tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS January 18, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EST
(cheers and applause). >> stephen: hey, everybody. hey. hey, everybody. hey, welcome to the slate though. thank you very much, please v a seat. too kind, too kind. welcome to the late show. i am your host, stephen colbert. that's me, that's me. >> jon: that's him. >> stephen: you guys are a cheap date. thank you so much. i don't know if you watched the tv this afternoon but president obama held his last press conference today. he talked about the complexities of peace in the middle east, universal health care, job creation. pretty boring stuff. and man, i am going to miss
(laughter) (cheers and applause) at one point-- not going to be boring. it's going to be exciting. at one point he did have some strong words for russia. >> i think it's important just to remember that the reason sanctions have been put in place against russia has to do with their actions in ukraine. and it is important for the united states to stand up for the basic principle that big countries don't go around and invade and bully smaller countries. >> stephen: well said, big countries don't invade smaller countries for two more days. after that, trump and putin are going to flip a coin toñr see without gets denmark. (laughter) there was an inspiring moment, i really like 24-d one. the first nonwhite male president expressed his belief that he will not be our last. >> we're going to have a woman president, we're going to have a
latina president, a jewish president, a hindu president. who knows who we are going to have. i suspect we'll have a whole bunch of mixed up presidents at some point that nobody really knows what to call him 6789 (laughter). >> stephen: yeah. yeah. (applause). >> stephen: that's right. >> jon: a whole mixed bag. a mixed bag. >> stephen: no, that's a hopeful feeling am but i have a feeling we're going to have a mixed up president in about 36 hours. but i do have some ideas of what to call him. and barack obama ended the entire press conference with a message of hope. >> and my corps,-- at myçó corei think we're going to be okay welch have to fight for it. we have to work for it and not take it for granted. and i think you will help us do that. thank you very much, press corps, good luck. >> stephen: good luck. seeia, wouldn't want be to ya. bye bye. bye bye.
i'll see ya. there he goes. sucks to be you. bye bye. (laughter) shoot. before he left he did stun everybody yesterday by commuting the sen tension of classified document leaker chelsea manning. that was weird. that really surprised me. cuz i heard trump was the one who loved huge leaks. now the question is-- really, really, really? too soon? too fresh? now the question is will whistle-blower edward snowden now get a pardon. because today russia announced it was extending his asylum
face trial under u.s. president vladimir putin. meanwhile every one isñr getting ready for trump's inauguration including, and this really surxr&sed me, donald trump. today he tweeted out this picture with the caption, writing my inaugural address at the winter white house. mar-a-lago. are we sure-- we put that back up. are we sure it's mar-a-lago. because it really just looks like he moved his desk into saddam hussein's bathroom. beautiful, golden toilet. golden toilets everywhere. amazingñr work. and this morning the donald elect stat down for an exclusive interview on fox and friends where he inauguration priorities. >> what's the first thing you're going to do when you walk into the whiteñr house? >> well, i want to go to work. monday is really the day that we start signing and working and making great deals
country. to point out, you're president from noon on friday. of course, i can understand,çó friday's going to be tough because that is when he gets sworn in and then saturday and sunday he will be googling stuff presidents do. (laughter). >> jon: catch up on that. >> stephen: that's myçó trumpñi surprise.ç members of congress whoçó turns out are boycotting his inauguration. >> as far as other peopleçó notv going, that's okay because we need seats so badly. i hopeñi they give me their tickets. >> stephen: wait, did you just say you hope they give you their tickets? is donald trump scaling tickets to his own inauguration? all right, who needs two. who needs two? whoçóñi needs two.ñi i gotñiçó two, withñr anñi obstd viewñr of melania. who needs them?
smoke, smoke, smoke. i don't know why heñki would say that. and he doesn't seem worried a inauguration isn't going to have any celebrities. >> what about the celebrities who are now pulling out. >> many of the celebrities that are saying they are not going, they were never invited. i don't want theñiw3 cel want the people. and we have the biggest celebrities in the world the biggest in thexd world. >> i won't say that, and president obama. >> stephen:ñi wow!ñi they got obama. obama is a huge celebrity, people love that guy. i mean more and more each day for some reason. i don't know why. obama. (cheers andxd applause) i didn't know that. wow. and then trump even addressed the, shall we say little bird in the room. >> what about twitter.
are you going to continue to tbeet? >> yeah, look. i don't like tweeting. have i other things i could be doing. but i get very dishonest media, very dishonest press. >> stephen: yeah, the media is so dishonest. very dishonest press. they lie all the time. for instance, just this morning on fox i saw some orange guy say that trump doesn't like tweeting. that is fake news. that is a lie. (applause) that guy, i don't know who it was. i don't know who it was but that guy is a liar. >> jon: somebody lying. >> stephen: speaking of which, the president-elect addressed that fake news problem too. >> it's all fake news. i can say something about george washington. i can say something about abraham lincoln. >> stephen: yeah, people make up fake news about abraham lincoln all the time. i mean for instance, the media wants us all to believe that he won the civil war but i don't know. i saw a lot of confederate flags at those trump rallies. i don't see how-- why would theree
fake, all fake. and get ready for some more rallies, folks. because while we're still two days away from the trump administration, he has already decided on his slogan for a re-election bid in 2020. no! no sir! bad trump! you do not get to do that yet. we just got done with the last election. you can't start campaigning for re-election two days before you start the job you campaigned for. are you ready for the new slogan? it's keep america great. so let me get this straight. your last slogan was make america great again and your new slogan is keep america great. aren't you skipping over a pretty important middle step there. the one where you make america great? it's like you have a res recipe for fried chicken was, buy raw chicken, who wants
of course-- hmmmm, hmmmm. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: that's pretty good. >> jon: that was nice. >> stephen: i got to say. >> i'm all for chicken. >> stephen: i will take fried chicken anyway can i get it. >> jon: oh man. >> stephen: of course the trump people want to cover all their bases with the new slogan. so they trademarked a fewñi othe next four years don't go as perfectly as i'm sure they will. and we at the late show have managed to get our hands on these slogans. okay, again, what i have in my hand here, what i have here are the backupñi trump slogans, just in case they need a different slogan. am i clear enough what this is? this is different. here we go. okay. first one is make america great again again. (laughter) i like this one. okay, this timeñi we really are going to make america great again, iñr swear. this one might come
those women are liars. (laughter) (applause) i'm not sure what this one says because it's in russian. i'm not sure-- (laughter) this one, i hope we don't need this one here. the atomic monsters weren't my fault. though i think this next one here, i think this one mightñr e the one that we really are going to need if four years. make america again. we've got a great show for you tonight. idina menzel is here. but first i get some things off my chest with midnight confessions. stick around.
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. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. ladies and gentlemen, ifñr you'e regular watchers of the show you know i'm a devout catholic but i'm so busy with the show i almost never get to sunday mass. but i believe if god wanted me to go to church he would have put it on netflix. but i tell you, i really mission my favorite catholic tradition and that's confession. so if you don't mind, i would like to confess to you, my audience. you won't tell anybody, right? >> of course not. >> stephen: great.ñiñmóiuin this is is midnightxdxdxdñr con. (cheers and applause)e1yofplkolh standard disclaimer, i don't know if these are
them. okay, i'll be right back. forgive me, audience, if i ever tell you i'm stuck in traffic, it means i haven't left home yet. i always imagined my most satisfying experience would be fatherhood but actually it's eating yogurt pretzels drunk. oh my god. hmmmm. (cheers and applause) i'm kind of jealous that i'll never experience the wonder of child birth. but sometimes after i eat a
sing raffi to it. sometimes, sometimes audience, sometimes i stare into the distance to seem thoughtful. but i'm really just trying to make a bird outside my window explode with my mind. (laughter) you know that guy in the office who always takes the last cup of coffee without making a new pot? i had that guy murdered. (applause) if i'm out of salad dressing i'll sometimes just use marshmallow fluff. and i make sure i'm always out of salad dressing. audience, i know how to fold fitted sheets, but ii
tell my wife. (laughter) i didn't know there was a difference between flammable and inflammable. which is why the judge taught me the dimps between guilty and not guilty. when i was in college i cheated in psychology. so i will never know what that says about me. (applause) forgive me, audience. >> we forgive you. >> stephen: thanks. we'll be right back with idina menzel. (applause)
a fonnee and grammy award winner from wicked and rent and the voice of elsa in frozen. she's now in the lifetime remaining of "beaches." >> you have been working with this guy for weeks and you haven't mentioned anything. i thought were you over him. >> it's not that easy for me. i'm not like you. >> with well, what is that supposed to mean. >> it means you roll out of bed and life falls into place for you, i have to work at everything, at my looks, my talent. i work so hard just to be noticed. and you just stroll in and. >> i don't understand with someone with such a big ego can be so insecure. >> oh, so we're moving too the insult part of the injury now, is that it? >> stephen: what? please welcome idina menzel. (cheers and applause) hey.
>> hi. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: nice to see you. >> i'm so excited to be here. >> stephen: well, i'm very excited to you have here. i'm glad we could grab you right before you are going on a 50 city world tour. >> that's so crazy. >> stephen: is there a reason why you are fleeing the country? >> because i'm-- oh, well, i was going for russian-- tonight. >> stephen: have i heard they are the best, absolutely best in the world. a big market over there. >> i'm not playing over there. >> stephen: you are not going to russia. >> i would if they would have me. >> stephen: of course they would have you. i think let it go is translated in every language in the country. >> i would have to learn it in russian an, that would be really hard. >> stephen: well, ask trump. what is the first place are you going. >> i'm going to japan. >> stephen: i have ever in been. >> you have never been. >> stephen: always very curi
just so sweet and accommodating. they just make me feel like a queen. >> stephen: do you play in tokyo. >> we go to tokia, osakanagoya and i bring my little boy, he's seven, walker. and he usually they have amazing toy stores there. they're like out of hand toy stores like, just, everything. it's crazy. and he got one time he got, the last time he got a sam aroi sword, like a toy samaroi sword and we---- we went to philippines after japan and there were all these people coming, like he hates when people take pictures of us and stuff like that he took out his sword and he was lake get away from my mom. he's like waving at all these people it was a amazing. the best body guard ever. >> ste:
you say. >> he's seven. >> stephen: what is it like, he must have seen frozen, right. >> he has seen it maybe twice. he hates it. >> stephen: why would he hate it. >> because it's princesse. and it's mommy singing. and that means she has to work and go sing the stupid song and it takes me away from him. and you know t is just like. the only tienl he really likes it is when i was volunteer nght kindergarten class, and we were doing arts and crafters. and he started to talk to one the little girls and the girl is looking at me and he says do you want my mom's autograph. she's' elsa. that is like his game. >> stephen: he's working it. >> he's got game. >> stephen: yeah, that's his approach. a girl his age. >> yeah, another kindergarten girl. >> stephen: did it work? >> of course, i mean-- . >> stephen: wow, i wonder how old he is going to be before he drops that. because that could work for a long time. >> it might, yeah. >> stephen: now you-- as i was
last press conference today, tomorrow is the president's last day in office. >> yeah. >> stephen: i understand you got a chance to perform for the president a couple of times. >> when he got there. >> stephen: can you tell me what is going on in there. >> there is an easter bunny. there is a man in an easter bunny costume. >> stephen: that is a big hint as to what is going on here. >> i was singing at the easter egg roll thing, egg roll. >> stephen: yeah, egg roll. >> when i came out it sounded like an egg roll from chinese food. >> stephen: yeah. >> stephen: jesus loved egg rolls. at the last is upper, all egg rolls. >> did he? jewish people always go for chinese on those holidays, christmas and-- because chinese is always open and we never have-- we never celebrated. >> stephen: so you are jewish and were you pornling at the easter egg, egg roll. >> and i made a christmas album once. i'm a total hypocrite. >> stephen: or very welcoming and opening and includessive. >> yeah, a lot of jews wrote
they did. a lot of the famous ones. >> stephen: irving berlin, of course. sometimes it takes an outsider to see what is most beautiful about the thing you won't celebrate. its' lighted. >> i know. >> stephen: so what is happening here. i particularly like-- are you singing the national anthem. >> i'm singing the national anthem there. >> stephen: i like how this happened. >> isn't it crazy. it's like a mushroom trip. >> stephen: yeah. >> but i was, before hand it was early in the morning so i had to warm up my voice. i'm very disciplined so i vocalize all the time and they let me have the china room to vocalize in. >> stephen: you could shatter china. >> i was trying. i was just like-- but and then we got to meet them before we went out and i was with my son. it was amazing and my son and i talked about like what we would ask him. and my son said did you look like me when you were little. and he held his-- kind of like that famous picture they keep showing in the white house. >> stephen: the little boy asked.
he said oh man, i wish my hair was as cool as yours, you are much better looking than i was. it was so sweet. and then, and then i said mr. president, i'm sorry, nervous, national anthem t is totally rehumiliating if you forget the words. he leaned over, i'll help you. oh, say can you-- . >> stephen: he has a nice voice. >> he has a beautiful voice, yeah. >> stephen: maybe he could, you know, go into, you know, wicked when he leaves office, something like that. is that still running? >> it's still running. yes, it's still running. wouldn't that be funny if our president just went into musical theater. >> stephen: just went on in chicago. >> they have a million people do that. >> stephen: exactly. is that the only time you got a chance to perform for the first lady and the president. not that that doesn't surprise me. >> there was another time they were doing broadway night in the east room, east wing. >> stephen: east room.
>> east room and i sang the song from wicked called defying gravity, that big song where i gup, flying up in the air. and it is really high, and i need a lot of breathe and a lot of salivea to get it out. >> stephen: you were flying. >> no flying. >> stephen: the secret service would not like that, if they were flying you on wires. >> i had to stand right there and they are literally thaik close and i'm right there. and the girls are there and the president and the first lady and i was just singing. and i was spitting. i was spitting on them while i was singing, it was mortgage fying. >> stephen: the secret service doesn't like that either. >> i'm shawr they don't. >> stephen: it was a byo lazard. >> i'm like-- spit coming out. something is wrong with this picture. i love this president. >> stephen: well, yeah. don't get too attached. i've got some terrible news for you. >> i know. >> stephen: now you are making the lifetime remaining of "beaches." >> uh-huh, why did i do that, so stupid. >> stephen: why? because you get to sing wind beneath your wings, rt.
in the world thinks its sack ri lige. they're tweeting me. we love you idina but that's sack ri lige. >> stephen: has beth midler said anything to you. >> she tweeted it out a blast blessing. >> stephen: they can actually bless people. >> her tweets are almost as cool and widthy as yours. you know, like she's so funny. >> stephen: do my writers write her toos? >> i think about that. no, you come-- . >> stephen: they are all mine. >> they have to be all yours. >> stephen: my writers just write down what i say at the end of the show. >> but i follow you. >> stephen: you follow me? i should follow you too. >> don't follow me, i don't write smart tweets. >> stephen: they don't let me have a phone. >> yours are so smart and funny. mine are just like hey, had chocolate ice cream today. you know what i mean. it's like-- . >> stephen: i would love to read that. i would love to read that. we could direct mesessage each other if you were following me and we
we direct message each other? >> yes, we could. i'm not suggesting anything other than than. >> i would be honored b but it is so weird. i would much rather go and have a drink with you. >> stephen: that also would be a little weird. >> that would be weird too oh, sorry-- . >> stephen: hey, hon, have i to have a drink with idina menzel. >> she could come too. she could come too. i love her. i met the whole family. you came backstage. were you so nice and you sent flowers. your assistant probably did that too. >> stephen: no, i did that. no, but i said to my wife,-ee i'm going to have drinks with that women. >> who. >> the one that looks like the russian prostitute over there. (laughter). >> stephen: well, it was love leigh to see you. >> thank you for having me here. >> stephen: beaches premiers saturdays an a world tour all over the world, idina menzel,
>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my next guest is a golden globe winning star and creator of crazy ex girlfriend. please welcome rachelle bloom. (applause) nice to see you again. >> himent nice to see you again. i feel like a sexy salsa dancer in this. so i wanted to salsa dance. >> stephen: you tallly looked like a sexy salsa dancer in that. >> grassia.
>> stephen: congratulations on the golden globe nomination. i know you didn't win this year, you won last year disn win this year. >> that is what i love about the globs there was a reason that we got renewed to a second and third season. >> stephen: third season has just been announced. congratulations on that. (applause) i always thought the reason you like the golden globes is because there is a bar. >> there is a lot of alcohol. and this year because i was pretty certain i wasn't going to win, i got pretty crapped face pretty early on. >> stephen: you god globed faced. >> i got globed phase. >> stephen: i have never been but the emmys and grammies, the bar closes, as soon as the show starts the bar closes which is ridiculous, because when you lose, that is when you really want a cocktail. >> and then you have to area a hip flaccidk which is lard to fit under spanx. i thought b they make wine bras where you request put wine in a bra and kind of sip it. >> stephen: did you bring enough enough to share with everyone. >> i wish hi one right now, it
i could feed the fans. >> stephen: can i-- what is on the nails there. >> so i went to the globes last week and i wanted to-- i was nominated for acting and i wanted to say that you know, a lead actress on the show is only as good as her amazing costars so i got the faces of all of my costars on the nails. >> stephen: knew. >> that is pete gardner. >> yeah. >> stephen: i know that guy. we were friends back in chicago. i would recognize him on a finger nail anywhereness. >> i realize pete plays on my yoa shoa and pete's mustache is iconic but when we realized, because we had to do a version of him on a broom stick on the show, long story, check it out friday nights at 9:00. we realized his eyebrows were almost as thicket as his mustache. >> stephen: it's like like he has three mustaches on his face. he's three times the tom selleck. >> he really is. now you started off in musical theater and switched ove
comedy. >> yeah. >> stephen: you were at nyu, graduate student. >> i was undergrad. >> stephen: and then you swimped over to study with the people atu cb here in new york. why, you stayed still studying at nyu though, you just doubled up. >> i was kind of doing both. on a screch group at nyu and i really fell head over heels in love with comedy. like instantly as i started doing it. >> stephen: were you hedging your bets or obsessive, like you have to keep as much as possible. >> i-- you know what, i didn't, my whole life i had been like i want to be on broadway and if i don't get on broadway i'm a horrible person who should kill her severe. and i didn't have-- but that's how musical theater kids are, you are talented is synonymous with your self-worth, and it's not 45e89y. but when i got into comedy i hadn't told myself my whole life i'm going to a world famous comedian so i went into it with this open mind, i don't have to be the best, i just want to have fun. >> stephen: did you always want to be in show business. did you consider anything else.
you grew newspaper l.a. >> i did. >> stephen: you soo to consider show business in l.a., it's sort of like, it's the factory job in town. >> it is kind of the factory job. i grew up in the suburbs and no one in my family was really in show business except for my grandfather was like an amateur stand up comedians but stole all his jokes from books. but i did for awhile, i was also really interested in, i kind of wanted to be a surgeon for awhile. because i really like cutting things open and seeing their guts. and i voluntarily joined a-- dpsh. >> stephen: you know you have to put them back together again. did you find out about that part. >> what? no. >> stephen: musical theater or cut people open, so sweeney todd was your first musical i'm guessing. >> honestly one of my favorites, yes. >> stephen: why didn't you do the doctor? >> well, i joined the-- i joined this thing in my middle schooled, the future surgeons of mbms after school where we voluntarily dissected pigs the whole time. and i just accidentally kept cass traiting
just realized i don't have quite-- i think my-- i think i had too clumsy a hand. and so i went to the obvious next choice which was musical theater. >> stephen: crazy ex girl friend, the third season is coming up. there is a new episode coming up this friday at 9:00 as i have heard. >> yes. >> stephen: we have a clip from a new episode. you can set up what is happening in this? >> yeah, so my character who is a broken person is getting hit on by another broken person and the show is a musical and that's all you have to know. >> stephen: jim, let's watch the broken people. fortunately i want to have sex with you. ♪ don't know what happened. ♪ maybe you lost some weight.
the top of my to do list. ♪ let's get this over with. ♪ so i can focus on other tasks. ♪ let's have intercourse. ♪ just pretend i'm seducing you. ♪ come on let's quickly have intercourse. ♪ so i can move on. ♪ with my life. >> stephen: that's the part cbs will let me show. lovely to see you, thank you for being here. you can watch crazy ex girlfriends friday on the c-w. rachel bloom, everybody. we'll be right back with louie anderson. (applause)
quets." >> god where did you get that picture. >> off the internet. >> what, most wanted? i can't believe you did this. >> i'm really worried about him. and i thought if i put these up. >> martha, don't worry about this. this is what kids do. they try to get your attention. and chip is a master at that. when he was a kid he would go down to the parson, he would hide in their boat of 5u8 things. he's okay. >> have you checked their boat? >> no, and i'm not going to check their boat. he'll show up. i'm sure right now chip is having the time of his life. >> stephen: pleetion welcome louie anderson. (applause)
hi, everybody. >> you know it's so nice, my first time here, is every talk show i ever did i come out, i get the lay of the land. i got to look it over. >> stephen: so have you gotten it yet? >> beautiful, beautiful. >> stephen: what's the vibe you're getting. >> busm. you know, the audience is killer. (cheers and applause). >> stephen: you're absolutely right, absolutely right. >> the desk is an improvement. it's a beautiful desk. >> stephen: thank you very much. what do you think with what we have done to the place. >> i think i am in the sistine-- the seven teen chapel. >> stephen: better than the sistine chapel, the seven teen chapel. >> you get beer, you get burger. and the band is great. the band is great. >> stephen: well, congratulations. >> wait. >> stephen: what. >> the host is terrific. >> stephen: oh, y
>> but seriously. the host is terrific. >> stephen: congratulations you won the emmy this year for "baskets" you've had a long comedy career. did you ever think would you have this resurgence 30 years into your career playing zack galifianakis' mom. >> no, of course if i had that, i would be, you know, working for a paper doing predictions. but i did, i will tell you what i haven't told anybody this, that i don't think so. but when are you older you might have told people, i have heard it shut up. i did a year before i got the part i said a prayer. i am a person without does his prayers. and talks to god. and i said listen, i didn't say listen, cuz you don't-- . >> stephen: you got to get attention. >> well, he's always-- he's everywhere. you know that. >> stephen: are you catholic. >> no. my dad was a
people always ask me, when i was a kid, they say-- are are you pr you catholic. i go no, my dad was a musician. cuz i guess feel like that is a religion to some degree, you know. and he had no rhythm obviously because we have 11 children. sorry. i didn't mean to go that far. >> stephen: i interrupted your. >> my prayer. so i said god, here's what i would really likement i get a 4reu8 emotional sob careful. >> stephen: said be careful with god. >> no i said gd, you know, i really would love a part that would give me everything i've wanted in a part and i would love to have a job like that on tv or in a movie. and you know, i rarely ask for anything for myself. cuz that isn't really-- prayers are not really set up leak, that where you ask for stuff
time. and i asked for that part. and i knew i asked for the part. and the day i got it i got the call from louie ck. he said i'm with zack galifianakis. we're doing a sitcom, will you do a part in it. i said yeah. he said will you play zack's mother, i went yes, thank you, lord, thank you, thank you. it's a true story. >> stephen: did you base the work on anybody? >> my mom, my mom. >> stephen: i was wondering because-- here is a picture of you and your mom. >> horazella. hora ora glela anderson. ora is the first name and then zella which is, i don't know, i don't know, it's both names are unusual. i never -- . >> stephen: never asked what it means. >> you know, i i did i think an
for me. i go all right. >> stephen: mother of 11 children. >> moth ever of 11. >> stephen: where do you fall in the 11? >> most successful. i'm sorry. i just want to say to jimmy and janna and lisa, i didn't mean that, i'm sorry. >> stephen: i am one of 11 as well. >> oh, wow. >> stephen: and i am the baby of 11. >> i'm ten. >> stephen: i'm 11. >> i just slid out when i came. i was at the hospital, i was home before my mom got home. i messed that up. but it worked. >> stephen: yeah, sure, like a string bean. >> yes. >> stephen: can you, i like to raise people with big familiesk gi top to bottom. >> cuz i always add mom and dad, can you put-- you won't do that? >> stephen: i will do it.
>> you don't have to. >> stephen: start with mom and dad. >> no, you don't have to. >> stephen: i will throw in mom and dad. one, two, three and we'll start, okay. >> you okay with that. >> there have to be rules, louie. >> okay. ready, one, two, three. >> i can't do it when you're doing it. >> stephen: nice to see you. happy to you have here. i really enjoyed meeting you just now. w thank you. >> stephen: the second season of baskets premiers tomorrow on fx.