tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS August 26, 2016 10:35pm-11:38pm CDT
they have not forgotten about this. the p hawks were fired up for this one. the first quarter they get tricky. dakota simonsen is pushed out after a 28 yard gain and that would set this up. simonsen throws a dime to levi asher streaking into the end zone. warriors would answer. washington ties it up. go on to win 27-14. >> lynn moore and city high going out in the first round playoff game. liens on the prowl. reese phillips drops back and connects with josh gassman for a big gain. city high would answer.
yards. liens try to retake the lead but vance dylan says i will take that. city high will go on to win 26- 6. -- he pops the ball up and dlyan dole is their for the pick -- then later in the quarter -- matt huff on the run -- he's a sprinter -- and shows why there -- and that would set up this - evan filtz pass to oliver martin -- he caught 2 td passes and threw another -- west rolls -- 42 to 17. back up 3-80 -- to kingston stadium -- jefferson taking on pleasant valleytrailing in the fourth quarter -- jefferson q-b dylan hart keeps it himself-- to the far sideline he goes -- but just short of the first down the heartbreak
off by p-v's dajour lester-- his second of the night -- as jefferson falls 31-to-7.... the highway 1 rivalry -- hasn't been much of one -- solon has dominated the series -- winning 13 straight games over mount vernon -- this year could be the one that ends the streak because the mustangs are primed for a deep run to the domebut the spartans came to play -- first quarter -- kendrick harris -- takes the hand off -- and sets up solon -- knocking on the door of endzone -- harris rumbles down to the 5and on the very next play -- graeson dall dives in from 5 yards out -- solon takes a 6 nothing leadthen later in the quarter -- the spartans fake out everybody with the run -- blaze griffis hits trevor nelson in the flat -- and he flattens tyler elliot -- solon makes it 14 straight --- 26 to 21 the final.. stay with c-b-s two -terry has one last look at your weather
we are checking in with kerry one more time. of the woods for rain. >> we will give you a tour here. you can see where the greatest concentration is and where it is moving. you can see it is coming up out of missouri. the heaviest rain occurring in the western counties. back to waterloo, waverley and 20 county we have been experiencing showers and thunderstorms in a few locations.
and westerly counties spreading north east across the rest of the region tonight. the good news is it should kick out pretty early tomorrow morning and by afternoon things will be calming down. we may have a few lingering clouds through much of the day. eventually temperatures will be up in the upper 70s. rest of the weekend looking good for saturday and sunday. concert in iowa city tomorrow night. >> they will be wearing hats and boots that i think things will be pretty go >> and we have the downtown farmers market . >> that should be good for that . we want to invite you to stay tuned for that cbs2 news sports show.
switch to u.s. cellular and get 50% off smartphones. it's a deal you don't want to miss. sir, hi. did you just say, "switch and you get 50% off a smartphone?" uh, yes. sorry. hi. hello. i was watching tv and i saw you say 50% off smartphones. and we'll cover all switching costs. oh! wow! also, you g... uh, excuse me. switch to u.s. cellular and get 50% off smartphones. plus, we'll cover all switching costs. excuse me, can i just... hmm? what? i just need it back. i don't have it. i don't know what you're talking about. yeah. i'm patty
judge, and if you don't think washington has changed chuck grassley, try and ask him. the senate is broken. why are you leading all the obstruction? if you get your way and defund planned parenthood, where am i going to get my cancer screenings? if i'm paying more for medicine because your medicare plan passes, how do i afford that? are you even listening? i approved this message because, chuck,
welcome to the first o-t of the season -- new place just for tonight -- but the same game -- high school football -- and a lot of it -- the game of the week -- is a duzy -- regina -- and cedar rapids xavier -- the regals won the first meeting at xavier, last year the saints won a thriller at regina -- so you know the rubber match at saints field has all the makings of a classic classicand that's where we find our own pat moroney -- not a bad way to kick off the
here we go - xavier and regina - a catholic school showdown first drive for the saints - big hole for maliki wilson - he busts through it and off he goes - 68 yards for the first td of the season - 7-0 xavier the regals got it back later in the 1st - brady bigley saw wilson go 68 yards - so he goes 69 yards - to the house - regina cuts the lead to 7 to 6 3rd quarter now - 14-12 saints - more maliki wilson - he bulldozes a defender and nobody else wants to get in his way - wilson's second td of the night but again - regina answered - thomas rapp fires a strike to isaac vollstedt - that's a 47 yard td - that cuts xavier's lead to 21 to 19 in the 4th - xavier put this one on ice -
prairie -- one the p-hawks haven't forgotten about aboutit's year two in the mark bliss era for prairie -- and the p-hawks were fired up first quarter -- joah wallace - - airs it out to his q-b -- dakota simonsen -- he's pushed out after a 28 yard gainand that would set up this -- simonsen -- throws a dime to levi usher -- he streaks into the endzone -- and the 40 yard gain makes it 7 nothing p-hawks warriors would answer -- bryan kunde -- rolls -- and rolls and rolls -- and finds -- a wide open drew dost ties it up -- elsewhere in 4-a -- linn-mar and city high going at it in a first round playoff game rematchno score in the first -- lions on the prowl -- reese philllips -- drops back -- and connects with josh gassman for a big gain -- that would set up a field goal 3 plays later -- giving linn-mar a 3 nothing leadcity high would answer -- nate weeland -- runs the old q- b keeper -- and he sees nothing but what the dixie chicks would like to call -- wide open spaces -- weeland runs it 78 yards for the score
lions trying to re-take the lead -- but vance dillon says -- i'll take that -- picking off phillips in the endzone -- city would go on to win 26 to 6 staying in iowa city -- west hosting south east polk third quarter west up -- 21 - 3 -- devonte lane bringing the heat -- he pops the ball up and dlyan dole is their for the pick -- then later in the quarter -- matt huff on the run -- he's a sprinter -- and shows why there -- would set up this -- evan filtz pass to oliver martin -- he caught 2 td passes and threw another -- west rolls -- 42 to 17. back up 3-80 -- to kingston stadium -- jefferson taking on pleasant valleytrailing in the fourth quarter -- jefferson q-b dylan hart keeps it himself-- to the far sideline he goes -- but just short of
continued for hart -- picked off by p-v's dajour lester-- his second of the night -- as jefferson falls 31-to-7.... and still to come -- --13 wins and counting for solon over their highway 1 rivals -- could mount vernon snap the streak -- and start their season with a huge "w" plus -- it's the debut of chalk talk -- kennedy head football coach brian white stops by -- to talk -- all things cougars -- that's next
welcome back to the o-t -- incase you were thought you missed the cougar highlights -- have no fear -- they played thursday night -- which is great for us -- because kennedy head football coach brian white is here -- for the first ever chalk talk -- let's talk about last year first -- how do you get this team not to get complacent after that historic
welcome back to the o-t -- tonight is the one hundred third meeting between independence and west delaware -- the hawks hold a 52 - 47 - and 3 advantage in the series and have won 15 of the last 16 s meetingst m this year's instalment of the the highway 20 rivalry.but it's the hawks up early 14-to nothing and looking for more -- tanner wessels rolls out and drops one in kay-bryn cook's arms -- and that would set up this -- caleb kurli -- straight up the gut for 6 more -- hawks go up 21 nothingthen in the 2nd -- more west delaware -- and more kurli -- this time he shows off his speed -- 65 yards on the score
the highway 1 rivalry -- hasn't been much of one -- solon has dominated the series -- winning 13 straight games over mount vernon -- this year could be the one that ends the streak because the mustangs are primed for a deep run to the domebut the spartans came to play -- first quarter -- kendrick harris -- takes the hand off -- and sets up solon -- knocking on the door of the endzone -- harris rumbles down to the 5and on the very next play -- graeson from 5 yards out -- solon takes a 6 nothing leadthen later in the quarter -- the spartans fake out everybody with the run -- blaze griffis hits trevor nelson in the flat -- and he flattens tyler elliot -- solon makes it 14 straight --- 26 to 21 the final.. some other scores to pass along -- center point urbana dropped their first game to vinton shellsburg 33 to 15
big time 49 to 6 the time love-ell -- era in marion begian with a loss -- the indians fell to union 35 nothing and north fayette valley took care of decorah... 28 to 7 20-15 was a historic season for ryan streets and anamosa -- the blue raiders begain the year with 11 straight wins before falling to mount vernon in the 2-a quarterfinals -- this year they start of the season with a cowbell on the lie lineit's the cowbell cup o'brien joins us from the newsroom -- do you need more cowbell? no thanks, will ferrell, i think i'm doing okay -- but these blue raiders might after quite the match-up with a young panther team.... team....plenty of cowbell to go around in a-town tonight.... but the panthers on the prowl -- down 14-8 second quarter -- jacob maternach threads the needle -- and finds logan westphal on the other end --
maternach pounds his way through on fourth down -- two point conversion good -- advantage monticello...third quarter -- down 16-14 -- cole sander finds a wide open andrew walton -- loses the ball as he crosses the line -- zebras call it good -- anamosa back in front -- but scores with eleven seconds to go in the game to take it 38-34.... 38-34....the blue raiders not it back to the state playoffs -- and two of those teams tango-ing north of highway twenty -- zach, this one's all you.... lets head up north -- denver hosting dike-new hartfordwe pick this up late in the third, denver up 22-7, dike trying to mount a comeback, trent johnson just call hiim mr. toughcdown -- he keeps the legs moving -- and cuts the cyclone lead down to 8same score inthe 4th --- wacky play here -- nick durnin -- gets the snap -- fumbles it -- and johnson is johnny on the spot
-- the wolverines would get the two point conversion to tie it up at 22but with seconds remaining -- kain eagle -- is the hero for denver -- he drills the field goal for the game winner -- cyclones win 25 to 22. just up south denver -- jesup taking on east buchannon in their opener --- it was a defensive battle early - but the buccaneers crack jayhawk territory - tyler williams on the sweep - big number 45 the corner, picks up a first down and is pushed out inside the redzone.- few plays later, ryan schmitt on the play action, tries to find someone over the middle - but cole van brocklin jumps the route, jayhawks going the other way.- still tied at zeros, buccaneers forced to punt, it's nearly blocked , but some serious hangtime, the jayhawk returner muffs the punt, max mcgraw jumps on the loose ball. - bucs couldn't capitalize on that turnover....j hawks win, 14 to 7 lisbon kicking off their home opener against winfield mount union and hows this for a start -- first play on offense
takes the handoff and he gone -- 40 yards to the house -- just like that it's 6 nothing lisbonthe lions defense just as strong -- austin krob with the sack to force a punt -- they shut out the wolvesand lisbon couldn't be stopped -- jake jennett calls his own number and gets to the corner first -- lions roll 54 zip. and west branch started their season with a loss to west liberty 40 to 20 -- and alburnett also didn't get off to the start they were hoping for - they fell to north cedar 14 to 7 don't go anwhere -- there's more to come on the o-t o-tcould the don's continue to run wild in the 8 man game over their opponents opponentsplus -- the tractor browl was up for grabs in springville -- would the o's keep the trophy -- that's
wild over their compition -- the don's scored an averaged 64 points per game -- earning them a spot in the 8-man championship game -- the goal this season -- get back to the e domeand that starts with midland first quarter and the dons were already in business -- brandon babgy -- plunges in -- and don bosco goes up 24 nothingand they could play d -- too -- wyatt saw-vell-- climbs the latter right in your living room for the interception -- and we are going the other way -- a svo-bah-doe -- out runs everybody to the endzone -- 79 yards on the scamper -- all don bosco in this one -- 52 to 14 the final. when it came to football central city and springville used to be one team -- called the catbirds -- now they're two and each year they play eachother for something big bigwe bring in mia --- again -- and there were bragging rights on the line tonight in springville you're just full of fun animal
well speaking of catbirds -- this central city - springivlle game was for the bi. birds...the o's coming off a 59-20 drubbing in week one.... first quarter -- cavanaugh riley to zach march -- tap tap -- for the touchdown -- seven-oh o's....they got it done on defense too -- still first quarter -- who's got it? he's got it? james fitzgerald's got it for the second springville pick six of the first quarter.... twenty-one after a few central city defensive stops -- second quarter --riley airs it to march once more -- and he marches on into the endzone -- the orioles marching on with a 55-13 win.... and so springville has made a name for themselves in the early going's of 2016 -- but they're not the only ones -- for our final game of the night, let's send it back to zach in the studio, zach? elsewhere in 8-man -- janesville hosting meskwaki --
himself -- the q-b out running every one to the endzone -- 6 nothing janesvillenot such luck for meskawki's first drive -- tate bear fumbles it -- kevin hahn pounces it and good defense turns into even better offensedalton woodyard -- takes the toss and scores on the pitch -- janesville wins easy 62 to 6 that's a wrap on week one of the o-t --- we'll do it again -- next week -- same time -- but on our sister station fox
expect to live longer than your nontwin counterparts and if you're an identical male twin you might live even longer. >> stephen: i did not know that. well, well, well, seems you'll be stuck with me for quite a long time. >> stephen: and the same goes for our twin kitties. >> stephen: hey, guys. did they say anything about how long triplets live? >> stephen: yes. >> it's "the late show"" with
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thanks down here. that's a fantastic. what a lovely crowd. you can tell a friday crowd when you hear one. there's no-- you can't-- you cannot fake that. >> jon: right, yeah. >> stephen: you know that'sed from. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. your host this friday. folks, it's friday. ( applause ) ? it's it's friday oh ? it's friday ? >> stephen: i don't know what song you're dancing to but i like it. i have a quick word of warning before we get started tonight. tonight's monologue was created in a factory that also processes peanuts. it's important to say in case anyone has an allergy. especially now, because mylan, the company that produces these epipens right here-- anybody use one of these?
for a pair to over 600 bucks. yeah, that price is enough to send you into shock, but don't do it because you can't afford the pen anymore. now, mylan pharmaceuticals claims the price, "has changed over time to better reflect the value the product provides." ( laughter ) now, to be clear, that value is saving the lives of people who can't breathe. or as mylan likes to call them, "gasping, cash-filled meat sacks." ( laughter ) now all of this, you know, hiking up of medicine, reminds a lot of people of a guy named martin shkreli, the pharma bro who jacked up the cost of h.i.v. drugs by 5,000%. can we put up a picture of skhreli? that was a close one.
( cheers and applause ) and when asked about mylan, shkreli certainly had something to shkrell about it. >> these are life-saving drugs. people don't have a choice whether they can buy them or not. >> yeah, well, that's up to insurance to pay for them. like i said, it's $300 a pen. $300. my iphone is $700, ok? >> but you don't need an iphone to exist. >> yeah, that doesn't matter though, because it's $300 and 90% of americans are ins >> stephen: okay, i've got two problems with that: his total heartlessness, and her assertion that it is possible to exist without an iphone. so does she have a galaxy? i don't understand. well, after starting a firestorm, yesterday, mylan's c.e.o., heather bresch, came forward to address the criticism. >> heather, surely you must understand the outrage. the american medical association has said this is basically the
yet the price has gone up 300- or 400-fold. >> so, look, no one's more frustrated than me. ( laughter ) >> stephen: she's frustrated! i mean, the tone-deafness of that just takes your breath away. and getting your breath back will cost you over 600 bucks. ( cheers and applause ) now, in other news-- in oth investigating whether russian intelligence agencies have hacked the computers at the "new york times." or, as the "times" reported it, "putin named world's sexiest leader." ( laughter ) oh, here's a new occupational hazard to worry about: if you play the bagpipes-- and who amongst us has not dabbled-- among us hasn't dabbled-- watch out that you don't get what
lurking inside your bagpipe trigger coughing, shortness of breath, and even fever. i mean physical fever, not bagpipe fever. which we all have. this is according to an article in a medical journal called-- and this is true-- "thorax." i'm a subscriber. i keep it on my coffee table between the latest issue of "ant head" and "wasp abdomen." ( laughter ) bagpipe lung-- took a while for that to sing in, took a while. re biology class? all right. footnotes for everybody. what's going on here, bagpipe lung can be tricky to diagnose. it's hard to distinguish a hacking cough from just a scottish accent. "och, let's go to loch lomond and eat some potted hough." ( cheers and applause )
in other news-- yes, there is other news other than bagpipe lung. this week, mcdonald's recalled millions of fitness bands because they contain dangerous levels of irony. ( laughter ) ( applause ) it's in the happy meal. in the happy meal. i'll wait. i'll wait. ( applause ) mcdonald's recalled the wristbands after they left which, technically, is the job of their apple pie filling. any lord of the rings fans out there? me, too. well, a story just came out about napster billionaire sean parker's "lord of the rings" themed wedding back in 2013. here's what happened. sir ian mckellen has revealed
to officiate the wedding as gandalf, saying, "i am sorry, gandalf doesn't do weddings." damn right! gandalf doesn't have time to marry you, sean parker! he is the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of anor. he killed the mothertruckin' balrog, after chasing the ancient immortal demon through the tunnels of khazad dum until they climbed the peak of zirakzigil where he smote the demon's ruin on the mountain side. ( cheers and applause ) yeah! i'm angry now! and you know-- did you know, gandalf himself died and then returned from the dead as gandalf the white. and why? so he can marry the napster guy?! no! napster hasn't been a thing since the earindel flew vingilot to valinor. if you invite gandalf to do the
you invite gand afl, column's going to want to be the ring bearer and somebody's losing a finger. now say hello to the fellowship of jon batiste and stay human. ? ? ? my, my. ( applause ) ( cheers ) fantastic. fantastic. i am so excited it's jon, do you have any plans this weekend? >> jon: oh, wow, this weekend -- >> did you stump you? did i stump you? >> jon: yeah, i did. i didn't realize we weren't done with the show yet. i'm in show mode. >> stephen: and show mode, you don't know what you're doing later? >> jon: show mode i don't know nothing. i just know bumper. then bump in. then guest.
go home. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: that's a good description of the show. >> jon: i'm not thinking about the weekend yet. >> stephen: that's what actually says in the little digital dpied on your cable. bump in, bump out, guest walks in, go home. >> jon: no, no, guest walks out, good night, go home. >> stephen: all right, i've got a lot to learn, evidently. you know, as the host of a talk show, i wield unlimited power. for instance, any time i want, i can remind you of the cool, refreshing taste of bud light. but you know what? i would never do that. because that's an abuse of me power. weekend is starting soon. and yet there are those even even more powerful than i. history's most despotic leaders. people like genghis khan, kim jong il, and spike lee. oh, do not cross him, or he will
these merciless tyrants have but two things in common, and one of them is a big furry hat! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) now that this hat is upon my head, i am endowed with unquestionable power! this is due to my hat's two main attributes: its bigness, and its furriness. any proclamations i make while thusly en-hattened are now and forever law.
( cheers and applause ) henceforth, whenever i order a side of fruit with my omelette, the waitress shall accidentally bring me hashbrowns. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) from this day on, actor paul rudd must begin aging like the rest of us. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) i hereby decree, anyone who says, "it is what it is," will be hit with it and not told what it was. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) anyone who brags about his or her standing desk shall be forced to use a standing toilet. ( laughter )
i declare that any child who kicks the airplane seat in front of them may be used as a flotation device. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) let it be written that if a neighbor asks you to pick up their mail, you are allowed to open it first. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) by the way, grandpa batiste, thank you for the $25. i'll be sure-- i'll be sure jon gets it. every fifth popsicle stick must have an adult joke. ha-ha. yeast infection.
it's okay to bury somebody alive at the beach but wrong when you do it in the woods. the hat has spoken! we will be right back with rachel weisz. ? ? ? ( applause ) nexium 24 hour introduces new, easy-to-swallow tablets. so now, there are more ways, for more people... nce... complete protection from frequent heartburn. nexium 24hr. the easy-to-swallow tablet is here. time is the most valuable thing there is. since the beginning of time, there never seemed to be enough of it. people try to beat time. ahhhhh! but time always wins. our greatest fear is running out of time. there's a bomb in the salsa can! we gotta get out of here! my phone is still charging! so if time is the most valuable thing there is, why would you waste more than you have to
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? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: just now i gave you one kiss or you gave me one kiss and you said, "one kiss." is that because two was an option? >> i was told that if i was going to give you two, i should let you know in advance, but i didn't have time to. >> stephen: somebody backstage actually said warn him if you kiss him twice? >> yes, pause i'm such a good girl. i'm not going to on stephen colbert, i'm going to do one kiss. i thought if i gave two, it might throw you off. >> stephen: let's find out. oevment! >> two. >> stephen: that's three. that's three. ( cheers and applause ). >> three. you don't have any lipstick gld no lipstick. okay. the results are in. and it threw me off. because i'm a huge fan of yours. your performance in "the
as i told your husband when he was here, daniel craig, it was one of the most beautiful, nuanced performance i have ever seen. >> thank you, my goodness me, thank you so much. >> stephen: thank you, thank you. and now your new film is called, let me get this right, "complete unknown." >> yes. >> stephen: and you play's woman who actually has multiple identities. >> yes. >> stephen: who is the character and why is she doing this? >> she is she has a pathological need to become people for many years. she will for five or six years change her name, her social security number, her profession, fake diplomas, fake college degrees, and say, "i'm a nurse and have these diplomas," and live in a new city, with a new name, with a new satorl look. >> stephen: is she running from the police? why is she doing this? >> no, she's not. she's just pathologically unwell. ( laughter ) >> well, i mean, to point out
and you do that professionally. ( laughter ) is there anything-- >> aahhh! >> stephen: is there-- i mean-- >> i hear you. >> stephen: it's an obvious question obviously but is there anything your love of acting, inhabiting other people's personas that is pathological, you think? >> it's really-- i hear what you're saying-- but it's really different being an actor. yeah, because i go home every day to my family and real life. and when i've been on the stage or i've been on the set making a movie, everybody knows they have to make up lies, right? there's a contract. >> stephen: right, right. >> we're lie-making together. whereas this woman in the film is just to go it on her own. she's writing her own script. she's making her own movie s. >> stephen: and how many different identities do we see? >> nine. >> stephen: is this like "cybil" or something where there
>> my character does not have different accents, though. she just has-- she stays in america, yeah. >> stephen: okay. >> she's american. >> stephen: she's american. >> like me. yeah, she's american. >> stephen: are you american? >> no. >> stephen: i don't know, because sometimes people are born here and move over to england and get the speech impediment, but they come back-- ( laughter ) they can't break it. they can't break it. they can't break it. you said earlier that, like, i-- together agz actors," actors lying together. are you a good liar? >> no. >> stephen: really? >> i'm terb. >> stephen: that's what a good liar would say. >> you got me there is there did you lie as a child? did you make up stories and stuff like that? >> yeah, but in my head, on my own. i didn't, like, spread them. spread the lies. are you into lies. >> stephen: i loved it. i loved lying. >> did you. >> stephen: i loved the idea. i would lie to anybody on a
>> what did you say? you can't do it anymore because you're very recognizable. >> stephen: no, i can't anymore. >> what a shame. >> stephen: it was a lot of fun? >> like what? >> stephen: if it was a young guy on the plane, "what do you do for a living?" "i run a security firm. we just do modeling shoots. we just make sure the young, beautiful models can get from place to place." and they're like, "that's the greatest job in the world!" "yeah, it's pretty cool. it's how i met my wife. how i met my ( applause ) i said-- we have to take a little break here. you can stick around? >> you aroused envy. >> stephen: i aroused envy? >> you aroused envy. >> stephen: i aroused envy? that's not all i aroused. we'll be right back with more rachel weisz. and even polk-a-dots too! plus yes2you rewards members earn 1 point for every dollar spent.