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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  July 7, 2016 9:55am-10:29am PDT

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comedy central from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much for tuning in. thank you, ever, i'm trevor noah. our guest tonight, a wonderful author terry mcmillan is joining us, everybody. (applause) but first let's continue in our continuing coverage of the countdown to the rio olympics. well, it turns out rio has miraculously turned everything around and everything is going according to plan. (laughter) oh, eye i'm sorry, i keep forgetting. it is the southern hemisphere so it's the opposite.
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>> lurking under rio's with thers raw sewage and now what scientists describe as superbacteria, the highest levels of superbacteria on the shores of guanabara bay. site of the sailing event a month from now. >> it is a nice sailing area but every time you get some water in your face it feels like there is some alien enemy entering your face. so i keep my nose and my lips closed. (laughter). >> trevor: first of all, what is that music? does that just play when germans talk? what is that? and also, if you ever wonder how a small country like germany almost took over the entire world t is easy to understand because of this guy. because the solution to the problem of an alien entering in us, to just stop breathing. you just stop breathing. that's all you do, but the toxic water is just the tip of the [bleep] iceberg here. there are concerns about infrastructure, the economy,
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political turmoil, zika and security fears, but don't worry, people, the rio police have it covered. sorry wait, sorry, southern hemisphere. >> last week police force greeted visitors at rio airport with an airport reading "welcome to hell." >> the police? the police are telling you the city is like hell? that's like going to a restaurant and the chef telling you, oh, you are definitely getting food poisoning. you-- you are gone. at this point just living in rio should be an olympic sport. things have gotten so bad. even rio statue is like pizza bitches! look, rio, there comes a time when you have to take a step back, see the disaster that is unfolding around you, consider the consequences of this event ending as badly as it looks like it's going to. and admit that despite your best intentions, everything has gone
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horribly wrong. which brings me to the 2016 presidential race. (laughter) now over the course of about 12 hours yesterday we saw what a mess this race has become. and also, how lucky the two nominees are. because what is now clear is that both hillary clinton and donald trump are running against the only person who they could possibly beat. (laughter) so let's start off, let's start off with madame secretary of yesterday fbi director james comey announced that hillary qulin ton would not be prosecuted for her e-mail scandal despite the fact that just about everything she told us about it for the past year has been a lie. for example, last year she said this. >> i did not e-mail any classified material to anyone on my e-mail. >> 110 e-mails in 52 e-mail chains have been determined by the owning agency to contain
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classified information at the time they were sent or received. >> trevor: okay, okay, let's-- that's pretty bad, that's pretty bad. >> i responded right away, and provided all my e-mails that could possibly be work-related. >> the fbi also discovered several thousand work-related e-mails that were not among the group of 30,000 e-mails returned by secretary clinton. >> we went through a thorough process to identify all of my work related e-mails. >> lawyers doing the sorting for secretary clinton in 2014 did not individually read the content of all of her e-mails. >> i thought it would be easier to carry just one device. >> she also used numerous, multiple devices. >> there were no security breaches. >> it is possible that hostile actors gained access to secretary clinton's personal e-mail account. >> trevor: did hillary trel the truth about anything? the feel like the neck time i
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hear her say i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message, the fbi director will pop out and be like her real name is philip g mackadoo. why, hillary, why. do you understand that? your lies have besmirched the clinton name, a name sin monday-- synonymous with inning at the-- no, that's not the point, that's not the point, the point is-- that's the point. hillary's entire campaign has been the idea that she is the responsible candidate, sound judgement, disciplined, dependable. hillary clinton is basically the volkswagen of-- candidates. the hish efficient practical choice in the game for years and just like volkswagen turns out there is a whole lot of [bleep] she's been hiding from us. (applause) come on, hillary! you know, in any normal race this would be fatal for a campaign. and so last night, at his own speech, all donald trump had to do was put the final nail in the coffin. all he had to do was focus on
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hillary. focus, donald. >> saddam hussein was a bad guy, right, he was a bad guy, really bad guy, but you know what he did well? he killed terrorists. he did that so good. they didn't read him the rights. they didn't talk. they were terrorists, it was over. (laughter) is this like a prank? are you playing a prank on me? what the [bleep], dude? this was your chance to bury hillary. this is not the time to praise saddam hussein. to be honest, i don't know when the time is to praise saddam hussein but i do know that this is not the time. yes, yes, yes, saddam hussein killed terrorists. yes, saddam hussein killed terrorists, you know who else he killed? everyone. if you kill everyone, you're bound to kill some terrorists. saddam was really really hot on
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dry cleaners, school teachers, are you going to blame them for what, who is are you. how is one party's presidential candidate praising a mass murderer, people, i don't know, you have to feel bad for the republicans at this point. i bet at the end of every day after paul ryan meets with donald trump he is driving home on the phone like hey, honey, yeah, i'm coming home, yeah, i think he has learned his lisson this time, no more dumb tweet, crazy speeches,-- hold on, i'm getting a text, already, baby, you better start dinner without me, i got to go back. (applause) and by the way, by the way, this was not a gaffe. because donald trump's been down with saddam for awhile. last year this is how he talked about saddam's hughes of chemical weapons. >> saddam hussein throws a little gas, everyone goes crazy. he's using gas. >> trevor: is america really considering electing a man who talks about war crimes like he's
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on an episode of drunk history? you know, saddam hussein, he throws a little gas, everybody goes crazy. oh, he's using gas on the region, oh-- maybe it's just me but i think alarm bells should be going off when a potential leader repeatedly praises not so democratic dictators. >> donald trump praising the leadership style of vladimir putin. >> putin, i think that he is a strong leader. he's a powerful leader. >> donald trump was actually kind of praising kim jong un. >> you have to give him credit. he wiped out the uncle, this one, that one, this guy doesn't play games. >> if we had qaddafi in charge, instead of terrorism all over the place, we see at least they killed terrorists. >> he retweeted up from el du ci. >> mussolini is mussolini, it is a very good quote. >> you want to be associated with a fascist. >> no, i want to be associated with interesting quotes.
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(laughter). >> trevor: you want to be associated with interesting quotes? oh, donald. you don't want to be president. you want the teenager's instagram account. that's what you want. so look, america, this is where you are. grandma nixon or traffic cone soaked in raw sewage. a real sophie's choice, really f sophie hated both of her kids. can i be honest with you guy, can i be honnist with you. >> yeah wm. >> trevor: you can kick me out after i said it i will be honest and say this. maybe you shouldn't have an election. into, maybe you shouldn't have an election. not now. not now. because right now, right now america looks like it's getting too a marriage that t is going to regrelt. and earning can see this is a bad idea. and i get it, look, you have got everything scheduled. the wedding planned, you've invited everybody over. you have spent an enormous amount of money but i'm going to
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be that ass hole friend o who tells you like it is, maybe you need to call it off. do not go through with this ed withing. because i'm telling you, two years from now, you're going to see your ex walking down the street and say man, i didn't realize how good i had it. we'll be right back.
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we've got road closures, interstate closures, major delays... [sigh] i wish i had a presidential escort. [police siren] ♪ ♪ wish bold in the 2017 camry. toyota. let's go places.
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first you start with this. these guys.
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a place like shhh! no. found it! and definitely lipton ice tea. lots of it. a lipton meal is what you bring to it. and the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. outside of running for chairman of the saddam hussein fan club, donald trump is also running for president. if he becomes president, the first thing he'll have to do is assemble his cabinet, actually the first thing will have to do is replace all the pens with tiny pens so his hands look normal in the photos. that's the first thing he will have to do. (applause). >> trevor: but then he will have to assemble a cabinet, a secretary of defense, secretary of state, homeland security, commerce. but what exactly will trump's cabinet look like. well, we may know much sooner than we previously thought. >> he told hugh hewitt he is leaning towards announcing some members of the cabinet before election day. a practice he thought was common until hewitt told him otherwise. >> i don't think that's that unusual. that's been done of before, hasn't it, hugh? >> no, i don't think we've ever had a cabinet member named.
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>> did they wait until after the election and then. >> yes. (laughter). >> trevor: i like how done all trump calls in a radio show to both campaign for president and to learn about being president. so the president, he's on the supreme court, right? >> no, donald, the supreme court is the judicial branch, remember. >> oh yeah, oh yarks, the judicial branch, more commonly known as the senate, now i remember. >> trevor: choosing a cabinet, is the team they surround themselves with is one of the most crucial decisions a leader makes. lincoln had his infamous team of rivals, marky mark haded funky bunch, batman had a brightly decorated preteen which, you know, i never really understood. why would you make robin wear that. it just seems like all the bad guys would focus on the-- oh my-- oh, that is heartless, batman. the big question is, who is advice would donald trump take? >> who are you consulting with consistently so that you are ready on day one?
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>> i'm speaking with myself, number one. because i have a very good brain and i have said a lot of things. >> my primary consultant is myself. and i have, you know, i have a good instinct. >> trevor: i have a very good brain. that sounds like something you would only hear from a guy with a bad brain. have i good brain. net worth, very much. but consulting himself might actually work for donald trump, because you see, good presidents hire advisors who disagree with them, to challenge their thinking. and no one who disagrees with doned a trump more than donald trump. so you ask the question, what would donald trump's cabinet be? well, we think it would look like this. >> hello, folks. hello. >> good morning, good morning. >> so today we're going to be discussing. >> women's health issues. >> go ahead, go ahead. >> i'm-- i'm very prochoice.
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>> i'm prolife. >> you and i have had something on my mind. >> new clear prolive raise. >> i hate prolive raise, i hate new clear more than any. my uncle was a professor at mit. wouldn't you rather in a circumstances have japan have nuclear weapons when north korea has nuclear weapons. >> next our foreign policy. >> china. >> china. >> qaddafi in libya is killing thousands of people. >> go into libya, knock this guy out, very quickly. >> i disagree totally. we would be so much better off if qaddafi were in charge right now. >> i love mexican people. >> the hispanics love me. >> i will build a wall. >> this is a wall that is going to work. >> i don't know how people make it on 7.25. an hour. now with that being said, i would like to see an increase of some magnitude. >> wrong, wage toos high. i hate to say t but we have to leave it the way it with is. >> we're going to build a wall. >> it is easy sto be presidential. >> i went to the wharton school of finance. i'm like a really smart person. >> all he i know is what is on the internet.
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>> this is a wall that is a heck of a lot higher than the ceiling are you looking at. >> china. >> china. >> i love china a. >> i would drop a 25% tax. >> listen you mother [bleep] we're going to tax you. >> this guy say phillie dirty word, he should be ashamed and apologize. >> they lie. but we have our own. >> no going to be able to-- china. >> build a wall. >> a total lie. >> binge binge. >> i don't know what i said. >> come on, fellas. >> quiet. >> we are going to make america great again. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: we'll be right back this is brian. every day, brian drives carefully to work. and every day brian drives carefully to work, there are rate suckers. he's been paying more for car insurance because of their bad driving for so long, he doesn't even notice them anymore. but one day brian gets snapshot from progressive.
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now brian has a rate based on his driving, not theirs. get snapshot and see just how much your good driving could save you. ♪uh oh. oh. henry! oh my. good, you're good. back, back, back. (vo) according to kelley blue book, subaru has the highest resale value of any brand. again. you might find that comforting. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru.
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first you start with this.
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these guys. a place like shhh! no. found it! and definitely lipton ice tea. lots of it. a lipton meal is what you bring to it. and the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea.
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show, my guest tonight is the best selling author whose latest nof sell called i almost forgot about you. please welcome terry mcmillan. (applause) >> welcome to the show. >> thank you very much. >> trevor: it's so-- it's almost surreal to meet someone who in a strangely influenced your life at a very young age. i mean i was watching those movies with my mom. i was watching waiting to exhale. i was watching, i did, i grew up-- tsh. >> why. >> trevor: because i have a single black mother who i was at home with, and i was watching movies based on these stories, on these books that you wrote.
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i mean you wrote these stories in 1992. powerful stories about black women in america who had. >> so you really needed to be concerned about that at your age. >> trevor: now that sexism and racism no longer exist, is it tough for you-- is it tough for to you write a book? >> with that in mind, no. it is easy. >> trevor: it seems like it came across as. >> no, no, i-- i'm a good liar. >> trevor: let's talk about the book. >> okay. >> trevor: in your novel t is a really interesting story, a woman who really has everything going for her. she is an optometrist, been to edge cl, making good money and then all of a sudden realizes she's not happy. she sets out to find all the men from her past, all her previous loves. why do you think it was important for her as a character to go back and complete this
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journey? >> because it is a journey. i think that-- i don't think she's unhappy. i think she's bored. i think there is a difference. >> trevor: yes. >> and she basically wants to reinvent herself to make her life a little more interesting. and i think in the process of doing that, she decides when she finds out something tragic has happened to an e-guy that she used to love, and he never knew it, that she decides that it might be worth it to go back and hunt these other ones down. and let them know the impact that they had on her life. even if she loved them or if she ultimately would liked to have killed them. >> trevor: i love that. that is the balance, isn't it? love them or wanted to have killed them. >> it's an interesting story. i often have the discussion with my friends. i go, do you think in life we sometimes focus on professional success and not spend enough
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time looking at emotional success, you know, somebody, as you say, she was bored. she was not fulfilled. and yet she had everything going for her. is this book sort of commenting on that idea? >> well, i think sometimes we do what looks good on paper. and in real life, some of that stuff is not as fulfilling as we thought it was going to be. and some of us are afraid to make changes. so i-- in this case, my character is-- she's trying very hard to be honest with herself. and when you reach a certain age, a real certain age, you decide that some people, my character decide that it's worth taking a risk. it's worth changing lanes. because you have already been in this lane. so why not, you know, put your blinker on and go over. and step on the accelerator a little bit too. >> trevor: you have always been a trail blazer.
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people have compared you, not in your body of work but in terms of inspiration to shonda reims in terms of being a voice that is out there that really blazes a trail for other women of color to go out and write books. i mean the literary world is a world dominated by a certain color, a certain, you know, certain gender as well. do you think that more can be done to get black women into these roles of telling the story, stories that often become hollywood stories, principle, almost like the roots of the problem? do you think more can be done and what could be done in these situations? >> well, i think that-- i mean a good story is a good story. and in our case, we happen to be african-americans or in some cases, africans. i just think that most of us, i will put it this way, when i go into a book store, i don't go in and say gee, i'm looking for a book by a white writer today. i wonder which one i should
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choose. and i think that if more people embraced the fact that america is exriesed of every ethnicity you can think of, if we read each other's works without taking race into account all the time, because we are technically all americans, and when we go to the movies, you know, i don't-- i just get i'm tired of it. i believe in diversity. believe me. but you know, now it just seems like everything is either black or white and there are a whole lot of ethnic groups in this country besides black people and white people. >> uh-huh. >> but more than anything, i think we just need to be able to tell the truth. and do it with humor. and with-- and i try to do what i can. but there are a lot of us out here that people just don't know about.
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>> i think it's good to have you leading the pack then. so thank you. >> i wouldn't say i'm leading the pack. >> trevor: i think you are. i'm old but i'm-- thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: i almost forgot about you, it is available now, terry mcmillan, everybody. (applause) what makes a lipton meal? first you start with this. these guys. a place like shhh! no. found it! and definitely lipton ice tea.
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lots of it. a lipton meal is what you bring to it. and the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. pretty much over. show's (friend) wish we could start it from the beginning. (jon bon jovi) with directv, you can. you see, we've got the power to turn back time let's start over, let's rewind and let's go back and not quit the gym and have a chance to say goodbye to grampy tim oh, that's the power to turn back time. (vo) get the ultimate all-included bundle. call 1-800-directv. my 5-hour is my morning wakeup call. my 5-hour makes me super dad. my 5-hour keeps me on my toes. my 5-hour's all business. my 5-hour keeps me working my 5-hour energizes my ride. my 5-hour gets me up and out the door.
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officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. woo hoo! over you to you tom! things have gone totally around the bend. has the world gone completely bold? new doritos mix. four snacks in one. thank you so much for tuning in. join us tomorrow night, now here it is, your moment of zen. >> you can understand that a basketball camp got the surprise of their lives over the weekend. >> there are some little warriors, take a look. >> selling girl scout cookies. what's going on, man, how are what's going on, man, how are you
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dean: okay, hello! hello, everyone! okay? and, uh-- folks, welcome back to-- ( audience cheering ) welcome back to the fiesta ballroom, here on the carnival cruise triumph. okay? i'm your cruise director, dean. and this is my assistant cruise director, diana. and, can i say, for people who have not showered in four days, you guys look great! yeah. yeah, you do, yeah. and, hey, guys, just because we're stuck in the middle of the ocean with, you know, with no working toilets it doesn't mean we can't have some fun! all right? mmm-hmm! ah, but first a tiny update. uh, yeah. now, as we informed you yesterday, a tugboat is pulling us back to shore which is great news. yeah, it sure is. but, a slight snag. the tow line broke.


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