tv The Daily Show Comedy Central April 3, 2019 11:00pm-11:36pm PDT
april 1, 2019, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this "the daily show" with trevor noah. (applause). >> trevor: yeah! oh yeah. welcome to "the daily show," everybody. i'm trevor noah thank you so much for tuning in, and thank you for coming out. thank you, thank you, sir, thank you. thank you all, let's do this thing. our guest tonight is a grammy nominated singer and songwriter, you know him as a member of maroon 5, p.j. morton is here
everybody. (cheers and applause) also on tonight's show, spies at mar-a-lago, president trump's war on wind and if you hate airplane seats have i good and bad news so let's catch up on today's headlines. joe biden, over the past two days a number of people have complained about the former vice president's habits for playing personal space invaders with women he meets. well, today biden responded. >> breaking news. >> minutes ago former vice president gentlemen biden relessing a new video on social media addressing accusations that he has touched women in ways that made them feel uncomfortable. not sexually, not violently but inappropriate. >> i always try to be in my career have i always tried to make a human connection. that's my responsibility, i think. i shake hands, i hug people, i grab men and women by the shoulders and say you can do this. social norms have begun to
change, they have shifted. and the boundaries of protecting personal space have been reset. and i get it. i get it. i hear what they are saying. i understand it. and i will be much more mindful, that is my responsibility. my responsibility. and i will meet it it. >> trevor: wow, you know it's genuine leigh impressive to hear an old person say that he is willing to change. yeah, normally old people are like well, i'm dying soon, so live with it! (laughter) but at the same time, you have to admit biden is being a little slick with his description, right. i shake hands, i hug people, i grab shoulders. yeah, that's not why people complain. the issue was you going full national tbee graphic on every female in sight, joe. that is what that was about, joe! but let's move on now to a troubling story coming from the winter white house. >> a huge security breach at president trump's mar-a-lago luxury resort on florida, on saturday the sk receipt service
says a chinese woman walked up to a security checkpoint at president trump's mar a lago resort in florida and said she was there to go to the swimming pool but when a resort shuttle picked her up she changed her story and said she was there for a u.n. chinese american association meeting but no such meeting was scheduled and she was plomently arrested. nont investigate erred want to know if it was a spy mission, shes with carrying four cell phones, a laptop computer, an external hard drive and thumb drive that contained mallwear. they note though she said she was there to go to the pool she was not carrying a swimsuit. >> trevor: okay, okay, okay. now i know this sounds suspicious going to a pool with no swimsuit. and with four cell phones. she could be a spy or she could just be an instagram model. hmmmm? each phone is for different filter. and that is what a laptop, that is how you edit your shots. we don't know, we don't know. i know right now some of are you like trevor, what about the
flash drive with the virus on it, what flesh vive doesn't have a virus on it, huh? always on it, that is why i always put a condon-- condom on mine before i plug it it into the computer. she is a spy, i get, she is a spy. moving on to other election, chicago, first skyscraper, first person to drown in a slietion of pizza. and now the windy city is adding a new first to the list. yesterday chicago elected democrat lori lot foot as the city's first brack woman mayor. yeah. so congratulations to lori lightfoot in fact thrk is interesting. she was running against another black woman, toni preckwinkle. yeah, so chicago was going to make history either way, both women are black and both have the most harry potter sounding names i ever heard, really, it sounds like harry potter, professor preckwinkle, lori lightfoot turned hermine frog
into a-- again. >> if you think are you a diked to post-mates it is nothing compared to what is happening in nigeria. >> the government in nigeria is traying to cut down on imported food saying that the imports are hurting the local economy and apparently british pizza is on the list. >> while complaining about trade imports a politician complain claimed its citizens are importing pizza from the u.k. >> do you know there are nigerians who use their cell phones to import pizza from london? by london he they brng it on british airways in the morning to pick up on the airport it is a very annoying situation. >> trevor: okay. okay, okay. first of all, first of all, british pizza? you are telling me nigerians a flying past italy to get british pizza? while you are at it why not supply past amsterdam to get weed in romania, what are you doing thrk is so extra. the story is rich nigerians send people to britain to buy them
pizza. yeah. which is such a waste of money and time. and also i can't imagine what the plot in nie dperrian porn movies are like, you know, oh no, it seems like i done have any money for this pizz blanca how will i pay. he is like you don't have money? i just took a 4,000 dollar flight to pick up this and i'm going to neat you to put on some clothes and get some cash, get some money, get some money. and finally, finally, an exciting development in the world of air travel. >> just when you thought those airline seats couldn't get any smalter an italian company has come up with an airplane standing seat. the sky rider 3.0 kind of lacks like a bicycle seat with back support and seatbelt. the manufacturer says the seat would be called ultra basic economy. they say there is interest but no orders. just yet. >> trevor: that is right, people, we are on the verge of ultra basic economy. where you have to stand for the
entire flight, and everyone shares one peanut, you just lick it and pases it on. yeah. (laughter) and by the way, no more seatbelts, when shit gets rough, joe biden just grabs from you behind. don't panic, just breathe. all right, that's it for the headlines. let's move into today's top story, everybody. you know, one thing have i always said about donald trump from the beginning is that he is both terrifying and hilarious. like an asteroid headed to earth but it is shaped like a penis. think i'm going to die but i know i'm going to laugh. and yesterday was one of those days when trump was full penis, no asteroid. >> president trump is no great student of history but you would think he would have his own family history down. especially if he is going to just bring it up unprompted like he did today. >> have i great respect for angela and i have great respect for the country. my father is german, right, was
german. and born in a very wonderful place in germany. and so i have a great feeling for germany. >> except the president's father was born in the bronx. (laughter). >> trevor: you know, this is one of those trump lies where i am just like why are you even doing this. in is nothing to gain. right. sometimes it feels like he has an unlimited lying plan with verizon, like why lie about this, you know like sometimes the way we try to get our steps in, is he trying to reach a certain number of lies on his fit bit every single day, you know it is like oh, i haven't hit my 10,000 yet, my dad was from germany. yes, 10,000. i'm not really at 10,000. i'm another lie. although i will say this, i always felt that trump was racist for saying obama was born in ken qua but now that he is doing it to his dad, maybe he is just a birther for everyone, maybe that is just him, mike pins, are you born in vietnam,
kelly ann, guatemala, ben carson, with cannedda tell me where the vibranium has been, tell me where it is. but believe it or not, trump lying about his dad's birth was the least crazy thing that he did yesterday. because later on that night, he went to the republican spring dinner, all right. stood in front of that hedge that homer simpson disappears into, and proceeded to roast joe biden. >> general, give me a kiss. i felt like joe biden. they got to him. our former vice president, i dn know him well, i was going to say welcome to the world, joe. are you having a good time, joe? >> trevor: wow. i love how trump sounds like he's the host of the metoo club. yeah, he is just like welcoming joe biden, come in, come in,
we've been waiting for you. let me teach you the secret handshake. like it's pretty insane that trump has the balls to roast joe biden for a nonsexual accusation when he literally has been accused of sexual assault by a dozen women. it's like boeing roasting you for a fender bender, ha ha, you can't drive. (laughter) but last night biden was only a small part of trump's crazy speech. to be honest it was less of a speech and more like two hours of mental diarrhea. i mean at some point trump even started attacking windmills. yeah, you heard me, windmills. >> if you have a windmill anywhere near your house, congratulations, your house just went down 75% in value. and they say the noise causes cancer, you tell me that one, okay. >> trevor: okay, i have never heard a windmill before but i'm pretty sure it doesn't sound like a cat in a dryer.
(laughter) and don't get me started on solar panel, aa-ooga. and what about hydro power, you know the sound water makes. ♪ like i really can't believe that i have to say this, people, but noise from windmills does not cause cancer. in fact, at this point it is probably one the on things that doesn't cause can semplet everyday they add a new thing to the list. hot dogs, plastic, sitting too long, standing too long, microwaving your own head, injecting yourself with cancer. the list is endless. and as random as it seems for trump to be going after windmills, it turns out that trump has had a beef with windmills for many, many years. in fact this rivalry goes so deep that we decided to explore in our brand new segment done alt j trump, commander in beef. >> i'm tbg to hit them back and if i give them a back, you think i could take this guy. >> knock the wrap out of thim. >> would like to punch him in
the face. >> trevor: wind mimes are not just a challenging obstacle on the putt putt course, no, they are also trump's arch-enemy. they are part of his origin story like a superhero whose parents were killed by a slowly moving fan. and trump doesn't just hate windmills, he is being it door to door to get everyone else to hate them too. he has all kinds of reasons starting with the dangers they post to america's most precious resources television. >> if hillary got in you wouldn't have that stat, which tell you right now, you would be doing wind, windmills and if it doesn't blow, you can forget about television for that night. darling, i want to watch television, i'm sorry, the wind isn't blowing. i know a lot about wind what? what the [bleep] does that mean?
i know a lot-- like we all know the same amount about wind. what do you need to know about wind, you can seuss use it to fly a kite, sometimes it screwed up your umbrella, if it goes in a circle it say tornado, that is it, we're done. also i like talking about a power outage on things look hospital or airport, the worst-case scenario trump could think of was no tv. like tv is so important to trump, he probably list it as his emergency contact. if anything happens to me, turn to channel 7, please. and also does trump not know what a battery is. because you realize a wind turbine doesn't plug directly into your tv, okay. he makes it seem that the faster the windmill goes, the fasterrer the tv goa, the on a windy day on the news today-- . oh, and according to trump, according to trump the danger
windmills poases to television is nothing compare to what it does to nature's airplane, the bird. >> the wind kills all your bird, all your birds, kill. >> they kill so many birds you look, underneath some of those windmills it is like a killing field of birds withness in california if you kill a bald eagle they put you in jail for five years. and yet the windmills knock them outlining flies. it is crazy. >> what about the thousands of brds they are killing. try going to the bottom of a windmill some day t is not a pretty picture. >> trevor: how many windmills does this guy visit. why is he always going to the base of them, driver, stop the cark he want to couldn't the dead birds. now to be fair, to be fair to trump, right, windmills do kill birds, all right. and some people are legitimately concerned about it but i don't think donald trump is one of those people. like trump doesn't really care about the welfare of brds, in fact, to me it looks like he is on a mission to wipe out the
entire species on his on. but let's say you don't care about tv or beards or getting fake can semple you may want to pay attention to this because windmills are also a threat to america's national security. >> we love clean, beautiful west virginia coal. we love it. it's great. and you know, as indestructible stuff, in times of war, in times of conflict, you can blow up those windmills, they fall down real quick. >> trevor. >> you can blow up the windmills, the windmills. binge, that is the end of that windmill. (laughter). >> trevor: don't build windmills because they can be blown up during war. yeah, so can everything else, every power source can be blown up during a war. in fact a blown up windmill probably has the least fallout with. oil you have spicialtion new clear power, radiation, you blow
up a windmill whack is the worst it happen t will just fall on a piefl dead birds, that's it. so clearly donald quixote is in a war with windmills. the question is why. we did soming digging. and it turns out the beef started almost a decade ago. >> trump is an outspoken critic of wind farms and opposes a planned develop of turbines offshore from his golf course in northeast scotland. trump told lawmakers he supports other forms of green energy but wind turbines are ugly, noisy and dangerous. >> wind turbines made in china are going to be the destruction and almost a total destruction of your tourism industry. they want to build thousands of windmills in the waters that surround the most beautiful shoreline, probably, anywhere in the world. it has to be stopped. >> scotland has a group of leaders, one in particular, who
just is hoisterring them on the people and it is really, really sad. >> trevor: of course, it all makes sense now t was never really about brds or television, it was always about golf. yeah, and by the way, trump is wrong on two counts. experts say that windmills near a golf course don't destroy tourism. and experts also say that hoisterring is not a word. but this is great news. this is great news. we understand it, all right. he hates the windmills because they block the view at his golf course but now we understand what trump's motivating force is, right, golf courses, the one thing he would do anything to protect. now that we know it we can use it to solve problems. like puerto rico, if you want trump to stop blocking your hurricane funding, just turn your island into a giant golf club and the money will come flying in like-- we'll be right back. like-- we'll be right back. (cheers and applause)
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>> trevor: welcome badge to "the daily show," my guest say grammy award-winning singer, songwriter, producer and keyboardist for maroon 5 his latest sol up-- solo-- solo all mum is called gumbo unplugged. please welcome p.j. morton-- did p.j. morton. (applause). >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> supposed to hit the table. >> trevor: is this like a thing. >> i think so. >> trevor: yeah, you can hit the table, welcome to it. >> good to be here. >> trevor: so good to have you here, congratulations on all of your success. many people may know from you maroon 5, they go like that's him. in fact someone describe you to me, they were like p.j. morton, i was like who is p.j. morton kus i know the music but not the name. they go the black guy from p maroon 5, do people say that to you a lot. >> my father calls me the only maroon in maroon 5, i get that all the time. >> trevor: you have been really successful with the band
as a singer, as a songwriter, as a keyboardist. you have a great story with them it must have been an interesting time for you when you were playing the super bowl. >> yes. >> trevor: right? because that was one of the touchiest moments that we've soon. maroon 5 is safe, no one ever goes like maroon 5, a controversial band. >> sure. >> trevor: and the super bowl came up and people were like why are you performing at the super bowl instead of supporting colin kaepernick, what that a tough decision for the band to make. >> yeah, and i don't think we viewed it as either/or. you know, the band was there because of the hard work that we have done over the years. the hit songs and the successful tours. so i felt like we were supposed to be there. and you know, me personally as a supporter of colin kaepernick, i felt like i could play the super bowl and support colin at the same time. >> trevor: right. >> music is what we do. we make people happy with music and that was our choice. and at the same time, still supporting the cause. you know, and what the cause started off as, with this, you
know, i'm guess police brutality, against brown and black people. and i'm in support of peacefully protesting. >> trevor: right, you are accomplished artist, you know, by yourself. are you doing it, you are making music. this album is one that is celebrated because of the different influences that it hasment how is your music different to what you made with maroon 5 and why is it that different? >> you know, i think for me, my music is rooted in soul r&b music. >> trevor: right. >> i think we lean towards, i mean initially with maroon it was a wrongish pop thing and then it became more of a pop thing. and there are soulful elements. because adam is a solveful singer. the reason they became maroon was because of being introduced with stevie bond we are their punk influence and mixed it it all together. but for me i really focused on the soul side, you know, my influences from stevie wonder to
al greene and d anglo. so i think that say big difference. you know, they are all from l.a i am a new orleans boy, born and raised. i had to move to l.a. to join the band and now have since moved back to new orleans. i think that is a big difference in that i am a soul man through and through. >> trevor: you came from a religious background, strong religious background singing in the church. your music is very different now. you actually have a song on this album that will you be performing called religion. >> yes. >> trevor: and the song is about what you don't like about religion. >> yeah. >> trevor: where did that come from. >> yeah. it is true. mi a preparer's kid, born and raised in the church, learn how to play music in the church. religion is a song that i wrote during the presidential campaign. and you know, growing up as a pastor's kid i saw a lot of misuse in church, in general. >> trevor: right, right. >> you he know, with power, with humans just being human.
>> but what really took me back was a lot of the evangelicals mainly white evangelicals just kind of throwing away everything that they stood for, to support trump. and i really think that it became more about supporting that than their beliefs. >> trevor: right. >> they just threw those away just because he said listen, i'm a christian, and that's it i don't have to ak like one. i don't have to, my actions don't have to prove that i am, but i am. just take that. and then everybody is just, i'm like man what happened to all these things that used to be so bad, that you come out against. and that is where the song really came from. >> trevor: it is powerful trk is an amazing album, that is why it has a grammy and i'm excited to hear you perform. thank you so much for being on the show, my dude. gumbo unplugged is vabl now. don't go any with because pj is going to be performing when we come back. p swrrks morton, ever. p swrrks morton, ever. we'll be right back.
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[ screaming ] its... [ screaming ] jordan peele's... >> trevor: welcome badge to the daily show, now to perform religion from the album gumbo unplugged, please welcome pj more ton.-- p.j. morton. ♪ i don't think i like your religion. ♪ don't always make the best decisions. ♪ hmmmm not sayin you don't have
good intentions. ♪ hmmmm i know that you are only human. ♪ hmmmm hmmmm but you blame your god when its he's your own fault. ♪ where is the love. ♪ that your god spoke of. ♪ your god has nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ that's what you were told, let's just be honest. ♪ hmmmm you don't even take the time to find it yourself. ♪ you just took their words to
be true. ♪ you don't even know why you believe what you you do. ♪ you blame your god. ♪ when it's your own fault. ♪ where is the love. ♪ oh that your god spoke of. ♪ your god had nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ your god had nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ nothing to do with it. ♪ but you blame. ♪ your god.
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hmmm all these websites say it's normal to start shaving at age 15. ♪ i'm a man ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪ ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪ ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪ ♪ i spell m-a-n, man, aww, man ♪ therthen he tried tostitoshael scoops and salsa... and he started following them in real life. ♪ hey, mike. sup. oh! tostitos. get together already.
media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> trevor: that's our show for tonight, thank you so much for tuning in, theer is, your moment of zen. >> can you blow up the windmills you mow the windmills bomb, bomb, bombk binge that is the end of that one. if the birds don't kill it first. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled]