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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  September 20, 2013 7:25pm-8:01pm PDT

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♪ there's a garden ♪ reading begins ♪ old family trees ♪ spread their own roots ♪ and watch the young ♪ grow again ♪ this old slednote ♪ will grow right back to where it began ♪ ♪ i try to understand ♪ what i can ♪ in my hand ♪ and whatever i find ♪ find my way back to you ♪xd if you try to find it too ♪ ♪ because this place is overgrown ♪ ♪ home is wherever we are ♪ home is wherever we are
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♪ ♪ home is wherever we are ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: jack johnson from here to now to you. good night, everybody. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause)
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>> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we've got a program for you tonight that we worked on almost all day. our guest tonight chelsea clinton, the daughter, of course, the same musician george clinton-- wine me up. (laughter) let's begin tonight on the subject of the american spirit. we are a can-do people. with pioneering spirit, individually. well, at least our great, great grandparents were. but they didn't have to contend with all the distractions we do like tv or masturbation. did you know steve jobs invented that in 1981? (laughter) called it--
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(laughter) all right, here we go. i believe he called it the backintosh. (cheers and applause) anyhow, what i'm trying to say is americans like freedom. we don't like being told what to do, whether by a king or the government. that's why things like seat belt laws or having to get rid of slaves was met with so much resistance. and guess what, now they're coming for your health care. obamacare will change your health care. and you need to understand how. some business kos get hit with a 40% additional tax on your health-care plan. please get the obamacare survival guide today. (laughter)
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>> jon: thank you, dr. kevin mccullough-- kevorkian look alike who i thought was dead. listen, it's clear from this guy's tone that obamacare will destroy all that we once held dear in this country, by requiring health insurance from employers for the 15% of americans who don't currently get that. if you have more than 50 employees, the act requires companies to give health care to all their full-time workers or pay a penalty. no way around it. or maybe there's two ways around it. >> chuck, replay that airtight obamacare requirement that i just mentioned. >> the act requires companies to give health care to all their full-time workers or pay a penalty. (laughter) i don't remember wearing a yachting cap when i said that. anyway, there's an out for employers. they can pay a penalty which amounts to $2,000 per employee. now that sounds like a lot of money so you compare it
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to how much it currently cost employers to insurance their workers which is b i don't know, $10,000 for employee. so if your corporation you could do the right thing, the moral thing, spend about 10,000 to give your employees health insurance or save about $8 grand and tell your employees to go [bleep] what do you think. >> what if i don't want to spend any money at all. well, that's where the other loophole comes in, the law only applies to full-time workers, people who work 30 or more hours a week. and guess what. >> basically a lot of employers are saying we don't want to pay for these health-care benefits so we're going to move full-time workers to part-time workers. >> he has worked at a subway franchise in maine for a decade but recently was told his hour was be cut to 29 a week. lauryn goodrich who owns 21 subway franchises says it's all because of the new health care law. >> sounds like that guy's work on a new slogan for subway.
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eat [bleep] for more on this we're joined by senior deranged millionaire john hodgman. >> hello. >> jon: what do you make of companies gaming the health-care system. >> amateurs, reducing work hours, cutting employee roles, still paying mandatory work for on weekends. >> jon: right, but they have to. how do you avoid paying weekend overtime. >> simple, jon, at my company, hodgeco we use a different calendar. meet friday followed by new friday and back by popular demand friday crassic-- classic. the downside no more weekends but the upside three consecutive casual fridays. dungarees, what could be better than that. >> jon: overtime pay. >> my employees understand it's all about trade-off. if i pay overtime how can i provide maternity leave. >> jon: you offer maternity leave. >> of course i do. someone gets pregnant they can leave. yeah. that joke kills at the annual [bleep] brunch last may. the point is when it comes
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to cost-cutting this obamacare dodge is child's play. and speaking 6 children. >> jon: there is to the going to end well. >> do you know that it's technically illegal to have children work in your shirtwaist factory. >> jon: i did know that what i didn't know was people still make shirtwaists. >> but here's the loophole, jon, it is legal for kids to work in the movies. >> jon: i don't like where this is going. >> yes, i'm making a movie. it's a heart worm warming story of misfit kid was come together under the leadership of a grumpy but lovable coach to form an underdog shirtwaist factory to take down those snobs at the rich kid shirtwaist factory across the lake. i've been filming for 7 years. 16 hours a day. and we're way underbudget. >> jon: so basically you have a sweatshop that makes obsolete clothing. >> no, i have the kids working on all kinds of things, jon, asbestos, prelit fireworks, industrial hand manglers. >> jon: industrial-- without would buy an industrial hand mangler. >> come on, jon, it's 20
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13rx you don't want to mangle hands by hand. ask any modern worker you can get carpal tonle that which. >> jon: i understand obamacare does put certain burdens on business but doesn't the employer bear some sort of responsibility to the employee, this teams like you're giving a huge middle finger to your workers. >> so you have seen my employee orientation video. >> oh, hello. i'm john hodgman, allow me to be the very first to welcome you to your new career as a purely part-time nonemployee and or half paid intern of hodgeco-- asbestos and mangle. i got you a gift. reach in your pocket there it is. okay. ha, ha, ha. ha, ha, ha. ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. >> jon: how do you even get a which with that. how do you get anybody to work for you. >> jon, we've been at 7% unemployment for five years. being an employer this year is like being a girl at comic kopp. does not matter who offensively and your precrisis your supergirl costume is. you are to the going home
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alone. it's all about the head band, john. >> jon: i understand that. john hodgman, deranged millionaire.
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>> jon: hey, it seems like there's been a lot of bad news recently. because there has been a lot of bad news, recently. but that's why it's all the more important to celebrate the good news. >> your new miss taerk -- miss america is miss new york in new york, the miss new york, make you feel-- new york put your hands on your
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head like you just don't care. >> that's how we do. >> i'm an increasingly old man. >> i'm just really proud. >> last night 24-year-old nina davuluri was named miss america for 2014. she is the first american of indian des ent ever to win the crown and is happy the pageant organization has embraced diversity. >> jon: yes! the miss america pageant has embraced diversity. it is a beautiful mosaic of women size 0 to nearly 2. it is a-- upon op lee-- a myriad, but still, great news for miss nina davuluri and the country. it was very fun for me to report just a simple story. just pleasant, a pleasant story. not steeped in any controversy. we'll be right back after this. it's-- no, that's-- but no,
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that's the bad shark sound. how could that be bad? how, how? >> unfortunately, there was some ugly backlash on twitter. some people calling her a foreigner, an arab, even a terrorist. >> another reading, miss america, you mean miss 7-11. and miss new york is indian with all due respect, this is america. >> jon: yes, this is america. and do you know how we know that this is america. the way you know that is 9 word do is misspelled. that is how you know this america. well, when indian news story falls through the crack you are own ayesive manned very catches them for a segment we call back in brown. ♪ . >> jon: yeah, first of all that's not actually a song, aasif, i just wanted to mention this off the top this miss america win is kind a milestone for the indian community.
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>> not a milestone, jon, more like a beachhead. >> jon: beachhead, sounds like a military invasion. >> damn right it sex wake up and smell the curry, jons. indians are taking over america. >> jon: what-- you won one competition. >> clearly you have not been paying attention. this is only the most recent ass-kicking. >> knaidel, german derived yiddish. k-n-a-i-d-e-l. (cheers and applause) boom! that's right! (cheers and applause) he won with one of your words, my yiddisher friend. tell me how my tuchus tastes! >> jon: so you're dominating our spelling and swimwear competition.
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>> yeah, we're not just smarter than you, we're also america's most scrumptious eye candy. with the tiara to prove it! if you like it then you should have raise-- raise arranged a marriage with it, ♪ oh oh oh ♪. >> jon: and yet you dance like a white man. aasif, are not angry at all about the backlash on twitter, the racial slurs about the 7-11. >> look, jon t is twitter. it's like that movie crash, you got 140 characters and like 1206 them are racist for no apparent reason. i mean sure some of us work in convenience stores selling you the crap that gives you diabetes. but guess what, the rest of us including the new miss america are in medical school, cashing in on that illness. cha ching. (applause) you got what we like to say,
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you got guptaed. you spent all this time worrying about mexicans coming over the fence when the real enemy was approaching from end neath to cup your balls and ask you to cough. (laughter) >> jon: so i guess so it's over. >> yeah, yeah, it's over. you had a good run. you took this country away from the indians. and now it's different group of indians is taking it back. aasif manned very, everybody, thank you very much, we'll ht bacght bac rx h"+uuájú@úad!@aaaa;xazu(k66jújjx
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight he is the vice chair of the clinton foundation, please welcome to the program chelsea clinton. come on. >> thank you. thank you. >> jon: nice to see you. >> thank you, jon. >> jon: so, so this is the week or is it next week that the clinton initiative group getsing to for their annual meeting in new york, yes? >> that's right, next week. >> jon: now what are you going-- what are you going to be doing there? do you have responsibilities for that week as well? >> i do. >> jon: now what are you going to do? >> well, i hope you'll come.
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>> jon: to the -- >> i'm inviting you. >> jon: is that true. >> yeah. >> jon: when is it. >> next week. >> jon: will there be snacks. >> always. >> jon: is that true. >> i don't know if-- backstage on set candy. >> jon: . >> but if you come i will make sure we have fun size candy. >> jon: i'm out here climbing it out 22 minutes a day 4 days a week so my time is very limited with this sort of thing. what are so programs that i would see if i were to go there. >> our theme this year is mobilizing for impact. so how do we think about what partners should be working together to solve which problems. and the panel i'll be moderating is really focused on noncommune cable diseases because-- i know. >> jon: i did not think that was coming. >> that's a mouthful. >> jon: noncommunicable disease. >> i call ncd for short. >> jon: doesn't seem that that much of a problem if you can't catch it. >> increasingly numbers of people are dying from it. >> jon: like that what.
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>> heart disease. >> jon: is it hard to talk to people like me sometimes. noncommunicable disease, i don't get it, well, there is the number one killer of humans. >> it is, actually. >> jon: no, i know. >> around the world. >> jon: it's a terrible thing. and so except for in the most low income countries, it's nowed number one or number two killer in much of the developing world. >> jon: but not in the nondeveloping world. >> oh, no t is definitely-- . >> jon: it's bad here. so what would be some of the strategies that they're hoping to implement. >> so one of the reasons i'm really excited to do this is in 2005 my father after his quadruple heart by pass surgery not only really changed his life, which i'm grateful for as a daughter, but he reached out to the american heart association and said i want to do something about heart health. what i can do. and they said childhood obesity, not what he was expecting to hear. and so now fast forward to 2013. the alliance for a healthier generation, a partnership between the clinton foundation and the american heart association is now the largest anti-childhood
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obesity program in the country. so we work with more than 18,000 schools, we touch more than 11.5 million kids every day through healthier lunch programs, better food in our snack machines, no full calorie sodas in their snack and soda machines. >> jon: right. >> and so i will be talking about the work that the clinton foundation with margaret chan who is the director of the who and other leaders who are thinking about what they can and should be doing around the world to stem the tide of obesity and other risk factors for ncd. >> jon: i been working on this with my i cans called get up. >> and move hopefully. >> jon: get off the couch. >> and you lead obviously. >> jon: but in is, so many factors are stacked against people now. because of the way that we produce food now. it is a very difficult way than we produced it years ago. and isn't so much of how we manufacture it part of the concern. the low cost, high fructose food that helps to feed people, of low income, also helps to give them these
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types of diabetes and heart disease. how do you battle-- don't you have to battle poverty at the same time you're battling exercise and things and doesn't that make them much more complex an difficult problem. >> it is complex. but it's also just a lot of smaller problems that are aggregated together waiting to be broken down. so then what is the role of the private sector, what is the role of government including the public school system. what is the role of organizations like the clinton foundation to bring those different parties together and prove that we really can stem the tide of childhood obesity. and many of our school districts, we have seen that the rates of increase have stopped. so even if they are not-- . >> jon: they have stabilized so we hope to decrease those numbers soon. >> jon: it's a big thing to take on. one of those things where you are looking at the carter foundation, look at them, they rad gated ginny worm, we better get on this thing like it's a competition now between the carter family and its clinton family. >> i'm okay with that
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competition. >> jon: carter is out there going look at me, i'm getting rid of malaria and you are like childhood obesity. >> it's a great competition. i would always be happy nobody that race. >> jon: i think that would be a great race. was it difficult, your father has been on this program many, many times. >> and he want mood to say he's jealous he's here and i am-- i'm here an he's not. >> jon: i don't believe that. >> it's true. i saw him this afternoon. >> jon: he's so smart and has such a command of fact that i thought being his kid must have been like-- how do you win an argument with that dude? like where it's just, cojust quote you facts and this is why your curfew is at 10, like you could never-- did you ever feel like you got the better of him when you were younger? >> well one of my most formative memories was during the 1986 gubernatorial election in arkansas. it was a really nasty election. >> jon: right. >> and there obviously were three members of my family, my mom, my dad and me. and there was an upcoming
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debate so it was going to be my father against his opponent with a moderator. and the three of us over many evenings and weekends would play different roles in advance of this debate. i would have to pretend to be my father's opponent and argue positions against him. >> jon: how old were you. >> i was six. i would be my father, and he would be his opponent. and so you know that just-- . >> jon: how much fun must that have been as a six-year-old. >> i was taught to hold my own at a pretty early age. >> jon: you are he not kidding. if it were my kid these would want to have dressed up like that but not stayed with it. that without have been the end of it. in terms of being able to-- they work if government for so long. they still work in government. you have chosen to not to do that. is there something about using these ngos and other means that maybe watching some of their frustration -- frustrations with government bureaucracy and the way the mechanism and levers of that power work, that leads you
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into this other direction, is it that purposeful. >> it is purposeful for this point in my life. when i started to think about where i wanted to spend my time, invest my energy and i knew that i wanted to do something in the nonprofit sector, i couldn't imagine an organization i wanted to work with pore than the clinton foundation. and i have no doubt that i'm completely biased towards my parents. but i-- . >> jon: the idea that even you want to work with your parents. like if my kid would even visit me when they get to be your age, like i'll be so excited, like, i just think that that is nice that you wouldn't be like-- you without rebel and be like that's it. >> i tried to care about different things. i spent a lot of time working in the private sector. and i tried really hard to want to denominate success in my life differently than my parents because i think most kids probably don't want to grow up and feel like they default flood whatever their parents have done, those that have been really the galvanizing role models in their lives. but ultimately i did really care about what my parents
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cared about. and that's what i wanted to work on. >> jon: that's why you are a good kid. >> i'm still trying to make my parents proud. >> jon: that's nice. i should do that. >> i bet dow every night. >> jon: we'll talk afterwards. thank you so much for coming by today. >> thank you. >> jon: please tell your pop and your mom i said hey. chelsea clinton, everybody. >> thank you. pplau(applau
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>> jon: that's our show, join us next week at 11:00. here it is our moment of zen. >> we didn't really introduce you properly today, you know what day it is, right. >> no, what day is it. >> we should have introduced you as john harwood because
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[indiscernible] [applause] >> tosh: whoever's idea it was to have the summer game in soviet russia is fired. welcome to "tosh.0." this week's skyline is south padre island. perhaps the worse of our nation's horrible spring break destinations. while there take a picture with the selena statue. why couldn't it have been j lo. tonight on the show i ch chilla
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and use my twitter to bring thieves to justin and now somebody get olga on the phone and let her know her commie son is there. this is the nicest day of the year in russia. when blood soaks through your patagonia that's a serious head wound or maybe he landed on a snow angel that just started her period. what we need are more butterfly nets at the border. >> you don't have it do you? >> i do. >> holy [bleep]. holy [bleep]. look at that. that's a mexican butterfly. >> tosh: clean up the language, you pussy. what he going to do flutter you to death? >> if that takes flight i'm going [bleep] my pants. that's a [bleep] mexican butterfly. >> tosh: what makes it mexican? the fact it came out of your bathroom with a clean towel? if you look closely he is wearing a tiny sombrero. i thought a mexican butterfly
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was when you finish on a girl's eye lashes? okay. it's been a while since we've really pushed the boundaries on the show so get ready because this one's going stick with you. i give you the ultimate defense against titty twisters. >> tosh: calm down. there's a good chance comedy central won't let us air this. hey, maybe he has to breabreast a baby vampire. roll them around cheddar powder and it's real cheese nips. he needs to upgrate to the mach sectomy 5. was it the graphics you thought was


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