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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  November 10, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am PST

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all of it! >> choke it down, now available everywhere. >> (bleep) over here. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes sting! thandie newton! featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and ala >> stephen: hey!
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thank you so much! thank you down here, up there! nice to see you! nice to be seen. thank you! audience chanting stephen ). >> stephen: that's nice. thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: welcome to "the late show," everybody. thank you so much. welcome to the "late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) hey, so this is all still happening. donald trump is really going to be the next president. ( audience booing ) >> stephen: yeah, you have been reading my journal. for a while, i was poking myself with a straight pin to try and wake up from this, but now i keep doing it to feel something. it's so real that trump is now
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intelligence briefing known as "the book," making it the only book he owns that doesn't have his picture on it. ( laughter ) and today, the transfer of power began when president obama hosted trump at the white house for the most surprising remake of "guess who's coming to dinner." ( laughter ) didn't see that one. i didn't see that one coming. coming, either. ( laughter ) can you imagine how awkward that meeting was? put yourself in that private room when they were together. can you imagine? awkward! ( laughter ) the first african american president sitting down with a president-elect who was endorsed by the klan? a guy who spent five years , created his political career,
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it. what did they talk about? what was the tour like? ( as obama ) "all right, donald, this is the blue room, this is the red room, and down the hall is the office i said you were fundamentally unfit for. library's downstairs." ( laughter ) now, getting trump up to speed for the new job might be a challenge because he will be the first u.s. president to have never held elected office or served in the military. privileged that the first job he ever had to apply for was president. ( laughter ) have you watched obama? have you heard him yesterday and seen him today? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: you've got to give it up for the guy. he's amazing. he's being so good! ( cheers and applause ) it's the most amazing thing he's ever done.
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even made a special multimedia presentation just for trump on the relationship between the executive branch and the legislative. ? i'm just a bill. ? yes, i'm only a bill. ? and i'm sitting here on capitol hill. >> stephen: ? ? oh, it's a long, long way -- they let him take it home. he's going to need some repeat viewings. they also taught him what a conjunction was. ( laughter ) ? interjection!? i've got to breathe every so often or i'll pass out. ( laughter ) of course, trump wasn't alone. melania was there for a private meeting with michelle obama, to ensure the peaceful transition of speeches. ( applause ) america is the envy of the world in that regard.
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headliners. those are the people you foe about, the candidates, the incoming president. but to be honest, my heart goes out to everyone at the white house. i can't imagine how hard that is-- and i don't have to because there's this picture of the white house staff as obama congratulated trump yesterday. a picture is worth a thousand words, none of which i'm allowed to say on cbs. ( cheers and applause ) after the meeting, trump and obama spoke from the oval office where trump was seated with a bust of m.l.k. looming over his shoulder. okay, obama put that there.
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they had a bust of churchill. when obama came in, he replaced it with a bust of martin luther king. when trump comes in, he'll replace it with a picture of the burger king. ( laughter ) president-elect trump thought the meeting went very well. >> well, thank you very much, president obama. this was a meeting that was going to last for maybe ten or 15 minutes, and we were just going to get to know each other. the meeting lasted for almost an hour and a half. >> stephen: that's right. it was supposed to be just ten minutes, but trump demanded the "long form." ( laughter ) oh, okay. after the meeting, press secretary josh earnest went into more detail. >> i think the president came
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( applause ) >> stephen: i've got to say, his answer does not give me... renewed confidence. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but we did get some reassurance from r.n.c. chair and trump pocket elf, reince priebus. priebus told reporters, "donald trump is taking this very seriously." well, the fact that reince priebus found it necessary to say that out loud gives me... renewed confidence. ( laughter ) ( applause ) just like i'd have if i was on a plane and, right before takeoff, the pilot hopped on the intercom and said, "ah, this is your
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i promise you guys i'm going to take flying this plane very seriously." ( laughter ) ( applause ) and there's proof trump's taking it seriously because he has already has a new transition web site with the name: he's got a that's one of the most disturbing thing i've ever seen on t ( laughter ) and "" shows just how seriously trump is taking his new gig, starting with a page that says "help wanted," which is how a lot of people feel right now. ( laughter ) and if you're looking to work, they are ready to hire. the site says they need "4,000 presidential appointees, including positions with and without senate confirmations." they also put out this flyer: "government wanted: no experience needed.
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( laughter ) and, just tear that off -- and the site also shows how serious trump is about fulfilling the central campaign promise of his hat because there's a form you can fill out to answer the question, "how do you want to make america great?" oh, oh, oh, ah -- maybe elect someone who already knows how to ( cheers and applause ) is that -- >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: now -- now, when it comes to filling cabinet positions, trump has cast a wide net, starting with donald trump, jr. hey, don, sr.? if you're trying to tone down the whole "dictator" thing, maybe don't give a cabinet position to your son, kim jong trump. it's a little on the nose.
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attorney general is rudy giuliani. ( audience reacts ) excuse me. i have something i need to do here. excuse me one second. attention, black people. attention, black people. starting january 20, please build an extra 30 minutes into your daily schedule for the nationwide stop-and-frisk. ( laughter ) i don't know how to translate vomiting over a microphone. ( laughter ) ( applause ) guys, it's probably not going to happen because this is just a prop. it's not connected to anything. ( laughter ) and for secretary of state, trump is considering former speaker of the house and angry sack of ricotta cheese, newt gingrich. ( laughter ) ( audience reacts ) that's not bad. i could support sending gingrich
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and for secretary of agriculture, trump is considering texas' sid miller, who caused a firestorm just days ago after his campaign's official twitter account referred to hillary clinton as a "c word." ( audience reacts ) that kind of language has no place in our political discourse... is something i would have said 48 hours ago. ( applause ) for education secretary, insiders are speculating that among those who may be on the short list is creais surgeon dr. ben carson. ( audience booing ) so get ready for the new history textbooks, "( bleep ) i made up about egypt." ( applause ) ( piano riff ) but hey, don't worry, ladies. you'll be represented in trump's
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interior secretary is sarah palin. ( audience reacts ) ( as palin ) "yep, how's that hopey changey stuff goin'? drill, baby, drill. forget about yosemite park, yosemite sam now uncle sam. sam i am. don't go bugging, tree hugging bloggers because i'm calling the loggers. we're frackin' old faithful, you're going be grateful, executions in the sports stadiums. arrest your enemies. tie a typewriter around his neck, what the heck, shoot him, he's getting away. tag, trig, trip, trap, knick knack, paddywhack, tick tock out of wedlock, give your dog a machine." ( cheers and applause ) god, she's exhausting! ( laughter ) and i'm being told the grand canyon has committed suicide. it jumped into itself. ( laughter ) that's right.
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of corruption means bringing back giuliani, gingrich, christie, and palin. makes sense. they're exactly what i'd expect to find at the bottom of a drained swamp. ( applause ) now, if you're one of the small minority of the majority of voters who didn't vote for trump, just remember -- all through the campaign, he assured us that he was going to surround himself with the best and the brightest. >> i'm going to get e i would use the greatest minds. we are going to have the smartest, the best negotiators in the world, and i know most of them and, believe me, i know people you have never heard of who are better than the ones that you did hear of. >> stephen: oh, good, because the ones i did hear of are a pile of garbage. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) and we're not done! then there's trump's white house staff. i know i am super excited to
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omarosa. she was the trump campaign's director of african american outreach. oh, newsflash -- the trump campaign was doing african american outreach. hiring omarosa was it. well, on election night, we got a glimpse of the future when, after hearing that former republican candidate lindsay graham didn't vote for trump, omarosa told a reporter, "it's so great our enemies are making themselves clear so that, when we get in to the white house, we know where we stand. exercising their right to and the freedom to choose who they want. but let me just tell you, mr. trump has a long memory, and we're keeping a list." ( audience reacts ) enemies list. wow. they went from zero to nixon in no time flat. ( applause ) now, that's worth noting because some people in late night have said one or two things that were critical of donald trump.
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surely if omarosa did more of a sit-down interview, she wouldn't paint the trump administration as some vindictive predator savoring their chance to use the office of the president for payback. >> every critic, every detractor will have to bow down to president trump. it's everyone who's ever doubted donald, who ever disagreed, who ever challenged him. it is the ultimate revenge to become the most powerful man in >> stephen: it was sam bee and seth myers! they're the ones who said all those horrible things about you. i was just joking. all hail our glorious leader! giant hands! you've got giant hands! you're going to be great! ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) ( audience chanting stephen ) sit down, sit down, sit down! we've got a great show for you tonight! sting is here! sting! thandie newton! don't go away! ( cheers and applause ) during the ford year end event, discover why ford is america's best-selling brand. ?i'm on top of the world, hey!?
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? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back! thank you, eddie! happy birthday, jon! >> jon: thank you! >> stephen: hope you have a very, very happy and blessed one. the gift is that you're here my first guest tonight is a 16-time grammy award winner. he's releasing a new album tomorrow called "57th & 9th." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the great sting! ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: welcome to the show. >> what a lovely welcome. >> stephen: yeah. welcome to the show. nice to see you. i haven't seen you in a few years. >> that's true. >> stephen: as a matter of fact, the last time i saw you, i think, was at your 60t 60th birthday concert, the beacon? >> the beacon theater five years ago. >> stephen: yeah, five years ago. you're 65 years old. ( cheers and applause ) >> yeah. >> stephen: i'm proud. as a man who's 52, you go to hell. ( laughter ) i was with my wife on the drive home and you're wearing something like this the whole time, a mesh kind of shirt, you're driving home and my wife super casually as if she just thought of it, she goes, have you -- have you ever thought
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( laughter ) so thanks for that. the election just happened. you're british. do you feel all smug? >> no, we had a similar shock in june when 52% voted brexit. i voted to stay. >> stephen: all you're going to do is destroy the european union. >> true, but we're right in the middle of a constitutional crisis no one is smart enough to figure out. >> stephen: what is it? because the warlords decided ia terms of leaving and the people who wanted to leave didn't want the do that, they wanted to bypass parliament. >> stephen: so it's not written, if you want to get out, put slot a in tab b and you're out of the european union? >> no, it's far more complicated than saying yes or no. it's a diabolical problem. >> stephen: wow. you have to get all that figured out ahead of time. probably a good idea for us over here, too. ( laughter )
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>> no, i live in new york. i live here. i love new york. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: what do you love about here? london is a great town. what do you love about here? >> i love new yorkers ( cheers and applause ) they're very up front. i walk on the street a lot. they see you, say hi, sting, i like your music, you suck, whatever, but it's a very direct, comfortable relationship ( laughter ) >> stephen: your new album is called "57th & 9th," right there, and there you are at the corner of 57th and 9th. why did you call the album that? >> i live on the west side, my studio's in "hell's kitchen." i walk to worth every day and on the way i have to stop at 57t 57th, because it's a two-way street, traffic is busy, cab driver is trying to kill you, as you know, and i use that time to
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corner, think about the work i'm doing in the studio, my life, the privilege i have living in the city. cross the road, go to work, and on the way back have the same meditation, so i thought it was a very useful point in the day to take stock. >> stephen: you know what i love about new york? you can walk around the city and you've got a pretty good chance of going, hey, don't stare, but that's sting meditating over there on the corner. ( applause ) that's what i like about new york. you can see all kinds of things here. this album, people are calling this, like, a return to rock for you, like your first rock album in ten years. >> yes, it is. i play rock and roll every night of my working life but in the past ten years i have been making more esoteric records. >> stephen: herdie-gerdie. i'm a madrigal fan. >> me, too. but i was following my curiosity
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i like people to go, wow! i didn't expect that! and that's the reaction the album has received so i feel it's already a success. >> stephen: people say, are you ever intimidated by celebrities or politicians? i'm intimidated by musicians because you do something that's magical that i don't understand. to quote you, song writing is animal. you cannot kill the beast. you have to somehow trick him into being captured, and you can never use the same trick twice. what are some of the tricks? what is the magic you use? >> i would get home from the studio at night with a song structure, only a song structure, and on the walk home, i will be thinking how am i going to make this into a song? so i get home to my home on center park west and lock myself out on the terrace in the
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allowed to go in the house until i had finished a lyric. it's madness, but -- >> stephen: yeah, true. you put yourself out of a comfort zone so that you can create. you have to write yourself out of the problem, and the song you will hear tonight is exactly that song, it's about freezing cold, about hunting for -- hunting for inspiration in the cold. you will hear it. >> stephen: if you locked yourself in the closet, would the song be about it's hot and cramped is this. haven't written that one yet ( laughter ) >> stephen: we'll take a break. back with more sting. stick around, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) ? my belly pain and constipation? they keep telling me "drink more water." "exercise more." i know that. "try laxatives..." i know. believe me. it's like i've. tried. everything! my chronic constipation keeps coming back.
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>> now that donald trump is the president elect, he's going to
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? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody!
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now, your music makes people feel good. is there a song you wouldn't necessarily recommend to our audience, people out there who might feel bad about what's about to come or the ending of the obama administration or anything like that? >> i've got a song called "fragile" which is how i'm feeling. ( applause ) >> stephen: how about "can't >> yeah. >> stephen: so not only do you live in new york, but you have a regular new yorker's life. as you said, you walk around, people see you, you don't avoid them. you told us what part of the city you live in, i don't remember that. but i also understand you go to spin class. >> i do. >> stephen: some of the people who work here see you in your spin class. first question obviously for spin class, can i ask you a
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>> sure. >> stephen: do you sit in the front or the back of the room. >> in the front. >> stephen: because you're ready to show off the goods, right? >> yep. >> stephen: that's what it is. especially when you're going uphill, you know. >> why not? >> stephen: do they play the police or your music? >> they never play mine. >> stephen: message in a bottle would be great. >> they deliberately don't. they ask me. i say, please don't do that, otherwise i will have to lip sync and spin at the same time. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: no, you're not! i mean, 65-year-old man, you're in great shape. what are you wearing? the shorts, the long things? >> tights. >> stephen: tights? yeah. >> stephen: do you ever wear your outfit from -- >> that's exactly what i'm wearing. >> stephen: just that right there. >> you can't put anything over those pants. >> stephen: doesn't look like
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those pants, i'll tell you that. so you would have to sing along with your music if it came along? what do you listen to, to relax? >> i listen to classical music. >> stephen: okay. i like bach. >> stephen: okay. do you always approach music professionally? when you hear it, do you always think to yourself, bach's good but i would have thrown a couple more violas in there. >> music is not a relaxing thing i will analyze whatever music i'm listening to, even if i don't like it in the elevator or the restaurant. i can't have a conversation when music is playing because most of my brain is analyzing it. most of those guys will tell you the same thing. >> stephen: will you tell me the same thing? >> jon: yes, yes. >> stephen: i will ask when you're not here. they're just being nice to you. how on earth do you go christmas shopping? >> i don't. i pay for it, but i don't
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>> stephen: is there any -- i mean, 16 grammys? >> give or take. >> stephen: i've got two, you know. >> really? >> stephen: yeah. well, off long way to go, haven't you? ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, i'm 13 years younger, so -- >> okay! i'll be watching you! >> stephen: is there any accomplishment you're most proud of? >> well, my kids. i have six wonderful children ( applause ) you know the best compliment i see is when somebody comes up to me in the street, it could be in new york, and they said, i fell in love with my girlfriend or got married or buried uncle charlie to one of your songs, and you realize by accident you've created the sonde track of people's lives, their
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memory with your songs, and that's a wonderfully nourishing thing to hear. i began to be a singer and song writer to be a star. >> stephen: and the girls. yeah, but the real ling is giving people an emotional musical landscape they can use and i love that. it's the best compliment i get. >> stephen: well, "57th & 9th" is available tomorrow. the man is sting, we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: he's gonna play a song!
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? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody!
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"crash" and "the pursuit of happyness." she now stars in "westworld." please welcome the lovely thandie newton. ? ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you! >> stephen: that's an absolutely beautiful dress you've got on there. >> stephen: now, i'm watching the "westworld" on the hbo. >> on the hbo. >> stephen: but i'm two episodes behind, so, please, no spoilers. i haven't even got on the orgy yet. >> i wasn't in the orgy. >> stephen: oh, i'm not sure how that's supposed to go. i'm saving the last two episodes
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bourbon. ( laughter ) now, like sting, you're british. >> yeah. >> stephen: have you talked to your friends back home at all about what's going on over here? >> well, people just don't have words, you know. >> stephen: like our president-elect. >> shock. shock. numb. >> stephen: what do they say. well, because we went through brexit and we'reng brexit there is a strange unity between our two countries now. >> stephen: what do you think the thread is? anger, right? over change, maybe? >> change is terrifying for people. >> stephen: yeah. and i think it's about not knowing one another. you know, we're divided, and britain is divided and, clearly, america is divided, too. and i just don't think we really, really understood how
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need to find ways to bridge the gap. and it's funny, actually, because, for me, that's what i have been doing my whole life, and it's caused me -- when i was a child, it caused me pain, it caused me to feel ashamed. >> stephen: in what way? because not one thing and i wasn't another thing. and i grew up in an area where there were no people of color, and i internalized people's fear, and i internalized thought very little of myself as a result. you know, as i grew up and came to understand that, actually, that's not my feeling about myself, and if those people knew me better, they would understand, and i -- you know, because i'm not stupid, i came to also understand that it was fear, and that we should be compassionate towards people who are afraid. we should reassure them. we should find ways to communicate with them better,
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to do, and it's not a quick fix. it won't happen overnight. we've got to reach out and we've got to stop being ignited by the hate rhetoric, because it's not just -- both sides have been using that rhetoric, and i think we have to stop doing that, you know. and i just feel compassion. i see those, you know, large numbers of people at rallies and saying awful things, and just hateful things, and i just feel de lost. as soon as you treat another human badly you are self-destructing because we are all in this together. ( applause ) >> stephen: being nice to each other would be a good start. the other night, i said on the show -- >> you were wonderful the other night! >> stephen: oh, you're very nice. ( applause ) we make our jokes on the show
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i do for a living, how i get through this and hopefully people may enjoy what we do, but there is a level of political discourse where we are drinking poison against each other. nelson mandela said holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping it hurts the other guy. ( applause ) >> that comes fa someone who's really clever and really has breadth and, unfortunately, there is a lot of suspicion of people who are clever. >> stephen: really? you seem very clever to me. you're very clever in the series the "westworld." >> the "westworld." let's all go to "westworld"! >> stephen: i love the series.
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it's a huge amount of money to go and i feel it should be available to everybody, so until it's available to everybody at a decent price, i'm not going to go! >> stephen: we have a clip of your character maye, a host or android? >> i'm a host. >> stephen: she is a host at "westworld" and she has become aware of her reality because the hosts don't t androids, but your character is waking up to that reality and judging the humans who are the technicians that fix her. we have a little clip right here. >> at first, i thought you and the others were gods. then i realized, you're just men. and i know men.
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i've done it a million times. i'm great at it. how many times have you died? >> whoo! ( cheers and applause ) i haven't seen that before. >> stephen: you haven't seen that before? >> i haven't seen that episode. >> stephen: you should watch the series, it's very good. westworld" airs sundays on h ( cheers and applause ) ? rewards program's for every 10 nights you stay, you get one free. which is great for families. finally! whatever captain obvious. great for families. mom! and for sore losers! discover card. i'm not a customer, but i'm calling about that credit scorecard. ve it. sure! it's free for everyone. oh! well that's nice! and checking your score won't hurt your credit. oh! i'm so proud of you.
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up to 38% more than cold medicine alone. shut your mouth and say goodnight mouthbreathers. breathe right. small business saturday is more than just a day. it's our day. to shop small at the places we love. with the people we love. on november 26th, get up, (all) get together and shop small. ? fact. people spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. gentle, non-habit forming advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. yea. look at us! we're twinsies! i know who you guys are rooting for. old navy! we're all wearing old navy. but they're not a team. oh really?
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okay. enjoy the game. what game? okay. hey come quick... my new beer, stella artois, is finished. the people will love it. originally brewed for the holidays. enjoyed ever since.
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>> stephen: and now, performing "i can't stop thinking about you" from his new album, "5 gentlemen, sting! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ? white page ? white page an empty field of snow ? my room is 25 below
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buried posts ? dogs search the under forest we scour the empty streets ? the fact remains until we find you our lives are incomplete ? do i hear laughter through a veil of snow and ice? ? where could you be on such a lonely winter's night? ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop wanting you this way ? i can't face living without you ? that's why i'm searching night and day ? this heart's a lonely hunter these hands are frozen fists ? i can't stop thinking about you
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? do i hear laughter from behind this veil of midnight? ? what are you hiding in the frozen heart of winter? ? somewhere a church bell tolls i know you're close ? your scent still warm and then the trail turns cold, cold, cold ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop wanting you this way ? i can't face living without you ? that's why i'm searching night and day ? this heart's a lonely hunter these hands are frozen fists ? i can't stop thinking about you i don't care if you exist ? do i hear laughter in the silence of the snow?
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frozen heart of winter ? a midnight church bell tolls i know you're close ? your scent still warm then the trail turns cold, cold, cold ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop wanting you this way ? i can't face living without you ? that's why i'm searching night and day ? this heart's a lonely hunter these hands are frozen fists ? i can't stop thinking about you i don't care if you exist ? i can't stop thinking about you ? i can't stop wanting you this way ? i can't face living without you ? i can't stop
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: sting, everybody!
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>> stephen: well, that's it for the "late show," everybody! tune in tomorrow for a special presentation of our election
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corden and his guests, chris tucker and hailee steinfeld. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh ? are you ready to have some fun ? feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ? where you come from it's gonna be all right ? it's the late, late show >> ladies and gentlemen, all the


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