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tv   Newsline  LINKTV  January 9, 2017 5:00am-5:31am PST

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are you ready, kids? kids: aye, aye, captain! i can't hear you. ( louder ): aye, aye, captain! ♪ oh... ♪ who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪ ♪ spongebob squarepants! ♪ ♪ absorbent and yellow and porous is he. ♪ ♪ spongebob squarepants! ♪ ♪ if nautical nonsense be something you wish... ♪ ♪ spongebob squarepants! ♪ ♪ then drop on the deck and flop like a fish. ♪ ♪ spongebob squarepants! ♪ ♪ ready? spongebob squarepants! ♪ ♪ spongebob squarepants! ♪ spongebob squarepants! ♪ spongebob squarepants! ( laughs heartily ) [captioning sponsored by the u.s. department of education ( plays airy tune ) and nickelodeon]
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( growling and grunting ) it's time to grow myself large and wide. ( struggling ) ( grunting slowly builds up ) ( groaning frenziedly ) ( yells ) ( doorbell rings ) howdy, spongebob. how's it going? not too close, sandy. i tend to get smelly when i'm pumping iron. check it out. well, you're smelly. all thanks to my state-of-the-art weight set. uh... i don't want to disappoint you, spongebob but you won't see progress lifting those. oh, really? that is, if you want arms like these. huh? or these. or these!
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well, maybe i could use a little help. well, if you want arms like mine you just got to follow my training program. wow! really? that'd be great, sandy. i can see me now. ( humming light tune, feet landing with thuds ) good night, gary. ( meows ) yeah, that would change everything. be at my place at 5:00 a.m. oh, and you'll need a water helmet. ( spongebob grunting ) come on, spongebob. it's only pushups. come on, come on, you can do it. ( grunting ) ( groaning frenziedly ) ( pop ) one. ( dings ) all right, put them up. ( groaning ) they're up. ding, ding. ( panting )
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( panting quickens ) ( richocheting boings ) feeling the burn? i'm feeling something! ( screams ) ( smack ) ( squeaking ) well, now that we've got you warmed up it's time for the arm cruncher. arm cruncher, great. ( loud slamming ) this squirrel's trying to kill me. this is it. spongebob ( on phone ): that's great! we'll have to do it again sometime-- bye. ( dial tone hums ) this working out thing isn't working out. ( heartbeat throbbing ) ow! ow! ow! ( gruffly, on tv ): hey! hey, you! wimpy, wimpy, wimpy. "ooh, i'm a little peanut worm." are you too much of a wimp to work out? are you a weakling built like a sponge? well, now, you, too, can have muscles. huh? with anchor arms! they slip on like a glove.
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just add air. ( air hisses ) how big do you want them? normal? veiny? and for the ladies... hairy. ( whistles ) i was a wimp before anchor arms. now i'm a jerk, and everybody loves me. so order now, wimp! wow... now, that's a good idea. ( meows ) i want to be just like him. yeah, i've got to get to a phone. ( slurping ) spongebob: hi, squidward. ( muffled ): spongebob? ( humming ) ( gasps ) ahoy, mr. krabs. mother-of-pearl! ( all grunting ) ( all gasp ) ow. ow. hi, guys. spongebob, is that you?
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who are you expecting? tiny tim? wait, wait... big, aren't they? dude, you're ripped. thank... you. i've been working out. excuse me a second. yeah. anyone for the juice bar? i'm telling you, he's huge! have you guys seen spongebob anywhere? you mean musclebob buffpants? he's in there. uh... whatever. thanks. spongebob: i start off with 20 raw eggs every day but that's just me. working out is my life. i remember when i used to look like that guy over there. who, me? ( others laugh ) i remember when i used to look like you, too. ( all laugh harder ) but that was a long time ago. here's your drink, sir. thank you. ( grunting ) oop.
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( grunting ) ( rattling ) ( grunting ) ( slurps ) yeah. sandy: spongebob? where'd you get those muscles? i've created my own workout routine that's giving me amazing results-- oops. yeah, i have never felt better. heck, what's your secret? what? your secret workout-- what is it? ( all inquire at once ) hmm-- well, i, uh... first i... take my hand and i do this. ( makes farting noise ) are you kidding? do these muscles lie? ( all repeat imitation farting ) i'm glad to see you've found an exercise program that works for you. yeah, your workout routine wasn't quite tough enough for me. can't argue with those results. what you need to do now is put those muscles to the test. uh... what do you mean? the mussel beach anchor toss competition.
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it's today. here's your drink. ( air deflating ) hey, with those arms, you'll do great. well, i'm not sure. come on, let's go. right now? wait, wait, sandy! i don't think it's such a... sandy, wait! ( groaning ) here it is-- the sign-in list. oh, no. okay. sandy... ( grunting ) cheeks. ( groaning ) wait, sandy-- don't sign just yet. ( frenzied struggling ) okay... wait! spongebob... squarepants. ( yelling wildly ) ( snaps ) spongebob: oh, sandy. wait! it's okay, spongebob. i already signed your name in. oh, great. thanks, sandy. announcer ( over p.a. ): are we on?
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welcome to the goo lagoon eighth annual anchor toss competition. ( all grunting ) ( knees knocking ) ready, spongebob? oh, yeah, sure, no problem. ( blows frantically ) can i get some mustard on that? oh-- first up, dom the whale. ( all cheering ) 200 yards! announcer: wow! let's see an instant replay. amazing! up next, larry the lobster. ( yells ) ( screaming ) ( panting ) 210 yards! announcer: here goes sandy cheeks. whoa... yee-ahh! ( fearful squealing )
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( thud ) 510 yards! announcer: wow! fabulous. beat that, spongebob. up next, spongebob squarepants. all ( making farting noises and chanting ): spongebob! spongebob! ( struggling, grunting ) ouch. ( audience booing, whistling ) uh... just kidding. ( laughter and cheering ) that spongebob's funnier than ears on an acorn. oh, this is it. they're all going to find out i'm a fake. i can't give up. i've got to try. i can do it! i've got anchor arms. i'm no wimp. i'm a jerk! ( blows ) yeah.
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( heavy groaning ) ( air hisses ) ( crowd boos; air hisses ) ( air hisses ) all: ooh. ( air hisses ) ( air hisses ) ( boinging ) all ( chanting ): spongebob! spongebob! ( screams ) ( explosion ) ( air whistles as arms deflate ) ooh. i think he lost. all ( chanting ): sandy! sandy! sandy! ( chuckles weakly ) spongebob: 96... 97... 98...
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99... 100. i want a hundred more. it hurts. one, two, three, four... i think we finally found an exercise for you, spongebob. nine, ten... ( pop ) can you get that?
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justice is spelled b-o-x.hero, say hello to a powerful tool that gives you options to fit your budget. ♪ oh, i'm tied to this chair! ♪ dun-dun-daaaa! i don't know that an insurance-themed comic book is what we're looking for. did i mention he can save people nearly $600? you haven't even heard my catchphrase. i'm all done with this guy. box him up. that's terrible.
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squidward: have i told you how beautiful you are? your tentacles, your nose, your eyes...? a little lopsided.
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there. ah. and now that i've been immortalized in wax i have conquered all artistic media. come on, my precious reflection, smile. ( crash ) hike, patrick, hike! ( spongebob groaning ) you just lost three points. one... two... five. g-7! g-7? king me, king me! i lose! but it's not tuesday, patrick. tartar sauce! squidward: hey! what are you invertebrates doing? we don't know. we don't know. hey, patrick, do you know what time it is? uh, yeah, squidward. it's... time to find some other game to play. ( laughing ) ( humming happily ) ( old-time music playing )
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ah! now what? we could toss that shell back and forth. okay! ready! go! i got it, i got it. i got it, i got it, i got it! ( statue thumps on floor ) huh? ( mumbles ) remember, patrick, finders keepers. there it is! i got it! i got it! i got it! i got it! bonus points. uh, patrick? i think something's wrong with squidward. he looks unconscious. don't worry. i know how to do this. ( inhaling deeply ) ( breath squeaking out ) ( inhaling again ) ( buzzing like deflating balloon ) get off him, patrick! what are you worried about? he looks better already. but he still feels cold. well, let's go put him in the warm.
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do you think he'll be okay? you know, you worry too much. the patrick is here and spongebob, i know a lot about head injuries, believe... ( snaps fingers ) me. hey, what's that on your shoe? i don't know. it kind of looks like... squidward! squidward! ( both yelling ) spongebob: get him off me! go away, go away! ( humming contentedly as music continues playing ) no, no, that part goes here. oh, yeah... yeah, th-that's it, uh-huh. we're almost there. we can do this. it's working, it's working. this is working. patrick, this isn't working! look! i don't know how to say it but our old pal squidward, he's... he's... he's pushing up daisies. oh, i thought he was dead. ( door squeaks ) ( yells )
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( screams ) what are you doing here?! ( teeth chattering ) no!... no! well, are you two going to say something or... no, stay back! what is the matter with you two? don't! don't hurt us! ( sobbing ): it was an accident. what are you two talking about? ( splat ) ( screams ) look what you've done to me! when i get my hands on you, i'll... spongebob: please, mr. squidward ghost. spare us your ghostly anger! ( kissing ) oh, yes, mr. squidward's ghost! please don't haunt us. we'll do anything you want. just have mercy on us! ( menacingly ): enough. listen up! squidward's ghost is feeling unusually generous today. he hath decided to spare ye a horrible fate. ( hissing ) all ye must do is tend to my every whim and tickle my fancy on demand.
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does that include... quiet! now, do as you're told lest ye incur the wrath of squidward! i think they make a cream for that now. ( panting and groaning ) here? too hot. ( huffing and puffing ) here? no, too wet. keep going. keep going. here? too loose, lautrec. ( rim shot ) too tired... perfect. hmm, i feel... needy. slaves, fetcheth me some nourishment. only the freshest, o spooky one. a grape fresh from the vine, your ghostliness. mmm, mmm, mmm! a banana peeled to your liking your incorporialness. mmm... ( gulps ) one watermelon... d'oh! fresh from the manure field
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your spookiness. art thou not pleased? ( spitting, sputtering ) enough of that! i want something else to eat now. something that's very difficult to find. what do you hunger for, master? whatever you want, we'll find it. we'll find it! cherry pie. where'd you get that? i found it. well, go find it again! spongebob, get over here. now spin around. that's better. now jog in place. say "flank steak." flank steak. i think i'm beginning to like this. stop. ( feet squeal ) now play me an elaborate song with this! but... this is just a piece of tissue paper. oh, my! always have to have it our way, don't we? oh, boo-hoo. ( tries to play song )
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i can't do it! well, i hope you don't have any plans tonight because you're not allowed to leave that spot till i hear a song. ( crickets chirping ) ( rooster crows ) squidward: what's this? napping on the job? you're supposed to be making music for me. as punishment for this insolence squidward's ghost commandeth you to clean out his back room. i found it. i'll take that. yes, your ghostliness. ( slurps ) this is fun. patrick, are you ready for this? patrick: yes. okay, let's go. patrick, are you coming? yes. patrick, it's this way. where? here. oh! coming! how are we going to clean up all this mess?
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it's easy. just tear this wallpaper off. ( guffaws ) oh, look, you missed some. oh, let's see. it's a comic book, and look at this-- it's the origin of the flying dutchman. it says when he died they used his body as a window display. now he haunts the seven seas because he was never put to rest. well, don't you get it, patrick? we're going to go shopping? no! we're going to put poor old squidward to rest. ow! what the heck was that? initiation. ( giggles ) that was part one of your ceremony. ceremony for what? we're going to put you to rest. i don't want to be put to rest! all i want are those chores done. now, did you clean the back room yet? yeah. oh, really? i'm going to go check. ( screams ) okay, get in. are you crazy? i'm not getting in. but you said we could put you to rest. i didn't say anything like that. now, get out of my house! okay.
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( door closes ) ( sighs ) now what? i wrote "here lies squidward. you may not remember him, but..." ( screams ) oh, hi, squidward. does this look deep enough? spongebob, cut that out! spongebob: oh, look, the mourners. oh, squidward, we all came as soon as we were sure you were dead. spongebob, are you trying to put me in the nuthouse? no, just into this hole. ( groaning ) ( sighs ) spongebob, i have a confession to make. ( squeals ) you're bald? no, i'm not bald! i'm alive! now, get rid of that tombstone and tell all your friends to go home. go home. ( all grumbling ) but i... master... i'm not your master. i'm your neighbor. now, do me a favor and stop doing me favors! as you wish, master. d'oh!
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boy, he really had us fooled. no, patrick, he's the fool. he's a ghost in denial. he needs us now more than ever. you're right. he really needs to get up to the great beyond. patrick, say that again. that again. no, the other thing. no, the other thing. no, what you said before when... no, what you said before when... never mind! i've got an idea. never mind, i've got an idea. ( somebody exhaling ) spongebob ( whispering ): i can't reach him. patrick: blow harder. ( spongebob exhaling again ) patrick: there he goes! ( sniffles ) isn't he beautiful? how high's he going to go? all the way, patrick, up to the great beyond. ( sniffles ) good-bye, friend. happy trails! ( yelling angrily ) you're welcome! you're welcome!
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he's on the other side now. yeah. he's in a better place. ( sighing ) one pint-sized hero pwas on a mission.vor, looks like somebody's gotta save snack time from a serious case of boring. watch babybel's big taste leap into action in
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the great snack rescue. you want a piece of me? good, i'm delicious. ♪ creamy, delicious, 100% natural cheese. mini babybel. snack a little bigger. ♪ (humming) ♪ so you're up at dawn, ♪ k, , look alive. ♪ you've been saving for a big man-cave. ♪ (chuckling) good luck with that, dave. ♪ you made the most of your retirement plan, ♪ ♪ so you better learn to drive that rv, man.♪ ♪ so many things you're doing in your life. ♪ ♪ ♪ nacrsugar is everywheretse. sugar shield and crest complete has a sugar shield to protect teeth from sugar found in everyday foods. crest complete. shield your teeth from sugar. so sugar may visit, but it's not sticking around.
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oh yeah!!aid man, are you a morning person? ♪ jam in more fun with half the sugar of leading regular sodas. kool-aid jammers. oh yeah!
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