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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  November 15, 2019 11:34pm-12:38am PST

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nothing says the holidays more than ice skating. tonight the grand opening for the kristi yamaguchi holiday ice rink in san ramon. it's at the city center bishop ranch. that's that new mall that opened. yamaguchi is a bay native and olympic gold medalist. you know that. the ice rink is the only one of its kind in the tri-valley. >> family-friendly entertainment center and then you have an ice rink. so you really get the holiday show. >> it's a fabulous place. the purchase price of the tickets go toward yamaguchi's early dream foundation which support early childhood literacy. >> holiday season. have a good weekend. thanks for joining us. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon."
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tonight, join jimmy and his guests - celine dion, tig notaro colin o'brady, magician shin lim, and featuring the legendary roots crew >> questlove: 1157 >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. thank you very much, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome. welcome to "the tonight show."
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thank you so much. [ cheers and applause my guest tonight is celine dion, everybody >> steve: oh >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause celine has played giant arenas, small venues, and a residency in vegas the only place that they won't book her is a cruise ship. >> steve: wow. [ light laughter ] there you go it's going to take a little bit. >> jimmy: of course, celine sang the theme song for "titanic." which is also now the theme for trump's presidency [ laughter and applause well, the impeachment hearings are in full swing. and next week, we'll hear testimony from jennifer williams, an aide to mike pence right now jennifer is like, "if you think the hearings are boring, try being an aide to mike pence." [ laughter ] "jennifer, are these pleated khakis too risque? [ light laughter ] should i get more of a wide wale?" [ light laughter ] the house will also question national security aide tim morrison can we see tim morrison? yeah because when you want to look trustworthy, it's best to walk around in a trench coat and
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a briefcase. [ laughter ] looks like a cvs halloween costume just labeled "disguise. [ laughter ] you guys know the phrase "netflix and chill?" you ever heard that? [ cheers and applause well, apparently for disney+, people are saying "disney+ and thrust." [ laughter ] >> steve: ew, ew yikes. >> jimmy: well, nbc's streaming service is called peacock. so they might want to change that soon. [ laughter ] the big movie this weekend is "ford vs. ferrari", starring matt damon and christian bale. it's supposed to do much better at the box office than today's other release, "hyundai vs. kia. [ light laughter ] some tv news a new poster for the upcoming season of "the bachelor" was just released and it features the next bachelor, pilot pete. [ cheers and applause check it out there he is right there. the slogan for this season of "the bachelor" is "expect turbulence." [ light laughter ] when they saw that, spirit airlines was like, "hey, get
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your own damn slogan come on. [ laughter ] well, it's already the time of the year for holiday commercials. and i just saw that kay jewelers just introduced a a handsome santa take a look. [ light laughter ] that guy shouldn't play santa. he should be in a bathtub in a a cialis commercial. [ laughter ] it's like if santa got a a makeover on "queer eye." [ laughter ] well, this is a crazy story. i read about three cows in north carolina who swam five miles to escape a hurricane. can we see a photo of them [ audience aws ] yeah, there they are by the way, that's also their album cover. [ laughter ] there's the hot one. there's the sensitive one. there's the bad boy. >> steve: ooh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and this isn't good. according to a new study, 50% of - this is weird and gross. >> steve: that's a real study. >> jimmy: yes. according to a new study, 50% of people don't change their underwear every day. [ audience groans half so if you change yours every day, that's great. but odds are the person who sat in your seat last night didn't [ laughter ] and finally, i read that more people in their 90s are doing
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cocaine. [ light laughter ] you could tell grandpa's on cocaine when he's speeding down the highway at 30 miles an hour [ laughter and applause we have a great show give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. celine dion is here! >> steve: oh [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: tig notaro is here [ cheers and applause colin o'brady is here. [ cheers and applause and we've got magic from my man, shin lim is here tonight. [ cheers and applause you know what i did last night i finally did it >> questlove: what did you do? >> jimmy: i went to "freestyle love supreme." >> questlove: you went to it >> jimmy: yeah, i did it i was in it. >> tariq: what >> jimmy: it was awesome >> questlove: you were
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freestyling? >> jimmy: this is the broadway show that's lin-manuel miranda and a bunch of his -- it's kind of where he started, right >> questlove: yeah >> tariq: yeah >> jimmy: started doing freestyle in, like, this club in new york. and now it's on broadway it was so much fun i loved it it was crazy did you do a story or no >> questlove: no, i stayed in the back >> jimmy: tariq? >> tariq: yeah, i was -- we were there the same night. i stayed in the back too >> jimmy: yeah i was in the back, but then they kind of like -- they were asking for suggestions of embarrassing stories. so, i was like, i'm not going to do anything and then my friend was like, "you should just do it." i go, "i'm not doing it. and so my friend yelled out, "i could have married nicole kidman. [ laughter ] and so they were like, "what?" they're like -- you know i think lin knew i was there, but he didn't want to call me out. but i was like - so, now i had to do it so i said, yeah. so he's like, "is that jimmy?" so i got up and i told the whole story. it was embarrassing and everything and then about -- i went on a thing. she just came over i thought it was -- i can't even get into it [ light laughter ] it's embarrassing. gosh, anyways.
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i go into the whole detail and everything then what they do, is they do a rap about that story, how it happened so this guy is like, "my name is jimmy fallon, i'm on 'saturday night live.' but in real life i'm not prepared for real. or something like that then he goes like, "my friend rick calls me on the phone." they do this whole story about how the whole thing went down. and someone plays nicole kidman, and it was just a whole thing. then what happens is they go, "rewind. and they go like - and they redo what would happen if i was actually smooth [ light laughter ] >> steve: oooh >> tariq: ooh. >> steve: and that made you feel good, didn't it >> jimmy: no [ laughter ] >> steve: oh >> jimmy: 'cause i'll never be like that. but it made me laugh, i'll tell you that much. so anyways, props and shout out to everyone over at "freestyle love supreme." it was really fun. [ cheers and applause it was good. i liked it you want to play a fun game? >> steve: what is it >> jimmy: all right, it's time for "tonight show" hashtags. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ hashtag hashtags ♪
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>> jimmy: so we do this thing every week, where i send out a a hashtag and we ask you guys to respond to that topic and since the weather is getting cooler, i thought i'd send out a hashtag called #thatwascold i can say that about the nicole kidman story. >> steve: yeah, that was cold. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: well, i asked you guys to tell us about the best diss you've given or received. within minutes it became the number two trending topic in the u.s. for a long time [ cheers and applause it was trending for a while. so thank you so much for playing along. now i thought i'd share some of my favorite #thatwascold responses from you guys. this first one is from @natalieschuyler she says, "i was at dmv getting my new license picture taken the dmv lady looked at it for a few seconds and said, 'aw, sweetie, do you want to try again?'" [ audience ohs [ laughter and applause yeah, you do this one's from @edjervisuk. [ light laughter ] >> steve: ed jervis u.k. >> jimmy: ed jervis. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: u.k. ed jervis so it's like, ed jervis. >> steve: right. so he's not u.s. ed jervis >> jimmy: that's ed jervis
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>> steve: right. right, this is ed jervis u.k >> jimmy: this is ed -- edward jervis. >> steve: are you sure it's not -- [ light laughter ] you're sure it's not ed jervis uk [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's ed jervisuk >> steve: okay [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: he says, "after my pregnant wife and i explained to our 2-year-old daughter that her new sister was in mommy's belly, she looked over at me and said, baby in daddy's belly too? [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause >> steve: oh, snap >> jimmy: no, sweetie, beer is in daddy's belly [ light laughter ] this is from @abbylampe. it's probably abby lamp. >> steve: right, lampe with an "e." >> jimmy: it was lamp with an "e." so i thought -- it was cuter, abby lampe >> steve: yeah [ light laughter ] you know, all of a sudden it has a sort of alliteration to it abby lampe >> jimmy: she says, "when i asked my mom how long i should cook a 25-pound turkey, she told me that she didn't think i had enough friends to use a 25-pound turkey. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause >> steve: oh >> jimmy: that's cold! >> steve: that's cold. >> jimmy: that was cold!
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>> steve: cold blooded >> jimmy: ice cold this one is @hanbagwilton1 >> stve: handbagwilton1. >> jimmy: not handbag, hanbag. >> steve: ham mag? >> jimmy: hanbag no "d. >> steve: so han, h-a-n. >> jimmy: han. >> steve: hanbag hanbag >> jimmy: yeah she says, "kid said to me, i love your hair how do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?" >> steve: oh [ laughter and applause snap >> jimmy: this one's from @leenie8791. ♪ little leenie she said, "the night before i left for college my dad said, cheerily, 'the best part of you going so far away to school is that you can come up with a whole new personality.'" [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause >> steve: he didn't mean nothing. >> jimmy: slam >> steve: cold blooded [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this one is from @stevenpoirier1. >> steve: poirier?
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>> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: it's french. steven poirier >> jimmy: yeah p-o-i-r-i-e-r. >> steve: oh, yeah, poirier. >> jimmy: poirier. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, steve poirier un >> steve: un right. >> jimmy: stevenpoirier1 he says, "the waitress recently asked if i wanted the senior discount i'm 35." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause >> steve: oh cold blooded >> jimmy: that was cold, man ice world. this one's from @tdeur7. >> steve: all right. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: they aren't fake these are real things. so there's probably six other tdeurs >> steve: eurs yeah, this is the seventh one. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: he says, "my son refused to mess up his hair by wearing a hat on a cold day. he looked at my receding hairline and said, 'i'm going to enjoy it while i still have it.'" [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] this one's from @lcapes26. >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: l'capes. >> steve: l'capes. >> jimmy: she says, "an uber driver was trying to find me in a crowd. he called me and asked, 'is that you in the white leggings?' i wasn't wearing leggings.
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it was just my legs. [ laughter and applause [ sad trombone ] >> jimmy: i'm irish! >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: i'm irish! >> steve: white leggings >> jimmy: white leggings >> steve: ouch >> jimmy: this one's from @wonderfulwomank she said, "when i was 10, i was helping out at a school event with little kids and i asked the girl how old she was she turned to her mom and asked how old she was, the mom said two. then little girl turned to me and said, 'two, stupid.'" [ laughter ] "two, stupid." [ light laughter ] this last one's from @otherman >> steve: oh, oh [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a little shady. >> steve: yeah, shade on that one. >> jimmy: get a tweet from the other man? >> steve: yeah [ light laughter ] oh, look out >> jimmy: other man. >> steve: call blinds to go. >> jimmy: he says, "it'd been a while since i'd been to the doctor and he asked me if i lost weight before i could answer, he looked at my chart and said, 'oh, that's a no.'" [ laughter and applause ] there you have it. those are our "tonight show" hashtags to check out more of my favorites, go to [ cheers and applause stick around we'll be right back with
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celine dion, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪ ying ♪ right now there is more private information on your phone than in your home. your location. your messages. your heart rate after a run. these are private things... ...and they should belong... you. ♪ [lock clicking] repeat after me. hi am grateful. audience: i am grateful. i am getting all the gifts this holiday. hurry in for forty percent off everything. that's forty percent off everything! you get all the gifts!!! now, at old navy. what's the time? device: a dime is ten cents. severe cold or flu? take control with theraflu.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: her music has won grammys and oscars she just wrapped the most successful las vegas residency of all time. her new album, "courage," is out now and she's currently touring on the "courage world tour." please help me welcome the one and only, celine dion! [cheers and applause] ♪ >> jimmy: please, welcome. celine dion, welcome back.
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[cheers and applause] >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. oh please, welcome back. i'm so happy you're here >> great to be here. long time no see >> jimmy: i know i don't know if you know this, but we're in the middle of a a celine-aissance. that's what we're calling it >> you should have let me known, i would have dressed appropriately. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh no, yes some magazines have said that it's the rebirth of celine dion. we're in a celine-aissance and i go, i love that. >> that's kind of nice well, i feel like i'm being born every morning >> jimmy: yeah when you wake up no, yes. [ laughter ] thank you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't say it. someone else said it >> every day i'm kind of - >> jimmy: i thought it was maybe started with your dress from the met gala last year. which i have to show it broke the internet. >> what? did i break the internet >> jimmy: yes. >> good! no, i'm joking [ laughter ] >> jimmy: look at this dress ooh-la-la. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: look at that dress stunning is that what you just wear normally around the house? that's what i think when i think of you >> actually, i go to bed like this at night.
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>> jimmy: you go to bed like that >> yeah. yeah >> jimmy: absolutely yeah i actually asked you for something that you do wear in the house -- walking around the house. for your people -- we asked your publicist >> oh, they gave you a picture without my permission? that's nice. >> jimmy: yeah [ light laughter ] this is you around the home. this is what you wear. there you go that's celine dion around the house. [cheers and applause] >> well, listen >> jimmy: this is gorgeous >> well, you know, i've got to keep myself safe especially when i do scrambled eggs in the morning for the kids you know i don't want to catch on fire. >> jimmy: no, yeah so you have to coat yourself in an armor suit. [ laughter ] congrats on the residency in las vegas. the longest, most successful residency in the history of las vegas. [cheers and applause] >> thank you so much. thank you. >> jimmy: that's amazing >> thank you to all the fans for coming >> jimmy: yeah, that's kind of a game changer kind of a life changer because you're like, yeah, i guess i just live here it's 16 years or something >> i've been there for 17 years
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>> jimmy: yeah >> living in vegas yeah >> jimmy: wow. >> i was supposed to be there for three months i don't know what happened [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what happens in vegas alright, that's why we don't talk about it. >> yeah, and what happens in vegas stays in vegas >> jimmy: stays in vegas >> thank you >> jimmy: okay, yeah, no problem. >> you got me. >> jimmy: i got you. i got you. >> i got you >> jimmy: celine, i always try to ask you a good "titanic" question every time you're here because i know you probably love those >> you know that's a long time ago, right >> jimmy: i know you love those questions. >> i maybe remember the songs. >> jimmy: no, but here's what everyone is saying, and this is still being talked about on the internets, on the interweb they're saying at the end of the movie if rose just scooted over a little bit -- [ laughter ] just a little bit, just over here, she could have saved jack's life. do you agree with this >> don't put me in trouble [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no come on america needs to know. >> what if they want to do a a "titanic" number two >> jimmy: no you can't do a "titanic" number two >> no, it's true >> jimmy: no, you can't. listen, first of all, first of
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all, if you look closely to the picture, rose is maybe dead or totally frozen, and she's not quite all there. okay second of all, he doesn't need an invitation. [ laughter ] [ applause ] come on, baby. make yourself comfortable. jump in. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah >> you know? >> jimmy: he could have pushed her over a little bit. >> and then who did not think about this guy who is in the middle of the frozen ocean, and that maybe all his body is so frozen that he didn't have the strength to jump in. ♪ for my love jump in ♪ >> you know? >> jimmy: yeah, you didn't think that he could -- ♪ jump for her love jump i feel the touch jump ♪ ♪ if you won't take my kisses in the night
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then jump for my love ♪ >> jimmy: yeah, all right good alright. [cheers and applause] let's talk about - [ cheers and applause come on. we love you. come on. you're the best. >> you're so sweet >> jimmy: i love you come on. all right. we get to be silly on this show let's talk about your new album. it is out today. it is out right now. [ cheers and applause download it. go to spotify. stream it. it is called "courage," and it's a great album cover there why did you call it "courage?" >> i called it "courage" because the last three years, my family, myself, my kids, my family went through tough times. a lot of people go through tough times. and i really wanted to, after the passing of rene, wanted to -- this is actually the first -- my first album in english without him physically
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but he is always, always within me, and when this song came, that was called "courage," it represented all the album because it was hard. it was difficult and, also, it's a message that, you know, courage is such an important and big word that all of us have courage and all of us at one point in our lives know that we want to use it, but eventually sometimes we might need it and we need that in our lives to be able to hold on to, to be able to find our inner strength and be really saying that, you know what? i'm a mother i got my children. i love to sing it's great, and it's going to be okay. and courage, don't you dare fail me now.
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>> jimmy: yeah >> you know. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: i love that. you're doing the "courage world tour" right now, and i know, i heard this may be a rumor as well this is almost like another -- >> everything. oh, you're laughing. i see. >> jimmy: no, i just heard a a rumor. >> another picture >> jimmy: no, i don't have a a picture, but i heard that you have been known to drive - >> i don't even want to look behind the desk. >> jimmy: no, no i don't have a photo i heard that you were maybe driving your own tour bus. >> oh, of course i do. i don't only drive my own tour bus, i drive my people crazy, too. >> jimmy: no, yeah >> that's my job >> jimmy: you do that. i heard that you don't have a cell phone is that true >> well, driving and texting at the same time -- >> jimmy: that's true. i know that. yeah, yeah >> jimmy: i heard that you're - >> the kid is thinking >> jimmy: i heard that you're getting into a laptop, you're getting a cell phone, and i thought it would be kind of fun if me and you took your first selfie [ audience aws ]
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would you like to? do you know what a selfie is [ laughter ] >> why would i take a selfie >> jimmy: no cause you have to take a a selfie [ laughter ] everyone takes a selfie. >> i can try you want to take a selfie with me [ cheers and applause all right. no problem >> jimmy: selfie of us i will take care of you. i promise. ready? hold on. >> where do i look where do i look? because i don't want to have crooked eyes where's the camera where's the camera, jimmy? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: alright, let me just show everyone what we did. >> where do you look first [ applause ] you see? but where do you look? [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: it's perfect it's perfect celine dion, everybody [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: her tour is called the "courage world tour." she loves selfies. her new album, "courage," is out now. we'll be right back with tig notaro
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stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ presentation, tim. could you email me the part about geico making it easy to switch and save hundreds? oh yeah, sure. um. you don't know my name, do you? (laughs nervously) of course i know your name. i just get you mixed up with the other guy. what's his name? what's your name? switch to geico®. you could save 15% or more on car insurance. could you just tell me? i want this to be over. i'm jimmy dean, and only one like this any nicer.ning a hearty, hefty, good tasting breakfast. with eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese and taters. and when you finish, you know you had something to eat. olay's new retinol24 faced the competition and rose above. olay's retinol24 complex
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest is an emmy and grammy-nominated comedian who you can see in the second season of her "funny or die" talk show called "under a a rock with tig notaro." please welcome the very funny tig notaro [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back haven't seen you in a while, i'm glad you're here
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>> i'm very happy to be here, jimmy, i love you. >> jimmy: it's been awhile since i last saw you, how's everything going >> things are good i mean, i actually just had spinal fusion. [ light laughter ] wow. you're going to love this, there were a lot of complications. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: tig, they're not laughing at you. they're laugh -- tig, i'm sorry about that. >> my intestines shut down >> jimmy: okay ow >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm sorry about that >> that's okay but -- >> jimmy: that's terrible. >> as long as i get a laugh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, that's awful, that's awful news. >> i'm doing better. >> jimmy: good >> but i was hospitalized for a while with these complications, and every day that they were adding more time to my stay i started to kind of have anxiety and panic attacks, which i don't normally have in my life. but i was in so much pain, and it was just being extended and they put me on ativan, which people take for those kind of attacks.
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and of course i was allergic to it [ laughter ] and i started -- guys >> jimmy: i know >> i started hallucinating, but i wasn't on my phone much, to say the least. >> jimmy: yeah >> and then my wife saw me reach for my phone and she was like, "oh, wait. wait, what are you doing?" and i said, "patrick is checking to see how i'm doing. and she said, "let me see what you wrote. and i was like, "pff, fine." i hand her the phone and she said, "yeah, you can't send that." and what the text said was - and again, i wasn't trying to be funny i was just really responding to him. i said, "yeah, patrick, things have been getting worse to a a towel. [ light laughter ] and then in parentheses it said, "i see tractor!"
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[ laughter ] exclamation point. and then also, chb and everybody when i tell them this story always ask, what's chb? >> jimmy: what's chb >> yeah. my question is, what is getting worse to a towel [ light laughter ] i mean, how does nobody ask that question? everyone's like, well, "yeah, of course it was getting worse to a towel." >> jimmy: yeah >> "you had spinal fusion. but i love - >> jimmy: what's worse to a towel. >> yeah, that's when it's bad. >> jimmy: yeah, i see tractor. >> yeah, not a tractor, cause clearly i was in a panic, it was coming towards me. i didn't have time to write the whole sentence [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you're just reacting, i see tractor! >> i see tractor >> jimmy: tractor, in parentheses. >> i had the wherewithal to put it in parentheses. and then of course, you know, chb. >> jimmy: chb, what could that be, i have no idea >> it was nothing, jimmy >> jimmy: no
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[ laughter ] >> i was hallucinating [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i got to be honest i went up to give you a little high five earlier and you didn't - >> i don't give high fives >> jimmy: i didn't -- did i know that about you? >> well, it's on national television now [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow, i didn't know i thought we've high five'd before >> absolutely not. >> jimmy: i got excited, i haven't seen you in a while, we've never high five'd? >> i never experience an emotion that calls for a high five [ laughter ] >> jimmy: see, i live constantly in that emotion [ light laughter ] i'm always about that. >> when people go to high five me -- here's what i do go to high five me question and then you say, "can i high five you?" let's start over >> jimmy: all right. can i high five you? >> no, no, no. no you have to go to -- i said let's start over >> jimmy: okay >> so, go to high five me. >> jimmy: oh >> question? >> jimmy: can i high five you? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you make me do the whole thing? [ cymbal crash ] >> thank you
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>> jimmy: why would you be so cruel? how about a fist bump. are you a fist bumper? ew [ laughter ] what'd you do that for, that was weird. what would you do that to me for? what's wrong with you? >> i think all the hand jive stuff is weird >> jimmy: really, you kind of bummed me out a little bit [ light laughter ] is this on >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, this is on, yeah of course. >> is it really? >> jimmy: yeah, sure >> if it was turned off, would this show shut down? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's kind of a little bit for show business stuff like that. old-timey microphone >> yeah. >> jimmy: but if -- i have used it before. >> i've done other talk shows and nobody needs one of these. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not true. i mean - >> no, it is true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, it's not >> it is [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah. >> jimmy: because if you want to do -- >> hello [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not working, it's not on. it' not on right now but they can turn it on. it's usually good for like if you do like a wrestling intro or something >> are we about to wrestle [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, but i can give you an intro like -- >> i thought you were setting me up to wrestle and i don't know if you
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remember, but i just had back fusion [ laughter ] i see tractor! >> jimmy: no do you - >> i see tractor [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, do you know what my secret move is? >> finger in the hand hole >> jimmy: no [ laughter ] no, it's the crazy head butt also known as the chb! can you hear this microphone >> chb i want to talk about "under a rock." >> oh, i do too. that's why i came here [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah i think it's such a good idea for a show >> thank you >> jimmy: i think it's brilliant. basically what happens is they bring you -- it's a talk show that you host. you probably have a microphone, stuff like this on the desk. >> absolutely not. [ light laughter ]
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>> jimmy: and you talk to a person that you have no idea, you have no idea who they are. >> yeah, the producers give me -- i don't follow a lot of pop culture. and so they give me what they call are face sheets and they're celebrities but their names aren't on them and i go through, and i say, never seen them in my life, yep, nope, nope, nope, nope. and then whoever i say i've never seen, then they reach out to their reps, and then their reps, meaning agents and what have you, and then if -- >> jimmy: short for representatives. >> representatives [ light laughter ] and yeah and then if they agree to come on the show, then i interview them face-to-face, and try and figure out if they're a singer, an actor - >> jimmy: how are they famous, or how would you know them >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, so you've had people on -- james van der beek has been on. >> correct >> jimmy: you had no idea about "dawson's creek" or any of that stuff? >> never seen the man in my life
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[ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you had -- you had wolfgang puck. >> yeah. i've eaten his food, i just didn't look at his face. [ light laughter ] i didn't look at the can i just opened it >> jimmy: does he sell canned food >> i don't know. [ laughter ] i was too -- >> jimmy: i think he sells pizza. >> yeah, i think he sells more than pizza >> jimmy: i don't think so >> i was very -- [ light laughter ] i was very hungry, and i tore through whatever packaging he had. i just didn't look at his face >> jimmy: a can you tore through? wow. [ light laughter ] kaley cuoco, you had to know her. >> i did not know her, she was so funny, though in fact, my producers, they're kind of used to being shocked -- and obviously i do know who some celebrities were. i've worked with them, socialized with them anyway, with kaley, the producers were so shocked that they -- and on each face sheet there's about 10 different faces. they snuck different angles of her face onto like five different face sheets because they're like, "how does she not know her?"
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>> jimmy: i want to show a a clip here's tig notaro with kaley cuoco on "under a rock," take a look at this. >> so happy to be here >> are you >> yeah. >> i'm thrilled to have you here [ light laughter ] >> no clue though, none, right >> no, not yet >> no. >> no. >> all right >> how does that feel? >> it -- it's new. >> it's new. >> yeah. yeah i usually get it with the sound of my voice sometimes. >> okay. >> yeah, but maybe not >> are you a singer? >> no, i'm not >> can you sing? >> no. >> would you sing? >> i'll do anything you want me to, absolutely >> two, three, and - ♪ that's enough. that is enough [ laughter and applause it wasn't that you sounded bad, it just -- >> didn't feel right >> it didn't >> yeah. >> it felt like -- >> like someone asked me to sing >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's exactly what it felt like [ cheers and applause tig notaro new episodes of "under a rock" are released every tuesday on "funny or die.
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did i hit everything "star trek discovery" as well. check it out on cbs streaming. >> that's right. >> jimmy: yeah, and then your standup tour >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you have a name for your tour? >> no. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: just your name >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a great name. >> thank you >> jimmy: tig notaro, everybody. [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with colin o'brady! stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: my next guest is a a world record holding explorer he's the first person in history to walk across antarctica alone and unsupported. and tonight he's announcing his next expedition. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome colin o'brady!
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: colin, welcome to the show this is unbelievable, what -- what you've done explain what this is the first solo crossing. >> so last year i became the very first person in history to cross antarctica solo unsupported, and completely human powered. so i had a 375-pound sled behind me. no resupplies of food or fuel or anything like that. so no one could pick me up a thousand mile journey to get to the south pole. and then to the other side no one in history had ever done that i heard in your opening monologue, you did mention that 50% of people don't change their underwear every day. i may have been skewing that up, because i did 54 days in the same pair of underwear to save on weight [ audience groans >> jimmy: and everyone is getting a free pair of his underwater tonight so congratulations, everybody. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] i mean, this is insane i don't even know how you would get enough speed to pull this thing.
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how does this work >> 54 days, roughly a thousand miles, 375 pounds. it was very slow going the average temperature was about minus 30 degrees and with the wind blowing, it'd get minus 75, minus 80 so it was a long, cold walk. >> jimmy: it was like that in new york today >> yeah, it was -- [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: tonight, you're going to announce your next crazy adventure. >> yes >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. what is this called? this is the -- >> the next adventure we're calling it "the impossible row. get this i've never rowed a boat anywhere in my life. but, me and a team -- i'm not alone this time. but a team of six of us. we're going to attempt to be the first people in history to ever row a boat across drake passage. so that's from the southern tip of south america all the way to antarctica it's known in seafaring as the most dangerous crossing in the world, where the atlantic, and the pacific, and the southern earth's oceans all converge. like i said, i've never rowed a boat before. but we do have a great captain by the name of fiann paul, whose one of the most experienced ocean rowers in the world. but it's kind of applying this mindset to see if i can achieve something that a lot of people have said is impossible. and get it all the way across drake passage, facing, you know, 30, 40-foot waves.
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icebergs, the whole deal >> jimmy: oh, no [ light laughter ] >> and actually -- jimmy, i did say - i did say that there was a team of six but i left a spot on the boat open for you so -- i'm just saying. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: absolutely no, please [ applause ] when do you start this and how are you going to train for this >> so it starts in two weeks i leave -- it's the month of december what's really exciting - >> jimmy: colin, what are you doing? [ light laughter ] you have a good attitude, i love that. >> well, i just started rowing a boat last week so i figured give myself a a couple of weeks to prepare i've been preparing for a little while but what's really exciting about it is, to me, the live storytelling component so when i was crossing antarctica, i was able to send like one kinda grainy satellite image to my instagram. people could follow it along but this time we have discovery doing a massive production around the entire thing. we've got the best satellite technology so you're actually going to be able to follow this thing live in real time through my social media accounts, you know, instagram @colinobrady, @discovery there's gonna be content coming out everyday so when you're at home with
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your family over holidays -- >> jimmy: yeah >> you can tune in and see me in a tiny little row boat, bouncing around in 30, 40-foot swells [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i am going to be doing it >> and you're gonna be very grateful that you're inside and warm >> jimmy: yes, i will. and i'll be rooting for you all the way, buddy i have one little thing i wanted to give you and that's since the name of the expedition is the drake passage. here's a tiny picture of drake [ light laughter ] that's drake [ applause ] he can go anywhere he can go anywhere he's good luck he's good luck >> i'm going to take my man drake with me. but, you know, i've got a sat phone out there. that's how we're connecting to discovery and everything but it's not "hotline bling," it's going to be the sat phone bling. [ light laughter ] bringing drake with me the entire time. >> jimmy: sat phone bling. break a leg, buddy we're so psyched you came on our show >> thank you >> jimmy: good luck. and we'll be following you >> such a pleasure >> jimmy: thank you very much. [ cheers and applause colin o'brady. everybody make sure you follow along as colin attempts to make history again. we'll be right back with shin lim, everybody. stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪
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state farm is challenging us, every good act we do goes... on the board. it's on. at state farm, we're challenging ourselves to each do 100 acts of good. on the board little one. i'm here with state farm employee max, who is saving a beached whale. max... on the board! on the board! (cheering) this man has become an absolute hero. giving back starts with us. join us at®. tothe problem is corporationsfix anything. and the people who run and own them have purchased our democracy. here's the difference between me and the other candidates. i don't think we can fix our democracy from the inside. i don't believe washington politicians and big corporations will let that happen. the only way we can make change happen is from the outside. for me, this comes down to whether you trust the politicians or the people. and if you say you trust the people, are you willing to stand up to the insiders and the big corporations,
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and give the people the tools they need to fix our democracy. a national referendum. term limits. eliminating corporate money in politics. making it easy to vote. i trust the people. and as president, i will give you tools we need to fix our democracy. i'm tom steyer, and i approve this message. a lot of folks ask me why their dishwasher doesn't get everything clean. i tell them, it may be your detergent... that's why more dishwasher brands recommend cascade platinum. it's specially-designed with the soaking, scrubbing and rinsing built right in. cascade platinum's unique actionpacs dissolve quickly... remove stuck-on food. . . for sparkling-clean dishes, the first time. choose the detergent that lets your dishwasher do the dishes! cascade platinum. the number one recommended brand in north america. ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we are joined right now by an incredible young magician. he is a two-time winner of "america's got talent. and now he has his own las vegas residency at the mirage called "limitless." give it up for shin lim! [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: thank you.
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>> all right, quest, do you mind helping me out? all right. go ahead take a look at this deck >> questlove: yes. >> run though the cards and take one card out of the deck. >> questlove: okay >> now, jimmy, i've kind of made my entire career out of 52 playing cards which is kind of crazy if you think about it >> jimmy: 52 >> i want to take it to the next level instead of using 52 cards, i'm just going to use one. you got it >> questlove: i got it >> any card. okay - give it to me, give it to me, the card >> questlove: yes. >> all right watch, look. all right, cool, cool. we have the card now instead of focusing on the card, i want you to focus just on the corner of the card. what is it queen of spades, okay watch. focus on the corner. i'm gonna -- you can actually hear the rip happening yeah the top right, i'll take it completely off look, jimmy. i want you to just focus on this can you blow on the corner go ahead look, just like that it vanishes completely look, quest, i didn't go anywhere near you, no? turn around and show your back to the camera. go ahead, turn around, turn around turn around. look at the screen up there. look at the screen up there. [ audience ohs ] and look it's a -- >> questlove: yo >> actually, quest, i don't want to touch anything ♪ take the card, take it, take it take the corner, yeah, yeah. grab it.
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reach over and grab it, yeah >> questlove: this >> we'll place the queen over there -- yeah, yeah >> questlove: okay >> no, grab the corner did you grab it? >> questlove: i grabbed it, yeah >> you grabbed it, you have it >> questlove: yes. >> grab the -- there we go, okay [ light laughter ] i thought you vanished the corner for a second. look, watch, jimmy i'll tell you what hand it like this. >> jimmy: yeah >> okay, great we're going to place it into your hand. close your hand up i want you to just focus on that piece i want you to focus as much as possible you're gonna start -- look, nothing in my hands. lower your hand, lower your hand watch, you're going to slowly start to feel something interesting. the piece is going to start to slowly somehow disintegrate. you're going to notice - [ audience ohs ] watch. open up your hand. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> wait, no, no. [ scattered cheers ] not only does the piece vanish, jimmy, look at the queen watch the queen. one, two, three! and it reappears over here [ audience ohs ] they're in different pieces. see, look. it's in different -- four different pieces jimmy, tell you what - [ light laughter ] no, jimmy, you're going to have to help me out on this okay. >> jimmy: no >> no, no, no. [ laughter ] you're gonna have to help me >> jimmy: i'm going to run away i'm gonna run away i'm gonna run away >> the trick's not done yet. the trick's not done yet on the count of three. you're going to help me count to three okay, ready? watch. one, two - >> jimmy: one, two - >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: sorry, i'll start
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with one, ready? >> okay, ready >> together: one, two, three >> and look, they reappear right over here. but, jimmy, look it's still missing a corner. it's still missing a corner. right? >> jimmy: yes. >> tell you what, your tie can you take your tie? flip up your tie take out your tie. and flip it over [ audience ohs ] ♪ >> jimmy: how did you do that? oh, my gosh. this guy is unbelievable whoa [ audience ohs ] >> nothing on the back, nothing on the front jimmy, here you go [ cheers and applause merry christmas, man thank you for having me. >> jimmy: shin lim [ cheers and applause for tickets to "limitless" go to more "tonight show" after the break. stick around, everybody. what!? [ cheers and applause ♪ ok, network inspection. -ok.
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: my thanks to celine dion, tig notaro, colin o'brady. shin lim, once again [ cheers and applause and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great weekend hope to see you next week. bye-bye, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- emma thompson, from "snl", actor and comedian alex moffat, from "slave play", playwright jeremy o. harris featuring the 8g band with emily moon ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that is great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news


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