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captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: after vladimir putin talked about building up russia's nuclear arsenal, mr. trump tweeted this, the united states must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until such time as the world comes to its senses regarding nukes. when asked to clarify, mr. trump told a reporter, let bit an arms race, we will outmatch them at every pass and outlast them all. ♪ it's time to cover >> hey, kids, you don't need to worry about nuclear explosions when you know what to do, so go ahead! trump and cover! >> i'm not sure this is adequate protection. >> but that's just the beginning! next, take out your phone and send that bomb a mean tweet! >> like what? this failing bomb will never explode! sad! #make america glow again! >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes adam driver, alexa davalo, and musical guest whitney, featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey! how are ya?! good to see ya! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ thank you very much! ( cheers and applause ) please have a seat! you're too kind. whoo! welcome to the "late show." i'm stephen colbert. man, winter is here. >> jon: it's here. >> stephen: everybody okay? everybody warm enough? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: it's freezing. it's like siberia out there, and not just because our new leader is vladimir putin. ( laughter ) speaking of which -- everybody's saying that russia hacked our election, so, today, senator john mccain held a hearing with the heads of the intelligence community. mccain made it clear the purpose of the hearing was to investigate cyber security, and not to, "question the outcome of the presidential election." yes, nobody's questioning the outcome. just questioning why god lets bad things happen to great nations. what did we do?! we're sorry! we're sorry! ( applause ) reporters asked if mccain has shared his concerns about russia with the president-elect. >> senator mccain, have you determined why the president-elect doesn't share the same concerns about russia as many republicans like yourself on capitol hill? >> no, i don't know. i haven't talked to him. >> stephen: yeah, hasn't caulked to him. mccain's just chairman of the senate armed services committee. trump's talking to the important people, like senator kanye. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and at the hearing today, every head of the u.s. intelligence agencies testified that russia was unequivocally behind the election hack. but instead of u.s. agencies, up till now, trump has been trusting wikileaks founder and middle-aged draco malfoy, julian assange. but this morning trump tried to distance himself from assange, tweeting, "the dishonest media likes saying that i am in agreement with julian assange. wrong. i simply state what he states, it is for the people..." ( deep breath ) "...to make up their own minds as to the truth. the media lies to make it look like i am against 'intelligence' when in fact i am a big fan!" yes, big fan! super fan! super fan! yes, donald trump loves intelligence! and you know what they say, "if you love something, let it go." ( laughter ) that's true leadership. i just type any claim you hear and let people decide what's true: "billy told me if a boy and a girl touch butts, the girl gets pregnant. true? you decide! sad!" ( laughter ) >> jon: oh, oh. >> stephen: not true. that's not true, jon. that's not how it works. you've got to shake hands, too. or do circle dot cootie shot, you're fine. >> jon: i thought it was the stork that comes out. >> stephen: you believe the stork thing? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: no, they're extinct. >> jon: wow. >> stephen: it's sad. ( laughter ) but where were we? oh, trump. but here's what's also weird about trump's assange tweet. he tweeted the first part of this sentence at 8:25 a.m., but finished the thought 20 minutes later. ( laughter ) how can he have plan for america when he doesn't have a plan for the end of the sentence? mr. trump, it's time to get off twitter and stop being such a whiny mother... i'll finish that word in about twenty minutes. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ♪ but enough about the hacking of our democracy, let's get to the big news. former american idol runner-up, bo bice, says he was called "white boy" at popeye's. that is shocking. the only appropriate time to call someone "white boy" is when you're instructing them to play that funky music. ("play that funky music") ♪ that's as funky as i can get. i can funk one word -- hey! >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: really good song. based on a true story. ( laughter ) apparently, bice was in the atlanta airport waiting for his order at popeye's -- i'm going to say "butterfly shrimp tacklebox"-- when, according to bice, "the three ladies behind the counter asked whose food it was. just when i turned around, one of them said 'that white boy.' if tables had been turned and i used something as insensitive like that, i would be boycotted. people wouldn't buy my albums." and i don't even want to imagine a world where people don't buy bo bice albums. ( laughter ) no! bice is upset, but it's hard to tell. >> and the fact that i've got to sit on tv and come down a notch and look like a petty little brat by tweeting and facebooking this just to open up dialog so we can have an adult conversation is ridiculous -- and america, you should be ashamed. >> stephen: yeah, america. ( laughter ) all of you should be ashamed of what three women working at popeye's did. how dare all of you force bo bice to look like a petty little brat by tweeting and facebooking and going on tv to cry! i mean, what other choice did he have? not be on tv? no! you know what? here's what upsets me most -- you people at popeye's should know his name. that's bo bice. you're at a popeye's. you should call him something fun like "red beans and bice!" or "bo biscuits!" or "the american fry-dol!" now, i am white and i am a boy. i'm about the whitest boy you're ever going to meet. john, have you met anybody whiter than me? >> jon: yeah, i think i know somebody. >> stephen: who? >> jon: a guy i grew up with. >> stephen: what's his name. >> jon: andy. >> stephen: you know andy, that white guy? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: we meet at the white meeting. yeah, i know andy. ( laughter ) i just want to say, popeye's, call me whatever you want -- white boy, nino blanco, commander mayonnaise -- whatever -- andy -- just whenever my order is ready, get the butterfly shrimp into the chew hole! ( laughter ) speaking of white boys, utah. any utah fans here? ( one or two cheering ) >> stephen: that's about right. are there any porn fans here? ( cheering ) well, brace yourself, because utah state senator todd weiler has announced a bill that will give people the ability to sue pornographers, in an attempt to prove that watching their product causes emotional and psychological damage. finally, it's well-known that porn causes psychological damage. mostly for the pizza delivery guy, who just wants to do his job and deliver the pie. ladies, for the last time, it's not a euphemism -- extra sausage is just a topping! senator weiler says the porn industry is a public menace and should be open to lawsuits because, right now, porn is available without any warnings and labeling. it's true. it is time to label porn! how else will people find "mature redheads on farm equipment," or "sexy lady blacksmiths?" point is, if this bill passes, people will be able to sue the porn industry for damages, and lawyers are already standing by to help. i saw this ad today. let me see if i've still got it on the old t bill. >> hi there. has this happened the to you? you're enjoying a classic film about sorority slut house only for it to turn out the to be porn and you suffer emotional trauma? >> we've all been there sometimes three or four times a day. you need to call galino and farns. our trial attorneys are trained to deal with all types of pornography. including thermal inversion. >> the scorpions reunion tour. big bang theory. girl on girl. uy. duck on horse. mustard on hot dog. and of course, malcolm in the middle. so pick up the phone with your free hand, don't master wait. call today! ♪ pornography attorneys ♪ 1-800-69 >> stephen: yeah! ( cheers and applause ) we've got a great show for tonight. adam driver is here! so stick around. you totanobody's hurt, new car. but there will still be pain. it comes when your insurance company says they'll only pay three-quarters of what it takes to replace it. what are you supposed to do? drive three-quarters of a car? now if you had liberty mutual new car replacement™, you'd get your whole car back. i guess they don't want you driving around on three wheels. smart. with liberty mutual new car replacement™, we'll replace the full value of your car. liberty stands with you™. liberty mutual insurance. ever tryou get hungry good, just thinking about it? at red lobster's big festival of shrimp, get your perfect pair for just $15.99. choose 2 of 6 new and classic shrimp creations, like bold new firecracker red shrimp. exploding with flavor? yeah they are. or try new creamy shrimp linguini, and new sweet bourbon-brown sugar grilled shrimp. flavors like these are big. and for just $15.99, they can't last. so hurry in. ♪ what ari can explain...s 11pm. you should be out there disappointing your father. i need to clean this place up. bloopy, bad judgement and loopy. hunger keeps inventing new problems, so we invented snickers® crisper. it's just a cough.our cough, sfx: woman coughing you'd see how often you cough all day. and so would everyone else. robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to 12 hours. robitussin 12 hour cough relief, because it's never just a cough. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! thank you, ladies and gentlemen! ( cheers and applause ) say hi to jon batiste and "stay human"! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey! hey! >> stephen: jon, quick question -- we were talking before the break about your friend andy. do you ever still talk to him? >> yeah, yeah, occasionally when i go back to new orleans, i see him. >> stephen: okay. say hi for me, please. >> i will. but you know him, so you can say hi, too. >> stephen: yeah, we just -- we had a falling out. >> oh you don't talk anymore? >> stephen: we don't talk anymore. i heard he was whiter than i am and it upset me. >> jon: sorry about that. that's how it goes. >> stephen: that's all right, not your fault. my first guest tonight has worked with steven spielberg, jj abrams, jim jarmusch, martin scorsese, and now stephen colbert. please welcome adam driver! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: welcome back! thanks. >> stephen: nice to see you again. had you on last year. had a really nice time. thank you for coming back. >> yeah. >> stephen: one of the things i learned last time when you were here you went to juilliard when these guys were there. >> yeah. >> stephen: they've told us some stories about you since you were here last time, and these guys say -- and this is right -- you were known for making your classmates cry -- >> that's partly true. >> stephen: what part of it is crew, the crying part? >> yeah. >> stephen: why? i mean, well, not purposefully. i had just come right out of the military so -- >> stephen: you were a marine as some people may not know. >> i was in the marine corps. ( cheers and applause ) and you're just used to yo talkg to people in a different way than in the civilian world, and i had to tone it down a bit and realize the stakes aren't always that high. like if someone uses your yoga mat and gets ass sweat on your yoga mat, it's no reason to ream them out for it. >> stephen: actually, i think that is a reason to ream somebody out. ass sweat on my yoga mat. but you were intense. >> you can say that in a respectful way. >> stephen: what is the respectful way? >> don't get your ass sweat on my yoga mat, please. >> stephen: that's very nice. yeah. >> stephen: you also do something called -- you have a none-profit called arts in the armed forces. what's that? >> we do contemporary theater for the military audience. that's how i heard of jon through the channels at school, but he did one of our first performances where he took two or three-minute speeches from contemporary american plays and we just read it for military audiences. it's not military-themed in any way. >> stephen: with the u.s.o., active duty people? >> it is for active duty veterans and veterans and their families and we just perform plays. now we're kind of reading plays all over. been to walter reed, bethesda, maryland, kuwait, kind of all the over the world and the united states. it's like raising money for an arts nonprofit is pretty difficult. >> stephen: yeah, challenging. but it's a good challenge when you try to convince a military audience or any audience a play is important. it's kind of taken off in the past few years in a really great way. >> stephen: that's great. thank you very much. ( applause ) now, you've actually got two movies out now which are both getting great notices. silence with martin scorsese and paterson with jim jarmusch. very different to work with, those two guys. >> yeah, different projects. >> stephen: well totally different projects, and as directors, no wrong answer, who's better? >> jim scorsese. you know, they're both difficult. scorsese is someone i've always wanted to work with ever since i was a kid. he probably doesn't want to hear that -- because he's older. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's the part he didn't want to hear, for the record. >> but jim is the same. not only his movies, but who he is as a person is kind of amazing, if you've met him. >> stephen: i would love to. but both are equally different projects and equally different people and they -- the value of them is hard to kind of quantify. >> stephen: now, in "silence" you play a 17th century jesuit priest -- >> yeah. >> stephen: -- who goes to japan to try to find liam neeson. he's another missionary priest, all right, who i assume has been taken by the japanese. >> yeah, right. ( laughter ) >> stephen: who has a particular set of skills which include the seven sacraments. ( laughter ) and this is closed japan where no westerners were allowed in? >> yeah, it basically got to a certain point where they felt their political identity was lost and they wanted to recapture it. so all the temples that were there were destroyed and turned into churches and all these christians, suddenly, nagasaki was kind of known as the rome of the east because christianity and catholicism kind of spread like wildfire and some of the people there, the showguns, didn't see their country anymore and eradicated it forcefully from the country. >> stephen: in the movie, you are with other christian japanese who are being tested in your faith, and we have a clip here of y'all being tested in your faith by being forced to trample an image of christ to prove that you aren't a christian. >> right. >> stephen: and you and garfield have different opinions as to what the response should be to this. >> mm-hmm. >> stephen: jim? we are forced to trample on the lord. >> you must pray for courage. but if we do not do what they want, there can be danger for every christian. they can be put in prison, they will be there forever. what should we do? >> trample. trample. it's all right to trample. >> what are you saying? you can't. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, you also -- some people may not know this, you're also in this little thing called "star wars." ( cheers and applause ) and you play a monkish character. >> yeah. >> stephen: first of all, i'm sorry for the loss of your friend and colleague carry fisher. >> oh, yeah. >> stephen: we had her on before christmas and she was a delight to have on. it was an honor to talk to her. what was she like to work with on set? was she fun? >> yeah, as you can tell from meeting her, she burns very bright and has such a great, very generous energy for that suddenly not to be on set, and we are talking about it and publicity or in life when you see her in a "star wars" event or anywhere, she's just -- you know, to have her character, not just in the movie, but her character missing from that very small unit is a tragedy. >> stephen: well, i know, have you already finished the next installment of the movie? >> we finished the second one last summer. i think the last time i saw her was on set being princess leia. >> stephen: were you a fan of these movies growing up? >> i was. >> stephen: i was an enormous fan. i saw a preview and i was very excited. i love your lightsaber with the handle. >> yes, right. >> stephen: i'm a big defender of the lightsaber. >> you articulated it better than anyone else. >> stephen: because i believe in it. i got to have a lightsaber or a laser sword he calls it with george lucas which was very exciting. do you thumb wrestle? >> i do, yeah. >> stephen: would you be willing to thumb wrestle me with light sabers? >> yes! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: just put it on the thumb. >> i'm missing two -- >> stephen: it's an older model. you want to put it on the top so i wil won't have an advantage or you. ready? >> yeah, but you're putting -- >> stephen: what are you doing? put it right in the middle right here? do we have a setup here? do we have a shot at it? there you go. one two three four. >> one two three four. ( lightsaber sounds ) >> one two three four, now you start a thumb war burks again. that's it, right? >> stephen: slightly different. ready? one, two, three, four, now we start a star war! ( saber sounds ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: adam. adam. just be honest. i'm not going to make you cry, am i? ( laughter ) we'll be right back with more adam driver. stick around. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: all right! did you let me win? >> stephen: did i let you win? yes. i let you win. we're back with adam driver. and, you're from a small town in indiana, right? >> i am. >> stephen: where? mosmishawaka. >> stephen: do you still think of yourself as a small town guy? >> yes. >> stephen: how did it shape you? >> my first job was as a dishwasher -- i'm trying to remember the name of it, mansion. i went to beeger middle school. they're probably related. >> stephen: there was a rich guy named beeger at one point. >> the schools and the mansions. they usually go hand in hand. i was a dishwasher. that was my first job in mishawaka. >> stephen: were you good at it? >> no, i was bad at it. i overthought it. >> stephen: you overthought it? >> yeah, this is not clean enough, i have to do it again. ( laughter ) >> stephen: we love small to
