tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS March 7, 2016 10:35pm-11:37pm MST
,, time for the picture of the day. >> i've got a payton fan, take a look. how do we know this is a payton fan? because peyton is wearing it. you can see, it is rick martinez who is the payton fan, happy for him. thanks for watching cbs4 news. ( band playing intro music ) ( band playing "late show" theme
>> stephen colbert, everybody! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, everybody! nice to see you! (cheers and applause) welcome to "the late show." thank you so much! (cheers and applause) it's a good one! thank you so much! welcome to "the late show," everybody! thank you so much! what a beautiful crowd! thank you so much! amazing! amazing! i just want to throw down a surf board and ride the wave of your energy for the next hour!
late show." i'm stephen. ah, today was a beautiful day in new york city. wasn't it? ( cheers and applause ) spring is here. the birds are chirping. the garbage is blooming. (laughter) >> jon: it's blooming, all right. and criminal infractions are loosening. and this is true... because, starting today, the n.y.p.d. has announced they'll no longer arrest people for petty crimes like littering, public drinking, and urination. (cheers and applause) >> jon: could be dangerous! >> stephen: which means one thing -- times square is back, baby! (cheers and applause) how much public applause public urination got a while ago. (laughter) instead, lawbreakers will now just receive a summons. great news for low-level offenders who used to get carted off in handcuffs, and bad news for anyone into that sort of
from now on, anyone the police catch littering will just receive a summons like this. >> jon: oh! (applause) >> stephen: convenient. i'm a little concerned about the timing. is it wise to lift restrictions on public drinking and urination the week before st. patrick's day? >> jon: i don't know about that one. >> stephen: to all my viewers in new york, please seek high ground and start piling sand bags. speaking of crime, it would be a serious one if you missed tonight's show. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you. that is network-level segue. couldn't make s.e.c.ways like that on basic cable. (laughter) first, i'll be talking to the star of the new netflix series "flaked", mr. will arnett! (cheers and applause)
>> jon: will is funny, he's got some vibes. >> stephen: and then i am so happy i'll be joined by 11-time n.b.a. all-star, the round mound of rebound himself, sir charles barkley! (cheers and applause) i shook his hand. >> jon: you gotta box out! >> stephen: shaking h his hands is like shaking hands with a tennis racquet. (laughter) and, from "new girl" and the newfilm "hello, my name is doris," we've got max greenfield! (cheers and applause) isn't that great! (band playing) hey! that joyful noise is jon batiste and "stay human"! say hi, everybody! they're about to beat me with their rhythm stick, but before
this morning, bob dylan announced a new album and summer tour. or he was ordering a cup of coffee. it's hard to tell what that guy's saying. >> announcer: tonight... stephen welcomes will arnett! max greenfield! and me, charles barkley! featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! (band playing) and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert!
>> stephen: stephen (stephen singing) >> stephen: jackpot! jackpot! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: did anybody watch the big "downton abbey" finale last night? (cheers and applause) did you watch, jon? >> jon: no, i went to watch up (laughter) >> stephen: they're very similar. speaking of incredibly rich people we like to watch and don't know why, donald trump. marco rubio has being going hard after donald trump, even making fun of donald's small hands. and i didn't have a show on friday, so it's been four days since trump's response. but i don't care, this is what i do for a living, and there's no way i'm going to let an entire election go by without talking about this: >> he hit my hands. nobody has ever hit my hands. i have never heard of this.
are they small hands? and he referred to my hands -- if they are small, something else must be small. i guarantee you there's no problem. i guarantee you. >> stephen: he guarantees you, if elected, he'll make sure the republicans are the party of -- (laughter) (applause) he'll make sure the republicans are the party of "the big tent." (laughter) and i'm sure it's true. why would a guy with a small penis put his name in giant letters on the tip of a skyscraper? it's got to mean something, right? (cheers and applause) at least he didn't put his name ten stories high vertically. hey! hey!
(cheers and applause) that's different! that's different! i guarantee you. i guarantee you. (applause) that is different. (laughter) but donald, the issue is out there, and the people have the right to know the size of your "executive branch." so i'm calling on you to release the long form. or the short form. no judgment. (laughter) all kidding aside, i am not putting any kidding aside. this man is talking about the size of his schvantz in a presidential debate. this is someone who could have his finger on the button. i hope it's his finger. (cheers and applause) we don't know if he can reach
we have no idea! the russians could launch and he would be trying to reach the button! (laughter) this is even worse than the lincoln-douglas debate, when abraham lincoln said: "no american, whether they be slave, has ever complained about the size of my lincoln log. and yes, the beard matches the drapes." (applause) i can't believe that these are absolutely legitimate jokes to be making about a presidential debate right now! for those of you who've been following american democracy for the last 240 years, we have officially hit a new low in political discourse. let's go to the chart. yes, we've sunk below "swift boat," below "secret muslim," below "john mccain's illegitimate baby," and, oh, we've shattered through the bottom of the chart! and it's burrowing into the
theater, past the subway lines. past hillary clinton's secret email server, past the founding fathers spinning in their graves, aaand into the center of the earth. there it is, stopping at presidential penis measuring contest. pretty low. though not quite the lowest rung. we still haven't hit "onstage nutpunch followed by closing statement delivered via one long burp. but it's only march. we'll be right back with will arnett. (cheers and applause) shopping for an suv? well, this is the time. and your ford dealer is the place,
ford suvs. designed to help you be unstoppable. no wonder ford is america's best but hurry, 0% financing for 60 months on ford suvs is a limited time offer. see your ford dealer today. sfx: rocket sfx: rocket blasting off sfx: (countdown) 3, 2, 1 rocket nexium 24hr is the new #1 selling frequent heartburn brand in america. i hope you like it spicy! get complete protection with the purple pill. the new leader in frequent heartburn. that's nexium
announcement: this storm promises to be the biggest of the decade. with total accumulation of up to three feet. roads will be shut down indefinitely. and schools are closed. campbell's soups go great with a cold and a nice red. made for real, real life. if you misplace your discover card, you can use freeze it to prevent new purchases on your account in seconds. and once you find it, you can switch it right on again. you're back! freeze it, only from discover. get it at discover.com.
tt0w!tx#hi!!el@- &l tt0w!tx#hi!!ed@-&$( tt0w!tx#hi%!)8h-fzt tt0w!tx#hi%!kzh-[5( tt0w!tx#hi%!n-h-.\$ tt0w!tx#hi%!0ph-0;< tt0w!tx#hi%!s"h- i\ tt0w!tx#hi%!ueh-#+, tt0w!tx#hi%!7hh-?)x ,, you wouldn't waste money buying a snow blower in miami. so why waste your money on overprised meals? instead for just $6 at subway - get a simple six meal: a freshly made sub, chips and a drink. pick from six of our best six-inch subs every day...
(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back. my first guest tonight is a very funny man and creator and co-star of the very funny net series "flaked." please welcome will arnett! (cheers and applause) so nice to have you on. >> it's a pleasure to be here. >> stephen: so few of my guests take time to wear a double-breasted jacket on the show. >> well, i like the keep it pretty classy. >> stephen: you do. you look like you're ready to captain a yacht. but casually. a casual captain.
i'm a huge fan of yours. >> no, that's not true. >> stephen: it is true. you are so damn funny. >> okay. >> stephen: i'll tell you what i like about the performances you do. you play some of my favorite characters. job, one of my favorite characters (cheers and applause) but often you play a kind of very confident idiot. (laughter) and i love watching confident idiots. is there something that draws you to that role or is it -- (laughter) or is it type-casting? (laughter) >> i don't know what you're talking about, steve. but i like it, a lot. um, yeah. first of all, i think that the combination of pretty dumb and very confident is just intoxicating. >> stephen: it makes you vote for them. (cheers and applause)
>> yeah, confidence is really -- >> stephen: but although, i've got to return the compliment. >> stephen: oh... this is -- forget them! this is an area that you're kind of accustomed to because you have a knack for the same sort of area. >> stephen: i love high-status idiot. that's my favorite. >> yes. >> stephen: well-intentioned, poorly-informed, high-status idiot is my favorite thing to play. >> sure. >> stephen: but for me, it's like a confession. >> is it? >> stephen: (laughter) >> stephen: yeah. because people sometimes think i'm smart. >> yeah. >> stephen: it's my attempt to confess most of the time i'm just a confident idiot. i bull (bleep) you with my confidence. >> you can definitely convince people you're smart and you have something going on, even though you're dumb -- not you.
that's the trick. >> that is the trick. i cover sort of the bottom half. considering what's going on right now with the presidential election, if you and i -- you as president and me as your veep, we would sweep -- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: is it too late? is it too late? >> stephen: i don't know! because i have been waiting to see if bloomberg is definitely not going to run and he announced he's not today. >> stephen: he announced he's not going to run? >> h he announced he's not going to run today. i feel like -- >> stephen: door's open. vacuum much? a power vacuum has been created. >> stephen: do you know any billionaires? >> a lot. >> stephen: do you really? do you know billionaires? >> i do. >> stephen: are they nice people? >> very nice, seeming... (laughter) >> stephen: because we're going to need some long green.
oh, you mean money... (laughter) that's going to be harder. >> stephen: yeah. we have one billionaire in the bill coany here. >> is that true? >> stephen: she said she was a billionaire. i don't know if she is. >> that must be the best seat then. >> stephen: let's talk and "flaked" for a second. you play a character named chip. life is not working out with him great, living in venice, california. >> sure. >> stephen: trying to get his life back together, trying to be a good guy. >> he's trying to be a good guy. he thinks life is kind of okay. he's not overly ambitious and he's kind of living out this extended adolescence and created this persona for himself in venice, california. nobody knows what that is. it's a very sort of cool, beachy area part of los angeles and you can go be whomever you want to be. he has created this persona and he can live there, a big fish in a small pond.
>> stephen: but his friend isn't necessarily comfortable with him. we have a clip where your friend is afraid you're going to swoop in on a girl he likes but can't make any contact with. >> that's right. >> stephen: let's take a little clip right now. >> what about london, you talked to her yet? >> yeah, sort of. i got a look at her facebook page. >> and? you know, not a lot to go on, to be honest with you, except for a lot of sunsets. kind of mysterious. >> i like that. wow. for you. obviously, dude. come on. for you. what can i do to help? >> she's looking for places in marvista. >> that's not good. it's the other side of lincoln, now you will never see her. >> yeah, i feel like i'm already losing her. >> don't get ahead of yourself. plenty of time to lose her. first you got to get her.
>> that's chip. and, yeah, he's a little less like some of the other characters i play. >> stephen: is he closer to you? is he professional at all? >> no. >> stephen: no? no, but there are certain elements of my life -- you know, i wrote it and created it with my partner mark chaplain and, you know, there are definitely elements of my own life i brought in, by far the most on. you know, it is a comedy, but there is a lot of heart there and some of it was kind of rough, and that's an interesting experience for me. >> stephen: one thing that i noticed you have similar in common with your character is that you are a very tan person. >> thank you. >> stephen: and the thing that's shocking about it is you're also a canadian who's this tan. well, thank you! >> stephen: that doesn't seem natural. >> i was just voted the most tan canadian. (laughter) by me. >> stephen: by you. i coach little league. i'm outside a lot. yeah.
kids? >> yes, i do, i coach my kids in little league. >> stephen: i want to hear that when we come back from commercial. >> all right. >> stephen: back with more will arnett, everybody. (cheers and applause) what's it gonna be? an oven-baked digiorno? or waiting for delivery? did you have that beard when we ordered? a hot, fresh-baked crust? or? did we order extra soggy? don't settle for delivery. rise to the occasion. it's not delivery. it's digiorno. turns out lemon juice doesn' t cure pink eye. hi.
that' s how i am. red head fred. ultra rare. i collect these too. nah, these are for my dog because he can never decide which one he wants until he gets home, so... american express presents the blue cash everyday card with no annual fee. cash back on purchases. my only concern is that this is where we put food. a dog' s foot is cleaner than a human' s mouth. that' s what they say. is it? cleaner than my mouth. backed by the service and security of american express. get 30% off every guest every ship in the caribbean but hurry, this offer won't last long come seek the royal caribbean book today at 1-800-royalcaribbean. check out the fresh new look on mcdonald' s mcpick 2 menu
with sustainably sourced fish, a big mac made with 100% beef, chicken mcnuggets made with white meat, or a quarter pounder with cheese seared on the grill. pick any 2 for $5 bucks. lemme get a mcpick 2 my fellow americans... they say we're a nation divided. that's not true. we agree on a lot. like paul rudd. everybody loves paul rudd. i didn't know this was going to happen! you know what else everyone loves? emojis. no. beer! that's why we're forming the bud light party. just wait till you see our caucus. we've got the biggest caucus in the country! ooooeeeyyyyy! i'm really inspired right now. america has seen the light... and there's a bud in front of it!
,, (cheers and applause) >> stephen: we're back with will arnett. (cheers and applause) you were saying before the break you coach little league. >> that's true. >> stephen: your own skids? for my own kids. i have two guys. we're now in our fourth season two. seasons of t ball and second season of baseball. >> stephen: do they call you coach on the field? >> no, my own kids don't call me coach. the other kids do. >> stephen: when kids see you around town do, they go, hey, coach! >> stephen: like down at the
>> yeah, getting licorice whips? >> stephen: do you like coaching the kids? >> sometimes i i think i may like it more than the kids and when the season is over i get kind of bummed out. but it's so much fun. i get really excited when kids just, like, make a throw or make a catch. >> stephen: yeah. sometimes you're like -- i coached little league soccer for a while and getting the kids to pay attention to where the ball was on the field. >> it's the best. >> stephen: we would put 20 balls on the field, there would be so many balls they couldn't pay attention to any one of them. i also look at the joy the kids are having and you go, i want that childhood joy. >> i know. it's kind of hard to recapture that. >> stephen: yeah. do you like being an adult? (laughter) >> uh... i do. i mean, it's -- it's fun and everything, but it's also -- it is also sometimes kind of a drag. >> stephen: yeah. when i was a kid, i didn't -- i
that the world was so unknown made it kind can of an exciting mystery, you know. >> yeah, yeah. well, you know -- no, it's true, but then you grow up and it's, like, you find out that driving isn't that fun, and that, you know, that sex isn't real, it's just a story they tell you to scare you, you know. stuff. >> yeah. (laughter) you know, it's funny, i often wish there was somewhere that i could go to sort of get back to that innocence, you know. >> stephen: oh, but there is... there is my blanket fort. >> you have a blanket fort? (laughter) >> stephen: yes, i do. and in there, everything makes sense again. everything you knew when you were a child is still true in
is that true? >> yeah. yeah, i heard that, too. >> stephen: yeah? and you know what? >> stephen: what? all teachers live in the school. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. you know, i saw my math teacher at the grocery store. >> oh, my gosh. did you get an autograph? >> stephen: no, i was too scared. >> hey, steve? >> stephen: yeah, will? are you still awake? >> stephen: uh-huh. do you know that -- that dogs and cats can get married? >> stephen: yeah, but the cat is always the girl and the dog is always the boy. >> you know what else my cousin told me? >> stephen: your cousin alan? yeah, you know my cousin -- >> stephen: yeah, he's the one who got hair -- down there. >> yeah.
>> stephen: five! (laughter) >> yeah. >> stephen: he must be really strong. >> yeah. well, he told me -- >> stephen: what did he say? he3told me that ladies have to get completely naked to pee. >> stephen: what! (laughter) are they naked on that couch they have in their bathrooms? >> they gotta be. i mean, they must be. >> stephen: why it's in there, i bet. they're so tired from taking their clothes off to pee. (laughter) >> you know, um, you know, if you had to, you know, like if i was trapped under a car or car. >> stephen: whoa! really? >> yeah. well, like a smart car.
>> stephen: that's strong. yeah. hey, did you know if you keep your eyes open when you sneeze, you die? (laughter) >> i didn't know that. >> stephen: yeah. i always thought if you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyeballs pop out of your head. >> stephen: you want another? yeah. (laughter) >> thanks for noticing i was so hungry. (laughter) >> stephen: mmm... yeah, yeah. >> hey, steve? >> stephen: yeah, will. i got a question for ya. >> stephen: okay. why do adults drink alcohol? it tastes so bad. >> stephen: they need to drink it. otherwise, they don't know how
(applause) or sleep. or do sex. >> steve? >> stephen: yeah? can i tell ya something? >> stephen: will, you can tell me anything. this is the blanket fort. nothing ever leaves the blanket fort. >> i stole a baseball from the hardware store. (audience reacts) >> stephen: you are going to jail. (laughter) >> i know. >> stephen: hey... tomorrow when we get up, do you want to look at the national geographics my brother keeps in the basement? >> do they have pictures of tigers tying -- do they have pictures of -- >> stephen: tigers on every
(crying) oh, steve, i'm really going to miss you in jail! >> stephen: >> stephen: "flaked" is available on netflix this friday. will arnett, everybody! we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded. there better be some awards behind what you are paying for, right. the final answer. the most awarded car company two years in a row. wow, it's like a luxury car. i was shocked. i mean it's like, this is chevy? current qualified gm lessees can get a sign and drive lease on this chevy cruze limited for around $179 per month. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. i have asthma... life. so when my asthma symptoms kept on my long-term control i talked to my doctor and found a missing piece in my asthma treatment. once-daily breo prevents asthma symptoms.
with asthma not well controlled on a long-term asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. breo won't replace a rescue inhaler for sudden breathing problems. breo opens up airways to help improve breathing for a full 24 hours. breo contains a type of medicine that increases the risk of death from asthma problems and may increase the risk of hospitalization in children and adolescents. breo is not for people whose asthma is well controlled on a long-term asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. once your asthma is well controlled, your doctor will decide if you different asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. do not take breo more than prescribed. see your doctor if your asthma does not improve or gets worse. ask your doctor if 24-hour breo could be a missing piece for you. see if you're eligible for
spend millions of hours just collecting the water they need for their families. each limited edition stella artois chalice helps provide five years of clean water for someone in the developing world. the hospital, fighting for breath. some doctors thought i'd never but the world renowned team at national jewish health found the best way for me to manage my asthma.
wished for i got something even better. at national jewish health we never say 'never' to make an appointment for children or adults call us today. when you get one gig internet from centurylink and prism tv and they're both delivered on a super-fast fiber network directly to your home, it's amazing. it is amazing, but do you think his delivery was a little flat on that one? just -- yeah. um, paul, i think it's a little bit more like, "it's amazing!" oh, wow. oh, mom, that was really good. thank you. wow. [ sighs ] feel like a hollywood insider... okay, i'll work on it. ...with prism tv plus gig internet speed
(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my next guest tonight already introduced himself! please welcome sir charles barkley! >> welcome! >> stephen: what's up with you? >> i'm getting ready for march madness. i'm glad you didn't ask me to sleep with you. >> stephen: we were just in a blanket fort having fun. didn't you do that when you were a kid? >> all poor people have to make up games and stuff. rich people get to go hiking and things like that. black folks, we just get a tent, a blanket to hang up and a stick
night. >> stephen: sounds like fun. it was. i have been blessed. i had two younger brothers. blanket fort. >> stephen: that conversation seem familiar to you at all? twinkies. that's pretty much it. not a lot of conversation. >> stephen: i wish i hadn't had a twinkie just now. i tell you that. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: you're one of my favorite sports figures because you're not only a hall of famer basketball but there are some things you're not great at athletically and i ides like to point out -- >> like what! >> stephen: we have a clip of your golf swing. >> okay. >> stephen: this is, here we go... and... (cheers and applause) i can't believe! how can you be this great of an athlete and have a swing that terrible?
>> stephen: what is the mental block? >> i suck at golf. (laughter) >> stephen: and i have a mental block at basketball. >> oh, you were never any good at basketball. (laughter) i love to play, though. i go golfing, fishing pretty much every day. i love to golf and i love to fish. i just am a lot better at fishing than i am golfing. >> i've never seen you cast. t's easy. >> stephen: well, golf is easy, too. i don't understand why you crank all the way back, go halfway stop and then kind of whack it. you could do that same drive with a putter. >> no, i've just got mental block. are you good at golf? >> snoo no. that's why i like you. >> we should play some time. >> stephen: i would love to play some time. do you do charity tournaments? >> i do not. >> stephen: no charity tournaments? (laughter)
charity tournaments because i've actually hit a few people. (laughter) it's very nerve racking because once you hit the first person -- >> stephen: you get a taste for blood. >> no, you get really nervous after that because you're, like, i could actually really hurt somebody. so i don't like playing in front nervous. >> stephen: okay. you played your entire career in front of crowds. >> that was easy. it's like you being on tv. you've done this so long it's like clockwork. but for some reason i choke course. it. >> stephen: you're also broadcasting. march madness selection sunday is this sunday. >> this sunday. >> stephen: people get their brackets started. is there a monster out there that's going to dominate this year? >> no, there is a bunch of davids.
to the final four and probably ten that can actually win the tournament. this is going to be one of the funnest tournaments we've ever had. somebody might guess and get it right. there is no favorite. north carolina, kansas, villanova are, like, the top seeds, but there is nobody who can -- like, i saw warren buffet said he'd give a million dollars to the person who got the sweet 16. that's the safest bet ever. >> stephen: no one can predict it. >> this is the first tame -- we have been doing this the sixth year, i think, and this is the most wide open it's ever been. because used to be like five or six teams are head and shoulders above everybody else. this year's been so crazy. >> stephen: why do you think people go so mad for march madness? >> number one, it's really exciting for your college. you know, like, this is the time your college -- how many people -- because unless you're
going to get an opportunity to see your college on television unless you're at north carolina, duke, michigan state, those type of teams, you get to see them all the time. but now monmouth has a good chance -- >> stephen: it's a regional tournament all over the country. >> yes. >> stephen: how are these teams chosen? is it a smoke-filled room, a computer? (laughter) what are the standards by which the teams make it in? >> it is a bunch of athletic directors in a room. i don't know if there is smoking going on, cigar smoking or drinking or anything like that, and if they are going to do those things, i would like to be on the committee in the future. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: but can you campaign? is there -- can you campaign -- >> no, you can't campaign. >> stephen: can you argue before the committee? >> no, you can't argue before the committee. somebody complains every year they got left out. i says, wait a minute, you can't complain if you're number 69, you know.
teams, but they always say, well, this team got left out. nobody goes around saying i'm number 69 or 70 and feel like you're important. if you're not in the top aches or eight teams, you should just shut the hell up. (cheers and applause) speaking of shutting the hell >> yeah. >> stephen: -- you, last year, were trash talking stef curry and the warriors saying jump shooting teams could not go all the kay. >> yes. >> stephen: and you were, last time i checked, very wrong about that. >> i was very wrong. >> stephen: they made you a t-shirt which you were good enough to wear that says "jump shooting teams -- national championships, jump shooting teams won, charles barkley zero." (cheers and applause) nice of you to wear that. >> they have a terrific team. they have been great for the n.b.a. >> stephen: you ready to jump
they're the number one team this year. >> i tell you right now they're not going to win the championship this year. (audience reacts) >> stephen: are you a betting man? >> of course, i am. >> stephen: what do you want to bet? >> make it light on yourself. >> stephen: i bet you a round of golf. >> bet. >> stephen: that's a deal (cheers and applause) >> stephen: the soarnlg of naacp sunday begins this week on turner networks and cbs. the great charles barkley, (cheers and applause)
this turkey is natural? yeah. it's too good to be true. don't say that. it's called the 60 second six pack. it's called the abinator. it's called the pulsator. (buzzing sound) (groans) finally, something that's not too good to be true. it's oscar mayer natural turkey breast, and it tastes great. aflac. ohh ah ah aflac! aaaaf-lac! ta-daa! he's not a very good magician. he paid my claim in just one day. one day?! shh! how does he do it? t
>> that's nice. >> stephen: people like max greenfield! isn't that nice? (cheers and applause) and i can understand why they do. i really love this new movie, "hello, my name is doris." >> thank you so much. you've said nice things about the movie. >> stephen: i tweeted nice things about the movie when i saw it last spring. >> stephen: yes. thank you for having me. i'm so excited to be here. >> stephen: obviously, you're not alone about the excitement. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: well, that's all we have time for. thank you so much for being here, max. (laughter) okay.
plays -- she's an older woman, middle-aged woman -- >> sure. >> stephen: -- who is working at some media company you work at. >> yes. >> stephen: you're bright as a shiny new dime, young thing there. and she falls in love with you right away. >> yes, yes. her mother just passed away and she's kind of looking for something in her life and she sees me and she thinks i'm the new thing in her life. >> stephen: she is absolutely mesmerized by you. >> yes. >> stephen: and she's nervous around you. >> sure. >> stephen: and we have a scene where she ends up spilling something on you she's so nervous around you. jim? >> let me just get out of your way. >> stephen: oh. ow. >> stephen: oh, oh, oh! okay... >> stephen: oh, no! i'm so sorry! >> that's okay. that's -- >> stephen: let me help! i'm so, so sorry! i'm so sorry. >> no -- >> stephen: god. doris, stop it! stop.
you did that on purpose, didn't you? >> stephen: no. yeah you did. >> stephen: no, no, i didn't. you're a liar. >> stephen: no, i'm not. that's okay. >> stephen: oh! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: now when you saw in the script you have to make out with sally field -- or you get to make out with sally field, what did you think? i'm going to be the new burt reynolds? >> immediately. (laughter) however, i don't think anyone described burt reynolds as a shiny young time. >> stephen: there was a time, young man. deliverance with the cutoffs? >> so much less hair. >> stephen: they can put that in a post- (laughter) >> that's right. >> stephen: you can make out with sally field. >> those scenes are never comfortable. you know, you go -- with anybody. >> stephen: i wouldn't know. (laughter)
nice moment in the blanket tent. >> stephen: uh-huh. you rehearse it, go through it and you have the awkward moment and then you don't actually do it and the director walks out, start setting up the scene and you're both kind of looking at each other like, so, um, yeah, it's going to happen and, uh -- >> stephen: mm-hmm. and at some point, i'll put you up here -- it's all awkward and technical and they call action and you do it and, in this case, we did -- >> stephen: yeah. they called cut, we pulled away from each other, and i think we both had a moment of, like, oh, this is going to be a lovely experience. let's do that one more time. >> stephen: yeah. it was nice. we shot that on the second day. >> stephen: the second day of shooting the movie, you just met? >> yes. >> stephen: a great way to break the eyes. >> it really was. i think it set the tone for the rest of the movie and it ended up being such a blessing.
i understand you had an acting teacher who gave you some advice about how to sort of crank your performance at the times. >> yes. >> stephen: in this movie, say you're as bright as a shiny new dime because you're so energetic and open and i can see why she's so drawn to you because you are so bright and shining. what is the advice this person gave to you? >> go big, and we can always pull you back. >> stephen: mm-hmm. which i often do on the show "new girl." (cheers and applause) jake has been one of our directors and producers who is wonderful and i respect so much, he directed a lot of episodes in the first season -- >> stephen: yeah. -- and i had been following that direction from the very beginning. >> swing for the fence. home runs. >> stephen: yeah. and jake came in, i think, five episodes in, and i overheard a conversation that he
about the performance in general and he was, like, you know, just go small and natural and we can always bring you up. and i remember thinking, what are they talking about... (laughter) and now every time jake directs an episode and comes in he's, like, oh, max, what are we doing? i've gotten directions like, max, can you be more of a human being or do this take as if you were a human being. (laughter) >> stephen: by the way,s , this is putting asses in the seats, man. i'm giving the people what they want, a shiny new dime. >> a shiny new dime. (laughter) but i always know when i get a piece of direction like that, i feel like i'm definitely on the right track, maybe i'm finding something. >> stephen: i have been told you have an impression as your character schmidt on "new girl" doing an impression of john travolta doing his performance
american crime story." was i told correctly that you have this impression? (laughter) >> well, yeah... (laughter) it's the best performance on tv right now. john travolta is one of my favorite actors. >> stephen: yeah, we had him on the show. >> he's the best. we have a new baby at home, and i'm tired. so i decided i would do john travolta during takes and see if anybody noticed. >> stephen: okay. peaking of directions, the director that we yelled in from video village, max, can we do one take when you're in character, please? because, uh, i was playing travolta throughout a lot of the takes. >> stephen: yeah? o, uh... (cheering) >> stephen...
you're ready. get ready to experience a cup above. is that coffee? nespresso. what else? >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be helen mirren, j.j. abrams, and a musical performance by dma's. now stick around for james corden. goodnight! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org are you ready to have some of fun the i'm