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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  July 30, 2016 12:37am-1:38am PDT

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: live from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- leslie jones. cooking seafood with chef carlo mirarchi. featuring the 8g band with atom willard. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night," and we are live at 1:23:10 a.m. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. how's everybody doing this morning? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news.
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donald trump gave a 76-minute speech tonight, and there was definitely a theme. >> law and order. law and order. law and order. law and order. [ laughter and applause ] >> hey, if you're going to give a 76-minute speech that late at night, maybe don't mention other things people could be watching. [ laughter and applause ] trump said law and order tonight more times than an actor's biography section of a broadway playbill. sorry. that was the most new york joke. ivanka trump introduced her father at the republican convention tonight and said that he is color blind and gender neutral, which unfortunately under the new g.o.p. platform means that trump cannot use the bathroom anywhere. i have to go in my pants? no, no. not you mike pence.
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today was the last day of the republican convention with the theme, make american one again, and after listening to trump's plan for the country, i nearly oned in my pants. [ laughter and applause ] each day of the republican convention had a theme, and today's was make america one again. but, let's be honest, that was not the first draft. [ audience oohs ] on the first night of the republican national convention, donald trump was taken to task by the band queen after walking on stage to their song "we are the champions," donald, are you really surprised that freddie mercury's band didn't want to be associated with you? and then we got to thinking, actually, everyone who spoke over the past four days came out to the wrong music, so we here at "late night" are rectifying that now with our rnc walk on music that should have been
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used. take a look. ♪ stacy's mom has got it going on i'm going off the rails on a crazy train ♪ ♪ mr. sandman give me a dream i want candy i'm a creep ♪ ♪ teenage mutant ninja turtles turtles in a half shell ♪ ♪ who are you who who who who it's the end of the world as we know it ♪ [ laughter and applause ] uld have been used. ted cruz spoke in the convention
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last night and was loudly booed because he refused to endorse donald trump for president, and i'm kind of surprised to learn that ted cruz has a backbone. especially considering that he has no face bones. [ laughter and applause ] following outrage her husband did not endorse trump last night, heidi cruz was escorted from the republican convention by security as people yelled "goldman sachs," careful, republicans, if you say it three times, hillary will appear. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump today said that as president, he would consider breaking nato agreements by not immediately offering aid to other member countries. personally, i have the only nato i only thought i would hear associated with a president, donald trump, would be a sharknado. [ laughter and applause ] following mike pence's speech last night, donald trump joined his running mate on stage and appeared to make an air kiss gesture to him, and then pence tried to send trump to a gay
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reeducation camp. [ laughter and applause ] former trump adviser, roger stone, spoke out against ex-campaign manager corey lewandowski's critical remarks about trump calling lewandowski a pimple on the ass of history. and this, of course, would be the ass of history. [ laughter and applause ] and, finally, women's rights group speak out against the republican party saying trump and pence are a dangerous ticket for reproductive rights, but not only that, they are leading cause of vaginal dryness. ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! [ cheers and applause ] from "ghostbusters" our friend leslie jones is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] cooking up some incredible seafood with chef carlo mirarchi. [ cheers and applause ] and what can i say, it's going to be a fun night, and we're live. first time we've been live.
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[ cheers and applause ] watch this. that just happened. donald trump officially accepted the republican nomination for president tonight in an hour-plus long speech to cast a dark view of america based on fear and misinformation. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look live." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: before we get to the events of tonight, a quick recap of yesterday, because let's be honest, we're still putting tonight's jokes on cue cards. [ laughter ] now, one of the goals of the convention was party unity, and last night, many of trumps vanquished primary foes were on stage to let bygones be bygones and endorse the nominee. there was scott walker who tried to get the audience to chant, america deserves better. >> we believe in an america where everyone can get the education and training that they need to succeed in college, in career, and in life. why?
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because america deserves better. why? because america deserves better. why? because america deserves better. >> seth: i don't know. after a week of people screaming guilty and lock her up, america deserves better sounds a little tame, it's like something a divorcee's best friend would say to her ex-husband after three rosés. karen deserves better, kevin. [ laughter ] then marco rubio appeared via video message, probably in hopes that once projected on a giant screen, trump would stop calling him little marco. did you see me, donald? i was 50 feet tall! [ laughter ] and then it was time for ted cruz, many wondered how cruz could endorse trump after the bitter campaign battles, and the answer was, he just wouldn't, which threw the hall into chaos and enlisted a hearty rounds of boos. >> stand and speak and vote your conscious, vote for candidates as up and down the ticket who
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you trust to defend our freedom and to be faithful to the constitution. to fight for freedom to protect our god-given rights even of those with whom we don't agree. >> seth: is there anyone more comfortable being hated more than ted cruz? look at him. he's like an alcoholic who needs a drink first thing in the morning. he runs on booze. this morning cruz was confronted by an angry delegate who demands why cruz didn't endorse trump after making a pledge to support the nominee. >> i'll just give you this response. i'm not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father. and that pledge was not a blanket commitment that if you go and slander and attack heidi that i'm going to nonetheless
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come like a servile puppy dog and say thank you very much for maligning my wife and maligning my father. >> seth: and when chris christie heard this, he said -- [ barking ] down, chris, it's okay. [ laughter ] after cruz's speech, it seems though trump was rattled when he took the stage to greet pence and awkwardly moved into the kiss before bailing. [ laughter ] what? what was trump's thought process there? i'm going to kill ted cruz. i'm gonna kill ted cruz. i'm going to kiss this lady. wait, that's a dude! [ laughter ] don't tease us with an air kiss, donald, america deserves better. [ cheers and applause ] now, one of tonight's main speakers was ivanka trump who gave an impressive speech about donald trump, the man, and sought to humanize him, and then she introduced her father.
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and one big question tonight was how would trump top the monday entrance when he entered like e.t. returning to earth. [ laughter ] would he arrive delivered by drone, or would he arrive wearing ted cruz's pelt? [ laughter ] instead, he decided with inappropriate father-daughter touching. >> a more traditional introduction for donald trump then the rock star one we saw earlier this convention, greeting his daughter ivanka. >> seth: poor mike pence must have seen that and thought, where was my hip tap? as for the substance of trump's speech, he made one thing totally clear, we are currently living in a dystopian nightmare. >> our convention occurs at a moment of crisis for our nation, images of violence in our streets, and the chaos in our communities. our roads and bridges are falling apart. our airports are third world condition. violence spilling across our
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borders. death, destruction, terrorism, and weakness. >> seth: trump talked about america like he was pitching a post apocalyptic show to the syfy network. buildings you recognize but there are vines on them. there's a deer inside an office building, lizard people living in burned out shopping malls. [ laughter ] trump also made an effort to reh out to latinos, african-americans, and the lgbtq community. though it did seem like it was the first time he said lgbtq. >> lgbtq -- [ laughter ] >> seth: he said that like he was giving pat sajak letters for the wheel of fortune final round. l, g, i'll do a b, pat. but, with all the problems trump laid out he also tried to demonstrate why he has the
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humility to set us back on the right course. >> nobody knows the system better than me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] which is why i, alone, can fix it. [ laughter ] >> seth: i love when trump makes the gesture of a man who also can't believe this is happening. [ laughter ] as usual, trump was not big on details, but laid out his plans. >> we will repeal and replace disastrous obamacare. you will be able to choose your own doctor again, and we will fix tsa at the airports, which is a total disaster. >> seth: i don't know about that last one. [ laughter ] if trump gets elected, the airports are going to be pretty crowded. [ laughter ] a one-way ticket to anywhere, please. anywhere. [ applause ]
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in the end, despite the questionable business practices, trump tried to cast himself as a hero of the working class. >> people, who work hard, but no longer have a voice, i am your voice! >> seth: i can say you're definitely my voice. i watched you so much the last year, i think in your voice. [ laughter ] the day my son was born, i remember thinking, this is the best baby, i'm going to love it. i'm going to love this baby bigly. so that was the gist of trump's remarks, but the far more revealing trump comments today came not in his speech, but in a "new york times" interview in which trump was asked about a series of urgent policy issues and responded with answers that were literally incomprehensible. for instance when a times reporter asked him, what kind of change could you make in terms of nafta without withdrawing from it? how could you? trump responded with this, and this is his full response,
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you've got to be fair to the country. everyone is leaving. carrier just announced they're leaving. ford is building a massive plant, so i have a friend who builds plants and then i have to go. i have a friend who builds plants. that's what he does. he's the biggest in the world. he builds plants, like automobile plants, computer plants, that's all he does. he doesn't build apartments. he doesn't build office space. he builds plants. i said to him the other day, how are you doing? he goes, unbelievable, oh, great that's good, thinking about the united states, right, because he's based in the united states, so i said, good, so the country is doing well. he said, no, no, not our country, you have to see what i'm doing in mexico. he said, business there is unbelievable. the new plants we're building, people moving from the united states. that's what he does, one-story plants, you understand? [ laughter ] well, i think i understand, but there's something i'm unclear on. what's your friend do? is it plants? [ laughter ] trump was asked if he would support the development of cyber weapons, and this was his response, quote, yes, i'm a fan
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of the future, and cyber is the future. that's right, he's a fans of the future, which is surprising to hear because if he gets elected, there might not be one. because as bad as those comments were the most dangerous thing trump said today, one of the most dangerous things he said ever, is that he would not automatically defend nato allies if attacked by russia. nato it's one of the founding post war order, but trump that if a nato ally was invaded by russia, he would say, have they fulfilled their obligations to us? if they fulfilled their obligations to us, the answer is yes, and if not, he would tell them quote, congratulations, you'll be defending yourself. no one follows congratulations with bad news like donald trump. he should have his own line of negative greeting cards. this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody! thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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this is the pursuit of perfection. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] yeah! also, he's been sitting in with us all week, we've had the incredible drumming skills of against me!'s atom willard. thank you so much for being here, atom. [ cheers and applause ] and check out the upcoming new album from atom and against me!,
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"shape shift with me" available everywhere september 16th. thank you so much for a great week. it's been so lovely having you here, atom. >> thank you. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i juswant to thank our live audience here. you guys, thank you so much for being here, it's fantastic to have you this late at night. [ cheers and applause ] and thank you, to everyone at home, who stayed up with us for our exciting live night. now, if you got a chance to look at the paper this morning, you might have seen there was a new study on migrating tree frogs and -- [ sniffing ] [ light laughter ] i'm sorry, i could be wrong here, but i think i smell smoke. and that can only mean one thing, it's time for, "ya burnt." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome to the burn zone! we got a lot of topics to sizzle through, but not a lot of time. over here is the burner. let's turn on the gas and load her up. [ burner lighting ] [ laughter ] whoo-hoo-hoo! holy moly, that's one hot cannoli! [ laughter ] first up, pokemon go!
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[ cheers ] pokemon go. hey, can we pokemon stop? [ laughter ] if i wanted an app to help me find monsters, i'd just download tinder. [ laughter ] also, in order to play this video game, i have to leave my house? that defeats the purpose of playing a video game. [ light laughter ] it's like flying to beijing to get chinese delivery. [ light laughter ] also look up from your phones while you're playing, people. do you really wanna be the guy in the obituary whose cause of death is hit by bus while throwing balls at jigglypuff? [ laughter ] pokemon go, "f" yourself. ya burnt! [ burner lighting ] [ applause ] humidity! thanks to you we all what it's like to walk around inside someone's mouth. [ laughter ] you know it's bad the hot wind of an arriving subway counts as a nice breeze. [ laughter ] also, humidity, thanks for making it look like i just had sex, on a stair master, in a sauna, with patrick ewing. humidity, it's not the heat, it's you. ya burnt! [ burner lighting ] [ cheers and applause ] sandals! you're not a shoe, you're a display case for the most disgusting part of the human body.
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[ laughter ] why is it that society loses it's mind over seeing a woman's nipple, but somehow we're all cool looking at a hippie's filthy toes. [ laughter ] and by the way, no guy wearing sandals has ever gotten laid, just ask jesus. side burn, jesus. >> side burn, jesus. [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, sandals, they should call you burntkenstocks, because ya burnt. [ burner lighting ] [ cheers and applause ] family camping trips! i'm sorry, this is supposed to be relaxing? sleeping on the ground, crapping in a hole, and hanging food in a tree so a bear doesn't kill you? [ light laughter ] you know who doesn't have bears? the radisson. [ laughter ] and there's nothing worse than when the whole family has to share one tent. the only thing a 14-year-old boy hears when you say that, is, "i can't masturbate for a week." >> seth wouldn't last two days. [ laughter ] >> seth: two? camping, throw another log on the fire and jump in, 'cause ya burnt! [ burner lighting ] [ cheers and applause ] the republican convention! you know you're weeks been a mess when people are saying "maybe this donald trump speech will turns things around." [ light laughter ] you've had plagiarized speeches, open revolts, and chachi from "happy days."
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>> potsie was unavailable. [ laughter ] >> seth: and enough of the applause breaks. if you guys didn't give a five minute standing ovation every time someone mentioned "america," i could have started my show on time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hey! another thing, quit with the campaign merch. what are we supposed to do with a button for the losing candidate? send it to africa for the little kids to pin on their carolina panthers super bowl jerseys? [ auence ohs ] we'll just edit that out. [ laughter ] the republican convention, you're over, and thank god, ya burnt! [ burner lighting ] [ cheers and applause ] live television! come on, we all know you're just a cheap gimmick used to drive up ratings. everyone's just tuning in hoping the network censors asleep in the wheel. so let's find out. duck, duck, [ bleep ] balls. meat balls. [ bleep ] ball pie. [ laughter ] ass [ bleep ]. grass mole. [ bleep ] stick. lipstick. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody. our first guest tonight is a very funny comedian and actress who you know from her work on "saturday night live." she stars in "ghostbusters," which is in theaters and imax 3d now. welcome back to the show, our very good friend, leslie jones. [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ >> seth: leslie! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth! >> seth: leslie! >> yes, baby! >> seth: want to remember -- i want to impress upon you that we are live because i was watching you last week. i was watching you last week on "live with kelly," 9:00a.m. in the morning, and you dropped an f-bomb. [ laughter ] >> man, my curse words don't know what time it is. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you know as soon as you did it? did you -- >> as soon as i did it. you know how when you are talk to your grandma and you let a curse word slips your tongue. "oh, grandma, i'm sorry!" [ laughter ] "i'm sorry, grandma! i ain't mean to say it." >> seth: well, i'm so happy to have you here. get this out of the way.
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>> yeah. >> seth: you had tweek. you are very active on twitter. i'm active on twitter. you had a very hard week. a lot people starting attacking you on twitter. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: using some pretty awful terminology. >> terrible. >> seth: and i was very proud of you. knowing you, i knew you'd stood up for yourself when that happened. and then, you used twitter as a form to draw attention to it, and, i mean, it seems like maybe this is going to be the beginning of some progress towards what happens on twitter. >> i hope so. i mean, first of all, let me let everybody know that i did not leave twitter, okay. >> seth: you're back? >> yeah, i didn't leave. i just signed out because i wanted to deal with what was going on -- >> seth: yeah. >> and then, i went to bed, and i woke up the next morning. i was like, "they said i left twitter? wait!" [ laughter ] "wait, i didn't leave!" but, you know, one of those type of things of, like, the insults -- what's scary about the thing is that the insults didn't hurt me. unfortunately, i'm used to insults. that's unfortunate. but, what scared me was the injustice of a gang of people jumping against you for such a
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sick cause. >> seth: yeah. >> i mean, it was, like -- like, i mean, they just, like, everybody has an opinion, and it all comes at you at one time. and they really believe in what they believe in -- >> seth: yeah. >> and it's so mean. like, it's so gross and mean and unnecessary. so it was just, like, one of those things of, like, "okay, so if i had not said anything, nobody would have ever knew about this." >> seth: yeah. >> it would have never -- all those people still would have an account, and it was one of the things of, like, "hey, you know, when i approached facebook, they was on it." twitter? i was on them. i was like, "yo, this is" -- okay, it's like, that's my favorite restaurant. i love the food there. three people just got shot in front of me. [ laughter ] y'all need to get some security. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well, you know, there's a lot of really smart people in that company, and they really need to try to start sorting
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out, not just how to protect people like you, but the people who don't have a public forum because it happens to so many people. >> yeah, period. and i met the ceo of twitter. there is a ceo. >> seth: really? [ laughter ] >> it's just jack. >> seth:hat's it? [ laughter ] >> just jack. >> seth: that famous when you have one name. >> just jack. and he was cool. he was cool. they helped me out. >> seth: that's good. >> we got, like, a whole bunch of accounts, you know, taken off of twitter. >> seth: good. >> yeah, because, you know, because it's not right. it's not right to gang up on everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: but, you know what? i do think it's important because, of course, there's also so many lovely interactions on twitter -- >> yes. >> seth: when you performing with the fans, and on social media in general. and this was very nice. we had an out pouring affection. a bunch of your fans put together videos. we put some of them together. let's take a look. >> don't care about these idiots. we love you, leslie. >> we want to let you know that we stand behind you and that we're rising about the hate. >> we love you, leslie! and anyone can be a ghostbuster! >> we love you, leslie! we love you! the power of patty compels us all! >> hey leslie jones, you are a
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black, statuesque, beautiful woman. [ cheers ] >> you got paid, girl! [ cheers and applause ] >> why you let those people upset you. >> we love you. we want you to know this. you have a very special place in my heart. you've inspired me, and you've inspired a bunch of other human beings out there who love you to death. >> seth: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] that's the best of you in that, right there. that's the best of it! >> that is so -- yes, thank ya'll! thank ya'll! thank you, thank you, thank you! [ cheers and applause ] that was -- yes. that was awesome. that was, like -- that was one of the things where i was, like, "oh, man that is so cool." like, you know, that many people reached out to you, like, "oh, wow! that's -- i'm affecting that many -- that's soul!" >> seth: that's really great. >> that makes you go, "oh, man, you know, i'm not going nowhere, man." >> seth: there you go. you've got to stay put. you're too important. you're too important. >> i mean -- and to let people know, freedom of speech, because i know a lot of people came at me with that. you know, "hey, you messing with freedom of speech." hey, hate speech and freedom of
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speech, two different things. >> seth: two different things. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i have so much more i need to ask you about. >> yes. >> seth: you going to stick around? >> yes! >> seth: we're gonna be right back with more leslie jones! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ well she loves to say, "well, fantastic!" a lot. i do say that, you see... i study psychobiology. i'm a fine arts major. nobody really believes that i take notes this way, but they actually make sense to me. i try to balance my studying with the typical college experience. this windows pc is a life saver! being able to pull up different articles to different parts of the screen is so convenient. i used to be a mac user but this is way better. first you start with this. these guys. a place like shhh! no. found it! and definitely lipton ice tea. lots of it.
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>> look at this beauty! >> what did you do to my uncle's hearse? >> i fixed it.
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>> man, this is so inappropriate for this vehicle. >> oh, we have fun. >> whoo! ♪ ♪ >> let's go. >> let's go. >> oh, sorry, i'll let you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to late night, we're here with leslie jones! i want to talk about "ghost busters," but real quick, this is very exciting. one of the reasons you can't leave tweeter leave twitter, sorry. is you -- the tweeter. you live tweet "game of thrones." and because of that, we did a piece where we watched "game of thrones" together, i had not en episodes, and you had. there was a momentn an episode that i want to show you describing real quick. >> okay, now this is what's upsetting me. i love you rickon. i love you and i'm going to say this, but you need to zig-zag [ bleep ]. [ laughter ]
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baby, move. dive on the ground, don't just let them shoot the arrow in you, you know what i'm saying? >> seth: serpentine. >> serpentine! that's just what i'm saying. what's serpentine? what is that, a white gang? [ light laughter ] >> seth: zig-zag. it's zig-zag. >> just say zig-zag. >> seth: ooh. >> rat bastard. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now, the reason i show that, the reason i show this -- >> it's so funny. >> seth: you met the actor. >> i met rickon, man. >> seth: and then you posted this video. and i am so happy. because, i think you thought he was actually rickon. >> yeah, man, and he had -- he told me the whole time we was talking, like, you know i'm not actually -- i'm not actually rickon. i was like, you rickon, [ bleep ]! did they get me? [ cheers ] >> seth: i don't know! oh, leslie. [ laughter ]
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>> it's 1:30. it's 1:30! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i should have known. i should have known! not to bring up rickon. >> it's 1:30. >> seth: it is 1:30. they're fine, we're fine. he was cool. >> oh, my gosh, he was so cool. he said he like the shishkabob. >> seth: so "ghostbusters." so "ghostbusters", this is a good movie for kids? right, "ghostbusters?" >> yeah. >> seth: whole family, right? >> yeah. [ light laughter ] they had some censors there, for real. [ light laughter ] >> seth: all right, so i want to do a, "game of thrones," "ghostbusters" question. who would win between white walkers and ghostbusters? >> i hate when people ask me stupid stuff like that. >> seth: oh, i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> okay, 'cause white walters involve ice. >> seth: okay. >> ghostbusters don't have ice equipment. okay? it's a whole -- that's just a whole different thing, man. >> seth: okay. so you did not appreciate my hypothetical?
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>> no, i don't! >> seth: all right. well, let's move on. >> 'cause i'm sitting here thinking, dang, how will we take him out, mean? dragon glass, i guess, hopefully have to build something with dragon glass in it. >> seth: yeah. >> okay, so then we could. [ talking over each other ] >> seth: see, see. >> i don't know why i even doubted us. >> seth: if you stick with a problem, you can solve a problem. i remember you and keenan were back in the dressing room last time keenan was on the show. and you were, you were talking about the stunts you did in the film. >> oh my god. >> seth: i feel like you maybe got more than you bargained for with how many stunts you had to do. >> man, first of all, the whole time, i to tell paul, i was like, yo, paul, i'm a comedian, yo. i'm a comedian! stop making me jump off stuff! [ laughter ] and he always would give me the key line, too. it would always be like, i'm a ghost buster. [ laughter ] [ moaning ] [ barking ]
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go get 'em ghostbusters. [ laughter ] >> seth: you don't need to be moving around like that. >> man, no. i'm too old for that. >> seth: but this, this is a real accomplishment. you got, madame tussaud's wax figures. this is excellent. i thought the first time i saw this, that this was a fan dressed up like you because it's so life like. that's really good. >> i, first of all, they sent me a picture. this particular picture doesn't have it, but they sent me one where i was sweating, like, the wax statue is sweating like i sweat? [ laughter ] i went up to her, i was like, why is it so mad? what? >> seth: so you don't like, you wish it was happier? >> no i'm not. it was just weird looking at myself, and i'm, like, when i'm dead, you gonna still be here. [ laughter ] i feel like i need to just like break in there with a lighter and just sit up under there.
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like, you ain't gonna outlive me. [ light laughter ] >> seth: that's your dying wish, is you're gonna melt it down. >> you ain't gonna outlive me. [ laughter ] >> seth: nobody is gonna outlive leslie jones, that's my theory. >> that's what i think because i'm a warlock. >> seth: now, will you stick around? [ light laughter ] are you really? >> i'm a warlock. and i know that's a male witch. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's all right. you're breaking down boundaries. stick around and so some cooking with me? >> yes. >> seth: yes, let's do it. all right, leslie jones, everybody! "ghostbusters" in theaters and imax 3d, we'll be right back. with carlo mirarchi. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late
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night," everybody. we are here with the chef, carlo mirarchi. the chef and co-owner of roberta's and blanca here in new york. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you, guys. >> seth: so great for being here. and now this is not -- >> we got a lot of stuff. >> seth: we've had a lot of chef's here, but this is not -- we've never seen this. >> this is not a pokemon. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: so it's alive? >> yes. safety first. >> seth: oh my goodness. >> leslie: i'll stay back here. >> seth: leslie, did you know that this was alive? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> so, this is a king crab. >> seth: uh-huh. [ cheers ] oh my goodness. so where is this from? [ laughter ] >> this is from -- >> seth: you are a ghostbuster, uld you behave? [ laughter ] >> leslie: no kill crabs. >> this is from norway. >> seth: okay, that's a norwegian -- >> yeah. [ laughter ] first things first, we're going to have a drink really quick. >> seth: okay, a drink. you want a drink? >> leslie: you just started drinking before you're cooking? >> it's 2:00 a.m. >> seth: yeah, it's 2:00 a.m., you got to have a drink. >> leslie: okay. well, i mean, sure.
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>> so this a is a drink we make at the restaurant, it's green juice with gin in it. >> seth: okay. so that's a drink you would order? >> leslie: gin? it's got gin in it? >> yep. >> leslie: gin always puts me on my back, son. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how much gin would you have to have to get involved with this? >> oh, it'd have to be a gang of gin. [ laughter ] >> leslie: that's a big ol' hat. what's that mean? >> seth: yeah, these are -- >> let's go, mamma mia. >> seth: all right, great. cheers, everybody. >> cheers. >> seth: oh! [ laughter ] >> so we got some prawns here, too. >> leslie: smooth! [ laughter ] >> yeah, it's a little strong. >> seth: so these are alive too? >> these are alive, too. >> seth: okay, great. you know, this is great, because this is always what i try to -- >> leslie: what is it? they got eyeballs, dude. >> >> seth: well, of course, they're creatures. >> leslie: you gotta take the eyes out, man. >> seth: this is -- >> leslie: i need another drink. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is, like, good late night food. >> yeah, totally. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: well, leslie and i, we used to write "snl" at 2:00 a.m., we'd be in out room, and i'd say, "what do you want to eat?" and you'd say, "a giant crab." [ laughter ] >> leslie: and a glass of green stuff with gin in it. >> seth: all right, great. so what are we doing with the shrimp? >> let's cook some stuff. >> seth: okay, great. >> all right. so we got crab, shrimp, scallops. >> leslie: what is that right there? >> that's sea urchin. >> leslie: who? >> seth: that's an urchin. >> yeah, that's urchin. that's a sea urchin. >> leslie: is urchin to eat? >> yes. >> seth: it's urchin. >> leslie: why's it got those prickly things on there? look like mexican balls. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that does not track, and don't try to make it track. >> leslie: no more green drink for me! >> seth: what are you doing? alright, here we go. >> can you pass me my drink, please? >> seth: yeah, here, we'll get your drink for you. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, so is that a scallop, there? >> and we got a scallop, too. >> leslie: ooh, that's strong! >> this is a live scallop. oh, thank you. >> leslie: wait a minute, that's a scallop? >> live scallop, yes. >> leslie: nice. is it alive? >> it was. >> leslie: oh, okay. >> this is kombu. >> seth: kombu? >> leslie: what? it's kombu. [ laughter ] >> seth: kombu! >> leslie: ooh, that smells good. can we eat it? >> so we cure the scallop in it a little bit.
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[ laughter ] oh, boy. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, so the scallop is going in. >> the scallop's going in the pan. >> seth: okay, is everything go in the pan? >> we'll see how much time we have. >> leslie: that's a good pan right there. >> seth: how long do you cook the scallop? >> just very, very quickly. just to get some color on it. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> leslie: you don't cook scallpos long. i saw that with chef ramsey. >> no, you don't. >> seth: try not to bring up rival chefs. [ laughter ] >> this is a little broth we're going to do with the scallop. >> leslie: what kind of broth is that? >> melon. >> leslie: like watermelon? why you don't just say watermelon? >> crenshaw melon. >> seth: it's crenshaw melon. >> yeah. >> leslie: from crenshaw like in california? [ laughter ] >> there you go. [ laughter ] >> seth: what? what do you like? what do you like? >> man, these white people be eating anything. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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>> seth: this is all totally normal. >> leslie: it's not normal. you got a big crab, here. >> seth: you didn't grow up in a white family. we have this every night. >> thank god. [ laughter ] 'cause i would have never ate. what -- look at this, though. look at this. look at this. >> seth: yeah. >> careful. >> leslie: look at this. >> leslie. >> seth: you just got urchin juice in the sauce. >> leslie: ooh, did i get urchin juice in your drink? >> no, it's okay. >> leslie: like you could tell the difference. [ laughter ] >> seth: this shrimp was fully alive when you put it in there, right? >> no. >> seth: okay, good. all right, great. >> leslie: you didn't take the eyeballs out. it's dead now, for real with that grease. >> so we got shrimp, we got a scallop -- >> leslie: that's not how we cook shrimp in compton. >> how do you cook shrimp in compton? >> leslie: we put some, like, flour on there, we get some corn meal, some salt and pepper. i haven't seen you pull out the salt and pepper yet. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think it's here. what are these? >> black lime. >> leslie: what? >> seth: black lime? okay? >> leslie: it's black? >> seth: is it a lime? >> it's a dried lime. >> seth: it's a dried lime. >> yeah.
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>> leslie: this is not a lime, dude. >> smell it. >> leslie: look how hard it is. >> smell it. >> leslie: it doesn't smell like lime. seth: it's good. >> leslie: it smells like coffee and chocolate. >> seth: that's good. >> leslie: man, if y'all could feel how hard this is, man. [ laughter ] that's a lime, though. >> seth: where did our scallop go? >> it's on the plate already. >> seth: oh great, so can we start it? >> we're getting there. >> leslie: what are we doing? >> we're getting there. >> seth: okay gotcha, we're waiting there. >> leslie: we're waiting on that shrimp with the eyeball to get done. >> okay, we got the shrimp, now. >> seth: how's our -- we got -- i can tell you, because we're live. we got about 90 seconds left. >> leslie: oh, we're live? >> 90 seconds or 90 minutes? >> leslie: yeah, man. >> seth: 90 seconds. >> all right. >> seth: all right, we got the shrimp. >> king crab. >> seth: king crab, we put that in there as well? >> really quick. >> seth: is that him? >> leslie: i think i'm drunk. >> that's a piece of him. >> seth: how many -- >> leslie: oh! did you see that? >> seth: how many servings of crab can you get? is a leg a serving? >> leslie: you going to kill him after this? after he performed with us, you're gonna kill him? >> this is really good, too. try this. >> leslie: he gotta get a s.a.g. check first. >> seth: his dreams -- >> it's good. it's good. >> leslie: what is that, the urchin? >> that's what we're talking about. no. try it.
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really? it's butter. it's just butter. >> leslie: that's not butter, dude. y'all be -- white people, man. there's something in there. i don't put that on toast. what is that? >> butter. it's good. >> leslie: now that do look kind of tasty. >> seth: yeah, there you go. [ laughter ] just a little patience, see what happens? >> leslie: i'll just have to drink a little bit of this green stuff. >> just a little bit of patience. >> seth: so now what do we do? >> urchin -- >> leslie: what's this? i want to know what that is. >> that's the kombu. >> seth: that's the kombu. >> that's this stuff, but it's wet. >> seth: okay, great. oh, that's the urchin. >> leslie: don't put that on -- see, you done messed up the dish. >> you don't have to eat it. all right, here we go. here we go. >> leslie: but what is it, though? like, i don't even understand why -- >> it's the gonad of this animal. >> leslie: so it's -- gonad, what do you mean? like the balls? >> the reproductive organ. >> seth: what made you think it was a good idea -- >> leslie: the reproductive organ? >> seth: --to tell leslie jones that it was the gonad? >> leslie: so you want me to eat a uterus? [ laughter ] >> seth: all right -- >> leslie: you serving up uterus. oh, okay. i am not going to eat a uterus, cuz. >> seth: this is going very
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well. [ laughter and applause ] oh my goodness, what's this? >> this is some flowers from the garden, some coriander. >> leslie: they ain't gonna put flowers in it. they're gonna put death in it. >> seth: all right, so we're going to eat this -- >> a little bit of salt. >> seth: --and then we'll be right back. >> leslie: you're gonna eat that. i'm not eating that. >> seth: i'm going to eat all of it. we'll be right back! chef carlo mirarchi, everybody. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: we had urchin during the break. leslie loved it. my thanks leslie jones, carlo mirarchi, atom willard, the 8g band. stay tunes for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. this has been live, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey, what's up, everybody? i'm carson daly coming to you from1


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