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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  February 23, 2016 10:35pm-11:37pm CST

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have a great night. we w w w >> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: thank you so much, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to can the to "the late show,"" everybody. thank you, that's lovely. thank you so much for joining us. a little out of whack there. thank you so much. welcome to "the late show."
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welcome to "the late show,"" everybody. i'm stephen colbert. the 2016 election is shaping up to be a real circus. but you know what else is a the circus. and the big news out of the big top is, starting may 1, ringling brothers circus will no longer include elephants. listen, i'll miss them, but i'm all for this. i don't think these majestic creatures should be forced to walk around in a confined space for our amusement. ( cheers and applause ) i prefer the zoo. that's right, that's right! that's right! i prefer the zoo, where they're forced to walk around in a confined space for our education. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, getting rid of elephants ends a tradition that goes back a 150 years. here's chapped. there were a lot of surplus elephants after the civil war. general lee, of course, famously used them to cross the smoky mountains and surprised mcclellan at the
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check your history books, and then write in what i just said. they are not just going to cut them free in the streets of manhattan. the elephants will be sent to a sanctuary in florida where they'll be free to roam in the and, like all florida retirees, remain gray and wrinkled. ( laughter ) i, for one, am happy to see these beautiful creatures get a brighter future. but why retire to florida when you could live out your golden years here at the ed sullivan theater in "the late show" elephant retirement home? hi, there! hey, there! ( cheers and applause ) hey, gladys. hi! oh, you're going to love it here, gladys. do you like this? does this feel good? no, it doesn't feel good. now, gladitz, i know that you're afraid of mice. but don't worry. there are no mice anywhere in the studio because they've been eaten by the aggressive rats. ( laughter ) shhh! shhh! shhh! you want some peanuts?
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there, here you go, have some peanuts? do you want some? how about that? feel good? do you like that? do you like that? are you doing okay, over there? you doing all right? >> yeah, yeah. i'm good. i'm good. >> stephen: want some peanuts? you want some peanuts. >> no! >> stephen: i'm sorry, are you allergic. >> no, i'm not allergic. >> stephen: not allergic to peanuts. >> elephants don't even like them. did you know that? >> stephen: i did not. this is meredith, everybody. say hi. are you serious? >> yeah. >> stephen: they don't like peanuts? how do you know this? >> i read it on the internet. >> stephen: you read it on the internet. >> di, i did. >> stephen: today? >> today, for research. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you were doing background-- you were getting a back story for the elephants. >> di, i did. >> stephen: that's how dedicated you were? >> this is a northeastern pachyderm. ( laughter ). >> stephen: uh-huh. >> not real. >> stephen: no.
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( laughter ) well, i think we should probably get going, meredith. thanks so much for being here. >> yeah. >> stephen: miss meredith, everybody. say good-bye. would you mind-- would you mind-- >> stephen: and whether or not you're an elephant, you will never forget tonight's show. my first guest is the star of "the mysteries of laura," debra messing. then i'll sit down with star of stage and screen, zachary quinto, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) then we'll have a performance by none other than the legendary violent femmes. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) that right there is jon batiste and stay human.
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( cheers and applause ) they're about to get in it to win it. before they do, one more thing: a new book reveals that adolf hitler had a micro-penis. wow. if he knew people found out, he'd be rolling over in his grave, which would be easy considering that tiny penis. ( laughter ) >> tonight, stephen welcomes debra messing. zachary quinto. >> and a musical performance by violent femmes. featuring jon batiste and stay
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show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody! look, i love this show, but i i come out here night after night, and i do comedy, and there are some night when i am just a little bit shaken by what i've seen in the news, and i can't pretend right now i am not totally rattled by something i saw today. starbucks is change their rewards program. ( booing ). >> stephen: thank you. starting in april, you no longer get one point, or star, per
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stars for every dollar spent. sounds fair, right? well, wake up! because they're also changing how many stars it takes to attain gold status. currently, it's 30 stars, which works out to 30 visits, and you can get a free item at 12 stars. but now you're going to need 300 stars for gold and a free item over 125 stars. and i believe-- i believe this is the revolution that bernie sanders is talking about. ( cheers and applause ) okay? we need to fight back! the supreme court is the only one who can reverse this decision. this is why it's so important to vote. this-- this-- is the road to the white house! ( applause ) >> when was the last time you saw a chevrolet in tokyo? >> stephen: tonight, they're
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caucus in nevada. and right now, the smart money is on money because donald trump leads in the latest nevada polls by 16%. he's drawing huge crowds there! he's like a one-man cirque du soleil in that i can't figure out why either one is popular. are they an acrobatic lizard team or a family of sentient flowers? someone tell me what's going on! so it's getting more and more plausible that donald trump could be president. ( booing ) well timed. ( laughter ) you need to get used to the idea because think what you will of him, he's got a lot of money he has a imagine that really fires people up, and presidential. case in point: this weekend he stared down an authoritarian world leader-- the pope. as you may have heard last week around the holy water cooler,
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holiness said, "a person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not of building bridges is not christian. this man is not christian if he has said things like that." also, doesn't help if it looks like he's got a golden calf on his head. trump proved him wrong by responding in the most christian way: a thinly veiled threat. >> if and when the vatican is attacked by isis-- which, as everyone knows, is isis' ultimate trophy-- i can promise you that the pope would have only wished and prayed that donald trump would have been president. >> stephen: yes, he would beg for trump's protection. it wouldn't be the first time the pope has been guarded by a clown. ( cheers and applause ) again-- again--
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soleil. i'm not sure. well huge news, because on the pope-- who, may i remind you, is the infallible representative of god on earth-- said -- and i'm translating from the latin-- "my bad." because a vatican spokesperson clarified the pope wasn't attacking trump. that's right. trump went toe to toe with the vicar of christ, and the pope blinked. it took galileo 400 years to get an apology. trump got one in 24 hours. i say that proves trump's theory that he is the center of the universe. and if you beat the pope, just paint him into the sistine chapel. ( cheers and applause )
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example and apologize to donald trump. donald, i'm sorry for all the things i've said about you, even the nice things. (sighs) you know, that felt good. in fact, there are some other things i'd like to get off my chest. you see, while i am a commited catholic, as the host of my own tv show, i rarely have time for my favorite catholic traditions, like going t tmass, or praying a novena, or explaining saints to my non-catholic friends. ( laughter ) they're kind of like god's x-men. st. anthony's mutant power is finding your lost keys. here's the thing. the tradition i miss most is confession. it's like a colon cleanse for it's like a colon cleanse for your soul, a chance to be free of things you might regret, like comparing your soul to a colon. so, i was wondering if i could examine my conscience with you, the audience.
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>> audience: of course not! >> stephen: great. thth is "stephen colbert's midnight confessions." ( laughter ) now, for the record, i'm not sure these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. okay, i'll be right back. forgive me, audience. i've been to confession more times on this show than i have in real life. ( laughter ) audience, if you've ever walked slowly in front of me on the sidewalk, i've fantasized about killing you. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) i no longer bother to spread nutella on anything other than mymyongue.
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( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) i didn't eat that much in rehearsal. ( laughter ) i'd like to go on "celebrity jeopardy!" but i'm afraid i would lose to meatloaf. ( laughter ) sometimes, sometimes, audience, sometimes s wonder if god loves me because he actually likes me or because he has to because he is god. i wonder the same thing about tom hanks. i have fantasized about having a horrible disease so people would feel bad for me, but that's also easily cured once i've soaked up enough pity. ( laughter ) i tell people i've read shakespeare's, "taming of the shrew," but actually, i just watched "10 things i hate about
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( cheers and applause ) when i'm at karaoke and someone starts singing "don't stop believin," i stop believin', ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) i steal office supplies from staples. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i don't have any skeletons in my closet. they're buried under the porch. ( laughter ) sometimes, sometimes on my cheat day, i order a whole plate of fries and then have sex with it. ( laughter ) i buy kale and put it in the fridge and never eatt. then i start resenting it and
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( cheers and applause ) i'm a quick drunk. don't stop believin' hold on to that feeeeeelin' ( cheers and applause ) i have jumped a subway turnstile on a dirtbike. ( laughter ) everybody always says your porn name is your first pet and the street you grew up on. so mine should be caesar honeybee. but in reality, mine was guy mandude. ( laughter ) oh, and i did porn. one time, i test drove a car
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dealership's bathroom. ( laughter ) when i go to a jazz club, i just applaud at random intervals to make it seem like i appreciated something nobody else got. ( applause ) yeah, yeah, yeah, that. yeah, that. yeah. whenever it looks like i'm taking notes in a meeting, i'm just drawing king kong fighting tanks. there are a lot of apps on my iphone that i never use, but i'm afraid to get rid of them because i don't know what they do. if i rescued a shelter dog, i would name it "shelter dog," so everyone would know that i rescued it. ( laughter )
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also, if i got two cats, i would name them "cat one" and "cat three," so everyone would feel sorry for me. ( laughter ) this one is shocking to even me, i don't know how to say it, but i think it's possible that donald trump won't be the worst president in history. >> audience: oooh! we've had some bad ones. ( laughter ) forgive me, audience. >> audience: we forgive you! >> stephen: thanks. we'll be right bacacwith debra
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first gueststs an emmy awawd-winning actress who played grace adler on the hit sitcom "will & grace." now she stars in nbc's "the mysteries of laura." >> you my ride?
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over 18 is right. it's cool and all. >> oh, god, where is your ride share gal? >> she went to the little girl's room. there she is. >> oh, no, you didn't! hey, luce. miss me? please welcome debra messing! that's gist the way it is that's just the way it is ( applause )
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( cheers and applause ) you guys are awesome. >> stephen: aren't they lovely? >> they're awesome. >> steteen: you're so elegant. i love your outfit. >> well, you know, this is my first time on your show. it's a big deal for me. >> stephen: thank you very much. thank you for put something effort into it. that's very nice. it's got a classic line and also sort of glamorous and at the same time you look like a greek goddess come down to earth in modern time. >> that's exactly what i was going for. >> stephen: now, the-- that clip we just saw, like, do you do a lot of action. >> i do all of it. i don't have any stand-ins. i don't have any stunt doubles. it's all me. >> stephen: me either. i do all my own stunts. nobody ever asks me to look like i'm doing stunts. have you had to do anything before where you had to look like an action star. >> no. >> stephen: really? >> i'm a klutz. i had a job before this where i had to-- i fell down a lot. >> stephen: yeah, yeah, i remember.
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into the show because i actually did fall down a lot. ( laughter ). >> stephen: i did notice that in-- before they cut to the stunt woman, you weren't running as fast as she was. >> i was not! >> stephen: it was like, wow, she got really fast once she got on the escalator. >> oh, my gosh. you caught that! i'm so busted! >> stephen: well, congratulations on the "the mysteries of laura," season finale is a two-parter, starts this wednesday. >> two parter. starts tomorrow. >> stephen: at 8:00 p.m. >> yes. >> stephen: and again next week. it's a two-parter. >> it's a big deal. there's a lot happening. >> stephen: are we solving all of the mysteries? >> not all mysteries because then the show would be over but big, shocking things happen over the next two episodes. >> stephen: you're a single exphorg laura is a single mother. is there any overlap in your lives? >> oh, 100%! 100%! >> stephen: you solve a lot of murders, do you? >> oh, all the time. i actually am ptty grate great
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"dateline" and "48 hours," and stuff. well, it's always the husband. >> stephen: it's sad. >> and it's always arsenic, right. >> stephen: really? >> yeah, it happens a lot. just -- >> this is a reason to stay single. >> i'll fill you in. i'll fill you in. no, but my-- you know, it's the balancing act. it's trying to be, you know, really great at your job and a really great mother ask a great friend and a great ex, and, you know, you can't be great at all things all the time. so one hour you'll feel like you're really sort of, like, winning. and then the next, next hour you'll feel like i'm'm the biggest loser in the world. and that's how l le iss. and so i-- i relate t t that. because i am a single mom, and i work crazy hours. and -- >> and-- and i met your son backstage. he seems very nice. >> he is. >> stephen: lovely. roman is his name? >> huge fan of yours. he was laughing your whole opening thing.
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i need tonow nothing more than at. but even a good kid like that, it can be tough. like, it can be tough. laura walks in on double homicides, but a preteen trying to make macaroni and cheese by himself can be just as, you know, disturbing when you walk into the kitchen. >> yes, yes. i thank god every night that i survived my day with my child. ( laughter ) glo. >> stephen: do you ever feel-- is there anything that your character, laura, does t tt u wish you could do? i'll tell you one thing she does that i wish. i've seen her-- you flash that badge around. >> yeah! >> stephen: to get past people. >> oh, yeah. >> stephen: like "new york p.d. detective, move out of the way." wouldn't it be nice to have that in new york? >> it would be october awesome. q. then when there is someone infront of ow the sidewalk you flash that. >> move it! laura doesn't slow down. he doesn't wait for an "okay," she's just like, bam. that's what i like about her. she's a rule breaker. >> stephen: speak of rule breaker or things similar between and you your character
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assign to redheads a certain personality. and i-- and, you know, they-- ( laughter ) they do. they do. it's a stereotype. >> what would that be! >> stephen: not holding their tongue would be one of them. you know being very-- >> sassy. >> stephen: do you think that's a fair description of redheads? >> this redhead. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you think i'd make a good redhead? >> no. ( laughter ) >> stephen: not evenn worth a a try? >> no, no, no. q. no?>> no-no. >> stephen: you're very judgmental. ( laughter ) can you hang out? we've got to take a little commercial break. >> yes. >> stephen: but we'll be back
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stick around. honey, do you know where my beige socks are? check the walk-in closet. richard! there are two types of people in the world. those who are content to blend in- these people walk through life like beige socks. then there are those who expect more. they're exciting.. they have pizzazz. eventually, the beige sock people get devoured by the ones who stand out. do you want to be devoured? no! what is that? it's the new kia optima. it's like the world's most exciting pair of socks, but it's a midsize sedan.
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whoa is right. punch it, richard. c'mon, punch it! a bull rider is, a bull rideon a plane... bolder than bold. and if he jumps from that plane... ...that's bolder than bolder than bold! and if he jumps while eating... ...a butterfinger bar... all its crispety-crunchety, ...peanut-buttery glory... ...that's bolder than bolder than bolder than bold! and if he eats it... honey! ...even when his mother tells him not to... you'll spoil your dinner! ...that's... ...bolder than bolder than bolder than bolder than bold! bolder than bold. crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery! butterfinger. hi, i'm captain obvious. when i heard there was a race for president i decided to run. and i'll be running all over america. so follow me on "captainobviousruns" or don't. we live in a democracy.
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we're back with the lovely debra messing. we were talking during the break with being young actors trying to make your way in the world. did your family worry at all about you wanting to be an actress? >> you know, my mom was always behind it. you know, because she was the dreamer. she was like, "if you want it, you can work hard, it will work." you know. i was living in rhode island next to a farm. so i was like, "okay, mom." but my -- >> that's not generally where someone goes to be an actress, rhode island on a farm. >> no. but my dad was the pragmatic one. and he kept trying to get me to consider law school. and i found out that i was accepted into n.y.u. graduate acting program, which was, you know, very hard to get into. >> stephen: very hard program to get into, right. >> so we were celebrating, and my father stood up at the table and said, "i would like to congratulate debra for getting into harvard law school." ( laughter )
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it was awkward at that point. >> stephen: yes, yes. >> and it was like, "dad, i will make you-- i will make you a promise." and i said, fi don't get cast in an acting job by the time i'm 40, i will go to harvard law school." ( laughter ) ( applause ) true story. >> stephen: really? >> yes, he was like, "40!" and i was like, "i'm giving you something. come on!" >> stephen: was he a lawyer? >> no! >> stephen: where did the law thing come from? >> i don't know. >> stephen: did he ever nag at you? how quickly did it happen for you? did you h he any moments where you thought, "i should have done that law thing?" >> no. >> stephen: it did for me. if took a while for me and i'm from a big family of lawyers. >> that pressure would have just crushed my to death. >> stephen: there's a lot of pressure to be an actress, too. actors and actresses are usually unemployed. it's really rolling bones withh yourur life. >> oh, yeah, itt sucks.
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about me to the point where she might not have been a great mom. ( laughter ) some one of us should be worried here and why aren't you worried? >> she was good enough with the other one s. >> stephen: i was the 11th. 10 fingers, 10 toes, you're fine. >> 11? >> stephen: i'm the last of 11, and some of us arre coal-berts, and some are coal-bear, so the joke is this is the law firm of colbert, colbert, colbert, and coal-bare. they saved the pretentious gene for the last one. one thing i want to talk about is you got a lot of notoriety last week. >> good lord. >> stephen: for-- you like to tweet, live tweet award shoho. >> yes. >> sphen: i assume the o os -- >> who doesn't? >> stephen: you tweeted this at the agreements. this was after justin bieber got up to perform, was performing. >> yeah. >> stephen: you tweeted this.
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do you want to--. ( cheers and applause ) do you want to explain in do you want to explain what that means? >> it's the truth. it's the truth. it was news. it was the truth. >> stephen: i understand his father-- >> i was wasn't dissing -- >> his father had tweeted how proud he was of his son's penis. >> exactly. this was not a diss on bieber. >> stephen: this was out of your hands. this was out of yoyo hands. >> exactly. i loveve bieber r >> thiss wasiterally out of your hands. ( laughter ) is there any body part you'd yours. your hair. unless-- unless-- and i'll definitely edit this part out-- unless you have a penis you'd like us to know about. because that would be news. that would beews. >> i've got two. >> stephen: you've got two, congratulations. >> thank you. >> stephen: thank you so much for being here. >> thank you so much. the two-part season finale of "the mysteries of laura" begins
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nbc. the lovely debra msing, everybod we'll be right back. alright, what do you think boys? we could do tacos. we could do some thai. ooo.....ow 'bout sushi, eh?? [weird dog moasqueak] why not? [dog yawning/squeaking] no, we're not, we're not having barbecue... again. [quiet dog groan] why? because you're on four legs, and i'm on two... and i'm driving. that's why. [dog whine]
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aflac. ohh ah ah aflac! aaaaf-lac! ta-daa! he's'sot a very good magician.
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one day?! shh! how does he do it? in just one day, we process, approve and pay.
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a versatile actor who has appeared on television in "heroes" and "girls" and as mr. spock in the "star trek" films. please welcome zachary quinto. ( cheers and applause ) >> hey, man. here. >> thank you so much for investigation me. >> stephen: i am a big fan, i love you said in "heroes." i loved you as spock. i'm really excited to see you playing glen greenwald, edsnowden. every time i see ow screen i think that guy's got a secret. that character has something he's not telling me, something he's not sharing. ( laughter ). >> oftentimes it's that i'm going to murder you. >> stephen: yes!
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about that? people go like, "we wrote something. he's psychotic, he's a murderer, he has no soul. we thought of you! ." >> yeah, i can't really account for that. i don't know -- >> it's the eyebrows. >> the heavy-laden brow. >> stephen: exactly, they're coming at you like a weapon. ( laughter ) really. it's nice. >> coming at you, like a weapon. >> stephen: coming at me. they're coming at me right now. >> yeah, i really don't know what that is. there's an intensity to characters that i've played or -- >> but, also, you bring that to the performance, i think. you bring a secret. >> well, thanks. >> stephen: do you have a secret when yoyo go -- >> right now? >> stephen: well, sure, sure. no, but i mean, like, do you have like sort of a hook, something that y y-- >> secrets can definity be really powerful tools, i think. some characters have secrets written in. but sometimes it's valuable to cultivate your own secrets as an actor, stiemed that you share
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share them with other actors but not certain-- you know what i mean? there are secrets playing into the process a lot. >> stephen: everybody in life, we all really have secrets. real people havav secrets.. >> i guess that's true, of course. they're real interesting to play with in different ways. i have played character whose have them written in, in specific and elemental ways to how those characters are received by the audience. >> stephen: again, your performance of spock is incredible. and i love lenard nimoy, but your performance of spock is just as beautiful to me. it's a different performance. >> thanks. ( cheers andndpplause ) thanan. >> stephen: i understand you got-- you got to know leonard nimoy. >> yeah. >> stephen: and i'm so jealous. you got to become friends with him. what did you learn from him? >> i've never known anybody-- we actually lost leonard a year ago on the 27th of this month. much love to him and his family, of course, always. but i've never somebody of met somebody actuay who so fullyly embodded a sense of fulfillment in tir lives.
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he was such a tremendous artist and philanthropist and generous person and so intelligent. and i miss him all the time. i really miss him so much at this point, obviously, marking the anniversary of his passing. he was one of the greatest gifts that my career has brought into my personal life for sure. his wife was at our opening night in the play last night. i'm doing a play downtown. she came from los angeles and she's as much a part of my life as he is. >> stephen: the name of the play is "smokefall." and it's at the lucille lortel theatre. how long is it return running? >> we get guntil march 20 air, brand new american p py written by a guyalled noah haidle, and directed by anne kauffman, an amazingirector. she told me to tell you she has a crush on you. so i feel obligated to pass that message alone. >> stephen: i like, that that's very nice. i'm married but very flattered, very flattered.
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is how i've heard it described. >> yeah, it's tackling big issusu about family, what we inherit from our parents and how we play things out over generations. it's not simple fare, and it's told through-- very interesting and sort of complicated styles, and there are different-- there's an act that takes place in a vaudeville style. there's an act that takes place in a more traditional thornton wier. i play a narrator. it's a really interesting lalascape and to be parar of a new play, working withh a living playwright is always a real thrill and unique experience so i'm happy to be -- >> i understand, like me, you were an altar boy. railed cath, was an altar boy. do you think there's any relationship-- for me there definitely is-- being on the altar and being on stage. >> yeah. >> stephen: the parallels. >> the pageantryy and ceremony and d tual of what we do. that's what theater is. >> stephen: costumes.
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what kind of vestments did you wear? >> robes. i liked when we had occasion to aware the red ones -- there was the red and black. >> stephen: you wore the red and white cassock and the white surplus on the top. >> you have all the lingo down. >> stephen: did you like being an altar boy? did youike being up on stage? >> i was also-- i read at mass. >> stephen: oh, wow, you were serious. >> i was full on. i went to catholic school until 12th grade with a little respite in between-- respite. i went to public school -- >> but how do you feel about it, zachary? "they let me out for a couple of years." >> i went for three years to middle school and then was pulled back in to high school. i don't practice, you know, catholicism anymore, but i feel grateful that i was raised in a way that taught me real fundamental tenets of good and bad but that also has a tail that came around at a certain point in my life. i found other paths of spirituality. i'm no less spiritual, i'm just
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but i do feel like i enjoyed it, and there was a certain kind of celebratory ritual to it, which was interesting. and i think, yeah-- you feel that way, right? >> stephen: oh, yeah, yeah, like the whole mass is a play. the priest is jesus, we're the disciples, we're all having the last supper together. that's what is whatit is. honest to god, that's what it is. are you playing glen greenwald, the guy who helped ed snowden to get out the story, his leak in the n.s.a., spying on the american citizens. has this changed -- have you done research for this character? are you working on it now? >> no, we shot it a while ago now, actually. but it comes out in september. >> stephen: has it changed ywur view of your own privacy? >> oh, yeah, it actually has. i was always very cavalier about stuff like that, and i just never really gave it much thought. but it is so easy-- just likeke put tape on your lapt camera. do you know what i mean? it is so easy to access our
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we're lting into one another. we are carrying each worrying us everywhere we go now. it's-- it's pretty alarming if you step back and really look at the infiltration of technology in our lives and how far reaching it can be. i'm not a conspiracy theorist. i'm m t a paranoid person. >> stephen: you don't sound like one. do you know your microwave is listening to you! ( laughter ). >> actually, the microwave is where you put your cell phone if you don't want people to listen to it because it blocking the signal which is something they did in the hong kong hotel room where they were holed up. >> stephen: you put it in your microwave, you donon put it o o. >> no, you do not turn itn. do not turn on the microwave. just put it in there, and the microwave absorbs the cell signal, prevents-- i don't know. >> stephen: it's a faraddai box upon. >> i feel we have to be mindful, that's all. i think the more as society
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tenuouou and unchartet territory with technology,y, the more mindful we can bend the more responsible we can be to each other. >> stephen: i know you're supposed to put the tape on your laptop but i'm just flattered anybody would want to see me naik at this point. >> you're being pumpuous that they want to see you naked, they could-- i really do sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist. >> stephen: not at all. not at all. "s"skefall" is off-broadady through march 20. it's at the lucille lortel theatre. zachary quinto, everybody. thank you so much. you'd do that for me? really? yeah i'd like that. who are you talking to? uh, it's jake from state farm. sounds like a really good deal. jake from state farm, at three in the morning? who is this? it's jake from state farm. what are you wearing jake from state farm? uh, khakis.
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well, she's a guy so... another reason more people stay with state farm. get to a better state. now you can create your own tour of italy at olive garden, starting at $12.99. choose 3 of 10 favorites to enjoy on one plate. plus unlimited salad and breadsticks. the best tour of italy is the one you create. at olive garden. degree motionsense is the world's first deodorant activated by movement. as you move, fragrance capsules burst to relelse extra freshness all day. motionnse. protection to keep you moving.
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(grunting) now pull. oh-ho-ho! i didn't mean for that to happen. carterer
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(screaming) crazy weather we're having.
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releasing their first new album in more than 15 years. here performing "memory," ladies and gentlemen, please welcome violent femmes! i don't remember anything you said i don't remember any books that yououver had read i don't remember the sound of your voice i don't remember but it's not by choice oh i wish i could remember
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i wish that i could read every book that you ever had read i wish that i could hear the sound of your voice i don't remember but it's now your choice to come back from that well of the void come back so that i can tell you how i am annoyed by the fact t at: i can't remember your smile or your frown i can't remember the name of your hometown i don't remember the color of your eyes i don't remember so hey i guess it's a little surprisin' thahai want you willllou wonder would you wander back
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you see i see i cannot see but i come so far with a little guitar and i play in bars and i'm lost in star's memory to come back from that well of the void come back so that i can tell you how i am annoyed but i come so far with a little guitar and i play in bars and i'm lost in star's
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memory memory memory ( cheers and applause ) their album, "we can do anything" comes out on march 4.
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peanut-buttery! butterfinger. shoulders don't just carry pads. they carry your fans' passions, hopes, and dreams and maybe, a chance at greatness...
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when i'm walkin i strut my stuff and i'm so strung out i'm high as a kite
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let me go on like a blister in the sun
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big hands i knono >> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be adrien brody, "walking dead" star danai gurira and physicist brian green. now please stick around for
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he's such a nice guy. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media a cess group at wgbh access.wgbh.orgg (cheers and applause) >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the


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