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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  January 17, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EST

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>> stephen: thanks, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey! thanks, everybody, please, have a seat. i am your host stephen colbert. yes i am, i checked my i.d. before i came out here. check your calendars. we are just three days away from donald trump's inauguration. >> audience: boo! >> stephen: and just two days away from all those time travelers coming back to stop him. or not. maybe he's going to be great. one thing we know is that he's going to do a lot of stuff... eventually, and i say "eventually" because here's what trump said to "the london time" i think when he was talking about his first executive orders:
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>> stephen: how do-- i don't understand. i don't understand. how is that how is that confusing? how do you mix up signing with celebrating? "i'm sorry, i thought i was giving out an autograph. instead, i accidentally gave back the louisiana purchase." can somebody-- can can we? is that in the mail yet? so trump's not going to start until monday. he, apparently, thinks the president gets saturdays and sundays off. instead of "hail to the chief," it's going to be ♪ everybody's workin' for the weekend ♪ thank you, canada, for lover boy. so trump might want to put in some more hours just to get his popularity up. he's got the lowest approval rating of any incoming
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but, hey, it's not a popularity contest. and neither was the election. right now, donald trump has 40% favorable; wheras, on his inauguration day, barack obama's favorability rating was 79%. but he was the first black president, and if america's known for anything, it's giving black men the benefit of the doubt. hey! there's a black guy across the street. let's go say hi, kids! ( laughter ) ( applause ) that-- last joke was based on a true story. ( laughter ) now when trump saw these dismal polls, he realized you can't please everybody and you've just got to work for the american people. i'm ju
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apologize!" this is kind of shocking-- i don't know if you guys saw this-- even trump's staunchest supporters are starting to have doubtsb ecause, evidently, white nationalists are already losing faith in the president-elect. that is so sad. that is so sad. i mean, they've gone from "heil" to huh. according to white nationalist leader and villainm
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( laughter ) ( applause ) wow. wow. so this is what it feels like to agree with a neo-nazi. ( laughter ) that is-- that is new. >> jon: wow! >> stephen: that is a new feeling. i am on virgin snow right now. now, by contrast, putin's approval rating in russia is almost 90%. so it must have felt good today when vlad came to trump's defense over these russian hooker rumors. >> "a man who for many years has been organzing pageants and has spoken to the most beautiful women in the world, you know, it's hard for me to imagine that w
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women who are very liberal toward social responsibility." ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah, it's hard for him to imagine, but he doesn't have to. i'm sure he's seen the tapes. ( laughter ) and i gotta say, "women who are very liberal toward social responsibility" has got to be the nicest euphemism for prostitute i've ever heard. "hey, baby, what are you doing tonight? you want a liberal helping of social irresponsibility?" ( laughter ) ( applause ) "$20. i don't even that is in rubles." then, the leader of russia then went a little too far. >> translator: "you know, its hard for me to imagine that he went to a hotel to meet with women who are very liberal
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although, ours are undoubtedly the best in the world." ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: wow! >> jon: he put that out there! >> stephen: excuse me. did he just brag? mr. president, did you just brag that russian prostitutes are the best in the world? what a proud country you must have. "come for the prostitutes. stay because we filmed you with a prostitute." on the cabinet nominations front, one of trump's picks may not even make it to his hearing because labor secretary candidate and yiddish penis euphemism, andy puzder, is reportedly voicing second thoughts about his nomination. puzder is the c.e.o. of hardee's and carl's jr., so it makes sense that he's having second thoughts. after all, that's the hardee's sl
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( laughter ) according to one republican source, puzder "may be bailing because he is not into the pounding he is taking, and the paperwork." the pounding and the paperwork-- it's the same reason i didn't like middle school. sounds like the secretary of labor doesn't want to labor that hard. well, at least he knows his boss won't call him on weekends. now, trump's presidency has a lot of people very nervous, but bernice king, daughter of the reverend dr. martin luther king jr, says we shouldn't fret because god can triumph over trump. ladies and gentlemen, i'm a person of faith, and i agree. with god, all things are possible, and i'm sure he'll take care of us in the next four years. this is all on him. >> whoa, whoa, whoa, stephen. i wouldn't say that. >> stephen: god, is that you? >> hey, what's up! >> stephen: god, everybody.
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>> stephen: so, god, you can triumph over trump? >> look, don't you put this on me. you elected that guy. i haven't even voted since ross perot. >> stephen: but you can certainly triumph over him, if you have to, right? >> i don't know. trump has so many twitter followers! and vladimir putin's backing him! vlad said if i messed with his boy donald, he'd poison my sushi! >> stephen, but lord, you don't need protection, do you? >> no, i'm an all-powerful, omniscient being. also i bought a gun. check it out. pray hello to my little friend. ( laughter ) >> stephen: wait, lord, you got a gun? >> yeah, did you know how easy these are to get? glad they didn't run a background check. i've smited a lot of people. ( laughter ) >> stephen: god, i'd feel more comfortable if you put that thing away. >> if you say so, snowflake. >> god everybody. we have a great showwk for you tonight. l
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only from fios. ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and stay human, everybody! come on! ( cheers and applause ) welcome back,s folks. my first g iuests an emmy- nominated comedian and actor who is best known as "billy on the street." >> i'm about to hit the street with emmy award winner jonathan hamm, to play "would you have a three sellwith m and john hamm?" are you ready, john? >> i am. >> would you consider a three sellwith me and
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hamhammwould you have one? >> for a dollar? >> yes, very progressive, i'm gairk you're blag, he has a saga, ward. it's all happening. >> he doesn't have an oscar though. >> that's right, good point! if i gave you $1 would you have a three sellwith me and john hamm. >> of course, not-- oh, john hamm, yes. >> what about me? >> no! >> stephen: please welcome billy eichner! ♪ ♪ ( applause ). >> hey, guys! yes! ( cheers and applause ) what's up! hello, sir. >> stephen: hello, sir, nice to see you. >> nice to see you again. >> stephen: now, we've been able to hang out with each other a little bit lately. >> yes. >> stephen: very fun to do with you. >> platonically, unfortunately. >> stephen: baby steps, my friend. >> trump's america. >> stephen: we hung out at the white house together. >>we
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about a week ago, yeah. >> stephen: for the president and the first lady's last party. >> their good-bye party. >> stephen: yeah. >> that was pretty extraordinary. >> stephen: that was quite a shin dig. >> it was. you, steve wonder. >> stephen: sure. >> bruce springsteen, paul mccartney, and, of course, me. >> stephen: it was incredible. >> it was amazing. >> stephen: they don't let you bring your phone in. >> no. >> stephen: because it's a private party. it's not like a state occasion. >> it was not a good night to be on grinder at the white house. lord knows, i tried. >> stephen: baby steps. >> baby steps. >> baby steps. >> i'll wait for mike pence to go on grinder at the white house. >> stephen: did you-- did you dance? there was a lot of dancing going on. >> we danced together, stephen! >> stephen: yeah, okay. >> okay. don't act like we didn't dance together. >> stephen, of course, we danced together. did we actually dance together? >> a little bit. we were on the dance floor. you were looking around, and i saw the president behind you, like, breaking it down -- >> stephen: you looked at me, you're me, and i'm you, and you
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like, dancing and you went... behind me there was a tiger coming at me, and there was a the president popin' and lockin. >> you got right in there with him. a dance circle formed around him. it was incredible. i don't see that happening any time soon at the white house. i'm not sure melania trump say big kendrick lamar fan. >> stephen: the vibe is going to change in a few days. >> it is. >> stephen: do you feel excitement? >> no, i don't. >> stephen: do you feel aphehension. >> i'm a little worried about it, yeah. >> stephen: do you have any hope that he might do something you would enjoy? is there anything that he said that you said-- >> i do have to say, i'm making an announcement tonight. >> stephen: okay. >> for all the criticism i've had about donald trump and his administration, i'm very excited to announce they will be performing at the inauguration on friday. >> s
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congratulations. >> hello! skewexcuse me! thank you! it's very exciting. >> stephen: it's very exciting. >> and for a racist, misogynist, homophobic administration to invite a gay jew from new york to perform at the inauguration, that's a pretty big deal. i'm very excited about that. >> stephen: what are you doing? >> what was that. >> stephen: what are you doing? >> i'm going to be performing mixed martial arts. and then i'm going to shoot a deer just for the hell of it. and then in honor of donald trump, i'm going to pee all over the mormon tabernacle choir. >> stephen: another all right, good. >> i'm excited about it. >> stephen: i wasn't planning on watching the whole thing, but maybe i'll dial in now. that will be good. >> you'll be able to find this inauguration on x-tube. it's the only time that's ever happened. >> stephen: speak of-- >> that's a porn website, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen: i wouldn't know, billy. >> okay, i know. >> stephen: i wouldn't know. >> i know, stephen. >> stephen: talkingut
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young jewish man from new york, this isify fabulous photograph, and i'm going to trust that it's you but it really doesn't look like you. this is you at your bar mitzvah. >> yeah. >> stephen: and i understand-- if i'm not wrong-- >> i really liked madonna. >> stephen: your theme was "broadway meets pop." >> yeah, i couldn't decide whether i wanted the theme of my bar mitzvah party to be broadway or pop, so i decide it would be broadway meets pop music. and part of that theme was madonna, and we had a life-sized cutoff of madon dona. i think god would be so pleased by this. >> stephen: did you want to work on broadway when you were a kid? >> i did. i loved broadway. >> stephen: you did "hairspray live" and done broadway musicals. >> i never did a musical on broadway. the closest i got was when i was a struggling actor in new york for many years i was a broadcaster at the "lion
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see "lion king" was hammered. >> i wasn't allowed to drink on the job. no one's really drinking martinis at the "lion king," so you're basically dealing with little and i said serving candy and they would pipe in music from the "lion king" eight times a week. >> stephen: you were listening to the musical-- >> that's how we knew. everyone day i would wait for mufasah to die because that was my time to pour the diet cokes. literally, that's what i had to do. it was very degrading. it's a fine job i guess when trying to be an act orp is bartend pe "lion king" with kids. but. >> but? >> there was a happy ending. is that what you're getting to? >> stephen: i don't know. i'm always up for a happy ending. >> i know you are, stephen. >> stephen: baby steps. >> baby steps. >> you and mike fence. >> stephen: i have a photo
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>> this is the happy ending, many, many years later, directly across the street from the theater where the "lion king" is playing is a very big billboard for "billy on the street." that's me. >> stephen: and it's you all tied up in a microphone. it's very sexy. >> it's extremely sexy. >> stephen: did you imagine that this young man, when he was-- did he ever think that he would be a sex symbol on broadway? >> i do it all for mike pence, stephen. i do it all for mike pence. >> stephen: now you officially-- you officially-- i just found this up on the today-- "new york magazine" has a section called "vulture" that they do online. and they declared, "when did billy eichner become a hunk?" they declared you a hunk. >> the audience is like when? we don't see it. >> stephen: no, this guy is ripped. >> no, no, no. so embarrassing. >> stephen: you're ripped. absolutely. when was this official gidon't know. it's
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strange-- >> stephen: is there an award or something like that? >> i hope so. >> stephen: yes? >> yes. >> stephen: strange, but you're in show business. being sexy is part of the job, man. >> look, i learn from the best. >> stephen: come on now. >> i mean, look at you. you're a very fit man. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: i don't know in what way that's sexy, but that is my symbol for being sex. do you think you've reach peak celebrity? >> i don't consider myself a sex person. i think i'm fine but -- >> stephen: do you think he's sexy? ( cheers and applause ). >> oh, wow. all right. well, thank you very much. >> stephen: you're welcome. >> yes. >> stephen: now okay so "billy on the street." >> yes, sir. >> stephen: i'm very excited your final episode is coming up. >> this is another big announcement. we have special guests on every episode of "billy on the street." you saw john hamm. on our season finale coming up next tuesday, my special guest, mr. stephen colbert! ( cheers and a
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we just shot that together displg yeah. it was incredible. >> it was a huge thing for me. you're one of my biggest inspirations, really. >> stephen: i'm a big fan of yourself, it too. >> and you're the loveliest person in show business and i'm very honored to have you. >> stephen: i was so happy that people-- you say you don't know that you're sexy. it's weird, even if you do a show at night you forget you're famous, that people know you who are. people would say, "it's stephen colbert." and they would say, hi," happy to see me -- >> stephen: some. >> stephen: not everyone. you had a strong desire to hug everyone who recognized me. >> you were very touchy-feely. >> stephen: it was also cold and i needed the body warmth. how many seasons has it been for can "billy on the street." >> this is our fifth season, if you can can believe it. >> stephen: you're a nice person. is it hard for you to go up and scream at people and insult them? >> it's not all insulting. some of it is. >> stephen: a lot of it is. that's what i like. >> no, i think it's part of the character. you know, "billy on the street" is
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>> stephen: how is he different from you? does he have a different back story or anything from you? >> i mean-- god, you're really over-thinking it. >> stephen: i think i'm-- i think i'm thinking it at all. what is-- >> no, i think can "billy on the street" is really me as a show business-obsessed 12-year-old blown up to larger-than-life proportions -- >> stephen: so it's this guy. >> this guy! >> stephen: given a microphone and some cash. >> really. it's giving this can kid a platform, and part of the screaming is-- i just don't scream randomly. part of the comedy is the stakes are very high for him all the time about very silly things. >> stephen: what i love about the characters is you have a character want all the time. you need a specific answer from someone and they have no way of ge guessing what it is. >> exactly. and it's the only game show where people have to agree with me in order to win. >> stephen: well, thank you for doing it. >> well, thank you very much. and good luck in trump's america. te
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if you're gonna make an entrance... [car driving upon the water] ♪
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theseare heading back home.y oil thanks to dawn, rescue workers only trust dawn, because it's tough on grease yet gentle. i am home, i am home, i am home ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a musical artist, television host, the star of "chicago" on broadway, and scary spice. please welcome, mel b! ♪
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>> thank you! >> stephen: thank you. nice to see you. >> nice to see you, too >> stephen: everybody is very excited to see you. congratulations for being back on broadway. this is not your first time. you were here for "rent." >> that was 12 years ago. i was a little baby 12 years ago. now i feel i'm a little more mature and i'm a little bit nicer. >> stephen: you're a nicer person? >> yes, i appreciate doing broadway so much more this time around. and especially being part of this particular show. because it's the longest one shown on broadway, 20 years-plus. i feel-- >> stephen: and you play roxy, which is a great part. >> yeah, she's a bit saucy. >> stephen: yeah, you get to dance and murder people, right? >> exactly, nawl two and a half hours. >> stephen: now, you've moved to new york to do this part, of course,. >> yeah. >> stephen: are your kids with you? >> two of my kids are
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my youngest, my five-year-old and my nine-year-old. >> stephen: have they seen the show because it's a mature show? >> have they seen the show? they are breathing and living the show. i'm from england so i don't have an american accent-- >> stephen: i noticed. >> you noticed. >> stephen: exactly. >> so my kids would help me rehearse my lines because they have great american accents and trying to get me to sound like them, even though the text isn't very kid friendly, some of it, killing people. >> stephen: so, like what lines are you running with your children? like, what are they-- a five-year-old is saying what? >> "screw you, you son of a bitch." but in context of the show! they were helping me with my "r"s because my "r"s are really bad. i don't do an american accent that well yet. >> have you had to say to them, "very well, thank you very much, please don't repeat this outside the house." >> no, they know that it just is for mommy on stage for a show, that is an adult
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at dinner they will recite some lines. ( laughter ) like... >> stephen: like? >> there's, like, a scene where the six ladies are explaining how they killed their spouses. and there's one particular scene that my five-year-old can just say word for word about the guy that can kept on popping his gum, and he ran into her knife 10 times and it wasn't her fault. so, yeah, she does recite that at dinner. i'm like, "oh, god, i hope nobody's hearing." >> stephen: i actually haven't seen the show. are you doing the show with your original accent or are you doing a chicago accent? because that's a very specific american accent. >> can i be really honest with you? >> stephen: okay. >> don't quite know what accent i've got. it's just-- it's just there. >> stephen: well, here, here's a chicago sentence. okay. here's a chicago sentence. let me help you with this. because i lived in should go for 11 years. "i picked up some rats from the osco for the bears game." >> what does that mean? s
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store, the drugstore connected to it is the same company, you call it the osco-jewel. i picked up some brats. >> brats. >> stephen: brats. >> brats. >> stephen: from the jewel. >> from the jewel. >> stephen: for the bears game. >> for the bear games. that's what that sounded like to me. >> stephen: yes! yes! ( cheers and applause ) perfect! it's perfect! >> you can imagine what my accent is like on the show. >> stephen: wow, okay. let me ask you something about the spice girls because that is certainly how, you know, many of the people here know you and are excited about. cheaper how did-- how do dall of those names come about? i know you guys sort of-- you guys had a manager hosaid let's create a super girl band. >> it wasn't him. we actually created it ourselves s. >> stephen: i didn't know that. >> we created the music ourselves. >> stephen: i thought you were like the monk
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>> the original story is there was an original audition for a girl group. the guin gooif wouldn't sign us, so we collected ourselves together. we lived on the welfare and we kind of worked our music and creating our first and second album by promising people that we'd pay them back, and we never did. ( laughter ) and then -- >> stephen: you know we're broadcasting this, right? >> i know. but they got their money at some point. >> stephen: where do the names come from. >> we found simon and the whole band erupted. and i guess girl groups weren't very popular. it was all about the boy groups. we had this one journalist who i guess was extreme lazy, couldn't be bothered to remember all of our names and gave us nicknames. that one is a bit scary, that one is a big posh, that one is a bit baby. and they kind of stuck. >> stephen: in this interview he couldn't remember your names-- >> he couldn't be bothered. he said she's scary, she's this-- in his opinion, in his mind. it kind of just worked. i was like, "well, i
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people before i even walk in the room, so watch out." it's easy. >> stephen: can you explain something to me? >> go on. >> stephen: this is for one of my producers who works on the show is is, like many people here, a huge fan of the spice girls and of yours. she loves "spice world" the movie. >> she's probably about a handful of people that do. i love it. >> stephen: she said it was one of the best movies she's ever seen. it was an amazing movie. i think she was nine when she saw it. >> bless her! >> stephen: and thee particularly liked this bus right here. you had a busing you lived on. and you had your own little area. it's a very large bus, you can tell. she didn't understand when she was a little girl why there was a stripper pole on the bus, and her mother refused to explain to her what that pole could possibly be. could you explain to all the little girls out there why there was a stripper pole on your bus? >> it was actually-- instead of walking down the
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go down the fireman's pole. so list what reason for it. >> stephen: oh, a fireman's pole. you guys fought fires, did you? >> well, kind of but, also, you know, five girls together, we liked to kind of spin around a pole every now and again, who doesn't? no? is it just me? >> stephen: i never have. i should give it a try. i should give it a try. un what, baby steps. it was lovely to meet you, mel. >> it was lovely to meet you. now i feel like i exposed my inner stripper. >> stephen: you're welcome. "chicago" is at the ambassador theatre through february 19. mel b, everybody! stick around, gilbert gottfried is coming up. thank you are you getting this?
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♪ ♪
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>> stephen: hey, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) what's that song called, jon? what's that song? that's a beautiful song. what is that? >> jon: it's called "ice and stretch." >> stephen: "ice and stretch?" >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: what did you do right before you wrote that song that you had to ice and stretch? >> jon: we actually play basketball as a band sometimes, and afterwards you've got to ice and stretch. >> stephen: that's your post-basketball theme song. >> jon: yeah, post. >> stephen: toss to get you up for stopping to play basketball. >> jon: it's like, you know, because when we perform we do a lot of-- we get low. >> stephen: yeah. >> jon: so you have got to preserve the joints. and you ice and you stretch. >> stephen: i'm with you, i'm with you. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: that's great. >> jon: that's why i called is "ice and stretch." ( laughter )
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( applause ). >> stephen: the more you know. thank you, jon, i love it. >> jon: yeah, it's nostalgic. >> stephen: great. welcome back, folks. you know, it's so screrkt i love watching the internet. it's one of my favorite things to do while watching tv. and one of the things i really love is ted talks, these inspiring, educational lectures on subjects like, "how your body language shapes who you are," "the power of vulnerability," and "how schools destroy creativity." i had something clever to say about that last one, but then my parents sent me to school. so i've got nothing. unfortunately, not every talker is allowed to ted. jon, i understand you gave a ted talk. >> jon: in 2012 in edenboro, scotland. >> stephen: you went to scotland to give a ted talk. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: and what was it about? >> jon: jazz, new
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jazz. >> stephen: and then ice and stretch afterwards. i've never been asked to ted talk. >> jon: you should to it. you should to it. >> stephen: i don't want to now. and even you come up with something to ted talk, not everybody gets to do it. organizers say they review "thousands and thousands of candidates every year," before choosing just 60 to 70 speakers. so we here at "the late show" every so often want to give a forum to these unwanted ted talkers in our award-pending lecture series, "reject-ted." ( applause ) >> you ever feel like your life is going nowhere? you ever think there's got to be more to life than this? well, there is. get on my motorcycle sp start your new life. because you don't need anything more than the wind in your hair, and your arms wrapped around adventure. (
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what's stopping you? huh? is it your lame job? your boyfriend, brad? this is no dress rehearsal, baby. this is the show. and before the curtain falls, you want to feel something. you get on my motorcycle, i promise you will. you know what else i'm going to promise you? nothing. ( laughter ) we might wake up naked next to the grand canyon at sunrise. we might fight raccoons for food out of a dumpster. you just don't know. in summation, get on my motorcycle. bring your sense of adventure. bring your taste for danger. and bring your cash. ( laughter ) because i've been unemployed for a very long time. thank you. ( cheers and applause ) >> ladies and gentlemen, i am here with message demanding your attention. here is multistep plan to
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immediately improve quality of life. view photos of christian singles in your area. chat and flirt with gorgeous european brides. lose belly fat, but, hey, that is just tip of iceberg. because investment for your business work from home-- dollar sign, dollar sign, dollar sign. moreover, the biggest, baddest scientists have finally increased the male weiner. and increased value make her say, "wow, wow, wow." ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, gentlemen. we'll be right back with gilbert gottfried. ♪
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause )
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>> stephen: hey there. folks, my next guest is a comedian and actor who's starred in everything from "aladdin" to "sharknado 4." please welcome gilbert gottfried! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: holo. >> i can't believe mel b didn't talk to me backstage, because i used to be in the spice girls. ( laughter ). >> stephen: really, which one were you. >> stephen: i was julie spice. >> stephen: i remember, i remember. >
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tweens love that. gilbert, i haven't seen you since-- we've actually-- we've actually hay couple of times we've been able to be there to celebrate events called "life animated." you have a part, an autistic child learned to communicate with his parent and his friends through the power of disney animation, and your character, yargo the parrot. >> the father put on a yargo puppet, and he started imitating my voice. and-- and his son, who didn't communicate at all-- >> stephen: hadn't talked to them for four years. >> stared at it and recognized it as an old friend, and they were able to communicate after that. >> stephen: and then the door opened communication for the whole family. >> and i already knew about-- ( applause ) thank you. ( cheers ).
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did a little interview with you, and you said you learned a lot. >> yeah, i learned everything i know about autism from jenny mccarthy. ( laughter ) and-- and i have two kids. shequenceed me not to vaccinate either one of them. and the good news is neither of my children have autism. the bad news is they both have polo. ( laughter ) ( applause ) so you gotta take the good with the bad. >> stephen: obviously, obviously. >> i mean, come on! >> stephen: obviously, yeah. ( applause ) you are-- you are-- that was not a surprising joke coming from you. you actually told this in front of a room of about 1500 people, many of whom were there because their children actually were developmentally disabled. >> yes, this is why -- >> stephen: and this is what i love about you. there's no joke you
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as soon as you think of it. ( laughter ). >> yeah, well, and now, you can't tell jokes anymore. it's like the whole society goes crazy if they don't like the joke. i feel like jokes now should come from a set of instructions. like if you think it's funny, laugh. if you don't think it's funny, don't laugh. you know. it's-- ( laughter ) >> stephen: is there any-- like, you've made jokes about things, like recent tragedies. >> oh, yeah. >> stephen: you've made joke positive recent tragedies. and it's caused you some troubles. >> thank god it's been kept out of the paper. >> stephen: the rule is tragedy plus time. what's your time limit? >> no, i like to do it right away. ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> stephen: when it's fresh. fresh meat? >> yeah. >> stephen: okay, okay. >> i like to get the internet to ha m
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>> stephen: well, we're well on our way, gilbert. you just posted this on your instagram. >> yes. >> stephen: what's going on here? okay, so this is you, this is you. and this is-- this gentleman right here is the president of the united states now. this face behind-- where was this? and where were you pulling the face behind the president? >> i think i was about seven when this was taken. it was at some event, and donald trump, i didn't really-- i knew who he was in real estate, and i was fascinated by him because i know about black people, white people, and yellow people. but i never seen an orange person before. ( laughter ) and-- and so this is-- and so i decided, you know, he wasn't the president at the time, to go behind him and start making faces. >> stephen: you could be arrested soon for that. >> yeah, now
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audited. >> stephen: now, you've got a podcast called "gilbert gottfried's amazing colossal podcast." you've interviewed legends like bruce dern, ed asner, dick van dyke. these are older gentlemen-- >> yeah, the average age of our guest is dead. ( laughter ) >> stephen: tough to-- like interviewing dick van dyke, there are people who loved dick van dyke "the dick van dyke show," "mary popins." do you have to watch your language? >> no, that's the amazing thing. we had dick van dyke, who is 19. and he was one of our-- we got him to appeal to the younger crowd. and-- ( laughter ) and dick van dyke, the first story he tells us that he and another former guest of our podcast, orson bean -- >> stephen: orson bean! >> yes, they used to be friends-- i guess still are. and when they were struggling
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go to the central park zoo, and they would watch this chimpanzee, who would smoke a cigar, and masturbate. ( laughter ) this-- and he was a masturbating monkey. now, i'm the masturbating monkey. ( laughter ) except i don't smoke a cigar. >> stephen: so you can say that-- you can say that in front of dick van dyke. >> yes. >> stephen: guess where you can't say that? cbs. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i don't think any of that'sing if to-- we'll find out. we'll fiend out. gilbert, lovely to see you again. "gilbert gottfried's amazing colossal podcast" is on itunes. check it out.
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late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be idina menzel, rachel bloom, and louie anderson. now stick around for james corden and his guest kate hudson. goodnight! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, all the waym

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