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tv   Late Night With Seth Meyers  NBC  July 22, 2016 12:37am-1:38am EDT

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are joined right now by an academy award winning actress who stars in two new movies coming out soon. on september 2nd, you can see her opposite michael fassbender in "the light between oceans," and starting next friday, she, matt damon and tommy lee jones
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star in the big time action film "jason bourne." please welcome back to our show, our pal, alicia vikander! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: you can sit on the couch if you want to. you're allowed to do that. welcome back. thank you for coming back. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and congratulations on winning the oscar. oh my goodness, it was great. [ cheers and applause ] what did you do with it? >> yes. thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my favorite moment of the night -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: we love you, you're so much fun on the show, but i was still rooting for you and you won and you just looked beautiful and you were just clapping perfectly. >> oh, my god, i don't remember anything. >> jimmy: you don't? >> when i'm up there, it was a a wonderful night. >> jimmy: yeah. oh my god, it's exciting. well, now, i have you on the show, we have the great celine dion on the show. i'm very excited about this. it's a hot show tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is good, yeah. >> did you know that that
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first, back in the day, when you did my single cd. >> jimmy: oh yeah. >> "my heart will go on" was my first ever that i went to the store and bought. >> jimmy: that's your first cd? >> yeah, single. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. oh, yeah the cd singles, i remember those. did you tell her that? >> no. i haven't seen her yet. >> jimmy: oh you have to -- yes. she's great. she's here. >> so i stood there, you know, singing in front of the mirror. [ light laughter ] ♪ near far wherever >> jimmy: me too, i did the same thing. [ laughter ] in my bedroom. absolutely. i'm so excited for this, "jason bourne," 'cause we're back. matt damon's back in the franchise. the director, paul -- >> paul greengrass. >> jimmy: paul greengrass, this guy is just a badass man. he doesn't fool around. it's unbelievable action. super fun. you play -- well, you play, like, a cia operative? >> well, she is -- she's kind of a symbol of what has happened in the world since the last jason bourne movie in the sense that she is a cyber technician, a specialist of the
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cia. >> jimmy: cyber technician, yeah. >> yeah. a specialist, a really intelligent and smart agent. >> jimmy: absolutely. perfect. >> and -- >> jimmy: like hacking and all that stuff? >> yeah, she's like a protege hacker who now has made her way up in the cia to a very, quite, high position. >> jimmy: there's an idea in the movie too, that kind is very interesting right now, which is -- >> security. >> jimmy: yeah, and, well, yeah, privacy. yeah. and like, how much you gonna get -- privacy, sure. [ laughter ] [ speaking swedish ] >> come on, now. >> jimmy: what do you mean? i want it -- why? [ speaking swedish ] >> should we do another language? >> jimmy: yeah, why not. you always seem to be something fun. hey, how do i say have a -- have a -- have a really fun weekend, guys. [ speaking swedish ] [ laughter ] >> yeah. that's -- >> jimmy: i just thought i had a -- i just thought i had a stroke right now. >> for the next time i'm back. >> jimmy: that's for next time you're here. yeah. it sounded like you said that in reverse. [ laughter ]
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>> maybe i did. [ speaking swedish ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> that's -- they're always like, when i'm the phone, they're like, is that a real language? >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: and matt damon is back, who is such -- he's just a good dude. >> he's just as sweet. i mean, doesn't he have like, the best reputation? >> jimmy: he really does. >> ever since i came, you know, to america, so i started to do english speaking films, and he's, like, the one that everybody's like, oh, matt damon, he's probably the most nice guy in the industry, and he is. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. and, i mean, like every guy that i meet, just wants to be his best friend. right? >> jimmy: yeah. [ applause ] some other dudes are out in the industry that are nice, as well. maybe. i mean, this -- >> you can be his best friend, too. i can introduce him. >> jimmy: no, i know i can be his best friend. i'm just saying there's other nice people in the industry. >> yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't have to name names. you know. you can just of all know what -- >> no, let me know. you know, i would love to -- [ laughter ] meet them.
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[ foghorn ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: matt damon also won an academy award in his 20s. same as you. did he give you any advice? >> have fun. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he said, if it happens, just remember -- well, i didn't remember anything, so that i forgot to do. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: just enjoy it though. >> but yeah. i did enjoy it. it was, you know, the most surreal and memorable night of my life. >> jimmy: here's alicia vikander and tommy lee jones in the big new movie "jason bourne" in theaters everywhere next friday. check this out. >> alpha team report. >> what's happening, heather? >> alpha team isn't responding. >> bravo? >> doing nothing. >> you lost both teams. get a grip on the operation, heather. that's bourne. >> green light the exit. >> sir, i need more time. >> we have no time. >> are you going to give that order or not? >> sir, please. >> you're too late.
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>> there's no bringing in bourne. he has to be put down, and you obviously cannot do what has to be done. i am taking operational control. past that yellow green light. repeat, yellow green light on bourne. >> copy that. >> jimmy: oh! i mean come on, it's -- [ cheers and applause ] what do you want, it's a big action film. it's a big summer blockbuster film. i'm so happy for you. you know we love you so much. so congrats on everything. >> thanks for having me back, thank you. >> jimmy: there's a game that you told me about that you'd like to show to me tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that you play in pubs. >> yeah, we do -- it's a very -- i was actually on the phone with my sister. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she's like, what are you going to do now? she said, please tell me you're gonna do a drinking game if you're on jimmy fallon. and i said, i'll do pen and bottles. she was like, no. she was really, kind of, this is a big classic. >> jimmy: all right, so here's the bottle. >> so normally you've already -- yeah, we put the sand, we've already had the drink. >> jimmy: okay. you do this inebriated? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. [ light laughter ] >> that's green.
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that's, you know -- >> jimmy: i've already started. >> one for each level. it's gets harder for each bottle. >> jimmy: all right i have it as well. so we can put it right there in front of us there. i think we have two of them marked. okay. so we put the bottle here, right? >> yeah. and then you -- >> jimmy: you take the pen. you have it one, through one loop. >> around the waist. >> jimmy: okay, around the waist. yeah. and then you put it through the other loop? >> no. >> jimmy: and pull through? >> there we go. >> jimmy: okay. >> secure it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: go around the back, of course. [ laughter ] >> i have a very long one, you have a short one. >> jimmy: what's that? >> that's fine. i have a very long one. >> jimmy: it is fine. it does -- it gets the job done. [ laughter ] >> so -- excuse me. i have a skirt, so i'll just do this. >> jimmy: sorry about this. i apologize. so this is -- >> so, first -- [ laughter ] the first to get the pen in the bottle. >> jimmy: get the pen in the bottle, yeah. >> very easy. wins. >> jimmy: okay.
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>> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where's mine? i can't see where mine is. >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: am i -- do i not have one? >> i'll leave you there. >> jimmy: no, there it is. >> no! yes! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: want to try to do it together? >> what do you mean? >> jimmy: well i'll hook into yours. we can do it like this. >> hook yours into mine? >> jimmy: yeah, here. turn your thing around. >> okay. >> jimmy: yeah, and then -- this is a new -- there's a new take on it. so we'll put this guy on here. >> okay. >> jimmy: and we'll use your bottle. >> it's the lucky one. >> jimmy: yeah. all right, ready? [ laughter ] all right. it happens sometimes. [ laughter ] >> should we do -- that maybe. there we go. >> jimmy: okay. here we go. roots. >> okay, this all is happening. >> jimmy: oh, sorry about that. here we go. here we go.
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oh, yeah, thanks. >> maybe we'll just do that. you just need to be cross -- >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> okay. ♪ [ laughter ] wait. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't fall. >> wait, i think -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my god. i think we didn't cut it. go before. we did it in there before i ruined -- >> we did get it in. >> jimmy: alicia vikander, everybody. "jason bourne" is in theaters next friday. celine dion joins us after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ cheers and applause ] ♪ whenoff the wheel to getands out of a tight spot. when you can relax with your foot off the brake and stay put. and when you enjoy 400 horsepower that's both smooth and controlled. that's the more human side of engineering.
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hurry in now to your dealer for limited time offers. lease a lincoln mkx for $349 a month or get 0% apr for 60 months and just announced $1,000 summer invitation bonus. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a five-time grammy award winning artist. who has sold over 250 million albums worldwide! [ cheers and applause ]
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her latest album, "encore un soir," comes out august 26th, and starting in september, you can see her live as she continues her vegas residency at caesars palace. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the one and only celine dion! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. welcome back to the show! [ cheers and applause ] oh, welcome back to the show. you look gorgeous. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's such a pleasure.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, we love you so much. [ cheers and applause ] congrats to the album. comes out august 26th. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you are off to -- going back to vegas? >> yes. i'm going to go back home for a a few shows. i just came back from france to do a little mini tour -- >> jimmy: oh yeah? >> and so i'm coming home to do some shows in montreal and quebec, and then going back home in vegas to perform and continue my performances over there. >> jimmy: what is it like -- >> i've got a french album and preparing an english one as well. [ cheers and applause ] so what i'm trying to say is that you don't have to -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> because when you say "encore un soir" -- >> jimmy: [ imitating french ] [ light laughter ] >> it's beautiful. >> jimmy: thank you. >> it means one more night. [ light laughter ] ♪ one more night one more night i can't wait forever ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this residency in
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vegas, i remember when you started doing this, this is probably around, was it 2 2003 or maybe or something? >> oh, i don't know anymore. i don't know how to count. [ light laughter ] but r.c., my oldest is 15 and a a half, and he was not even two when we moved there. >> jimmy: wow. >> and i was supposed to do like three weeks. two years. then i got there five years. they said to me, before we started, and that's a true story, before the project started, they built that coliseum for our show with the cirque du soleil, celine dion is going to come and sing. and they said, oh, gosh, the "titanic" is going to sink again. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> and then we were, like, oh, the titanic is going to sink again. and then at one point, you have to just not listen to everybody, focus and believe or not in what you're doing, so we all focused and said, we're going to give it a try, and the titanic one thing is that, i'm glad i sang the song. >> jimmy: yeah. >> because i think i said it
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before, but i don't do television so much, so i -- i didn't want to record the song. >> jimmy: you didn't want to do that song? >> no. >> jimmy: "my heart will go on?" >> i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: [ speaking foreign language ] oh, my goodness. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i'm shocked. i can't believe my ears or eyes. >> i'm so happy that my people don't listen to me. [ laughter ] everything i say. i just hit my chest, and i go on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: by the way, did you see ariana grande doing an impression of you when she was on the show? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. >> oh, my gosh. it was like -- [ laughter ] okay. >> jimmy: it was good. ♪ >> come on. >> jimmy: but no -- yeah. ♪ ♪ come on ♪
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>> jimmy: so again, you saw it? >> she's so good. i love her. >> jimmy: yeah, me too. >> she's that tall. >> jimmy: yeah, she's very -- [ laughter ] a little bit tall. ♪ itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout ♪ >> jimmy: no, yeah, yeah, yeah. but i was thinking it would be kind of fun -- [ laughter ] >> what i'm saying? grande. >> jimmy: no, yeah, no, yeah. ariana grande. >> mucho grande. >> jimmy: yeah. she's, like -- [ laughter ] like venti, venti, venti, venti. but i was wondering if you would like to play the "wheel of musical impressions" with me. >> no, because -- [ laughter ] no one can win -- >> jimmy: you have to. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i have a show to do. you have to do this. >> i'm not -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, no, no, no. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: i know. [ laughter ] come on, it'll be fun, it'll be fun. you'll love it. >> i'm not an impersonator. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll play it. stick around, celine dion and i
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are playing "wheel of musical impressions" when we get back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ and these are the lungs. (boy) sorry. (dad) don't worry about it. (vo) at our house, we need things that are built to last. that's why we got a subaru. (avo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. (selena gomez's "kill em with will you play it again? ♪ (announcer vo) no matter how you use your data, verizon's got your back, introducing the new verizon plan. now get 30% more data. no surprise overages. and keep the data you don't use. all on america's best network.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, fantastic. thank you, roots. welcome back, we are here with the one and only celine dion, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] now, celine everybody knows you as a great singer and great performer, but what you may not know is that you're also a a great impressionist as well. >> no, i'm not. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, you are. we're playing the game. >> it's not true. >> jimmy: we're playing the game. >> where did you hear that? >> jimmy: we're playing the game. we're playing the game. [ laughter ] >> you're so funny. >> jimmy: thank you. with that in mind, it's time for a game called "wheel of musical impressions." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: we're going to hit this button here, all right.
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this is bluetooth, it activates the musical impressions generator. it will land on one random singer that one of us can do. and then the name of the song that i think we all know. >> i know your show. i know -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's just that i -- >> jimmy: you'll be perfect. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here we go. why don't you go first? just press the button and you'll see how much fun it is. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] no, you'll love it. you'll be good. [ beeping ] here we go. here we go. artist? cher. you can do cher -- frere jacques. no, it's like -- >> not cher. >> jimmy: no, you -- you must know cher. >> her song? >> jimmy: well it's -- >> and she's my friend. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: she's your friend. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ frere jacques frere jacques dormez-vous dormez-vous ♪ ♪ i don't wanna hear a ding dang dong i don't wanna hear a ding dang dong ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ i don't need you anymore i don't need you anymore oh i don't need you anymore ♪ ♪ do you believe in life after love ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know how i'm going to top any of that. but here we go. [ laughter ] >> your turn. [ beeping ] >> jimmy: cher, michael jackson. doing "one dance." ♪ ♪ yeah yeah no no no no yeah yeah ♪ are you okay ♪ ♪ jimmy are you okay jimmy are you okay are you okay jimmy ♪ ♪ jimmy are you okay are you okay ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i need a one dance i got a hennessy in my hand one more time before i go ♪ ♪ high powers taking a hold on me i need one dance got a hennessy in my hand ♪ ♪ one more time before i go higher power taking ahold of me ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah no no yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ no no
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yeah yeah yeah no no yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: celine, after you. >> i'm scared. >> jimmy: don't be scared. ♪ no no yeah yeah ♪ ♪ press the button it's not my job just press the button press the button ♪ ♪ yeah yeah ♪ >> jimmy: press. [ beeping ] >> press. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: rihanna. rihanna doing "row, row, row your boat." you know "row row, row your boat." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ row row row row row row row your boat gently down the stream stream stream stream stream ♪ ♪ gently down the stream stream stream stream stream ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wait, wait. woah, woah, woah. rihanna, rihanna. kids are watching. this is good. hey, rihanna!
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[ cheers and applause ] children. >> you are telling me to imitate people. >> jimmy: there are children watching, rihanna, please. [ laughter ] my turn. ♪ work work work work work row row ♪ >> when it goes with that. >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] >> your turn. i hope you get a -- hard one. [ beeping ] ♪ yeah yeah >> jimmy: i can do johnny cash. oh, c is for cookie, that's a a good one. [ light laughter ] >> no, c is for celine. >> jimmy: c is for celine, yeah. ♪ >> this is a horse. ♪ c is for cookie that's good enough for me ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ c is for cookie that's good enough for me c is for cookie that's good enough for me ♪ ♪ oh cookie cookie cookie starts with c ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on, one more,
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one more. do one more, please? one more? [ cheers and applause ] >> one, one, one, one more. >> jimmy: ready? all right, let's roll. >> and now you're pressing for me? >> jimmy: yeah. >> thank you. [ beeping ] what? >> jimmy: sia. >> oh, thanks so much. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can do sia. yeah. "hush, little baby." ♪ like i'm going to buy you a a diamond ring. >> okay, i don't know why i need to stand up to sing. >> jimmy: yeah, you can do it. do you want a wig -- we don't have a wig. i wish i had a wig. >> well, do you have -- >> jimmy: i have a stuffed animal. ♪ hush little baby don't say a word mama's going buy you a mocking bird ♪ ♪ and if that mockingbird won't sing i'm going to buy you a diamond ring ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ a diamond ring
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i'm going to buy you everything ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! sia! sia! sia, over here! sia. sia, over here! [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, hi, sorry. >> jimmy: fantastic. >> thank you, thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> jimmy: we're that way. celine dion, everybody! >> thank you. thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for playing "wheel of musical impressions." we'll be right back with a a performance from celine. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ with my moderate to severe ulcerative colitis, the possibility of a flare was almost always on my mind. thinking about what to avoid, where to go... and how to deal with my uc.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, are you guys ready for this? [ cheers and applause ] performing "the show must go on," once again, celine dion! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ empty spaces what are we living for abandoned places i guess we know the score ♪ ♪ on and on does anybody know what we are looking for another hero ♪ ♪ another mindless crime behind the curtain in the pantomime hold the line ♪ ♪ does anybody want to take it anymore the show must go on ♪ ♪ ♪ the show must go on yeah ♪ ♪ ooh inside my heart is breaking my makeup may be flaking but
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my smile still stays on ♪ ♪ whatever happens i'll leave it all to chance another heartache another failed romance ♪ ♪ on and on does anybody know what we are living for ♪ ♪ i guess i'm learning i must be warmer now i'll soon be turning round the corner now ♪ ♪ outside the dawn is breaking but inside in the dark i'm aching to be free ♪ ♪ the show must go on yeah the show must go on yeah ♪
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♪ ooh inside my heart is breaking my makeup may be flaking but my smile still stays on ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ my soul is painted like the wings of butterflies ♪ ♪ fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die i can fly my friends ♪ ♪ the show must go on yeah the show must go on yeah ♪ ♪ i'll face it with a grin i'm never giving in on with the show ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ooh i'll top the bill i'll earn the kill i have to find the will to carry on ♪ ♪ the show must go on yeah ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: celine dion! that's what i'm talking about. catch her live in las vegas starting in september. we'll be right back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ]
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the latest innovation from the maker of frontline plus. for persistent protection you can trust... good boy! go for the gold. new frontline gold. available at your vet. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to alicia vikander, celine dion! [ cheers and applause ]
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and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey, gang.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> live from 30 rockefeller
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plaza, it's late night with seth meyers. tonight, carlo, featuring 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'mset meyers, this is late night, and we are live at 1:23 a.m. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. how's everybody doing this morning? [ cheers and applause ] all right. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump gave a 76-minute speech tonight, and there was definitely a scene. >> law and order -- law and order, law and order. [ laughter ] >> hey, if you're going to give a 76-minute speech that late at night, maybe don't mention other
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things people could be watching. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] trump said law and order tonight more times than an actor's biography section of a broadway playbill. [ laughter ] sorry. that was the most new york joke. ivanka trump introduced her father tonight says he is color blind and gender neutral, which that means that trump cannot use the bathroom anywhere. [ laughter ] i have to go in my pants? no, no. today was the last day of the republican convention with the theme, make american one again, and after listening to trump's plan for the country, i nearly oned in my pants. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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the republican convention had a theme each day, and today's was make america one again. let's be honest, that was not the first draft. [ applause ] on the first night of the republican national convention, donald trump was taken to task by the band queen after walking on stage to their song "we are the champions," donald, are you really surprised the band didn't want to be associated with you? [ laughter ] we got to thinking, actually, everyone who spoke over the past four days came out to the wrong music, so we here at "late night" are rectifying that now with our rnc music that should have been used. take a look. [ applause ] ♪ ♪ mr. sandman
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♪ i want candy [ laughter ] ♪ i'm a creep ♪ we are mutant ninja turtles ♪ who who who who ♪ it's the ends of the world as we know it ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that was rnc walk-on music that should have been used. ted cruz spoke in the convention last night and was loudly booed because he refused to support donald trump for president, and i'm surprised to learn that ted cruz has a backbone considering that he has no face bones. [ laughter [ laughter ] following outrage her husband did not endorse trump last
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night, she was escorted from the convention by security as people yelled "goldman sachs," careful, republicans, if you say it three times, hillary will appear. [ laughter ] donald trump today said that as president, he would consider breaking nato agreements by not immediately offering aid to other member countries. personally, i have the only nato i only thought i would hear associated with a president, donald trump, would be a sharknado. [ laughter ] following mike pence's speech last night, donald trump joined his running mate on stage and appeared to make an air kiss gesture to him, and pence tried to send trump to a gay reeducation camp. [ laughter ] former trump adviser, roger stone, spoke out against excampaign manager critical remarks about trump calling him a pimple on history, and this,
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of course, would be the ass of history. [ cheers and applause ] and, timely, women's rights group speak out against the republican party saying trump and pence are a dangerous ticket for reproductive rights, but not only that, they are leading cause of vaginal dryness. ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight! [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause ] and what can i say, it's going to be a fun night, and we're live. we're live. [ cheers and applause ] watch this. that just happened. [ laughter ] donald trump officially accepted the republican nomination for president tonight in an hour-plus long speech to cast a dark view of america based on fear and misinformation. for more on this, it's time for
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a closer look live. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to the events of tonight, a quick recap of yesterday, because let's be honest, we're still putting tonight's jokes on cue cards. [ laughter ] now, one of the goals of the convention was party unity, and last night, many vanquished foes were on stage to let bygones be bygones and scott walker tried to get the crowd to chant, america deserves better. >> we believe in an america where everyone gets education and training they need to succeed in college, in career, and in life. why? because america deserves better. why? because america deserves better. why? because america deserves better. >> i don't know. after a week of people screaming guilty and lock her up, america sounds better sounds tame, like
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something a divorcee's best friend says after three rosees. karen deserves better, kevin. [ laughter ] a video message, projected on a giant screen, trump would maybe stop calling him little marco. did you see me, donald? i was 50 feet tall! [ laughter ] time for ted cruz, many wondered how cruz would endorse trump after the bitter campaign, and the answer was, he just wouldn't, throwing the hall in chaos and enlisted a hearty rounds of boos. >> stand and speak and vote your conscious, vote for candidate as up and down the ticket who you trust to defend our freedom and to be faithful to the constitution. to fight for freedom to protect our god-given rights even of
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those with whom we don't agree. >> seth: is there anyone more comfortable being hated more than ted cruz? this morning, cruz was confronted by an angry delegate to demand why he didn't endorse trump after making a pledge to support the nominee. >> i'll just give you this response. i'm not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father. and that pledge was not a blanket commitment that if you go and slander and attack heidi that i'm going to nonetheless come like a puppy dog and say thank you very much. >> seth: when chris christie heard this, he said, bark, bark, bark, down, chris, it's okay. [ laughter ]
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after the speech, seems though trump was rattled taking the stage to greet pence and awkwardly moved into the kiss before bailing. [ laughter ] what? what was trump's thought process there? i'm going to kill ted cruz, i'm going to kiss this lady, wait, that's a dude! [ laughter ] it's an air kiss, donald, america deserves better. [ cheers and applause ] now, one of tonight's main speakers gave an impressive speech about donald trump, the man, the thought to humanize him, and then introduced her father, and the question tonight was how would trump top the monday entrance when he entered like e.t. returning to earth? [ laughter ] would he arrive delivered by drone, or would he arrive wearing ted cruz's pelt? [ laughter ] instead, he decide d with
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inappropriate father-daughter touching. >> the rock star one we saw earlier, greeting his daughter. >> seth: mike pence must have seen that and thought, where was my hip tap? as for the substance of the speech, he made one thing totally clear, we are currently living in a distoepian nightmare. >> or convention occurs in a moment of crisis for our nation, images of violence in our streets, and the chaos in our communities. our roads and bridges are falling apart. our airports are third world condition. violence spilling across our borders. death, destruction, terrorism, and weakness. >> seth: trump talked about america like he was pitching a post apocalypse show to the syfy network.
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there's a fear in an office building, lizard people living in burned out shopping malls. [ laughter ] most made an effort to reach out to latinos, african-americans, and the lgbt community, but it seemed it was the first time he said lgbtq. >> lgbtq -- [ laughter ] >> seth: he said that like he was giving pat sajak letters for the final round. l, b, pat. he also tried to demonstrate why he has the humility to set us back on the right course. >> nobody knows the system better than me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] which is why i, alone, can fix
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it. [ laughter ] >> seth: i love when trump makes the gesture of a man who also can't believe this is happening. [ laughter ] as usual, trump was not big on details, but laid out his plan. >> we will repeal and replace disastrous obamacare. you will be able to choose your own doctor again, and we will fix tsa at the airports, which is a total disaster. >> seth: i don't know about that last one. [ laughter ] if trump gets elected, the airports are going to be pretty crowded. [ laughter ] a one-way ticket to anywhere, please. anywhere. [ applause ] in the end, despite the questionable business practices, trump tried to cast himself as a hero of the working class. >> people, who work hard, but no longer have a voice, i am your
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voice! >> seth: i can say you're definitely my voice. i watched you so much the last year, i think in your voice. [ laughter ] the day my son was born, i remember thinking, this is the best baby, i'm going to love it. i'm going to love this baby. so that was the gist of trump, but the far more revealing trump comment today came not in his speech, but in a "new york times" interview in which trump was asked about a series of urgent policy issues and responded with answers that were literally incomprehensible. for instance, what kind of change could you make in terms of nafta without withdrawing from it? how could you? trump responded with this, his full response, you have to be fair to the country. everyone is leaving. carrier announced they're leaving. ford a building a massive plant, so i have a friend who bimds plants and then i have to go. i have a friend who builds plants. that's what he does. he's the biggest in the world. he builds plants, automobile plants, computer plants, that's all he does.
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he doesn't build apartments. he doesn't build office space. he builds plants. i said to him the other day, he goes, unbelievable, oh, that's great, thinking about the united states, right, because he's based in the united states, so i said, good, so the country is doing well. he said, no, no, not our country, you have to see what i'm doing in mexico. he said, business there is unbelievable. the plants we're building, people moving from the united states. that's what e he does, one-story plants, you understand? [ laughter ] well, i think i understand, but there's something i'm unclear on. what's your friend do? is it plants? [ laughter ] trump was asked if he would support the development of cyber weapons, and this was his response, quote, yes, i'm a fan of the future, and cyber is the future. that's right, he's a fans of the future, which is surprising to hear because if he gets elected, there might not be one. the most dangerous thing trump said today, one of the most dangerous things said ever, he would not


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