tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 8, 2020 11:35pm-12:06am PDT
host billy eichner with amy schumer. we'll see you tomorrow. good night. . >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live" with guest host, billy eichner. tonight, amy schumer and jaime harrison. and now, billy eichner. >> hi, everyone i'm your guest host billy eichner and welcome to another night of entertainment in our disease-ravaged, fascist state. bryan adams once sang "summer of '69" but this is the summer of n95. good evening, welcome to "jimmy kimmel live." now, if you don't know me maybe you're looking at the screen and thinking "did john krasinski have some type of terrible accident?" but no, i'm billy eichner. i'm here filling in for jimmy kimmel tonight because when i think about who deserves two months off from work it's definitely public school teachers and the man who won an emmy for producing a one night reboot of "the jeffersons."
of course, i'm here in los angeles, where this weekend i'll be participating in that classic summertime activity: mitigating risk. it's a confusing time here in hollywood. tv and films are slowly ramping up as productions try to answer the age-old question, is it possible to entertain americans without giving a communicable respiratory disease to ken jeong? but i'm very excited to be hosting these next few nights. we have some truly incredible guests coming on and one that i cannot stand. but i've always wanted to host a late-night talk show so someday i hope to. because this is not a late night talk show. this is like hosting the world's saddest make-up tutorial. and now let's put a comedic spin on some devastating news. as you may know, wearing face masks that help prevent covid-19 has weirdly become some kind of political issue. angry americans have been sending death threats to health officials who've been advocating for mask requirements. which i think is such a waste of time.
you're already not wearing a mask in the middle of a pandemic, we know you want to kill us! we knew that back when you kept wearing guns to chipotle. america, what are we doing? americans weren't even able to take the virus seriously as a public health threat for as long as they took james franco seriously as a short story writer. look, i get it. i do. you're over it. quarantine is hard. i live alone and i'm a little sick of people telling me not to socialize. i mean, easy for you to say, you have a husband and kids. i've been sitting at home alone for four months watching the jeffrey epstein doc on netflix and saying "how did that we let that happen?" to my broom. and i, like everyone, spent this past weekend watching "hamilton" on disney plus. of course, this being disney, hamilton now has a new sidekick, a plucky animated turtle voiced by mindy kaling. yes, "hamilton," the show that caused your aunt to say "look at the legs on thomas jefferson." now, "hamilton" did receive some
criticism this week from critics who say the show ignores the fact that hamilton and thomas jefferson were slaveowners. which is fair. but if you want to talk about a lack of historical accuracy in streaming films, you should know there is not a single mention of the gay rights movement in "scoob." but i highly recommend watching "hamilton" on disney plus. i saw "hamilton" on broadway years ago and watching it on tv had all the magic of the broadway show with none of the discomfort i experienced realizing i somehow ended up in the same row but with really nothing to say to tobey maguire. and in some other big disney news, beyonce announced that on july 31st she's releasing the vaccine. oh, no i'm sorry, she's releasing a visual album on disney plus inspired by "the lion king." i played timon in "the lion king" with beyonce last year. and i'm excited to announce that disney is now doing a spinoff of "the lion king" about timon and, i'm telling you, if you liked "black panther," you will love
"gay meerkat." yes, that is a picture of timon holding a sign saying stone wall was a riot. i would like to use tonight's monologue to share some big personal news. after years of considering it, i have finally joined cameo. if you're not familiar cameo is an app where people can make their favorite depressed celebrities say whatever they want. and this pandemic has made me just sad enough to join. so if you're a fan of mine and you'd like a greeting from me for you or a friend for any occasion, come find me on cameo. i recorded my first cameo videos for fans this week and i thought i'd give you a look. check it out. hey, sara, it's billy eichner. this is my first cameo many your friend jen told me to tell you happy birthday, and she's thinking about you, and she
really wishes she could be with you this weekend. and she wanted me to tell you that, as a white person, you have implicit bias, because your parents are racist and your grand parents are racist and you are inherently racist. so, have the best weekend, and you really need to work on yourself this summer. okay, happy birthday, sara, even though you haven't really earned it. gwen, it's billy eichner. your buddy dan wanted me to tell you congratulations on your promotion. that's awesome. and he wanted me to say that you really deserve this, and you've worked really hard for it, and he wanted me to tell you that you have to start wearing a mask when you go outside. can i ask you something, gwen? what the hell is wrong with you? we're living through a plague, gwen. are you living under a rock? do you think i woke up thinking i hope i get to walk by gwen so
i can breathe in your disgusting droplets? you selfish pig. you are a selfish pig. that's what dan says. hi, seth. moss mazel tov on your bar mitzvah. i just wanted to say congratulations, and i heard the theme of your bar mizva party is defund the police. it's apparently the academy awards. you know what, seth, maybe you should tell your parents to take the $50,000 they're spending on birthday party on you, a child, who's accomplished nothing, and use it to play a little party game i like to call reparations. anyway, mazel tov, sethy. we all love you. and there you go, my first cameos. so if you want your own personalized video message from me it will only cost you $700, which is money you could be donating to more important places but if you'd rather be a sociopath, download cameo today. we've got a good show for you
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and their covid relief efforts all over the city. register now at aidswalk.net ♪ >> welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live." i'm billy eichner alone in this empty duplex. in just a little bit, i will talk with the man challenging lindsey graham for his seat in the u.s. senate. and tomorrow, billy corder will be here and we'll have kim petras.
my next guest has a new docuseries exceptionally funny person and the subject of a new docuseries that follows her dealing with a difficult pregnancy while embarking on a massive cross country stand-up tour. >> chris fisher, chris is the sweetest guy in the world. you've been taking care of me every day. making a better peanut butter and banana sandwich. you're the best husband in the world, and i love you. i know i'm probably going to be mean to you tomorrow. "expecting amy" premieres tomorrow on hbo max. please welcome amy schumer. how are you, amy? >> ooh! she's so great. >> billy: sorry, there's no studio audience. >> no. this is better. it's really nice to see you, you know? >> billy: you, too. >> you've been getting us
through this pandemic. we've been watching belly illy e streets reruns, and it's been such a joy. >> billy: oh, my god. that is so sweet of you. let's get to you. >> i love you. >> billy: it's a night about you. i have to say congratulations all day long. i have been reading rave reviews about this docuseries. i got to see some of it myself. you are, you've always been incredibly honest, brutally honest in a hilarious way, but in this docuseries, you are so open, so raw, physically, emotionally, and i want to know, now that it's getting released into the world, how are you feeling? are you nervous about people seeing all of this? >> i actually, thanks for saying that. i actually wasn't nervous, and now hearing you say all of that stuff now, now i am. now i'm nervous. >> billy: well, good. >> no, i mean, yeah.
it's like really personal, and it has been getting nice reviews, and i didn't think about, i didn't think about it getting reviews. >> billy: you didn't think of anyone but you and your pregnancy. >> exactly. it's so personal. my family, it couldn't be any more personal, but yeah, i mean, we lucked out, except of course my hometown newspaper, "news day" was like she pukes too much. thank you. my mom can take the paper, you know. >> billy: news day is the long island paper. i wouldn't say "news day" is known for their arts criticism. >> i know, i know. >> billy: but shout out to the one who used to the movie reviews. one thing i've always envied about you, i think because of things like "billy on the street" people think in real life i'm loud and outrageous, but i'm actually kind of shy and
starstruck. >> you're a little bit of an introvert. >> billy: what was that? >> i think of you as an introvert. >> billy: it's true. if i meet people in person, i getner neurotic, and then i lon your page, and you're like, "i'm dilating." >> that's really funny. >> billy: in the documentary, you manage to be funny even while you're throwing up. and you do throw up a lot. funny while throwing up, that's not something even betty white could do. >> oh, my god. i can't believe that. you would never say that to her face. >> billy: i wouldn't, i wouldn't. how did you, that balance must have been very tricky. were you focussed on being funny even while you were so sick? >> well, i think like, i mean, i don't know about you, but for me, like, i had really rough, like sad parts of my childhood. >> billy: mm-hm. >> was the middle child and felt
like i had to keep everyone going, so when i am in the most duress is probably when i turn it on the most. >> billy: right. >> because i don't feel like i am okay or everyone around me is okay, so that's when we like, are like, everything's still okay, you know. we're really not, like, actually tyi dying inside. >> billy: i get that. everyone needs to check out this docuseries. i know you also have a new partnership you're working on. >> yeah. >> billy: what is that? tell us about that. >> well, speaking of blood, i did, i partnered up with tampax. we both are really interested in taking the shame out of women and their bodies and, you know. because ultimately, we get our periods so we can then hopefully have children and keep the population going. so it felt like a very natural progression for us to work together. >> billy: yes.
and i love that idea. it's a great partnership. abbott and costello, nickels and may, amy schumer and tampax. >> it was only a matter of time, right? and i love your next guest, jaime harrison. i mean, let's unseat lindsey graham, honey! >> billy: you can say that. i'm not allowed to make any endorsements, but i'm very, very excited to talk to jaime harrison. amy schumer, everyone check out all three part of the documentary, "expecting amy", available tomorrow. thank you so much and we all look forward to watching the docuseries. we'll be right back with u.s. senatorial candidate, jaime harrison. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by tampax. for worse or for better ♪ (yeah) ♪ through any kind of weather, ♪ (yo) ♪ you're my friend in need. ♪ (come on, come on)
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♪ >> welcome back to "jimmy kimmel live," i'm billy eichner. my next guest is hoping to send lindsey graham off into a very unhappy retirement. at shady pines. please welcome the democratic candidate for u.s. senator from the great state of south carolina, jaime harrison. how were you jaime? >> i'm great, billy. thank you so much for having me, congratulations on your virtual hosting. >> billy: virtual hosting. that's a good way of putting t i have to say congratulations to you. last night i saw that your campaign just raised a staggering $13.9 million.
which is not exactly grammar "frazier" money, but it's impressive. the polls have you virtually tied with lindsey graham, and at the same time, south carolina hasn't elected a democrat to the senate senince what made you say i'm the guy who can beat lindsey graham? >> when i first got into this race and i told people i'm going to run for united states senate, they said that's great, jaime and turned around and chuckled. because many people didn't take me seriously, but, you know, others, folks said that, you know, you can't win. you can't win against a guy who's been there for 25 years, a guy who flies around on air force one and golfs with the president of the united states. but this is the thing. all my life, i've beaten the
odds, you know. i grew up in a small, rural town. my mom was a teenager when she had me. my grand parents helped raise me. they at a they didn't have much education. in every step of my life, people said you can't do this. you can't go to college, i went to yale. you can't get a degree, i got one in georgetown. you can't be the chair of the democratic party, and now i was the first black chair. and now folks are telling me, jai jaime, you can't beat lindsey graham. this quarter, we doubled, almost doubled what we raised. because we're going to beat him. we're going to close the chapter on what i call the old south which lindsey is a relic of. we're going to start a new south, that's bold, inclusive and tdiverse. i feel the energy on the ground with people who are fed up with
lindsey graham and the rubber stampings he's been doing. >> billy: it's so impressive. one thing i found fascinating that you said about lindsey. i think the quote is, lindsey's too into being lindsey. what did you mean by that? >> well, he's totally focussed on his own political power and political relevance. he's not focussed on the people of south carolina. hey, billy, when you think about it, this is a man who hasn't ton done an in person live town hall. this is a state where 38% of our rural communities have no access to broadband wi-fi. that means you can't get on the internet. right now, a report came out that said 17,000 kids have not been in contact with their school systems since march. we're in a place where 14 of our 46 counties had no obgyns.
and so there's so much need here. but we have a senator who cares more about his tee times with the president or flying on air force one or some fancy dinner instead of coming here and rolling up his sleeves to do the work of the people of south carolina. and it's just of -- >> billy: i heard an interview on the "new york times" podcast last year, and they shade aid t how could you be so opposed to trump before he won and now be one of his closest supporters, and he just said, it's because i like to stay relevant. he used that word. >> yes. >> billy: and i thought, relevant? that's not something a politician describes themselves as being relevant is what a pop star worries about. relevant is what megan trainor worries about or kylie jenner. that's not something that a politician should be thinking about, know what i mean? >> it's a sad statement, because
relevance for me is making sure that all the kids that grew up the way that i did, poor and having all these barriers in front of them can live the american dream. that's what we want. that's what we need. and lindsey's not doing that. if we, we just need somebody who will fight for us and not fight against us. and that's why we're building this movement, a grass roots movement, to change south carolina, bring hope back to our state, and, as i always tell folks, you want to be a part of it, go to jaime harrison.com. things are going to change. and we're going to see it in this election. >> billy: jaimeharrison.com is one of my favorite, along with entertainmenttonight.com. those are my two favorites. i wish we could talk forever. i hope i get to see you down the road. >> i'm going to send you, these are the lindsey graham
flip-flops on the website. i'll send you a pair. i'll get your size, and we'll send you a pair of these lindsey graham flip-flops. >> billy: they'll go great with my lindsey graham condoms that i use. an honor to have you, good luck on the campaign trail and congrats on everything that's happened so far. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [10th gen intel bong] ♪ contactless delivery tarright to your door,very-
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♪ >> that's all we've got for tonight. i'd like to thank amy schumer, jaime harrison, and jimmy kimmel, wherever he may be. i'll be back tomorrow with billy porter and music from kim petras. "nightline" is next. you may now remove your corona mask and put on the one you wear for sleep apnea. goodnight. ♪
tonight, the inside story. one nursing home overrun by covid-19. >> when bodies are piling up, there's something wrong. >> now an investigation. we're with the families and officials looking for answers. >> not one person in my family was told that there was a covid-positive cases in that facility. how [ bleep ] dare you. >> plus two senior communities changing their game for their residents during the pandemic. fighting against isolation and the virus itself. what their discoveries could mean for facilities nationwide. >> a special edition of "nightline," devil