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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  October 20, 2009 12:35am-1:35am EDT

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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i was watching the funeral and
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i am like, "i'm watching a then they showed another [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] and of course, steve schirripa,
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television
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-- captions by vitac -- ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow! thank you -- thank you very much, everybody. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. it's friday! [ cheers and applause ] yes! friday -- a lot of crazy stuff is happening here at the end of the week. john edwards -- you remember john edwards? well, he finally admitted that he's the father of his mistress' baby after denying it for over a year. so, it's a pretty classic case of whoever denied it, supplied it. [ laughter ] edwards says he's ashamed. he can hardly look himself in the mirror. on the bright side, that frees up an extra four hours a day for
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him. so, that's good for him -- but, fortunately, some good news came out of the whole thing. he agreed to join bristol palin on the abstinence tour. [ laughter ] so, that should be exciting. big story -- big story in the nfl. michael vick back from his suspension. [ boos and cheers ] looks like it. yeah. the roots love it. yeah, he's -- back from his suspension, he's signed a two-year contract with the philadelphia eagles. [ boos and cheers ] this is even crazier. the minnesota vikings just signed phil spector. [ laughter ] i don't even know if that makes any sense. well, michael vick, he says that he's excited to be back in the nfl and playing for the eagles. he said, "i love the eagles. especially when you throw two of them in a ring together." that is just -- [ audience ohs ] it's just nothing better. gets all giddy. hey, a newspaper in utah is refusing to publish a gay couple's wedding announcement. they said they only print legal unions. i guess in utah, a lot of people
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believe that marriage should just be between a man and a woman and a woman and a woman. [ light laughter ] jon gosselin is hosting a pool party at the mgm grand in vegas. it will be huge. it will be huge. hundreds of women already lining up for a chance to drown jon gosselin. it's gonna be -- [ cheers and applause ] hey, word of warning about the gosselin party in vegas. if you're in the pool at the same time jon is, you will get pregnant. [ laughter ] so, know that going in. i read there's a bakery in detroit will break a record tomorrow when they unveil a 7,000-pound vanilla cupcake. hey you know what you call a huge cupcake? a cake. [ laughter ] it's not a record at all. this is ridiculous. what's wrong with people! happy birthday to author danielle steele. she turns 61 today. she celebrated by lighting every candle on her cake one by one. each flickered as she moved on
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to the next. her face illuminated from below. [ laughter ] the final wick ignited a soft kiss. she gently pursed her lips to extinguish the flame. [ laughter and applause ] sarah palin -- sarah palin changed her twitter name yesterday. she's now @sarahpalinusa. the person most affected by the change, sarah palinusa. [ light laughter ] give me that -- steve, can i have that? [ cheers and applause ] thanks, buddy. thanks, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] how you doing, buddy? how you doing? you got to go over here. how are you? you even get the punch line. and you guys get up there. you can have it, yeah. hey, buddy.
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ridiculous. sarah palinusa. yeah. hey, a new study finds that women spend 12,000 hours of their lives crying. [ laughter and applause ] while men spend the same amount of time not knowing what they're apologizing for. [ laughter ] "i said you looked good. why?" and finally, everybody, heidi montag said in an interview yesterday that she has 20 to 30 orgasms per day with her new husband spencer pratt. then she said, "orgasms are when you throw up in your mouth a little, right? is that what it is?" [ laughter ] ladies and gentleman, we have a great show tonight. thank you for watching. the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, roots. we're very excited here tonight becae it's kind of a landmark
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for us. it's our 100th show, everybody. so, just -- [ cheers and applause ] 100, i can't believe it. i can't believe it. and you know, i had a friend who bet me 100 bucks that we wouldn't make it this far. so, you owe me 100 bucks, buddy. and you better pay up. i doubt i'll ever see it, but -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a man of his word. a man of his word right there. just as talkative as he was the first show. [ laughter ] >> little bit. >> jimmy: we've got an
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awesome 100th show for you guys tonight. emmy-nominated actor and "30 rock," a good friend of mine, tracy morgan is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's so funny. i love him. the director of "the goods: live hard, sell hard" and the very funny comedian, neal brennan will be performing stand-up and chatting with us as well. [ cheers and applause ] happy 100, everybody. today's friday. today's friday, and that's when i usually catch up on some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, return some e-mails, you know, of course, send out thank you notes. so, i'm running a bit behind today. so, i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, i would just write out my weekly thank you notes right now. thank u. roots, can i get some thank you note writing music? ♪ [ light laughter ]
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, dog snuggie, for allowing us to embarrass animals in a way i never imagined possible. you did it, thanks for that. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, dick cheney, for announcing your new tell-all memoir. i'm sure it will be a best seller and give the publishing world a much-needed shot in the face. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, health care town hall meetings, for combining a quaint small-town potluck dinner with "fight club." [ laughter ] question -- what's the first rule aboutown hall fight club? yeah, exactly.
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♪ >> jimmy: thank you, miley cyrus, for being 16 and acting like a stripper on the teen choice awards. [ laughter ] you really want to piss off your dad? why not just cut off his allowance? [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, philadelphia eagles, for signing michael vick. also, thank you for not being named the philadelphia beagles. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the best joke i've ever written in my whole life.
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[ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, secretary of state hillary clinton, for showing the congo and the rest of the world that you don't take crap from nobody. [ laughter ] you pulled out your ear buds and were ready to go "jerry springer" on that dude. [ laughter ] also, taking out your ear buds is the new "yo, hold my jacket whili kick some ass." [ laughter ] so, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] don't take any crap. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, slow walking family walking in front of me on the sidewalk. [ laughter ] no, please, take your time. [ laughter ] and definitely spread out, too. [ cheers and applause ] you create a --
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you create a sort of barricade of idiots. [ laughter ] i'm so thankful that you forced me to walk on the street and risk getting hit by a car in order to pass you so i could resume walking at a normal human pace. thank you! ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, insurance company death panels, for unplugging grandma and freeing up an outlet for our new chevy volt. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: this is the last thank you note. thank you, audience attending "late night with jimmy fallon's" 100th episode. [ cheers and applause ]
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and not -- for not just being a great -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you, audience attending "late night with jimmy fallon's" 100th episode for not just being a great audience but for being one of our top 100 audiences of all time. thank you! [ cheers and applause ] there you have it. those are my thank you notes. coming up, we revisit the "late night dance challenge." come on back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tdd# 1-800-345-2550 tdd# 1-800-345-2550 to an investment question. tdd# 1-800-345-2550 i don't really need much more than that right now. tdd# 1-800-345-2550 tdd# 1-800-345-2550 well we're going to be living on this money pretty soon. tdd# 1-800-345-2550 there's no time to make mistakes, tdd# 1-800-345-2550 at this point we need all the help we can get. tdd# 1-800-345-2550
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with lotion and a touch of shea butter. it's more soothing than plain tissue, why use any other? a nose in need, deserves puffs plus indeed. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. welcome back and thank you for watching. it's a great crowd. thanks again, roots. i just want to say thank you guys so mu for 100 great shows. you guys are the greatest band, and i love you guys so much. [ cheers and applause ]
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the greatest. love those guys. you know, a while ago, we had a contest here called "the jimmy fallon dance challenge." we posted an original song on our website and we asked viewers to come up with a dance for it. and we got a ton of entries. let's listen to the song here. ♪ late night jimmy fallon dance challenge it's the late night jimmy ♪ >> jimmy: all right. that's good. i love that song so much. anyway, we picked -- [ laughter ] it's got my name in it. i'm an egomaniac. why would i love that? but it's got a good beat to it. so, anyway, we picked a winner. the contest was a lot of fun. and -- but that wasn't the end of the story. one of the dance challenge contestants who didn't win went ahead and shot a video for their dance anyway. they even did a remix of the song. you can find it on youtube under "the jimmy fallon dip." take a look at this. ♪ do that jimmy fallon dip jimmy fallon dip ♪ ♪ do that jimmy fallon dip everybody do the late night late night late night ♪ ♪ everybody do the late nht late night late night♪ >> jimmy: that was incredible. "the jimmy fallon dip." [ cheers and applause ] anyway, everybody please welcome
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alton lee and the first family, right here. [ cheers and applause ] you guys are awesome. what's up, buddy? dude, thanks so much. >> thank you, man. >> jimmy: dude, that was so cool. you remixed the song. you shot a video. >> yeah, we remixed it for you, man. my man david cox remixed it, man. we just put that down. >> david koch? >> david oswald cox. >> jimmy: oh yeah, good. david oswald. don't confuse him with the other david cox. >> we don't want to do that. >> jimmy: out of where? nashville? >> yeah, he's out of atlanta. you know what i'm saying, but the crew here rep from tennessee. you know, from down that way. represent. >> jimmy: from tennessee, okay. >> yep. >> jimmy: well, i loved it so much. we were playing in the office. we just got the biggest kick out of it. it was so awesome. you've got a crowd of people doing this thing. where did everyone come from? >> you know, we create different dances. we've got dances like snap, crackle, pop. we got dominos, all kind of stuff. but, dude, your show, like, inspired us so much. we were like, "man, we got to put jimmy on the map, baby." [ cheers and applause ] so, that's what we did. >> jimmy: love it. that was so great. and you were in there doing it from the start. i mean, that was so great. wellit was a great job. do you think you can teach me a little bit of the dance? >> dude, we're going to rock it
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right now. you ready? >> jimmy: yeah, how do i do it? >> all right, check it out. here we go. first thing you do, stick out your left hand, put out your right hand. >> jimmy: so far this is what i do at the club. this is great. [ laughter ] >> you step out. >> we rock all night, man. >> jimmy: yeah. >> check out our flight plan. >> jimmy okay. >> all right. then we do that airplane. we rock that airplane, we fly that airplane, we do that airplane. then here comes the signature. ready? >> jimmy: yep. >> then you do the jimmy fallon dip. [ laughter ] jimmy fallon dip. jimmy fallon dip. jimmy fallon dip. the last part is do the late night creep. so, it's right -- >> jimmy: late night creep? >> yes. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm the late night creep? >> no, you're not the late night creep. it's for all of your fans to get their groove on in the club in the lateight. >> jimmy: oh, so, they'll be creeping around. >> they'll be creeping. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: get the creep on. >> exactly. >> jimmy: that's the next dance. >> the jimmy fallon dip, baby. >> jimmy: yeah, or the jimmy fallon creep on. so, wait, how do you do the jimmy fallon creep again?
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>>t's right, left, right. >> jimmy: okay. okay. i'm white. [ laughter ] so, i don't know if you -- i don't know -- [ cheers and applause ] i think i'm ready to do this. >> i think you're cool. i think you're ready to do it, too. >> jimmy: let's hear the remix. check it out. ♪ now this the new dance everybody want to do left hand right hand then you fly with your crew ♪ ♪ first you do the airplane then you jimmy fallon dip up to the up side watch me jimmy fallon dip ♪ ♪ there ain't nothing to it man you can roll with it you grab your air guitar and rock like you aerosmith ♪ ♪ and when your friends ask how you do that j-f-d you look them right into the eyes and tell them ♪ ♪ follow me stick out your left hand put out your right hand we go all night man ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ check out my flight plan we do the airplane we work that airplane we fly the airplane ♪ ♪ we do the airplane
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we do the jimmy fallon dip jimmy fallon dip it's the jimmy fallon dip ♪ ♪ jimmy fallon dip do the late night great night late night ♪ ♪ do the late night creep do the late night oh ♪ >> jimmy: this is the coolest thing ever. listen to "jimmy fallon dip" on youtube. give it up for alton lee and the first family, everybody. when we come back, tracy morgan. come on back! [ cheers and appuse ] ♪ american renewal. helping doctors help patients. in healthcare advancements cancer detection medical records, health for more people. means never forgetting is everything. is happening. right now.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you for watching at home, i appreciate it. hey, everybody, our first guest tonight is an old pal and one of the funniest dudes on the planet. he's an emmy nominee for his work on "30 rock." and he's got a book coming out in october entitled "i am the new black." [ laughter ] put it together for tracy morgan, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: that's a good man! yeah! >> yo, jim! how about "the jimmy fallon dip"? "the tracy morgan sit." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, it's "the tracy morgan sit." >> yeah, "the tracy morgan sit." i'm too old to be dipping. [ laughter ] this is for you for the hunny. this is for the hundred. >> jimmy: for the hundred? >> yeah. >> jimmy: dude, you're the greatest. >> open it up, boy. >> jimmy: i should? >> check it out. yeah. i'm laid some treats on you. >> jimmy: what? >> i laid some treats on you. >> jimmy: thank you man. "happy 100 jimbo, tracy."
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[ laughter ] oh, man -- >> check it out. something special. uh-huh. check it out, good. open it. >> jimmy: all right, buddy. >> struggle. without no struggle, there is no progress. [ laughter ] struggle. >> jimmy: it's like sitting next to deepak chopra. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> chocolates. i would have gotten you a bigger box, but there's a recession. [ laughter ] that's what they told me. >> jimmy: they told you that? >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is godiva chocolates. these are great chocolates. >> right on. >> jimmy: tracy, that's so nice of you. thank you. >> got them downstairs. like, $12. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't have to tell me that. [ cheers and applause ] >> you my man. >> jimmy: i know. i know. i love you. >> my last girlfriend left me because on valentines i got her a snicker and some grass. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think that's thoughtful. i would think that's thoughtful. >> i was thinking about you, my man. >> jimmy: yeah, you got her a snickers and some grass? >> i love the roots, they the joint, you the man! the man! >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, oh, look
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at them. they're the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] very good. captain kirk. >> you got the big -- big french horn -- his lips are still intact, too. they got the dizzy gillespie joint. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> black thought is nice. he would have been around in '88. >> jimmy: you think that's how nice his? >> that's how -- that's hip-hop, that's at the top. '88. >> jimmy: he probably was around in '88. were you alive in 1988? no, he was born in -- >> he wasn't? he's a baby. [ laughter ] he's a baby. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: last time you were on the show, i got you a nice fish. you remember? >> yeah. >> jimmy: we have a picture of it. i got you a lion -- we were wearing snuggies. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: we were both wearing snuggies that day. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i got you a lion fish. 'cause i know you have a big tank. how is the lion fish doing? >> i had to put it in there with the sharks and stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, with the sharks. how is -- >> he got ate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was a peace fish.
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>> yeah, it was poisonous, too. >> jimmy: he's a poisonous fish -- >> but he wasn't that poisonous. yeah, the ar got to him. i got sharks -- i've got predators in my tank. you knew that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but i talked to a fish guy, he said that -- >> yeah, he lied to you. [ laughter ] you talked to the fish guy, but you never said anything about putting them in there with some sharks. [ lighlaughter ] >> jimmy: wait a second. >> did you question him on that? did you question the knowledge? >> jimmy: no, i didn't question the knowledge. >> you have to question the knowledge. [ laughter ] that's what makes me the new black. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you got to question the knowledge. >> yes. >> jimmy: you have to question the knowledge. >> bass, how low can you go? >> jimmy: what a brother know. >> yeah! >> jimmy: but, "i am the new black." >> yeah. >> jimmy: look at this. you look great. >> and that has nothing to do with race. [ light laughter ] yeah, look. a lot of sexiness. you see that pot belly in there? [ laughter ] that's girth. >> jimmy: it's girth.
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>> that's girth. i keep my girth so when i make love to my woman she know i'm actually in the bed with her. [ laughter ] bam, bam, bam. >> jimmy: all right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey. yep, yep. >> i don't play. i ain't no light weight. i'm a heavy weight. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah -- >> oh, heavy weight boxer. sluggish. mike weaver or something. >> jimmy: mike -- he's like mike weaver. >> yeah, mike weaver. >> jimmy: i don't have any idea. [ laughter ] is that the way he used to box? is that the way mike weaver would box? i threw a couple upper cuts in there. that's pretty nice. i know, yeah, the -- oh, that's a good one, too. oh, stop the fight. stop the fight. >> always make jim laugh. i'm used to crack jim up. >> jimmy: you always do. you always do. you always called me jim, too. i like that. >> yep, jim, that's my man. jim -- captain kirk. people don't realize who
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captain kirk's best friend was. they think it was spock. but no, that was just his first -- his first -- like, what they call that? >> jimmy: first mate. >> yeah, that's it. you know who captain kirk's real man was? his partner? was bones. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, because bones was the only one called him jim. "dammit, jim, i'm a doctor, not a mechanic, jim." [ laughter ] spock never called him jim. spock called him captain. >> jimmy: you made him sound like he was angry. >> yeah! he didn't play! he called him by his name. he called him by his government. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: his government name -- >> that was his government name -- >> jimmy: not his nickname. >> jimmy: now, dude, you're in new york because you're doing a really funny movie with -- >> bruce willis. >> jimmy: bruce willis. and kevin smith's directing. >> yeah, we just wrapped last night. >> jimmy: really? >> as a matter of fact. 2:00 in the morning i just wrapped. >> jimmy: did you? congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's great. you play two detectives -- two detectives in the movie. and the movie is called -- >> "a couple of dicks." [ laughter ] see, you think it's sexual.
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you're making it sexual. >> jimmy: no. are you singling out one person? >> all of them. they're making it sexual. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. but "a couple of dicks." >> it's called "a couple of dicks." and they writing a sequel. it's called "a couple of dicks: part two, it just got harder." [ laughter ] see, you're making it sexual! you're making it sexual! >> jimmy: so, you're saying the job got harder, got trickier -- >> the job just got harder! >> jimmy: i want to know about the book. when is it coming out? when do we get it? let's get to it. >> huh? >> jimmy: let's get when -- [ laughter ] >> no, because i've got to keep my eyes on these people. >> jimmy: i know, yes. you get distracted. i just want to know where people can -- they amazon this? >> the can amazon this. >> jimmy: barnes & noble? >> yeah, you can get a copy on amazon. barnes & noble, everywhere. "i'm the new black." >> jimmy: and you talk about all the stuff -- all the scandals -- >> this has -- yeah. everything i went through, my whole journey up until this point where i'm sitting on the couch with jimmy fallon at the 100th episode. [ laughter ] it's in there. >> jimmy: it is in there. yeah, there it is right there. [ laughter ]
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>> no, it has nothing to really do with race or anything. it's just, like, the new black, means, like, a term for -- like, it's like a trend. you know, we got to try. you know, like the president said. there is no -- there are no excuses anymore. no matter where you come from, no matter what color you are, what nationality, you got to try. we've got to make this place, this whole world, a better place to be. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love that. how can you not love that. >> that's what the new black is about. >> jimmy: can you stay? can we talk a little bit more? >> i'm with you all the way. >> jimmy: more with tracy morgan. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ my academic advisor has really just lead the way for me. the support that they gave me, and the explanation of everything made me feel completely comfortable to know that i could actually do this. they're always available. you can pick up the phone and call somebody or shoot somebody an email. they're always there to lend me an ear, and always there to help me. they've just really wanted to see me succeed. sometimes people just need guidance. just you know someone to hold your hand and say,
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> also, you got the, you got the -- come on. stick it out there. stick it out there. >> jimmy: we're back with tracy morgan, everybody. tracy's going to be performing -- you're doing stand-up comedy at carnegie hall, november 6th. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow! [ cheers and applause ] part of the new york comedy festival. go check him out. see, that's, that's amazing. >> that's big, man. >> jimmy: carnegie hall. >> i'm going to pull the trigger that night. >> jimmy: right? >> yeah, i've got a big -- i got two truckloads of funny out there, man. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> big old bag of funny and crazy. >> jimmy: you can back it right up. >> i'm going to go all out.
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and -- >> jimmy: it's going to be an exciting night. dude, first of all, you're nominated for an emmy award. [ cheers and applause ] i hope you win. i love you. you've got to win. i'm sending you vibes. you got nominated for -- >> i know, we put more black people on the moon than getting nominated for emmys. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's true. yeah. we did, yeah. >> i feel fortunate and, you know, blessed. >> jimmy: i just want to hear you speech. it's going to be amazing. >> i might break down. i might cry. i may cry. [ laughter ] i don't ow. i'm in the doghouse right now. so, i may break down. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you're pretty fragile right now. >> yeah, i'm very sensitive. a lot of people don't know that i'm sensitive. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, we love it. >> i cry, look -- >> jimmy: no, we don't want you to cry. [ laughter ] we don't want you to cry. we don't want you to cry. >> i might cry right now. >> jimmy: no, no, i don't want you to -- stop -- no, i don't want you to crying. i don't want you to cry right now. >> how do you think will smith and denzel became big stars? women love when you break down. >> jimmy: cry? >> yes. they want to see you cry. they want to know how much you re. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. well, i don't want you crying. i want you having a good time.
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[ laughter ] because i want -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i was acting! i'm an actor! >> jimmy: he'll get an emmy for that! yeah, look at his eyes. he's tearing up a little bit. yeah, yeah, that is great. >> you ain't see the lip quiver? you see the lip quiver? >> jimmy: yeah, that was really good. i'll never forget, because i always bring this up to you. but the first time i went on "saturday night live," i came with my dad and you gave us a ride to the after party. because we were just going to go home. and your limousine -- >> yeah, i gave you a ride to the after party. and the next year, you were the star of the show. [ laughter ] i shouldn't have gave him a ride to the after party. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? but i'll never forget. and my dad loves you. and i love you. my whole family loves you. america loves you. we love tracy morgan. [ cheers and applause ] >> and i love america. >> jimmy: tracy morgan, everybody. we'll be right back with director/comedian neal brennan. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ excuse me.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest was the co-creator of the legendary "chappelle's show" and he's the director of the new film "the goods: live hard, sell hard," which is out this weekend. he's also a very hilarious stand-up comedian. please welcome the comic stylings of neal brennan, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. so, hi.
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so, i was watching cnn today and i got to say, i like cnn because even when it's bad news, it's kind of good on cnn. well, you know who has the saddest news on earth? you ever accidentally watch that british news? know what i'm talking abou that bbc news? those sad-ass british accents on there. like, just the way they pronounce countries on there bums me out. like "pakistan." ew. [ light laughter ] "kuala lumpur." please. [ laughter ] like, they can make any news story sound sad on there. like, "today, packs of wood nymphs traveled the hillsides of new jersey passing out chocolate chip cookies and hand jobs." [ laughter ] "we got to stay out of new jersey." so, yeah, so, jersey, i think, and lifornia, where i live, they've started passing laws abt the phone -- talking on the phone and driving.
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they've outlawed it. you gotta have a hands-free device in california and a lot of states, but you gotta have the hands-free device. but mine broke recently, a year and a half ago. so, i think we all have the same plan for not getting pulled over, right? driving along, talking to your friends, look over, see a cop. [ laughter ] then you got to yell to your friend like, "yo, there's a cop next to me. just hang out for a second, all right?" [ laughter ] same plan? texting and driving is illegal, too. and it should be. because texting and driving is some mind-bending stuff. seriously. because you'll be driving along. you'll be like, "let me just quickly --" [ laughter ] "text my friend here."
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then you look up and you're like, "wow, was i driving that whole time?" [ laughter ] "that was dangerous. geeze." [ laughter ] "because when i looked down, i was on the highway. and now i'm in my garage." [ laughter ] "well, at least it was an important text. 'no, you're a dumbass.'" but i'm not here to talk about texting. i'm here to talk to the ladies. [ cheers ] ladies, do you love romance? [ cheers ] yeah, you should. because it pretty much only benefits you guys. [ laughter ] the whole culture of romance is, like, we just have to do stuff for you. and there's really no end to it either. 'cause, like, we'll take you guys out to dinner, right? and we're going to pay, which, for a guy, is, like, crazy romantic. [ laughter ] but it's not enough. you know how i know it's not enough? because they always let that
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lady in. what lady? the creepiest lady on earth. the flower lady. whenever i see her i'm like, "who let her in? god." "roses for the lady?" [ laughter and applause ] "roses for the lady?" [ laughter ] and i don't mind getting roses for the lady, but my problem is there's nothing for men. there's nothing for men. they come around with roses for the lady but no one's behind her like, "baseball card for the gentleman?" [ laughter ] as a guy, you just get used to like, you know, getting the short end of the stick when it
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comes to romance. like, every commercial is for girls. "give her a december to remember." "a diamond is forever." ♪ every kiss begins with kay ♪ you know why they're all for women? because you can't advertise what guys want. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, like, legally, you're not allowed. [ laughter ] you'll never see a commercial like, "ladies, this holiday season, give him the gift he's waited for all year. a day of silce followed by a three-way with you and your hottest friend." [ laughter ] "followed by more silence." [ laughter ] "only from jc penney." you guys have a fun time. good night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: neal brennan, everybody. more with neal when we come
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back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sounds good. we are back with tracy and neal brennan. neal, a big feature film debut, "the goods: live hard, sell hard." >> yes. which you clearly don't like the title of. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> all right. you've been introducing, like -- piven was on and ken jeong and all these guys. and, all right. here's you introducing piven. i'll go to three. >> jimmy: yeah. >> "okay, our next guest -- >> jimmy: great impression so far, yeah. >> oh, yeah, "i'm jimmy fallon. all right, so our next guest stars in -- he sta in ntourage' as well as the moveie 'the goods: live hard, sell hard'?" >> jimmy: i've never given anything a thumbs down while introducing it. >> "is that really the title?" >> jimmy: no, it's just "the goods -- i would just call it "the goods." >> the first night, if you watch the tape, you were awful. i'm sure you watch the tape a lot.
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>> jimmy: what do you mean? >> no, no, no -- you just were like "live -- what?" >> jimmy: well, you know, i didn't know that, that was -- you kept going with your title. i thought it was just "the goods." it's like, "'the goods: live hard, sell hard,' and if you sell hard you should live hard as you sell." [ laughter ] what is -- >> you're doing it again. this is exactly what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: well, call it "hangover 2." [ laughter ] then everyone -- dude, you've got a lot of funny people in this movie. you got piven, you got craig robinson. >> yep. ed helms. >> jimmy: ed helms. >> from "the hangover." we have ken jeong, the asian gangster from "the hangover." [ scattered applause ] he's hilarious. he's the one, if you saw "the hangover," he's the asian guy with the nude scene. [ light laughter ] and a lot of advocacy groups were mad because they said he set asian people back an inch and a half with that scene. [ audience ohs ] [ rim shot ] >> jimmy: that's what they said? they said it with the drums. they said it with the drum roll. ridiculous. hey, you knothe roots.
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have you ever heard of the roots? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you've heard of them? >> yeah. yes, i worked with these guys on "chappelle's show," which i co-created. no big deal. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: great. give me a break. >> no, no, no please. >> jimmy: he directed "rick james, bitch." >> be cool about it. please. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everyone is cool about it. you're overreacting. [ laughter ] >> so, i know ahmir and james. they used to make songs for the show. so, when you were looking for a band -- >> jimmy: i asked you. >> i said you should hire these guys. and what i didn't know is that they now have a white bass player, which is very exciting. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's been going on for a while. you didn't know that? >> well, no -- >> tracy: that's the rhythm section -- >> that's what -- well, that's what i'm saying. >> tracy: so, the myth isn't true? [ laughter ] >> it speaks to where we are in america that the roots were looking for a bassist and they thought, "where should we go?
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harlem?" "no, let's go to connecticut." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's the baddest. in a good way. the bad -- "the goods: live hard, sell hard. >> shut up. [ light laughter ] [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: now, i just want -- you and tracy are old pals. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you once pitched a movie for -- a vehicle for -- >> me and tracy were in l.a. pitching a movie. now, as you should know, that tracy brings up george lucas and steven spielberg and "star wars," like, twice an hour, generally. [ laughter ] so, me and tracy are waiting -- we're at dreamworks waiting to go in and pitch and you never see, like, people in hollywood. so, i'm talking to tracy. tracy looks over my shoulder and goes, "george lucas and steven spielberg!" [ laughter ] and i'll show you tracy being george lucas -- this is what -- >> tracy: yeah, george was
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walking in. >> so, he goes, "george lucas and steven spielberg. hey!" [ laughter ] "yoda is my father. yoda is my father." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yoda -- you said, "yoda is my father."? >> tracy: yeah. but tell him -- you remember what george lucas said. >> no, tell him what he said. >> tracy: he said, "[ bleep ] get off me!" [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he did not! he did not! there's no way. there is no way. there is no way. >> he may have just thought it, but it was -- >> jimmy: there is no way he said that. >> i think he thought it. >> jimmy: that is insane. [ laughter ] no way george lucas would say that. >> he thought it. >> jimmy: i think you're wrong. >> maybe he didn't even think it. >> tracy: it was a jedi mind trick. [ laughter ] "yoda is my father!" >> jimmy: want to show a clip
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from "the goods: live hard, sell hard"? >> oh, yeah. very quick clip. james poyser is the gay keyboardist -- james poyser, upstairs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the great! >> oh! >> what? >> jimmy: sounds like -- >> great. >> great. yeah, he's the great. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sound like you said something else. >> i literally don't know what you're talking about. [ laughter ] he came -- there's a boy band in the film. they call it man band because they're over 30. and james was like, "neal, i have a song for the man band, and i've done all the choreography. please let me come to l.a. and do the song and the dance thing and i've got a clip of that." it's in the movie. it's ed helms, joey kern and brian callen. >> jimmy: here you go. it's from "the goods: live hard, sell hard." and if you sell hard, you should live hard while living and selling -- [ laughter ] ♪ you are true i'll keep doing it


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