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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  April 27, 2016 12:37am-1:38am PDT

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30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- ricky gervais, from "unbreakable kimmy schmidt," actor tituss burgess, author, tony tulathimutte, featuring the 8g band with will calhoun. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. in that case, let's get to the news, everybody. bernie sanders said today, "that it's absurd for reporters to ask him when he's planning on dropping out of the presidential race."
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said one reporter, "it's a legitimate question!" [ laughter ] although bernie sanders, this morning, declined to name a possible running mate if he were to become the democratic nominee. he said that it would be a great idea to have a woman as vice president. said martin o'malley, "yoo-hoo!" [ laughter ] he's gonna "doubtfire" his way into the white house. [ laughter ] that's right. bernie sanders says it's a great idea to have a woman as vice president. "is it?" said john mccain. [ laughter ] "is it a great idea?" both hillary clinton and donald trump were favored to sweep today's primaries in connecticut, delaware, maryland, pennsylvania, and rhode island. and john kasich is still polling very high in the state of denial. [ laughter ] hillary clinton gave a speech, yesterday, on gun control and said that she's gone hunting before, but said she hasn't really had much chance to do it
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in recent years. and she didn't use a gun. she just gives the deer one of these and it falls over dead. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] dr. ben carson said in a new interview that he thinks harriet tubman would likely be turning over in her grave if she found out her image were being placed on the $20 bill while the country was in debt. though i think she'd more likely say, "a black doctor? [ laughter ] okay. yeah, there's black doctors. you can put me on whatever you want." a new building here in new york is set to open next year and will feature a swimming pool suspended 300 feet in the air between two towers. and you think your swimming pool has a lot of pee in it. [ laughter ] that's the thing we all think, right?
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a woman named, "nazi," yesterday, won the 2016 u.s. chess championship. apparently, she claimed the title after a woman named, "france," just gave up. [ laughter ] your world war ii joke of the day. still fresh. [ laughter ] according to a new study, people with several plants around their homes often live longer. "oh, hell, yeah!" said willie nelson. [ laughter and applause ] "i'm going to live forever." [ applause ] taco bell is reportedly testing out making taco shells from fried chicken, which should finally answer the age-old question, "911, what's your emergency?" [ laughter ] "i ate a shell made out of a chicken." and finally, lego recently announced plans for a new 2000-piece porsche model. sounds like somebody's compensating for a small brick.
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[ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from the new film, available on netflix, "special correspondents," our friend, ricky gervais stops by tonight. can't wait to talk to him. [ cheers and applause ] also, he's one of the stars of netflix's "unbreakable kimmy schmidt," tituss burgess is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and also, he is the author of his novel, "private citizens," author tony tulathimutte is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] a fantastic book, a fantastic writer. i can't wait to have him out. before we get to all that, based on the polls, hillary clinton and donald trump are likely to do very well in the five states holding primaries tonight, and with two candidates emerging as clear front-runners, the media has moved on to one of its favorite parlor games -- speculating wildly about who they'll choose as their running mates. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: the media didn't even wait a full week after clinton
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and trump's wins in new york state last week to start the vice presidential speculation and specifically to start using one of their favorite turns of phrase. >> let the veepstakes begin. >> already speculation is running wild in these veepstakes. >> that's right, america. your veepstakes seem to have officially begun. >> seth: stop trying to make veepstakes a thing. no one outside the media ever calls it the veepstakes. nothing is worse than when thenews tries to get you use new slang like, "wintry mix" or "marco-mentum" or, in cnn's case, "breaking news." [ laughter ] and if "veepstakes" made you roll your eyes a little, you're not alone. hillary clinton apparently agrees with you as evidenced by her bummed-out reaction to a question about the veepstakes on saturday. >> has your campaign started to consider who to pick for vp? >> uh, i'm just working hard to win on tuesday. >> seth: "oh, [ bleep ] off!" [ laughter ] ah! in hillary's defense, it's not
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like her vp pick is really going to matter because i get the sense, she's going to be doing everything. "madame president, it's not really your job to shovel the white house driveway." "i'm gonna need you to get out of my way and bring me some salt." [ laughter ] whether hillary likes it or not, the vp selection process has begun, and "the new york times" reported over the weekend, that when it comes to choosing a running mate, clinton "cares less about ideological and personal compatibility than about picking a winner." that's right, winners only. hillary is vetting running mates emilio estevez in "the breakfast club" style. >> "you've got to be number one! i won't tolerate any losers in this family. your intensity is for [ bleep ]! win, win, win!" [ laughter ] >> seth: "win! [ cheers and applause ] win!" and it's not just clinton and trump. even candidates who have virtually no chance of becoming president are getting in on the veepstakes game. >> john kasich only claiming a win in ohio so far, but he's already taking a look at a few possible running mates.
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the republican governor not throwing out any names just yet, but he does say the process is under way. >> you know, these things come quickly, and you don't want to have yourself in a position of where you have to pick somebody out of a hat. >> seth: john kasich picking a running mate is like vin diesel practicing oscars acceptance speech. [ laughter ] so who's actually on the list of vp contenders for hillary clinton and donald trump? well, it all depends on how they go about it. there are many ways to select a vp. there's the "pick an opposite" technique. for example, old man john mccain selected young woman sarah palin. young black man barack obama selected old white man joe biden. [ laughter ] and the most famous example, vice president george w. bush selecting president dick cheney. [ laughter ] now, if donald trump goes to the opposite technique the question is, who or what is the opposite of donald trump? [ laughter ] is it a mexican guy whose tears down walls with his giant hands? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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oh, wait, no, i know. trump's opposite would be a homeless guy married to an older, ugly woman. [ laughter ] now another option for trump is to choose rubio, kasich, or cruz. unfortunately for him, they've all said this. >> i'm not going to be anybody's vice president. >> i'm not running for anybody's vice president. >> i have zero interest whatsoever. >> seth: now, you can't blame people who are running for saying they're not interested in second place. if you make it clear that you want to be vice president, you come off as desperate, and the next thing you know you're standing in the back of a press conference wondering where it all went wrong. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and what about hillary? well, there's the option of picking whoever comes in second, but i can't imagine anyone wants to see hillary pick bernie. i mean, she's already pretty grumpy. the two of them together would be like one of those couples you hate to see boarding your plane. [ laughter ] like, he's already telling her she's over packed. she's telling him to keep his voice down.
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and you're thinking, "not in my row. please, not in my row." [ laughter ] you know, some are suggesting hillary doubled down on strong females by choosing elizabeth warren as her running mate. now, some might say, "is it feasible to have a woman as president and vice president in the same country that lost their collective minds when they heard about the all-female ghostbusters?" [ laughter ] i mean, you could never have two people with the same gender in the white house except for the last 44 times. [ laughter and applause ] but i think -- i think if hillary/warren ticket could be a great pairing. if you've ever seen either of them at a congressional hearing, you know they ain't afraid of no ghosts. this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. ♪ (man) what i love most about
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: give it up for the 8g band, everybody, right over there. also, back with us tonight and all week long, he's a widely acclaimed, genre- spanning drummer and songwriter. from the grammy award-winning rock band, living colour, will calhoun is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] will's upcoming record, "celebrating elvin jones" drops august 12th on motema music, and will be available on itunes and amazon. thank you so much for being
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here, will. such a pleasure. >> pleasure, thank you. thank you, seth. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now, moving on, are you guys familiar with these dog shaming websites? here's how they work. people take a picture of their dog looking guilty next to a little sign that says what the dog did. here's an example. "i ate my daddy's $300 sunglasses." that's pretty cute, right? here's another one. "i enjoy digging the flower beds up and eating mulch because i'm bored." [ light laughter ] adorable, adorable. but these are all minor offenses. after searching around the internet, we found some websites featuring dogs that have done much, much worse things. we'd like to show them to you now in a segment we call "extreme dog shaming." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: extreme, indeed. so let's take a look at our first dog. [ audience aws ] oh, that's a cute little guy. he could not be guilty of anything. "i still answer phone calls by saying, 'wazzup?'" [ laughter ] bad dog. that moment passed. fairly immediately that moment passed.
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let's see who's next. oh, she's adorable. i can't imagine she'd do anything too bad. "i wear pajama pants on airplanes." [ laughter ] nobody -- that makes everyone uncomfortable because that's a public place. who's next? what a cute little pupper this guy is. [ audience aws ] what did he do? "i bum out karaoke nights with r.e.m.'s 'everybody hurts.'" [ laughter ] 'cause then we're all thinking, "what happened to you," "what are you going through?" and that's not what karaoke night's about. [ light laughter ] who do we have next? oh, he's a good little boy. [ audience aws ] "i leave one advil in the bottle." [ laughter ] just throw it away. no one needs one advil. who's next? let's see. i like this guy. "i take off my wedding ring before entering a dog bar." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] bad dog. dirty dog. [ laughter ] who do we have next? oh, the only thing this guy is guilty of is being the cutest. "i called the police on my neighbors because their baby was crying." [ laughter ] bad dog. also, we knew he was crying.
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who do we have next? oh, i love those little ears. "i call my black friends my black friends." [ laughter ] who's next? oh, this is -- [ light laughter ] this is certainly an interesting looking fellow. what did he do? "in my tinder profile i'm a purebred collie." [ laughter and applause ] ha. look, we all -- we've all lied a little bit. that's a stretch. who's next? oh, who do we have? this very dignified, very regal. "i'm becky with the good hair." [ laughter ] bad dog. who's next? oh, that's a cute little puppers. "i shout out random numbers when someone's trying to count." [ laughter ] ass [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] who do we have next? [ audience aws ]
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oh, he's an adorable little cutie. "i think dogs should pee on fire hydrants that correspond to the gender on their birth certificate." [ laughter ] horrible position to take. who do we have next, you guys? oh, that's a nice little mutt. "i think we should put an african-american on the $20 bill." well, that's -- nothing wrong with that at all. that makes perfect sense. oh, wait. you guys, i'm sorry, there's more. "it should be bill cosby." [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] bad -- [ laughter ] bad dog. who do we have next? oh, wait a minute, everybody. this is my dog frisbee. frisbee, what did you do? "i know seth's new kid is the baby but seth's the one who [ bleep ] himself." [ laughter ] frisbee -- you know what? that was "extreme dog shaming." we'll be right back with ricky gervais, everybody. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ help with your everyday messes.a
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our first guest tonight is an emmy and golden globe-winning
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actor and comedian you know from shows like "the office" and "extras." he directed, wrote, and stars in the new film "special correspondents," which is available on netflix starting this friday. let's take a look. >> guys, imagine you're in your village. oh, what might you shout? >> tio miguel! >> what does that mean? >> uncle miguel! >> why would you shout "uncle miguel"? >> because he's almost deaf. >> be scared, or shout something about your children. [ yelling in spanish ] >> what does that mean? >> my baby is getting fat. >> what's that got to do with anything? >> because you said say something about children and i love fat babies because it means they're eating well. >> yeah. >> it's true. >> i know, i like fat babies. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, ricky gervais. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> seth: always, always a pleasure to see you. >> oh, thank you. >> seth: congratulations on the film. >> thank you. >> seth: so from this clip we can tell that -- so you're a radio producer? >> yeah. i'm -- >> seth: a technician? >> yeah, i'm a technician and eric bana is a sort of newshound and we're meant to go and cover a war in ecuador. but because i'm going through some stuff, i accidentally lose the tickets and passports. but i realize it's radio, so i can fake it. >> seth: gotcha. >> and so we can hide in a spanish restaurant with our friends. and we create these news reports pretending we're in ecuador. and i was getting those, to sort of give some authenticity, shout things in spanish. >> seth: i see. i see. >> yeah, exactly. yeah. >> seth: eric bana, had you ever worked with eric before? >> i haven't worked with anyone on this film before. i haven't worked with any of the crew, any of the cast. >> seth: is that exciting when you go into a film? >> no, it's a bit worrying. it's away from home. i mean, i don't know what to do. i don't know how to seem authoritative when i walk in, you know what i mean? >> seth: why didn't you bring one friend from an old movie? [ light laughter ] >> uh, yeah, i could have, couldn't i? >> seth: yeah. >> you are allowed to do that.
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>> seth: yeah, you can bring one. you're allowed to bring one person. [ laughter ] >> yeah. i don't know why i didn't, really. i cast eric. and i didn't know he had a comedy background. >> seth: yeah. i thought he was like a real cool sort of action hero, which i thought would be funny to play off me. [ laughter ] and um -- but he's an idiot, too. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> so it was really good fun. >> seth: and then, so you're a couple of idiots. did you then have fun? did you guys -- when you're working on a movie do you go out, socialize, actually enjoy yourself? >> well, yeah. well, so, eric flew in a couple days before the movie. so the night before the first day's filming, everything's sorted i'm really looking forward to it. you know, you've planned everything. and i say, "let's go to dinner." so, he was shocked that i wanted to go to dinner at 6:00 p.m. right? >> seth: because that's too early for eric bana. >> that's too early for the hulk. right? >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> so we go to dinner, we leave therestaurant at about quarter past 7:00, in shades because it's still sunny. [ light laughter ] and the next day, the first day of filming, he said he had to order room service at quarter to 12:00 because he was starving. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> because we had eaten too
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early. and i said, "what were you doing up at quarter to 12:00?" he went, "who are you, my [ bleep ] father?" [ laughter ] "no, i go to bed about 9:00." >> seth: yeah. >> i work really fast, but i keep great hours. it's always fun. i've usually written it, so i sort of know what i'm doing. >> seth: 'cause you wrote and directed this? yes? >> yeah. >> seth: okay. >> and i shoot with two cameras and it's quick and it's fast and everyone goes home at 5:00. but i run around and then i have to sleep for like ten hours. >> seth: gotcha. >> i like to think it's because i'm a genius, but it's more because i'm a toddler. >> seth: oh, i see. [ laughter ] there's such a thin line between genius and toddler. >> exactly. [ laughter ] yes. oh, look, he's falling asleep. he's a genius. [ laughter ] yeah. >> seth: oh, wait, now he's on a bottle. i think he's a toddler. i think he's a toddler. >> yeah. >> seth: i want to ask you about this. 'cause i'm very excited. this is coming up this summer, "david brent: life on the road." >> yeah. >> seth: all right, now this is very exciting to me. last time you were here -- i'm such a fan of "the office." >> thank you. >> seth: and so now this is revisiting your character david brent -- >> yeah. >> seth: -- 15 years later. >> it's 15 years later. it's what he's doing now. and what he's doing now is he's a sales rep.
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he's selling, you know, cleaning products. well, all your toiletry needs. >> seth: oh, yeah. >> urinal lozenges. [ light laughter ] tampon dispensers, you name it. >> seth: okay, good. >> so he's this guy, okay, and now he's not in charge anymore. he's just a guy in the office and he's sort of bullied because the world is different, it's full of alpha males. you know, we're in that place now where people go -- on "the apprentice," while going, "i will destroy anyone." and he's out of time. he's sort of 55 now. and he's spending all his money. he's cashed in a few pensions because he's never given up the dream of being a rock star. so he's put together like a band of like mercenary session musicians who think he's an idiot. but, you know, paid to play. and it's just tragic. but it's funny. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] well, again, i feel like "the office" always worked as tragic and funny at the same time. >> yeah, exactly. yeah, he's a real person who's been sort of sold a lie. and, you know, we're all like that sometimes. >> seth: but i do have to ask this. because we -- when you were here, we spoke -- you had the perfect ending. "the office" had the best ending, i would argue -- >> thank you. >> seth: -- of any television show. >> thank you. >> seth: do you feel like you're risking it by doing more
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david brent? >> no, i've already been paid. >> seth: okay, great. [ laughter ] >> so -- >> seth: that was smart. >> it's not a problem. [ applause ] not a problem. >> seth: you know, obviously, we're all familiar with the american "office." i did not realize how many other "offices." how many other countries did their version? >> yeah, it's crazy. i think it's eight. >> seth: okay. >> i think it's israel, chile, canada, french canada, france, germany -- uh, there's about eight. which is -- the original is shown in about a hundred countries. >> seth: yes, i believe that. >> you know, which happens. but it's weird that they made so many remakes. >> seth: is it weird -- >> they just didn't like my version. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, is it weird when you -- >> we want it, but not with him. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i like the idea that, oh, that you found a universal thing. >> yeah. >> seth: that everybody said, "oh, we can do it, but we have a way we do boorish management." >> it was funny because it was about being sort of ordinary and local and a bit boring, so you got to do it for yourself.
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otherwise, i imagine slough is quite glamorous if you live around -- you know what i mean? >> seth: sure. >> it might be. you know? so yeah. and i think that people are shocked when it first started getting remade because it was -- they thought it was very quintessentially english. but i think the themes are universal. >> seth: and what is it like the first time you see the actor they've chosen to play david brent? >> i go, "great. it's a fat, midlife bloke, perfect. well done." [ light laughter ] apart from steve carell. steve carell was nearly handsome. >> seth: yeah. >> wasn't he? >> seth: and the other countries didn't go that way? >> no. >> seth: do you know which countries they are? i have a couple. i have a couple of -- this is -- where is this guy? >> that's -- [ laughter ] thank you. yes. i think that's israel, possibly. >> seth: okay. and then this? i think this is -- >> oh, that's french canada. >> seth: okay. >> because they named him -- he's not david brent in this. he's david gervais. [ laughter ] as a little homage. because i've got a french name. >> seth: oh, that's true. >> yeah, exactly. >> seth: is it an homage? did you take it as one? >> yeah, sort of. they told me it was after me, yeah. >> seth: okay, that's nice.
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>> and they found another fat bloke, so it's perfect. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and i know that you engage with fans on twitter and i know that have heard at times -- >> "fans" is a strong word, yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: the monsters of twitter. >> well, yeah. i mean, it's -- i've got, you know, a few fans. and it's nice. it's nice. um -- it reminds me of -- don't go out. you know what i mean? those people are -- don't go out your door. there's -- you see, as an observational comic, i usually have to meet people. but now i can talk to these crazies from the safety of my mansion. >> seth: oh, wonderful. >> exactly. >> seth: so you don't have to go outside anymore. >> no, they're great. it's really good because it's such a fast and quick sample of the world. you know you try stuff out on twitter. >> seth: yeah. >> i use it as market research, you know? and it makes you hone a joke and it makes you make a joke not ambiguous because otherwise you're explaining a joke for the rest of the day. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> no, i didn't mean that. that was the wrong word to use. so you really think about it. well, until you're drunk, and then you don't. [ light laughter ] but it's fun, i like it.
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>> seth: and then some people have said -- i know that people have said that some -- they will say they enjoyed the american "office" more than the british "office." and they will say this to you, which is -- i -- >> people say things to you on twitter they would never come up to you on the street. everyone's lovely in real -- but i think there's that barrier. it's like, they think they're virtual. they think they're not real, and they say things to you that are sort of shocking. yes, the other day someone said, "the american version of 'the office' is more successful than yours. how does that make you feel?" and i answered, "{ bleep ] rich." >> seth: there you go. [ laughter ] there you go. [ cheers and applause ] all right. well, i feel like -- i'm going to do something that's probably cliche because it's -- i mean you are -- just because you're british i'm going to ask you about a thing that happened in england. >> okay. >> seth: because i feel like i want to know your take, which is you saw obama met prince george in his robe. did you -- had you seen this photo? were you aware that this had happened? >> no, i hadn't. i hadn't. >> seth: yeah. >> do we know that's the prince and he's not just far away? >> seth: oh, yeah.
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[ laughter ] you think that's an adult british person? >> it could be. it could be perspective. >> seth: that's true. it's forced perspective. that's the ambassador. they walked to the ambassador. >> that's lovely, that he meets him in his dressing gown. "sorry, i wasn't ready. hi. come in." [ laughter ] that's lovely. >> seth: "oh, today? oh, you're coming today? look at me. [ laughter ] i just got out of the shower. i'm so sorry." that's such a power play. >> that's great, isn't it? >> seth: they said "the president's here." and he was like, "i got a great move. i'm gonna go put my robe on." >> "hi. oh, sorry, hi. yeah." >> seth: have you ever met any of the royal family? >> i have. i've met -- yeah, i've met a few. in fact, william and harry have come to a few of my gigs. my standup gigs. >> seth: when you do standup? >> yeah, they call up and they say, "can we come down?" and then i say, "no." [ laughter ] no. right. one gig, one gig in -- maybe the albert hall or somewhere, there was those two on the guest list. they came in, they were drinking beer, not paying for it. [ laughter ] it was them, madonna, and paul mccartney. not one of them bought a ticket. >> seth: really? >> every one of them in free. [ light laughter ]
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think of the money they've got! >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> what a way to go around. come on, this is 50 bucks each. they probably don't carry money, do they? >> seth: no, i bet they don't. yeah, none of them do. i can't imagine any of people you mentioned -- >> be like, "i got a picture of your nan." >> seth: yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] i forgot about that. >> your nan's on the money. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's true. i guess if my grandmother was on u.s. money, i would never carry it around. >> no. >> seth: i don't ned that. >> it'd be embarrassing, wouldn't it? [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. i also just don't need to be reminded. yeah. and you know, another interesting thing, real quick about "the office," you know, that was a reality show that obviously was the early 2000s. reality has changed so much. >> oh, it's completely different now. >> seth: completely different. and we actually have a reality star who's running for president. you have a plan for donald trump, though, what america should do. >> well, first of all, i can't get enough of him. i started off thinking it was quite funny, and then it got a bit serious. and now i don't know whether i want him to get in for the fun
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of it or not. i mean, i can say that. i don't live here. so, sorry about that, but i think it would be -- [ laughter ] but i love him. i just want to see a channel 24/7, just him talking. 'cause it's amazing. >> seth: it is amazing. >> i love it. he doesn't mean to be funny. that's the beauty of it. but i think what if we just told him he got in -- [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. [ applause ] >> and -- >> seth: i'm all right with that. yeah. >> so he gets up every day, right? and he does a little address and we go, "yeah. it's brilliant. you're the president." but they're all extras. >> seth: right. [ laughter ] >> they're all extras. and he doesn't -- he just never knows. he was never president. >> seth: and we're filming it and watching it. >> we're filming it -- yeah. exactly. that'd be amazing. >> seth: oh, that'd be amazing. >> i think he'd be up for it. >> seth: i bet he would. >> yeah. >> seth: you wouldn't even have to tell him, right? you would just say -- >> no, not yet. >> seth: yeah. maybe a year in, you say, "here's the thing, it's been fake but the ratings are huge." [ laughter ] and he goes, "very good. i'll keep doing it. i'll keep doing it." >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: thank you so as much for being here. >> thank you. >> seth: ricky gervais, everybody. "special correspondents" available starting this friday on netflix. we'll be right back with titus burgess. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ before earning enough cash back from bank of america to buy a new gym bag. before earning 1% cash back everywhere, every time and 2% back at the grocery store. even before he got 3% back on gas. kenny used his bankamericard cash rewards credit card to join the wednesday night league. because he loves to play hoops. not jump through them. that's the excitement of rewarding connections. apply online or at a bank of america near you.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest tonight is an emmy nominated actor who stars in the popular series "unbreakable kimmy schmidt." the second season is currently streaming on netflix. let's take a look. >> what is wrong? and what's right? and what's just -- >> i find that life is mostly gray areas especially the parts i can't reach with moisturizer.
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>> mm-hmm. is that why you thought it was okay to be so mean to vonda? >> i don't know what you're referring to because in the movie i saw i was a hero scoring a legal victory for young runagays everywhere. >> you couldn't even apologize to her. >> there are three things titus andromedon does not do. apologies, drag, and calculus. >> i'm beginning to think maybe you were a better person back when you were ronald wilkerson. >> well we'll never know, because ronald wilkerson's dead. >> you are just mr. sassafras jeans today. >> that's a dumb name for how fierce i'm being right now. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show, our friend, tituss burgess. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: hi, titus. i'm so happy to have you back. >> well hello, seth. i'm a sophomore now. >> seth: you are a sophomore. second time on both with the show and as guest being here. >> indeed. absolutely.
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>> seth: i -- so enjoying season two of "kimmy schmidt." >> oh yeah. >> seth: i wanna talk about a season one moment. >> very good. >> seth: one of moments, sort of took from the show is your character, titus, had a song called "peeno noir." [ chhers ] >> oh, yes. >> seth: and "peeno noir" was a -- >> an ode to black penis. >> seth: it was an ode to black penis. [ laughter ] and because the name of the song was "peeno noir," did that affect your drinking habits at all? >> i could slit my wrist and pour you a glass pinot noir right now. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] you've been drinking a lot of it. >> i've been drinking a lot of it. >> seth: do fans -- will fans send it over to your table? >> i -- i've gotten so many bottles of pinot noir that i literally could populate the entire earth with a bottle. [ laughter ] >> seth: well -- here's the thing that's very exciting, you decided to jump on the pinot noir train. >> indeed i did. oh, seth what are you bringing out? >> seth: you made your own bottle of pinot noir by tituss. >> look at that! >> seth: there you go. [ cheers and applause ] that's -- can we get in on -- there we go. look at you. and i thought, if you didn't mind, i thought we'd have a couple glasses here while we -- >> i would like nothing more. >> seth: okay that's fantastic.
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now, did you -- how much work did you do into making this pinot noir? >> none at all. >> seth: none at all, great. [ laughter ] and did you -- when you first tasted it, were you happy with it? >> do you know what, this was the third one that i tasted and i told them they could stop right there because i knew that this was the one. >> seth: you were having -- sorry i should have said cheers. >> no, very good. thank you. and thanks for having me. >> seth: of course. now carol kane, your wonderful -- she's your wonderful guest star on the show, one of your co-cast members. and you tried the pinot noir with her. >> yes. so i told carol, i was like, listen -- i'm gonna send you a bottle but i want you to taste it out and like let's put the little thing on instagram and see what you think. >> seth: gotcha. >> so i was like, just let me know what you think and you can give me a thumbs up, you can hug me, you can kiss me. that's not what she did. >> seth: this is promotional. this was to promote your wine. >> this is -- this is to promote my wine. >> seth: let's take a look at what your friend carol did. >> i went out with carol kane. and she's tasting my pinot noir for the first time. i want to know what she thinks. [ slap ] [ laughter ] >> seth: such a powerful slap.
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>> you have no idea. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] and the speed with which -- >> it hurt. >> seth: yeah, it looked like it hurt. last time you were here -- because you gave me a word that i find -- i'm very happy to have in my vocabulary, which is i overstand. >> do you use it? >> seth: i do, i have used it. >> let me hear you use it. >> seth: when my wife is explaining how the dishwasher works, i'll be like, i overstand. [ laughter ] >> okay, that's pretty good. that's pretty good. >> seth: and overstand meaning that you understand to the point that you need them to stop talking about it. >> you don't need them to explain it. >> seth: yeah. i -- i understand. >> like right now i overstand your use. [ laughter ] >> seth: you have more for us. you have another gift. >> oh, i do. so here's a new word. so i'm sure all of you work with people who are mediocre. >> seth: yep. [ light laughter ] >> and they're probably fierce at being mediocre. [ laughter ] so i've coined fierceiocre. [ laughter ] >> seth: so use fierceiocre. >> other pinot noirs are
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fierceiocre. >> seth: okay gotcha. it's just like fier -- it's fiercely mediocre. >> pinot by tituss, i overstand its brilliance. >> seth: okay, got you. very, very helpful. [ cheers and applause ] now, obviously second year on the show, all the episodes are out now 'cause it's netflix. people are watching it. you have more fans now than you had last year. >> yeah. >> seth: i know that they're approaching you now in some uncommon places, some places you wouldn't expect. >> yeah, i had a very strange encounter. i was using the restroom, number one, clean story. [ laughter ] so i walked in and this guy was walking out. and then he turned -- and this was a single stall. and he turned around and closed the door. i'm sure there's some laws about that. [ laughter ] so i am relieving myself and he proceeds to give me all these superlatives. and i'm thinking at what point do you stop adoration?
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and so i finished up and i wash my hands. >> seth: and he's just saying he loves you on the show? >> like going on and on and on and i'm going on and on and on. [ laughter ] and it was very uncomfortable. but he felt so convicted in his moment and i felt bad for stopping him, so i continued to relieve myself and he continued to stand in there with me. it was really strange. >> seth: that's strange. and we walked out together and i'm sure some people thought -- [ laughter ] >> seth: see, i can only pee if people are praising me. that's like the only way -- [ laughter ] the only way i can get it started. you are going -- you're playing -- your role on "the little mermaid," which you began on broadway. >> yeah. >> seth: you're doing it again. >> i am. i was lucky enough to originate the role of sebastian the crab in "the little mermaid." [ cheers and applause ] "down here is your home. the human world, it's a mess. life under the sea is better
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than anything they got up there." [ cheers and applause ] so, this summer -- do you like it? >> seth: i love it. >> do you really? >> seth: i do. >> are you just saying that? >> seth: you know, i've been told i drank alcohol on the show before, like tested it. and i've been told i make a face that makes it look like i hate it even when i like it. so tell me -- because i like it. >> taste of it then -- oh, you love it. [ laughter ] let me taste. oh, god, i overstand. so this summer i get to do it again at the hollywood bowl with rebel wilson, sara bareilles, and john stamos, darren criss. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> and norm lewis, a whole bunch of other people. >> seth: this summer. >> yeah. >> seth: hollywood bowl in l.a. >> yeah. >> seth: all right, great. well, congratulations on that, tituss. thanks so much for being back. >> aw, thanks, man. >> seth: the wine's fantastic. tituss burgess, everybody. the second season of "unbreakable kimmy schmidt" is now streaming on netflix. we'll be right back with tony tulathimutte.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest's critically acclaimed debut novel "private citizens" is available in bookstores now. please welcome to the show, tony tulathimutte. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: congratulations. >> thank you. >> seth: finished your first novel. >> that's right. >> seth: very exciting. and i'm excited for you. you must be excited. but these must be the most excited people. these are your parents, correct? [ laughter ] and these are your parents. and as you can see, they are drinking, and i need to say, for those who forgot what the cover of the book is, they have printed that on shirts. >> yep.
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they did that. >> seth: okay. >> yeah. >> seth: and so they did that and you would think, "oh, that's just three shirts." >> yeah. >> seth: but then there's this -- they sent you this, yes? >> yes, they did. right. so i didn't even know why they're gonna do that. this is like the pinnacle of asian parenting here. [ laughter ] so they just texted me from thailand and said, like, "oh, can we make some t- shirts with your book cover on it?" i said, "all right." and then they send me this and i'm like, "do you know you just gave me instagram gold? do you know? i'm rich." [ laughter ] >> seth: it's fantastic. so what a nice thing for them all to do that. i will say, let me tell you something else, that's a well taken group photo. they are all in a really good position for that. [ laughter ] >> i think like the thing was -- i mean, my dad's a doctor my mom was like a doctor in thailand. my sister's a doctor, she married a doctor. and so like i'm the disappointment here. [ laughter ] like i was finally gave them something good enough to brag about in social media format. and they were just gonna be like, "we're gonna go ham on this." >> seth: they immediately -- >> yeah. >> seth: they were like, "and one of these days tony is going to do something and we're going to put it on a shirt." [ laughter ]
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now, i'm -- you know sometimes i'm actually happy to hear this. not for the work you put into it. but this reads, you have a writing style that reads sort of effortlessly. it makes me think that you wrote it effortlessly, but it took you seven years. yes? >> oh, yeah, because i'm like the world's greatest procrastinator. >> seth: you know this about yourself? >> yeah, i call it powercrastinating. >> seth: okay, gotcha. and that doesn't get in the way of working on a book. >> no, i mean actually i think it's kind of fashionable for writers now to say, like, "oh, i shut the door and i turned the internet off and i let the muse sing to me and stuff." but it's -- you know, i think that there's a lot of good stuff that can come when you're just like going around online and saying, like, "oh, that looks interesting." and then like seven clicks later you're like, "oh, that's how this yellow power ranger died." >> seth: okay, gotcha. [ laughter ] >> seth: so that -- but you find out about the yellow power ranger and that informs your writing to some degree. >> yeah, exactly. but just curiosity. i mean, there's like a long chapter in the book about porn. >> seth: yeah. >> and i mean, i researched that the old fashioned way. >> seth: gotcha. [ laughter ] that's very nice of you. >> yeah. >> seth: and i want to ask about that because this is a book about four friends.
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and obviously, when you write, you're writing about people that seem to be your age. so -- and will is the character with the porn addiction. >> yeah. >> seth: well, will is the asian american, the thai american. >> that's right. >> seth: does everybody just assume that's you? >> i mean, i knew that they would. that's the thing. there's one asian character in the book and all the characters are like equally sort of dna splicings of me. but then i knew, "oh, they're going to connect me. will, tony, that's the same guy." and knowing that this was going to happen, i figured like, okay, i'm going to booby-trap this character then. i'm gonna make him the worst porn addicted desperate manipulative degenerate in the book, and then, you know, if people wanted to come at me i'll just be like fight me. [ laughter ] you know? >> seth: oh that's good. you made yourself -- you made yourself a man of danger? >> yeah. >> seth: you also -- you know these are -- you sort took on millennials which is a generation that i feel like people are -- feel very strongly about one way or the other. and there is, of all the characters, there is much that is unlikable. >> yeah.
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>> seth: is that something that when you start writing a book, you are worried about? like i am writing characters that are not -- people will not be instantly drawn to? i mean the first car ride that you spend with them, you sort of tell us more about what not to like about these people than what to like. >> yeah, it's true. so i mean, first of all, about millennials. like, it's probably like the most hateable generation in history, right? but if you -- >> seth: tom brokaw calls them the worst generation. [ laughter ] "the worst generation, millenials." >> right, yeah. but then if you look back at the '60s with the hippies and the '70s with the disco generation, the '80s with the me generation, the '90s with slackers, grunge kids, whatever. like, they were all hated by the people who were older than them. they reminded them that they were old, right? [ laughter ] and now -- >> seth: not me because i'm also young and hip. and i think like -- >> no, you're cool. >> seth: -- your generation is like i'm one of you and i totally get that. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: thank you. [ laughter ] >> yeah, we went to middle school together. me and seth. >> seth: yeah, thank you. >> but even now when i look at these 14-year-old youtube celebrities with like perfect hair riding a hover board or
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something. who are like, "hey, guys, it's brendan." you know? i can -- i can -- i'm kind of like, i get it. i get why people hated me now. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. it's nice. that is the gift that brendan is giving us, yes. he's teaching us the power of hate. congratulations so much on the book. >> thank you. >> seth: it's fantastic, and it was seven years well spent. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you, seth. >> seth: give it up everybody for tony tulathimutte. [ cheers and applause ] "private citizens" available in book stores now. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thanks to ricky gervais, tituss burgess, tony tulathimutte, everybody! will calhoun, "the 8g band." stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: well hello, you're watching "last call" with me, carson daly, thank you very much. you're on nbc, we also

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