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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  August 16, 2018 11:00pm-11:32pm PDT

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that's why i brought my best friend, dave, to hang out. he's a slob, but i love him. - ♪ ooh - good night, detroit. ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight, comedian dl hughley is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we'll talk about his new book, "how not to get shot and other advice from white people." it's a fun summer beach read.
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but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. apple has already taken over the market for computers and phones, and now they're getting ready to hit the road. >> a well-connected analyst says the apple car will roll out between 2023 and 2025. that analyst saying he expects the car to be apple's next star product, which could revolutionize the auto industry like the iphone did for the smartphone market. no comment from apple about those predictions, of course. >> trevor: okay, um, that's just a giant iphone with wheels. ( laughter ) and i don't know if i want to be driving an iphone. i will be, like, siri, turn left. she says, you said drive off a cliff. no! no! ( laughter ) like all apple products, i'm sure people will love the car until it starts raining and the car stops working and you have to put it in rice.
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( laughter ) it will come pre-loaded with bono in the back seat. ( laughter ) in other news, another setback for the pillsbury testosterone boy, alex jones. >> a week after several tech giants removed alex jones from their platforms, twitter is suspending his ability to tweet for a week. >> people need to have their battles rifles ready at their bedside. >> jack dorsey told me why his company is taking action. >> we put him in a time out removing his ability to tweet for a time period. >> trevor: a twitter time out? it doesn't sound so bad. i feel like in 2018 being off twitter feels like a reward. if twitter wants to punish someone they would force them to stay on twitter and read all their mentions. all i said was go giants and tell people told me to kill myself! ( laughter ) oh, and finally, new york governor andrew cuomo is in the middle of a reelection campaign.
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yesterday, in a speech, he decided to score some points by denouncing president trump and may have gone too far. >> the governor of new york andrew cuomo shocked the crowd when he rebuked the president's make america great again slogan and the crowd gasped. listen to this. >> we're not going to make america great again. it was never that great. ( gasping ) >> trevor: okay, democrats, here's a tip -- the opposite of trump isn't automatically a good thing. ( laughter ) unlike our president, i would never grab a woman by the pussy because i grab men by the dick! yeah! did i win? did i? did i? ( cheers and applause ) and you know what? i just want to say something -- yes, maybe america is having a tough time, but how can you say america was never that great? this is the country that uses fried chicken as bread.
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this is the country that invented slash stole the macarena. this is the country that made multiple tv shows just about catching cheatas and survived five shocked n.a.t.o.s. if that isn't greatness, i don't know what is. moving on to our top story. earlier this week, the justice department fired senior f.b.i. agent and stock photo of a seen your f.b.i. agent peter strzok. after revelations he exchanged text messages of donald trump while also investigating donald trump during the 2016 elections. losing your job is never easy, but looks like strzok is going to land on his feet. >> the f.b.i. agent fired by the bureau is receiving a lot of support. we have learned thousands of people are chipping in to help peter strzok cover his legal bills. a go fund me page has raised hundreds of thousands. >> the original target was $150,000. after that was quickly reached, the amount was raised to
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$350,000. when that target was hit, it was raised again to half a million. >> trevor: okay, first up, this is some bullshit we need to address about go fund mes in general. how do people say this is the amount i need and change it when they get it? that's not a thing. imagine you met someone on the street and he says, can you help me get $50 to see my family? yeah, yeah, man. now i need $100 to see my family. what are you doing, man? okay, here. okay, now i need $150. this is a scam! half a million dollars on a go fund me just for hating donald trump! there are cancer patients that say, i hate him, too, can you help me pay for my treatment? no! you don't really hate him, we can tell! for more, we turn to michael kosta, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) michael, a fired f.b.i. agent
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gets $500,000 from go fund me people, how do you explain that? >> trevor, this doesn't surprise me. there's big bucks in hating on donald trump! in 2016, mina na started knitting pussy hats. two weeks ago she bought a ferrari, okay? trevor, what's the fastest growing sector of the economy -- >> trevor: i think -- >> that's right, trump hating late night talk shows. do you know how many there are right now? 17,000. even animal planet has a political late night show called "rough night with coco, she goes there!" >> trevor: she's going to be tough to beat at the emmys, man. likely tough. >> yeah, and you have guys like peter strzok who aren't even making jokes, they just say i hate trump and the resistance opened up its wallet faster than johnny depp at a scarf deep o. it's not just peter strzok
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raking in the resistance cash, before him andrew cabe was fired as f.b.i. deputy director and his to fund me pulled in half a million. people are desperate for something that can hurt trump even a little bit. that's how scams work by preying on the most desperate. you're a nigerian prince. you understand. >> trevor: south african is not -- >> take james comby, for a year everyone is furious the seven-foot freak for basically getting trump elected, then he writes a book saying he actually hates trump, and the resistance starts making it rain. he made more money than johnny depp's scarf dealer. >> trevor: i feel like you didn't work for that one. >> i -- yeah. ( laughter ) >> trevor: but i get what you're saying. it's like omerosa, she was a gladiator for trump and now swimming in cash for calling him
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unhifngd. >> you know who's still the master of this game? 2016 greenport presidential candidate jill stein. her entire platform was there's no difference between clinton and trump. as soon as the election is over, she said, oh, no, we can't let trump win, we've me money for a recount and i'll save you from him. she collected $7.3 million. talk about the green party -- ( audience reacts ) sometimes you get so blinded by revenge that you don't realize you're playing yourself. my high school principal told me to stop acting up in class, so i stopped showing up entirely. i never graduated. take that, mr. samuelson! >> trevor: didn't that produce some inadvertent negative ramifications? >> i don't even understand the words you just said. ( laughter ) trevor, i'm deeply concerned about how people are getting taken advantage of, which is why i've decided to help resisters resist getting scammed.
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i've set up a fundraising side, cash for, and i'm going to use the money people give me to stop all these drifters once for all, because if i can just raise $100,000, i will be able to increase my goal to $200,000, which is halfway to 4 h hundred thousand dollars, fighting trump, fighting trump, then i'll get to $500,000, and then, bam! >> trevor: bam what? >> i'll just need another $100,000 -- >> trevor: michael kosta, everyone! get out of here, man! we'll be right back! don't give him money! ( cheers and applause ) ♪
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even the very serious ronda rousey, ♪ (laughing) can't be serious with twizzlers. ♪
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." today is a bittersweet day for us here at "the daily show" because today is the last day we get to see hasan minhaj. ( audience reacts ) yeah. apparently, the muslim ban is far reaching -- way more far reaching than we realized so he's got to leave and never come back. so, ladies and gentlemen, one last time, please welcome hasan minhaj! ( cheers and applause ) >> thanks, trevor! you know, trev, i'm really going to miss this place -- the friends, the laughs, the security guard who inspects your mouth with his bare fingers. ( laughter ) >> trevor: we don't have a security guard who does that.
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( laughter ) >> huh... i don't know who that was, then. ( laughter ) >> trevor: well, either way, we're going to miss you, too, man, but we're really happy for you. i know you will have your own show starting soon. but, like, what's in store for hasan minhaj? what are you doing for the rest of the summer? any big plans? >> my plan was to go see a bunch of movies starring "the daily show" people. we have crazy asians with ronny chieng, the star who dumped me with breakout star hasan minhaj, of course, momm momma mamma miae go again. you're probably thinking merely merely isn't on "the daily show" but the truth is she's been playing roy wood, jr. this entire time. that's just how good she is. ( applause ) >> trevor: wow, now i'm not sure she should have used the n-word so often. that was intense. >> but now my summer plans are ruined, trevor, and i'll tell you why, movie pass is ur burnig to the ground.
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>> for frequent moviegoers the subscription called movie pass seemed like a great deal, ten dollars a month to see a movie every sickle day. but the company's finances took a hit as popularity surged. >> bleeding a lot of cash. >> at one point losing $20 million a month? >> a desperate attempt to stay in business movie pass will only allow users to see three movies in a month. >> only three movies a month? this is horrible! thanks to movie pass, i was paying ten dollars a month for $500 worth of movie tickets. i was going every single afternoon. >> like in the middle of the workday? >> yeah, what did you think i was doing when i said i had all those doctor appointments. >> trevor: i thought you were see ago doctor. >> dr. strange, i've seen it 12 times. ( laughter ) trevor, as a child of immigrants, movies have always been my way to connect to american culture. more importantly, indians love bargains, so now what am i going to do? >> trevor: what you could do now is just buy a ticket for a
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movie you want to see like a normal person. >> okay, go buy a ticket. all right, trevor. what are you going to tell me next, get a ride by holding my hand in the air? what is this? 2004? i only hold my hand in the air for one reason and that's to high-five a friendly ghost. >> trevor: how is movie pass going to succeed as a business, ten dollars a month for nearly unlimited movies, that's crazy. >> dude, what are you talking about? we're millennials. it's all about subscription culture. you pay a small fee and in exchange you get everything. unlimited streaming from netflix and spotify, unlimited shipping from amazon prime, unlimited s.t.d.s from tinder, it's how we live. >> trevor: the people who don't use it much will subsidize people who use it all the time.
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that's why obamacare struggled because young people didn't want to sign up and older sick people used the service. >> oh, i get what you're saying, we need to combine movie pass and obamacare. >> trevor: no, that's not -- >> i read you loud and clear, trevor! that is an amazing idea! ( applause ) so young people get movies, old sick people get healthcare, we'll call it moviecare or obamapass. i don't know, we're working on the title. picture it, you're in the movie theater, watching the spy who dumped me starring hasan minhaj, you're getting your popcorn on, your sewedd sewed -- soda on ans to movie pass also a colonoscopy. >> trevor: hasan minhaj! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) sewedda
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>> trevor: welcome pack to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a comedian host of the nationally syndicated radio show the dl hughle -- thedl show show and ae book, "how not to get shot and other advice from white people." please welcome dl hughley! ( cheers and applause ) >> very nice, trevor. >> trevor: welcome back to the show. >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: so good to have you here. >> interestingly, you were talking about peter strzok who raised half a million dollars. >> right. >> the cop that shot mike brown, darren wilson raised $1.2 million. >> trevor: the cop raised $1.2 million? >> trevor: for what? >> for killing michael brown. his go fund me made
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$1.2 million. you think trump is bad, hating a black dude is way more lucrative. >> trevor: that's a perfect segue to the boofnlgt that's basically what the book is about. you wrote the book from the perspective of someone taking advice you've seen dolled out by white people after a shooting or incident. it's always advice on what black people were doing wrong. >> white people have been giving us advice since we got here so i feel they're adept at it. but when i ze hear the nonsensical arguments by white supremacists, we want our country back. we didn't book a cruise here because we heard they was hiring! get on the boat! they're hiring in america! ( laughter ) people have the warped notions of what they would do, if you would just cooperate. but i think ultimately people are just uncomfortable be -- are
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not uncomfortable with black people being killed by the police. they think that's how it's supposed to go. no one likes to see a cow mutilate bud they don't mind eating a steak. >> trevor: your first encounter was the police, you were eight years old. >> i'm coming from school getting a free lunch in the summer and the police pull up to me and my friend asking us questions about a cat that lived in my neighborhood. they're, like, where is he? we're, like, we don't know. they're, like, put your hands on this car. i said, sir, this car is hot. he said, nigger, if you take your hands off it blow your head off. flash to 2002, a kid handcuffed and peeing on himself, i'm sure it's his first experience and i'll never forget it and i'm sure he won't either. >> trevor: you talk about police interacting with black people who have disabilities,
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with black people who may have mental disabilities, mental issues, and in the book you talk about -- you dedicate the book to your son. >> yes, my son has asperger's syndrome, he's a very fit kid. when people say people should be taught to respect the police, i think black people teach our kids to fear the police. don't look them in the eye, move fast or run. dad, i'm not going so far, no, you're going to the driveway. >> trevor: right. >> i think we tried to instill a sense of fear in them because we don't want anything to happen to them. you're more likely to be hurt or killed or have a negative interaction with the police if you're mentally or emotionally or physically handicapped. you don't want them to see it as defiance. in america it's okay for somebody to be killed if you're defiant. why didn't you just do what they
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said? why are you defiant? i don't want to be one of those guys who show pictures so i can humanize my son. so i always try to instill a sense of fear in him. so the book is really not an indictment of society as an inspection. >> trevor: when you look at the book from cover to cover, what do you hope people will take way from it? some might day dl, i already know the morbid world we're living in and the harsh realities. like, what am i getting from the book that i may not be getting from everyone else's conversations. >> first off, i laugh, because it's very funny. i know it doesn't seem like it now. but second, i think you will recognize some things. the only way that we can guarantee ethat they are not -- like, we can't keep having these kinds of things happen and everybody kind of go that's the way things are, because we can't pretend to be a society. you can't say in a society that we're all about justice and you're innocent till proven guilty, but an officer can
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summarily slaughter someone on the streets and it will be an encounter. fill lando castile didn't break the law, was slaughtered, we weren't uncomfortable with it. >> trevor: how do you use comedy. people have different tools and coping mechanisms. you say it's funny in the book. how do you respond to someone who says, dl, is there anything funny in this? >> no, it's ironic. first off this week has been hilarious. omerosa is dropping more tapes man lil' wayne. ( cheers and applause ) but there's an argument as to whether trump likely said the n-word on tape. not only am i certain that donald trump has said it, i'm certain that, if the tape comes out, it will be his reelection campaign slogan. >> trevor: damn.
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>> yeah. >> trevor: thank you so much for being on the show. ( cheers and applause ) "how not to get shot and other advice from white people" is available now. dl and company are performing in los angeles august 17th. los angeles august 17th. dl hughley, [phone ringing] hello? dale, what's up? it's dewey. you know you're dead last right? race isn't over yet. where's my stunt guy? leon! you're in. don't embarrass us. good luck leon. ♪
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even the very serious ronda goo♪rousey,eon. ♪ (laughing) can't be serious with twizzlers. ♪ (laughing) ♪ music ♪laying ♪ ♪
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did someone say kfc has four ways to feed a family for only 20 bucks? original recipe, extra crispy, boneless, and tenders. silence chicken lovers! it's finger lickin' good!
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silence chicken lovers! i'm emma. and i'm claire. and we're the salmon sisters. this new surface go is the perfect size. when we're on the boat, i don't have a big desk to use, or a studio table to draw on. having something you can slip in your bag and take with you is really great. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. before we go, this weekend, i just want to warn you, this weekend there's a good chance that president trump is going to tweet something crazy that's going to rock your world. instead of freaking out and trying to figure out what he means, just pick up your copy of the "donald trump presidential twitter library " , and that way you can freak out properly. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> what do the songs say to you, respect? >> give me my propers. everyone should have respect, be respected, give respect.
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>> respect, what it means to me, respect, oh! (michael) tonight the scranton business park is having casino night. and we are converting our warehouse into a full-blown gambling hall. and i know it's illegal in pennsylvania. but it's for charity. and i consider myself a great philanderer. it's just nice to know at the end of the day i can look in the mirror and say, "michael, because of you, "some little kid in the congo has a bellyful of rice this evening." just...makes you feel good. [door opens] ahem. excuse me. how long is the wait for a table for two? i would never, ever serve you. not in a million, billion years.


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