. >> okie-deoke, let me just -- tonight john krasinski. and now from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert. [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: thank you so much. whew. whew. thanks, ladies and gentlemen. that feels good. ha-ha. yes. thanks very much. all right. all right. have a good night. hey, welcome to the show, everybody. welcome to "the late show." good to see you. how is everybody feeling tonight all right? [ cheers and applause ] all righty. me, too. me, too. i feel good. being me. i'm stephen colbert and as we know, you guys have been watching the news, the first presidential debate is now less than one month away and apparently the candidates have two very different ways of preparing. [ laughter ] hillary clinton pores over briefing books, thick with policy arcana and opposition research. she rehearses over and over again to perfect the pacing and substance of her presentation. of course, you know she's the "uh, i'll answer your question, mr. moderator, but may i point out, you forgot to give us any homework today." meanwhile, donald trump is all about spectacle.
smith. human. and now, from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: nice to see you. ( cheers and applause ) how are you? ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. thanks down here. that's a fantastic. there's no-- you can't-- you cannot fake that. >> jon: right, yeah. >> stephen: you know that'sed from. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. your host this friday. folks, it's friday. ( applause ) ? it's friday it's friday oh ? it's friday ? >> stephen: i don't know what song you're dancing to but i like it. i have a quick word of warning before we get started tonight. tonight's monologue was created in a factory that also processes peanuts. it's important to say in case anyone has an allergy. especially now, because mylan, the company that produces these epipens right here-- anybody use one of these? they have jacked up the price of these pens for less than $100 yeah, that price is enough to send you into shock, but don't do it because you can't afford the pen anymore. now, m
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