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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  January 6, 2020 11:34pm-12:38am PST

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finally tonight, one stem closer to having high-speed internet across the globe. >> ignition, lift off. >> cape canaveral spacex launching 50 million satellites out of our at misses fear. there's already about 120 satellites orbiting earth. thousands more need to be deployed before stuling is complete. they want the whole world wired. have a great day tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his
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guests - shaquille o'neal jacqueline novak musical guest lil baby and featuring the legendary roots crew >> questlove: 1181 >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: thank you very much! what a crowd i missed you happy 2020, everybody, hey [ cheers and applause welcome to "the tonight show." i want to wish everyone a happy
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new year i saw that for 2020, a lot of people are making the resolution to drink more water [ light laughter ] that's why for the last six days, college kids have woken up next to a pile of empty coors lights [ laughter ] this is fun. i saw that people ar participating in the 2020 tipping challenge you hear about this? it's where you tip waiters $20.20 in honor of the new year waiters heard that and they're like, "that's great, except your bill was $500." [ laughter ] let's get to some news the big stories, everything going on with iran a little scary but on the bright side, it's the first time trump's ever said "i" and "ran" in the same sentence [ laughter ] that's right, there's so much going on right now tensions with iran are high. people are worried about world war iii. tom brady and the new england patriots got knocked out of the nfl playoffs in the first round. [ cheers and applause justin bieber just released a new song [ cheers and applause
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called "yummy. [ laughter ] and papa john's founder john schnatter says his new year's resolution is to eat 50 pizzas in 30 days these are all big stories. [ laughter and applause a lot to go over let's just jump in and cover it all at once. time for "news smash." [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: first up, since president trump ordered a strike on iran's top general, people have been warning that world war iii could break out. a lot of experts say the strike was a bad idea almost as bad as eating 50 pizzas in 30 days [ laughter ] papa john says he's doing it to test the quality of the pizza. that's a pretty unhealthy diet you know who definitely doesn't eat like that? tom brady. [ light laughter ] saturday his patriots got knocked out of the playoffs. football fans still call him the greatest of all time, while every woman in boston still calls him yummy. [ laughter ] justin bieber's new song just dropped and in the music video, he eats cake, jello, and lobster. which is still better for you than eating 50 pizzas in
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30 days. [ laughter and applause seriously, eating like that is like looking at your stomach and declaring war. [ light laughter ] if he wants to avoid a bigger conflict, trump needs to talk things out with iran earlier today, he was like - ♪ is it too late no to say sorry ♪ [ laughter ] justin bieber's back with another single he's young, he's on top of his game he's pretty much the opposite of tom brady he had a solid year, but just like that, it's over you could tell brady is depressed because ever since he lost as he's been eating is papa john's. [ light laughter ] listen, 50 pizzas in 30 days isn't a new year's resolution, it's a death wish. it's all over. kind of like the patriots season [ light laughter ] still, brady says he'll play until he's 45. either he's serious or he's totally full of papa john's. [ laughter ] so in conclusion, have a safe new year have a yummy new year. [ laughter ] have an intervention this year maybe next year. [ cheers and applause
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listen to this before the iran strike, trump told some guests at mar-a-lago that something huge was coming but he never told congress which means there's a really good chance that sugar ray's mark mcgrath heard about the strike before nancy pelosi [ laughter ] past presidents including george w. bush declined taking out iran's top commander because it could lead to war you know things are bad when even george w. bush was like, "this could really mess things up in the middle east. [ laughter ] after the attack, iran said it was pulling out of the 2015 nuclear deal. so this morning, trump tweeted, "iran will never have a nuclear weapon." because nothing calms tensions quite like an all caps threat on social media. [ laughter ] according to a new poll, republicans top choices for president in 2024 include ivanka and donald trump jr meanwhile, eric just got his tongue unstuck from a pole he licked on christmas. [ laughter and applause i did. i did it >> steve: maybe senate >> jimmy: some 2020 news, i saw that bernie sanders is now in
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a three-way tie for first place in new hampshire [ cheers and applause and if one of your new year's resolutions was to "eat less," just remember the phrase, "bernie sanders is now in a three-way. [ laughter ] well, last night was the golden globe awards and russell crowe won for his role in the mini series, "the loudest voice. when he heard that, bernie sanders was like, "how the hell did i not win that? [ laughter ] tonight was the season premiere of "the bachelor." we love that show. [ cheers and applause i love "the bachelor." i'm excitied the new bachelor is peter. he's actually a pilot for delta. when he's sitting by the fire on the date and the girl asks for a blanket, he'll be like, "that will be $9." [ laughter ] police in pennsylvania are investigating after someone intentionally released bedbugs in a walmart changing room >> steve: what [ audience oohs >> jimmy: luckily, no one was affected mostly because everyone at walmart just tries on pants right in the aisles
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[ laughter ] no rules there >> steve: fit! >> jimmy: an finally, listen to this i read about some high school students in michigan who built the world's tallest toilet paper pyramid. take a look at this. yeah [ audience oohs if you want to see that toilet paper pyramid in person, it's currently right outside papa john's bathroom. [ laughter ] we have a great show give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. our first show back for 2020 there you go i'm so happy we've got this great crowd here we have a great guest. shaquille o'neal is here my man [ cheers and applause my main dude i love that guy. also, the super funny jacqueline novak is here [ cheers and applause
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and we've got great music from lil baby, everybody, come on [ cheers and applause "my turn." guys, before we start, i want to send a quick shoutout to all of our friends watching in australia. they are battling devastating fires over there right now when you see pictures, it doesn't even seem real 15 million acres burned. lost thousands of homes. wildlife displaced 3,000 firefighters are working if you'd like to donate, you can give to the australian red cross at every little bit helps and they need the help. we love you, australia [ cheers and applause i'm happy to be back i had a good break i had the best new year's eve i've had in, like, years it was fantastic >> steve: what did you do? >> jimmy: i went to los angeles to visit some friends. i was out in l.a so me and my wife, we're like old people now, so we go to dinner at 5:00 [ light laughter ] that's just our thing. we love it so actually it was a little
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late for us, we went to dinner at 6:00. >> steve: what >> jimmy: so i'm at the polo lounge in beverly hills. we go in, there's no one there there's two women, pretty, just sitting there, they were eating dinner and we go over and sit down. one woman comes over to me and she goes, "i'm sorry, i had to come over and say something. i'm dwayne johnson's mother. the rock i go, "yeah. dude, we love him. we love dwayne." she goes, "yeah he loves you too. i just had to say hi because he talks -- i go, "oh my gosh, let's take a picture on your phone. so we took a picture i go, "you know what, hold on a second." i went and got tiaras and hats from the restaurant. and balloons, and an empty champagne bottle i go, let's take a picture like we're raging out [ light laughter ] anyhow, so i'm like taking pictures like she's chugging the champagne. i go, "send this to dwayne at like, midnight and go, 'dude, i'm partying with jimmy fallon, it's crazy.'" and she is there with his mother-in-law too. those are the two. so then they send the picture, they're laughing they go, this picture is so funny. they actually do get a bottle of champagne they go, you've got to look at the pictures she walks over
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i forget who but they knock over the bottle of champagne, chilling it's ice, water, champagne, everywhere i'm like, oh my gosh she goes, "no, get your phone back out." i laid on the floor. my tie [ laughter and applause i go, "send him that picture after. he's wasted. 6:30 so dwayne calls and he buys us dinner him and his wife bought me and my wife dinner, which is very nice, so we said thank you, dwayne it's the end of the night for us around 8:00, probably. [ light laughter ] so i'm at the polo lounge. they have a piano player there his name is george i know him, he's great and he goes, "jimmy, do you want to sing a sing or something before you leave?" i go, "sure. so i sang "what are you doing new year's eve?" ♪ what are you doin new year new year's eve ♪ whatever it was better than that. anyway, i finished the song. now the restaurant is packed everyone clapped, it was very nice and then this guy comes up he gives me a $100 bill and he goes, "that's the most beautiful song i've heard. you have such a great voice. brought a tear to my eye sylvester stallone." [ laughter ] his timing was perfect
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he's like, "yo, that was the most beautiful thing i ever heard. it was so funny. then i went back, watched the ball drop and went to bed at 10:30 i'm like, awesome new year's eve. fantastic. guys, it can be hard to say good-bye, but sometimes you have to and there are a few things i'd like to say good-bye to right now it's time for "go on, git. [ cheers and applause ♪ go on git go on gi go on go o go on git ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: oh my gosh >> jimmy: go on, go on, git, shovels. you've been getting a free pass for far too long but it's time somebody says it like it is you're just a big spoons for dirt no, go on, git and take your rakes with you we all know they're just ground combs. [ laughter and applause go on, git, new year's resolutions. you're telling me i have to start eating more vegetables
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just because the earth spun all the way around the sun again [ light laughter ] big deal, new year's resolutions. i'm going to say to you what the police said to me when i drove my tractor on the highway so i could get to benihana before 5:00 p.m. "go on, git. [ laughter and applause >> steve: oh, no >> jimmy: go on, git go on, git this one splintered off a little [ laughter ] go on, git $300 coffee makers they sell at starbucks. you know the only reason i'm at starbucks is because i don't want to make my own coffee, right? what's your end game here? that i buy one of those things and never come to starbucks again? boy howdy, that's a bad business strategy. that's a 2% no foam, half caff, triple pump, git [ laughter and applause go on, git, hockey pucks y'all know you're just hamburgers i can't eat [ laughter ]
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ya can't fool me twice now go on, git [ laughter and applause go on, git, yogurts that spray a little yogurt when you open them up. [ laughter ] i shouldn't have to call in the yogurt bomb squad every time i want to enjoy some chobani while riding my horse, chobani that's right, i named my horse chobani. no, not after the yogurt, chobani, after my friend, terry chobani. now git, spraying yogurt, git. [ applause ] >> steve: you named your horse chobani? >> jimmy: go on, git, baby pandas no, i'm just playing with you. you can stay [ laughter ] i love you baby pandas, come on back i love you [ light laughter ] go on, git, hamburger helper hand i sure do appreciate all that you do for ground beef but let's face it, you're an abomination. an affront to nature what are you, anyway an oven mitt that wished to be
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a real boy it makes me ill to think about you. i'd give you the middle finger but you wouldn't even know what that is because you don't' have one. [ laughter ] i hate you hamburger helper hand i hate you, git. [ laughter and applause hard to see them go but i'm glad i got it out of my system we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ i'm your mother in law. and i like to question your every move. like this left turn. it's the next one. you always drive this slow? how did you make someone i love? that must be why you're always so late. i do not speed. and that's saving me cash with drivewise. my son, he did say that you were the safe option. and that's the nicest thing you ever said to me. so get allstate. stop bossing. where good drivers save 40% for avoiding mayhem, like me. this is my son's favorite color, you should try it. [mayhem] you always drive like an old lady? [tina] you're an old lady. ♪ chili's 3 for $10 steak, cooked how you like ♪ ♪ it's tender and juicy and aged to perfection ♪ ♪ that may sound fancy, but it's chili's fancy ♪
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i'm katie sowers, offensive assistant coach for the san francisco 49ers. i'm not just here to be the token female, i'm here to help us win. the surface pro helps me get what's in my head and get it out on to the field. i would want to tell this little girl to keep pushing herself, your dream's coming.
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: hey. welcome back, everybody. it is time for a game of random instrument challenge here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: and playing with me is the legend himself, shaquille o'neal [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: wow. that's what i'm talking about. that's what i'm talking about. look at that that's a stud right there. come on. [ cheers and applause the one and only the one and only that's what i'm talking about. looking good, buddy. what [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause my gosh. >> happy new year. happy new year >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> yes >> jimmy: unbelievable
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[ laughter ] i'm blushing i'm blushing [ laughter ] if you're just tuning in, this is "the bachelor." [ laughter ] all right, here's the deal on your turn, you pick a card from the board which will give you a name of a random song then you pick from this box, right here and this will give you a random instrument then you'll have to play that song with that instrument. and if the roots can guess what a point.'re playing, you get a is that cool [ laughter ] all right, since i'm the host - [ laughter ] since i'm the host, i'll go first. okay >> okay. >> jimmy: here we go which number >> six >> jimmy: there we go. six is it. oh, oh, oh, oh, okay okay, and i'm going to play. oh, gosh steel drum [ light laughter ] all right, here we go. [ laughter ] come on, roots, really listen. alright? you got to really pay attention to this. cause i don't know if this is going to be -- ♪ oh, 30 seconds on the clock. here we go all right, go. ♪ wait, what ♪ sorry. ♪ oh ♪
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>> huh [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: wait ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] >> questlove: play the rhythm. ♪ >> jimmy: wait, sorry. ready, here we go. ready. ♪ >> i got it. ♪ i got it [ laughter ] >> "this is how we do it?" >> jimmy: yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause >> hell no [ applause ] hell no. ♪ this is how we do it ♪ [ laughter ] >> what number what number? [ audience screams ] >> four? got it [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, look at how big you are, dude. it feels like -- looks like russian dolls. i feel like i could fit inside of you [ laughter ] and wear you almost, like -- >> excuse me roots, what's an oboe [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no oh, that's this thing? >> no.
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>> jimmy: that thing >> in front of the violin. >> jimmy: in front of the violin >> what's a violin [ laughter ] >> jimmy: stop it. >> oh, this? >> yes >> jimmy: that's the oboe? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause shaq, do it into the microphone >> what? i blow in it [ laughter ] ♪ okay ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ [ indiscernible [ cheers and applause ♪ >> yeah. >> jimmy: "whip nae nae? >> yeah. [ laughter ] ♪ yeah [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: nine [ audience screaming ] all right. >> yeah, i'm ready now
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>> jimmy: oh [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a -- a double -- contra - bass flute bass flute contra base? what the heck is that thing? what song am i - [ laughter ] [ laughter ] i don't even how the heck do you hold it? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do i lift it off on this i leave it where it is i have no clue at even - [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ >> wait. one, two, three and -- [ blowing air >> hall and oats, "man eater."
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, it's not "man eater. you can't guess. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] "call me maybe" by carly rae jepsen obviously. >> who [ laughter ] >> jimmy: obviously. [ cheers and applause [ audience screaming ] [ laughter ] >> oh, you're going down [ laughter ] you're going down on this one buddy. [ laughter ] >> electric violin the red thing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yep. >> all right, cool this is easy [ laughter ] [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ mary had a little lamb - ♪ [ laughter ] [ audience screaming ]
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♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's cheating. >> that -- >> jimmy: that was - >> i did not mouth the words >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] i wasn't watching. all right, this last round let's join forces. [ audience screaming ] and do a song. we're going to do a song together all right, here we go. okay, that's good. both see the instruments here we go you play, pick which one all right, i got - [ laughter ] all right, i guess i got the harp okay >> you can pass, you want to pass >> jimmy: no, i can do it. >> you go tuba, i'll do harp >> tuba is this big thing? >> jimmy: tuba's this thing. >> what's that thing >> jimmy: tuba, that's a a different tuba [ laughter ] >> all right >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ]
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>> what? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. [ blowing air [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you got to - [ laughter ] shaq -- you got to go like - ♪ there you go [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] all right, ready ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ you can't pick a different thing. >> vuvuzela -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah that's this. >> oh, yeah, i got that one. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you got this one we got this one. we got this one, ready >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: ready roots? ♪ ♪ >> "old town road," "old town road." ♪ [ ding ] ♪ >> jimmy: shaquille o'neal, everybody! "old town road." we're going to talk to him about being a the krispy kreme's resolution coach after the break. stick around, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause
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cheez-it snap'd. how does it taste? it's so thin, crispy and cheesy. and i just want to keep eating it. i've done it! and eating it...! they love em! snap'd. so good, we may run out of cheese. thanks, stef! no more driving that old hand-me-down. surprise!
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: our first guest is one of the most dominant players in nba history he anchors "inside the nba" on tnt. and he's teamed up with krispy kreme donuts for a brand-new menu item. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome shaquille o'neal [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god. shaq, happy new year welcome back
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you are our first guest of the decade >> thanks, my boy. >> jimmy: thank you for being here [ cheers and applause >> thanks, my boy. >> jimmy: yeah, boy boy. is it -- >> no, no, my boy. >> jimmy: now it's my boy now? >> yeah, what's up, my boy [ laughter ] say it >> jimmy: what's up, my boy? >> no, no, you go, "what's up, my boy?" >> jimmy: what's up, my boy? >> yeah, yeah, that was it >> jimmy: oh, that's it? [ laughter ] last time my nickname was boy boy. >> it was boy boy. but now it's my boy. >> jimmy: my boy yeah >> "it's not my boy. my boy [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my boy >> you're not my boy >> jimmy: no, not my boy my boy >> no, man, you're not from england. you're from new york >> jimmy: my boy >> yeah, like that >> jimmy: my boy >> yeah, my boy. >> jimmy: that's right [ laughter ] how -- >> how you been? >> jimmy: i'm great. everything's fantastic how are your kids? >> they're fine. >> jimmy: they're good how's shareef doing? he was just -- he had the heart thing. >> no, he's good he's playing at ucla he's doing - >> jimmy: he's playing again he's back. [ cheers and applause so happy -- so happy to hear that >> thank you >> jimmy: but it's your daughter who i think is going to be the best basketball player in your family. >> yes my youngest daughter me'arah is the best one in the family >> jimmy: how tall is me'arah?
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>> she's 6'3" now. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: did you -- do you ever play her one on one >> no, of course not >> jimmy: 'cause why >> i don't want to beat her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, right. come on. >> yeah, right, nothing. i don't hold back when i step on the court [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, you know what, i want to ask you -- >> old ladies, babies. >> jimmy: this is -- [ laughter ] >> yeah, you step -- >> jimmy: you play babies? >> yeah, you step on the court with these -- yeah, you step on the court with these, you got to get that elbow damage [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my this going around the internet right here this is a meme someone made this up this is lebron and a.d. versus you and kobe if that ever happened and everyone is wondering, in your prime, do you think you could beat lebron and a.d., you and kobe >> do i think or do i know [ cheers and applause i don't -- >> jimmy: what >> i don't like having these conversations because, of course, they can never be answered, but yes. the answer is yes. hell yes >> jimmy: yeah >> hell yes. [ cheers and applause >> course. >> jimmy: of course. >> yeah. >> jimmy: really no brainer >> yeah. i mean, because there's only one contributing factor. who gon' guard me?
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[ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's right no one can do that >> no, they cannot >> jimmy: that's right they can't do it [ laughter ] >> not at all. >> jimmy: can i just ask you this question again? 'cause there's no way that this is true. >> don't do it [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's no way this is - >> go ahead. i know what you're going to ask me >> jimmy: you think stevie wonder can see? >> listen -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? what are you talking about >> listen, i'm saying -- >> jimmy: that's the craziest thing ever >> i'm saying we lived in a building together on wilshire boulevard >> jimmy: talk to me wait, all right. you lived in a building with stevie >> with stevie, okay and we used to have to drive to the bottom underneath to park your car >> jimmy: uh-huh >> i'm coming through the first floor that day it goes down because when i got in i didn't press a button so it went down first. stevie got it, i'm standing in the corner i didn't say nothing and he looked over and he's like, "what up, big diesel?" [ laughter ] and he turned his head, hit his button, and got off. [ laughter ] listen - >> jimmy: come on. >> i'm telling you what happened i don't know if i was just smelling from practice that day. but he just turned around, "what's up, diesel?" hit his button, yeah
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: there's no way that's not true at all >> i'm telling you - >> jimmy: no, that's fake. [ laughter ] >> it happened no >> jimmy: that's a fake story. >> it's not. >> jimmy: oh, yeah it is >> it's a real story have i ever lied to you? >> jimmy: it's a made up story >> have i ever lied to you have i ever lied to you? >> jimmy: you've never lied to me >> thank you >> jimmy: we got to have stevie on the show and ask him once and for all. >> no, don't ask him that question [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're doing this thing in shaq's fun house. >> yes, shaq's fun house >> jimmy: this is super bowl weekend in miami you did this, what, the third year you're doing this now >> i think it's the fourth year >> jimmy: yeah >> but - >> jimmy: why did you decide to do this? >> as questlove and the roots know, most super bowl parties, you just get a bunch of people just sitting around, looking at each other nobody's having fun. i been to those all my life. i said, "okay, i want to do something that's never been done party, bringing carnival people, bringing food, bringing my favorite djs. let's get the party going. let's get it active. so this is the fourth year as you see, diddy's going to be there. diplo's going to be there. pitbull -- >> jimmy: pitbull. >> tiesto. >> jimmy: dababy >> dababy and a special guest. >> jimmy: what's your go-to song what a song that guarantees to
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get everyone dancing >> well, it depends. like, i do hip-hop and dubstep but i remember one time, i went to a corporate party >> jimmy: yeah >> and it was all white guys >> jimmy: yeah [ laughter ] >> so i had to switch it up. >> jimmy: what made everyone dance? ♪ take these broken wings [ laughter ] learn to fly again ♪ >> jimmy: that's not true. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's not true. >> yeah, yeah. then i had to -- >> jimmy: i love it. ♪ karma karma karma karma karma chameleo you come and g you come and go ♪ >> yeah, yeah, yeah. and then -- and then - ♪ i bless the rai down in africa ♪ >> jimmy: okay, yeah, you know me [ laughter ] all right, you know me you know me too well >> yup, yup. >> jimmy: talk to me about krispy kreme you're the -- what are you you're the - >> i'm the new year's resolutions coach. >> jimmy: you're the resolutions coach. >> resolutions >> jimmy: for krispy kreme now what does that mean? >> new decade. it's 2020. everyone, of course, on new year's night, we form resolutions. >> jimmy: yeah >> but studies show that by january 20 or 21st, we cancel our resolutions. so the best way to get through that is just to go ahead and
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cheat. [ laughter ] however -- however >> jimmy: yeah >> if you don't cheat all the way, are you really cheating so that's when myself and krispy kreme came out with the mini ones. >> jimmy: check this out, guys no, this is a great idea >> mini ones >> jimmy: krispy kreme minis these are -- >> krispy kreme mini >> jimmy: only 100 calories per donut. >> yeah. [ audience oohs >> jimmy: let's try one of these jams right here and toast to the new year. which one do you go with >> i'm going with the chocolate glazed >> jimmy: i'm just going regular glazed cheers happy new year, my friend. i love you come back. >> thank you >> jimmy: look at that tiny donut in your hand >> can you eat the whole thing without biting it? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you think i -- >> i'm asking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ready? >> can you eat the hole thing without biting go >> jimmy: all right, here we go one -- >> go. you go first >> jimmy: one, two, three -- >> nope, you bit it. ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ♪hter ] >> jimmy: you think i -- >> i'm a [ indiscernible [ cheers and applause ♪cheers and lause
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[ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much our next guest is a very funny comedian whose critically acclaimed off-broadway show "jacqueline novak: get on your knees" is currently running at the lucille lortel theatre right here in new york city. please welcome jacqueline novak [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's a -- already you're off to a great start. the 360 turn you look gorgeous.
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thank you for coming back. >> if you like to work it out. hello. >> jimmy: hi welcome back >> it's great to be back i'm over on the couch. >> jimmy: i know last time you were here you did stand-up >> i did which, you know, is an indignity in some senses >> jimmy: like, what do you -- >> well, you know to come out and go, "eh, laugh." you know, that sort of thing it's scary, jimmy, you know. >> jimmy: yeah, but it's fun you were great >> oh, no, i mean, i was -- yes, i was absolutely fantastic. [ cheers and applause i love doing stand-up here and i love - >> jimmy: did you always know that you wanted to do stand-up >> oh, um -- >> jimmy: because i think this little girl -- >> acting -- yeah. >> jimmy: wanted to be an actress, i feel like look at this [ laughter ] that's a little head shot there. now what was - >> oh, my god. i just want to say that what happened to me last time i was here was kind of interesting >> jimmy: oh, what >> because i came out and we practiced the set all around town it was four minutes. they were, like, "four and a a half minutes tops," you know, and i, like, tried it out, the whole thing. and then i got here and i came out and i couldn't tell if the crowd was, like, feeling me. so i was like -- i kinda needed to work with them. and so it ended up being, like, six and half minutes
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>> jimmy: why was it six and a a half minutes >> because i added a few spins [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i do remember you added -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: a couple spins >> yeah, just like - [ cheers and applause i mean - >> jimmy: yeah >> you know what i mean? >> jimmy: that's your move >> yeah, and i felt like it made everyone more comfortable i don't know, because it's, like, you know it's scary because, like, even though they can't see the audience, you know, they know they're on film even though they're not. they feel -- they're performing [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the audience is performing >> yeah, like, that was -- >> jimmy: them performing. >> absolutely. and, like, i thought it was beautiful. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think they did a a great job. yeah, i mean, should we all get up and do one twirl? [ cheers and applause do you want me to get the lights up? let's all do it. it's going to feel good. you're going to -- on a count of three, ready [ cheers and applause [ drum roll one, two, three. ♪ oh, my gosh. fantastic. happy new year, everybody! [ cheers and applause happy 2020 happy new year happy 2020 pal -- >> yes i - >> jimmy: you are the best
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>> the commercial -- the commercial was not where i got my artistic sort of satisfaction it was more at, you know, the elementary school, the talent shows, et cetera >> jimmy: what were you into >> "les mis" primarily that was - [ cheers ] yes. it was huge. it was huge for the nation but it was huge for me my greatest moment still -- was probably my performance as little gavroche in the second grade. a couple of my friends said, "hey, we're all doing 'annie.' we're all doing a 'hard knock life,' you know. >> jimmy: that's good. >> "let's all lay the orhpans, et cetera. and i just -- it was awkward, but i had to say, "no, no, i'm going to enlist my dad to play the piano and i'm doing little gavroche solo." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you broke out solo >> people always - no, they want to make you part of the chorus when, you know - >> jimmy: and you were ready to be a star. >> yeah, i knew i was. >> jimmy: you know what's funny? >> yeah. >> jimmy: we actually got footage of you performing. >> well, that's very sneaky. [ laughter ] okay >> jimmy: because we talked to your dad we really do
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i want to show everyone. here's jacqueline in her second grade talent show. this is real take a look at this. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> how do you do ♪ how do you do it's an entrance i'm so proud of it >> jimmy: and now -- >> and obviously, now look at us >> jimmy: look at you now. but now you're off broadway. >> yes >> jimmy: i mean, man, the reviews for your show is unbelievable >> really? >> jimmy: let me tell you something about -- >> i will. >> jimmy: "get on your knees." "new york times" critics pick on their best of theater 2019. time out, new york "novak's winning show does what the best comedy can do it changes the conversation. [ screams "new york magazine," "clearly her master work. [ screams "vanity fair," "'get on your knees' solidifies her place as a comedic powerhouse the rest of the world just needs to catch up. >> oh, my -- [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: bang can you explain what the show - >> in theory, it's about blow jobs >> jimmy: okay
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: in theory, okay. >> in the guest, as though, you know, it's a certain kind of show but truly it's very highbrow, it's very literary you know, it's spiritual some people say, you know, because they see the title and they go, "oh, oh, i know what it's about." and i go, "prayer. you know what i mean just because i don't think they should assume, to me, the blow job, and i'm only going to say it one more time, i think, that phrase >> jimmy: sure >> because i think we get two to three and then we're out, right? >> jimmy: sure, yeah, i think -- [ laughter ] yeah >> but to me, it's more about the blow job as a sort of -- well, i think it can be a rigorous spiritual practice if you consider it - [ laughter ] as an opportunity to exercise the virtue of humility [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's a great sell that's a great selling point sure, absolutely has your dad seen the show >> oh, yeah. mom and dad have seen it uncles have seen it. i actually brought inside my shapewear.
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my dad - [ laughter ] my dad - >> jimmy: inside your shapewear. >> yeah, well, you know. >> jimmy: yeah >> some call it lingerie why hide [ laughter ] my dad sent an email to my uncle who was coming to the show they were bringing -- the whole family was coming to the show. and i didn't know that he sent this until after, but i feel like it's a good selling point for the show >> jimmy: sure >> so i'm just going to read it >> jimmy: yep. >> this is to my uncle mark. he said -- my dad said, "hi, mark so great to see you guys got tickets to jacqueline's show, 'get on your knees.' i wanted to quote, warn you. there's a quote. [ light laughter ] "i wanted to warn you, as you can tell by the title, that her show contains strong sexual themes, is graphic, and highly personal as jacqueline has said herself, 'it's like going to a strip show, but even more intimate.' [ laughter ] this is material they would never allow on 'the tonight show. [ laughter ] it will not be everyone's cup of tea
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balancing this off however, is that her show is also witty, highbrow, and intellectual, as is all of her material." do you see the support isn't that beautiful [ light laughter ] and then he just said, "that's all. on a separate subject, are you seeing the stones? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's good. >> i think they were seeing the stones >> jimmy: were they seeing the stones >> yeah. >> jimmy: they're a great band >> yeah. >> jimmy: i got to say, congrats everyone - >> thank you >> jimmy: that i've run into that's seen this said it's brilliant. go - and how long is it running it's ending? >> no, we just extended it >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yes! [ cheers and applause >> thank you >> jimmy: that's big news. that's a twirl i'm twirling >> thank you >> jimmy: jacqueline novak for more info on her show -- [ cheers and applause go to we'll be right back with a a performance from lil baby. stick around [ cheers and applause ♪ i have moderate to severe pnow, there's skyrizi. ♪ things are getting clearer, yeah i feel free ♪ ♪ to bare my skin
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: performing "woah" from his upcoming album "my turn," give it up for lil baby [ engine revving ] ♪ ♪ new car very noisy. come through and it's roarin
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♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ you know i don't play. you know i ♪ bend her over then i -- he call gunna if yo want you a birkin ♪ ♪ oh baby you be lyin in your verses i be hearin' say you buyin' 'em purses ♪ ♪ i can't even li you ain't my typ you ain't even all that fine in person ♪ ♪ i can guarantee you if you my kind she got every ba you can imagine ♪ ♪ big house i can really be braggin' hundred thousand in my mouth like ♪ ♪ what's happenin not the big chea teeth that's embarrasin' he ain't me you ♪ ♪ can keep the comparison my probably on of the baddest good girl turned ♪ ♪ her into a savage dispatch got a problem in traffic we came through ♪ ♪ in matching g-wagon low key i've bee keeping it class could be really out ♪ ♪ here doin' 'em nast couldn't even se me in last yea just started and ♪ ♪ them in last gear i ain't even try to and i passed 'e giving looks i ♪ ♪ contribute to fashion drop a song i be giving them captions stand alone not ♪ ♪ your regular ra brand new car is noisy come through and it's roarin' ♪ ♪ you ain't gotta worry don't care about your boyfriend see me and get nervous ♪ ♪ i damn near did it perfect work hard and determin it's safe to say ♪ ♪ i earned it who yeah none of you guys get fly as me ♪ ♪ who matter of fact none of you guys
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get high as me ♪ ♪ who post my drip up dail just so they can see whoa ♪ ♪ turn me up some mor so my haters can hear it whoa i put the in ♪ ♪ the back of the car and i tell 'em to go she hit when she lan she bring me the bands ♪ ♪ she back on the roa she know how i get when i get in that mod ain't with ain't ♪ ♪ buying no clothes wanna do shows and make me some songs make sure that other ♪ ♪ come in get sol we with the stripper 'cause we play with pole we play with our money ♪ ♪ and not with our nose i used to go to th west to get load i just came back from ♪ ♪ the west with a troph i'm on some more she said she miss it and sendin' emojis ♪ ♪ no time to kick i i'm always in motion can't say i miss you i don't got emotions ♪ ♪ i'm on that 'back when slept on the floor i'm on that 'me an the bro kick a door' ♪ ♪ i'm on that 'back when stood at the stove ain't goin' brok i'm just back on my old ♪ ♪ i'm takin' drug i don't know how to cope it and i know one thing ♪ ♪ i'm never gon' be hopeles 'cause if you tell 'em what was said you a rodent drive the new corvette ♪ ♪ like it's stolen yeah brand new car is noisy come through and it's roarin' ♪ ♪ you ain't gotta worry don't care about your boyfriend see me and get nervous ♪ ♪ i damn near did it perfec work hard and determin it's safe to say i earned it ♪
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♪ who yeah none of you guys get fly as me ♪ ♪ who matter of fact none of you guys get high as me ♪ ♪ who post my drip up dail just so they can see whoa ♪ ♪ turn me up some more so my haters can hear i brand new car is noisy come through ♪ ♪ and it's roarin you ain't gotta worr don't care about your boyfriend ♪ ♪ see me and get nervou i near did it perfec work hard and determin it's safe to ♪ ♪ say i earned it whoa yeah none of you guys ♪ ♪ get fly as me whoa matter of fact none of you guys ♪ ♪ get high as m whoa post my drip up dail just so they can see ♪ ♪ who turn me up some more s my haters can hear i whoa ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh that is how you do it! come on. that was fantastic yo, standing o right there standing ovation lil baby [ cheers and applause "woah. "woah," is out now we'll be right back, everybody ♪ [ cheers and applause
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: lil baby killed it right there. lil baby right there [ cheers and applause my thanks to shaquille o'neal, jacqueline novak, lil baby and the roots right there from philadelphia [ cheers and applause stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night i hope to see you tomorrow bye-bye, everybody [ cheers and applause ♪
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[ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- senator elizabeth warren creator of broadway's "american utopia," artist david byrne, music from h.e.r featuring the 8g band with caitlin kalafus. ♪ [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause yeah that's fantastic to hear in that case let's get to the news well, happy new year, everyone it's 2020.


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