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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  January 6, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am EST

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captioning sponsored by cbs >> hi there, i'm charlie rose. people tell me all the time, "i love your pbs show, and i wish my home looked exactly like your studio." well, now, that's possible with the charlie rose in a can. ( laughter ) every kit includes a can of black spray paint and a round wooden table. it's perfect for any room in the house because now, every room will look exactly the same. ( laughter ). >> we use the charlie rose in a can for our baby's room. >> jacob just loves the gaping void of nothingness. ( laughter ). >> i use charlie in my bathroom. and now it feels like i'm shaving in deep space. ( laughter ) with a table. >> so get charlie rose in a can today, but, please, do not huff
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me. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, stephen welcomes charlie rose hayden panettiere and jack maxwell. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: woooo! hey, chris! what's going on, jon! good to see you. ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: that's awfully nice. thank you. welcome to "the late show," everybody. thank you for being here. thank you up there. welcome. please, have a seat. thank you very much. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. happy friday, everybody! are you ready for the weekend? i am, too. we are exactly two weeks away from trump's inauguration, and two weeks from today. >> jon: that's right, that's right. >> stephen: it's very exciting. ( laughter ) while no one really, honestly, people have their guesses, while no one knows exactly what life's going to be like under a trump presidency, we are learning just what sort of damage trump can do with his thumbs. for instance, yesterday, he tweeted: "toyota motor said they will build a new plant in baja, mexico, to build corolla cars for u.s. no way! build plant in u.s. or pay big
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border tax." yeah, toyota, you can't build that factory in mexico. americans should be building those japanese cars! ( laughter ) all right. read the constitution! >> jon: look at the constitution. it's in the constitution. trump's toyota tweet had some serious consequences. here's the deal, because the company's stock price plummeted, and toyota lost $1.2 billion in value in the five minutes after trump tweeted it. it just shows how powerful trump is getting because before he was elected president, he was only to bankrupt his own companies. now it's anybody. now it's anybody. it's anybody. ( applause ) and the is it's thumbs could strike at any moment. any time he needs to go to the bathroom-- bang, bang, bang, bang! >> jon: right, right. >> stephen: nobody knows when
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the business-clobbering thumb tweets will strike next, because even trump's press secretary and seasoning for human meat, sean spicer, says, "i do not know. i do not get a memo," when trump is about to tweet. "he drives the train on this." and i'm being told we have some footage of trump driving the train on this. ( applause ) stay safe. stay safe out there. thank you. that's an exclusive. that was exclusive footage, i believe, that we have. so, we're one week into the new year so far. everybody got new year's resolutions? you guys make any? good ones? i posted all my new year's resolutions on facebook. they are: go on a diet, join a gym, stop going on facebook. and, also, facebook c.e.o. mark
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zuckerface, said his goal by the end of this year "is to have visited and met people in every state." so much better than last year's resolution: publish fake news in every language. some people are saying-- yes, fake news! lie to me! but some people are saying that "mark zuckerberg's 2017 plan to visit all u.s. states hints at political ambitions." and i know that's true, because i did not read it on facebook. and i wouldn't be surprised if zuckerberg ran for office. zuckerberg's an ambitious guy. he says he's "run 365 miles, built an a.i. system for my home and learned mandarin." "hun hao." ( laughter ) i gota say, personally, i think mark zuckerberg running for president would not be the worst thing that could happen, because the worst thing has already happened.
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it's personal. it's personal. a lot of people are happy. i admit, a lot of people are happy, and i could be wrong. you have to admit when you're wrong, right. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: you have to get forgiveness for your sins and everything. you know how i learned those ethics is i'm a catholic. and as a catholic, i was excited this week to learn that a mcdonald's just opened at the vatican. ( laughter ) here's the deal, here's the deal, here's the deal. you know your quarter pounder's ready when you see the white smoke. ( laughter ) that's the only difference. now, not everyone is singing the mc-praises of this decision to use vatican-owned property for a fast food chain. one cardinal at the vatican complained, "it would be better to use those spaces to help the needy of the area; spaces for hospitality upo, shelter, and hp for those who suffer.
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with all this controversy, i wonder how god feels about this. god? >> hi, stephen. happy friday. >> stephen: god, everybody. god, how do you feel about this? >> ♪ bah-bah-bah-bah-da i'm lovin' it! >> stephen: wait, god, that really kind of shocks me. i didn't know you were into fast food. >> come on, i didn't want you eating fruits and vegetables. i specifically told you not to eat the apple. >> stephen: wait, so, you love mccarthy's? >> sure! just consider the mcnugget. like noah's ark, it contains two of each animal. ( laughter ). >> stephen: i didn't-- i didn't know that, lord. >> yeah, the garden of eden was catered by micky d's. in fact, the serpent tempted adam with a hot apple pie. yeah, not only did it grant him knowledge of good and evil. it burned the roof of his mouth. poor guy. stephen: it was worth it, though. >> oh, delicious. and believe it or not, i made eve out of a mcrib. ( laughter ). >> stephen: really, wow? that's-- that's amazing, lord.
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but if you don't mind me asking, what's the mcrib made out of? >> stephen, there are some things even god doesn't know. >> stephen: the lord, everybody, give it up! >> so long, everybody! happy friday. >> stephen: thank you very much. now say hi to jon batiste. and stay human, everybody. ♪ ♪ you know, over there, just moments ago, when i was standing-- if you guys can remember that far back-- i was talking to the lord and talking about how i'm a devout catholic. but as busy as i am, i don't have time for my second favorite catholic tradition. that's saying confession. my most favorite is hearing confession because no one
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economics who's behind that screen. you can just walk in there. right now, if you all don't mind, i'd like to take a moment to confess to you, my audience. you won't tell anybody, right? >> audience: of course not! >> stephen: great. this is "midnight confessions!" ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: standard disclaimer: i don't know if these are technically sins, but i do feel bad about them. okay, don't go anywhere. forgive me audience, i don't stretch before i exercise because i don't exercise. ( laughter ) sometimes, stiernlings aldience,
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i hide behind the open fridge door to drink straight from the juice bottle, and then i lick straight from the butter stick. ( laughter ) audience, the only way i know how to clean a scarf is by to stick it in a drawer for six moangz. sometimes i tell my family i have house repairs to do, then just go in the garage and rev a bunch of power tools. ( laughter ) almost that should hold it! ( laughter ) "mad max: fury road" was nothing compared to how i drive a rental car. ( laughter )
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i know i shouldn't, but i do have a favorite child, and it's malia. ( laughter ) ( applause ) no, sasha-- no, they're both great. i don't know what i'm saying. people say i have a gambling problem, but i bet i don't. ( laughter ) audience, to jump start my new year's party, i put vodka in the humidifier. ( laughter ) fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, i will murder you in your sleep. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) just to mess with burglars, i leave a key under the mat that's not to my house. ( laughter )
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for spring break, my kids want to go someplace warm, so i got them jobs at a steel plant. ( laughter ) when people say i'm self-centered, i can't help but think they're talking about me. ( laughter ) when i was a child, i had a lot of imaginary friends. they were real people. i just imagined they were my friends. ( laughter ) whenever i spill something on my couch, i just flip the cushion over. and if there's already a stain on the other side, i burn the house down. ( laughter ) i really want washboard abs, but all i have is a fabric softener ass. forgive me, audience.
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>> audience: we forgive you! >> stephen: thanks! we'll be right back with charlie rose. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) i will nevi wnevereverair again. wash my hair again now, i fuel it new pantene doesn't just wash your hair, it fuels it. with the first pro-v nutrient blend, making every... ...strand stronger don't just wash your hair fuel it fuel your hair. because strong is beautiful. this is your tax return. ok. now, there are many right ways to fill out this tax return. and the irs will accept them all.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. my first guest is the co-anchor of "cbs this morning," which is celebrating its five-year anniversary; the host of "charlie rose," which is celebrating 25 years; and a correspondent to "60 minutes," which has been on the air since the dawn of mankind.
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please welcome, charlie rose! ♪ ♪ ( applause ) now, officially, i'm going to let the cat out of the bag here, this is our friday show. >> right. >> stephen: but we tape this friday show on thursday, so tonight is officially your birthday. happy 75th birthday. >> january 5! ( cheers and applause ) thank you, thank you. >> stephen: it should be a national holiday, charlie rose! >> i'm for that. >> stephen: but if it was a national holiday, you wouldn't take it off because you never stop working. you work harder than anybody i know. >> i work hard because i love what i do. well, so do you. >> stephen: i do enjoy what i do but i only do one show at a time. >> maybe that's a good idea, reduce it down to one show. >> stephen: did you really grow up working at a general store? >> i did. my parents in henderson, mother carolina, had a general store. >> stephen: that's the most american thing you could have, right? >> it is. >> stephen: either that or a bald eagle factory.
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>> it's not only that. my father believed in the work ethic, so he made me start working when i was about six years old. i'd get up in the morning and go down and put stuff in the front of store. >> stephen: like what? >> like feed and seed, things like that. >> stephen: wow. >> it was great. >> stephen: you're a storybook. >> a storied life. >> stephen: i assume you're not having a huge party tonight. >> oh, no! >> stephen: i would have been invited. >> you would have been. the invitation didn't get to you? the internet does it every time. >> stephen: it's the russians! damn you putin, damn you! >> and you would have loved it. >> stephen: i can come with you? >> yes! >> stephen: do you have big plans tonight? you had big plans this morning. this morning, i noticed on "cbs this morning,"-- >> this morning, yeah. >> stephen: when i said is celebrating five years. congratulations. >> oh, boy. a great run. my coanchors, norah o'donnell, gayle king. >> stephen: both friends of the show. you got a very special little song sung to you by rita moreno
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♪ happy birthday to you happy birthday to you ♪ happy birthday charlie rose-- hey, you're too cooperative. ( laughter ) >> stephen: congratulations. i gotta say, though, you really, really seemed to know your way around a lap dance, charlie rose. >> oh, yes. lap dancing with an 85-year-old who is brilliant, a great singer and remarkable woman,. >> stephen: she's an emmy-grammy,-oscar-tony. >> she as all that. >> stephen: you didn't know that? >> no. >> stephen: i just informed charlie rose about something. how was your 2016? >> it was a good year. you mentioned "cbs this morning." we had a really good year, gaining audience. your guy was the creator of "cbs this morning." >> stephen: my executive producer is the creator of "cbs
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this morning." >> but it's been a gret year. we're up 42% from the time we began. we're hoping it will continue to grow. we're trying to make it better every day. >> stephen: i'll have to try that-- for the every day. that's a fantastic idea. how come you don't have us do that over here, chris. >> he said he was going to come over here and make you better. that's what he said to me when he left. >> stephen: he keeps trying to put me in tights. he wants to dress me up the way you dress up. this is you-- this is you with norah and gayle. >> yeah. >> stephen: wearing tennis shoes and versace pants. >> i say if it makes you comfortable, do it. that's my motto. if it makes you comfortable, do it. >> stephen: that seems to work for you. >> it did. >> stephen: though you-- though you are 75. >> yes, sir. and i feel better than i've ever felt in my life. >> stephen: really? >> yeah. >> stephen: i'm 52.
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i should look forward to 75? >> look forward to it. i'm trying to be-- >> stephen: i never had this before. "town&country" just named you one of the top bachelors of 2017. >> yes! >> stephen: uh-huh yeah, no. >> it's inexplicable to me. >> stephen: are you sexier in the town or the country? ( laughter ) charlie. >> country. country. >> stephen: country boy. >> oh, yeah, country boy. >> stephen: all right, we're two weeks away from the inauguration of donald trump. you're famously curious about everything in the world. what are you most curious about in the trump administration? what interests you most about what will happen? >> i just think it will be interesting to see when he goes to office eye mean, every president will tell you there's nothing that really prepares you, and once you're in the oval office, it's a sobering experience knowing what you're responsible for, and knowing that your finger is on the nuclear button. >> stephen: what's it like to be in his office? because after the election,
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trump-- president-elect-- famously called anchors, heads of news bureaus into his conference room in trump tower and dressed them down. were you there? >> i was there. >> stephen: okay. >> an experience -- >> what was that like? >> well. >> stephen: to watch him chew out news people. >> well, he talked specifically, as it was reported to cnn other ands -- >> how about cbs? did he tear into cbs? >> he didn't say much about cbs? >> stephen: he didn't? >> he didn't. >> stephen: does he like us? does he like us? i just want to know whether the president-elect likes the network they work for? >> i don't know. >> stephen: did he talk about me at all? >> no, he didn't mention you, he did not. but you were like me, you haven't had him on your program. >> stephen: i have. >> you haven't had him on your program? >> is he a good interview. >> stephen: you interviewed him. >> on c.t.m. i have. and i interviewed him when i was anchoring the news for scott
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pelley. >> stephen: he's a very different person from what you see on television. >> what would you say? >> stephen: i would say he is very different in that he's reasonable. on the campaign trail i think he made his bones by being inflammatory. but in person, he's just a guy. >> i have a theory about that. i think making his bones is what he decide he had to do. i think to be disruptive was his campaign strategy because he thought people were tired of washington, wanted to see a different kind of person, and he defined that as being disruptive, somewhat -- >> chaotic. >> somebody chaotic who would disrupt and be chaotic, and, in fact, would challenge everybody, would show that he had no fear of anybody in attacking them. >> stephen: do you imagine that will continue, though, because don't we want steady leadership in the white house? i mean, i hope it doesn't, because it-- i think it's best for everyone, better for world peace and business if you have some expectation of what's going to happen tomorrow and the way he kept people off their balance was not letting you know what he'd be like tomorrow. >> obviously, predictability, and some sense of certainty
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about the way the other person will behave is an important part of diplomacy. on the other hand, there are those who argue that a little bit of unpredictability is probably a good thing so they don't take you for granted. i think the most important point is that, you know, he's going to walk into the oval office, and no matter what he is hearing or doing today, it's going to be different. it's all on his hands then, and the question is-- nobody can do this job alone-- but in the end you have to make the decisions as president. >> stephen: we have to take a commercial break right now. we'll be right back with more charlie rose. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) eard it all. eat more fiber. flax seeds. yogurt. get moving. keep moving. i know! try laxatives. been there, done that. my chronic constipation keeps coming back. i know. tell me something i don't know. vo: linzess works differently from laxatives. linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation
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my husband wants to stay free from artificial ingredients. my whole family wants to stay free from artificial preservatives. and my debit card wants to stay on a diet. fill your cart with giant's nature's promise brand. great prices on over 800 organic and free-from items. eat well for less. my giant. ( applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, we're back with our friend charlie rose. hey, charlie, there's been big news in the news world this week because megyn kelly has announced she's leaving fox news and going over to nbc.
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what do you make of that kind of change? i mean, she said she kind of wants to be a little charlie rose. she said she wants to be part charlie rose, part oprah, and part megyn kelly. wouldn't that be a good show? >> god help us. >> stephen: what part of you do you think she wants to be? >> i don't know. that was my question, too-- "what part am i?" i think she would like to do long-form thoughtful interviews. i think that's part of me. i think oprah is just a genius at what she does. and i think megyn likes to do news interviews as well, short news interviews as she's doing. i think she was ready to move. they offered her a lot of money at fox to stay. they wanted her to stay. in some ways, with changes over there she would be one of the important people at fox. but she wanted to do different things. she wanted to interview beyond politics. she and i had a number of conversations-- she's a friend of mine, but i haven't spoken to her about this decision. so she goes over there, and we'll see. as you know, when you go from one place to another, it's not a
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piece of cake. >> stephen: no it's a big difference. especially cable to network is a whole new world. >> oh, yes! she could be calling stephen saying, "stephen..." >> stephen: call me, megyn. >> and say -- >> one of the ways she could be like charlie rose is have an interesting technol. you always have devices on you. do you have any on you right now? >> i don't. i carry two iphone 6. one on at&t and one on verizon. >> stephen: do you endorse both of them? why do you have two of them? >> i like to look at one while talking on the other. i have the echo. alexa, you say, "alexa, what time is it?" or you say, "alexa, where's stephen?" and she says, "do you mean stephen colbert of cbs?" and you say, "yeah." or they might say, "what are stephen's favorite ayersts? who are they?" >> stephen: you have two cell phones. you could just call me and ask
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me those things, charlie rose. it sounds very lonely for one of the most eligible bachelors of 2017, charlie rose. >> you know what, lonely is nothing i've ever known. >> stephen: really? >> i think you can be alone but not lonely. really, when i'm alone, i find it a joyful time. you know. >> stephen: when i-- >> i really do. but at the same time i'm anxious to be with people, with friends, and sharing experiences. >> stephen: you don't actually just "i need charlie rose time." >> i do. that's what i mean. i don't mind being alone. >> stephen: but you're never lonely. >> never lonely. >> stephen: wow. >> there are so many interesting things, i think, happening around us. you're the same way, right? ( applause ). >> stephen: don't applaud. don't applaud. he doesn't speak for me. i'm a very lonely person. >> are you really? >> stephen: i do get lonely sometimes. >> lonely? you mean you feel like, what? do you feel depressed? are you sad? >> stephen: no, i'm not depressed. and i'm not sad. but i think to be a human being is to be alone if you-- i mean,
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i have an awareness of my inability at times to connect with other people because i can't say exactly what i mean-- >> in the tv business? >> stephen: exactly. you can't directly connect. the inability to fully love another person is a form of loneliness. >> the of "the inability to fully love another person." are you incapable of fully loving another person? >> stephen: i don't know how to fully love another person because there is always some part of me that i'm not sharing. there is always some part of me i don't know how to open up and give it to another person. even-- >> even your family? >> stephen: even my family. >> there are things about you that they don't know? >> stephen, of course. there are things about you that people in your life don't know. surely, there are some secrets about charlie rose that you would not share with us right now. >> well, this is different, you right here. that's different. >> stephen: but you're saying-- >> you're talking about your family! >> stephen: still, don't you examine your conscience privately. >> you're much more religious than i am. even though i met the pope.
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>> stephen: you did meet the pope! look at this! look at that! you met the pope! you're not even catholic! >> i'm not catholic! >> stephen: you met the pope. i am catholic, and i haven't met this guy. when did you find out he wanted to meet you, charlie? >> when i went over there to a conference. >> stephen: so you weren't there to meet the pope. >> no, no, no. but i went over there and did a thing with the pope's choir. it's very nice. they haveave wonderful choir. we did it for "60 minutes--" i didn't sing. i'm the last person you want to hear sing. the success, most all of singer. >> stephen: no? >> it's something i regret most about my life that i am not a gifted singer. >> stephen: does it make you feel lonely? >> no. >> stephen: charlie, thank you for being here. happy birthday. never be alone. never be alone. "cbs this morning" airs monday through saturday on cbs. "charlie rose" airs weeknights on pbs and bloomberg. the great charlie rose, everybody. we'll be right back with hayden
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest tonight is an actress and singer, best known as the un-killable cheerleader on "heroes," and currently the honky-tonk diva on "nashville." please welcome hayden panettiere. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> wooo! wow! >> stephen: nice to have you. >> this is beautiful!
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>> stephen: now, listen. >> wow! ♪ ♪ >> stephen: here's one of the reasons i'm excited about having you on. sometimes you have a guest on a talk show, and they're a little nervous on talk shows, they haven't been on many before, but you're a total talk show pro because people may not know but you've been going on talk shows since you were seven. here you are on "the tonight show" with leno at seven years old. >> '96. >> stephen: '96. i was seven in '96, too. we're very similar age. >> how old were you. >> stephen: what? >> never mind. >> stephen: i think i had a seven-year-old in 1996. >> i think that was for a wendy's commercial. >> stephen: how good of the wendy's commercial. >> it must have been good. listen, dave thomas was still around, god bless him. >> stephen: god bless dave thomas. >> and i got to do a couple windy's commercials with him. >> stephen: with dave. >> with dave. dave thomas. >> stephen: that's an icon. that's like lee ike coacha.
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he's the lee iacocca of hamburgers. it's square with the wheels on it. >> let's do it. >> stephen: what was it like as a seven-year-old to be on a national talk show like that, were you self-confident. >> when you're seven you can-- everything, everything is great. everything's amazing. you are the best -- >> what was this? were you taking your top off as a seven-year-old. really, that's what it loo lookd like and it was not appropriate. >> you could be in your birthday suit and you could be the most confident person in the room at seven years old. >> stephen: wow. >> right? ( applause ) that's gone flying out the window. >> stephen: so do you work continually from seven? like you seem like a perfectly well-adjusted person and child stars often art. >> um, how do you know? ( laughter ). >> stephen: i guess i don't. i guess i don't. you could freak out on me at any moment. >> i could. >> stephen: it would be good for ratings if you wanted to do
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that. it would be nice. "hayden panettiere freaks out on 'stephen colbert'." i like-- i'd like to get a screen grab of that, please. ( applause ). >> i actually was on soaps from-- i did about, like, 50 commercials, i think, and i did soaps for eight years. i was on "guiding light." >> stephen: you've done soaps. obviously "nashville." >> "nashville." >> stephen: what are some of the craziest storylines you ever had to be part of? >> i think-- you know, "nashville," the stories lines have been pretty crazy. but i think requested gieting light" takes the cake. i mean they threw me down a well. >> stephen: why did they throw you down a well? >> i don't know. i must have pissed them off. i got leukemia, not once, but twice. i was kidnapped -- >> when you're working on a soap roopera and you get leukemia, yr character gets leukemia, do you think, "i have to be nicer to
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the writers?" because they could just write you out of the show at any minute? >> a self-conscious person would, but how old was i? >> stephen: i don't know. >> i was, like eight. i was still in that bracket where i didn't care. i was good. my confidence was soaring. luckily, they didn't kill me. i shot my mom's boyfriend. ( laughter ) >> stephen: again, on the soap opera. >> on the soap opera. >> stephen: child stars are known for a lot of things. >> on the soap opera. >> stephen: you have your own child right here. >> i do. >> stephen: this is kia. >> that's kia! >> stephen: two years old. >> two years old december 9. >> stephen: do you have any plans, do you think she might have interest? does she have the self-confidence to be an actress? do you think she might want to do that. >that. >> please, god, no. i hope not. i hope not. i mean-- i will support whatever she wants to do. she's a spitfire. she's-- we've got three fire
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signs in the family. we've got myself, i'm a leo. she's a sag-- astrology, if you don't know-- and her father is an airies. so we're all three fire signs, which makes for quite a household. >> stephen: i will take your word for it. >> you should. she's the center of attention. >> stephen: her father is a champion boxer. would you be okay if she became a boxer? women do that now, too? >> i know. let's go doctor. ( laughter ) veterinarian! i could live vicariously throuh her. a lot of moms do that. >> stephen: now, when your husband-- >> a lot of stage moms do that. >> stephen: when your husband boxes, he's got a match coming up? >> april 29, yes. >> stephen: do you watch? it must be nerve wracking to watch your husband go into a ring? >> i have a lot of anxiety, but i-- you know, over the years, i've-- learned to settle myself and know that no matter how much anxiety i have, no matter how
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worried i am, there's nothing that will change what happens in the ring. i trust him. he's a big boy. he can handle himself. >> stephen: he's a very big boy. >> he's a very, very, very, very big boy. >> stephen: he's 6'6". >> he is. >> stephen: and you are slightly shorter than that. >> just a little bit but inside i'm not. inside i'm huge. that sounded terrible. >> stephen: that's the seven-year-old coming back out. well, it was lovely to meet you, hayden. thank you so much for being here. "nashville" airs thursdays on cmt. hayden panettiere, everyone. we'll be right back with the host of "booze traveler," jack maxwell. stick around. ♪ by the time you head to the bank and wait to get approved for a home loan, that newly listed, mid-century ranch with the garden patio will be gone. or you could push that button. sfx: rocket launching. cockpit sounds and music crescendo. skip the bank, skip the waiting, and go completely online.
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( applause ) ♪ ♪
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( band playing ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody. folks, my next guest searches for the world's most interesting
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drinks as the host of "booze traveler." please welcome jack maxwell. ♪ ♪ ( applause ) >> stephen: all right, this is a perfect subject to start off the weekend. having a cocktail. >> or any day. >> stephen: well, some of us have to work in the morning. now, your job is to travel the world and drink? >> yes! >> stephen: how does one-- how does one get that gig? ( laughter ) nice work-- how do you become an expert on drinking? do you go to college or something like that? >> well, i skipped the school part of the college and went right to the drinking parent of the college. >> stephen: okay, okay. what am i missing out in the world? what have you gone out and discovered on the show-- it's on travel channel? >> it is. >> stephen: travel channel "booze traveler." what are some of the strangest
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drinks we would not expect to be served in the united states that you found out in the world? >> there's one in cambodia. do you like tarantulas. >> stephen: i do not. i'm not a spider fan. >> how about drinking one. >> stephen: how do you drink a tarantula? >> very slowly. ( laughter ) or else-- no, actually, he is expired at the time. they get tarantulas, they cut off the fangs. the venom drips out, then they put him in what they call wine, which is not wine as you and i know it. but it's a rice-based alcohol, like a moonshine. they put the tarantulas in, thinking that you get the spirit of the tarantula-- whatever that means. but-- okay. so-- ( laughter ) to each his own! so then they have a glass that they put this stuff in with all the tarantulas in the bottle, but then they put one in your glaz. so you ever do this with a glass and then the ice comes in-- well, the spider comes on to your face. it's true!
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( laughter ) and the leg legs are all-- and u have to peel them off and they're fuzzy! and than they took it! >> stephen: i'm guessing it's not the first drink you have. i'm guessing four drinks in you're saying, "i'll take the spider drink." what is this? is this beer here? this is called closter noizele? >> i don't know how to say that, either. >> stephen: what is this? >> this is antiaging beer, or so they will tell you. >> stephen: antiaging? >> you know why? >> stephen: because you're drunk and you can't remember how old you are. >> you just think you are. it spas spirilana, a blue-green algae, supposedly the healthiest food on earth, bioflavanoids and it's also blessed by the pope. >> stephen: wow. >> so they say how do you get the pope to bless your gear, right? a guy sweers, he took us in and
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says we have several people who shampoo with this and they are hair went from white on black is what they say. how about cheers to that. >> stephen: cheers to that? ( applause ) you know they say, liquor before pope never fear. all right. >> i never heard that, but i believe it. >> stephen: here we go. what is this? that looks like bourbon to me. >> well, not exactly. this is deerantler vodka. >> stephen: deer antler vodka. >> they steep deer antler hearts for a long time and put it in the vodka because they believe, in siberia, where it's from, that you get infused with the spirit of the reindeer. >> stephen: if you drop a tarantula in here-- >> then you have super powers. >> stephen: you have a spider the size of a reindeer. there gu. this smells fantastic. actually, it smells really good. >> shall we shoot it? >> stephen: yeah.
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mmm. that's not bad. i would drink that. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> now do you want to pull a sleigh? >> stephen: all right. exactly! (bleep) santa claus. all right. ( laughter ) i imagine is what one might say. if one were a drunk reindeer. ( laughter ) okay, now, what-- what is this? what is this? and why won't i want to drink it? >> this is a moheato. >> stephen: it looks like a hojito. >> but, literally, this is ant butts. big-bottomed ants. this is from colombia.
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they put ant butts in your mojito. they're crispy, crunchy, salty. try one, they're nice. >> stephen: i'm not going to have an allergic reaction, right? >> how do i know? what do you think? >> stephen: that is really good ant butt. that's the best ant butt i have ever eaten. >> as ant butts go. >> stephen: when it came to ants, i didn't know i was a butt man. ( laughter ) man! >> but the drink, now the drink -- >> i am reindeer hammered right now. that did not take long. cheers. do i swirl it? is there anything in here or just the ant butt that makes it different. >> it's just the ant butt. not too many. >> stephen: you know what? sprinkle a couple of these in there and we're good. >> let's mix it all up. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: well, cheers, cheers. thank you very much. nice to meet you. >> nice to meet you, too. >> stephen: you can catch "booze
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traveler" monday nights on the travel channel. jack maxwell, everybody! we'll be right back. ♪ ♪
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>> stephen: wooo! hey! folks, that's it for "the late show"." join us next week when i'll be talking to billy joel, erin andrews, and jude law. our friend james corden is next. have a great weekend!
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captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from botswana, give it up for youros

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