tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC October 18, 2019 11:34pm-12:37am PDT
finally, better late than never. a book was just returned. >> oh, no. >> just seven decades. >> 70 years? >> seven is decades overdues. jean durham said she found the book. her mother had checked out "laid of the lake" in 19 ha and forget to return it. no fine. no word on why she forget to return to the book. she could have been diskrakted by the end of world war ii. >> it's in great condition. >> have a great weekend. >> bye-bye. >> we now return to the white house, where president trump is speaking to members of the press. >> jimmy: thank me, thank me you're - [ cheers and applause
you're very happy to be here you're very happy to be here [ light laughter ] welcome back to my terrible, awful, no good, very unfair week in office [ light laughter ] i got to tell you, folks, donny's not a happy president right now, no. [ laughter ] impeachment is heating up. the stock market's going down. and worst of all, nickelback's mad at me. [ laughter ] not only that, the media has been very mean to me, very mean and very nasty [ laughter ] very mean, and very, very nasty. [ laughter ] they keep saying i'm unhinged. which is completely untrue, because everyone knows that i've never been hinged [ laughter ] i'm like one of those folding accordion doors, folks you know the ones you find at a cheap massage parlor with the little magnets on the side [ light laughter ] just like that cheap massage parlor, you don't know what's going on inside, but you know it's not good. [ laughter ]
but anyway, i've learned my lesson this week don't ask ukraine for dirt on joe biden. [ light laughter ] that's why today i asked china for dirt on joe biden. [ laughter ] that's true. i did, folks in fact i got the intelligence report from china right now. it's right on my desk. let's see it here it is [ laughter ] someone gave it to me. [ cheers and applause it says, "deep trouble lies ahead for you. [ laughter ] in bed [ laughter and applause must be talking about joe biden. anyway, and in closing, if i'm going down, i'm doing it khaleesi style i'm burning this place to the ground [ light laughter ] oh, and one last thing, coming from new york, i'm jimmy fallon, this is "the tonight show! [ cheers and applause it starts right now. let's do it! come on! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from 30 rockefeller plaza here in new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon."
and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: thank you very much. welcome, everybody please, have a seat. welcome, everybody welcome to "the tonight show," everyone thank you for being here taylor swift is my guest tonight. [ cheers and applause i saw taylor backstage i was like, "oh, my god, i'm so glad you're here." and then her security tackled me and said, "jimmy, you need to calm down." [ light laughter ] actually, everything happening in washington right now feels like a taylor swift song democrats knew trump was trouble when he walked in. [ light laughter ] now they have "bad blood" and nancy pelosi is like, "look what you made me do. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
well, just when it felt like this impeachment scandal couldn't get any crazier, trump spoke to reporters this morning and got himself into even more trouble. he's already in trouble for asking ukraine to investigate the bidens so, you think he'd stop there. but as you know trump is gonna trump. [ light laughter ] check out what happened. >> likewise, china should start an investigation into the bidens because what happened in china is just about as bad as what happened with ukraine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: trump turned to his staff, and was like, "are you losers happy i didn't say it over the phone this time? staff was like, "sir, you can't say that." trump was like, "what are they going to do, impeach me twice? [ light laughter ] meanwhile, nancy pelosi is thinking, "damn, one more outburst like that, and we could have this impeachment wrapped up by halloween. [ light laughter ] it's crazy in the middle of being investigated for asking foreign countries for election help, trump publicly asked foreign countries for election help. [ laughter ] that's like chugging a beer while taking a breathalyzer test it's - [ laughter ] right after that, the
chairwoman of the federal election commission released a a statement that said, "let me make something 100% clear, it is illegal to receive anything of value from a foreign national in connection with a u.s. election. trump saw that and was like, "starting now. [ laughter ] but people close to trump are worried that he's becoming more and more unglued at this point, the only glued parts of trump are his teeth and his hair [ light laughter ] it's true, trump may be losing it today, he tweeted in all caps, "election interference." [ laughter ] it wasn't a complaint. he just accidentally tweeted his to do list >> steve: oh [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he was like, "my bad, that was supposed to be a dm to ukraine, china, australia, and russia." [ laughter ] and everyone's talking about this yesterday, trump tweeted a a video about joe biden that featured a nickelback song, but nickelback had the video taken down [ light laughter ] it's not a good sign for trump when even nickelback is like, "we can't be associated with you. [ laughter ] but trump is staying busy.
today, he gave a speech about healthcare in florida. and when it was over, trump swung by the everglades to grab some alligators for his border moat [ laughter ] people are still talking about how trump wanted his border wall to have a moat filled with snakes and alligators. but today trump called the story fake news. it turns out that trump wanted some other animals to protect the border as well check it out >> alligators and snakes 15,000 chickens. great dogs tuna fish. 900 dairy cows many bats. dirty rats mosquitos. frogs. buffalo. snails vicious coyotes. this great easter bunny. [ laughter ] lions. tigers lady bears oh, my >> jimmy: there you go yeah yeah [ cheers and applause mini-bears lady bears mini-bats? mini-bats. >> steve: many bats, not one bat. >> jimmy: oh, many bats. >> steve: many bats. >> jimmy: i thought he said mini-bats. >> steve: oh mini-bats [ laughter ] tiny little bats >> jimmy: like tiny little bats
like, mini-bats. they're actually butterflies, mr. president. [ laughter ] get all these mini-bats away from me. [ laughter ] >> steve: what >> jimmy: some 2020 news last night, joe biden made a a speech in nevada and told trump, "you're not going to destroy me." yeah then biden was like, i'm letting elizabeth warren do that instead [ light laughter ] in other 2020 news, beto o'rourke just posted an instagram video of himself getting a flu shot it's first time since the campaign started that we can honestly say beto's got a shot [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ rim shot ] >> steve: come on! >> jimmy: and finally, you guys, there's a lot going on in the news right now but instead of me just telling you about it, i thought it'd be nice to give you a chance to decide what we talk about. it's time for, "you pick the joke." here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ you pick the joke ha ha ha you pick the joke ♪ >> jimmy: so, here's how it works. i'm going to show you two news stories. then you guys get to pick which one we talk about. okay here we go
let's take a look at story number one >> there's new reporting in the "washington post," the trump administration is back to investigating hillary clinton and her emails >> jimmy: okay, here's story number two >> a man at disneyland paris had the trip of his life when he took lsd, fell into a lake, and ended up naked [ laughter ] >> jimmy: which story do you guys want to talk about? one or two [ audience shouting >> jimmy: good choice. >> steve: two? they want to talk about two? >> jimmy: they're going with two, yeah. they went with two >> steve: surprised. >> jimmy: friday, a guy at disneyland took lsd, fell into a lake, and got naked. eventually the police were like, "mr. giuliani, it's time for you to go home." [ laughter ] [ applause ] "i just -- i just took one hit of acid. i didn't even know what's happening. let's do another pair of stories. once again, you guys get to pick okay, here's story number one. >> facebook ceo, mark zuckerberg says democratic presidential candidate elizabeth warren would be bad for big tech if she is elected
>> jimmy: okay, now here's story number two >> people living in an ottawa community say they've noticed several raccoons who appear to be quite tipsy experts say they're probably getting drunk off of fermented berries. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: which story do you want to talk about, one or two [ audience shouting >> jimmy: alright, two, great choice that's right a bunch of raccoons got drunk. today, one raccoon woke up next to a squirrel and was like, "we didn't, did we?" [ laughter ] let's do one last batch. it's your choice here's story number one. >> president trump and his allies in recent days have alleged the intelligence community recently changed the rules requiring whistle-blowers to base their claims on firsthand information. >> jimmy: now here's story number two >> drivers in michigan were surprised to see adult entertainment on the highway drivers say a digital billboard was broadcasting porn. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys want to talk about one or two [ audience shouting >> jimmy: that's right,
a roadside billboard in michigan was showing adult videos when you drive by, your gps goes, "you have arrived two minutes ahead of schedule. [ laughter ] don't worry it happens to a lot of guys. [ cheers and applause guys, that has been "you pick the joke." we have a great show tonight [ cheers and applause taylor swift is here give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh [ cheers and applause we have a fun show tonight taylor swift is here, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause >> steve: come on. come on. >> jimmy: chris o'dowd is here tonight. >> steve: yeah [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: and we got great music from angel olsen, everybody, tonight [ cheers and applause guys, it is the end of the week and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox,
return some emails, and of course i send out thank you notes. and i was running a bit behind today. so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that cool with you guys [ cheers and applause james, could i get some thank you note writing music ♪ >> steve: still got the beard. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, using taco bell's new home delivery service, for basically saying i'm not just taco bell stoned, i'm taco bell delivery stoned. [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh, i went for it. ♪ thank you, new nhl season, for giving me a great reference when i carve my jack-o-lantern [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: come on. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, going to a museum with a friend, for giving me the chance to play a
a fun game of, "how long do i have to look at this painting to seem like i get art?" [ laughter and applause >> steve: are they still here? did they go in the other room yet? ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, pumpkin flavored beer that only comes out in the fall, for being released just infrequently enough for me to forget that you taste bad. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> steve: oh, what is this pumpkin? ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, tiktok, for letting every 20-year-old who remembers vine be like, "back in my day, we only had 6 seconds. [ cheers and applause we didn't have this much time now tiktok-ers." >> steve: whippersnappers. >> jimmy: 16 years old ♪ thank you, matcha green tea, for tasting like what would happen if you added water to
25-year-old chalk. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: it's good for you. yeah, pumpkin beer is really good for you ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, envelopes you have to lick, for letting me mail my dna there you guys have it those are my thank you notes [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with more "tonight show", everybody. come on back [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ (vo) the big dogs. the old dogs. the deaf, blind, the different. subaru presents the underdogs. these shelter dogs still love unconditionally. they're just hoping to find their human, who does too. to help, subaru is establishing national make a dog's day
to ask you to please consider adopting an underdog, or do something extra-special for your dog. (mom, whispering) shh, shh, shhh... thank you! (associate, whispering) hey, you're all set. (mom, shouting) really? bamwhat!? (dog) whining noise. (mom, whispering) that was so easy... (associate) bamwhat!? (mom) bamwhat? that's not even a word... iced chai.ry. pad thai. baked pie. pork chop. soda pop. scallop. kebobs. soursop. hot pot. dumpling. chicken wing. peking. onion ring. we are america's kitchen. doordash. every flavor welcome. super emma just about sleeps in her cape. but when we realized she was battling sensitive skin, we switched to tide pods free & gentle. it's gentle on her skin, and dermatologist recommended. tide free & gentle. safe for skin with psoriasis and eczema.
♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: welcome back to "the tonight show. it is time for the "name that song challenge." here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ name that son name that song challenge ♪ >> jimmy: my opponent tonight is one of the biggest pop stars on the planet. [ drum roll [ cheers and applause she has a new album called "lover." [ cheers and applause and she's performing on "saturday night live" this weekend. give it up for taylor swift.
[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: come on now. come on now. that's - [ cheers and applause that's what i'm talking about. come on. that is what i'm talking about they love you, come on they love you. [ cheers and applause all right, buddy the roots are going to start playing a song, one instrument at a time. taylor and i can buzz in and guess as soon as we know the song but if you guess wrong, the other person gets a chance to steal. >> ugh, treacherous. >> jimmy: you can play - [ laughter ] >> crazy >> jimmy: you can play along at home roots, let's hear the first song, whenever you're ready. oh, man. ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: "oops i did it again", britney spears >> questlove: no
[ light laughter ] [ buzzer ] >> oh, wait, wait, wait! [ buzzer ] "baby one more time" by britney spears oh [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. what did i say what did i say i said "oops" -- >> that's shameful >> jimmy: i thought that like - >> it's those chords [ humming [ light laughter ] >> it's that max martin chords >> jimmy: max martin chords. gosh darn it i'm so mad all right. ugh. of course, taylor's going to kill me at this. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: all right, let's hear the next song. ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] >> i know it i know it. [ mumbling ] [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: "pour some sugar on me", def leppard ♪ [ cheers and applause sorry, sorry
i don't even know the words. ♪ hit me like a bom and the come on na-na-na yeah na-na-na-na with a red iphone ♪ a red iphone >> it's actually radar phone >> jimmy: it's radar phone i thought it was a red iphone. [ light laughter ] >> they were super ahead of their time >> jimmy: trust me, in the future everyone is going to have a red - >> we just invented -- just talking about in the '80s and they know about iphones. >> jimmy: yeah, man, they're prescient. all right, here we go. let's hear the next song ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] >> it's nelly, it's nelly, it's nelly! it's "hot in herre." ♪ [ cheers and applause [ ding ] >> jimmy: what ♪ >> this is my favorite song. ♪ >> jimmy: oh, how did you get that oh, my gosh. >> yes >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause that's -- you're proving that you're a genius. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: come on, how would
you guess that from that >> just, like, middle school it imprints on you >> jimmy: "hot in herre. "hot in herre. m >> jimmy: here we go let's hear the next one. ♪ i'd love it if she gets it now ♪ [ buzzer ] "bad guy," billie eilish ♪ [ cheers and applause [ ding ] ♪ [ cheers and applause woo. all right. coming back. coming back, man woo! [ laughter ] kay. there's a little bit -- that's a little bit of a lot. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah why don't you just say, "you need to calm down. just say it. all right. [ light laughter ] come on, i set you up. i set you up [ cheers and applause >> i've had to learn to say different versions of common phrases like, "shake it off. >> jimmy: you can't day that any more >> you need to calm down >> jimmy: you can't do any of that anymore >> i've had to figure out how to not to say puns of my own songs in conversations [ light laughter ] i've gotten sort of good at it
>> jimmy: let's hear the next song here we go ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] >> "kiss me", sixpence none the richer >> jimmy: oh, my god ♪ [ cheers and applause [ ding ] yes. you even got the band. ♪ ♪ kiss me sixpence none the richer you even got the band. >> that was the first song i learned to play on guitar. yeah [ cheers ] >> jimmy: me too [ laughter ] all right, let's hear the next song >> okay. ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] >> is it "no scrubs" ♪ [ cheers and applause [ ding ] ♪
>> jimmy: what the heck? how did you guess that >> it's the chords ♪ >> jimmy: whoa >> it's the chords >> jimmy: how did you get that >> it's the chords in the song >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] the chords in the song >> i'm really too excited. i'm flushed and -- >> jimmy: i know this is a fun game i really have met my match >> really fun. >> jimmy: this is unbelievable all right. it's time for the final song this is worth 10,000 points. [ light laughter ] >> towards what? >> jimmy: it's anyone's game [ laughter ] whoever wins this, wins the whole game >> okay. >> jimmy: roots, take it away, whenever you're ready. ♪ ♪ [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: "shake it off" >> questlove: yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: ha-ha. yeah [ cheers and applause ♪ i'm sorry.
no, no, no, come on. oh, i love it! [ cheers and applause that's my favorite thing that ever happened on the whole show ever taylor swift, everybody. [ cheers and applause more with taylor after the break. stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ we were lost, in a vast desert completely devoid of basset hounds. [ back in baby's arms by patsy cline ] then, it appeared a beacon of hope. ♪ i'm back in baby's arms more glorious than a billion sunsets. we were found. ♪ i'm back where i belong found by the hounds. ♪ back in baby's arms a more rewarding target run. with deals & surprises...
it's free to join! you'll score more. and, help support your community. you're invited to target circle. a more rewarding target run is waiting for you. i am totally blind. and non-24 can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the things i love to do. talk to your doctor, and call 844-214-2424. oh, come on. flo: don't worry. you're covered. (dramatic music) and you're saving money, because you bundled home and auto. sarah, get in the house. we're all here for you. all: all day, all night. (dramatic music)
great job speaking calmly and clearly everyone. that's how you put a customer at ease. hey, did anyone else hear wei vces while they were in the corn? no. no. me either. whispering voice: jamie. what? start the day slow-roasting turkey for incredible flavor. then, they double seal every slice for freshness. the results, well, they speak for themselves. ♪ this is you shopping. and this is you maximizing at t.j.maxx. get more of the brands you love and quality you want, and save every time. it's not shopping, it's maximizing. maxx life at t.j.maxx.
♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our first guest is a a multiple grammy-winning mega superstar. her new album, "lover", is the top-selling album of 2019. [ cheers and applause and she will be the musical guest on "saturday night live" this weekend please help me welcome taylor swift [ cheers and applause ♪
>> jimmy: hey, buddy >> oh. >> jimmy: a standing ovation, 'cause i have to i have to. you know i love you, man >> you're the best >> jimmy: i love you, so much. pal, the record is unbelievable it is the top-selling record - [ cheers and applause it really is unbelievable. >> thank you thank you so much. >> jimmy: it's the top-selling record of 2019, which is great and all that but it's actually the best record i heard this year it is so good. and i love it so much. >> hey >> jimmy: i know i'm -- again, i'm not a music critic >> really? >> jimmy: what am i talking about. but -- >> well, it counts >> jimmy: i do like -- >> it counts >> jimmy: thank you. >> it made me feel nice. >> jimmy: it makes you feel nice >> yeah. >> jimmy: i have some real reviews from real people >> oh. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: "'lover' is swift's most mature album and her most fun one all at once." -- "variety." >> aww >> jimmy: "taylor swift is one of the best pop lyricists our era has ever produced." -- "vanity fair." "lover is a career" --
[ cheers and applause -- i agree with that one, too. "'lover' is a career topping masterpiece." -- "rolling stone. >> oh, man >> jimmy: that's are great reviews. [ cheers and applause and i love the album dude, look at this the blue and the pink? >> oh, you know what i haven't seen this yet, actually >> jimmy: are you serious? [ laughter ] >> yeah. so, this is actually -- can i see it >> jimmy: yes. >> yeah. [ laughter ] it's really -- >> jimmy: i mean, don't give notes. it's already done. >> no. >> jimmy: it's already made. >> no, i saw drawings of it on a computer >> jimmy: yeah >> but i didn't -- this is -- hey. >> jimmy: how cool is that >> yeah, it's good >> jimmy: colored vinyl. dude, it's a great cover [ laughter ] >> i think it'll work. >> jimmy: did you always know "lover" was going to be the name of it, or no? >> so, i toyed around with calling the album "daylight" for a while. but i thought that might be a little too, like, on the nose or - i don't know, because my last album, "reputation", i saw as like, this nighttime album, like - >> jimmy: yeah >> in the city >> jimmy: yes. >> in the nighttime. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. but this one, did you have - >> this one i saw as a daytime album. >> jimmy: now did you have - >> like, i saw like, fields and flowers and like, you know,
like festivals - >> jimmy: butterflies. >> but -- possibly - >> jimmy: possibly >> if the mood strikes them. >> jimmy: you're going on tour next summer. and it's a giant, massive tour all around europe. you're only playing two dates in the u.s one is in boston, one is in l.a >> yeah. >> jimmy: two days in boston, two days in l.a. cool thingng this brand new that of course, i knew you would do something cool. is it "lover" west and "lover" east >> yeah. basically, i just kind of felt like this album, i was going to try something new. i haven't done festivals in a really long time and i just saw this album as like, a really festival-y album. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. >> and so, i kind of wanted to do - i had the opportunity to open a stadium in l.a., which is really exciting. >> jimmy: i mean, the first -- the first female performer to ever do that congratulations. >> really now? >> jimmy: you are. yeah [ cheers and applause yeah, i believe so >> wow >> jimmy: first female performer to open a new nfl stadium. that's -- that's awesome, buddy. >> not the last. >> jimmy: no, not the last at all. do you have a favorite track on this -- on this record
>> it's hard to pick a favorite track, but i really do - >> jimmy: "the man" is good. >> love the song -- thank you. i love the song "lover." just i - [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that is a good - >> thanks, guys. >> jimmy: it's a great jam >> thanks. it's a song that i wrote alone and somehow those are -- i don't know you just think about the - i find it funny thinking about if i were to have like a -- like a party for all the songwriters on that song >> jimmy: really >> yeah, 'cause it would just be me. [ laughter ] just saying, it would be the same as -- >> jimmy: you're the only songwriter [ cheers ] >> as i was in high school i'm just like -- >> jimmy: yeah yeah, so you -- yeah, it's just you. >> fun >> jimmy: just invite yourself yeah can you see me by the way? >> ah, yeah. >> jimmy: okay, good 'cause i just was wondering. didn't you just get lasik surgery? >> i did how do you know that [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no -- it's like, you got lasik surgery, which is a major surgery. >> yeah, but - [ laughter ] i did, but i don't -- i don't even tell people that. >> jimmy: but you can see me perfect? i just want to make sure, yeah >> no, it was great. i really can see very well
>> jimmy: you -- do you take painkillers or anything when you do that stuff? [ laughter ] well, i mean, do you give you like laughing gas or something >> they finitely give you some pretty hardcore pills after you -- >> jimmy: yeah >> take -- have a laser in your eye. what is going on [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you're saying, so post surgery you're a little loopy? you know you have things on your eyes and -- >> what is happening right now [ light laughter ] [ drum roll >> jimmy: your mom may or may not have videotaped you after surgery. [ audience oohs [ laughter ] and she gave us the video. [ laughter and applause >> for the television? >> jimmy: wait, this is a world premiere you got to check this out. [ drum roll [ cheers ] this is taylor swift, post surgery. you were like freaking out over a banana [ laughter ] anyway, here's taylor at home after her lasik surgery. video taken by her mom take a look at this. this is real
>> okay, so, she found a snack >> that wasn't the one i wanted [ laughter ] >> stop, you can't cry that's not supposed to be what you're doing >> i tried to get this one >> okay, i'm gonna get the other for you. for -- okay. >> i wanted this one, but what do we do with this now >> i'll eat it i'll eat it. [ laughter ] it's mine. >> but it doesn't have a head. [ laughter ] >> honey, it's fine. i don't need a head. >> okay. i'm crying i'm crying >> don't -- you don't want to cry. that's not what you want to do >> sometimes it doesn't go your way. [ laughter ] >> don't fall asleep eating a banana okay >> i'm not asleep. my mind is alive >> okay. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: don't be mad don't be mad don't be mad at me don't be mad at me i made some calls. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: i may have made some calls. >> that's on television. >> jimmy: me and your mom. [ laughter ] she goes, "this one doesn't
have a head. what are we going to do with it?" [ laughter ] me and your mom -- >> wait. >> jimmy: stayed in touch. >> she was kind enough to drive me there, but cruel enough to film it and give it to you [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, that's what - that's what a good mom does. [ cheers and applause i love you, mom. that's what a good mom does. >> i was -- you notice the - i had these goggles on, which are really high fashion. but then they had to tape it to my head. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, and you're not allowed to cry and just -- the whole thing's so funny >> but i'm -- i was crying i think, over a banana [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: anyways, tell your mom thanks again for that. >> oh. >> jimmy: she's the best >> you know what [ laughter ] i'm going to tell her something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's talk "saturday night live." you're on "snl." you're great on "saturday night live." and you're good at live. the last time i saw you was at the "time 100" - >> i'm sorry i can't think about anything else [ laughter ] i had like -- okay, i had like - >> jimmy: dude, it's my favorite we watched it in the office like 20 times today. i'm like, "oh my god." [ laughter ] "this is not real. i can't believe we have this footage. you like, going like, "but this is the wrong one i want the other one."
you're like, "what do we do with this banana?" and she like, "we'll take care of it. you go, "but this doesn't have a -- >> "but its head is gone." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "it doesn't have a a head." oh, my gosh. it just was so cute, it made me laugh. >> well, okay. so i was at a party, like a couple months ago, and i had like two and a half mojitos. [ laughter ] and then the next day, drunk -- #drunktaylor was like number one trending on twitter. >> jimmy: yeah, i saw that [ cheers and applause >> because, you know, i go like from zero to legitimately thinking i'm a wizard within like two drinks. [ laughter ] like - >> jimmy: "i'm a wizard. yeah >> like, really thinking like - >> jimmy: you fun, ough you were dancing around doing -- you're dancing. >> yeah, but thinking about the fact that that went as far as it did >> jimmy: yeah >> and then we've got this happening. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is the -- this is lasik >> that you've done this now >> jimmy: this is lasik lover. #lasiklover. [ laughter ] #lasiklover. um, "snl" -- >> i can't even be mad i'm just impressed that you infiltrated my family. [ laughter ]
i don't even know how you did that >> jimmy: what, um - >> nobody has my mom's number. like, how did -- >> jimmy: yeah, i asked for your mom's number. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but yeah, we've been friends for years. >> oh, well, you know? news to me this is great. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what -- what songs are you doing on "snl" can you say? have you said? like a hint? >> yeah, i'm fine with saying. >> jimmy: you can? >> i mean, i'll tell - well, you know, we gotta be a little cryptic, just 'cause it's fun but i'll probably do "lover. >> jimmy: want to point at them ooh. [ cheers ] >> i'll do "lover," but in a a way that i haven't performed it before, which - [ cheers and applause and then i'm going to do a song that i have never performed before at all, live. >> jimmy: wow. >> so -- [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that's a scoop i'll take that scoop taylor swift, everyobody the album is called "lover." [ cheers and applause it's available now you can watch taylor perform on "saturday night live" this saturday at 11:30 p.m. on nbc. chris o'dowd joins us next stick around [ cheers and applause ♪
just get one of me looking off. look, she's on another vacation. wow, so happy for you, smiley face emoji. funny how the words you typed don't reveal the jealousy you actually feel. thanks, captain obvious. how is she there and we're here? condoms. true. don't hate-like their trip, book yours with hotels.com and get rewarded basically everywhere. hotels.com. be there. do that. get rewarded. and take an extra 15 or 20% off! women's flannels are just $16.99... save on boots for the family... and samsonite luggage. plus - take an extra $20 off your $100 purchase!... plus - get kohl's cash! right now - at kohl's. hi! welcome towelcome to gigi's. hi! welcome to lindsey's. hi! welcome to...
shhh! (announcer) now you can enjoy all of your chili's favorites in more places. dinner... hi! welcome to sam's. welcome to mitch's! welcome to sean's. to luke's. (barks twice) (all) the mcnealy's! (announcer) make anywhere feel more like chili's. hi. with new delivery and to-go. liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. i wish i could shake your hand. granted. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ ♪ why do wrinkles happen at the worst times? showing up here... here
and even here? with new bounce rapid touch up spray, you can fight wrinkles anywhere. spray smooth and you're fresh and ready to go wherever you are. new bounce rapid touch up spray. bounce out wrinkles anywhere. happy halloween. thank you!treat what do ya got? yawn ♪ yeah! woo! pleasure doing business with you.
i'm about to capture proof of the ivory billed woodpecker. what??? no, no no no no. battery power runs out. lifetime retirement income from tiaa doesn't. guaranteed monthly income for life. nooooo! guaranteed monthly income for life. they give us excellent customer otservice, every time.e. our 18 year old was in an accident. usaa took care of her car rental, and getting her car towed. all i had to take care of was making sure that my daughter was ok. if i met another veteran, and they were with another insurance company, i would tell them, you need to join usaa because they have better rates,
and better service. we're the gomez family... we're the rivera family... we're the kirby family, and we are usaa members for life. get your auto insurance quote today. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest is an emmy-winning actor who stars in the television series "get shorty", which returns sunday at 10:00 p.m. on epix please welcome chris o'dowd! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you again. >> what a treat. >> jimmy: welcome back i love having you here and congratulations on your emmy win that was a big emmy win right there. >> thank you [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: i saw all around your socials. here's the emmy, unloading the dishwasher
>> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is your emmy, and -- and a car seat. they're not easy to install. [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> jimmy: they're not easy to install. >> no. >> jimmy: here's your emmy in the pool just relaxing [ laughter ] >> she's a free spirit you know >> jimmy: she certainly is [ laughter ] >> i -- i don't think of owning her really, as just being her guardian >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so, that's how you feel >> i feel like i want to keep this going, like taking pictures the of her until something goes -- i want it to be - because you win it for a kind of a dramatic thing, you want it to have a proper narrative arc. >> jimmy: yes. >> and so, i'd like her to kill something. >> jimmy: wait oh, my god [ laught ] >> you know. >> jimmy: oh, no who else is in your category >> um, you know, ed begley jr. was there. i'm a big fan of and patton oswalt. do you know? i think that you might in there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: congratulations. i'm holding that spit take in for so long. i was in the same category as you. >> i know. i felt bad i felt - >> jimmy: no, you did not. [ laughter ] >> i felt -- i did i felt bad
very, like very -- like very briefly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, okay >> yeah. >> jimmy: i believe that you take the emmy home you got the kids at home are they excited are they impressed dad won an emmy >> couldn't give two hoots, if i'm honest [ laughter ] they're like, "where do the batteries go in it." it's just this - >> jimmy: "what does it do?" >> it's another beautiful thing for them to destroy. >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] well, congrats on the emmy >> thank you >> jimmy: "get shorty," by the way, season three. here we go already >> yes, very exciting. >> jimmy: yeah >> thank you >> it's -- this is like -- it's a revenge season this one i end up in prison at the end of the last one. and this one is me trying to get my revenge on a kind of a harvey weinstein type character played by steven weber - and a couple giggles [ laughter ] you know, it's a specific crowd, isn't it? >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> i keep having this fear that you're going to show footage of -- that my mother sent in after my vasectomy [ laughter ] and -- >> jimmy: i am actually.
let's just show the clip of -- >> no! [ laughter ] it was a banana! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, but so you're there and ray romano who we love - >> beautiful man >> jimmy: he's a great guy we love ray romano [ applause ] you were saying last time -- >> thank you >> jimmy: -- you were talking. you were saying that -- yeah thank you, so much >> thank you, yes. i -- when i birthed him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have video of it. let's share -- no you like to mess with him on set? >> well, you know, i - ray is the sweetest man, not great on like germs. you know not a big germ person. nobody's a big germ person, i suppose. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i guess not. no but he's like a germophobe one that is kind of -- >> little -- a little bit. >> jimmy: okay >> and there's scenes where i have to -- i've play kind of a a heavy in this show this "get shorty" thing. and i take advantage of his kindness in many situations. and there's a scene that we did last year, where i have to cover his mouth and like, tell
him to shut up 'cause somebody else in the other is going to kick the what out of him and -- and every time i would come to him and we would be doing this scene just before they would shout "action," i'd go, "oh, god i just --i went to the toilet. i forgot to wash my hands. anyway [ laughter ] and he goes, "oh, i got some purell." [ laughter and applause he's got some in his pocket. >> jimmy: yeah, really >> yeah. >> jimmy: basically, this one you said is revenge. "get shorty", shorty in this is - >> it's carolyn dodd, who plays my daughter. so shorty refers to my daughter and we kind of go through this breakup in our family, and it's -- a lot of the show is me trying to get her back >> jimmy: you're fantastic in it you're good dramatic acting, but also very funny in this. we love having you on. i want to shoe everyone a clip here's chris o'dowd in "get shorty. take a look. >> okay, then i'll take it >> you'll take what? >> i'll be an assistant. it's a deal.
>> no, you don't want to - you'd be getting lunch for people, answering phones for random execs >> i do want it. >> miles, i don't -- >> thank you it's an honor. and it goes without saying that anything that transpired between you and i in the past is water under the bridge. thank you, truly >> um -- okay great. >> you won't regret it [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: chris o'dowd, everybody. season three of "get shorty" premieres sunday at 10:00 p.m. on epix. angel olsen performs for us next stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ the new $3 little john from jimmy john's
♪ puberty means personal space. so sports clothes sit around growing odors. that's why we graduated to tide pods sport. finally something more powerful than the funk. tide sport removes even week-old sweat odor. it's got to be tide. man 1 vo: proof of less joint pain woman 1 oc: this is my body of proof. and clearer skin. man 2 vo: proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis... woman 2 vo: ...with humira. woman 3 vo: humira targets and blocks a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further irreversible joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. humira is the number one prescribed biologic for psoriatic arthritis. avo: humira can lower your ability to fight infections. serious and sometimes fatal infections,
including tuberculosis, and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. man 3 vo: ask your rheumatologist about humira. woman 4 vo: go to humira.com to see proof in action. a more rewarding target run. with deals & surprises... it's free to join! you'll score more. and, help support your community. you're invited to target circle. a more rewarding target run is waiting for you. ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ [screams] ♪ fishrisotto. [screams] buffalo. (buffalo wild wings) gelato. curry. cacciatori. chimichurri. fried turkey. blueberry. mcflurry. (mcdonald's) cheese cake. (cheesecake factory) grilled steak. clam bake. milkshake. we are america's kitchen. doordash. every flavor welcome. but she wanted someone who loves with the cats.ng. so, we got griswalda. dinner's almost ready. but one thing we could both agree on was getting geico to help with our renters insurance. yeah, switching and saving was really easy! drink it all up. good! could have used a little salt. visit geico.com and see how easy saving on renters insurance can be.
how you watch it does too. tv just keeps getting better. this is xfinity x1. featuring the emmy award-winning voice remote. streaming services without changing passwords and input. live sports - with real-time stats and scores. access to the most 4k content. and your movies and shows to go. the best tv experience is the best tv value. xfinity x1. simple. easy. awesome. xfinity. the future of awesome.
♪ losin beauty at least at time it knew me ♪ ♪ at least at times it knew me at least at time it knew me ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: come on. that's fantastic thank you so much. oh, my gosh, pleasure. angel olsen! "all mirrors" is out now fantastic. we'll be right back, everybody ah, i loved it
we trust usaa more than any other company out there. they give us excellent customer service, every time. our 18 year old was in an accident. usaa took care of her car rental, and getting her car towed. all i had to take care of was making sure that my daughter was ok. if i met another veteran, and they were with another insurance company, i would tell them, you need to join usaa because they have better rates, and better service. we're the gomez family... we're the rivera family... we're the kirby family, and we are usaa members for life. get your auto insurance quote today.
♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: my thanks to taylor swift chris o'dowd angel olsen, once again. [ cheers and applause and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night i hope to see you tomorrow bye-bye, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪
♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- anna kendrick. star of nbc's "sunnyside," actor kal penn from "the righteous gemstones," actress edi patterson. featuring the 8g band with fred armisen ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news following house speaker nancy pelosi's announcement of impeachment proceedings against president trump, trump tweeted this morning that there is,