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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  December 15, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am PST

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michel will have al the late show with stephen colbert is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> good night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: oh great it starts with an outbreak, zika and har am bay. back up a campaign, thought it was jeff turn, hot heat, cnn, fox ailes, bitter off the twitter, ben as batman. representing climate change. the government is wired with the new alt-right, bernie sweant sleeping in a hurry, reporters trump, poke monday game, can falls, all alone. tax he vision. pu disrk-- your opinion in a gif
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jif, virtd ree oldic. forth right, feeling pretty psyched it's the end of the year as we know it. it's the end of the year as we know it's the end of the year. ♪ as we know it. ♪ and i feel fighting for a brian let hays hair die. ♪ brangelina hid elswift, samg sung, chaotic. ♪ed the end is in sight right. ♪ it's the end of the year as we know it. ♪ it's the ends of the year as we snow it. ♪ it's the end of the year as we know it i feel. >> fine. ♪ it's the end of the year as we
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know it. ♪ it's the end of the year as we know i ♪ it's the end of the year as we know it. ♪ and i feel fine. ♪ it's the end of the year as we know it. ♪ it's the end of the year as we know it. ♪ it's the end of the year as we know it. ♪ and i feel fine. ♪ charys plus. >> it's the late show with stephen colbert! tonight james franco, michael stipe and comedian gad elmaleh. featuring jon batiste and stay
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human, now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! (cheers and applause). >> stephen: that's right. whooo! whooo! welcome to the late sthoa, everybody, thank you so much, siem's stephen colbert, your host for the evening and well, winter has finally come. everywhere i look i see people just bundled up and shivering and that is just in this theater. ♪ speaking of chilly, russia continues to make the news. there's another bombshell just found out today, another bombshell about russia hacking our election. senior intelligence officials now believe that vladimir putin was personally involved in our election hack. kind of flattering he wanted to
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do it himself, don't you think? handcrafted t is an artisanal hack. >> right. >> he cared enough, word is, word is that putin himself gave the orders for when and how to release john poddestar's hacked emails and most sinnister of all, he signed poddesta upped for linkedin, that's not right. that's not right. at least one country out there has a hands-on leader. maybe putin can show trump the ropes, you know. don't worry, donald, i will take care of intelligence briefings. you go meet with kayne. you meet with kayne. you say dosvidania. but why would putin do it, is the question? why did did he go to all of this trouble? well, according to a former ambassador to russia putin has a vendetta to hillary clinton dating back to 2011 when she called for a full investigation
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into fraud and intimidation in russia parliamentary election. that was a fishy election. there were multiple votes cast by different versions of the same old lady. (laughter) so putin hacked the election because of a grudge against hillary? that is so lame. there are so many better reasons to get revenge on america. economic sanctions, nato expansion, sean connery's accent in "the hunt for red october." yes, yes, i like a place in montana, please. yes. dosvedania. of course we have been hearing a lot about trump's cabinet pick this week. for secretary of state he chose exxon c.e.o. and farmhand porn name rex tillerson, passing over-- passing over a rom-- mitt romney which at this point is an election year tradition.
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during the campaign really nee harshly criticized trump calling him a phoney. which might sound tame but phoney is the worst swear word mitt romney knows. go phoney yourself. you mother phonier. now reportedly trump was willing to put the bad blood behind them on one condition, he asked romney to publicly say he was wrong about trump. he was even willing to coach him. >> wrong, wrong, wrong. (laughter). >> stephen: didn't happen though. didn't happen, really nee wouldn't do it. i am surprised trump thought romney would offer an apology because the title of romney's book is literally "no apology." i guess trump didn't read the front of it. oh, today it was also reported that trump has approached sylvester stallone for a position in his administration. that's right, rocky himself,
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though i hear putin is still pushing for ivan drago. according to sources, sly's job would be chairman of the national endowment for the arts. it makes sense because stallone loves art so much that he literally sprints up the stairs when he is going to the philadelphia art museum. now it is still over a month until trump's inauguration when he will take the oath of office with one hand raised and the other hand on a stack of his own head shots. the president-elect's team, evidently, is having trouble booking stars for the event. but a member of the inaugural committee said elton john is going to be doing our concert on the mall, to which sir elton's publicist said incorrect, he will not be performing, there is no truth in this at all. so we'll put you down for a maybe? well, that's too bad. i was really looking forward to elton singing hold me closer tiny hand sir.
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(laughter). ♪ things are so bad in the inaugural planning that not one dc area marching band has applied to march in trump's inauguration parade and you know-- (cheers and applause). >> stephen: not one. >> jon: can't get one? >> stephen: not one. and you know the party is lame when the band doesn't want to come. >> jon: man. >> stephen: you know what, ask the chess team, maybe they'll go. we're going to stay home and clean our spit val ofs. they are so desperate, according to insiders the trump team dangled ambassadorships to lure a-list inauguration singers. that sounds great. prime minister netanyahu, ambassador gaga is here to see you, bibi gaga gaga bibe. so it looks like the inautomatic-- inaugust rail bt
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taint-- entertainment is just going to be the trump family jug band. (applause) we have a great show for you tontd, james franco is here. when we return, my friend gil peaches will be reviewing movies in a very with a very special guest, stick around. ,,,,
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♪ come on, wake up!!! come on, why ya sleepin'? come on!
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what time is it? it's go time. come on. let's go, let's go, let's go. woooo hoooo!! yeah!! i feel like i went to bed an hour ago. i'll make the cocoa. get a great offer on the car of your grown-up dreams at the mercedes-benz winter event. it's the look on their faces that make it all worthwhile. thank you santa!!! now lease the 2017 c300 for $389 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. >> stephen: give it up for jon batiste and stay human, everybody! (cheers and applause). >> stephen: merry christmas. >> jon: merry christmas. >> jon: merree christmas. hope you have a very happy one. >> jon: you too. >> stephen: well, folks, a lot of people love doing this over the holidays, especially when the family is around, they get together and go out to the
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movies. i love the movies. i love going to the movie theater itself. because it is one of the only two places when they don't judge me when i ask for a squirt of butter flavor. and when it comes to deciding which movies to see, well, there is only one film reviewer i trust, gil peaches and his youtube channel not at the movies with gil peaches. (laughter). >> stephen: hello, i'm gil peaches. welcome to not at the movies with me, gil peaches. hello. i'm gil peaches. here are the movies i saw this week." fantastic beasts and where to find them ." what a cinematic experience. this movie could easily been called very fantastic beasts and where i found them, in this movie, it's that good it was like harry potter except with
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all of my my favorite characters. but jk rowling still has some kinks to work out. for instance every time i started chewing popcorn, i had a hard time hearing the movie. find the volume nobody, j.k. i give fantastic beasts and where to find them two thumbs on the same hand, weird. the next movie i saw this week was only two minutes long, because it was a trailer. which means it's time for my new segment, the previews before the movie with me, gil peaches. (applause). >> stephen: hello, i'm gil peaches. today's preview review, "rogue one:a star wars story," hello, i'm gil peaches. joining me now because he's staying with me for the holidays is my cousin will peaches. come on in, will. >> hello. (cheers and applause) >> i'm will peaches. >> stephen: will, thank you
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for joining me for my tv show about movies on the computer. >> my pleasure, thank you for letting me sleep over. >> stephen: luckily i still sleep in a bunk bid. >> how is aunt little. >> fine, mom mom told me she is glad wished she had married your dad instead of his brother. >> stephen: then we would be brothers instead of cousins. please help me review the movie "rogue one:a star wars story." >> sure but i only have one minute until my milk is done. i can't wait to see rogue one, i put a mannequin in my clothes out in front of the theater so i don't have to wait in line. >> stephen: smart thinking but i want my mannequin back and i want it hosed off. >> that say fair deal. >> stephen: i like that "rogue one:a star wars story" has a strong hint that it will be a star wars story right in the title. sometimes you watch an entire movie only to find out that it was not a star wars story. >> i agree completely. for example, a more accurate title would have been office christmas party, not a star wars
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story. for two hours i thought tj miller was a wookie-- wookie. >> stephen: the jury is still out there. that is it for this part of the store, now back to the movies, hello i'm gil peaches. >> hilleau, i'm will peaches. my milk is done. >> stephen: the other movie, the other movie i saw this week was "why him? "now normally i see movie as loan but this time i brought will because it turns out he was asleep in the backseat of my car when i got to the theater. >> i'm back. o-w. >> stephen: let it cool, let it cool, blow on it will peaches, what did you think of why him? >> why him? why me? this one has a few problems. as soon as the movie started they revealed who the executive producers were, spoiler alert. >> stephen: well, i liked it. it made me consider how i would act if a brash tech billionaire wanted to marry my little girl,
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francine. >> where is francine. >> stephen: i think she's behind the couch. i haven't seen her in six years. what did you think of the perform angs, will? >> i thought bryan cranston, megan mullaly and zoe deutch were amazing but when james franco came out i kept wondering where are his friends, jonah and seth. >> stephen: exactly. and please be warned, there is serious drug use in this movie. i am certain james franco was on advil, tylenol and fiber supplements. >> i can confirm that. also, i was a little upset that the movie features so much sexual content yet no specific instructions on how to do it. >> perfect temperature. >> stephen: congratulations. however, the movie is sure to turn a profit since they saved so much money by never buying james franco a shirt. >> fun fact, i read that four of his ans ans were cgi. they were played by andy serkis. >> stephen: bravo, bravo. james franco has the soft lumpy
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physique of an old puton. >> and the nipples the size of compact disks. >> stephen: go owes be the milk you are are lactose intolerant and remember you are on the top bunk. >> that's right. >> stephen: overall why him was definitely worth seeing and definitely stay through the end credits to see the bonus scenes where the ushers throw away the empty soda bot e8s. >> i give why him. >> two slices canteloupe, two slices of honey due, a kiwi and nine tbraips. >> stephen: that's right, the full fruit bowl. that is it with this episode of not at the movies with me, gil peaches. >> and me will peaches. >> stephen: until text time, see you not at the movies. can i have some milk? (applause) ,,,,,,,,
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. ladies and gentlemen, my first
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guest tonight is an artist, a writer, a directork and oscar nominated director. his new movie is why him? >> will you set an alarm for 7:30 ame. >> you got it, net an alarm has been set for you for 6:30. >> what? who is that? >> that's justine, she's like siri but awesome. >> i got that chick from the big bang theory, kailie cocoto do the voice. >> say hi. >> hey ned, hey, how are you guys? stephanie has told me so much about you, anything you need, i'm here. >> thank you, thank you. >> she says that she can't but i think that she can. >> please welcome james franco. (applause).
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>> jon: >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> nice to see you, brother. >> stephen: we have not sat down to talk. >> i know. >> stephen: since you were one of my singing guests on the last episode of the colbert report two years ago now. what is today's day, two years ago next week. >> was that? >> stephen: yeah. now i understand this new movie, why him? i have something to do with you being in the movie. >> yeah. >> stephen: what is that? >> i guess we owe you. you had everybody on that last episode from george lucas to kissinger to big bird and michael stipe was there. >> stephen: exactly. >> and brie an cranston so we were all waiting backstage. i in line with willie nelson and charlie rose and everybody. and bryan cranston came up and said hey, i heard you got the script for this movie why him. and i was-- i had been think being it i think he thought i was already involved but i had been sort of think being it and then when he said he was
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interested, i was like oh, i'm doing it. like if you are doing it, i'm doing it. >> stephen: so where is my cut, man, where is my cut, daddy wants to get his beek wet. show business, not show friendship, you know that, right. >> if this promotes the movie well enough, then i will-- . >> stephen: well good, let me know, let me know, a little something in my stocking this year. >> got it. >> stephen: you are one of the busiest people i have ever met. i was going to say show business but that i have ever met. our producers did a little work, did a little work. you have done, we've got like 60 projects this year, among other things wrote, produced acted in the tv movie mother may i sleep with daryng. produced and acted in king koab ra, a true crime gay porn drama which premiered in 2016 tri becca film festival, announced you will be teaching a high school film workshop in the palo alto area high school where you grew up. your band daddy released an album and film inspired by the smiths please, please, please
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let me get what i want. and you have been painting hummingbirds. okay. so why do you not want a free moment? because that's when the demons come? what is it, why don't you take a moment to breathe, james franco? >> you know what, i think i have a problem. >> stephen: do you really? >> i think so, yeah. >> stephen: are you kidding on the square here? >> what? what is that. >> stephen: kidding on the swear, it might be-- kidding on the square means i'm joking but i really mean it. i'm kidding on the square. >> no, i'm trying to slow down. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. >> stephen: what do do you to slow down. >> i don't know. >> stephen: warm mimk. >> it's scary. >> stephen: what do you do. >> i don't know. when you tell me 60 projects. >> stephen: 60 project this year. >> that's insane. >> stephen: this is not tallly a tv show, this is an intervention, james franco. we all love you, please lock the door, are you not leaving until you drop one of these projects coming up. you have to slow down for the holidays, right, you are going to be with your family. >> yeah, i go back to my home, see my mom and my two brothers,
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there are three of us. >> stephen: the brothers dave and tommy, right. >> yes. >> stephen: you are the eldest brother. >> yes. >> stephen: do they look up to you, do you have any authority of being the eldest brother. >> i think i do, actually. you know, my tom said something to me one time. he said you know when we were younger, you know, we were so close. and you know, we got along so well. and then you went off to school and we weren't as close any more. and i said what, when i went off to ucla. he said no, when you went off to kinkedder gafort en-- kindergarten. >> stephen: that's sadness isn't it? >> it is very sweet. but my brothers are both in very serious relationships. davey, the youngest is engaged. and he is going to get married early next year. and tom is in a serious relationship. but i'm not. so i will be going back and
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they'll be at least with their, you know, girlfriends. >> stephen: is there pressure there for you. >> yeah. >> stephen: they look at you hey, i know he's the oldest but it's time for you to grow up or anything like that. >> well, tom's girlfriend iris is from mexico and she said that there is a saying there that if you younger brothers or the younger siblings get married before the oldest, that the oldest never gets married, so-- . >> stephen: wow, wow. >> i know, i got like two months. >> stephen: wow, yeah, merry christmas, man. that is sort of bub i will kal. that is sort of bub i will kal, you know, if the younger gets married, it's like a curse from god. >> i know. >> stephen: make that your 61st project. just get. >> i'm working on it. >> stephen: or drop the hummingbird. >> i'm putting it out there. >> stephen: putting it out there right now? >> yes. >> stephen: again if you get married i get a cut now because i have helped promote that on my show. >> i'm going to pay you for therapy too don't worry. >> stephen: the movie is called why him? it is about like this tech
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billionaire who tries-- he marries into this family and the mom and dad have to deal with this daughter having a loose canon for a son in law. do you ever think about what it would be like for you as a dad, like having to let your child go or is it the fact that you don't have a relationship pushes it so far down the line. >> yeah, i mean,. >> stephen: do you have sympathy for parents when james franco turns up. >> i will turn on you in a secretary. have i had both situations. i have had relationships where i did not get along with the mother and the mother was very close with my girlfriend. so like it was kind of ruined the relationship. because she would always want to be with the mother and i just wouldn't. but then i would have had the opposite where i fell in love with the parents and i would just tease her and say like the best thing about you is your parents. >> stephen: have you ever had a situation where the mother falls in love with you?
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we'll edit it out, james franco. >> there might have been some on set mothers, yeah. but what would you do if i showed up with your dughter? (laughter). >> stephen: what would you do if i showed up with. >> what would you do if i showed up with your son. >> stephen: i would wish either one of them the best of luck to tie you down. i would-- i would-- i would just say look, he's an actor and they're unstable people. you are a he at christmas and the daughter walks in. >> stephen: with james frongo-- franco. >> no, donald trump, jr. >> stephen: i will say-- (applause)
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i would say you know he's married, right? megan mullaly was on the show last night and she said she saw a fair am of your butt crack in this movie s that true? >> i guess. i mean it wasn't planned. >> stephen: just happened. >> no, well-- . >> stephen: just happened. >> it did, the character, the wardrobe guy had one job, right, my character doesn't wear underwear thrarks is part of the thing. >> stephen: she said she saw a fair amount of your pubic hair as well. and i said it couldn't be real, that you seem like a guy that waxes. >> if she saw pubic hair, she was really looking. >> stephen: really lucky. >> lookingment i think that says something more about-- . >> stephen: i thought you said really lucky. >> and lucky. >> stephen: lucky you. >> and lucky. >> stephen: uh-huh, in corn rows. >> my character doesn't wear-- . >> stephen: merry christmas. >> underwear and so my pants just kept sagging.
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>> stephen: what am i going to do. >> my wardrobe guy had one job, keep them up. >> stephen: double stick tape, my man, double stick tape. hey, are you still-- are you comfortable in the buff, by the way, speaking of no underwear? >> i don't-- i have done it. i will tell you when i got over my hine i bigs. >> i-- inhibitions, i was doing a bunch of art projects. i did did one with my favorite artist this sort of video, sculptor, performance artist named paul mccarthy. and he often, he is older, he is like 60, 70. and he does these very dirty kind of sexual takes on disney characters like snow white but then snow white like-- . >> stephen: so he has a very good lawyer. >> i guess. yeah. i think he's like on the, you know, the suspect list when he
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flies, like-- cuz he did some scrupt tures about george bush or something. and so we were doing a take on the james dean film rebel without a cause. and he was playing the father and i was playing james dean and there is a scene in the original where the father has spilled some tea on the ground, is he picking it up and james dean says like, get up, cuz he thinks his father has been he mass you can lated by the mother. well, in this version, you know, paul had kind of changed it and so i go-- he built the whole set. i go up the stairs. >> stephen: this is liket3 photography, what is it you are doing. >> it's video. so his son, his adult son is videoing and he's right there. i get to the top of the stairs and there he is bent over picking stuff up and it's not tea any more, it's kentucky fried chicken. and his pants are down at his ankles. his ass. >> stephen: you can say that. >> is out. and then i'm supposed to now in
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the new version i'm supposed to get on his back and like ride him and say like ride the pig, ride the pig. and the father is the figure, ride the pig. and hit his ass with a chicken wing, right? >> stephen: right? don't say right like that's natural. by the way, that's not a-- that's not a remaining of rebel without a cause. that is a whole new film. >> is it. >> stephen: and some great viral marketing for the colonel. >> and eventually james dean tried to strange el his father and we got into all of that and i was wrestling with this 65 year old man with his pants down and all that. and after that, i just didn't really care. >> stephen: well, i will see you at christmas dinner. we're serving chicken. >> great. >> stephen: james, thank you so much for being here. >> yeah. >> stephen: always good to see you. thank you for all your projects,
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keep up the art. >> thank you. >> stephen: thank you for staying interest. why him? in theaters september 23rd. james franco, everybody. we'll be right back with michael stipe. stick around. ,, ,,
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>> stephen: my next ges is a brilliant artist best known as the lead singer of r.e.m. please welcome michael stipe. it's the end of the world as we know it. ♪ it's the end of the world as we know it. ♪ >> stephen: wherever, you can sit anywhere you want. >> i was going sit on james' lap. >> stephen: he left, that's too bad. >> hi, nice to see you. thank you for docking your tugboat and joining us today. i love the beard, i love the
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beard look. do you, you and mel gibson and david letterman get together. compare beards because it's so beautiful and dub i will kal. >> i get a lot of like hey, elf guy, bill murray, around this time of the year. >> stephen: oh yeah? >> i'm really going for more of a ben cuzi or zeus look. >> stephen: that isn't bad. ike an eagle on a throne. how have you been. >> great, all things considered. it has been a rough year for everyone. >> stephen: sure, yeah, yeah, we had you on the old show six times. >> six times and matter of fact, you were such an integral part of the old show. we are so happy to have you that the very end of the last week of the old show we had a garage sale. >> yes. >> stephen: we didn't tell anybody we were having it. we just put an ad up on craigslist, gave the address and we sold everything off of the set to any stranger who would walk by, including, we put you on one of the tables, michael
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stipe on one of the tables with a little price sticker on your head. now r.e.m. sold a hundred million records. how much did you go for that day. >> a dollar and a dream, i think i remember am like a quarter. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. you actually didn't sell. >> you i didn't sell. >> stephen: you forgot, was that too painful of a memory. >> i got pushed back on to the shelf, i guess. >> stephen: when is the last time r.e.m. performed together. >> the last time we performed was if berlin in 2011, i guess. >> stephen: okay, what have you been doing, do you feel like you still want to jump up on stage. >> all the time. >> stephen: dance around and sing. >> approximate, not dance but-- . >> stephen: you don't want to dance? >> i like to dance. >> stephen: you are famous for your dancing. >> yeah, i know. >> stephen: why no dancing? >> i don't-- i'll dance with you. but-- (cheers and applause). >> stephen: let's earn it. let's earn it. >> yeah, when i see a great-- i saw pj harvey and radiohead.
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you know, you see them up there and it's like wow, i kind of want to jump up there again. but i had to separate from music for awhile. >> stephen: you don't write songs or anything. >> i actually produced and cowrote an album by the band fisher spooner which is coming out next year, that was a complete surprise, i didn't anticipate doing it but they asked me to help them with a couple of songs and i wound up cowriting everything. >> stephen: you are also a visual artist. and you got a couple of shows go on right now. one in stockholm, a couple pieces up around lower new york. >> yeah. >> stephen: and you've got this piece, the book right here, sorry, is the book here? where is it? >> where is it? down here? sorry. but there is nothing inside.
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when you hope it up there is another hole inside. >> it's an emoji hole so it is like an emergency escape hatch for difficult times. like in the road runner, you know, you throw the-- . >> stephen: and jump in it and get away. >> yeah. >> stephen: you don't-- is this for you? is this-- do you feel like you need to get away from the world? >> i'm making a lot of them, let's put it that way. and i made them human sized so people can actually kind of-- i mean-- . >> stephen: i might have to lose some weight before i get through that hole. so you can't leave the world michael stipe. you have to stay. >> i'm going to stairks i'm going to stick around. >> stephen: you can't go to canada and you. >> no, just a vacation. >> stephen: wait, a vacation in the hole or vacation in canada. >> but i like that it's like the flat thing that is two dimensional and you can just look at it and feel like there's a place to go when things get really rough. >> stephen: that's nice. can i have this? >> no, but i will give you something else. (laughter). >> stephen: i can't have it? can i just hold it for a second.
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>> yes, sir, you can hold it. >> stephen: mine. (laughter) you also, though you guys don't perform together you now have the-- i know i'm holding it up because it doesn't say anything on the front, it is a beautiful album, the 25th anniversary of out of time, a beautiful, are you not performing any more, why is it important for you, for this to be released right now. >> will is a whole generation of people that maybe associate my band, my former band with a few songs. >> and we wanted to reintroduce one of our most important records to them. and also to the people that were there the first time, maybe they want to kind of look at it again. >> stephen: make a nice christmas present. >> it would make a great christmas present. >> stephen: what would you like for christmas, michael stipe. >> what i would like for christmas, stephen, on monday, december 19th, i would like the people that are, the electoral voters who are voting for the next administration, i would like-- . >> stephen: the electoral college meets to choose the
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president. >> i would like the electoral college voters to carefully weigh their individual decisions in deciding what a democracy that was set up over 200 years ago is going to look like at the end of 2016. this is crucial. and i don't really care where they butter their bread. but i want them to be patriots. and so let's hope for the best. (applause). >> stephen: the 25th anniversary edition of r.e.m.'s out of time is on sale now. michael stipe, everybody. we'll be right back with comedian gad elmaleh. (applause) ,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,
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>> stephen: hey. (applause) hey, everybody. welcome back. folks, my next guest tonight is one of the most popular comedians in france. please welcome gad elmaleh.
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(applause) >> thank you, thank you, thank you very much. i'm very happy to be here, it's great to be here. yes, i just moved to america. yeah, perfect timing. (laughter) >> i have an accent, i think you've noticed, right, but you guys understand me now? thank you, not everybody does here in america, especially in new york. they don't have time. and sometimes i feel like if i mispronounce one letters that's it. there is no second chance. i jumped in a cab the other day here in new york city and i said to the driver please take me to the gfk airport. can you believe this guy had no idea what i was talking about? i said sir, how many places do you know in new york city that have an f and k and airport in their name?
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i mean i didn't come up with gpm or and what even if i did, come on, meet me halfway, you know. if i was a cab driver and you asked me to take you to kfc airport, i'd take to you jfk airport and not only because i know they've got a kfc at jfk, because i'm going to assume i'm going to guess this is where you want to go let's imagine you come to france, paris, to visit, you're lost, you're in the streets you come up to me, i mean i won't stop, but imagine. (laughter) and you're lost and you mix up the name of something, yeah, we're americans, we're liking for the iphone tower. (laughter) i'm gonna guess, i'm going help you, i'm not going to be like what, apple store in par paris, no, anyway to make a long story short, this cab driver kept
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correcting my accent and he was indian. i said sir, we are both immigrants, we should be helping each other. and by the way you maybe got this j thing right in jfx but he aid airpoot. touche, right? french word, by the way. i mean you know, it's incredible, those guys. but i respect them, they work hard. i don't know also what kind of a phone plan those guys use. i mean they can talk for hours on the phone. they are always-- i think it is a very specific phone plan where it's free if it is a monday log. monologue. they are always on the phone with another guy who apparently never says anything. so you are sitting in the back and you just here this little
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voice-- poor guy on the other end must be trying-- and if you don't know he is on the phone you think he talks to you, right, you get closer, what? no, i'm on the phone. it is new to me, right, i'm new here. so many things are new to me. for example, i didn't know that comedians here in america they don't do an encore when they finish the show, you know encore, another french word for you. encore, you mus igs-- musicians do an encore, you finish the show, you walk off the stage, you pretend that's it, you are going home, but you're hiding over there. (laughter) and then the crowd is pretending to they want you back. everyone is pretending, that's a big, you know, hypocrisy going on here. and then you wit a little bit, then you come back and you pretend you so moved and you don't believe it, oh my god. i was not expecting that, that's incredible. but they don't do this in new york city.
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and i did know that. i did a show last week in new york city. finished my show, walked off the stage. i came back, they were gone. (laughter) (applause) i am single. it's a great thing when are you new york city. i've been texting some american girls. i just get con faased with some of your expressions, guys. one of these girls i said to let's go out for a drink. she said i'm down. i said all right so let's do it next time. she said why, i said because you're depressed. she said no, i'm down means i'm totally up for it. how am i supposed to know? i said so you want to go out. she says i'm in. (laughter)
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and this other girl i texted, i said let's go out. she said would be dope. do you know this one? so i asked my best friend, is he american, what does it mean, would be dope. he said it means she's too young. thank you guys. thank you very much. (applause). >> stephen: gadz will be headlining carnegie hall in february. gad elmaleh, everybody. we'll be right back.,,,,,,,,,,,,
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(cheers and applause). >> stephen: tune in tomorrow where my guests will be liam neeson and shepard smith. now stick around for james corden and his guest katie holmes and seth macfarlane. (applause) captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show

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