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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  October 16, 2019 12:37am-1:37am PDT

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♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- john mcenroe star of "unbelievable," actress, toni collette, music from the hold steady featuring the 8g band with terri lyne carrington. ♪ [ eers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news president trump announced today that he has fired national security adviser john bolton bolton will return to his previous job, speaking for the
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trees. [ laughter ] that's right president trump has fired national security adviser john bolton and you have to appreciate the irony of john bolton being taken out by a preemptive strike. [ light laughter ] so national security adviser john bolton is out no word yet on what he plans to do next. oh, man, the patriots? [ laughter ] president trump and vice president mike pence held a rally in north carolina last night ahead of the state's special congressional election though do you really need pence to pump up a crowd when you already have trump having trump and pence at a rally is like having the rock and malcolm gladwell help you move i think the rock can handle it at a campaign rally in north carolina, yesterday, president trump said the democrats are, quote, not big believers in religion. before adding, "unlike me, who loves -- what's his name you know, the boy who was born on christmas, in a trash can or
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whatever [ laughter and applause what was it? you know who i'm talking about [ cheers and applause jeekus." [ laughter ] according to a new survey, 34% of parents say their pet is their favorite child [ light laughter ] and the survey wasn't anonymous. [ laughter ] it's the 25th anniversary of the tv show "friends." and in response -- [ cheers and applause yeah yeah, a thing got old. and in response, the "new york times" ran an article this weekend titled why "friends" won't get rebooted but we think they should reboot and it and they should update it for 2019 here are a few episodes we think they might want to consider. ♪ the one where everyone finds out joey voted for trump [ laughter and applause the one where marcel the monkey gets me too'd. [ laughter ]
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the one where everyone finds out phoebe is not vaccinated [ laughter ] the one where chandler bing changes his name to chandler google [ laughter ] the one where phoebe accidentally qualifies for the democratic debate. [ laughter ] the one where ross grows a man bun. [ laughter ] the one where there's a blackout so they all stay in and try fentanyl [ laughter ] the one where ross accidentally tweets a [ bleep ] pic [ laughter ] and finally, the one where they suddenly have to pay an appropriate rent for their apartment. [ laughter ] this has been "friends" episodes for 2019 [ cheers and applause in an effort to improve its reputation, spirit airlines yesterday unveiled new seats that will be available to customers in november. and i think it will help because the new seats are on united airlines [ laughter ] that's right spirit airlines has unveiled new
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seats that will be unveiled in november in the meantime, passengers are advised to hang on to the straps [ laughter ] apple, today held an event to unveil the iphone 11 which will come in black, white, yellow, green, purple and red. coincidentally, those are the same colors that racist people say they don't care if you are [ laughter ] and finally, mcdonald's locations in philadelphia will be selling shamrock shakes this month to celebrate the start of the philadelphia eagles football season while mcdonald's locations in new york will be selling burgers that fell on the ground to celebrate the jets [ laughter and applause ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight he is a hall of fame tennis player and was a commentator at this year's u.s. open. john mcenroe is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause she is starring in the upcoming powerful new netflix series, "unbelievable. toni collette is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause and back to perform on the show, we will have music from one of my favorite bands.
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the hold steady is here, everyone [ cheers and applause so, it's a great night before we get to all of our fantastic guests, here at "late night," every night i deliver a monologue comprised of jokes written by a diverse team of writers. as a result, a lot of jokes come across my desk that due to my being a straight, white male would be difficult for me to deliver. we don't think that should stop you from enjoying them, so we'd like to share them with you now in a segment called "jokes seth can't tell." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: these are two of our writers, amber and jenny >> i'm black >> and i'm gay >> and we're both women. >> seth: and i'm not so here's how this works i will read the set-ups for these jokes and amber and jenny will read the punch lines. here we go two male penguins in the berlin zoo have adopted an abandoned egg. >> while two lesbian penguins opened an independent book store. [ laughter ] >> seth: fast food chain popeye's recently began selling their first ever chicken sandwich
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>> "it's too spicy," said white people, about the bun. [ laughter ] >> seth: north carolina recently banned state funding for gay conversion therapy because research has proven you can't turn someone straight. >> but you can turn them gay by showing them women's soccer. [ laughter ] >> seth: jenny, tell me why do lesbians like soccer >> we like anything that lets us keep our hands free. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> seth: oh, oh. okay according to a recent article, d.c. comics is planning to introduce a black batman >> black batman is like regular batman except he only responds to the wu-tang symbol. [ laughter ] >> seth: a microbiologist has found that men's beards contain bacteria similar to those found in fecal matter. >> even worse, they contain men. [ laughter ] >> seth: hey that joke offends me >> why you've never had a beard >> seth: neither have you. >> yes, i have i took him to prom and his name
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was mike >> seth: oh. [ light laughter ] in a recent study, scientists have figured out why there are so many black squirrels in the u.s. >> it turns out they were brought here against their will to prop up the economic system set up by white squirrels. [ laughter ] you can learn more about it in the film 12 years a squirrel [ laughter ] >> seth: sorry, did you think that joke was going to work? >> much like the people who organized the slave trade, i didn't really put a lot of thought into the consequences. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] a lesbian couple recently surprised a broadway audience by getting married on stage at the end of the show. >> the couple had met at intermission [ laughter ] >> seth: i don't get it. >> lesbians commit really quickly. >> hey, jenny, how quickly do lesbians commit? >> lesbians commit so quickly, their second date is at a fertility clinic >> oh! >> lesbians commit so quickly, third base is signing a lease. >> oh! >> lesbians commit so quickly, when you get a girl's a number
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in a bar, you put it in your phone as fiance. >> oh! [ light laughter ] >> seth: lesbians commit quickly, guys. [ cheers and applause kansas city recently celebrated its first black restaurant week. >> a black restaurant is like a white restaurant except you'll eat what i give you. [ laughter ] >> seth: hey, amber, do you have a favorite black restaurant? >> i do. >> seth: will you bring me sometime >> why you want to go somewhere where no one has ever heard of you [ laughter ] [ audience oohs >> hey, seth, why don't you tell one? >> seth: no, i couldn't! >> come on, just one >> seth: i feel like it won't end well >> oh, come on do it! >> seth: okay. if you guys tell me it will be okay i trust you both the north l.a. gay and lesbian film festival opened last week and if there's one thing lesbians love, it's an opening [ laughter ] [ audience oohs
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>> how dare you! >> seth: you told me it would be okay >> you should be ashamed of yourself >> seth: black women and lesbians are liars ♪ [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with john mcenroe, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ tremfya® helps adults with moderate to severe plaque psoriasis uncover clearer skin that can last. in fact, tremfya® was proven superior to humira® in providing significantly clearer skin. tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. serious allergic reactions may occur. tremfya®. uncover clearer skin that can last. janssen can help you explore cost support options. (mom, whispering) shh, shh, shhh... thank you!
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so, we got griswalda. dinner's almost ready. but one thing we could both agree on was getting geico to help with our renters insurance. yeah, switching and saving was really easy! drink it all up. good! could have used a little salt. visit geico.com and see how easy saving on renters insurance can be.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: welcome back, everybody. give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause back with us tonight on drums, she's a multi-grammy award-winning artist and founder of the berkeley institute of jazz and gender justice be sure to check out "waiting grame" -- "waiting game," excuse me, her forthcoming album with her band social science, which comes out november 8th terri lyne carrington, everybody! [ cheers and applause thank you so much for being here, terri.
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>> seth: our first guest tonight is the legendary tennis player and seven-time grand slam singles champion who just served as a commentator for espn at the 2019 u.s. open please welcome to the show, john mcenroe, everyone ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: how are you >> i am exhilarated to be here >> seth: i thank you very much >> right exhausted a little bit from the last couple weeks. but it ended with a blast. i mean, it was amazing match in the final. >> seth: well -- >> and serena got to the final so that was good >> seth: it was a great u.s. open it's obviously very exciting to have tennis in new york city you mentioned both exhilaration and exhaustion and i feel like that must have been what it felt like sunday night with a five-hour men's final. you were in the booth with your brother, patrick >> yes >> seth: do you ever -- did you feel an exhaustion setting in on yourself or did you feel the excitement of the match
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>> i have -- if you get exhausted watching two guys battle like that, there's something wrong with you [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> you're a little sick in the head >> seth: yeah. >> and for us, you know, the men, to go at it like that i mean, i played matches -- a couple matches longer than that, so i get it. and i respect it so i was having a great time we know there is a tie breaker in the fifth set so it could only go another 20, 30 minutes [ light laughter ] what's another half-hour so it was -- it ended great. >> seth: and what -- do you feel like the energy in new york city for a match like that is different than any other place where you have a major final like this? >> without question. did anyone see the final [ cheers and applause i was lucky enough to be part of five u.s. open finals. and that may have been one of the loudest, if not the loudest, when this, you know, medvedev, this russian guy, came back and took it to a fifth set so it inspires the players, obviously. it's absolutely incredible we need a shot in the arm for our sport. we -- the women are doing well but, you know, the men - thank you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause
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i do have four daughters and two boys so i -- you know, how much it means now that the playing field is more level in women's game in our sport than any other sport you know, you talked about -- i've heard that soccer joke. >> seth: yeah. >> that was just -- the previous - >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> basketball. there's no football. you know, they're getting paid 1/20, 1/50 what the men do in tennis, exactly the same. equal prize money. [ cheers and applause >> seth: what -- if you were -- it's absolutely true and it's exactly as exciting going into the finals. and there were two great stories this year. you mentioned the men needed a shot in the arm. what do you think it is that's lacking right now for the men's game >> well, i think our best athletes have the tendency to play american football and basketball, obviously. so we have -- we need to do a better job giving more kids the opportunity to play. it's too expensive you know, i have tennis academy at randall's island. i try to raise money with the charity. get as many kids as possible it's got to be a cool factor too. i think we had that a bit in the '70s and '80s when i was playing.
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not just because i was playing [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, well, but let's be honest, yeah. well, one thing we were talking about earlier today, knowing you were coming on the show, you know, i feel like the prime of a tennis player in the '70s was a lot shorter than it is now you know, it just seems like the way health and fitness has changed. the way even equipment has changed. for a shorter period of time that guys in the '70s were playing, you had such a huge impact on the game and i do feel like there was a huge cool factor to what you were all doing >> i think we were the doing -- the problem we were doing -- we were performance detracting drugs. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, yeah, performance -- yeah, nothing you were doing made you better at tennis. >> we tried to burn a candle at both ends. and, you know, it works for a while. but it catches up to you a little sooner. these guys are incredible. they got great teams people understand how to recover quicker, et cetera but that was a great time in tennis there was a lot of personality you need that in a one on one sport. that's why people gravitate toward this medvedev guy >> seth: yeah. >> he embraced being the bad guy, which is something that i sort of wish djokovic would do a little bit more of >> seth: yeah. >> play the villain.
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we need a villain. i know nothing about being a villain. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> but, you know, he -- and people, the fans got behind him at the end >> seth: you -- of course you were -- you were literally -- the fact that you were known for a little bit of bad behavior was it ever -- [ laughter ] >> just a little bit >> seth: was it genuinely that you were losing a temper you couldn't control or was there some gamesmanship to it? was it a strategy to getting in the head of your opponent by losing your temper with, say, the judge? >> well, if it -- all it takes to get in the head of an opponent is you getting -- telling a judge that he sucks, okay >> seth: yeah. >> what are the odds of the umpire giving me the next call i mean, if he tells this guy he's a bum, you know, the next -- he's going to go, "i'll show that mcenroe. so, to me, that was sour grapes if that's all it took. >> seth: right, right. >> with all the goes and on -- like, say in a football game on sunday, you think they're saying, "hello, how are you," on the field? or basketball? there's a lot of trash talking we used to do more of that i'd like to see a little bit more in the tennis [ laughter ] >> seth: so there was genuine trash talk
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of course, one of your rivals -- bjorn borg, there you are there. and he is genuinely a dear friend of yours now, yes >> i love him. hopefully, he loves me he's probably -- he's probably the only guy that i didn't have problems with on the court >> seth: oh, so you never had an issue with him >> we never had a problem. he took me, you know, under his wing in a way. and i got respect because of that 'cause he was already, like, a god. you know, he was like federrer at the time. you know, everyone loved him and he was this great looking guy. dressed right, the girls loved him. so i was like, "i want to be like him." [ laughter ] >> seth: and he was the only guy who was nice to you. do you feel like that means he was a good judge of character? or just a bad judge? [ laughter ] was it a blind spot that he was like, "i like this mcenroe kid"? >> what do you think [ laughter ] >> seth: so the first time you go to wimbledon, is it - are you 17 years old are you -- >> i was 18. >> seth: 18 years old. >> the first time i went yeah >> seth: and you talked about how guys have great teams now. and there's -- you know, nutrition has, obviously, advanced so much but what was it like -- the tour did not take care of you in the same way then -- >> no. >> seth: -- as it does now >> you know, it was an
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incredible time in england in the '70s you know, punk was breaking out. people were getting on me. you know, i -- it was like oil and water. me, a new york kid i mean, you're screaming and yelling all the time people are, you know -- they give you their opinion, right? >> seth: yeah. over there they're much more reserved they're very proper. i was like, "what's wrong with these people?" [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> you know, they're so well behaved here and so, you know, we clashed right away but i got a lot of support i got to say, like, if you walked down the equivalent of, well, i don't know what street you can -- kings road in london. it would be lexington. i don't know >> seth: yeah. >> and they got a lot of support. there was, like, some freaky people around. but they were supportive the establishment in the papers which were owned by rupert murdoch you may know him >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> they were giving me a very hard time. and there's a lot more newspapers in london than there are here there was 15 local papers. so that makes it where they're looking to get you >> seth: did you -- were you somebody that -- you know, you're 18 years old. and you were suppose to -- your first run to, i think, the semifinals >> semifinals. >> seth: so that was kind of
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unexpected, right? you were actually supposed to be there to play in the juniors >> right >> seth: you ended up going on a sort of unexpected run were you somebody then who would read the paper i mean, you're in london having this incredible run. you're 18 years old. >> initially, i read it. i thought it was the funniest thing ever i thought these people don't get it what's their problem i'm the one out there. you know, how -- why are they reacting this way? but when i came home and everyone was like, "hey you the brat that -- you know, jerk that" -- and i'm like, "what do you mean? i'm the same person. so it just -- you know, actually, that completely changed my life. you know, that first trip to europe and then in london and it just got -- it went on from there for about five years. 'til i finally won the event >> seth: yeah. >> and i said, "i'm" - >> seth: so that's '81 you went -- yeah >> i said, "i'm never coming back to this god damn place again. [ laughter ] "these people are so full of it." >> seth: is this wimbledon is this winning at wimbledon >> my first wimbledon. >> seth: there you go. >> yeah. [ cheers ] >> seth: yeah, there you go. >> it was a long time ago. >> seth: it was a long time ago. and what was it like -- i mean, i think the u.s. tennis takes better player -- care of its
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players now even just with where they stay when you, you know, when you travel for these tournaments. what was it like when you were that young going over -- >> well, they actually gave me about $500 for a seven-week trip >> seth: really? >> seth: and that excluded my hotel room >> seth: uh-huh. >> no coach. >> seth: yeah. >> you know, good luck we wish you the best i went to paris first. i spent three weeks in paris, which i don't speak french i wish i did and it's a great city, obviously. but it was like, "what the hell's going on here?" but it helped -- i think it gave me more hunger >> seth: sure. >> you got to be able to handle things on your own these kids are pampered and spoiled, and, you know, they're not as hungry to me. you know, the top american players. so we need to get hungry players that, you know, want to be there. and athletes, you know, 'cause the game is so fast now. >> seth: i feel like hungry new yorkers is always a good thing to have around if you're looking to have a bit of character on the court. [ laughter ] >> i think it is a very good start. >> seth: yeah, i think its a very good start. you -- if you were the commissioner of tennis, what would be things would you change to make it -- to improve the fan experience >> no linesmen >> seth: uh-huh.
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>> i think would be an incredible thing because if you had the players calling their own lines, ill probably never hap but there would be so much more of that trash talking. "and you're cheating!" [ laughter ] and we need that in a one on one game >> seth: so you want to take rules away [ laughter ] >> well, you still have a challenged system. >> seth: yeah. >> so you can call people out, and i think the fans would get much more involved >> seth: got you so - >> and we need to quicken the match too, >> seth: how would you quicken the matches? >> you know, play lets on the serve. you could do something where the changeovers don't take place every, you know, two games >> seth: yeah. >> you had to deal with people that, you know, espn wants to go to a commercial. but soccer, they break at the end of the half. i mean, there's ways to quicken this up. that i think -- or shorten the best of five you know, men play for five -- and don't you think that four hours was enough >> seth: yeah, right [ laughter ] >> instead of five hours so i think mentally it is tough for players. and these guys were like -- two were incredible on sunday. then you can stick with and federer and djokovic at wimbledon went five hours. >> seth: yeah. >> they made a tiebreaker at 12 all on the fifth set, which is the first time ever in the
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history of tennis that that's happened unbelievable but that's, like, super human. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause did you -- where do you stand -- i feel like you have an opinion on grunting in tennis. where do you stand on it >> well, you know, i'm not a -- as you get older you understand that grunting becomes more a part of your reality >> seth: right, right, yeah. [ laughter ] >> but, you know, some of the players, obviously, i don't want to mention names, maria sharapova. >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> it's gotten so bad that you can't, to me, get behind someone like that because it just feels like it's so distracting and i think that she's capable of not doing it, potentially [ laughter ] as an example -- i mean, i think it can be better so i'm not big on the grunting sometimes, you know, at the end of a 20, 30-shot rally, you understand it -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- you know, they're trying -- they're sucking some air. but other times it's, you know, as you said, they're using to it throw off their opponent >> seth: got you you -- i do want to point out a feet of accuracy that rafael nadal did after one of the earlier matches. we have a clip of it he hit a tennis ball into the booth with you and chris fowler. let's take a look real quick
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[ cheers and applause >> that one's gone straight into the booth. oh, yes. it's found its way in there. >> seth: you kept your cool very well there [ cheers and applause >> well, first of all, that was, you know, great touch from rafa. you know >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> that's not as easy as it looks. but second of all, fowler should have got out of the way. >> seth: yeah. >> he's a good play by play guy. but let they athlete catch the ball [ laughter ] >> seth: exactly i agree with that. by the way, you said that's not as easy as that looked it did not look easy to me at all. [ laughter ] you give me a thousand tries, i would not get in it there. what -- the other thing about the u.s. open is, of course, is i would -- more celebrities than you tend to see at most tennis matches. when you were playing, were you aware of that? were you ever cognizant of who was in the stands? >> of course, you know >> seth: yeah. >> i had louis armstrong, which is the smaller court now but it used to hold about 20,000 it used to have, you know, celebrities on the court my dad loved it. you know, 'cause he'd be sitting
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next to jack nicholson >> seth: right, right, right >> you know, i'm like, "you kidding me i'm not going to get pumped up if jack nicholson and keith richards are sitting there? [ laughter ] you know, like -- and i'm like, "this is incredible. so, i mean, it's so -- to me it's unbelievably motivating i mean, obviously, you're motivated in the first place but when you take a look at these guys, you're like, "they're here to come see me play tennis? >> seth: yeah. >> "you better dig in harder." >> seth: did you first meet keith richards at a tennis match? >> i actually first met keith richards him at a concert of his and we, you know, got together before the show. >> seth: uh-huh. >> i stumbled to my seats. [ laughter ] i said, "how is this guy going to perform?" and he acted like he had a glass of water [ laughter ] and then, you know, he came to madison square garden when i was playing. and i get this, you know, tap on my shoulder. him and ronnie wood are there. they've come to see me play. and it's during the match on the changeover [ laughter ] so, no one is suppose to get close to you and i get this tap-tap and i'm about to go, "get the hell out of here!" and i look back, and i'm like -- he goes, "it's ronnie.
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how are you? [ laughter ] the jolt of adrenaline i got was so amazing that i beat the guy six-love in that set >> seth: that's fantastic. [ cheers and applause i mean, i would think if a rolling stone says hello - >> of course >> seth: you have a show coming up on netflix. you're doing a show with mindy kaling >> oh, yeah. now i'm supposed to not forget the name of it because they just told me today. >> seth: "never have i ever. >> thank you >> seth: you're welcome. [ laughter ] >> i had it in my pocket but then - >> seth: yeah, i know. they told me once backstage and i remembered [ laughter ] >> well, you -- you're younger than i am. >> seth: i am. that's true. >> but this is, i mean, who would have thought >> seth: yeah. >> for me. i'm the narrator of this -- a series that's coming netflix in 2020 apparently - [ cheers and applause yeah, thank you. apparently -- mindy kaling's awesome, obviously >> seth: yeah. [ cheers ] >> you know, we know -- her -- but her parents were big tennis fans >> seth: uh-huh. >> growing up in india >> seth: yeah. >> and so they used to watch me play, you know, way back when, when the guy -- that guy borg, and connors and others >> seth: yeah. >> so all of a sudden i get this
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call and eventually meet mindy and say, "would you like to be the narrator of this series? i say, "are you kidding me?" >> seth: that's fantastic. that's also, i mean, let's be honest, you could play five hour tennis matches or you could get that easy money, which is just being a narrator i mean - [ laughter ] you just roll into the booth say your lines >> bingo, bingo. >> seth: yeah, exactly you earned it. you've had a long career >> you know, i -- you know, do you have one second? >> seth: yeah, of course i have as many seconds as you want >> because -- one -- when i was about 25, i got fed up with people coming up to me and, you know, "can't i just go anywhere and walk around?" so i decided to wear a disguise. >> seth: okay. >> so i dressed up as jimmy hendrix. >> seth: you thought you'd get bothered less? >> yeah, no one bothered me at all. and i went into this art store i saw this tapestry i liked. and i said to the person, "how much is it?" and they said, "are you john mcenroe?" [ laughter ] and i go, "how did you know? and they go, "i recognize your voice. so for the past 35 years, i've been waiting to get this job as a narrator [ laughter ] because people recognize my voice!
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[ cheers and applause >> seth: there it is that's been the money maker this whole time >> finally >> seth: finally i have one last show business thing on ask you i showed this photo earlier. there was a film a few years ago where shia labeouf played you. there's shia as young mcenroe. [ laughter ] it's really fantastic how well they matched it. did you see it >> i did see it. i wasn't involved which was disappointing. they didn't, you know -- [ laughter ] i never spoke to shia labeouf. >> seth: got you >> and so i felt like that was -- hurt the movie a little bit. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> but i've got to say, the only part -- i thought sheoufiaab did a pretty good job, actually. >> seth: yeah. >> the only problem is he has no muscles in his legs. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, yeah. that's true. that is a very - >> i said, "i have muscles, okay!" >> seth: that's a very hard thing to fake for an actor >> so that hurt. >> seth: there you go. >> but besides that, it was, you know, how often you get -- you know, you go -- where a movie is made about you >> seth: yeah, that's fantastic. >> got to look at the bright side >> seth: there you go. and now you're doing voice over work it's all happening for john mcenroe >> a narrator. >> seth: narrator. i'm sorry. >> i'm not -- narrator >> seth: i did not mean to offend you [ laughter ] give it up for john mcenroe, everybody! we'll be right back with
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: our next guest is an emmy- and golden globe-winning actor. you know her from "united states of tara" and films like "the sixth sense" and "hereditary." she stars in netflix limited series "unbelievable" which begins streaming friday. let's take a look. >> it's no one's fault entirely. that's the problem no one's accountable no one is looking at this data about violence against women i mean, what if men were raped at the rate women are? what if taggart was worried a stranger was gonna [ bleep ] him in the ass when he's walking home from the grocery store at night? >> this man is helping us. this is man is stepping up >> okay. but where is his outrage >> seth: please welcome to the show toni collette, everyone [ cheers and applause ♪
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>> seth: hi, toni. how are you? >> how are you >> seth: i'm wonderful it's so lovely to have you here. >> oh, it's a pleasure to be here last time i saw you, you didn't have your show yet so, i know it's been a while, and everybody loves you, but congratulations. >> seth: thank you so much >> happy to be a part of it. [ laughter ] >> seth: we met -- so we actually met in the hallway at "snl." >> that's true >> seth: i did not remember this but i -- i guess i was - >> you were so kind. i was busting for the loo. >> seth: yes [ laughter ] >> and i kind of sneaked out i don't know who was on, but i was -- i gotta find it, and, you're like, "can i help you?" 'cause i must have looked lost >> seth: yeah. >> and i'm like, "i need the bathroom," and you're like "it's down the hall, up some stairs, down the stairwell, up, around, left, left." i was like, "my head was spinning," 'cause it's so labyrinthine out there and then you're very kind. he opened the room to his dressing room and said, "just use mine." so sweet [ laughter ] >> seth: you're very welcome >> yeah. >> seth: and then i put a plaque up and i said -- that said, "toni collette used this bathroom." >> t.c. pissed here. [ laughter ]
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>> seth: congratulations on this show >> aww, thank you so much. >> seth: i've watched the first couple of episodes it's -- i mean, it's a very serious subject matter >> it sure is. >> seth: it's a true story about female detectives who are after a serial rapist. it's you and mary weaver and there are two things that i think are really unique about it one, it's a show with two females detectives, and two, it really takes a lot of time to listen to the survivors tell their stories. is there more pressure when you go into a project like this that is based on something that actually happened? >> oh, my god, yes it -- it's a huge responsibility and you really want to do it justice. i mean, i'm even reluctant to call it a story. it is a true story these people experienced this. you know and yeah, it's not just about the detectives it really follows kaitlyn -- >> seth: dever >> -- dever. brilliant. and she plays young girl who's -- who's kind of being brought up in the foster care system and her life's just beginning to be hopeful, and she's attacked in her new apartment. and so it follows her and her experience
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she went to the police it took a lot of guts to go and report it. and they ended up accusing her of a false report. so it was just trauma upon trauma for her, and then concurrently these two detectives are kind of moving toward proving her innocence >> seth: it's a really -- it is also, you know, not just a heavy subject matter it's really an interesting narrative structure because it does have these two things sort of coming together and -- and while it's very serious, obviously, one thing that i thought was cool is you do have a kick-ass car in the show [ laughter ] and i think all detectives should have a kick-ass car and that is yours. [ laughter ] did you enjoy driving it >> oh, hell yeah i loved that muscle car. i mean, it's a gas guzzler, which is not cool, but it was -- it was fantastic and it's very representative of my character she's really ballsy, really forthright, and really capable >> seth: now you, though, this is also -- [ cheers and applause >> wow >> seth: -- it is true you that you like to drive a car pretty fast is that accurate >> i like to drive, yeah >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] was this something that you believed would maybe be a career back in the day?
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>> i'll tell you what happened, seth meyers. [ laughter ] when i -- "muriel's wedding" is a film i did it was the second film i ever did. i was on - >> seth: "muriel's wedding." [ cheers and applause >> and so i was invited to drive in a celebrity grand prix race in adelaide, south australia, and we had - [ cheers ] well, hello fellow aussies i had a couple --- we all had a couple weeks of training it was all just women, actually. and i just went for it i loved it and then after that, i was actually offered to drive professionally for the female bmw team >> seth: wow >> yeah. [ cheers and applause >> seth: and what happened >> my agents at the time said, "no [ bleep ] way. [ laughter ] you want to die tomorrow?" >> seth: it's great -- "muriel's wedding" is 25 years old >> i know, yes >> seth: that is so insane >> yeah, i know. >> seth: that movie was a revelation first of all, i don't think i've seen many australian films, to be honest. >> right yeah, there was a wave at the time with like, "strictly ballroom" -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- "priscilla," and "muriel's wedding. yeah >> seth: and did you have any sense going into it that is was
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gonna be that -- >> no, no. >> seth: yeah. >> i was just happy not to be delivering pizzas. >> seth: yeah. >> like -- [ laughter ] no, it was hugely life changing. i cannot believe it's 25 years later. in fact, the academy in l.a., they're hosting a screening to celebrate its anniversary this friday night so >> seth: that's wonderful. [ cheers and applause >> yes, it's very kind and i'm honored. >> seth: you -- you have two kids, yes? >> i do, yeah. >> seth: and you -- i heard you took a road trip last year through the south. you went to dolly world. >> yeah. dollywood, man get it right >> seth: dollywood oh, my god i'm so sorry dolly, please forgive me [ laughter ] dollywood, yes >> i know. i'd wanted to go for such a long time, like since -- i lived in new york in '99-2000 i did a broadway musical and i talked with some friends about going, and i still hadn't been so last year, we were living in l.a we knew we were gonna be moving back to australia and we kind of had a last hooray through the south and dollywood was definitely a highlight >> seth: did it live up to everything you wanted it to be >> those rollers coasters are no joke [ laughter ] they [ bleep ] all over every other theme park they're so scary >> seth: really? >> yes >> seth: that -- see, i wouldn't think of that.
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i don't think of - >> neither did it. >> seth: -- dolly parton as like terrifying thrills >> going hard. >> seth: yeah. >> i know. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, there you go. >> well it's also really nice. they have live music being played around the park it's really vely >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: although again, i don't think of live music and then people being like, "ahh! [ laughter ] now i hope the stereotype is true, or it seems to me it's true -- that australians travel like nobody else >> well, it's so far from everywhere else -- >> seth: yeah. >> -- that when you leave you might as well just keep going for a long time. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's true like, when you meet an australian on vacation, you realize they're like six months into it and they have six months to go. [ laughter ] >> yes >> seth: that's how it's always been for me. >> pretty much >> seth: but you -- so you traveled a lot - >> i have, yeah. >> seth: -- when you were younger. and now explain to me that -- you would shave your head? is this a thing that is true >> i've shaved my head five times. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and what brought to you shave your head? >> ah. i find it very cleansing >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. i mean, the first time i did it, it was my 25th birthday. >> seth: yeah. >> i was in mexico i had too much tequila, and i trusted this guy -- his kind of plump hands. i thought, "he's doing it. [ laughter ]
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the next time i did it was for a friend's -- actually, i'd been in nepal in india with her, and her fashion show was inspired by the hill tribes of nepal so she asked me to be in it and i shaved my head then. then i met my husband, and three days into what was -- what we now know is a relationship, i shaved my head to test him to see if he still liked me when i look like that [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> seth: wait, three - >> days. >> seth: three days? >> yeah. >> seth: why -- why did you want to test him so quickly >> i could have done it on day two. [ laughter ] >> seth: you gave him a grace period so that's three. do you remember the other ones >> i did one in a peter greenaway film >> seth: okay. >> and then more recently, i think it was about five years ago now i made a film called "miss you already" with drew barrymore >> seth: yeah. >> and it was shaved for my character who had cancer >> seth: and so now do you think that you -- is that it do you think you're done now >> well, my hair -- a few weeks ago my hair was this long. >> seth: okay, got you >> i could be here bald right now but i decided i should only go to here
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>> seth: thank you [ laughter ] there's one last thing i believe you've seen it but i want to show it. our friend john early. >> yeah. >> seth: he's a wonderful comedian >> oh, he's so lovely. >> seth: he was a guest on the show, and one thing he really wanted to do on the show was his toni collette impression he felt it was very strong and he does an impression of you in "the sixth sense." >> can't wait. >> seth: and i played in the clip -- i took over -- >> were you haley? >> seth: i was haley joel osment. [ laughter ] and he was toni collette and if you would just like to look over there, we would love to show you john early's impression of you. >> what did you ask her? [ laughter ] >> i asked her - >> oh, my god. what is that >> do i make her proud [ laughter and applause >> he's hilarious. >> seth: he is hilarious next time you can do an impression of him. >> yeah, very gladly, actually >> seth: we will make sure we give you time. thank you so much. this is toni collette, everybody. >> thank you [ cheers and applause >> seth: "unbelievable" begins streaming on friday on netflix we'll be right back with music
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♪ >> announcer: for more "late night" go to latenightseth.com follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook head over to itunes to subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast you'll get "a closer look" and more downloaded right to your phone. ♪ imagination looks like... [laughs] i mean, wow. ♪ the surface is a tool that helps me realize beautiful ideas. ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: performing "denver haircut" from their new album "thrashing through the passion," please welcome the hold steady, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ he shaved his hea at the airport in a bar at th end to the concourse ♪ ♪ he said you're kind o catching me at a transitional time ♪
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♪ i'm a bright ligh burning into a dark horse ♪ ♪ she said i'll strap on the saddl and i'm sorry bu this city's a cesspool ♪ ♪ i've kissed and i've cackled wit half of these jackals ♪ ♪ still couldn' get any jet fuel ♪ ♪ walked her ou to the taxis took her out t some parties ♪ ♪ found a man with handful huddle over some car keys ♪ ♪ it doesn't have to be pure it doesn't hav to be perfect ♪ ♪ just sort o has to be worth it ♪ ♪ ♪ a residence inn a the top of the exi you pay the admissio and here's what you get ♪ ♪ the stench of death in the credits the montage set to "the time of your life" ♪ ♪ a shot in the dark in
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a bar that's too brigh a window sucking up all th available light right ♪ ♪ and a clock on the be stand with a cor to connect it ♪ ♪ liberty and justice and the master of puppets ♪ ♪ rolling off o the mattress waking up on the carpet ♪ ♪ it shouldn't have to be perfect ♪ ♪ ♪ he can't read the paper it's not worth the trouble ♪ ♪ finds out about funeral from the blast of the bugles ♪ ♪ wherever he goes he alway orders the usual he likes to se what they'll bring him ♪ ♪
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♪ in five hours on the carpe he visits si different planets ♪ ♪ on a spaceship shaped like a gibson marauder the pilot kinda looked like kirk hammett ♪ ♪ ♪ while he was floating in space that chic took his wallet ♪ ♪ wasn't really a dat wasn't sure what to call it ♪ ♪ that same stupid feelin but he likes his new haircut ♪ ♪ it doesn't have to be pure it doesn't hav to be perfect ♪ ♪ just sort of ha to be worth it ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: the hold steady, everyone their album "thrashing through the passion" is out now. go to theholdsteady.net for show dates. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: my thanks to john mcenroe, toni collette, the hold steady, everybody [ cheers and applause terri lyne carrington and, of course, the 8g band. see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ♪ >> lilly: tonight on "a little late with lily singh", from the hit show "euphoria", barbie ferreira and alexa demie. [ cheers and applause so we're going to, like, hang out after this, right? >> we are? [ light laughter ] >> lilly: yeah i want to party with you guys. you know, go to a rave, paint our faces, do some crank [ laughter ] >> crank >> what's crank? >> lilly: you don't know what crank is

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