tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC July 6, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- blake lively, from "roadies," actor finesse mitchell, music from a$ap ferg, featuring the 8g band with ray luzier. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers and this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump, this morning, called hillary clinton a world class liar. he added, and i know that because i see her at all the meetings. [ laughter ] do t
today, on what he called the failed policies and bad judgment of hillary clinton. and he's right, her judgment isn't always great but nobody will listen to him because his judgment is so much worse. [ light laughter ] it's like when you get pulled over for doing a 45 in a 35 zone and just when the cop is writing a ticket somebody else races by doing 110 and throwing bags of cocaine out the the window. [ laughter ] every time, that cop is going to say, "i gotta go, just be more careful, ma'am." [ cheers and applause ] anti-trump republicans have reportedly been reenergized by reports that donald trump's campaign is having financial problems, that could lead to an alternative gop nominee. awesome said jeb bush before slipping on a banana peel and falling into a manhole. [ laughter ] bernie sanders, today, told reporters he's not sure if he will be asked to speak at the
upcoming democratic convention. but he does know he won't be asked to speak up. [ light laughter ] [ laughter ] a new york woman has reportedly filed a federal lawsuit against donald trump over claims that he assaulted a minor in the early 1990s. but in donald's defense, kevin mccallister should not have been dicking around the plaza alone. [ laughter and applause ] that's "home alone 2," the best of the "home alone" movies. [ laughter ] burger king has released their new mac-n-cheetos which is warm mac and cheese stuffed inside cheeto's and served in a box. or, for five dollars more, an urn. [ laughter ] and finally, a man in wisconsin was recently convicted of trespassing and disorderly conduct after he allegedly had sex with a co-worker's golden retriever. you can learn more about the case in the upcoming film, "air butt." [ audience ohs ]
[ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from the new film, "the shallows" our friend blake lively is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] she is one stars of showtime's new comedy series "roadies." he's an old colleague of mine, he's a good friend. finesse mitchell is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] also we'll have music, hip hop from a$ap ferg tonight. it's fantastic, i can't wait for you to hear it. [ cheers and applause ] so, as i listed tonight's guests, you may have noticed that donald trump is not a guest on the show tonight. there are two reasons for that. number one, we have banned him from the show in response to him banning "the washington post" from his rallies. [ cheers and applause ] and the second reason donald trump isn't here, is because he has never expressed any interest whatsoever in coming. and in fact, he would not be caught dead here. now we've also been talking on the show about the theory that donald trump might not actually want to be president.
evidence of that. turns out that he hasn't been fundraising, he hasn't hired a full campaign staff and he hasn't even put out a single ad. so, if you remember, last week on the show i offered him a way out. and tonight i want to restate that offer. donald, if you drop out before the convention, nbc will give you a 13 episode series where you play the president of the united states. [ laughter ] this is a series -- this is a series i should note, that nbc in no way approved or even heard about before i mentioned it on the air. [ laughter ] now, in this fictional show, you would be president but on tv without any of the real world consequences. and because it's on nbc, the show will would be based in chicago, and be called "chicago president." [ laughter ] so far we have not heard back from you from our offer. maybe that's because you think it's a joke. this is not a joke. in fact, to entice you to do the show, we've come up with some casting ideas we think you will find exciting.
of course, on "chicago president" you would play you. you'll be great because you're a tremendous actor. bigly, bigly, talented. [ laughter ] so, who would play your first lady? you're gonna want someone gorgeous, sexy, classy and most importantly not age appropriate, so how about megan fox? now megan fox is currently 30 years old, so she'd only play the first lady for the first few seasons. then we'd replace her with someone younger. [ laughter ] speaker of the house paul ryan is someone you've really been at odds with on multiple occasions. he's turning into one of your biggest rivals. he's also well known as a very in-shape, buff guy. but, in "chicago" he will be played by michael cera. [ laughter ] that way, you can bully him by calling him stuff like, little guy or puny paul, you know really show him who's boss. and we all know chris christie wants to be your your vice president in real life but you're not going to pick him. but on "chicago president" you're also not gonna pick him. [ laughter ] instead we got kevin james to play vice president kevin james. [ laughter and applause ]
and you'll love this next one. the show will feature a series of flashbacks to your business career, in which younger you is played by of course bradley cooper. [ laughter ] it will also feature a series of flash-forwards to your second presidential term, in which older you is played by ryan gosling. [ laughter ] you have made it clear that you think isis is a huge threat to our way of life. therefore, just for you, isis will be played by rosie o'donnell. [ laughter ] hillary clinton -- hillary clinton will be played by harrison ford. i know you're probably wondering, why would hillary clinton be played by harrison ford? well, on "chicago president," hillary clinton has been indicted for her e-mails and is a fugitive. [ light laughter ] and finally of course president obama will be there to help you there with the transition. now, i think you're gonna like this. we cast a big name to play obama, and not only that, he's a great actor, five time emmy winner and show business legend bill cosby. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] now if that doesn't make you want to drop out of the race and star in a tv show where you would play the president
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>> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also he's been doing an incredible job on drums with the 8g band this week, from the grammy award winning band, korn. ray luzier, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] beginning in july, check out ray and korn on a u.s. co-headlining tour with rob zombie and look for a brand-new record from the band this fall. thank you so much for being here, ray. such a pleasure. >> thanks for having me here. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you know our first guest from films like "the town" and "the age of adeline." her new movie, "the shallows" opens everywhere this friday. take a look. >> where are you? ♪ [ screaming ] ♪ ♪
>> seth: ah! [ laughter ] please welcome back to the show, blake lively. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? >> seth: good. it's so lovely to see you. >> better than there. clearly. >> seth: yeah, no kidding. you get roughed up in this film. >> i do. you know what sucked is i think they were having budget cuts or something because they didn't hire a stunt double until the last two weeks. >> seth: really? so that - was that you in all of that? >> yeah, it was. and they kept saying -- i said, where's the stunt double? they said, oh, she's on her way back from vacation. it was week six. so maybe we should hire her? but i think w
but actually in that scene, i wish you could show this part again, but i want people to feel my pain. i hit my face on the bouie. that part where i cracked it. >> seth: yeah. >> that really happened. >> seth: oh, wow. >> that wasn't in the script. and then when i swam up and i had this bloody nose, i thought either i'm going to pass out and i'm gonna look like a picaso painting and with a broken nose smeared across my face or i'm gonna have a really badass scene. >> seth: yeah. it turned into a really badass scene. >> yeah. >> seth: did you break your nose or were you alright? [ cheers and applause ] >> no, no, i didn't break my nose. it was bloody. >> seth: okay. >> but i'm so glad. because you know when you get hurt and people don't -- and it hurts a lot worse than it looks. >> seth: yes. >> and you're like, dangit! if you only knew you'd be so impressed. >> seth: so you were happy there was a little blood? >> oh, i was thrilled. >> seth: yeah. >> i wanted like a lot of blood. >> seth: 'cause there are times sometimes when you hit your nose and nobody can see anything and you wanna die. >> yeah, you wanna die. and you want everyone else to see that you look like you are dying. because then they'll be like whoa, you are so tough. e >> seth: you want attention and stuff, right. >> the one on the cheek -- yeah, totally. the one on the cheek was not real. but the bloody nose that was -- that was real. >> seth: all right, well, well done. >> yeah. >> seth: that's great.
there's not a lot of other people in it. >> no. >> seth: it's basically you, a bird, a rock and a shark. [ laughter ] >> you're pitching it very well. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> it sounds a lot like another movie out there right now with a little fish. >> seth: yeah, exactly. and do you find dory in this film? >> actually i finally f'ing found dory. that's why you see this. cause thank god i find -- i don't why they keep losing them. >> seth: yeah, exactly. >> i mean, who is responsible for these fish? >> seth: at some point, the fish are huge. >> yeah, i mean, at some point you have to look at the parenting here. >> seth: yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] >> terrible. it's just terrible parenting. >> seth: now, did -- was it -- i know -- so your husband, ryan reynolds did a film a few years back. >> you said his full name. that was so funny. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, your husband ry-ren. [ light laughter ] >> trigger my memory. okay. oh, him, yes. >> seth: "deadpool." >> yes, yes. >> seth: okay, got it. >> okay. >> seth: so, he did a film a few years back called "buried" where he was just in a coffin the whole film. >> yeah. >> seth: was that something -- when you saw "buried" were you like -- >> you are terrible at pitching movies. that sounds awful. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh i'm sorry, a man tormented with the escaping of a
>> in a world -- >> seth: oh, in a world. >> far away. >> seth: in a box. >> yeah, exactly. don lafontaine voice. no, he was in a coffin the whole time. which was a lot harder, because you never left the coffin. i have this beautiful beach and surfers. two of the top surfers in mexico are the surfers in this movie. my surf double is the number one junior surfer in the world, isabella nichols. >> seth: excellent. >> though my mom still thinks it's me. so mom, i'm sorry if you're watching this. [ laughter ] she thinks i'm amazing, clearly. that'd be very impressive if i had stuff like that up my sleeve. >> seth: you are like, bad news, mom. i'm not the surfer, but it is your daughter who banged her nose on a metal thing. [ laughter ] >> exactly. i mean, if she believes every movie that she's seen of me i have two boyfriends that are drug dealers, i'm, you know, doing crack in boston. >> seth: yeah. it's time for her to learn what acting is. >> yeah. exactly, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: the shark is excellent. but of course that is a cgi shark. >> wait, you're supposed to compliment me and my performance. why are you complimenting the shark? >> seth: i just thought -- i was like -- 'cause i didn't fear like, don't take this the wrong way, i felt like you were giving nothing to the shark. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: and the shark was giving so much in that scene. >> yeah, y
>> seth: yeah. >> yeah, he didn't have a lot of dialogue, but it was all in the eyes. >> seth: yeah, you could see. >> yeah. >> seth: i felt like, you know, you wanna feel what the character wants. >> yeah. >> seth: and i got the sense that shark wants to eat you. [ laughter ] >> yeah, you really do. you know they say a window to the actor's soul is his eyes. >> seth: yeah. >> it's really the teeth with the shark. >> seth: and he was like a little like, he was a little dangerous. you know? [ laughter ] but also, a little bit of a bad boy. you kind of want you guys to end up together. >> yeah, he was naughty but sweet. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. [ light applause ] and you're like playing hard to get, but also you are like, "i'm still in the water." >> yeah, she wants to change him, you know? because he's hunting her. >> seth: yeah, exactly. >> she knows she can change him. >> seth: and that's great. >> she just wants to spend time together. >> seth: because he comes up to eat you and then at the last minute he's like, "or not." >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: "maybe there's something more here." >> yeah, you don't get me. >> seth: i've been eating girls on the first date my whole life. maybe it's time -- [ scattered cheers ] >> wait, no! that's is horrible. you can't say that. take that -- this is television. >> seth: what? no. this is good. leave that in. >> eating. this is like -- [ laughter ] >> seth: no, no, no, leave it in. >> my mother's watching! [ cheers and applause ]
because, of course, you are not with a shark. what is -- >> you just turned this into "the robin byrd show." >> seth: yeah, exactly. >> that's what happened here. >> seth: they're gonna put this on, like, cable access tonight. >> yeah. >> seth: what are you acting with when it's the shark? like, what is going on? >> oh, a lot of it is my imagination. and some of it is an actual seagull, who really liked the taste of my prosthetic wounds. >> seth: oh, okay. >> so he would attack me a lot. >> seth: a real seagull? >> a real seagull was attacking me. i was being attacked by a shark and the seagull's going after my wound the whole time. so that was interesting and then he would hop on my shoulder a lot. it was very strange. and then there was a guy who sometimes put a fin on for water displacement. >> seth: gotcha. >> so when they did the cgi thing. >> seth: and did he work on the movie or did he just show up? [ laughter ] was he just a weird guy? >> you know, i never found out. it was probably just a weird guy. but he was -- >> seth: he was like, hey, blake lively. how's it going? >> exactly. [ light laughter ] was it you? >> seth: it was me. >> it looked a lot like you. >> seth: yeah, thank you. [ laughter ] >> yeah, no, i'm remembering. no, but he would circle me a lot. but i think he would get disoriented because there were all thes
>> and we're doing these long scenes and i'm crying. and i start to cry and go -- [ laughter ] because he's like crashing against the wall. and it's terrible. you don't want to laugh. but it was -- >> seth: yeah. you are allowed to laugh when a guy with a fin on his head is doing anything really. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, exactly. >> seth: i wanna ask, 'cause obviously a film like this, you have to do a lot of press. and you're doing a lot press early in the day. but you dress in fantastic outfits. >> that's a nice way to say you overdress. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: sure. well, you said overdress, because i will say that, like, these are -- this is 7:00 in the morning when you are wearing this going out the door. do people look at you as if that's not a 7:00 in the morning outfit? >> yeah, i think they think i'm just coming home. >> seth: yeah, that a just coming home. all right, good. >> yeah, it's a little alarming. i actually tried the dress on and i was about to leave and ready to go and everyone's like, oh, that's great for your premiere, but what are you wearing now? you're doing radio. and i said, "yeah, i mean, you don't wear like couture and beads to radio?" honestly, like, everyone's like what is your style secrets this time?
top. i'm just looking for whatever will zip. >> seth: yeah. >> i mean that's my style secret. >> seth: you have a baby at home and you have a baby on the way, congratulations. >> what makes you say that? [ laughter ] >> seth: the shark told me. [ laughter ] >> you know, you don't ever to say that to a woman. >> seth: you're not supposed to say that to a woman? >> no, my mom actually went up to someone that she hadn't seen in years, she goes, oh, congratulations and you are so far along! >> seth: oh, no. >> am i? i'm a little bit far along. >> seth: oh no. that's really rough. >> yeah, it was tough. so -- >> seth: how are you -- are you excited, though? i mean to have -- >> yes. you're guessing correctly. this is not brownies. >> seth: whoo! [ cheers and applause ] >> i let you off the hook. but i mean, you just had a baby. >> seth: yeah, i just had one. 3 months old. >> whoa! >> seth: yeah, it's pretty awesome. >> you're in it. >> seth: i'm in it. >> it's crazy. >> seth: but you're about -- the thing that i imagine is truly in it is the second one. because it's taking everything we have to watch one. but you're going to have two. >> yeah. i mean, i feel like at a year
and a half, she's equipped to be baby sitter. >> seth: okay, yeah. [ light laughter ] >> like, we can go out and do date night. >> seth: absolutely. >> and we'll be fine with that. you know, there's this lady on instagram who i used to love to watch. her name was old joy. and she just made having a baby look lovely. everything is white. and she always has a fresh blueberry pie that's steaming and scones and clotted cream and she's reading "old man and the sea." and her little boy was rolly with bonnets, just like sleeping while knitting, you know, little like a -- i mean, it's amazing. i thought this is lovely. and her toddler is giving her reflexology massage. >> seth: yeah. >> what? >> seth: none of that's real. >> my kid is like playing with like explosive devices. i don't know where she's found them. [ laughter ] like sticking it in our dog's ear. i mean, it's just like she already knows how to dry wall because she puts holes in the wall. [ laughter ] i can't even imagine. i don't know what -- >> seth: it is -- there's a lot of stuff. my wife looks at a lot of instagram accounts that are that perfect like, new mother world. and it's cruel. it's cruel and unusual. >> yeah, i went from loving her to wanting to kidnap her, you know, so that she won't post anymore torture for me.
>> it's like, oh, they're sleeping at the same time, what do i do? [ laughter ] what do you do? you high five yourself until you're like just blue in the face. >> seth: yeah. >> you are the greatest parent, ever. >> seth: congratulations on the movie. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: congratulations on expecting. >> thank you. you as well. >> seth: thank you so much. >> thank you. >> seth: such a pleasure to see you. blake livley, everybody. "the shallows" opens in theaters this friday. we'll be right back with finesse mitchell. so good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ our lte coverage. that's right! our coverage stacks up with anybody, including verizon and at&t. and only t-mobile gives you more than just great coverage. now you can stream video and music --free! without touching any of your data. so ditch the other guys. and get great coverage and more with t-mobile. we got you covered. and we won't stop!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back everybody. our next guest tonight is a very funny comedian and actor, who you know from his work on "saturday night live." he's also in the upcoming showtime series, "roadies," which premiers, sunday, june 26th. let's take a look. >> i think you know why i'm here. >> look, i had zero involvement in phil's katrina thing. the minute i discovered defrauding i blew the whistle.
okay, i was involved for a minute. i admit it. easy money. victimless crime. okay, there were victims but, of really bad weather. not me. and then i came to my senses. after my wife threatened to leave me. risking my life, i might add. because in the past phil has killed two people. on purpose. you ever look in his eyes? he got those killer whale eyes. right before they lose it and eat their sea world trainer. >> seth: please welcome to the show, my friend, finesse mitchell. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good to see you buddy. >> good to see you, seth. thanks for having me. >> seth: of course. it's a pleasure. we ran into each other recently, out on the road doing stand up. which is so lovely. >> grand rapids.
rapids, michigan. we worked together for three years. >> yes. >> seth: and it should be noted we're family men now. >> yes. we are. >> seth: we each have a kid. >> yes. >> seth: we used to go out. >> we used to go out. >> seth: we used to go out. >> i use to called him the white finesse. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's right. and just in case, the white finesse is also known as clumsy. [ laughter ] because when we would go out you, finesse, you are a man who has finesse and when i stood next to you, i realize like, oh i'm -- should not talk to women, ever. [ laughter ] >> well, that's true. >> seth: yes. >> everything you just said was true. and -- but one thing i did admire about you during our "snl" days, you used to sleep in your office a lot. >> seth: yeah, i did. >> i mean -- >> seth: you admired that? >> yes. because at first, i said dang, seth is homeless. like what -- [ laughter ] he never goes home. but then like, into my second year and when he got promoted, and i was just like, "oh, he's not homeless, that's just a work ethic." [ laughter ] so that was -- i was just like -- >> seth: i should note at the time, my office was nicer than pa
>> seth: i was working hard but i lived in a crap hole. so it's so good to see you. so this show, "roadies" -- >> yes. >> seth: this is about the people who work to put together the arena shows for a rock band. >> yes. correct. like the behind-the-scenes life of whoever your favorite rock band is. it could be bruce springsteen all the way to beyonce. >> seth: okay. >> but those people who go from city-to-city on a bus, get there early, load in, set up everything and make sure it is perfect so you can have a flawless show. and then load out and get out on time so you don't get fined by the venue and then get to the next city on time. that's what this show is about. looking at your favorite rock group through the eyes of people who never get seen. >> seth: we go on the road and we have to do sound checks as stand-ups, it's a very different world. >> yes. there's no roadies. you check your own mic. [ light laughter ] you clean up your own green room. when you walk in you walk in and you look around and go, i bet kevin hart doesn't get treated like this. [ laughter ]
green room requests. are you as a stand-up, is there something you want to see when you -- when finesse mitchell goes to his dressing room? >> something known as ciroc. >> seth: okay, good. [ laughter ] >> and buffalo wings. [ laughter ] >> seth: again, that's how we're different. because i ask for a sprite. [ laughter ] >> no, i walk in and, you know, i just have one simple request, give me some vodka. >> seth: okay. >> give me some chicken wings. >> seth: okay. >> and give me some celery. in case i feel like being healthy that week. >> seth: okay. gotcha. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> seth: well that's very good. >> yes. >> seth: and now you have mentioned that "snl" for you, was like comedy boot camp. >> yes, absolutely. >> seth: and i've heard you say that before. but you actually worked on a disney show as well. >> yes. >> seth: what is it called, "ant farm." >> "ant farm." >> seth: "ant farm." >> i was a dad on a disney channel show called, "ant farm." >> seth: i've got a photo of you here. there you go on "ant farm." there you go. [ laughter ] for those of you that can't tell, that's finesse. [ laughter ] and -- but you -- i've heard you say now that disney channel
how was that the case? >> well i actually loved it. because the kids were very talented. and when i say talented, uber talented. all my friends would always say, "my kid is cute they should be on disney can you help me?" and i'm like no because your kid is not as talented as the kids i see on the show. >> seth: gotcha. >> so it's great to be cute, but if you can't sing, dance, write calligraphy, and solve -- you know fixes problems. like these are like savant type kids. >> seth: so you were blown away by the disney talent? >> it made me say to myself, all right finesse, if you blow your two lines, you are a punk. like, you are. [ light laughter ] because these kids, not only do they have 20 pages of dialogue to learn, then they leave in the middle of the day, go take an algebra test, come back and then still kill it. and then when it's time to say my line and i go -- can we take it again, you should see the kids looking at you like -- >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] they're like this guy can't remember his lines. [ applause ] smells like vodka and chicken.
>> and the thing about kids is that they're always on point. so, even if you mess up, it's not like it's "snl," where you can say, why you picking on me? horatio is drunk! [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you can't say that. >> seth: no you can't. no. cause those kids are like locked in. >> because the kids are never drunk. >> seth: be a better story if they were. anyway -- >> it would have been a better show too. >> seth: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] have you been watching "ant farm?" those kids are [ bleep ] up! >> i know right. [ laughter ] [ vomit noises ] "hey, dad!" [ laughter ] >> seth: we mentioned, so you got a beautiful baby girl. >> oh yes, i do. >> seth: now how old is your baby girl? [ cheers and applause ] >> yes. thank you very much. thank you. >> seth: just so they don't believe that i'm just making that up. there's -- look at that. [ audience awws ] >> look at those cheeks! >> seth: those are something else. >> look at those cheeks. >> seth: so where -- she's what? a year and a half? >> she's a year and a half. >> seth: so what's -- what's that phase? >> her name is el. what's the phase? >> seth: yeah, what's she going through now? what's she doing? >> let me tell you this -- let me tell this story where i knew i was going to be in trouble. you know. so here's a story where she
>> seth: okay. >> so me, as a dad, happy dad, four months, she's on the bed. and i have my camera, and i'm just trying to take the perfect picture. and i'm staring at the little phone monitor, and i'm sizing it up. and i don't even realize it, but i see it happen in front of me. i see her crawl out of the lens, off the screen. and i'm like, where did she go. and i look around the camera, she falls off the bed. and i go -- [ light laughter ] and i -- and she flips into my hand and i grab her. and i'm like -- [ cheers and applause ] now, i'm looking at her, seth, and all i hear from the other room, is everything all right in there? and i look at her and i'm like -- shh. [ laughter ] and she looks at me like, "i'm a baby, i can't talk yet." [ laughter ] but i was just like, we're going to get along great. you know what i mean? >> seth: i would have been, thank god i caught my son. >> right. >> seth: how did i not get it on camera? [ laughter ] >> right. like why did i move the camera? >> seth: it was right in my hand. >> she's just -- >> seth: what are her words? does she know -- s
>> seth: circle? >> she knows the difference between a circle and an oval. >> seth: wow. >> she goes circle. oval. >> seth: oh that is so helpful. in the job market, >> yes. absolutely. [ laughter ] >> seth: in job interviews that's one of the first questions. >> absolutely. she knows, of course mama, dada. she knows bye. she knows -- >> seth: does she use -- is that an age where people -- kids start saying no a lot? >> she definitely says no. and everything that she knows she's not supposed to touch, i say no. and then i have to say, no, no, no, no, no. and then now i hear her all the time through the house saying, "no, no, no, no, no." [ light laughter ] and nobody is around so i'll sneak into the room and see what's going on and she'll be over by the tool box, where she's not suppose to be. and she's looking at the toolbox she's going "no, no, no, no, no. no, no, no." and then the minute i look and she sees me. i'm like -- and then she'll do this. [ laughter ] and she'll touch it. so, it's one of those things. >> seth: i like -- it sounds like she's a tool box addict who's trying to talk herself, no, if you just have one tool, you're going to be here all day. >> right. right. [ laughter ] where is the hammer. where's the wrench.
she turns around to see who is looking. and then you have to say "no, no, no, no." and then she gets down and then she just walks off, "no, no, no, no, no." so it's just -- she's in that adorable phase. >> seth: we just had father's day, what was your father's day? >> my father's day was taking them to a place called, the grove, in l.a. >> seth: okay, yeah. >> and buying everyone dinner. >> seth: okay. >> and then -- >> seth: as the father you bought everyone dinner. >> as the father. yes. [ light laughter ] and then when i got home, i learned that my father's day gift was a book that the mom bought me to read to the daughter. >> seth: okay. >> yeah. >> seth: so that's nice. but nothing really for you? >> no. [ light laughter ] i mean, i put pictures of flat screens around the house. i put pictures of -- and then i looked at the book and i was like where's the beats by dre? you know it was just -- [ laughter ] >> seth: when they saw the flat screen picture, they just went no, no, no. >> no, no, no, no, no. [ laughter ] go. seth meyers. call back everybody. >> seth: that's a call back. >> that's a call back. [ cheers and applause ] no, no, no. >> seth: have you been enjoying this election? have you been watching the election? >> yes, man. >> seth: yeah.
>> i mean this trump, hillary, bernie thing. >> seth: yeah. >> but especially the trump thing. because we met him. he came on our show. >> seth: he did. >> he hosted -- >> seth: he hosted a while back. >> he's a great guy. at the "snl" 40th i saw him on the red carpet. and i was like, i wonder if he remembers me. and i tapped him, i was like donald. he was like finesse! i was like holy crap. and this was before he decided he was running. >> seth: that's right it was just about -- >> so this was just normal donald. >> seth: four months before. yeah. >> so i was like, hey, man. we hugged. i said donald man, it's so cool that you know, you still remember me. he's like of course finesse. and this is how cool donald was, he was like you know steven? i turn around steven spielberg walks up. and i was like hey steven. [ light laughter ] and then -- and then -- and then he's like hey donald. hey finesse. and i was like you know me? [ laughter ] he was like "yeah finesse, i love your work." and then i was like, well why you ain't never put me in nothing, man?" [ laughter and applause ] i like dinosaurs. i like -- >> seth: that's funny you did it because, now so j.j. abrams and cameron crow are doing "roadies." and -- so you're on set with j.j. abrams. >> man, it's so exciting to be on set witso
talented but like a bazillionaire and -- >> seth: yeah. >> and he can change your life. >> seth: yes. >> and i mean it's j.j. abrams -- >> seth: and a really nice guy. >> he super nice -- so humble. you wouldn't know that he catches a helicopter to chipotle. you wouldn't know that. [ laughter ] you know? but it's like j.j. -- and now it's to the point where he sees me coming and he's like, "oh, here comes finesse." cause i'm always pitching him for the next "star wars." and i'm like -- >> seth: you want to be in the next "star wars" movie? >> i want to be on the next anything, "star wars," "star trek," "star search" anything. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> so, but i'm like j.j. how about lando calrissian has a little nephew named finesse calrissian. [ laughter ] and he pretends to write it down. got it. finesse calfrissian. and then he gets in his chopper and flies away. >> seth: now tell us where you're going to be doing stand-up. where can we catch you? >> hey, this saturday, i am at the hollywood improv in los angeles. so if you're in he l.a. area on melrose ave., 8:00 p.m., saturday. come to the improv. 8:00 p.m. show. come check out finesse mitchell man. >> seth: so great to see you as always buddy. >> thank youy
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what is it, ben? >> seth, i need your help! >> seth: what's wrong, buddy? >> my parents are here tonight. >> seth: okay, that's great! >> no, no, it's terrible. no, that's really bad. they're really disappointed in me for going into comedy. >> seth: well, you know, i'm sorry to hear that. but, i'm not sure how i can help. >> well, i wanted them to be proud of me, so i might have, uh, like exaggerated my role on the show just a little bit. [ light laughter ] i just need you to back me up. >> seth: well, what did you do? did you tell them you're the head writer or something? [ light laughter ] the producer? the director? ben, what do your parents think you do here? >> i told them i'm the host. >> seth: all right, all right. [ laughter ] ben, your parents think you're the host of this show? >> yeah. >> seth: your parents think you host "late night with seth meyers?" >> yeah, yeah.
you are the host of a show with that title? >> i told them that i changed my name to "late night." >> seth: oh, man. [ laughter ] >> i'm really sorry, seth. i never thought they'd actually come to a taping. but now they're right outside. can you just let me host the next segment? please. come on. >> seth: well, wait. if they think you're the host, who do they think i am? >> my sidekick. >> seth: what? [ laughter ] >> "late night with seth meyers." >> seth: all right, you know what? >> come on, seth. come on, scoot over. man, come on, please. >> seth: all right, fine. >> okay. >> seth: just this once. >> thank you. you're the best. thank you, thank you. bring them in. bring them in. >> oh! hey, looks like we get the best seats in the house. >> it's because our son is the host. [ light laughter ] >> read the line. >> seth: what? >> read the line! >> seth: all right. and now the man you've all been
butts, it's the host of "late night with seth meyers" because i'm just the sidekick. give it up for mr. late night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> whew! [ cheers and applause ] wow! wow! wow! wow! beautiful crowd. beautiful crowd. beautiful crowd. [ laughter ] wow. wow. wow. hear this? everybody seems to be talking about the news. talk about the news lately. you hear the news? there's this news that today is national wine day. yeah. national wine day. but my sidekick whinesry
am i right? [ laughter ] please? [ laughter ] >> seth: you got me pegged. [ laughter ] >> i got him pegged. hello. all right. so, how about this? president obama, you hear about this man? >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> you know president obama? >> seth: heard of him. yeah. >> president obama? >> seth: yep. >> obama recently transferred 24 detainees as he continues to close guantanamo bay. now if we could only get this mouth breather to close his mouth when he chews. oh, come on! [ light laughter ] >> seth: i have poor manners. [ laughter ] >> understatement of the year, you freaking idiot. >> seth: hey. ♪ >> whew! gotta love me. [ light laughter ] hey. >> seth: what? >> gotta love me. >> seth: what did you say? >> gotta love me. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh sorry.
"gotta love me?" [ laughter ] >> you think a guy who's been my sidekick for 14 years now would really know the lines. [ laughter ] ain't that right, lame brain? >> seth: they think you've been doing this 14 years? >> shh! [ laughter ] okay, so next joke. a rabbi, a priest and seth over here, walk into a bar. >> seth: oh, just stop. i don't want to hear this one. [ light laughter ] >> please. come on, look at my parents. would you look at them, would you look how proud they are. look how proud they are of little ben. >> seth: yeah, yeah, fine. alright, so a priest, a rabbi, and seth meyers walk into a bar. what did the bartender say? >> that's right, they walked into the bar. and they said -- the priest and rabbi said -- >> seth: oh, no, you're doing it wrong. [ light laughter ] >> the priest says to the rabbi, he says what are you doing here with this idiot? [ light laughter ]
hello. ♪ [ laughter ] >> seth: no, don't. the bartender would say that, not the priest and the rabbi. >> oh, okay. >> seth: you don't have three people walk into a bar and then not have the bartender have the punch line. >> uh, i'm sorry. do they like -- >> seth: you'd just be walking down the street. it's a really bad joke, ben. >> so i guess -- i guess that they let sidekicks talk now. is that right? >> seth: ben! >> tonight is a special night here at "late night." [ light laughter ] my wife is in the audience. >> seth: oh, really? >> yeah. everybody say hi. say hi, everybody. >> seth: okay. [ cheers and applause ] so it's safe to assume you told your parents you are married to an astronaut? >> oh, yeah an astronaut. >> seth: what are you going to tell them next, you have a baby? >> oh, can i borrow your baby. [ laughter ] >> seth: no. [ laughter ] >> alright, i did. but it's okay. i want to say one last thing, i wanna thank my mom and my dad
i couldn't do what i do without them. i'd do anything to make you proud. mom, dad, i love you. >> love you, too, son. >> we are so proud. >> seth? thanks. you are a great boss and a great friend. >> seth: you're welcome, buddy. >> alright. stay tuned for our new segment, i kick seth in the balls. >> seth: no. >> we'll be right back with a$ap ferg. bow. bow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪
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performing his smash hit "new level" please welcome to the show, a$ap ferg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ a$ap a$ap one two one two three hey i'm on a new level i'm on a new level ♪ ♪ i'm on a new level i'm on a new level bought me a new shovel put these haters in the ♪ ♪ dirt chain with the new bezel all my people put in work i'm on a new level ♪ ♪ i'm on a new level i'm on a new level i'm on a new level bought me a new shovel ♪ ♪ put these haters in the dirt chain with the new bezel nyc put in work ♪
♪ used to be sleeping on itchy beds bed bugs in the motel now your chick give me ♪ ♪ give me twenty tickets in the hotel on a ramen noodle diet tour life wasn't so well ♪ ♪ all my haters starting riots moshpitting on your toenails uncle t doing so well ♪ ♪ first class from a old jail t ferg did fifteen in the feds gettin no mail ♪ ♪ my daddy died and my cousin too they didn't let them out of no cell ♪ ♪ provide jobs for my whole block i cannot slow down man i won't stop now mothaeffa this is my town ♪ ♪ take the block make it hot now 143rd with the drop down icy chain with the watch ♪ ♪ now third piece full of rocks now haters squint when they ♪ ♪ watch now leveling up to the top now i'm on a new level i'm on a new level ♪ ♪ i'm on a new level i'm on a new level bought me a new shovel put these haters in the ♪
chain with the new bezel all my haters put in work i'm on a new level ♪ ♪ i'm on a new level he on a new level we on a new level bought me a new shovel ♪ ♪ put these haters in the dirt chain with the new bezels all my peoples put in work ♪ ♪ daddy looking down i know he see me blowin' up my grandma would be so proud up in heaven, yamborgini ♪ ♪ know my brother see me i'ma make my bro proud tell his mama i'ma take her outta work ♪ ♪ know that i'ma hold my bros down asap 'til a killa die you didn't know ♪ ♪ well you know now i gotta get in my zone now i gotta get in my zone now only a couple-a more down ♪ ♪ momma gon' get a new home now ♪ ♪ teach marty baller how to be a boss so none of us ever go broke now ♪ ♪ i'ma bring you to the water swim hey i cannot bring you the boat now ♪ ♪ i'm on a new level i'm on a new level i'm on a new level i'm on a new level ♪
put these haters in the dirt chain with the new bezel ♪ ♪ all my people put in work i'm on a new level he on a new level she on a new level ♪ ♪ i'm on a new level bought me a new shovel put these haters in the dirt chain with the new bezel ♪ ♪ seth meyers put in work ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: a$ap ferg! the album, "always strive and prosper" is out now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to blake lively, finesse mitchell, a$ap ferg everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ray luzier, and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> carson: hey what's happening? this is the skyroom in new york city. u're watching "last call" and i'm carson