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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  February 28, 2022 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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cox, and you look at the tower >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- courteney cox. jimmy o yang. and music from avril lavigne with blackbear and travis barker. and now, jimmy kimmel! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i am the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i'll try to make this quick. i know you're very busy. the big story, of course, is the war on ukraine. not a whoa, really. but i appreciate the enthusiasm.
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where the russians are bombing civilians while saying they aren't. the ukrainians are not giving up. they are showing great courage. in the shadow of the murderer, vladmir putin. a man whose list of admirers now is down to tucker carlson and donald trump. even failsly neutral switzerland, is taking action against russia. switzerland! switzerland, who never takes a side is taking a side on this. they have frozen russian assets and closing swiss airspace. this is good and hopeful. so not only is putin in hot water, now he's in hot chocolate too. the swiss president said, "russia's attack cannot be accepted regarding international law, this cannot be accepted politically, and this cannot be accepted morally." and these are the people who gave hitler a safe deposit box. he announced the sanctions this afternoon. >> the swiss people will not condone this unacceptable act of aggression. ricola! >> jimmy: so to recap, russia has now lost the taliban and the
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swiss. the most and least violent people in the world are united against russia right now. even putin's personal bank accounts have been frozen. the ruble plummeted today. russians are panicking. there are long lines at banks in moscow. people trying to get as much cash as possible. fifa suspended russia from the world cup. and the ioc is recommending that russian athletes get banned from the olympics. now they want to ban them from the olympics. one of the few bright spots in all of this has been the example set by this man. ♪ ♪ you can do anything my blue suede shoes ♪ >> jimmy: you know who that is? that's the president of ukraine, zelenskyy. has shown great courage and is a hell of a swing dancer too. before he was president, he was a comedian. he played the president of ukraine on a comedy show. that video was from when he was on his country's version of
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"dancing with the stars." and he won, by the way. he was also the guy, zelenskyy, was the guy on the other end of that perfect call with the celebrity extortionist donald trump. donald mcdonald was quarter pounding his little fists at cpac this weekend. explaining, in no detail, why he believes bigly that there would be no war if he was still in office. >> but with respect to what's going on now, it would have been so easy for me to stop this travesty from happening. he understood me, and he understood that i didn't play games. this would not have happened. some day i'll tell you exactly what we talked about. but we talked about it. and he did have an affinity. there is no question about it, for ukraine. i said never let it happen. you better not let it happen. >> jimmy: yeah. i'm sure the conversation went just exactly like that. some day he'll tell us.
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what does he think this is, "how i met your dictator"? this is, that putin understood, he didn't play games. all he does is play games. he hosted a game show. he doesn't play games. he is a game. look at that. he sold trump the game. trump also said nato wouldn't exist if it weren't for him. which -- what is it with this guy? without you there'd be no nato? nato has been around for 73 years! did you also invent rap? "without me, there would be no afrika bambaataa!" i don't know about you, but i'm not particularly interested in hearing captain bone spurs' thoughts on war when his only military credentials are leading an attack on his own vice president at the capitol. there's a war going on. you'd think we'd all be on the same page. be an american for one minute and shut up. even the clown from "it" took a few years off between terrorizing children. trump boasted and whined for
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85 minutes at cpac. i don't know how this didn't wind up on the front page of ever website, but it would seem that he finally has proof that the election was stolen from him. >> one of the worst scandals ever, i call it the crime of the century, ballot harvesting as it gets released. and it's all on tape. it's all on tape. with over 2,000 ballot stuffers, or as they call them, mules. they call them mules. these are ballot stuffers. we have it on tape. it's all on tape. and it's coming out over the next three weeks. >> jimmy: right. it's all on a tape that none of us will ever see. let's mark the calendar for three weeks, and see if we ever get a look at that "tape." [ applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know, maybe mypillow guy has it in the back of his trunk. it's in the lockbox and he can't find the key or something. they'll get it though. and maybe the most infuriating trump talking point of all, is this insane lie he continues to peddle. that "no one was harder on putin" than him. no one was harder for putin than him. let's put it that way. but this is a tough one for
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donald trump because if biden's sanctions work and russia runs out of money in 2024, there will be no one to fund his campaign. he sees this whole thing. he doesn't care about ukrainian people. he has decided to make this war about donald trump. >> it would not have happened if our administration were in place. not even close. >> this would not have happened during my administration. >> this would never have happened, never in a million years, would have never happened. >> we're in a very bad position right now. and as i said, it would have never happened. so now you have a problem in ukraine that you would have never had under my administration that would have never happened. i had a very good relationship with putin. >> very simple. it wouldn't have happened. >> by the way, this never would have happened with us. >> because it wouldn't have happened. >> jimmy: right. it wouldn't have happened because it wouldn't have happened. how could it happen if it didn't happen? it doesn't make any sense. i agree that putin wouldn't have invaded if trump were president. for the same reason, you don't have to invade papa john's to
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get an ultimate pepperoni pizza. they deliver! and then, trump announced that he once again plans to run for president of the united states. >> the socialists, globalists, marxists and communists who are attacking our civilization have no idea of the sleeping giant they have awoken. we are a sleeping giant. november 2024, they will find out like never before. we did it twice, and we'll do it again. we're going to be doing it again a third time. >> jimmy: that's right. the emperor speaks. and while the people of ukraine fight back, americans are fighting back too. in our own ways, expressing disapproval at the actions of the russian government at the br.
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>> one former nfl star who is now a restaurant owner is also pulling russian-made vodka from his menus. >> we got to get a message over there to the people to get on their leader putin and let him know they're doing the wrong thing. >> jimmy: well, that ought to do it. give 'em hell, broadway joe! that's how he beat the colts in the super bowl. he stopped buying vodka from them. russia has been trying to control what their citizens see on social media. they don't want ordinary russians to know what they're up to. so putin blocked them from using twitter. that's one of the big differences between russia and the u.s. in russia, the president blocks twitter. over here, twitter blocks the president. the sanctions, though, caused russian only fans models -- are they models? i don't know. but they got locked out of their accounts over the week. onlyfans is the platform you pay every week to see people naked.
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i know your wives are sitting next to you and you have to pretend you don't. but you do. you do. over the weekend, onlyfans "entertainers" in russia were locked out of their accounts. which is not what the white house intended. so today, a spokesman for the d.o.d. addressed the issue to clarify our intent when it comes to sanctions. >> however, i wanted to clear something up. these sanctions do not apply to russian creators on onlyfans. they are still free to make any of the following types of videos, solo, group, hand, foot, foot massage, foot bath, foot worship, bondage, heavy bondage, heavy, heavy bondage. electrostimulation, humiliation, electrohum mill united nation, butt play, impact play, puppy play, wife swapling, pinching,
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plugging, or anything filmed in or around a quote, unquote bang bust. >> can you tell us more about the puppy play? >> i'll send you some links. no further questions. >> jimmy: the only thing more powerful than democracy is pornography. there is yet another tell-all book about the trump presidency on the way called "one damn thing after another." and it's written by his former attorney general, bill barr. you may remember bill barr as the guy who shamelessly lied about what was in the mueller report? he says during the final months of the administration he realized that trump only cared about one thing, himself. country and principle took second place. it took him until the final months to figure that out. i came to that conclusion after one episode of "the apprentice." among other revelations barr says he believes the election was not stolen, trump lost. and he urges the republican party to move on, writing -- "donald trump has shown he has neither the temperament nor persuasive powers to provide the kind of positive leadership that
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is needed." and while it seems awfully convenient for yet another trump enabler to now try to distance himself and cash in. working for trump was incredibly stressful for barr -- this is after he worked for trump for two years. this is what he looked like when he started. yes. and so there are a lot of bad, crazy, and bad crazy people out there. and it would seem that i am one of them. maybe even two of them. there is a guy who wrote a book called "the storm is upon us." he found the arrest and execution list that qanon put together. this is a list of all the celebrities, and world leaders, who have supposedly been arrested and/or executed. it's a long list with a couple of hundred names on it, from queen elizabeth to joe biden to meryl streep and it turns out -- you can see here, my name is on it too. apparently, i've been arrested
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and am awaiting tribunal. what is a tribunal? what a way to find that out! my name comes right after bernie sanders, who's in guantanamo. and boris johnson, who's been executed. and i'm ahead of the baldwin brothers alec and billy, who have both been executed. and three time oscar winner jack nicholson who, sadly, has also been executed, but still manages to make it to lakers games. now, you might be wondering how is it possible that jimmy kimmel has been arrested and is waiting tribunal when i see him standing right in front of me talking about this. well, that's where this woman from facebook comes in. her name is wendy. she says once arrests and executions of famous people are completed, these people have a double or clone that was put in place to make people think they're still around, which is quite a hell of a plan. they must have hatched this when i was born, because my clone and i are the same age. can you believe i'm a clone, guillermo? >> guillermo: congratulations. >> jimmy: maybe you're a clone
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too. >> guillermo: maybe, yeah. >> jimmy: i wish i had known i was a clone, i could be in vegas right now. anyway, i'm not sure who i am, or where i am. maybe we're all inmates in a clone prison right now. but i want to thank wendy for tipping me off. all i know is that whomever i happen to be that individual has a top quality show for you tonigh jimmy o. yang is here we've got music from avril lavigne, and we'll be right back with courteney cox. so stick around. [ cheering and applause ] ♪ >> abc's "jimmy kimmel live!" brought to you by nissan.
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okay jack, these recipes aren't gonna create themselves. it's crunch time! but first, it's heinz dip & crunch time! i'm dipping into the latest innovation by combining heinz secret sauce and potato chip crunchers for the perfect bite. my heinz dip & crunch bacon cheeseburger combo.
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only at jack in the box. it's ground-breaking delicious, and definitely the only burger that's meant to be dipped into heinz secret sauce and potato chip crunchers. it's the heinz dip and crunch bacon cheeseburger. i'm gonna dip out and get one now! my heinz dip & crunch bacon cheeseburger combo. only at jack in the box. ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. tonight from "space force" on
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netflix, jimmy o. yang is with us. then later, her new album is called "love sucks." avril lavigne with blackbear and travis barker. tomorrow night, sandra oh, russell wilson and ciara, and music from mitski. so please join us then. guillermo, are you into todd squad? >> guillermo: no, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's an app for new parents. it's brand-new. if your baby is having trouble sleeping, they will bring tater tots in the middle of the night. >> guillermo: oh, wow. >> jimmy: and i guess the tater tots put the kids right to sleep. it's truly amazing. i couldn't recommend it more. you know our first guest from ten seasons of "friends," five "scream" movies, and one life-changing dance with bruce springsteen. next, she's playing an erotic novelist in the new series "shining vale," it premieres sunday on starz. please say hello to courteney cox. [ cheering and applause ]
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♪ >> jimmy: how you doing, courtn courtney? thanks for coming. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: thanks for coming. what do you have there in your bag? >> jimmy, remember when you were smelling those scents at my house? >> jimmy: i do. >> well, the product came out. >> jimmy: that's very exciting. i feel like i was a part of this. >> i think you were. you definitely had an opinion. >> jimmy: did you listen to my opinion or not? >> absolutely. you and jason bateman. but this is home court. and there is three products and four different scents. >> jimmy: we used this morning, by the way. >> did you? molly is so sweet. she ordered it. >> jimmy: somebody accidentally left a ziploc bag full of crab claws on the floor. and these cleaned it right up. not a joke, by the way. not a joke.
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it really disgusting things are going on at our house, whereas you have the cleanest, neatest and most organized kitchen i have ever even imagined. it's so -- i don't know if you know this, but every time when we're at your house, then afterwards we'll go home, and my wife will look around our kitchen and yell at me. >> i am pretty neat, i got to say. >> jimmy: would you describe yourself as a clean freak? >> i mean, yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: you're always cleaning. >> yeah, i do like things really organized. and i do like things pretty clean, yeah. i do. >> jimmy: was monica a clean freak because you are a clean freak or vice versa, or was it just a coincidence? >> well, i think that -- i wasn't type cast, but maybe a little bit. i think that i added to the cleanliness of monica. she was very competitive. but i think that i was actually a little more clean than she was. >> jimmy: there is a -- at your house, is it correct to say there is an almost constant jam
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session going on at your house? >> okay, i'm obsessed with music, and i do have a lot of friends that are in the music business. ed sheeran is a friend of mine. >> jimmy: you play the piano. you play the drums sometimes. >> well, i played with you. >> jimmy: but you're pretty good at it. >> i'm okay at the drums. but i'm getting better at the piano. music is kind of my thing. ed introduced me to johnny. i love music. >> jimmy: ed is ed sheeran. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and johnny is johnny mcdaid, your lover it would be fair to say your lover? >> i never call him my lover, but i like that. >> jimmy: great songwriter. >> yep. >> jimmy: and also plays guitar. >> and piano. >> jimmy: in snow parole and piano. and has written songs for so many different people and written some of ed sheeran's biggest hits. >> you name it. "shivers," all of them that are out now. >> jimmy: he attracts a great group of musicians. and then you a great host. and you bring these people
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together. and you have -- is it fair to say you're having more fun than anybody? >> i do have fun, especially on sundays. i like to bring people together. >> jimmy: right. >> and yeah, i love playing music. and i got to play with elton john. >> jimmy: right. you tony danza. he did tiny dancer. >> brandi carlile and ed was on my right, ed on my left. you cannot get better than that. >> jimmy: are they dirty in your house and you have to clean up after them? >> well, ed stay there's a lot. >> jimmy: yeah. ed sleeps in the guest house, right? >> he's not the neatest person for sure. >> jimmy: he's not? and do you like that? because it gives you something to clean? because it seems like everything is perfect all the time. >> well, it's perfect before people get there. and people think that i have this real issue. oh, we didn't mean to sit here. no, i'm actually okay. i like people to do it. i just happen to when you leave try not to look while you're there. >> jimmy: can i tell you something?
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>> i'm not as bad. >> jimmy: i don't know if you're aware of this, but it's not when we leave. it's while we're there. you're always like doing this. >> okay, wait. can i tell you something? >> jimmy: yeah. >> you were making this really nice tomato. >> jimmy: oh, no. what did i do? >> we were sitting there at the counter. he is such an amazing cook, chef, whatever you call it. you're cutting these tomatoes, and i'm watching the tomato juice get on the counter. and that's acidic. okay. but he was so nice. i'm not going to say anything. >> jimmy: i had a feeling i had done something. yeah. i am a messy -- i am a messy marvin as they say. >> it wasn't the messy. it was the acid. on the counter. >> jimmy: on the -- tomato acid. let's be very clear. so ed sheeran was on james corden's show. and he was talking about staying at your house. and he was talking about a gift that he was very kind to give you. and what was that gift exactly? >> he was so kind.
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every time he stays at the house without me knowing, he will order on amazon or alexa or whatever a mask. >> jimmy: like one of those pulp fiction sex masks. >> and i must have ten. but they always come when i'm least expecting it. >> jimmy: each time he orders one. and then you get -- and you have to pay for these too, right? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: this would actually make a nice coffee table book. >> that's not a bad idea. >> jimmy: and this is -- this has happened ten times now? >> oh, yeah, for sure. and it's such a weird thing. i love amazon, so i'm excited about what i've ordered in the middle of the night. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's never what i want. >> jimmy: so do you -- have you thought about doing anything to ed to retaliate? or are you going to let him keep doing this? >> i don't know. i probably should sneak some in his bag so when he goes home, i should buy some even worse ones. though the horse one, you can't get worse than that. >> jimmy: if you want, i'll go to his house and put tomato juice all over his counter.
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>> he probably wouldn't know or care. >> jimmy: and how does your daughter coco, who is what, 17 now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is this crazy to her that ed sheeran is over at her house? >> i cannot impress that girl. i just can't. >> jimmy: she doesn't care. >> no. when she was about 4, zac efron came over. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> and jim marsden. she literally freaked out. i want to go home. you are home. she just couldn't handle it. now it doesn't matter. hey, ed, what's happening. >> jimmy: she doesn't care. there is no way to excite her. >> do you want to sing with ed tonight? huh-uh. no. so i really bribe her to do things with me. >> jimmy: how do you bribe her? >> well, first of all, i say do you mind doing a post with me? mom, stop using me for your instagram! you use me all the time. but i bribe her with you can go out and stay out later. you can eat in your room. >> jimmy: eat in your room. >> listen, she is the biggest
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slob. that's a nice thing. >> jimmy: especially from you. because it doesn't sound like such a great deal except i ralize eating in your room is probably the worst thing you can do at your house. >> have you ever eaten. >> jimmy: i have eaten in my room? are you kidding me? >> no, in my room? in your room, no. >> i am crazy, but not that crazy. >> jimmy: yes. now boy, i'm going to wear scuba gear when i come over. we're going to take a break and show a clip from the new show from courteney cox called "shaningvale." it premiers sunday on starz. we'll be right back. >> portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by guinness. happy st. patrick's day. we're back with courteney cox. p♪ ♪ let's hit the open road ♪ ♪ camp without a tent ♪ ♪ talk without a phone ♪ ♪ kick off your boots ♪ ♪ cook something new ♪ ♪ the meeting just started ♪ ♪ careful you're on mute ♪
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is this mine? i'm allergic to jelly. >> no, honey, you're allergic to peanut butter. you don't like jelly. where are your shoes? >> nothing. you cut the crust off? that's my favorite part of the sandwich. >> i'm sorry. i forgot about the crust. you never said [ bleep ]. >> you're calling me -- >> i hate jelly and i love crust. >> shove it! i'm your mother and i'm doing the best i can! now go upstairs and get dressed for your first day at a new school isn't a complete [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: that is courteney cox in "shining vale." it's premiering on sunday on starz.
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i know you're super excited about this show. >> i am. >> jimmy: because of the people you're working with. >> it was created by sharon horgan. >> jimmy: who is fantastic. >> she is so talented. >> jimmy: and >> it's the part i all day dreamt of. the family is broken up. she is the mom of a teenager which is hard. she's depressed, kind of in that stage in life. and she also encounters a ghost played by mira sorvino who is like -- it's not like casper. we're talking really dark. she's been through a lot, this woman. >> jimmy: the ghost has been through a lot? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. i mean, it's dark, it's funny. it's scary, though. >> jimmy: it's genuinely scary? >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you believer in ghosts? have you had a ghost experience? >> i have had one. i didn't believe at first. but i lived in this house in laurel canyon which is in l.a.,
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obviously. and it was gypsy rose lee's house and carole king. >> jimmy: wow. they lived together? >> isn't that weird? >> jimmy: very strange. >> so carole king came over the my house and she said there had been a divorce that was really ugly, and there was a ghost in the house. and i was yeah, whatever. but other people who stayed there with me, like friends of mine said they felt an encounter with a woman was sitting on the edge of the bed. and i was yeah, whatever. and carole king we did a seance. >> jimmy: you did? >> i was so in awe of her, i didn't listen to a word. >> jimmy: did carole sell this house to you or was there a buyer in between? >> i think there was buyer in between. >> jimmy: because it seems like she should have told you this before. >> i think there is always, yeah. but usually you don't tell about a divorce. it's more of a death. i was at the house one day not being a believer. the doorbell rang. it was a ups guy or something. and i opened the door and he said "do you know this house is
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hau haunted"? >> and i said yeah, why. why the you say that? and he said there is someone standing behind you. and i said let's sell. >> jimmy: what a terrible, terrible ups guy. >> so scary. >> jimmy: why would you say that to somebody? >> i couldn't sleep there again ever again. >> jimmy: did you really sell the house because of that? >> probably. >> jimmy: really? that was the end of the house? >> you don't think of it the same way. you start seeing things. >> jimmy: did the ups guy buy the house? you know, can i give you my theory on ghosts and why you should not worry about them, and why there is no such thing? all right. here it is. i know people get upset about this. so this idea that like somebody dies in the house and then there is a ghost in the house, right? that's the thing, the graveyard and that kind of stuff. wouldn't we have then like hundreds of thousands if not millions of ghosts in every hospital in america?
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wouldn't it be like crowded like coachella trying to move through the ghosts? >> that's a good point. that's good. >> jimmy: tell that to the ups guy. >> that is very smart, yeah. >> jimmy: i do want to ask you about a couple of photographs you put on instagram. number one is that, that is michael jordan. is this a date? you guys look like you're in love here. >> we do, don't we? it was not a date, but i was in awe. i mean, i don't know. i was just staring because i'm such a fanny way of the bulls and him. he is just so charming. >> jimmy: it almost looks like he is saying there is someone standing behind you! [ laughter ] and this is -- i know a little bit about this story here. this is like you and your castmates -- [ cheering ] >> jimmy: and friends, all of whom are still your friends, which is so weird. your first trip before the show went on the air, right? >> we were on our way to vegas.
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and jimmy burrows, who directed the pilot and a lot of other episodes, he gave us all $500. i think it was $500. and he said i want you to go and have a great time because this is the last time you're all going to be able to go together as a group anywhere, especially to a casino. >> jimmy: he knew the show was going to be that big of a hit? >> yeah, he did. >> jimmy: or maybe he did this to all the shows? >> pushing his luck. >> jimmy: knowing it would eventually pay off one of these days. >> a great line, right? >> jimmy: and was it a great trip? >> it was a great trip. i lost my $500 within about 20 minutes. >> jimmy: what were you playing, do you remember? >> i'm the worst at it. probably roulette. and when you have to add 21 and i can't add fast enough. >> jimmy: you're at a card table. and it's so dirty there so much dust on the table. >> i was so distracted. >> jimmy: we've got to clean this whole thing up. it's disgusting. well, it's great to see you. >> great to see you. >> jimmy: i'll see you at your
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premiere a little later on. >> thank you. >> jimmy: courteney cox, everybody. "shining vale" premieres sunday night on starz. we'll be back with jimmy o. y yang. ( ♪ ) i call it the wheel. okay. this is a miss. edison, can i be honest with you? i-i-i-it stinks. (speaking japanese) like i was saying, it's ftx. it's a safe and easy way to get into crypto. ehhh, i don't think so. and i'm never wrong about this stuff. never. ♪ ♪ [inspirational soul music]
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♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back. music from avril lavigne is coming up next. you know our next guest from "crazy rich asians" and "silicon valley." now, he is a doctor in space in season two of "space force." it's on netflix now. please welcome jimmy o. yang. [ cheering and applause ] ♪ it's always a pleasure to welcome a fellow jimmy to the show. >> jimmys are always the greatest. you know my girlfriend's last name is kimmel. >> jimmy: no way! >> somehow i get married and take her last name, it's a lot of ifs. i would be jimmy kimmel.
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>> jimmy: jimmy o. kimmel. that right? your girlfriend's last name is kimmel? >> yes. >> jimmy: there aren't a lot of us. in fact some say there are too many, but there aren't a lot of us. >> it could be related. >> jimmy: i'll go through the whole thing with you once we hit the commercial. but i do want to -- well, first of all, i love the show "silicon valley. you were so funny on that. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: and i imagine most people know you from the movies and from television shows. but you started doing stand-up comedy, and still do stand-up comedy. >> absolutely. still my first love and one of my top loves. >> jimmy: were you a kid when you started doing it? >> i might have looked like a kid. >> jimmy: how old with you? >> 21. >> jimmy: that's a kid. >> if you start before 21, they make you wait outside. because they serve alcohol in comedy clubs. >> jimmy: in the old days they didn't. not only would they let you in and go on stage, some of the older comedians would give you cocaine and ruin your life. >> i wish that happened, yes. >> jimmy: that's what used to happen. so you started in san diego and
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then l.a.? >> both. it was between junior and senior year of high school during the summer. and i started my first couple of open micah owings was at the ha-ha comedy club. and i had to pay five for five minutes of open mic to perform in front of five other apathetic comics. it was very humble beginnings. >> jimmy: basically, you rented a microphone for five minutes. >> because l.a. is so competitive, i couldn't even find a free open mic. heyed to pay for an open mic. >> jimmy: paying open mic. what a great business that is. so you didn't make any money at the beginning, right? >> not at all. >> jimmy: what did you do? did you have a regular job? >> i did everything possible. i dj'd. i sold used cars. and then later when uber came around, this is the best job for comedians. i drove uber. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: how long did you do that? >> a few months. >> jimmy: can you tell if people tipped at the end? >> when i first started, there is no tipping.
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that wasn't even a thing. >> jimmy: they'd have to hand you a tip in cash. >> which nobody did. >> jimmy: which nobody did. which i still always do because i want them to know it came from me. i don't want it to be a surprise at the end of the evening. >> see, i do the reverse. sorry, i don't have any cash on me, but i'll hit you up on the app, though, and i never do. >> jimmy: oh. >> so i just drive on. >> jimmy: that's uber karma. was that the weirdest job you had? >> oh, i have a lot of odd jobs. briefly i dj'd in a strip club. and i also briefly wrote for the harlem globetrotters. >> jimmy: what? >> by briefly, i meant literally a day, two hours. >> jimmy: what did you write for them? >> so the globetrotters, they do have a script, believe it or not, and they're taking that script and the whole show to china. so i think they just googled chinese american comedian or something. and i was probably the only one that showed up that would accept the job. and i did it.
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they met me at a hilton hotel by l.a.x. >> jimmy: all of them? >> no, no, no. just the white guys. >> jimmy: okay. >> you know. met me at the hilton out there, and they wanted to ask me questions to see if the script would translate in china, to see if it's offensive, any part of it. the only note i gave them is in the script, hello kitty was in it. well, don't put hello kitty in chinese, because that's japanese. i don't know if you knew that. hello kitty is not chinese. that's the only advice i gave them. >> jimmy: how did they work hello kitty into the basketball script? >> i have no idea. but they paid me $200. and i think it was $200 well spent. >> jimmy: $200 just to check it out. they didn't ask you to write them any kind of bits or anything? >> no, no, no, i don't think so. >> jimmy: so they relied on a comedian where you could have steered them, by the way, in a terrible direction if you wanted
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to. >> yeah. i could have told them hello kitty was korean. that would have caused a whole international. >> jimmy: that could have caused a problem. you could have brought the whole harlem globetrotter empire down in one little prank. >> i know, i know. >> jimmy: foo now you are -- you've taken the writing skills you honed with the globetrotters, and you're note only one of the stars of "space force," you are writing on the show as well. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you wrote one episode do you write every week? >> the writer's room was 24 weeks. it was such a blessing. because of the pandemic, i couldn't go out and shoot movies. so we're on zoom every day with steve carell, and writing ever day, learning from the legend. so that was really cool. >> jimmy: you guys sit there and hash it all out on zoom? >> yeah. >> jimmy: then you have to get up and pitch your idea for an episode to everyone in the group? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and they give you suggestions. and you say you get to decide they stay in or they stay or
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they go? >> i don't get to decide anything. >> jimmy: yeah you don't get to decide anything. the producers get to decide. >> but i was lucky enough, they let me write an episode which was about the chinese delegation coming to america to "space force." >> jimmy: i see. >> of course only i could write. >> jimmy: because you are so rooted in the culture. >> that's why i pitched that episode. so other people can't write it. it has to be me. >> jimmy: you're no dummy, that's for sure. and your dad is on the show. >> yes, he is. >> jimmy: that's the episode your dad is on. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: is your dad an actor? >> he started acting after i did. because he saw me together pretty well in "silicon valley, and oh, it's so easy, you can do it, i can do it. it's no problem. >> jimmy: so he started going to auditions. >> and he started crushing. >> jimmy: and did you suggest him for the role on the show? >> no, no. season one, it was before i even wrote this episode. so season one that was an episode where john malkovich's
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character talks to a chinese counterpart, a chinese scientist. and inadvertently just talking to john, i was hey, you know, my dad is an actor. it's a funny story, just like how i told you. and after the table, i don't know, there is not that many older asian guys out there. it's always the same couple of guys. and i wasn't going to say nothing. but john malkovich was have you thought about jimmy's dad? and i was john, i didn't tell you if he was a good actor or a bad actor. he is just an actor. so i got so nervous. but then i was good. i think he can do it if i just train him, you know. and i went home and i cut together a sizzle reel for my dad, like all the commercials he has done, chinese shows that he has done and sent it to greg daniels, and they said yes. >> jimmy: unbelievable. and now you brought -- that's not the only video you made. you made a video of your dad at work. >> oh. >> jimmy: tell us basically what we're going to see here before we see it so we understand. >> i was so nervous for my dad.
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his scenes were with john malkovich, two-time oscar nominee. >> jimmy: one of the greats. >> john malkovich and random old chinese guy. dad, you got to know your lines, man. come on. i was like a tiger parent. i was a tiger son training him. and then he was no, no, i'm prepared. i got this. and he showed up on set. and me and john malkovich is honing our lines. even john, a veteran actor. steve in the corner working his lines, i'm working. and the camera pans over, and my dad is just asleep on the cast chair. got a whole notebook. we're very professional. and slowly pan over. >> jimmy: and there's your dad. >> that's my dad. >> jimmy: well, you know, it's that kind of casual approach. >> yeah. >> jimmy: perhaps that launched his career. >> i think so. he has no fear. everyone else would be so nervous. he just went in and crushed it. and we wrote him in more in season 2. >> jimmy: unbelievable. the whole family is involved.
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it's great to have you here. the show is "space force." season two is on netflix now. jimmy o. yang, everybody. we'll be back with avril lavigne. ♪ >> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. move over kfc. it's kfc tenders! and the same creamy mac n' cheese, crispy fries, buttery biscuits, and delicious sauces! the kfc 8pc tenders meal. get free delivery on the kfc app. it's finger lickin' good!
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>> announcer: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to courteney cox and jimmy o. yang. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. tomorrow night, sandra oh, russell wilson and ciara, with music from mitski. "nightline" is next, but first, her album is called "love sux" with help from blackbear and travis barker on the song "love it when you hate me." avril lavigne! [ cheering and applause ] ♪ i'm a lush and i'm drunk again off another crush don't rush just take your time ♪ ♪ don't feel too much and how 'bout you just take some blame ♪ ♪ i always take all the pain you should just forget my name ♪ ♪ and i ignore all the
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warning signs all the warning signs ♪ ♪ fall for you every time don't call me baby baby ♪ ♪ i love it when you hate me i know it's crazy crazy ♪ ♪ i love it when you hate me the highs the lows the yes the no's ♪ ♪ the no's you're so hot when you get cold don't call me ♪ baby ♪ i love it when you hate me ♪ ♪ yeah i love it when you hate me wish you could erase me i been so ♪ ♪ depressed i don't think anyone could save me look at what you did ♪ ♪ girl look at how you changed me funny how you twistin' up the truth and ♪ ♪ then you blame me runnin' out of -- that i could give to you ♪ ♪ but you could still be pretty on the inside too your heart's so cold but i love ♪ ♪ the way you lie shoulda seen the red flags but for you i'm -- blind and i ♪ ♪ i ignore all the warning signs all the warning signs ♪ ♪ fall for you every time
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don't call me baby baby ♪ ♪ i love it when you hate me i know it's crazy crazy ♪ ♪ i love it when you hate me the highs the lows the yes the no's ♪ ♪ the no's you're so hot when you get cold don't call me baby ♪ ♪ baby i love it when you hate me love it when you hate me ♪ ♪ love it when you hate me love it when you hate me love it when you hate me ♪ ♪ and i i ignore all the warning signs ♪ ♪ all the warning signs fall for you every time don't call me baby ♪ ♪ i love it when you hate me i know it's crazy crazy i love it when you hate me ♪ ♪ the highs the lows the yes the no's the no's you're so hot when you get ♪ ♪ cold don't call me baby baby i love it when you hate me ♪
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[ cheering and applause ] tonight, still standing. videos online showing ukraine's people staring down one of the most powerful armies on earth. >> we're here to stay. putin's here to fail. >> their grit and determination. >> he's going to war, i'm going too. >> plus life under siege. >> the loudest explosion i have ever heard. >> families facing the unthinkable as their strength resonates around the world. >> this is in fact the quintessential david and goliath story. >> but how long can they hold on? and what is putin's neck move? this special edition of "nightline," "crisis in ukraine" will be right back.

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