tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS August 31, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: is this real or is it in my head? >> hey, stephen. thanks for having me on your show tonight. >> stephen: am i having you on? do i even have a show tonight? what. if the the show is all in my head and the audience is just a bunch of computer viruses? >> what? >> stephen: when? >> oh, i see what's going on here. i'm on "mr. robot," so you're doing a "mr. robot" bit here. i get it. >> stephen: am i, or is the bit doing me? maybe we're all just 1s and 0sed in a big game of ms pac-man. >> i took a plane to get here tonight. >> stephen: you're not real. >> reporter, fine, i'm not real. >> but i am.
>> it's "the late show"" with stephen colbert. tonight, stephen welcomes christian slater. chris geere. and congressman john lewis. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! wooo! wooo! i caught you early. what's going on? >> jon: what's happening. >> stephen: do you feel that? >> jon: i feel it! i feel it! oh! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. wow, man.
thank you so much, everybody. thank you. chris, hey, paul. what's going on, paul? how are you? hey! thanks so much, everybody. thanks so much. listen, thanks so much for that greeting. i am stephen colbert. welcome to "the late show." i am stephen colbert. i don't know if you guys have been watching the news this afternoon while waiting for the show to start, but this campaign has been unusual from the start, but today it jumped the z.-train to weerdzville, because donald trump went to mexico. quick, build the wall! ( cheers and applause ) i'll pay for it! ( cheers and applause ) here's the deal. here's what happened here. trump was invited to mexico by their president enrique pena
nieto, which is a little strange since nieto has previously compared trump to hitler and mussolini, which explains why the invitation asked trump to choose chicken, fish, hitler or mussolini. now, the two men met in private, but we at "the late show"" have obtained exclusive dpootage of their summit. >> stephen: that's rough stuff, but, you know, it's what trump gets for sleeping with pena nieto's lover while he was in a coma. now, i am surprised really that trump would go someplace so dangerous. and i don't mean the drug gangs. i mean people down there love hitting trump-shaped pinatas, and this was their chance to find out if he is actually full
of candy. now here is the crazy thing about this trip: trump looked --( cheers and applause ) i mean, here's the deal-- there he was, there's the podium and another president, and "a" equals "b" equals si, si, senor. you can really imagine him doing that again but, like, with the training wheels off. the big boy pants. the launch codes. i mean, the whole world saw him doing something he's never done before-- stay quiet while someone else was talking. and the whole thing changed the way you look at trump. but thankfully, it didn't change the way you hear him. >> i have many friends, so many friends, and so many friends coming to mexico and in mexico. i am proud to say how many
people i employ. and the united states, first-, second-, and third-generation mexicans are just beyond reproach. >> stephen: yes, trump is a big fan of second- and third- generation mexicans. or, as they're known in america, "americans." ( laughter ) ( applause ) that's right, that's right. >> jon: americans. >> stephen: and at this press conference, trump outlined a number of specific policy goals. >> improving nafta, number four. nafta is a 22-year-old agreement that must be updated to reflect the realities of today. >> stephen: it's true. nafta is so old, trump wouldn't even date her. ( laughter ) afterwards, a reporter asked if the two discussed the border wall. >> we did discuss the wall. we did not discuss payment of the wall.
that'll be for a later date. >> stephen: that's what he's said from the beginning: "we're going to build a wall, and we're going to make mexico discuss who pays for it at a later date!" now, this was excellent optics for the trump campaign. i cannot imagine the clinton folks are happy about this. in fact, i'm being told we have the official response from hillary clinton. >> what's happening?! ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) >> stephen: let's see, what else is frightening? oh, it might be the end of the world! see, there's this guy named lyle jeffs, leader of a religious fringe group, and he was under house arrest for ripping off millions of dollars in food stamps. he recently disappeared, and the f.b.i. has been trying to track this guy down, but his lawyer
has suggested jeffs was possibly swept away in the rapture. that's right! he is hiding out at god's place until the heat blows over! ( laughter ) if this is true-- and the judge hasn't ruled yet, so we don't know-- that means we are in the end times. evidently, when god judged the seven billion people on the planet to decide who he would save from the tribulation of the beast, he said, "tell you what. start with that food stamp guy right there." now, of course, the doubting thomases at the f.b.i. have their own crazy theory. they believe that jeffs dissappeared from house arrest by coating his ankle monitor in olive oil and sliding it off. but come on. just because the f.b.i. found some greased-up ankle monitor doesn't mean this guy wasn't also raptured. he was probably just oiling himself up so he could slip right through the bars of the pearly gates. after all, jesus said it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of god.
imagine how much you'd have to oil use on a camel. but on the outside chance that this guy wasn't raptured to sit at the right hand of the father, you should all be on the lookout, because the f.b.i. is offering a $50,000 reward for his return. >> whoa, whoa, hold on. wait. what was that, stephen? did you say 50 "gs"? >> stephen: oh, hey, god! yeah, there's a huge reward for this guy. why, have you heard something? >> that depends. i may have seen him around. is his one of those "no questions asked" kind of deals? ( laughter ) >> stephen: i imagine so. why? >> well, i don't want it to lead back to me. you know, snitches get stitches, stephen. but i could use a little extra scratch. i'm thinking about remodeling the kitchen. i need a really big backsplash. >> stephen: so why don't you just go grab him, then? >> i keep trying.
the guy's really slippery! he's covered in olive oil! >> stephen: well, good luck, lord. good luck with that. >> hey, did you see trump in mexico? he looked really presidential. >> stephen: not you, too. >> just saying. scary stuff. could be a sign of the end times. >> stephen: god, everybody! give it up. you know what? stick around. we've got a great show tonight. christian slater will be here. and when we return, i will stand up for the national anthem. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ we catch flo, the progressive girl, at the supermarket buying cheese. scandal alert! flo likes dairy?! woman: busted! [ laughter ] right afterwards we caught her riding shotgun with a mystery man. oh, yeah! [ indistinct shouting ]
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. give it up for our friend jon batiste and stay human, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: yeah, baby! >> stephen: is trump president yet? because i saw him meeting with a foreign leader earlier. he looked really presidential? he's not? i can imagine him throwing out the first pitch. all the important president stuff. speaking of, which let's talk about baseball for a second. that's called a segue. it was an incredible play i saw in cleveland. let's take a look. a line drive from zach mcallister from the indians, kicks it over his shoulder and catches it. unbelievable! there's still a team called the
indians? if baseball is going to be this exciting, we may have to find something else to think about during sex. of course, the big story in sports continues to be quarterback colin kapernick and his refusal to stand during the national anthem. he says he is "not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color." a bold stance. or, technically, a bold sits. the 49ers are playing their last preseason game tomorrow night in san diego, and all eyes will be on kapernick because anything is more interesting than watching a preseason game. ( laughter ) now, kapernick's protest has caused a firestorm of controversy. a lot of people are upset with him, including, well, you know who. >> i think it's a terrible thing and, you know, maybe he should find a country that works better for him >> stephen: well said. if a country doesn't work for
you, find one that does. that's why trump's factories are all located in china. ( cheers and applause ) now, i want to be clear-- want to be clear. i, stephen colbert, love the national anthem. i stand up when i hear it. i know the harmony. it's easily in my top three songs about ramparts. i also love america. and one of the things i love about america is everyone has the right to protest things they're upset about, including protesting other people's protests. that's all covered in the secret map on the back of the constitution, also on the front, in the words. so, constitutionally, kapernick protesting and people being upset with him is a win-win-- two words the 49ers will not be hearing a lot this season. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but this controversy has made me wonder how the national anthem and sporting events got
connected in the first place. well, interesting story. turns out, it goes back to a very strange time in american history when the cubs were in the world series. it was 1918. world war i was just ending, and the cubs were opening the series at home against babe ruth and the red sox. they expected a raucous crowd, but instead, the papers reported that the game "was perhaps the quietest on record." it was so quiet, you could hear babe ruth thinking about alcohol. however, there was one moment when the crowd came alive-- the seventh-inning stretch, when the musicians fired up "the star-spangled banner." that's right, the "star-spangled banner" was the original jock jam. ( laughter ) it's hard to understand now, but at the time, the most popular form of entertainment was finding out which of your cousins had spanish flu. now, the cubs realized instantly they had a hit.
and for the next two games, they had the band play "the star-spangled banner" to enthusiastic crowds. and the crowds went up from 19,000 to 27,000. they played the anthem at every game, and the cubs continued it to lose. traditions that have continued to this day. the story proves that playing the national anthem at games is the most american thing of all: marketing. so maybe it's not that offensive to sit it out. or if it is offensive, it should also be offensive not to buy a mattress on president's day. "because if you think you can find a better deal on a sealy posture-pedic, go back russia, you commie!" we'll be right back with christian slater. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) tis, the possibility of a flare was almost always on my mind. thinking about what to avoid,
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight has been a star of stage and screen since he was eight years old. he now stars in a critically acclaimed drama that will mess with your head. >> here's what we're going to do. >> okay, okay. let's all take a beat. settle down here, relax-- elliot? elliot, you all right?
>> stephen: whoa! please welcome christian slater. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ♪ give it up ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: i want to-- thanks for coming back. >> all the way from the 80s. >> stephen: yeah, exactly. >> here we go. >> stephen: i want to talk about the the show in just a minute, but i'm not totally caught up. >> no problem. >> stephen: so, please, i beg you. >> totally forgiven. >> stephen: happying about the. >> thanks, august 18.
thank you, thank you. >> stephen: do you like-- do you like celebrating your birthday? do you make a big deal out of it? >> i don't mind it. i didn't make a big deal out of it but i had a nice party in chicago with some friends they met when i was working in chicago, actually, a couple of years ago. dick wolf has got about four different shows about chicago. "chicago med, ""chicago p.d.," "chicago fire, ""chicago fed," "chicago law." >> stephen: all the shows make it look like chicago is going to burn down tomorrow. >> chicago is incredible, but there are a lot of actors there and a lot of friend i met when i was there so we all got together and had a nice -- >> not your favorite birthday but a good one. >> not my favorite birthday but a good one. probably if i had to choose my particular favorite birthday it was my 12th birthday. that was the big celebration. that's the one that really stands out in my brain. >> stephen: why was it so much better? >> i hit puberty later, a little
bit later, but this birthday was particularly great because, well, the surprise guest at the party-- my mother was always doing stuff like this because she knew pretty much everybody in show business. she was a casting director so she knew a lot of actors and people like that, so there were always different people showing up at these wonderful parties i had as a kid. and one this year at 12 was mark hamill. ( applause ) yeah, yeah. >> stephen: i'd be excited if he showed up at my birthday now. >> yeah, i know. >> stephen: that's a perfect age for mark hamill to show up at your birthday. >> it was right around the time of "the empire strikes back." you can imagine, i was beyond belief star struck. i couldn't speak to him. >> stephen: it's all downhill from there. >> well-- yeah, you're right. it is. ( laughter ) ( applause ) man. yeah, no, she set the bar very, very high. but, honestly, those people in chicago were great. i love them, too. they were all good. they were good.
they're not luke skywalker, but, you know, they did do very well. >> stephen: you were acting at that point. >> i was. i had done a few shows. >> stephen: at eight you were on broadway. >> i did "the music man, "with dick van dyke ♪ gary indiana gary indiana ♪ >> i had the lisp and i would sing it but my wife would kill me. she would. every time i attempt or threaten to sing that song she's like, "you're a dead man." she's backstage, so i'm not measing around. ( laughter ). >> stephen: do you still do live theater? i know you performed in the west end in london, too. >> yeah, i did "one flew over cuckoo's nest" a couple of years ago in the west end. it was phenomenal. listen, it was great. first of all, that show is amazing, and it was like a rock concert every night. i don't know. the audiences were nuts, and we all had a great time. >> stephen: well, you spent most of your career in front of cameras, as opposed to live on
stage, right? >> sure, well, i grew up in new york. i grew up going to a lot of theater. and i had started very young in the theater. but doing something in london was unique and fun, and that particular show was great because-- well, i kept threatening the audience every night that i would stage dive on the last performance. and -- >> how do you threaten the audience with that? i don't understand. >> the build-up every night, as we were getting closer and closer to the end of the run of show, i would, you know, in order to get people to come back, it's a fun thing to do, you know. >> stephen: "one of these nights i'm just going to take a dive in the front row?" >> that could happen tonight. i could dive out there. ( cheers and applause ) you see? >> stephen: sure. >> it's a phenomenal-- i recommend it highly. >> stephen: okay, all right. you first. >> all right, let's go. let's do it. ( cheers and applause )
>> stephen: we'll get there. we'll get there. we'll get there. we have all night. >> we do, we have all night. >> stephen: you, me, congressman lewis, we'll all go out there. >> sounds great. >> stephen: did you end up doing it? >> i did the last night a british audience? i thought they were so reserved. >> i was surprised. during intermission, they would all hit the pubs and came back and they were ready to party. it was incredible. i did it. and it was right at the curtain call. >> and stood there on the edge, and i said, "i'm coming! i'm coming!" and i dove out there and they caught me and carried me around and brought me back to the stage and i did my curtain call and said, "sayonara." >> stephen: that's-- that's how they say gone over there. >> that's right. ( applause ) >> stephen: as a young actor growing up did you model yourself on anybody? was there a role model for you when you were coming up.
did you say, "i want to be like that guy?" or "that guy gave me advice." >> there was one guy in particular i loved, sean connery. >> stephen: i heard of him. >> the greatest guy ever. i wonder with him when i was about 16-- 15, 16 years old. and, yeah, he gave me some great advice. >> stephen: what were you working on? >> we were doing a movie called "the name of the rose." >> stephen: oh, sure, you, f. murray abraham, sean connery. >> all set in this labyrinth, a 13th century murder mystery. we were wearing these monk robes and shooting out in germany and italy. and i had a particularly important scene to do on one particular day, and i just remember walking through these cloisters of this monastery with sean connery, and he was wearing a robe, and i was wearing a robe. and he said, "so, you know, i understand today you have a pretty big scene." and i said, "yeah, yeah, i'm a
little nervous about it." it was a love scene i had to do. >> stephen: sexy? >> yeah, it was a very intense scene. it was me and this young peasant girl, and we were-- ( laughter ). >> stephen: at 16, at 16, they're all pretty intense. >> it was intense, yeah. >> stephen: yeah. >> yeah, my toes are curling right now thinking about it. it was crazy. these are great shoes, by the way. aren't they? ( applause ) yeah. i just noticed that on the thing. yeah. all right, anyway, back to the story. yeah, so sean just said to me, "yes, i understand that you're nervous, but just remember to breathe, my boy." ( laughter ). >> stephen: really? >> yeah, and i went in there -- >> that was his advice? >> >> that was his advice. >> stephen: i'm going to try that next time. >> always remember to breathe. >> stephen: so give these people-- >> a little crowd surf? all right. ( cheers and applause )
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. i'm all recovered and tucked back in from my crowd suffering. if you've never done it, it was a lot of fun. i hope everybody is okay and i didn't clock anybody in the head with my shoes. but it's really intimate because they're feeling all parts of your body in the most innocent possible way but you're like, "i don't think my wife's ever touched me there." that was-- thank you very much for all of that. the check's in the mail. ( applause ) my next guest stars in the
anti-romantic comedy "you're the worst," on fxx. please welcome chris geere. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> wow! >> stephen: thanks very much. not every guest comes on and gets funcy with the band when they cross by. >> hello, everyone. >> stephen: very nice people. you saw us crowd surfing. i kind of want to have a go now. >> stephen: we'll get there. i get there. are you ready to be innocently groped? >> yeah, i know. did they really? i imagine people out there going, "oh, no." >> stephen: i didn't feel any hesitancy at all. >> yeah!
>> stephen: it was like we were all at theater camp together. it was fantastic. speaking of which, you have been an actor since you were a kid, right? >> yeah, pretty much. i mean, i could have gone to university to do graphic design or i could have gone to drama school. so i chose the job that wasn't very secure and became an actor. >> stephen: that's like being a daredevil choosing to be an actor. >> proper job or not a proper job. yeah. i went to drama school for three years, very lucky, moved on to the royal shakespeare company for a year. >> stephen: what did you get to do with the shakespeare company? >> that was great. >> stephen: that's classy. >> right. >> stephen: that's super classy. >> i was doing "all's well that ends well" with judi dench. it was an incredible play and we got to perform at the swan theater and at the west end, and i was spear holder. ( applause ) >> that was actually the the
name, "spear holder." >> that was the thing. you know there's that joke second spear holder from the left. well, there were four spear holders and i was second from the left. so i'm holding on to that. i would mix it up every night, kind of put the spear in the different hand. >> stephen: to explore the character. >> to explore the character. and i had one line. >> stephen: you had a line? what's the line? >> "the lord calls for you." remember, you have 175 shows, so there's only so many ways you can say, "my lord called for you." and other days, "my lord called for you!" >> stephen: "my lord calls for you." >> the other actors were like, "what is he doing?" it was wonderful. i used to sit in the wings and jawch judi dench and see how incredibly focused and incredible she was, every single show and the audience loved her. she's still a great friend now.
i feel very lucky that's the i started. >> stephen: one of my first professional jobs was a spear holder, too, in "antony and clepat rat." >> you're a fellow spear carrier? >> stephen: a fellow spear carrier. >> how art thou. >> stephen: it was in "antony and cleopatra." i didn't have a line. i was one of the guys who came in when antony stabbed himself "let us bear his body forth, "but i didn't get to say that line. and the armor they gave me was too big and it actually hit me midthigh, and we had to hope the curtain fell before i knelt all the way down or else it would hit my thigh and turtle up over my head. it happened once. i got all the way down, and i completely disappeared. well, the show is called "you're the worst." are you the worst? because it's sort of a romantic comedy. >> it's a romantic comdierk but i think it changes daily.
these are four very damaged individuals, and we explore the reasons why they're damaged. and it's a fantastic comedy that's very, very-- it's a real love story these days. it's very hard to find love in this current climate. and we really explore the difference between dating online and being present with the friends that you're in. >> stephen: and how hard it is to express that you love somebody. >> yes, and it's really hard for these people. >> stephen: we have a clip to show-- you have a clip and we're going to play it. >> that's how it works. >> drink! whoa! i am hammered! are you hammered? you're the best. i'm so glad you're my boyfriend. look, i know we weren't going to say it, but screw it. i love you, jimmy. >> i love you. >> i knew it!
>> psyche, nice try, dummy. i've had five shots. i could fly a plane after five shots. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> he's so mean! >> stephen: do you want to find some love right now? >> yeah. >> stephen: let's go surf. come on. >> yes! ♪ ♪ >> stephen: catch the new season of "you're the worst" on fx. chris geere, everybody. we'll be right back with congressman john lewis. let's go! come on! ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest tonight is a civil rights legend, a congressman, and now a comic book author. please welcome congressman john lewis! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) good to see you. after you, sir. ( cheers ) nice to see you again. >> good to see you again. >> stephen: always good to talk to you and find out the latest things you're thinking about. the first thing i want to ask you. about is earlier this year you led a sit-in on the floor of the house of representatives. representatives. ( cheers and applause ) tell me what-- tell me what the the goal of that sit-in was, and whether you think you had some success there. >> well, the goal of the sit-in
was trying to find a way to dramatize to our colleagues in the congress that we need to do something about gun violence. ( cheers and applause ) sometimes, you have to find a way to get in the way or get in trouble, good trouble, necessary trouble. >> stephen: now, that is actually something you were talking about at the time, it was the hashtag associated with the sit-in, which was after the tragic shootings in orlando. was-- good trouble. what do you mean "good trouble?" >> when i was growing up in rural alabama as a young child, and we would visit places like troy and montgomery, and i would see those signs that said, "white men, colored men, white women, colored women, "i asked my mother, my father, and grandparent, they would say, "that's the way it is. don't get in the way. don't get in trouble." but i heard rosa parks, a heard
martin luther king jr. i met rosa parks in 1957 when i was 17. in 1958, i met dr. king, and these two individuals inspired me to get in trouble, and i've been getting in good trouble, necessary trouble ever since. ( cheers and applause ) >> well, one of---- did you all, after what protest, did you all end up getting a vote to the floor? >> we didn't get a vote to the floor. but we helped educate and inspire hundreds and thousands and millions of people around this nation. they want us to do something. more than 90 or 95% of the american people are saying pass legislation to stop the killing. we have lost too many of our children, too many of our sisters and brothers, too many of our mothers and fathers. we've got to stop the killing. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, now-- as i
said, you're a civil rights leader from the 1950s, up till now, and now you have a three-volume set called "march," which is a graphic novel or a graphic retelling of the march on the edmund pettis privilege, and the ramifications of that action. why make this a graphic-- why tell this history through pictures like this? >> well, it is important. it is a must that people understand-- young children, young children, those are the three, four, five, and six, those in middle school, those in high school, in college, and also adults to understand what happened and how it happened. in 1963, when i was 23 years old, i moved from nashville to
atlanta, and would attend dr. martin luther king jr.'s father's church, and sometimes the father would be sitting in the audience, and his son would be preaching. and the father would say, "make it plain. make it clear. make it real." so when you use graphics and make it plain and make it real, and the young audience, nate paul, he has the ability to make the words jump off the pages and sing and dance. >> stephen: did you have anything like this when you were a child? was there anything that inspired you? was it made plain for you? >> there was a comic book, martin luther king and the montgomery story. >> stephen: i think one of my researchers might have found a copy of that. right there. ( applause ) 10 cents. >> you're right. it sold for 10 cent, 16 pages, cover to cover. and that little book became like
a road map. it became the way in and the way out. and it's our hope that "march," these books, will become a road map for another generation. so hundreds and hundreds of school children all across america and adults, teachers are teaching it in more than 40 states. >> stephen: for those of you, people out there who don't know the history or perhaps didn't see the film, the celebrated film from last year, here's a picture of the actual action on the edmund pettis bridge, and that is you right there being beaten by the police as you tried to cross the bridge. what-- what were you thinking as you walked the bridge? did you expect this to happen? >> on the bridge, 600 of us tried to march from selma to mont dpomry. i thought we were going to be arrested and jailed. i didn't have any idea that we would be beaten. but i thought i was going to down the bridge. i hawt i saw death.
and some force, maybe god almighty kept me here to continue to push and pull, to continue to find a way to get in good trouble. i truly believe when you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, you have to do something. >> stephen: what do you think-- do you think that spirit is being carried on. ( cheers and applause ) where do you see that spirit being carried on today in civil rights struggles? for instance, what do you think about what colin kapernick has done? he has caused trouble, certainly, for himself by not standing up for the national anthem. what do you think about what he's done and people's response to it? >> well, you have a right to protest. it's protected by our constitution. you have a right to dissent. dr. king said you have a right to protest of what is right? so this young man, this football player is acting according to the dictates of his conscience. and we should support him.
( applause ) >> stephen: there's-- it's an incredible series of books. thank you for making this. there's only one thing that i wish was in here, but they didn't have a chance to draw a panel for it, and that's you on my show right now talking about it. it's a big part of the story. >> well, maybe in the next book. >> stephen: well, we've already done it for you. we've already-- my graphics department put this together. this is one panel, people could download this. can we put this up on the the web site? people can download this and paste it up on the back of the book if they want. this is you on my show. i've got a captain america shield, and you've got the infinity gauntlet right there. and use it to remake the world. >> thank you. >> stephen: congressman, thank you so much. do you want to crowd surf? >> yes. >> stephen: jump into the crowd with me? >> yes. >> stephen: let's do it. ♪ ♪
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