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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  July 3, 2009 12:17am-1:05am EDT

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i'm ready for you. >> "hung". >> get it? [ laughter ] because my name is hun it's a joke. >> coming to hbo. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's talent. all right. one more thing, time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. this is this week in unnecessary censorship. [ cheers and applause ] >> you absolutely want resolution. and so i spent the last five days [ bleep ] in argentina. i remember touching his [ bleep ] and feeling only bulge. i mean, it was eerie. >> the rest of the twitter posting his message, i was [ bleep ] by of the black eyed peas and his security guard, i'm bleeding. >> if united nations to [ bleep ] -- >> you go to buckley. >> i think there's a lot of
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skepticism that there's a lot of demand for small [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ] at this girl. >> right. >> hello, little doggie, are you lost? are you lost? because i'm your cute, furry pal grove. i n [ bleep ] you. >> i'm okay. thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> on the show tonight, david cross is here. we have music tonight from phoenix. and l we'l rbehtacig bk th b megan fox, so stick around. this is the new iphone. if you wanna tell it who to call, just say, "call dave taylor." calling dave taylor bile. and if you wanna tell it what to play, just say, "play songs by jack johnson." playing songs by jack johnson.
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and if you are taking low-dose aspirin for your heart and need an nsaid ain reliever, celebrex can be used because it doesn't interfere with the e etsts of .low-dose aspirin., but when it comes to relieving your arthritis pain, you and your doctor ned to balance, the benefits with the risks. the fda requires all escription nsaids, including celebrex, ibuprofen, naproxen and meloxicam, to have e e same cardiovascular warning. they all may increase the chance of heart attack or stroke, which can lead to death. this chance increases if you have heart disease or risisfactors for it such ashigh blood pressure or when nsaids are taken for longngeriods. all prescription nsaids, including celebrex, also increase the chane of serious skin reactions or stomach nd intestine problems,, such as bleeding and ulcers, which can occur without " warning d may cause death.h. patients also taking aspirin and the elderly are at increased risk for stomach bleeding and ulcers. do not take celebrex if you're allergic to aspirin or sulfonamides.
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ask your doctor if you could benefit from celebrex. understand the risksks eel the benefits.
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♪ you've come to the right place. with us tonight, a man whom many people call funny, and in this case, they're right. you can see him now in the movie "year one", david cross is here.
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also tonight, alternative rock music from france. that is their fourth record, wolfgang amadeus phoenix, phoenix is here. and i want to mention that our announcer dicky barrett and his band the mighty mighty bosstones have some tour dates this summer. july 9 at the house of blues in anaheim. july 10 at the filmore in san francisco. there they are. look at them. they still think the plaid looks good. july 11 inictoria. b.c. at ska fest, and july 12 in at the show box in seattle. i will not be performing with them on my bass clarinet because i was not invited. so, but enjoy anyway. have fun. guillermo, are you excited? >> very excited. >> do you love megan fox? >> very much. >> very much, very good. all right. our first guest is maybe the most appropriately named human on the planet. you can see her now fighting robots from outer space in the number one movie in the galaxy, "transformers, revenge of the fallen", in theaters now. please say hello to megan fox.
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[ cheers and applause ] great to see you. how's everything? >> well, very -- yeah! whoo! >> don't get them excited. they're at dangerous level already. >> where is guillermo? >> he's right over there. >> you better come here for some snuggle time. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. >> how are you? you're my favorite. >> oh, my goodness, guillermo. oh, my god. wow. >> wow. >> look at you. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> i think i saw his chalupa there, guillermo.
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wow. how are you feeling right now? >> great. >> you look like a tomato with a mustache. >> it's hot in here. >> well, that's very nice of you. and it's nice of you to do that for people to spread your love around to our security -- do you that to other security guards or just guillermo? >> just guillermo. >> just guillermo in particular. it's been a long time since you were here. 740 days, to be exact. guillermo has asked each of the 747 days when you were coming back and tonight it all happened and it's magical. >> a sweet cherub of a man. >> i'm glad to see you growing out of your awkward phase. >> i know, it's -- it was tough. >> you were gangly here the last time. how's your career? it's become very. >> it's going. >> everything is taking off for you. >> sure, kind of. >> kind of? >> well, yeah. >> i think so. you're on the cover of every
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magazine. >> sometimes, yeah. >> sometimes you're on the inside pages of the magazine too. >> yes. >> you're in this "transformers" movie. >> i'm in the "transformers" movie. [ cheers and applause ] >> and yet, you are -- you're not the typical beautiful actress who's -- >> why is that? >> because i think you're a little more -- well, a little more down to earth maybe. maybe a little less guarded than other people. >> maybe. >> that perhaps come across the couch and t there and lie. [ laughter ] you -- we're talking about the childhood the last time you were here and growing up in tennessee and florida. >> florida, yeah. >> like what did you do when you were a kid in the summertime? >> well, i did two things. i had a summer job once, like my first job ever. i worked at this place called tropical smoothie. it was fine, except for every
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four days of work one of us had to dress up as a fruit of your choice and go out on to the street and promote -- hold the sign and promote tropical smoothie. the choices were apple or banana and apple is a good one, because you were completely concealed, no one knew it was you, it's just your legs sticking out. but banana was more aerodynamic and i chose that because you could dance more freely in that, but it had a cutout for your face. all my friends would drive by on the highway and throw things at me while i was dancing. >> you acted as a banana on the street? >> yeah, i was banana dancer. >> that is unbelievable. >> i did it. >> seems like a real waste of your talents, you know? and then you went to bible camp, i understand. >> i did. >> which i was forced to go to bible camp also. >> really? >> it was called vacation bible school and it was more of a vacation for the parents who dropped us off of there. >> it marked the beginning of my down ward spiral of my life.
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did it to you? >> no, i was well on my way. >> like until that point, i was making decent grades and i had a loud mouth and been really obnoxious. they spent me to bible camp and you do arts and class and you have scripture reading class and then meet in the auditorium. and sing songs. did you ever sing the pharaoh song. ♪ pharaoh, let my people go >> no. no. wow. >> and it traumatizes children to do this. >> they think that's hip to put it to a song, from the '60's. >> right. and then that's where i felt i had my first crush in bible camp. his name was clint and his arts and craft, he made a name friendship bracelet and he got to design it himself and it had his name on it and a nike swoosh, because he
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was into nike and he was athletic. he was older, i was 10 and he was 15 and we made a pact to sneak out because we had to sleep with camp counselors -- >> what? >> i mean, sleep -- they were in the -- they were in the area. [ laughter ] >> what religion is this? because i'm due for a conversion any time. >> they slept in the cabin with us. and so i -- i was bold enough to do it. i waited for them to fall asleep and i snuck out and met him at the lake where it would be really romantic and have my first kiss. he bailed on me and clint is a pussy, apparently. [ laughter ] >> so clint didn't show up? is that what happened? >> clint didn't show up. that was that. >> oh, pr baby. but that is a big age difference though in fairness to clint. >> 10 and 15. >> that's a big one at that age, you know? it really is. i don't understand it.
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but this is a fascinating thing. as a kid, you wanted to be a comic book artist. >> i did. >> for real? >> for real, yeah. >> what's your favorite comic book? >> witch blade, fathom. i'm a big fan of jay scott campbell. i think he's a good artist. he does gem 13. >> for me it was spiderman and batman and that sort of thing. i can't imagine you hunched over a desk drawing cartoons all the time like i did. >> i do it on my mac, i have a program. i drew something for you. i want to preface it by saying i had limited time and i only had access to a limited number 2 pencil, so it's not completely accurate. >> the old fashioned way. i'm excited by this. >> i think it's okay though. >> that's very good. [ cheers and applaus] wow. have you been spying in my bathroom? >> yeah.
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>> how did you know my nipple was down there? >> i also knew it was tiny like that. >> that's very good. i mean, it's not what my body looks like at all, but it's very well done. i like that i'm muscular, but still, double chinned. [ laughter ] well, that's very good. i drew one of you, too. i really drew this and i took it seriously. i thought it would be fun to draw the two of us together. >> am i touchi your penis? [ laughter ] >> you are now. no, here's my picture of us together. >> wow. >> i think -- [ cheers and applause ] >> you've got your tongue out and i've got my tongue out there. you can see my body hair is at
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full attention. [ laughter ] what do you think of that? >> you did it with inks an everything. i'm impressed. >> yeah, i did it with a pen. >> you did it for real. >> you know that's how we did it in my day. we didn't have computer and stuff. all we had were ourselves and the mirror. [ laughter ] well, that's very -- that's very well done. thank you. that's for you. and you can throw that out if you want. >> no. i'm going to keep it. >> believe me, i'm going to keep this, and aspire to it. megan fox is here. we'll come back and show a clip from "transformers". be back with more from megan fox. so a guy calls us and he starts asking me all these questions about televisions. the difrences between lcds and plasmas. 10,000 versus a 15,000 contrast ratio. hmm, those are very specific questions. so i asked him, "where are you calling from?" and he's like, "ah, i'm at walmart." and i'm like, "ok, you're obviously calling us
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because we're knowledgeable and then we've got the price match guarantee. so why don't you come on in and we'll get you set up with exactly what you need." he was really happy and excited by the time he left the store. i think he's a best buyer for life. what if we could put an end... to that pricklkly feelingb? ♪ n dove visiblysmooth anti-i-perspirant. mas hair look and feel less noticeable over time... so you feelstubble-f.
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♪ hi, there, we're back with megan fox. david cross and phoenix still to come. megan what it is like working with the director michael bay who appears to be insane? >> yes. he's sort of infamous for being of a sort of tyrant on set, but the first time i ever worked with him, actually, i had just turned 15. and i was an extra in "bad boys 2". >> really?
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>> yeah, they were shooting a club scene an they -- and they brought me in and i was wearing a stars and stripes bikini and a cowboy hat and wearing six-inch heel. they took me to mike and mike approved it and they said, michael, she's 15 so you can't sit her at the bar and can't have a drink in her hand. so the solution to that problem was to then have me dancing underneath the water fall and getting wet that's a microcosm of how his mind works. >> that's a microcosm of how all our minds work, but some of us have the decency to repress those thoughts and pretend they don't exist. was your life ever in danger making the movie? >> sure. yeah. they make me say no for insurance purposes so i'm not allowed to tell you the truth, but theris an instance where there's a part in the movie
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where we ran through a 1,000 gallon gas bomb that was rigged to detonate with dynamite. there's no way to actually insure that's safe with the actors so we got a 30-second briefing and they said, don't fall. and just try to get to point b, and that's all we can say to you. so we ran. and it exploded. and they said they could feel the explosion from base camp, actually. it was so intense. >> how far away was it? >> it was far. it was football fields away. and michael holds two world records, one for the largest explosion in film and two, the largest explosion with actors present. >> what wonderful records to hold. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> also for poisoning everyone with the services table. yes. most actors poisoned. he doesn't care do you think or he just -- >> i'm not sure.
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i mean, shia almost lost an eyeball making this movie. >> yeah, but you have two. i mean -- >> right. yeah. i guess that's how michael thinks. you lose a leg, they can cgi it on. >> everything will be fine. they just transform it right on. we have a clip from the movie. this woman risked her life to bring you the following clip from "transformers, revenge of the fallen" in theaters now.
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>> well, that's ridiculous. there you go. megan fox. "transformers, revenge of the fallen" in theaters now. thank you for being here, megan. thank you for my drawing. we'll be right back with david cross. the great american holiday is here. and here's something to celebrate - the pontiac 72-hour sale. you only have 72 hours to .d.declare your independence from interest payments fo6 6 full years, with 0% apr financing for 72 months on all 2009 pontiac models... 72-hour sale. durc visit pontiacdealer.r.m! would you hang out with your mother in law? what would you do .now that is has...
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what do you do? >> what does it look like? we're farmers. >> we're farmers. >> he's a farmer, i'm a herdsman. yes >> you have to be so superior to everyone else. >> superiorer than you. >> you know what i meant! >> yeah, right. >> oh, yeah, right! >> oh! >> just let him settle here. >> oh! >> i guess that settles it. >> what are they doing? [ laughter ] >> what have i done again? welcome back. still to come, phoenix. you know our next guest from "mr. show", "arrested
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development" and other good things. you can see him now in the role of a lifetime, cain in the movie "year one". please say hello to david cross. [ cheers and applause ] >> sorry about that. i didn't realize megan fox had left the building. >> yeah, yeah. >> wow, that was some -- that was quite an interview. >> thank you. thank u. >> that was exciting, wasn't it? [ cheers and applause ] i mean, i mean -- >> david, you're sitting on your imaginary friend. >> listen, i think it's amazing in this day and age you can be in london one minute, and then be on the show literally a minute later and be back in london. >> isn't that crazy? >> unbelievable. >> well, she's not -- she's not your typical human being. >> no.
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she's very sensual. >> you look wonderful, by the way. is that a new tattoo or have you always had? >> i had it for a while. i got it after "arrested development" ended. >> rarely do i get to inspect your body. i saw you in -- >> yeah, we were doing the shows. and one clap. we were doing shows. [ cheers and applause ] there you go. the man deserves at least that much. >> we don't want you to get a head. people go crazy when we mention your name. >> that's understandable. it was a just for laughs -- we had been in montreal for 30 years and their first foray into american -- >> america. >> american america. >> right. and these festivals try so hard. when you do these things you always get a nice gift basket,
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whicis, you know, mostly the sponsors for the festival. and most of the time 80% of the stuff is just useless. a lot is just nail cream for women. >> right. >> and stuff like that. >> picture frames, that sort o thing. >> that was one of them, yeah. >> was it really? >> yeah. but the bar has been raised and i brought it. i got -- this is -- this is in there, in the basket. you can see it's official. >> uh-huh. >> i don't know what kind of economic strata they think that comedians are in. i won't mention the name, but it's a gift certificate/coupon here. $1,000 off of a private jet. [ laughter ] $1,000 off a private jet. come on. that's what's been holding me back from getting a private jet. i don't want to spend that last $1,000. i think that's a bit too much.
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>> people are using private jets are now using coupons as well, the economy is really a mess. wow. >> sometimes i'm a little embarrassed to pull out my pen punch thing at the coffee place, but how -- like, yes, i'd like -- i'd like a silver eagle fox to -- i want it loaded. you know, i want walnut grain and the whole works and oh, hang on, i have this coupon for $1,000 off. [ laughter ] $1,000 off. for a jet. >> and you're going to get taxed on that too. you have to pay the government for that. >> it's crazy. >> i didn't know you were a big baseball fan until i heard that you were at the cubs game. in chicago. >> yeah, i'm a huge, huge baseball fan from going way back. and i had lived in chicago briefly and would go to wrigley field which is one of the best parks in the country.
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[ cheers and applause ] and it was really exciting. it was thrilling. i got to meet rich hardin and randy wells and who subsequently after meeting me has now won two games in a row. whatever. i'm just saying. i'm just saying. i was going to meet ryan dempster but he couldn't make it. i mean -- >> he didn't make it to the game? >> he was high. >> oh, okay. >> no, no, no. he thought he was a fan of mine and then i think he googled me really quick back in the clubhouse and then he was like, oh, i don't -- no. no thank you. it was awesome. i went out on the field, i went in the play-by-play booth, the announcer booth. really exciting. >> did you sing the harry caray take me out to the ball game song? >> you know, they opted to go
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with george lopez. whatever. it's a different demographic. that's fine. you have to sell hot dogs, go ahead, do what you have to do. no. but i sang it silently to myself. >> that's good. >> while in the shower while i cried. >> that's nice. you were in -- you were just in london also shooting something there. with spike jones. the great director spike jones. what were you shooting? >> i did a pilot for channel 4 in the u.k. called the increasingly poor decisions of todd margaret which had spike's in it, will arnett is in it. dream team cast, amazing. some names might not be familiar to you yet. but they will be. sharon horngan, russell toesy, matt king -- >> this is for there or is it going to be on in the united states? >> no, it's for the u.k. and then theope is it is successful there and then gets sold to the states as well. >> gotcha. >> it was awesome. amber tamblyn is in it. i like the culture there a lot. when i was doing stand-up -- i'm
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successal over there, did a month at the soho theater and it sold out. >> a month? i'm surprised ryan dempster didn't know who you were. >> my month at the soho theater? comedy in london, that's for [ bleep ]. all right. [ laughter ] but that was the first and last time that i ever tried crack. [ laughter ] >> oh, congratulations. >> i used to have a myspace thing and i put a picture of myself there. i get it. i got it immediately. i get why this is so popular and -- because it's simultaneously awesome and the worst thing in the world. i mean, i've done every kind of drug imaginable and i -- and this one was like -- i was sitting in this weird -- and people there know me -- i used
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to sing at the fish and chips place back in camden and he's got this like filthy, ratty studio apartment where literally dishes are in the -- he has like a fish tank and there's dishes and like a sweater and stuff and this nasty thing -- with the most -- if you saw these people on the street, you would cross the street to avoid them. but i'm hanging out with then and talking about the third grade teacher an whatever. strangers. and literally going, oh, this is eat. this is great. and then -- and then like as the drug wears off, like, no this isn't. this is the opposite of great. and -- >> you actually went and did crack? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] no, but here's the thing. here's the lesson to be learned. >> okay. i'm looking forward to it. >> you know, i'm fine. i did it once and i know never to do it again. you end up in a strange man's
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studio in camden at 6:00 in the morning. do you know anybody else you can call? you know? [ laughter ] you don't want to do that. i reized if i didn't out of there, we were talking about getting another batch. if i don't leave now my life would be completely altered, different. i won't make my show, it will be ruined. and i was smart enough to get out of there and just go, i have got to go. and so my lesson -- which camera? my lesson to -- my lesson to america is this. you know what? i'll throw canada in there, too. let's throw canada in there too. never -- listen to me. kids, don't ever do crack more than once. [ laughter ] it's true. >> david cross, everybody. beautifully said. "year one" in theaters now. we'll be right back with phoenix.
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do you want to go to my apartment? what?! what... need a moment? i thought ou were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over with twix
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ah, just installed fios in the whole building. now everyone has the fastest upload speeds. and we're giving them a mini netbook. well, i'm sticking with cable. so's ted. (voice) no i'm not! he's just goofing. (voice) no i'm not! (sighing) ted has betrayed me. (announcer) switch to verizon fios tv, phone and internet today
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and get an ultra-sleek compaq mini netbook. call the verizon center for customers with disabilities at 800.974.6006 tty/v ♪ well, this is their new cd. this is an enormous cd. it's called "wolfgang amadeus phoenix". here with the song lisztomania, phoenix. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ so sentimental not sentimental, no ♪ ♪ romantic, not discussing it darling i'm ♪ ♪ down and lonely when were the fortunate only ♪ ♪ i've been looking for something else, too late, too late ♪
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♪ too late, she'll be late, too late, too late ♪ ♪ so go slowly discourage distant from other interests ♪ ♪ on your favorite weekend ending this love for ♪ ♪ a lisztomania think less but see it grow ♪ ♪ a lisztomania think less but see it grow ♪ ♪ ♪ come on and let it go don't mess with the best ♪ ♪ when it's all over we can barely discuss for one minute only ♪ ♪ ♪ not where the fortunate only but i better be something else ♪ ♪ these days it comes, it comes it comes, it comes, it comes and goes ♪ ♪
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♪ a lisztomania think less but see it grow ♪ ♪ like a riot, like a riot, oh ♪ not easily offended know how to let it go ♪ ♪ from the mess to the maes a lisztomania ♪ ♪ think less but see it grow like a riot, like a riot, oh ♪ ♪ not easily offended know how to let it go ♪ from the mess to the masses ♪ ♪ oh, this is show time, this is show time, this is show time ♪ ♪ oh, this is show time, this is show time, this is show time ♪ ♪ time, time is your love, time
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is your love, yes, time is your ♪ ♪ time, time is your love, time is your love, yes, time is your ♪ ♪ ♪ a lisztomania ♪ a lisztomania think less but see it grow ♪ ♪ like a riot, like a riot, oh ♪ discuss, discuss discuss, discuss, discuss, discourage ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ it's a new day i want to thank megan fox, i want to thank david cross. our apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "wolfgang amadeus phoenix" is their latest album. playing us off t air with "1901" once again, phoen


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