tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC December 31, 2016 10:00pm-11:00pm EST
>> happy new year! >> love you, my hoda woman. >> love you, too, baby! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers" new year's eve special. tonight -- jennifer lawrence -- arnold schwarzenegger -- leslie jones -- music from kelly clarkson -- featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. happy new year. we're very excited. we've got incredibly special guests for you tonight. we are in a festive mood. mostly because we are here in
and mel b are outside freezing in times square. here's a shot of times square right now. there it is, look at them partying it up. [ light laughter ] so, so cold while we're so warm. we've got great guests for you tonight. joining us, star of a great new film "passengers" jennifer lawrence is here this evening. [ cheers and applause ] also, she is one of our dear friends. you know her from "saturday night live," leslie jones is in the building. [ cheers and applause ] and -- i've been bestowed a great honor because i've apparently been invited to a new year's eve party with the host of nbc's the new "celebrity apprentice," the one and only arnold schwarzenegger. [ cheers and applause ] looking forward to checking that out and we will have music from kelly clarkson so it's a tremendous evening -- [ cheers and applause ] -- to be here. now as 2016 comes to a close, we thought it best to start our show the way we a
with "a closer look back at 2016 -- the year in politics." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: as we know 2016 ended with donald trump telling everybody to except the election results and get over it. but 2016 started with donald trump refusing to except election results and not getting over it. it being his loss in the iowa caucus tweeting ted cruz didn't win in iowa, he stole it. [ light laughter ] although trump's complaints were helped by the fact that ted cruz's campaign genuinely did do some shady things in iowa. including telling voters that ben carson had dropped out when in fact he had just dropped into a coma-like nap. [ light laughter ] and in another moment that would seem absurd before 2016, cruz and carson had a tense meeting to clear the air over cruz's tactics in a very unlikely location.
>> cbs news has confirmed candidates ted cruz and ben carson had a private meeting last night inside a storage closet. >> it's not so weird that they met but where they met. inside of a closet. >> i think they're calling this the closet summit. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sure they're not the first closeted republicans. just the first to do it literally. [ light laughter ] of course, that would have been the craziest thing to happen during the primaries if it hadn't been topped by another 2016 first. two candidates, including the future president of the united states and his future housing secretary getting stuck in a hallway. >> dr. ben carson. [ applause ] [ cheers ] businessman donald trump. [ applause ] >> florida senator marco rubio.
[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: ben carson is amazing. first he's in a closet, then he's in a hallway. and now he's in the cabinet. [ light laughter ] ben carson is like that tennis racket you keep meaning to take to goodwill. meanwhile on the democratic side, things also began much as they ended. with a weaker than expected hillary clinton underperforming in a midwestern state against an outsider populous originally from new york. >> new poll numbers just released within the last hour show bernie sanders pulling ahead of hillary clinton in iowa. >> younger voters really are flying to bernie sanders over hillary clinton. >> clinton's lead is evaporating, and anxious democrats see 2008 all over again. >> seth: that's right, it was 2008 all over again except instead of going up against this -- >> three pointer. >> seth: hillary had to contend
[ light laughter ] >> seth: no wonder she didn't think she had to guard him. voters were drawn to bernie's economic populous in an anti-establishment rhetoric as well as his ability to summon birds the same way aquaman can talk to fish. >> this little bird doesn't know it. oh -- [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that bird was probably just flying by with his buddies and went "hey, that's the guy who always throws us bread crumbs in the park." [ laughter ] although in a year of outsider candidates and a chaotic election that could be explained by dozens of different factors. it think bernie's unlikely success could be summed up by this great line from the rapper killer mike. >> how does a rapper end up supporting senator sanders? >> um -- smoking a joint and reading his tweets. >> seth: there you go. [ laughter ] it's not any more complicated than that. it's no wonder bernie connected so well with young people. hillary, wanna take a shot at winning over some young voters? >> i don't know who created
pokemon go -- but i'd try to figure out how we get them to have pokemon go to the polls. >> seth: mom! [ laughter ] ugh -- meanwhile, as the republican primary proceeded through the spring, trump was steam rolling through a fractured gop field. and as he did, his remaining opponents stepped up to take their shot like marco rubio. >> he's flying around on hair force one and tweeting -- >> i go back and i see him with makeup and it's like he's putting it on with a trowel. >> trump likes to sue people. he should sue whoever did that to his face -- >> he has really large ears. the biggest ears i've ever seen. >> have you seen his hands? they're like this. and you know what they say about with small hands -- [ audience ohs ] you can't trust them. >> seth: it's like watching a raba
stewart and michael buble. [ laughter ] but this of course gave us another one of those moments that would've been inconceivable before 2016. a future president bragging about the size of his penis on national television. >> he hit my hands. nobody has ever hit my hands. i've never heard of this one. look at those hands, are they small hands? and he referred to my hands if they're small, something else must be small. i guarantee you there's no problem, my guarantee. >> seth: and i'd released the full size details but currently, my penis is being audited by the i.r.s. [ light laughter ] eventually, as trump wrapped up the nomination, we saw the reemergence once again of the issue that became a media obsession and would haunt hillary through november. summed up by the one word she probably mutters in her sleep at night. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails. >> emails.
>> emails. >> seth: which explains why hillary now lives in the woods and only communicates via tree mails. [ light laughter ] and then came -- [ light laughter ] and then came the conventions. the gop convention had everything. from trump entering the hall like e.t. returning to earth -- [ laughter ] to an awkward on stage air kiss between trump and his running mate mike pence -- [ laughter ] to the future president pronouncing the acronym lgbtq like he was reading it for the first time. >> l.g.b.t.q. >> seth: he sounds like he's ordering a sandwich at a diner. [ laughter ] "i'll take the l.g.b.t. -- you know what, throw some q on there too. [ light laughter ] i love quacomole." [ light laughter ] somehow the democratic convention managed to start on an even more chaotic note with raucous protests, amped up celebrities, and a fully grown woman having her mind blown by
[ laughter ] but as crazy as the conventions were, they were soon out done by the debates which introduced hit new dance moves like donald trump's the lurk. >> that was the slot that the obamacare approach was to take. >> seth: and hillary clinton's the shimmy. >> whoa, okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: the final weeks of the campaign saw trump somehow manage to whether a slew of controversies and scandals. only to see hillary hit by her own october surprise. the f.b.i.'s announcement that they had found more of her emails on anthony weiner's laptop. the email surprise was so exasperating that when he found out anthony weiner was the source of it, it literally broke joe biden. >> i don't know where this email -- where those emails came from -- what -- >> apparently anthony weiner. >> well, oh god -- [ laughter ] anthony weiner. >> seth: and it is not easy to break joe biden. that is a man who spends 40% of his life riding amtrak. [ light laughter ]
after all, trump appointed this guy to be his secretary of housing and urban development. >> in order for our country to be great again, every aspect has to be great including our inner cities. >> and we just saw mr. trump here. i asked him "how did it go." and he said, "great." and he said he learned a lot of things. what do you think you took away from today? >> my luggage. [ light laughter ] hold on. >> okay. looks like dr. carson is gonna find his luggage and he'll be right back with us. >> seth: i left it in a hallway -- or a closet. [ light laughter ] in the immortal words of joe biden -- >> oh god. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look back at 2016." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we'll be right back with jennifer lawrence everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ for me, it all began with a boy. his name was ethan. bailey, bailey, bailey, bailey. my name was bailey, bailey, bailey, bailey. we spent every day together.
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oh, it's like my father always told me -- "put that down. that's expensive." of course i save people an average of nearly $600, but who's gonna save me? [ voice breaking ] and that's when i realized... i'm allergic to wasabi. well, i feel better. it's been five minutes. talk about progress. [ chuckles ] okay.
>> no one i'd rather be with. >> seth: thank you! i'm so honored, that you, this giant movie star, would spend new years with me. [ laughter ] of all things. >> you know how lonely we are. >> seth: yeah exactly. [ laughter ] i hope you don't mind. i brought us some wine. >> ooh, thank you. >> seth: 'cause it's new years eve. it's not -- [ cheers and applause ] >> it's real, right? >> seth: yeah, it's real. 'cause you and i would never drink wine at three in the afternoon on a monday. but it's new years eve. [ laughter ] >> no, would never! >> seth: never. >> not in -- december. [ laughter ] >> seth: no, exactly. i would never do that. so, is this a holiday that you like, new years eve? >> i hate it. >> seth: are there holidays that you do like? [ laughter ] i just want to set a base-line. >> i hate christmas, i hate -- no, i hate new years. i feel like everybody's chasing a good time. so i ran here. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm just gonna settle. i'm just gonna plan on settling. >> no one'll ever think to find me here. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you ever, have you ever had one where you actually caught the good time? >> no.
like, a kiss on new years. [ audience aws ] i don't think i've ever -- oh, poor me. [ laughter ] >> seth: 'cause you crush it on like, january 2nd, january 3rd, january 4th -- >> new years is, i try to rehabilitate. >> seth: no, i feel like i've never had that incredibly romantic thing that we are all taught at a young age, you have on new years. >> no. "when harry met sally" it totally ruined new years for me -- >> seth: everything. >> for the rest of my life. >> seth: it ruined that, and delis. [ laughter ] so i wanna ask this. that scene's a fantastic scene in this terrific movie. you had -- obviously as a stunt. is that a difficult stunt, being in your swimming pool there? >> yeah, they're all difficult. i hate them. i hate stunts. >> seth: you don't like doing stunts. >> no. after "hunger games" i was like, "screw it." i'm not gonna be like, that actor that's like, "i can do all my own stunts!" [ laughter ] i'm like, no. i will be in my trailer if you don't absolutely need me. >> seth: gotcha. >> and i'm scared. i worry about my safety. i'm paranoid. so this was, you know, bad for
me. 'cause i was in a tank for twelve hours a day. so you're like, i can't pee 'cause i'm gonna be in this tank. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, 'cause then you're in your own -- >> and then eventually i'm like, "okay i'm gonna pee." and then you're just in your own misery. 'cause you're like, "i'm in my pee." [ laughter ] >> seth: do you think the crew knows? do you think they can tell the moment? >> i'm surprised people didn't quit that week. [ laughter ] i'm just so pure evil. i'm just not good with stunts. i was doing this -- it's not even a stunt. i was doing a movie where someone was gonna punch their arm through candy glass. and i was like, "yeah, but the candy-glass could still get in my eye, ah!" and then i like, freaked out and pictured it jabbing in my eyes. [ laughter ] >> seth: did you -- the thing that would stress me out the most -- are you a good swimmer? because beyond the stunt, you have to swim on camera. >> i don't know. am i? >> seth: i thought you looked good. >> thank you. i think i look like a bloated body-builder, but thank you. [ laughter ] >> seth: no. [ laughter ] no, but any time i had to do anything physical on camera, i felt like i looked like a person who'd never done it before.
would be in my head about, "oh i don't know how to swim." even though i think i do. i think i'd look like person trying to swim the way you're supposed to swim on camera. >> yeah. you had that, my friend messed me up one time. she was on set, and she was like, "what do you do with your hands?" and i was like, "[ bleep ]." [ laughter and applause ] they called action and i was like -- [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: they put it in your head! >> yeah. i'd never thought of it before. >> seth: so we have a similarity. we are dog owners. we're pretty intensely passionate dog owners. >> yeah, if you're not crazy i don't know if we'll have anything to talk about. >> seth: i'm pretty crazy about my dog. but you want to clear something up about your dog. >> my dog's name, thank you -- is, contrary to what "vanity fair" wrote -- >> seth: oh, my goodness. >> not pippi longstocking. her name is
[ laughter ] pippi was so upset. >> seth: oh, no. well, yeah, because then obviously she has a lot of questions of, "are you my real mom?" >> i got a call from her publicist. [ laughter ] >> seth: so you and the dog have different publicists? [ laughter ] but you are -- >> crazy. i'm nuts. [ laughter ] is this a normal way to sit? i'm doing it again. >> seth: how do you sit, in talk shows? [ laughter ] do people know right away that you're crazy about your dog? are there signs? >> if you walk into my home, i have an acrylic painting above my fireplace. but other than that -- >> seth: of the dog? [ laughter ] >> yeah, of my dog. >> seth: did the dog sit for it, or did you give the artist a picture? >> i gave her a picture that my dog did sit for. but we -- >> seth: we took our dog for an actual photoshoot. and the pet-photographer said, "it's better if you're not here." >> there are pet-photographers? >> seth: there are pet photographers. i had to leave for an hour and just leave my dog with a stranger. >> what? oh, i would never. >> seth: and the photos are fantastic. [ laughter ] my dog came alive without me there. >> oh my god, i would never. >> seth: you would never leave your dog even alone? >> no, i took her to the vet one time. and they kept wanting to take
allowed back there." and i was like -- [ screaming wildly ] [ laughter and applause ] like, oh my god. i was -- they were like, "ma'am you have to be quiet. you're scaring the cats and dogs." [ laughter ] >> seth: and then they tricked you into eating a pill by putting peanut butter on it. [ laughter ] >> yeah, they were like, "do you like, peanut butter? it's got an aftertaste but i like it." pratt and i were doing an interview. and since i'm crazy, this person who was also crazy but i understood him. but we were doing an interview and he was like, "your character, jim, in the movie. is a problem solver, like a jack russel." and pratt was like, "like a jack russel terrier?" and he was like, "yes, they're problem solvers." and pratt is looking at him appropriately. like, you have five minutes to interview us and you're talking about your jack russel, dog. i'm looking at him like, "mm-hmm. i know my dog can solve a puzzle." [ laughter ] >> seth: if it ever presented itself. >> if i ever needed her to. >> seth: you, i heard a story that your assistant --
was a fill in assistant. >> she's on her way here right now. >> seth: well, it's new years, of course. >> she's gonna bust in. well, happy new years. [ laughter ] i had, my friend filled in for me during intermittent assistants. and she changed all my passwords in emails to "cat dildos." [ laughter ] >> seth: plural, she went plural. >> cat dildos. [ laughter ] there's a lot of things in my life that are still cat dildos. >> seth: right. >> well, not now. [ laughter ] that stays here. >> seth: so i'm at dinner. i'm at a business dinner. i don't really know these people very well. and my phone rings, and i see it's my alarm system. and so i'm like, "i'm sorry i have to take this. hello? yes. it's cat dildos." [ laughter ] and i hung up, they were like, "who was that?" >> seth: yeah, what are the other potential sides of that call? "hi it's amazon, we need th
[ laughter ] >> cat dildos. yeah. "what is your favorite compound word?" [ laughter ] >> seth: it's actually my safe word, cat dildos. [ laughter ] it's really helpful i find. just to have one that's fun. thank you so much for making the time for us on new years eve. you still have time to race out and see the ball drop, you know. >> yeah, yeah yeah. i'll be there. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay great, we'll keep an eye out for you. thank you so much for being here, always a pleasure. jennifer lawrence everybody! "passengers "is in theaters now. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night" everybody. were here at 30 rock, and we want to check in now with carson and mel b. down at time square. >> hey, seth, everybody, it's carson mel b. the calm before the ball dropping storm. >> my heart is pounding. i'm super super excited. >> i'm excited you're my co-host, you've never been here for the ball drop. >> i'm having a
>> we have a great show coming up on nbc. i think we've deng a fine job getting music. blake shelton is going to perform. >> j. lo is going to perform. >> alicia keys. >> we'll be looking back at some of the most outrageous moments. and you're going to see president-elect trump and hillary clinton make out right here in times square. >> oh, that can't be true, but thanks, guys, good to see you. [ laughter ] new years -- you guys, new years is always special, but this one is particularly exciting, because i, this year, i for the very first time, have been invited to arnold schwarzenegger's new years eve party. normally, i would tell him, hey i have to work. i'm doing a show new years eve. but it's arnold schwarzenegger, and i have heard tell, that this party, his party, is an incredibly fun event. so i cannot pass it up. plus, it's right upstairs in the rainbow room, so i'm gonna go check it out. so, if you will excuse me, i'll be right back.
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> hey seth. over here. >> seth: hey. >> hi. >> seth: hi, arnold. uh, am i -- am i early? >> no, not at all. matter of fact you're a little late. >> seth: oh. where's everybody else? >> it's just us. you see, every new years eve i invite one person for the exact purpose of getting to know them better. see if we have all these people around with the yippity-yappity, you never really get to know anybody. >> seth: oh, wow. and you picked me, it's an honor. who did you invite last year? >> we don't talk about last year. li
hey, uh, cheers, to having you on the nbc team. were so happy to have you on board. >> thank you. well, so tell me, what do you do on your show? >> seth: oh, well, our show is a lot of jokes, and sketches, and then a couple of celebrity guests. >> just a couple? hmm, so it's a little show? well, because "celebrity apprentice" is a huge show. i mean, you have like, 16 celebrities, and then you give them tasks, and bid them against each other. >> seth: wow, you sound very excited to be the new host of "celebrity apprentice." >> what do you mean "new host?" was there anyone else hosting before me? >> seth: yeah, donald trump. >> trump? wait a minute -- then, i can be president too? [ light laughter ] >> seth,
>> and trump was? >> seth: yeah, where did you think he was born? >> outer space. [ light laughter ] >> i think i'm going to get another drink. >> good idea. and while you're at it, get me another pig. >> whisky rocks. >> are you enjoying the party mr. myers? >> yes. i thought there would be more guests here. does he really only invite one person? >> yes, sir. >> who did he invite last year? >> we don't talk about that, sir. >> what about the year before? >> we don't talk about that. >> are you guys talking about previous years? >> no. >> remember the rules, no talking about it. >> sir, i suggest you just enjoy
napkin. >> you know what, you're right, why do i care who was here last year. i was invited to arnold schwarzenegger's new year's eve party. i'm going to enjoy this evening and this fantastic cocktail. >> and your fantastic cocktail napkin, sir. >> you know what, whatever. >> oh, you're back? >> you want to see something cool? >> y talk about the joke where i said, bubble gum and it's actually your testicles? >> no, i was going to show you a champagne trick. >> all right. >> oh, i am so sorry. i am so sorry.
wait, you can really do that? >> oh, yeah. you want to hear my secret how i stay young? >> sure. mine's make-up. >> well, i invite one person every new year's eve and talk to them like you, and then i suck the life out of them. i use it for myself to gain power and energy. i've been doing this for 200 years. oh, my god, well, i feel terrible for whoever you picked this year. oh, my god, it's me. >> seth, it is time. >> no, please, i have a son. take him. >> happy new year. >> excuse me, mr. schwarzenegger. i hate to have to do this. but it's 10:30, and i have to get the next party in. >> it's already 10:30? >> you booked a new year's space but only until
>> i hate to stay out late. >> 10:31. >> all right, all right. >> okay, well, i guess i'll go finish my show? >> all right, i guess we all have to go. sorry that i couldn't terminate you. we try again next year? >> yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. >> hey, seth. >> yeah! >> i think i sat in bubble gum. >> fantastic. i looked right at his testicles. [ cheers and applause ] >> wow! i really dodged a bullet with that one. we'll be right back with leslie jones, everybody. hi, i'm paul and by now you might know me as the guy who switched to sprint because
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my new years resolution is to lose ten pounds and give them back to charles barkley. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band spending their new year's eve with us. [ cheers and applause ] our next is a comedian and actress you know from her work on "saturday night live," and the films "ghostbusters" and "sing." please welcome back to the show, one of our all-time favorites, leslie jones, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: hi, leslie! >> hi, baby! >> seth: i'm really excited. it's new years eve. >> yay! >> seth: these are -- this is a leslie jones treat. this is leslie jones approved. this is a peach bellini. es
[ light laughter ] >> seth: and i wanted to make sure we had a drink you liked -- >> oh, that's good! >> seth: it is good. last time you were here, we did a cooking segment together. [ laughter ] >> and you're still working? >> seth: this is -- uh, yeah. so you -- we were -- made a cocktail by a wonderful chef that was gin and green juice. >> it was so nasty. [ light laughter ] >> seth: now, if you -- by the way, i did not need to hear you say that because we could all tell that's what you thought. [ light laughter ] first of all, here you are right before you tried it. look how unhappy you are before you tried it. [ laughter ] here you are trying politely trying to hide how you felt about it. [ laughter ] and here you are moments later, still affected. [ laughter ] how was your 2016? did you have a good 2016? >> awe, it was -- it was a great year. >> seth: you had -- >> but it was a nasty year. >> seth: there was some nastiness >> up and down. >> perpetrated against you? >> yeaut
>> seth: you got to go to rio. you were at the olympics. how was that? >> man -- man, it was off the chain. it was -- it's like, everyone should get to do it. because just to see it in person is nothing like on tv, i'm telling you. it's like bright lights, athletes, sweat, competition. [ laughter ] >> seth: all that stuff is on tv as well. i -- [ laughter ] >> no, no, no. not the same way, man. the track and field? my eyes was like this the whole time. i'm at the track and field like -- [ light laughter ] usain bolt, he really is fast, yo. [ laughter ] like they could -- they was trying so hard. their face was like -- [ light laughter ] and usain was just like -- [ laughter ] >> seth: it must be something to be as good as he is and know the whole world is coming at him and he's so -- he looks so confident. >> he's the -- he's jamaican, you know jamaicans are some cool cucumbers, right? >> seth: yeah, that's true. i tried to think of the last time i saw a stressed out jamaican, but yeah -- >> never! [ light laughter ] >> seth: i know -- this isn't really a regret of 2016 but i know one of the things you said is that a goal, maybe moving
to be in the next "deadpool" movie. >> oh my god, you read that? >> seth: i did. >> awe, man, i -- first of all, ryan reynolds is got to be one of the finest pieces of -- specimen. [ cheers ] blake -- blake -- you are so lucky, but blake is bad too, you know what i'm saying, like i bet today. i bet -- i wonder if they compare their badness to each other. like maybe i'm hotter than you today, you know? [ light laughter ] >> seth: it's true. they're at the top of their game. >> yeah, and but -- on top of that, he's hilarious. >> seth: yeah, he's great. >> in "deadpool," i would love to be just the sidekick just feeding him back the lines. it would just be so funny. >> seth: do you want to have a power of any sorts when you're in the "deadpool" movie? >> i just want to be loud. >> seth: okay, gotcha. [ light laughter ] >> i mean just -- everybodies' clothes just come off of them, you know? [ laughter ] >> seth: i feel like they could fit that in. i feel like they could fit that in. all right, stick around. we're going to be right back and talk some more aboou
new years eve more. with -- after this, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ for more new years eve music, be sure to head over to nbc.com. but that doesn't mean we're giving up. i'm in this for me. for me. along with diet and exercise, farxiga helps lower blood sugar in adults with type 2 diabetes, lowering a1c by up to 1.2 points. do not take if allergic to farxiga. if you experience symptoms of a serious allergic reaction such as rash, swelling, difficulty breathing or swallowing, stop taking and seek medical help right away. do not take farxiga if you have severe kidney problems, are on dialysis, or have bladder cancer. tell your doctor right away if you have blood or red color in your urine, or pain while you urinate. farxiga can cause serious side effects including dehydration, genital yeast infections in women and men, serious urinary tract infections,
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sport nightlife nightlife (both) fashion adventure i'm tellin' ya, britain is the only place you really need go. expedia. everything you need to travel britain better. this year i'm going to work on making my eye contact more warm and less intense. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, we're here with leslie jones. leslie. >> oh, i love her. >> seth: i hope everybody knows this about you. not only you're an "snl" cast member you are an accomplished standup. and you're gonna be doing some shows here in new york city, at caroline's. >> yes. >> seth: february 23rd to the 25th? >> yeah. >> seth: everybody in the city should come check that out. >> definitely. >> seth: definitely. did you ever do -- did you ever do standup on new year's eve? >> that's all i did. it's so weird, now.
my life. because all the holidays were work days. >> seth: yeah. >> we worked on christmas. we worked on thanksgiving. that's when comedians work. because that's when the have the shows. >> seth: yeah. >> so every new year's i worked. every new year's. >> seth: i one year did an 8:00 and a 10:00. the 8:00 crowd was great, and the 10:00 crowd was wasted. >> they're throwing stuff at you. >> does anyone have the nerve to heckle leslie jones? >> the only really rich white men. >> really? rich white men want to get into it with leslie jones? >> i guess they feel they have a lot of money. >> do they regret it after the fact? >> i hand them their ass, yes. i'll be like, here's your ass sir. [ cheers and applause ]
real quick, let's check in down at times square with our friends carson and mel b. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you, seth, things are starting to heat up in times square, there's over a million people, they're ready to watch the ball drop, and getting ready for their midnight kiss. there's a lot of pressure for that midnight kiss. mel b. and myself are going to have people rehearse their kisses right here for you. >> i have vance and lynn. how long have you been together? >> eight years. >> are you married or together? >> soon. >> i want to see what your new year's eve kiss looks like. that was kind of aggressive. let's see if you can match that over here. >> where are you from? >> scott land. >>
midnight. it's an american tradition. let's see how the scottish kiss at midnight. >> mel b. back to you. >> what are your names? >> sandy, loretta. >> how long have you been together? >> 16 years. >> you were telling me this is on your bucket list? >> our bucket list. >> can we see your new year's eve kiss? >> awwww, that was a good one. >> we better stopthis. let's end 2016 with the kiss we've all been waiting for. ladies and gentlemen, here you go. ♪ here it is. well, well, well, we feel better. make sure you keep watching. we have some great music on the show tonight. it's hard to top donald and hillary kissing and making up. >> you can say that again, you guys.
you're doing great work out there. [ light laughter ] hey leslie. leslie. hey leslie. leslie, i want to play a game. you want to play a game? >> absolutely. >> seth: i want to play a game called "would you kiss at midnight?" >> yes. >> seth: i'm gonna name somebody. tell me -- [ light laughter ] no it's gonna get more specific. would you kiss this person at midnight? i'll name the person and you tell me if you would kiss them at midnight. >> can i tell you what else i'd do to them? >> seth: we are in primetime! >> seth: jon snow. jon snow. >> oh jon snow. jon snow. i would kiss you jon snow. [ light laughter ] >> seth: would you kiss the verizon, "can you hear me now" guy? >> no because he's a treacherous, traitorous -- you are a traitor!
you are a traitor! [ light laughter ] you are a traitor! and then he's so arrogant about it. "can you hear that now?" you know what!? royalties! royalties! >> seth: i'm guessing right now. i'm gonna say on the record, i bet you've never had to say "can you hear me now?" to anyone. leslie -- >> shut up seth. >> seth: i heard that. i heard that. mayor bill deblasio. >> yes. >> seth: okay, great. >> you know what, cause he got the black girl. >> seth: yes. >> that means he know what he's doing. >> seth: he know what he's doing. >> yeah. >> seth: james spader. >> oh, come on. >> i'm gonna kiss, bite, lick. [ grunting ] i'm gonna do everything to james. >> seth: guy fieri. >> who is that? >> seth: guy fieri. the -- [ laughter ]
>> come on. you know, i kind of would. because he know where to go eat at. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's it we're done. leslie jones everybody. we'll be right back in a minute with kelly clarkson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ has been a struggle. i considered all my options with my doctor, who recommended once-daily toujeo®. now i'm on the path to better blood sugar control. toujeo® is a long-acting insulin from the makers of lantus®. it releases slowly, providing consistent insulin levels for a full 24 hours, proven full 24-hour blood sugar control, and significant a1c reduction. and along with toujeo®, i'm eating better and moving more. toujeo® is a long-acting, man-made insulin used to control high blood sugar in adults with diabetes. it contains 3 times as much insulin in 1 milliliter as standard insulin. don't use toujeo® to treat diabetic ketoacidosis,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: 2016 presented my next guest with a best pop-solo performance grammy nomination. she also is one of the remarkable cast of contemporary artists to lend their voice to the fantastic "hamilton mixtape." performing her version of, "it's quiet uptown." please welcome our friend, the incredible kelly clarkson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ there are moments that the words don't r
there is suffering too terrible to name ♪ ♪ you hold your child as tight as you can and push away the unimaginable ♪ ♪ the moments when you're in so deep it feels easier to just swim down ♪ ♪ and so they move uptown and learn to live with the unimaginable ♪ ♪ i spend hours in the garden i walk alone to the store and it's quiet uptown ♪ ♪ i never liked the quiet before i take the children to church on sunday ♪ ♪ a sign of the cross at the door and i pray ♪ ♪ha
used to happen before ♪ ♪ if you see him in the street walking by himself talking to himself ♪ ♪ have pity you would like it uptown it's quiet uptown ♪ ♪ he is working through the unimaginable ♪ ♪ his hair has gone grey he passes every day they say he walks the length of the city ♪ ♪ you knock me out i fall apart can you imagine ♪ ♪ look at where we are look at where we started i know i don't deserve you ♪ ♪ but hear me out that would be enough ♪ ♪ if i could spare his life if i could trade his life for mine ♪ ♪ he'd be standing here right now
and you would smile and that would be enough ♪ ♪ i don't pretend to know the challenges we're facing i know there's no replacing what weõve lost ♪ ♪ and you need time but i'm not afraid i know who i married ♪ ♪ just let me stay here by your side that would be enough ♪ ♪ if you see him in the street walking by her side talking by her side ♪ ♪ have pity
do you like it uptown it's quiet uptown ♪ ♪ he is trying to do the unimaginable see them walking in the park long after dark ♪ ♪ taking in the sights of the city look around look around ♪ ♪ look around they are trying to do the unimaginable ♪ ♪ there are moments that the words don't reach there is a grace too powerful to name ♪ ♪ we push away what we can never understand we push away the unimaginable ♪ ♪ they are standing in the garden standing there side by side she takes his hand ♪ ♪ it's quiet uptown forgiveness can you imagine ♪ ♪ forgiveness can you imagine ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: kelly clarkson folks! "the hamilton mixtape" is out now! my thanks to jennifer lawrence, leslie jones, kelly clarkson, arnold shwartzenegger,