tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC September 15, 2009 12:35am-1:35am EDT
-- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. welcome to the show, everybody. thank you. good evenin good evening, everyone. welcome to the fourth hour of "the tonight show." you hear about this? osama bin laden released a new 11-minute audio tape where he calls president obama "powerless" in the war against afghanistan. well, that was the first six minutes. he gave taylor swift the last five to finish her acceptance speech. [ laughter ] [ plause ] that was nice of him. wow, the mtv -- the vmas were crazy, huh? kanye west hijacked taylor swift's acceptance speech. it was really, really tense. and then -- then he showed a trailer for his new movie, "i can do stupid all by myself." [ laughter ] [ applause ] it was exclusive. exclusive.
during the show, the stars of "twilight" were there. robert pattinson, kristen stewart and taylor lautner. they showed up in person. i was there, it was nuts. people were screaming, crying, panties were being thrown. [ laughter ] then my wife was like, "jimmy, calm down." and i was like -- [ laughter ] they're my panties. i'm going to do what i want to do with them. [ laughter ] big congratulations to lady gaga, who won the video music award last night for "best new artist" -- in the "male or female" category. [ laughter ] [ applause ] good for her. yeah, congratulations to her. [ cheers and applause ] that was a crazy weekend. you see the u.s. open? you see serena williams? [ scattered applause ] she yelled at a line judge, "if i could, i would take this "f"-g ball and shove it down your "f"-ing throat." [ laughter ] on the bright side, at least she won't lose her sponsor, dunlop "f"-ing tennis balls. [ laughter ] they're the "f"-iest. [ laughter ]
here's some political news. this saturday in washington, over 70,000 people protested because they think president obama is trying to shove government health care down their throats. also known as the "serena williams option." [ laughter ] but sunday was a great day in new york for sports. the giants beat the redskins. the jets beat the texans. [ cheers ] the yankees beat the orioles. [ cheers and applause ] and the mets only lost twice. [ laughter ] don't -- "don't make fun of the mets. don't make fun of the mets." brett favre and the minnesota vikings won their first game of the season over the cleveland browns. favre threw for one touchdown. he would have had more, but he retired three times during the game. it was very -- [ laughter ] you're on the edge of your seat. this is interesting. according to a survey of all the social networking sites, twitter has the highest percentage of older users. though in fairness, most of them just keep creating new accounts because they can't remember their password.
[ laughter ] they're like, "was it your birthday? or was it --" in addition to having the highest percentage of oldest users, twitter also has the highest percentage of users who call their kids and say, "okay, i've signed up, now what do i do?" [ laughter ] i love the older twitter users. their updates go something like this -- "walking to the bathroom." "still walking to the bathroom." [ laughter ] "guess where i am now? the bathroom." "leaving the bathroom." "wait, no -- walking back to the bathroom." [ laughter ] the season finale of hbo's "true blood" aired last night. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. don't tell me. i tivo'd it. but if i watch it during the day, my tv will die. [ laughter ] happy birthday to amy winehouse today, by the way, turned 26. her liver turned 90. [ laughter ] very happy for her. congratulations to our "late night" website. we won an emmy this weekend, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] for creative achievement in interactive media.
very good. i actually -- i actually thought beyonce deserved it, but what was i gonna do, interrupt the whole ceremony to tell people? [ laughter ] in south carolina, an 18-year-old ordered food from a mcdonald's drive-thru and was given a bag of marijuana at the window. [ laughter ] mcdonald's is calling it "a very happy meal." that's the name of it. [ laughter ] and finally, in his effort to reform the nation's health care system, esident obama said to both democrats and republicans that the time for bickering is over and now is the time for action. you know, i was gonna make a joke about the delicate process of achieving bi-partisa compromise on a piece of national legislation, but i don't think it needs a joke. you know what i mean, tariq? >> tariq: jimmy, are you saying you want to "slow jam" ts news? >> jimmy: yeah, i want to "slow jam" the news. let's get into it! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hi, there.
how you doing? my name is jimmy. i like long walks on the beach, holding hands and weighing in on the president's options for achieving a health care bill with bi-cameral support. >> tariq: bi-partisanship means -- bi-partisanship means everyone can par-tay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you see, the republican plan only has eyes for tort reform. >> tariq: they have a slim lil' bill with hundreds of motions and positions. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but the democrats want us to go public with this health care relationship.
>> tariq: nothing is sexier than a woman with coverage under my covers. [ laughter ] it's all right. >> jimmy: it's all right. >> tariq: it's all right. >> jimmy: all right. >> tariq: it's all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: as both the senate and the house bill just make their way down to the floor, which bill are they going to slap their seal of approval on? >> tariq: house resolution 3-2-0-0. $900 billion is mucho dinero. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sure, barack can just ram it on through the congress. why not get a bill we can all live with, settle down with, raise some little amendments with? >> tariq: don't settle for some old slfly by night legislation that's gonna leave you in a compromised position.
>> jimmy: most of all -- it's all right. >> tariq: it's all right. >> jimmy: all right. >> tariq: it's all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: make sure the process is there for all of us to see. we're all curious what happens in congress' chambers. >> tariq: come out of the closet. come out of the dark. let's do it with the lights on. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's so good. >> jimmy: you know we all like to watch -- [ laughter ] we all like to watch when the two sides come together in mutual co-op-ulation. [ laughter ] >> tariq: we want the process to be transparent, translucent, clear, sheer, gossamer, not
opaque, diaphanous! i don't mean to be too pedantic. [ laughter ] my fault. >> jimmy: wow. ♪ >> jimmy: it ain't no fun, if the homies don't have none. health care that is. >> tariq: the movement is so right. so, don't let it pass. barack ain't the first to tackle health care, but he will be the last. the last! the last! >> jimmy: won't be the last! >> tariq: the last! >> jimmy: and that is how we "slow jam the news," everybody. ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the roots. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with an episode of the "real housewives of late night." come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (german folk music plays)
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it's a free country. knock yourself out. announcer: introducing the revolutionary any mobile, anytime. now on the sprint network you're free to call 250 million mobile phones nationwide without worrying about the meter running. only from sprint. the now network. deaf, hard of hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good. welcome back, everybody. thanks for watching our show. thank you for watching. we're kicking this week off right tonight. 2008 presidential candidate and senator of arizona john mccain is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ]
also, a lovely young actress and star of nickelodeon's hit show "icarly," miranda cosgrove is here. [ cheers and applause ] and we got a performance from one of the greatest voices -- he's a great musician. rufus wainwright is here. [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be great. he's got a new record. it's called "milwaukee at last!!!" it's going to be a great show. as all of you know, i'm a huge fan of reality tv. i watch it all of the time. i'm really into "the real housewives" series on bravo. [ cheers ] yeah, i love it. they started with "the re housewives of orange county," then they did "new york," then "atlanta," then "new jersey." and we got a special treat for you here tonight at "late night" because we actually got the next installment to show you right here on the show tonight. let's take a look. get ready for the "real housewives of 'late night.'" ♪ >> i'm the queen of "late night," and this is my case. [ laughter ] >> i got a personality as big as my booty. [ laughter ]
>> well, i think that all of these women are just going to burn in hell. >> i am about to show these ladies who the boss is. [ laughter ] ugh! [ laughter ] ♪ >> let's see what's going on here. hello. my name is denise. and my husband, mr. jimmy fallon, is the show of his own late night television program. you're under arrest! put your paws in the air! put your paws in the air! my husband can't be everywhere at once, so it's up to me to run things around the office. that's good. keep going down. at the "late night" office, i'm basically treated like royalty. and then move this over here. very good. >> so, good. we got one joke. >> jimmy: look who it is. it's denise. everyone, make way for the duckling. here comes royalty. >> you want people to laugh? what is this?
a eulogy? >> with power comes great responsibility. what's your name? >> mike. >> mike? you look like a terrorist. [ laughter ] and without me the show wouldn't be on the air. this is like a living nightmare! you're a ding dong. he's be cancelled. it'd be like "howie do it." this is like a nightmare! i think my husband is going to know about this. >> jimmy: all right, and then you go -- all right, this e here is the -- is the beer gun. now, i could see where this is a flop, higgins. it's because -- >> my name is lydia higgins, and my husband is steve higgins. he's the announcer for the "jimmy fallon" show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: higgins, you invented this idea. it was a mistake. i can tell you why it was a mistake because if you find the -- >> my steve is the voice of the show. he's like the -- what do you call this here? the speech part. the trachea. he's the trachea of the show. >> jimmy: are you okay?
>> i'm okay. i'm fine, jimmy. >> jimmy: lydia, how are you? ge, you all right? you came through the window. [ laughter ] >> i liked lydia right from get-go. right from to get-go. we are thick as thieves. >> she is like the sister i never had. >> we are like two little pudding pops. do they still make pudding pops? oh, your bubbies look great. >> check them out. it's a new bra. >> uh-oh. they look fantastic. >> well, they're overflowing. you're bad. >> and you're sick. >> the husband think so? i guess nbc doesn't have much going on. >> jimmy: someone get these cats out of here. ♪ >> oh, my word! look at all of the red seats. oh, my gosh. how many do you think there are? well, my name is dale miles, and i'm married to a.d. miles. he's the head writer of the "late night with jimmy fallon" show. >> go see daddy. go see daddy. >> hi, dale. >> how are you?
>> the good lord has blessed us with one, only one child. and his name is caleb. >> jimmy: hey, caleb. are you visiting your dad at the job? >> bless his heart. he is just so dynamic. [ laughter ] it's obvious that he wants to be a performer. ♪ >> tony, come look at my hair, baby. bashir! bashir! hi, my name is yvonne. my husband is bashir salahuddin and he's the director of "late night with jimmy fallon." cue the music, cue sound, open credit. my husband is the boss of the showwhich means he's very busy. baby? hello, can i help you? excuse me, turn around, do your job. thank you. [ laughter ] okay, obviously, we're really busy. >> almost showtime. >> text me when you get done, okay? >> okay, later. >> okay. >> sure will. >> love you. >> all right. >> bye. >> okay. [ laughter ]
>> hi, girls. >> hello, yvonne. >> lydia, ooh, i like that yellow on your hair, baby. hey, dale. >> when we go out, we're the talk of the town. everyone knows. "look who's here, the girls from 'late night.'" i can have a good time. >> yvonne is a real special lady. bless her heart. >> she repulses me, okay? the sandwiches and the power trip and the attitude -- enough already. enough! >> lunch is served. >> it was as if wimpy from "popeye" came to life, turned into some kind of genie and snuck into yvonne's body. so, there'd be a craving of sandwiches. >> enough, already. enough, okay? [ laughter ] we get it, all right? go eat your sandwich somewhere else. >> hey, where's your wife at? >> my name is renee biddle, and my husband is owen biddle of the legendary root band.
>> renee is a little unusual. >> she's a drunk. she's drunk all of the time. i tell my husband, "that lady is drunk all the time." he says, "we got to keep the roots happy." and i say, "who the 'f' are the roots?" right? like i'm supposed to give a "f" about the roots, okay? [ laughter ] i can smell her from here. hello? go back to the gutter. >> jimmy: a man in minnesota was caught breaking into a zoo, so he could feed pop tarts to the gorillas. >> okay. all right. hello? excuse me. hi. yeah, we're trying to do a monologue here, okay? so, stop with the diddling with your face. >> denise, i love her. my god, i love her, but she's got a temper on her. and tiny little bubbies, big old temper. >> why are you looking at me like i'm speaking a different language? no, excuse me. no, that's why i'm talking. you're tuning the guitar while he's trying to tell a joke. he's setting up the whole show. these are monologue jokes.
and you're diddling on your doodle over there, all right? don't you even -- >> all right. >> you guys -- stay out of it. i'm talking to the wife. >> jimmy: okay. i got it. >> you, get out. >> jimmy: i got it. [ laughter ] >> get a skateboard and tony hawk your ass out of here. i don't care anymore. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. well, now everyone understands and they won't do it anymore. >> don't you start with me, okay? go back to whatever you're doing, reading the words they wrote. hatever the hell -- >> we got it. we got it. >> you shut your trap, all right? zip your pie hole, okay? and, you, stop staring at me like a frigging cabbage patch doll. [ laughter ] be a human being. my husband is the host, so that makes me the boss. >> who is in control of this crap? who is directing this crap? all right? >> no, no, no, no. no, denise, do not dohat. do not start that, okay? do not take out the problems with you and your husband on my husband, okay? i'm about to show these babies who the boss is, okay? [ laughter ] they don't know who they're playing with. lydia, talk to your girl. talk to your friend. >> lydia. >> hello? wake up.
>> you want me to wake up? that's how you wake people up? you knock her on the head? >> that's right. that's how i wake people up. every morning while she's sleeping, i say, "wake up, baby." i knock on his head. and you know what, and then we make love. [ laughter ] and then we make love for hours. >> this is a nightmare. >> and then he come in here and tries to direct your husband to tell good jokes. >> "f" off! >> you, "f" off! >> "f" off! [ laughter ] "f" off! all right! >> let's just do it again -- >> don't cry. i'm going to have a good cry. thank you so much! i really appreciate it. thank you. "f" yourself. >> who's the boss? not tony danza. not bruce springsteen. >> "f" off. we don't need a show, i guess. "f" this step! what the hell is this? [ laughter ] i'm shaking. hello? off. when we go out, we're the talk of the town. "f" off! that's a fact, jack! [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: stick around, everybody. we'll be right back with senator john mccain. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (announcer) there are engines... and then there's the twin-turbocharging, 365-horsepower-generating, ecoboost™ eine in the all-new ford taurus sho that has the thirst of a v6 with the thrust of a v8. we speak car. we speak innovation. introducing the all-new taurus sho from ford. drive one.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is a united states senator from the state of arizona, a decorated war hero and the 2008 republican presidential nominee. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the honorable senator john mccain, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good. very good. >> thanks for the reminder. [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: thank you so much, senator. thank you for coming on the show. >> thank you. that was a little trip down memory lane, there. some of our audience don't know
that i was asked about iran a couple of years ago, and i said, "oh, you mean 'barbara ann?'" i will never hear the end of it. >> jimmy: the other thing you'll never hear the end of -- when you were on "saturday night live," that was the last time i saw you. >> yep. >> jimmy: you did a great sketch with -- you sang barbra streisand songs. >> "memories." >> jimmy: and you were horrible. [ laughter ] but then, i think the punch line was you go, "see, barbra, you let me do my job, you do your job. you stick to your job, i'll stick to mine." that was -- did you have fun doing "saturday night live"? >> yeah, and i still hear from people that watched that. and, not only that, it's on youtube and all the other -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- so i hear about it a lot. but the great tragedy was, you and i had a skit that was your skit that lorne michaels cut just before. a lot of people didn't know, but "saturday night live," they have a final cut, and we made it to the final, yours and my skit made it to the thing, and then he cut it. it was so great. >> jimmy: i thought it was funny -- well, i don't know if it was, but at the time, you were a good sport for doing
that. we were the band, and you answer an ad in the paper to be the lead singer of our band. we had a garage band. >> i kept rolling my eyes. >> jimmy: and you kept rolling your eyes. yeah, you were a guy who, like, we didn't know whether you were sarcastic or not. you're like, "that was a really great song." [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] we have a clip of it, because we just want to show you really oversold the rolling your eyes. here's -- the skit never aired. here it is. ♪ [ laughter ] >> now you're rolling your eyes through the whole song. if you don't want to be the singer, just get out of here. >> i love the song. i loved that even more than the first song. [ laughter ] >> hey, i wrote that song. >> well, you should be real proud of yourself. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see, you did a good job. i loved that that you did that.
thank you. [ applause ] >> after seeing that, i am glad it didn't air. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> hey, congratulations on your emmy. great. >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> congratulations. >> jimmy: thank you. we're so happy. [ cheers and applause ] >> nice job. great job. >> jimmy: we have a lot of kids who watch, a lot of college, younger kids watching us on the show, and i just wanted to know if you could -- what was the college-aged john mccain like? because there's a pretty interesting story about someone you dated once. >> well, when i graduated from the naval academy, i had a brand new corvette. i went down to pilot training and spent most of my time studying in the library. but, occasionally, i did get out. and i met a rather attractive young woman who worked at a local entertainment spot. her name was marie "the flame of florida." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "the flame of florida"?. >> that's right, yes. >> jimmy: and she worked at an entertainment -- what did she do? >> yes, yes, entertainer. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: maybe a dancer? maybe? >> no, no. sort of. an entertainer. so, we began a strictly plutonic relationship. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> and one night, i -- at her night off from the local establishment called "trader john's" was the name of the place, as a matter of fact. and so i drove over to a friend of mine's house who was married, a classmate of mine from the naval academy. and he and some other unmarried couples were there. and so i said, "hey, i would like for you to meet some of my friends." we came in, and she wasn't dressed exactly the way that all of the wives were. and, obviously, after not a very long period of time, she grew a little bored with the conversation. so she reached into her purse and took out a switchblade and began to clean her fingernails. [ laughter ] which is -- could happen. >> jimmy: that's a normal thing. everyone does that. a switchblade. >> 30 years later, at a naval academy reunion, the guy's
wife came over and said, "i never forgotten what you did, bringing that person into my house." >> jimmy: "the flame of florida." >> "the flame of florida." too bad it things didn't work out with you two. but, hey, what are you going to do? you know what i'm going to ask you about? we're both on twitter. what made you go on twitter? >> because that's the newest and verymportant means of communication. it really is. it's incredible. we have 1.35 million people that follow it. >> jimmy: geez. i was in canyon deshay, which is a beautiful canyon, with my son, jimmy, and we twittered and showed pictures of this beautiful canyon in arizona. it's as beautiful as the grand canyon. to make a long story short, about a week later, i was in irbil, kurdistan, kurdistan of iraq. i go into a meeting with the prime minister of kurdistan. i'm not making this up. i said, "how are you, mr. prime minister?" hesaid, "fine." he said, "i follow you on twitter. weren't you just in a canyon with your son, jimmy, in arizona?" >> jimmy: no way? >> i'm not making it up. this is worldwide.
it's not just this country, it's worldwide. and if i could -- a serious note, people were twittering in the streets of teheran while they were being beaten and killed and told the world of the terrible things that were taking place. that's the end of that regime, sometime, of oppressive clerics in iran. it is, i'm telling you, it is incredible what is it going on. it's so powerful. >> jimmy: we have different tweets me and you. [ laughter ] >> slightly different. slightly different. >> jimmy: i actually have an example, a couple examples. all right? here is one that you wrote. you wrote, "productive meeting with president saleh in yemen. enormous challenges in a country with two insurgencies." and around the same time, i wrote, "didn't see 'halloween ii' yet. going this weekend." [ laughter ] similar. and you -- another one, put, "late evening with colonel gaddafi at his ranch in libya. interesting meeting with an interesting man."
and, at the same time, i wrote, "thanks to mario batali for our gift, 100 pbrs on ice." [ laughter ] kind of the same thing. yeah. we asked a bunch of people to send in -- we want to use twitter as much as we can on the show. we asked a bunch of people to send in some questions for you that they wanted to ask. it's almost like a virtual town hall meeting when we come back with senator john mccain, everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ( instrumental rock music playing )
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back everybody. we're back, everybody, with senator john mccain. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you, jimmy fallon. [ laughter ] inside joke. >> jimmy: inside joke there, yeah. now, you were recently in iraq and afghanistan. and are you -- what are your thoughts about that? are you seeing any progress there at all? what are we -- >> well, it's hard and it's tough. before i get into it, could i say thanks for putting the whole health care debate in the right perspective here. you guys did a great job. [ light laughter ] opened up new avenues of bi-partisanship and i'm grateful for that. >> jimmy: we do what we can on "late night with jimmy fallon." >> it's great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
another inside joke. well, in iraq and afghanistan -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> things are tough in afghanistan. and it is going to take a bigger effort on our part. >> jimmy: really? >> it's very, very tough, and it is a bad place. that is where 9/11 began, as you know. al qaeda was trained and equipped there. and they're the people that did such a horrible thing to this great city in america. so, it's going to be long and it's going to be hard and it's going to be tough. but, i'm telling you that there are thousands and thousands of young men and women who are there in iraq and afghanistan who are going to be seeing this show. and, thanks, because they're the best of america. they really are. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: let's take a couple of twitter questions here. >> twitter? >> jimmy: yeah, some tweets. this one is from mr. 570.
look, he's having a nice coffee there. "is it true that the current health care system will implode if we don't change things? in other words, is there really a problem?" >> this is really a problem. i mean, medicare is going to be broke in about seven years. and that is something that's just going to happen. we can't continue to pay for it, and so we've got to fix it. and we need to fix it. and i think that we can. but it's time we really sat down together rather than the kind of back and forth. i was interested in the president saying that the time for bickering is over. what time -- what was bicker time? i missed that. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> the fact is we need to work together. we need to save the system. and we can. we can. working together, we can. >> jimmy: do you talk to the president much? >> i talk to him when -- seriously, when it's necessary. the president is the busiest man in the world. and i do -- we have a cordial relationship. we have worked together on a number of issues. i know we'll be work together on afghanistan and other problems.
>> jimmy: do you like the way he's doing things? >> i think that he is a very charismatic and very effective leader. his speeches and conversations with america, i think, are very effective. we have disagreements on some things, and there's other areas where we agree. but i think that he is extremely effective. >> jimmy: yeah. well, let's take another twitter question. second question, here we go. this is from mpgeno. or -- i don't know. mpgeno. i can't read anymore. okay. "please ask -- [ laughter ] his thoughts on personal responsibility and health care. can we legislate healthy lifestyles if it saves us all money?" >> sure, we should. right now, there's companies and corporations that reward people for wellness and fitness. if you join a health club, if you don't smoke, if you're -- you keep your -- keep weight under contl, tn there should be rewards for doing that. and that can save money.
it saves money all of the time. there's no doubt that people that are obese have enormous problems in lifwith health care. so, it's clear that we should reward wellness and fitness and healthy lifestyles. >> jimmy: bloomberg and giuliani were doing good. there's no smoking in bars now. and, like, you go to a bar for health reasons, please. [ laughter ] but, anyway, that was good. you know, there's no trans fats and stuff like that. so, that's all rking. we have one more twitter question. who is -- this is from jimmy fallon. who is your favorite "snl" cast member turned talk show host in the last 15 years? [ laughter ] >> jimmy kimmel. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: senator john mccain, everybody. stick around, miranda cosgrove joins us next. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ for fresh delivery taste without the delivery price, it's digiorno. ♪ even more freedom to the freest country on earth. so why should you be penalized for talking to someone, just because they're on another network. shouldn't you be able to call any mobile... on any network, at any time? it's a free country. knock yourself out. announcer: introducing the revolutionary any mobile, anytime. now on the sprint network you're free to call 250 million mobile phones nationwide without worrying about the meter running. only from sprint. the now network. deaf, hard of hearing and people with speech disabilities access www.sprintrelay.com.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guest is the biggest star on nickelodeon right now, with her emmy nominated show "icarly." just got picked up for another season. say hello to the lovely miranda cosgrove, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome. i am surprised. i didn't see you last night 'cause we were walking by. >> i saw you run by. you're too big for me. >> jimmy: the vmas. yeah, i was running around. i was afraid of kanye. [ laughter ]
i -- you never know what he's gonna do. you had to introduce taylor swift. >> yeah, it was a lot of fun. it was the first time to going to the vmas. but, i thought it was kind of lame. i mean, it was like taylor swift's moment. the end was cool when beyonce had her come out. i loved that. that was really awesome. >> jimmy: i love beyonce. she's good, yeah. that kanye thing too -- that's what you get when you invite kanye to your party. he's gonna go up -- [ laughter ] they're use to it. but that was cool. so, it was your first time going? >> yeah, my very first time. >> jimmy: what was your favorite part? >> it was a lot of fun. i liked when we were driving up and how it's pretty much like all of new york comes out. it was just hundreds of people every where. and i liked the -- there was like a parade float with people dancing and doing all this stuff. but i loved pink's performance. that was probably my favorite. >> i missed that 'cause i was backstage. >> i'm a huge pink fan. >> jimmy: i missed that because i was backstage. >> it was really good. >> jimmy: i like pink, too. >> she's an acrobat. she was like flying through the air. >> jimmy: i saw something like that, but i was just like -- i was trying to talk to andy samberg. and we were both -- >> i loved you're impersonations. it was good. >> jimmy: oh, thanks. >> your singing was very good. >> jimmy: it was horrible. i'm not known for my siing so much. you're not from -- where are you from? >> i am from l.a. actually, but i love new york.
i want to come to nyu. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. [ cheers ] [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: that's a good time. you want to come here? oh, good. well, you just turned 16, right? >> yeah, i just turned 16. >> jimmy: wow, the big 16. >> a few months ago. >> jimmy: sweet 16. >> sweet 16. >> jimmy: do you have your driver's license? >> i do not have my driver's license. and i am embarrassed because i always said as soon as i turn 15 1/2 i would get my driver's license. >> jimmy: that's what i always say. [ laughter ] >> yeah, but i have a box of -- i have a box of "hello kitty" stuff ready for -- i don't have a car. >> jimmy: me, too. >> really? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have so much in common. >> i have, like, a box ready for my car when i get it. like with the seat covers and all of the "hello kitty" stuff. i'm a huge "hello kitty" fan. >> jimmy: are you really gonna -- >> check out my nail painting. >> jimmy: i think they're awesome. >> "hello kitty." >> jimmy: show it to this camera over there. >> this one? >> jimmy: did you get that? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: can you see that? they're little "hello kitty." >> can you see them? [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: that's really cool. >> i'm all proud. >> jimmy: aw. i have them, too. [ laughter ] >> nice. >> jimmy: "the real housewives" -- they should have nail polish. at's weird. personally, i've never done drag. when i did "saturday night live," you think i would dress like i girl. >> i really loved that by the way. i was watching while i was waiting in the dressing room.
it was really funny. >> jimmy: thank you. i can't tell you what you women go through. [ laughter ] >> i know, right? >> jimmy: it is inse. >> it takes hours to get ready. >> jimmy: it's insane. i was actually like, "i don't know how my wife does this." if we're going to the movies, i'm like, "come on! let's go! let's go!" and she's like, "hold on." and i'm like, "what is she doing?" now i know what she is doing. [ laughter ] it's horrible what you go through. >> now you know why she's in the bathroom so long. >> jimmy: it is insane 'cause it's not just your face but then your hair. >> everything. >> jimmy: i'm sounding like bill cosby. [ impersonates cosby ] "your face, then the hair, then the thing, then that." [ laughter ] now, this is exciting. "people" magazine -- people just have the lifetime dream just to be in "people" magazine. you have an actual whole "people" magazine about you. >> yeah, i couldn't believe it when they said they were gonna do a whole issue on "icarly." >> jimmy: come on! look at this. >> i got to do a two-day photo shoot for it. and i got to live out one of my dreams. i got to ride a horse on the beach. yeah, right there. >> jimmy: that is a dream. >> except the horse didn't want to get its feet wet. >> jimmy: what? >> yeah, it didn't want to. it didn't like it at all. >> jimmy: what kind of beach horse is that? >> i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he didn't want to get his feet wet?
>> no, he kept running up, like, away from the water every single time the water would come up. and then it would run back towards the water whenever it -- [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: he prefers pools. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that is kind of rad. where are you? >> i was in malibu, actually, at this really cute little beach. >> jimmy: and do they have horses rides that you can rent? >> no, they don't. they had to bring -- they brought like two or three horses down. >> jimmy: it was an illegal horse ride. >> yeah. first illegal thing i've ever done. >> jimmy: that must have been kind of letdown, right? th was one of your dreams. do you have any other dreams? i always wanted to go in a hot air balloon. >> hot air balloon. sky dive, that is what i want to do. >> jimmy: sky dive. >> skyive. you have to be 18 though. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> and you have to take lessons. >> jimmy: you have to be crazy as well. >> that too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, you sing the theme song for the new movie, "cloudy with a chance of meatballs." we have a clip of your song. >> oh, cool. ♪ ♪ look around the storm has passed and there's hurricanes of happiness ♪ ♪ raise up your umbrellas high and stand beneath
the clear blue sky ♪ ♪ the clear blue sky ♪ it's raining sunshine it's raining sunshine all over mankind it's raining sunshine ♪ >> jimmy: there you go. it's a very cheery, happy song. [ cheers and applause ] i love that. >> it is very happy. >> jimmy: i'm looking forward to seeing that movie. it's gonna be good. >> yeah, it's a good movie. >> jimmy: yeah. "cloudy with a chance of meatballs" opens this friday. you can catch "icarly" every saturday at 8:00. miranda cosgrove, everybody. rufus wainwright performs next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is one of my favorite singer/songwriters ever. he's about the release a concert album called "milwaukee at last!!!." he's here to perform the song, "the art teacher," please welcome my good friend, rufus wainwright, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ there i was in uniform looking at the art teacher ♪ ♪ i was just a girl then and never have i loved since then ♪ ♪ he was not that much older than i was he had taken our class to the metropolitan museum ♪ ♪ he asked us what our favorite work of art was but never could i tell him it was him ♪ ♪ oh, i wish i could tellim