Confessions. With an English translation by William Watts. 1631

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i

HE LOEB CLASSICAL LIBRARY

. ^EDITED BY
.PPS Ph.D., LL.U. T. E. PAGE, Litt.D. W. H. D. ROUSE, LiTX.D.

ST. AUGUSTINE'S
CONFESSIONS

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S
CONFESSIONS

WTTH AN ENCILISH TIIA^SLATION BY

WILLIAM WATTS

1631

l.\ T\\0 VOLUMK&
1

LONDON : WILLIAM HEINEMANN
NEW YORK . : G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS

MCMXIX

^(Z

4 y

fi&^^^

V, 1

•int printed. 1912,
Riprinted l6l9.

PREFACE

AuRELius AuGusTiNus was borii at Tagaste, in Nu-
miclia, November }3, a.d. 354, and died August 30,
430. It was in 373 that he joined the Manichaeans,
and in 386 he was converted to Catholicism. He
returned to Africa in 388, was ordained presbyter
in 391, and in S9i> became Bisliop of Hippo^ where
he lived until his death. His first book^ I)e Pulcliro
ct Aplo, is lost. Besides the Confessions, he wrote
Dc Doctrina Christiana, Encheiridion, De Trinitafc,
De Civitaie Dei, Rctractaiiones, and a number of
controversial and other pamphlets.

There is no need to say much of the contents of
this book. Some it will attract by its devotion,
some by its philosophy perhaps ; but all it will charm
by its complete sincerity. The scenes of Augustine's
early life stand out like pictures ; and his mother
lives before our mind's eye as if we had seen her in
the flesh. The psychologist will notice how acutely
the author traces the workings of his own mind,
particularly in childhood.

This is a reprint of William Watts's translation
(with Scripture references), corrected according to
Knoll's text, with the help of the translations of
Pusey ( 1 838) and C. Bigg (Books I. to IX. ; Methuen,
1897-1909) and the annotated text of J. Gibb and
W. Montgomery (Cambridge Patristic Texts, 19O8).

William Watts, Rector of St. Alban's, Wood Street,
London (1590.^-1649), published his translation in
1631 ; "This translation I began," he says, "for

PREFACE

the exercise of my Lenten Devotions; but I quickly
found it to exercise more than my Devotions : it exer-
cised my skill, (all I had); it exercised my Patience,
it exercised my Friends too (for it is incomparably
the hardest task that ever 1 yet undertook)." The
present editor is inclined to echo this remark. For
the first two books especially, and partly later, he
used an earlier translation by Sir Tobie Matthew
(London, 1624 ; second edition Paris, 1638), to whom
he alludes in his notes with often upbraiding as " the
Papist."

Pusey based his translation on Watts, but it is
really rewritten. In the present edition I have kept
Watts's text as far as possible, and where it had
to be corrected I have tried to keep his style. The
style of Augustine, both condensed in phrase and
formless in structure, could not possibly be repro-
duced : and I am much mistaken if readers will not
enjoy the leisurely flow of Watts's rhythms, and for-
give him heartily for using more words than he need
have used.

The Latin text is Knoll's (Teubner, 1909), with
rather simpler spelling, fuller punctuation, and a
very few changes which are noted at the foot of the
page.

W. H. D. ROUSE

VI

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Editio Pfinceps :

Collected Works: Anierbacli, Basle^ 1506; re-
printed Paris, 1515.
Confessions: Mediolani, 1475.

Latest Critical Edition :

Confessions: P. Knoll, Teubner, 1909.

Translations (of the Confessions) :
Sir Tobie Matthew, 1()24<.
William Watts, London, l631.
E. B. Pusey (with Latin text and notes), Riv-

ington, 1838, 2 vols.
C. Bigg, Books I.-IX., Methuen, 1897-1909.

Illustrative Works :

Opera emendata studio monacliorum ordinis

S. Benedicts Paris, 1679-1700; reprinted

Gaume, Paris, 18S6-39; with life.
Schrockh : Kirchengeschiehte, vol. xv.
Neander : Geschichte der Christlichen Religion

und Kirche, vol. ii.
Cunningham : St. Austin and his place in the

History of Christian Thought, London, 1886.
Gwatkin : The Knowledge of God, 1 908, vol. ii.

Vll

BOOK I

LIBER PRIMVS
I

CAP. Magnus es, domine, et laudabilis valde : magna
virtus tua, et sapientiae tuae non est numerus. et
laudare te vult homo, aliqua portio creaturae tuae, et
homo circumferens mortalitatem suam, circumferens
testimonium peccati sui et testimonium, quia super-
bis resistis : et tamen laudare te vult homo, aliqua
portio creaturae tuae. tu excitas, ut laudare te
delectet, quia fecisti nos ad te et inquietum est cor
nostrum, donee requiescat in te. da mihi, domine,
scire et intellegere, utrum sit prius invocare te an
laudare te, et scire te prius sit an invocare te. sed
quis te invocat nesciens te ? aliud enim pro alio
potest invocare nesciens. an potius invocaris, ut
sciaris.'* quomodo autem invocabunt, in quem non
crediderunt ? aut quomodo credent sine praedi-
cante.'* et laudabunt dominum qui requirunt eum.
quaerentes enim inveniunt eura et invenientes lauda-
bunt eum. quaeram te, domine, invocans te, et in-
vocem te credens in te : praedicatus enim es nobis.
2

THE FIRST BOOK

He admires God's Majesty y and is injlamed with
a deep desire of praising him

Great art thou^ O Lord, and greatly to be praised : CHi.P.
great is thy power, and thy wisdom is infinite. And ^
man, who being a part of what thou hast created, is ^^- c^^vii. 5
desirous to praise thee ; this man, bearing about his
own mortality with him, carrying about him a testi-
mony of his own sin, (even this testimony, that
God resisteth the proud ;) yet this man, this part James
of what thou hast created, is desirous to praise thee ; *^- *
thou so provokest him, that he even delighteth to
praise thee. For thou hast created us for thyself,
and our heart cannot be quieted till it may find
repose in thee. Grant me, Lord, to know and under-
stand what I ought first to do, whether call upon
thee, or praise thee ? and which ought to be first,
to know thee, or to call upon thee } But who can
rightly call upon thee, that is yet ignorant of thee ?
for such an one may instead of thee call upon
another. Or art thou rather first called upon,
that thou may est so come to be known ? But how
then shall they call on him, in whom they have Kom. x. u
not believed? and how shall they believe with-
out a preacher.'' And again, they shall praise the
Lord that seek after him : for, they that seek shall Matt.
find ; and finding they shall praise him. Thee will vii. 7
I seek, O Lord, calling upon thee ; and I will call
upon thee, believing in thee : for thou hast been

$

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. invocat te^ domine, fides mea, quam dedisti mihi,
quam inspirasti mihi per humanitatem filii tui, per
ministerium praedicatoris tui.

II

CAP. Et quomodo invocabo deum meurrij deum et
dominum meum^ quoniam utique in me ipsum eum
invocabo, cum invocabo eum ? et quis locus est in
me, quo veniat in me deus meus ? quo deus veniat
in me, deus, qui fecit caelum et terram ? itane,
domine deus meus, est quicquam in me, quod capiat
te ? an vero caelum et terr^, quae fecisti et in
quibus me fecisti, capiunt te ? an quia sine te non
esset quidquid est, fit, ut quidquid est capiat te ?
quoniam itaque et ego sum, quid peto, ut venias in
me, qui non essem, nisi esses in me ? non enim ego
iam in inferis,^ et tamen etiam ibi es. nam etsi
descendero in infernum, ades. non ergo essem, deus
meus, non omnino essem, nisi esses in me. an potius
non essem, nisi essem in te, ex quo omnia, per quem
omnia, in quo omnia } etiam sic, domine, etiam sic.
quo te invoco, cum in te sim .'' aut unde venias in
me ? ' quo enim recedam extra caelum et terram, ut

1 In inferis : most MSS. inferi.
4.

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

declared unto us. My faith, O Lord, calls upon chap.
thee, which thou hast given me, which thou hast ^
inspired into me ; even by the humanity of thy Son,
and by the ministry of thy preacher.

II

Man hath his being from God ; and that God is
in man, and man in God

And how shall I call upon my God, my Lord and chap.
God } because that when I invoke him, I call him ^^
into myself: and what place is there in me fit foi
my God to come into me by, whither God may come
into me; even that God which made heaven and
earth } Is it so, my Lord God } Is there anything
in me which can contaiti thee ? Nay, can both
heaven and earth which thou hast made, and in
which thou hast made me, in any wise contain thee ?
Or else because whatsoever is, could not subsist
without thee, must it follow thereupon, that what-
soever hath being, is endued with a capacity of
thee } Since therefore I also am, how do I entreat
thee to come into me, who could not be, unless
thou wert first in me ? For I am not after all
in hell, and yet thou art there : For if I go Ps. xiii. 28
down into hell, thou art there also. I should
therefore not be, O God, yea I should have no being
at all, unless thou wert in me : or rather, I should
not be, unless I had my being in thee ; of whom, Kom. xi. se
and through whom, and to whom are all things.
Even so it is. Lord, even so. Wherefore, then, do
I invoke thee, seeing I am already in thee } Or
whence canst thou come into me.'' For whither

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. inde in me veniat deus meus, qui dixit : caelum et
terram ego impleo ?

Ill

CAP. Capiunt ergone te caelum et terra, quoniam tu
imples ea ? an imples et restat, quoniam non te
capiunt ? et quo refundis quidquid impleto caelo et
terra restat ex te ? an non opus habes, ut quoquam
continearis_, qui contines omnia^ quoniam quae imples
continendo imples ? non enim vasa, quae te plena
sunt, stabilem te faciunt, quia etsi fraiigantur non
effunderis. et cum effunderis super nos, non tu iaces,
sed erigis nos, nee tu dissiparis, sed^colligis nos. sed
quae imples omnia, te toto imples omnia, an quia
nou possunt te totum capere omnia, partem tui
capiunt et eandem partem simul omnia capiunt ? an
singulas singula et maiores maiora, minores minora
capiunt ? ergo est aliqua pars tua maior, aliqua minor ?
an ubique totus es et res nulla te toLum capit ?

*1

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

shall I go, beyond heaven and earth, that from cha.p.
thence my God may come unto me ? who hath said, ^^
The heaven and earth do I fill. *^* • ^^i*'

24

III

God ts wholly evei-yrvhere, and is not hy paHs
contained by the Creature

Do therefore the heaven and earth contain thee, chap.
seeing thou fillest them ? Or dost thou fill them, ^^^
and there yet remains an overplus of thee, because
they are not able to comprehend thee? If so, mto
what dost thou pour whatsoever remaineth of thee
after heaven and earth are filled? Is it not that
thou hast no need to be contained by something,
thou who containest all things ; seeing that what
thou fillest, by containing them thou fillest. For
those vessels which are full of thee, add no stability
to thee ; for were they broken, thou art not shed
out : and when thou art shed upon us, thou art not
spilt, but thou raisest us up ; nor art thou scattered,
but thou gatherest up us : but thou who fillest
all, with thy whole self dost thou fill thein all. Or
because these things cannot contain all of thee,
do they receive a part of thee; and do all at
once receive the same part of thee ? or, several
capacities, several parts ; and greater things, greater
parts; and less, lesser? Is therefore one part of
thee greater, or another lesser? Or art thou all
everywhere, and nothing contains thee wholly?

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
IV

CAP. Quid est er^o deus meus ? quid, rogo, nisi domi-
nus deus ? quis enim dominus praeter dominum ?
aut quis deus praeter deum nostrum ? summe, optime,
potentissime, omnipotentissime, misericordissime et
iustissime, secretissime et praesentissime, pulcherrime
et fortissime, stabilis et inconprehensibilis, inmuta-
bilis, mutans omnia, numquam novus, numquam vetus,
innovans omnia ; in vetustatem perducens superbos
et nesciunt ; semper agens, semper quietus, colligens
et non egens, portans et implens et protegens, creans
et nutriens, perficiens, quaerens, cum nihil desit tibi.
amas nee aestuas, zelas et securus es ; paenitet te et
non doles, irasceris et tranquillus es, opera mutas nee
mutas consilium; recipis quod invenis et numquam
amisisti; numquam inops et gaudes lueris, numquam
avarus et usuras exigis. supererof^atur tibi, ut debeas,
et quis habet quicquam non tuum ? reddens debita
nulli debenSj donans debita nihil perdens. et quid
diximuSj deus meus, vita mea, dulcedo mea sancta,
aut quid dicit aliquis, cum de te dicit ? et vae tacen-
tibus de te, quoniam loquaces muti sunt.

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

IV

An admirable description of God^s Attributes

What is therefore my God ? What, I ask, but the chap.
Lord God? For who is Lord but the Lord? Or iv
who is God besides our God ? O thou supreme, ^*" ^^*"
most excellent, most mighty, most omnipotent,
most merciful and most just ; most secret and most
present ; most beautiful and most strong ; constant
and incomprehensible ; immutable, yet changing all
things; never new, and never old; renewing all
things, and insensibly bringing proud men into de- job ix. 5
cay ; ever active, and ever quiet ; gathering together,
yet never wanting; upholding, filling, and protecting;
creating, nourishing and perfecting all things ; still
seeking, although thou standest in need of nothing.
Thou lovest, yet art not transported ; art jealous,
but without fear ; thou dost repent, but not grieve ;
art angry, but cool still. Thy works thou changest,
but not thy counsel ; takest what thou findest, never
losest aught. Thou art never needy, yet glad of
gain ; never covetous, yet ex*ctest advantage. Men
pay thee in superabundance of all things, that thou
mayest be the debtor : and who hath anything which
is not thine ? Thou payest debts, yet owest nothing ;
forgivest debts, yet losest nothing. And shall we
say, my God, my Life, my holy Delight : or what can
any man say when he speaks of thee ? And woe to
them that speak nothing in thy praise, seeing those
that speak most, are dumb.

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVxM LIBER I

CAP. Quis mihi dabit adquicscere in te ? quis dabit
mihi, ut venias in cor meum et inebries illud, ut ob-
liviscar maia mea et unum bonum meum amplectar,
te ? quid mihi es ? miserere, ut loquar. quid tibi sum
ipse, ut amari te iubeas a me et, nisi faciam, irascaris
mihi et mineris ingentes miserias ? parvane ipsa est,
si non amem te ? ei mihi ! die mihi per miserationes
tuas, domine deus meus, quid sis mihi. die animae
meae : salus tua ego sum. sic die, ut audiam. ecce
aures cordis mei ante te, domine ; aperi eas et die
animae meae : salus tua ego sum. curram post vocem
banc et adprehendam te. noli abscondere a me
faciem tuam : moriar, ne moriar, ut earn videam.

Angusta est domus animae meae, quo venias ad
eam : dilateturabs te. ruinosa est : refice eam. habet
quae ofFendant oculos tuos : fateor et scio. sed quis
mundabit eam } aut cui alteri praeter te clamabo :
ab occultis meis munda me, domine, et ab alienis
parce servo tuo ? credo, propter quod et loquor.
domine, tu^scis. nonne tibi prolocutus sum adversum
me delicta mea, deus meus, et tu dimisisti inpietatem
cordis mei } non iudicio contendo tecum, qui Veritas
es ; et ego nolo fallere me ipsum, ne mentiatur
10

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

V

He prays for forgiveness of sins, and the
Love of God

Who shall procure for me, that I may repose in chap.
thee ? Who shall procure thee to enter into my ^
heart ; and so to inebriate it, that I may forget my
own evils, and embrace thee, my only good ? What
art thou to me ? let me find grace to speak to thee.
What am I to thee, that thou shouldest command
me to love thee, and be angry with me, yea and
threaten me with great mischiefs, unless I do love
thee .'' Is it to be thought a small misery in itself,
not to love thee ? Woe is me ! Answer me for thy
mercy's sake, O Lord my God^ what thou art unto me :
Say unto my soul, I am thy Salvation. Speak it out, Ps. xxxv.
that I may hear thee. Behold, the ears of my heart
are before thee, O Lord, open them, and say unto
my soul, I am thy salvation. I will run after that
voice, and take hold of thee. Hide not thy face
from me : let me die lest I die, that I may see it.

My soul's house is too strait for thee to come
into : let it be enlarged by thee : 'tis ruinous, but do
thou repair it. There be many things in it, I both
confess and know, which may offend thine eyes ;
but who can cleanse it ? or to whom but thee shall I
cry. Cleanse me, O Lord, from my secret sins, and ps. xix. 12
from strange sins deliver thy servant ; I believe, and ps. cxvi. i
therefore do I speak. Thou knowest, O Lord, that
I have confessed my sins against mine own self, O
my God ; and thou forgavest me the iniquity of my
heart. 1 will not plead with thee, who art Truth : jer. ii. 29
and I will not deceive myself, lest my iniquity be a
false witness to itself. I will not therefore plead

n

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. iniquitas mea sibi. non ergo iudicio contendo tecum,
quia, si iniquitates observaveris, domine, domine, quis
sustinebit ?

VI

CAT. Sed tamen sine me Toqiii apud misericordiam

VI

tuam, me terram et cinerem, sine tamen loqui, quo-
niam ecce misericordia tua est, non iiomo, inrisoi
meus, cui loquor. et tu fortasse inrides me, sed con-
versus misereberis mei. quid enim est quod volo
dicere, domine, nisi quia nescio, unde venerim hue,
in istam, dico vitam mortalem, an mortem vitalem ?
nescio. et susceperunt me consolationes misera-
tionum tuarum, sicut audivi a parentibus carnis meae,
ex quo et in qua me formasti in tempore ; non enim
ego memini. exceperunt ergo me consolationes
tactis humani, nee mater mea vel nutrices meae sibi
ubera implebant, sed tu mihi per eas dabas alimentum
infantiae, secundum institutionem tuam, et divitias
usque ad fundum rerum dispositas. tu etiam mihi
dabas nolle amplius, quam dabas, et nutrientibus me
dare mihi velle quod eis dabas : dare enim mihi per
ordinatum affectum volebant quo abundabant ex te.
nam bonum erat eis bonum meum ex eis, quod ex
12

S. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

with thee : for if thou, Lord, shouldest be extreme chap.
to mark what is done amiss, O Lord, O Lord, who ^
may abide it ? ^s. cxxx.

VI

That he hath received all blessings from God :
and how he hath been preserved by him

Yet suffer me to plead before thy Mercy, even chap.
me, who am but dust and ashes: once again let ^i
me speak, seeing 'tis thy mercy to which 1 address
my speech, and not man who is my mocker. Yet
even thou perhaps dost smile at me ; but turning,
thou wilt pity me. What is it that I would say,

Lord my God, but even this : that I know not
whence I came hither; into this, a dying life (shall

1 call it) or a living death rather ? I know not. And
the comforts of thy mercies did take me up, as I
have heard it of the parents of my flesh, out ot
whom, and in whom thou sometimes did form me,
for I myself cannot remember it. The comfort
therefore of a woman's milk did then entertain me :
yet did neither my mother nor nurses fill their own
breasts ; but thou, O Lord, didst by them afford a
nourishment fit for my infancy, even according to
thine own institution, and those riches of thine,
reaching to the root of all things. Thou also in-
graftedst in me a desire to suck no more than thou
suppliedst them withal ; and in my nurses to afford
me what thou gavest them : for they were willing
to dispense unto me with proportion, what thou
suppliedst them with in abundance. For it was a
blessing to them, that I received this blessing from

13

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. eis non, sed per eas erat : ex te quippe bona omnia,
deus, et ex deo meo salus mihi universa. quod anim-
adverti postmodum clamante te mihi per haec ipsa,
quae tribuis intus et foris. nam tunc sugere noram
et adquiescere delectationibus, flere autem offensiones
carnis meae, nihil amplius.

Post et ridere coepi, dormiens primo, deinde vigi-
lans. hoc enim de me mihi indicatum est et credidi,
quoniam sic videmus ahos infantes ; nam ista mea
non memini. et ecce paulatim sentiebam, ubi essem,
et voluntates meas volebam ostendere eis, per quos
implerentur, et non poteram, quia illae intus erant,
foris autem illi, nee ullo suo sensu valebant introire
in animam meam. itaque iactabam et membra et
voces, signa similia voluntatibus meis, pauca quae
poteram, qualia poteram : non enim erant veri
similia. et cum mihi non obtemperabatur, vel non
intellecto vel ne obesset, indignabar non subditis
maioribus, et liberis non servientibus, et me de illis
flendo vindicabam. tales esse infantes didici, quos
discere potui, et me talem fuisse magis mihi ipsi in-
dicaverunt nescientes quam scientes nutritores mei.

Et ecce infantia mea olim mortua est et ego vivo,
14

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

them ; which yet was rather by them, than from chap.
them. For all good things proceed from thee, ^^

God, and from my God cometh all my health-
fulness. And so much I observed afterwards, when
thou didst cry unto me by those instincts of nature
which thou induedst me withal, both inwardly and
outwardly. For then first I knew how to suck ; and
to be contented with what did please me, and to cry
at what offended my flesh, nothing more.

Afterwards I began also to laugh ; first sleeping,
and then waking : for thus much was told me of my-
self, and I easily believed it, for that we see other in-
fants do so too. For these things of myself I remember
not. And behold, by little and little I came on to per-
ceive where I was ; and I had the will to signify what

1 would have, to those that should help me to it : but
I could not yet clearly enough express my desires to
them ; for these were within me, and they without
me ; nor could the guess of their senses dive into
my meaning. Thereupon would I flutter with my
limbs, and sputter out some words, making some
other few signs, like to my wishes, as well as I
could ; but could not get myself to be understood
by them : and when people obeyed me not, either
for that they understood me not, or lest what I
desired should hurt me ; then how would I wrangle
at those elder servants that would not submit to me,
and the children that did not aptly humour me, and
I thought to revenge myself upon them all, with
crying. And this is, as I have learned, the fashion
of all children, that I could hear of: and such an
one was I, as those taught me, not knowing, better
than my nurses who knew.

And now behold, my infancy is dead long ago, yet
I live still. But thou, O Lord, who both livest for

15

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. tu autem, domine, qui et semper vivis et nihil mori-
tur in te, quoniam ante primordia saeculorum et ante
omne, quod vel aiite dici potest, tu es et deus es
dominusque omnium, quae creasti, et apud te rerum
omnium instabilium stant causae, et rerum omnium
mutabilium inmutabiles manent origines, et omnium
inrationalium et temporalium sempiternae vivuni
rationes, die mihi suppliei tuo, deus, et misericors
misero tuo, die mihi, utrum alicui iam aetati meae
mortuae successerit infantia mea. an ilia est, quam
egi intra viscera matris meae ? nam et de ilia mihi
nonnihil indicatum est et praegnantes ipse vidi
feminas. quid ante hanc etiam, dulcedo mea, deus
mens ? fuine alicubi aut aliquis ? nam quis mihi
dicat ista, non habeo ; nee pater nee mater potue-
runt, nee aliorum experimentum, nee memoria mea.
an irrides me ista quaerentem, teque de hoc,
quod novi, laudari a me iubes, et confiteri me tibi ?
confiteor tibi, domine caeli et terrae, laudem di-
cens tibi de primordiis et infantia mea, quae non
niemini ; et dedisti ea homini ex aliis de se conicere
et auctoritatibus etiam muliercularum multa de se
credere, eram enim et vivebam etiam tunc, et signa,
quibus sensa mea nota aliis facerem, iam in fine
infantiae quaerebam. unde hoc tale animal nisi abs
te, domine ? an quisquam se faciendi erit artifex ?
aut ulla vena trHliitur aliunde, qua esse et vivere
16

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

f5ver, and in whom nothing dies, (because that before CHAP,
the foundations of the world, and before everything ^^
else, that can be said to be before, thou art both
God and Lord of all which thyself hath created ;
and in whose presence are the causes of all uncer-
tain things, and the immutable patterns of all
things mutable, with whom do live the eternal
reasons of all these contingent chance-medleys, for
which we can give no reason) tell, I pray thee, O
God, unto me thy suppliant: thou who art merciful,
tell me who am miserable, did my infancy succeed
to any other age of mine that was dead before ; or
was that it which I past in my mother's belly ? for
something have I heard of that too, and myself have
seen women with child. What passed before that
age, O God my delight ? Was I anywhere, or any-
body ? For I have none to tell me thus much :
neither could my father and mother, nor the ex-
perience of others, nor yet mine own memory.
Dost thou laugh at me for enquiring these things,
who commandest to praise and to confess to
I thee for what I know.-* I confess unto thee, O
^ Lord of heaven and earth, and I sing praises
i unto thee for my first being and infancy, which
[ I have no memory of: and thou hast given leave
: to man, by others to conjecture of himself, and
j upon the credit of women to believe many things
that concern himself. For even then had I life and
being, and towards the end of mine infancy, I sought
for some significations to express my meaning by unto
others. Whence could such a living creature come,
but from thee, O Lord ? Or hath any man the skill
to frame himself.'' Or is any vein of ours, by which
being and life runs into us, derived from any original
but thy workmanship, O Lord, to whom being and
B 17

ft.

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. currat in nos, praeterqiiam quod tu facis noSj domine
cui esse et vivere non aliud atque aliud est, qui?
summe esse atque summe vivere id ipsum est!
summus enim es et non mutaris, neque peragitur ii
te hodiernus dies, et tamen in te peragitur, quia in
te sunt et ista omnia : non enim haberent vias trans-
eundi, nisi contineres ea. et quoniam anni tui nor
deficiunt, anni tui hodiernus dies : et quam raulti
iam dies nostri et patrum nostrorum per hodiernum
tuum transierunt, et ex illo acceperunt modos, et
uteumque extiterunt, et transibunt adhuc alii et
accipient et uteumque existent, tu autem idem ipse
es, et omnia crastina atque ultra omniaque hesterna
et retro hodie facies, hodie fecisti. quid ad me, si
quis non intellegat ? gaudeat et ipse dicens : quid
est hoc ? gaudeat etiam sic, et amet non inveniendo
invenire, potius quam inveniendo non invenire te.

VII

CAP. ExAUDi, deus. vae peccatis hominum ! et homo

VII

dicit haec, et misereris ems, quoniam tu fecisti
eum et peccatum non fecisti in eo. quis me com-
memorat peccatum infantiae meae, quoniam nemo
mundus a peccato coram te, nee infans, cuius est
18

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

living are not several things, because both to be chap.
and to live in the highest degree, is of thy very ^'
essence? For thou art the highest, and thou art
not changed ; neither is this present day spent
in thee ; yet it is spent in thee, because even all
these times are in thee ; nor could have their
ways of passing on, unless thou containedst them.
And because thy years fail not, thy years are but
this very day. And how many soever our days and Ps. cii. 27
our fathers' days have been, they have all passed
through this one day of thine : from that day have
they received their measures and manners of being :
and those to come shall so also pass away, and so also
receive their measures and manners of being. But
thou art the same still ; and all to-morrows and so
forward, and all yesterdays and so backward, thou
shalt make present in this day of thine : yea, and
hast made present. What concerns it me, if any
understand not this .'* let him rejoice notwithstanding
and say : What is this } Let him so also rejoice,
and rather love to find in not finding it out, than by
finding it, not to find thee with it.

rVII
That even his infancy was subject to sin

{Hearken unto me, O God! Woe to the sins of chap.
men ! Yet when man says thus, thou hast mercy on ^^^
him : because him thou hast created, but sin in him
thou hast not made. Who shall bring to my remem-
brance the sin of my infancy ? For in thy sight can Job xxv. 3
no man be clean from his sin ; no, not an infant of a

19

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. unius diei vita super terrain ? quis me commemoiat?

VII

an quilibet tantillus nunc parvulus, in quo video quod
non memini de me ? quid ergo tunc peccabam ? an
quia uberibus inbiabam plorans ? nam si nunc faciam,
non quidem uberibus^ sed eseaecongruentiannismeis
ita inhians, deridebor atque reprehendar iustissime.
tunc ergo reprehendenda faciebam, sed quia reprehen-
dentem intellegere non poteram^ nee mos reprehendi
me nee ratio sinebat. nam extirpamus et eicimus ist;
crescentes, nee vidi queraquam scientem, cum aliqui
purgat, bona proicere. an pro tempore etiam ilia bon
erantj flendo petere etiam quod noxie daretur, iii
dignari acriter non subiectis hominibus liberis el
maioribusj bisque, a quibus genitus est, multisqut
praeterea prudentioribusnonadnutum voluntatis ob
temperantibus, feriendo nocere niti quantum potest,
quia non oboeditur imperiis, quibus perniciose ob-
oediretur? ita imbecillitas membrorum infantilium
innocens est, non animus infantium. vidi ego et ex-
pertus sum zelantem parvulum : nondum loquebatur,
et intuebatur pallidus amaro aspectu conlactaneum
suum.

Quis hoc ignorat ? expiare se dicunt ista matres
atque nutrices nescio quibus remediis. nisi vero
et ista innocentia est, in fonte lactis ubertim ma-
nante atque abundante opis egentissimum et illo
adhuc uno alimento vitam ducentem consortemj
20

^ ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

ay old upon the earth. Who will put me in mind chap.
f this.'' Any such a little one, in whom I now ^^^^
bserve, what of myself I remembered not } Where-
n did I then sin ? In that I cried too fiercely after
the pap ? For if I should do so at these years, crying
(though not to suck again, but after such food as
is convenient for my growth) I should be laughed
at and reprehended for it. Even then therefore
did I something worthy to be blamed : but for that
I could not understand such as reprehended me,
therefore would neither custom nor reason suffer me
to be corrected. For as we grow, we root and cast
out such childishness : nor have I seen any man
(knowing what he doth) who purging out bad things,
casts the good away alsoJBut whether may this pass
for good, (considering tHe time), by crying to desire
what would have hurt me by being gi ven j^ nd to
he so sullenly froward at freemen and elders that
did not humour me, and mine own parents too ; yea
and fighting, as fiercely as I could, at divers other
discreeter persons, that did not cockney me in
everything ; because they obeyed not my com-
mands, which had been hurtful to me to have been
obeyed. So that it is not the mind of infants
that is harmless, but the weakness of their childish
members. I myself have seen and observed a
little baby to be already jealous ; and before it
could speak, what an angry and bitter look it would
cast at another child that sucked away its milk
m it.
ho knows not this, that mothers and nurses profess
eed to expiate these things, by I know not what
edies ? But may this pass for innocency, that a
by full fed, should not endure a poor foster child
share with him in a fountain of milk plentifully

21

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER J
CAP non pati. sed blande tolerantur haec, non quia ni
vel parva, sed quia aetatis accessu peritura su
quod licet probes, cum ferri aequo animo ead ^
ipsa non possunt, quando in aliquo annosiore dep
Lenduntur. tu itaque, domine deus meus, ( »
dedisti vitam infanti et corpus, quod ita, ut vie "'
mus, instruxisti sensibus, conpegisti membris, figu i ■
decorasti, proque eius universitate atque incolumita 1
omiies conatus animantis insinuasti, iubes me laudar '
te in istis et confiteri tibi et psallere nomini tuo
altissime, quia deus es omnipotens et bonus, etiams
sola ista fecisses, quae nemo alius potest facere nis
tu, une, a quo est omnis modus, formosissime, qu
formas omnia et lege tua ordinas omnia.

Hanc ergo aetatem, domine, qua me vixisse non
memini, de qua aliis credidi et quam me egisse ex
aliis infantibus conieci, quamquam ista multum fida
coniectura sit, piget me adnumerare huic vitae
meae, quam vivo in hoc saeculo. quantum enim
adtinet ad oblivionis meae tenebras, par illi est,
quam vixi in matris utero. quod si et in iniquitate
conceptus sum, et in peccatis mater mea me in utero
aluit, ubi, oro te, deus meus, ubi, domine, ego, servus
tuus, ubi aut quando innocens fui ? sed ecce omitto
illud tempns : et quid mihi iam cum eo est, cuius
nulla vestiffia recolo?

22

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

and freshly flowing, though destitute of succour, and chap.
having but that only nourishment to sustain its poor ^^^
life wit! al ? But these childnesses are with pleasure
borne withal : not because they be in themselves
either none or small faults, but for that they will
vanish with age. Which albeit they may in this age
be allowed of, yet are they in no patience to be en-
dured in an elder body. Thou therefore, O Lord my
God, who hast given both life and body to the infant ;
which as we see thou hast furnished with senses,
compacted with limbs, beautified with shape, and
for his general good and safety, hast armed all the
endeavours of the whole creature : even thou com- Ps. xd.
mandest me to praise thee for these things, and to *^^^' ^
confess and sing unto thy Name, O thou Most High !
Because thou art a God omnipotent and good,
although thou hadst done no more but these things
which none else can do, but thou alone, from whom
all proportion floweth ; O thou most beautiful, which
fashionest all, and after thine own method disposest
all. This age therefore of my life, O Lord, of which
1 remember not any passages ; concerning which I
must give credit to others' relation, which, notwith-
standing that I have passed, as I conjecture by other
infants (although these tokens may very strongly
assure my conjecture), it irks me to reckon unto the
rest of that life which I lead in this world ; seeing
that in regard of the darkness of my forgetfulness of
it, it is like that part which I passed in my mother's
womb. Now, if 1 were shapen in iniquity, and in Ps. li, 5
sin conceived by my mother ; where, 1 beseech thee,
O my God, in what place. Lord, was I, thy servant,
where or when was I innocent } But behold I now
pass by that age ; for what have I to do with it,
whereof I can nothing at all call to memory ?

23

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I

VIII

CAP. NoNNE ab infantia hue pergens veni in pueri-
tiam ? vel potius ipsa in me venit et successit infan-
tiae ? nee diseessit ilia : quo enim abiit ? et tamen
iam non erat. non enim eram infans, qui non farer,
sed iam puer loquens eram. et memini hoc, et unde
loqui didieeram, post adverti. non enim docebant
me maiores homines, praebentes mihi verba certo
aliquo ordine doctrinae sieut paulo post litteras, sed
ego ipse mente, quam dedisti mihi, deus meus, cum
gemitibus et vocibus variis et variis membrorum
motibus edere vellem sensa cordis mei, ut voluntati -^
pareretur, nee valerem quae volebam omnia nee
quibus volebam omnibus, pensabam memoria : cum
ipsi appellabant rem aliquam et cum secundum eam
vocem corpus ad aliquid movebant, videbam et tene-
bam hoe ab eis vocari rem illam, quod sonabant, cum
eam vellent ostendere. hoe autem eos velle, ex
motu corporis aperiebatur, tamquam verbis naturali-
bus omnium gentium, quae fiunt vultu et nutu ocu-
lorum ceterorumque membrorum actu et sonitu vocis
indicante affeetionem animi in petendis, habendis,
reiciendis fugiendisve rebus, ita verba in variis sen-
tentiis locis suis posita et crebro audita quarum rerum
signa essent paulatim colligebam measque iam volun-
S4

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

VIII

A description of his childhood

rRowiNG on fronj the state of infancy, came I not chap.
into my childhood ? Or rather came not that into ^^^^
me, and succeeded unto my infancy ? Nor yet did
my infancy depart ; for whither went it ? yet now
it was no more. For an infant I was no longer,
that could not speak ; seeing now I began to prove
a pretty prating boy. And this I well remember,
and I afterwards observed how I first learned to
speak. For my elders did not teach me this ability,
by giving me words in any certain order of teaching,
(as they did letters afterwards), but by that mind
which thou, my God, gavest me, I myself with grunt-
ings, varieties of voices, and various motions of my
body, strove to express the conceits of mine own
heart, that my desire might be obeyed ; but could
not bring it out, either all I would have, or with all
the signs I would. Then, 1 pondered in my memory :
when they named anything, and when at that
name they moved their bodies toward that thing,
I observed it, and gathered thereby, that that word
which they then pronounced, was the very name
of the thing which they showed me. And that
they meant this or that thing, was discovered to
me by the motion of their bodies, even by that
natural language, as it were, of all nations ; which
expressed by the countenance and cast of the eye,
by the action of other parts, and the sound of the
voice, discovers the affections of the mind, either to
desire, enjoy, refuse, or to avoid anything. And thus
words in divers sentences, set in their due places, and
heard often over, I by little and little collected, of

25

S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. tates, edomito in eis signis ore, per haec enuntiabam.
sic cum his^ inter quos eram, voluntatum enuntian-
darum signa conmunicavi ; et vitae humanae procel-
losam societatem altius ingressus sum, pendens ex
parentum auctoritate nutuque maiorum hominum.

IX

CAP. Deus, deus meusj quas ibi miserias expertus sum
et ludificationes, quandoquidem recte raihi vivere
puero id proponebatur, obtemperare monentibus, ut
in hoc saeculo florerem^ et excellerem linguosis art-
ibus, ad honorem hominum et falsas divitias famu-
lantibus. inde in scholam datus sum, ut discerem lit-
teras, in quibus quid utilitatis esset ignorabam miser,
et tamen, si segnis in discendo essem, vapulabam.
laudabatur enim hoc a maioribus, et multi ante nos
vitam istam agentes praestruxerant aerumnosas vias,
per quas transire cogebamur multipHcato labore et
dolore filiis Adam.

Invenimus autem, domine, homines rogantes te, et
didicimus ab eis, sentientes te, ut poteramus, esse
26

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

what things they were the signs, and having broken chap,
my mouth to the pronunciation of them, I by them ^'^^
expressed mine own purposes. Thus, with those
whom I conversed withal, did I communicate the
expressions of mine own desires ; and ventured
thereby upon the troublesome society of human
businesses, depending all this while upon the
authority of my parents, and being at the beck oi
my elders.

IX

The hatj'ed that children hear to Learning, and their
Love to Playing

God, my God ! what miseries and what mockeries chap,
did I find in that age ; whenas being yet a boy, obedi- ^^
ence was propounded unto me, to those who advised

le to get on in the world ; and prove excellent in

mgue-sciences, which should get me reputation

amongst men, and deceitful riches } Thereupon was

1 sent to school, to get learning ; whereby little knew
I (wretch that I was) what profit might be obtained ;
and yet if I proved truantly at my book, I was pre-
sently beaten. For this discipline was commended
by our ancestors ; and divers passing the same course
before our times, had chalked these troublesome
ways out unto us, by which we were constrained to
follow them ; multiplying by this means both labour
and sorrow to the sons of Adam.

Yet we observed, O Lord, how certain men would
pray unto thee ; and we learned of them ; thinking
thee (as far as we could apprehend) to be some

27

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. magnum aliquem, qui posses etiam non adparens

IX

sensibus nostris exaudire nos et subvenire nobis.
nam puer coepi rogare te, auxilium et refugium
meum, et in tuam invocationem rumpebam nodos
linguae meae, et rogabam te parvus non parvo
affectu, ne in schola vapularem. et cum me non ex-
audiebas, quod non erat ad insipientiam mihi, ride-
bantur a maioribus hominibus usque ab ipsis paren-
tibus, qui mihi accidere mali nihil volebant, plagae
meae, magnum tunc et grave malum meum. estne
quisquam, domine, tam raagnus animus, praegrandi
affectu tibi cohaerens, estne, inquam, quisquam —
facit enim hoc quaedam etiam stoliditas— est ergo,
qui tibi pie cohaerendo ita sit affectus granditer, ut
cculeos et ungulas atque huiuscemodi varia tormenta,
pro quibus efFugiendis tibi per universas terras cum
tiVnore magno supplicatur, ita parvi aestimet, diligens
eos., qui haec acerbissime formidant, quemadmodum
parentes nostri ridebant tormenta, quibus pueri a
magistris affligebamur.'* non enim aut minus ea
metuebamus aut minus te de his evadendis depreca-
bamur, et peccabamus tamen minus scribendo aut
legendo aut cogitando de litteris, quam exigebatur a
nobis, non enim deerat, domine, memoria vel in-
genium, quae nos habere voluisti pro ilia aetata satis,
sed delectabat ludere, et vindicabatur in nos ab eis
qui talia iitique agebant. sed maiorum nugae negotia
28

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

great one; who wert able, (and yet not appearing ciap.
feo our senses) both to hear and help us. For being ^^
yet a boy, I began to pray unto thee, my Aid and
Refuge, and even then brake the string of my tongue
in praying to thee ; and being yet a little one, I
prayed to thee with no small devotion, that I might
not be beaten at school. And when thou heardest
not (which yet was not to be accounted folly in me),
my corrections, which I then esteemed my greatest
and most grievous affliction, were made sport at by
my elders, yea and by mine own parents, who wished
no hurt at all unto me. Is there any man, O Lord,
of so great a spirit, cleaving to thee with so strong
an affection ; is there any man, I say, (for even a
callousness may other-whiles do as much), who by
devoutly applying himself unto thee, is so resolutely
affected, that he can think so lightly of those racks
d strappadoes, and such varieties of torments, (for
he avoiding whereof men pray unto thee with so
much fear all the world over), that he can make
sport at those who most bitterly fear them ; as our
parents laughed at these torments, which we school-
boys suffered from our masters? For we were no
less afraid of the rod, nor did we less earnestly pray
to thee for the scaping of it, than others did of
their tortures. And yet for all our fears, we too
often played the truants ; either in writing, or read-
ing, or thinking upon our lessons, less than was
required of us. For we wanted not, O Lord, either
memory or capacity, (of which, considering our age,
thou pleasedst to bestow enough upon us) but
^our mind was all upon playing; for which we were
beaten, even by those masters, who were doing
as much themselves. But elder folks' idlenesses,
must, forsooth, be called business, and when children

29

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I

r

CAP. vocabantur, puerorum autein talia cum sint, puniuntur
a maioribus, et nemo miseratur pueros vel illos vel
utrosque. nisi vero adprobat quisquam bonus rerum
arbiter vapulasse me, quia ludebam pila puer et eo
ludo inpediebar, quominus celeriter discerem litteras,
quibus maior deformius luderem. aut aliud faeiebat
idem ipse, a quo vapulabam, qui si in aliqua quaesti-
unculaa condoctore suovictus esset, magis bile atque
invidia torqueretur quam ego, cum in certamine pilae
a conlusore meo superabar ?

CAP. Et tamen peccabam, domine deus meus, ordina-
■^ tor et creator rerum omnium naturalium, peccatorum
autem tantum ordinator, domine deus meus, peccabam
faciendo contra praecepta parentum et magistrorum
illorum. poteram enim postea bene uti litteris, quas
volebant ut discerem quocumque animoillimei. non
enim meliora eligens inoboediens eram, sed amore
ludendi, amans in certaminibus superbas victorias, et
scalpi aures meas falsis fabellis, quo prurirent arden-
tius, eadem curiositate magis magisque per oculos
emicante in spectacula, ludos maiorum ; quos tamen
qui edunt, ea dignitate praediti excellunt, ut hoc
30

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

do the like, the same men must punish them; CHAJP.
and yet no man pities either childi'en or men or ^^
both. But perhaps some indifferent judge might
account me to be justly beaten for playing at ball,
being yet a boy, because by that sport I was hin-
dered in my learning, by which, when I came to be
a man, I was to play the fool more unbeseemingly :
or did my master, who now beat me, anything
else ? who, if in any trifling question he were foiled
by another schoolmaster, he was presently more
racked with choler and envy at him, than I was,
when at a match at tennis-ball, I lost the game to
my play-fellow.

How for his play he neglected his Parents
Commandrnents

And yet I offended, O Lord God, thou Ruler CHi
and Creator of all natural things, of sins only the ^
Ruler ! I siimed, O Lord my God ! in doing con-
trary to the commandments of my parents, and of
those masters : for I might afterwards have made
good use of my learning, which they were desirous
I should obtain, whatsoever purpose they had in it.
For I disobeyed them not out of desire of choosing
better courses ; but all out of a desire to play :
aspiring to be captain in all sports, and to have mine
ears tickled with feigned fables, to make them itch
the more glowingly: the like desperate curiosity
also sparkling through mine eyes, after the shows
and plays of my elders : the authors whereof are
esteemed to gain so much honour by it, that
almost all the spectators wish the like to be their

31

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. paene omnes optent parvulis suiSj quos taraen caedi
libenter patiuntur, si spectaculis talibus inpediantur
ab studio, quo eos ad talia edenda cupiunt pervenire.
vide ista, domine, misericorditer, et libera nos iam
invocantes te, libera etiam eos qui nondum te invo-
cant, ut invocent te et liberes eos.

XI

CAP. AuDiERAM enim ego adhuc puer de vita aeterna

XI

promissa nobis per humilitatem domini dei nostri
descendentis ad superbiam nostram, et signabar iam
signo crucis eius, et condiebar eius sale iam inde
ab utero matris meae, quae multum speravit in te.
vidisti, domine, cum adhuc puer essem, et quodam
die pressu stomachi repente aestuarem paene mori-
turus, vidisti, deus mens, quoniam custos mens iam
eras, quo motu animi et qua fide baptismum Cliristi
tui, dei et domini mei, flagitavi a pietate matris meae
et matris omnium nostrum, ecclesiae tuae. et con-
turbata mater carnis meae, quoniam et sempiternam
salutem meam carius parturibat corde casto in fide
tua, iam curaret festinabunda, ut sacramentis saluta-
ribus initiarer et abluerer, te, domine lesu, confitens
22

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

own children ; whom for all that they gladly suffer to chap.
be beaten, if by such stage-plays they be hindered ^
from their studies, by which they desire them to arrive
one day to the ability of making the like. Look
down upon these things mercifully, O Lord, and
deliver us that now call upon thee : deliver also those
that do not yet call upon thee ; that they may call
upon thee, and thou mayest deliver them.

XI

Hofv he fell sick, and hotv recovering, his Baptism
was deferred

I HAD heard, being yet a boy, of eternal life pro- chap,
mised unto us through the humility of thy Son our ^^
Lord God, descending even to our pride, and I was
then signed with the sign of his Cross, and was
seasoned with his salt, so soon as I came out of my
mother's womb, who greatly trusted in thee. Thou
sawest, O Lord, when being yet a boy, and one
day taken with a pain in the stomach, I fell sud-
denly into a fit, very like to die. Thou sawest, O
my God, (for thou wert my Keeper) with what
earnestness of mind, and with what faith, I impor-
tuned the piety both of mine own mother, and of
thy Church the mother of us all, for the Baptism of
thy Christ, my Lord God. Whereupon the mother
of my flesh being much perplexed, (for that in a
chaste heart, and faith in thee, she most lovingly
even travailed in birth of my eternal salvation,) did
hasten with great care to procure me to be initiated Gal. ir.
and washed with thy wholesome Sacraments, (I first
confessing thee, O Lord Jesus, for the remission of
I c 33

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. in remissionem peccatorum, nisi statim recreatus

XI

essem. dilata est itaque mundatio mea, quasi
necesse esset, ut adhuc sordidarer, si viverem,
quia videlicet post lavacrum illud maior et peri
culosior in sordibus delictorum reatus foret. ita
iam credebara, et ilia, et omnis domus, nisi pater
solus, qui tamen non evicit in me ius maternae
pietatis, quominus in Christum crederem, sicut
ille nondum crediderat. nam ilia sata^ebat, ut tu
mihi pater esses, deus meus, potius quam ille : et
in hoc adiuvabas earn, ut superaret virum, cui melior
serviebat, quia et in hoc tibi utique id iubenti
serviebat.

Rogo te, deus meus, vellem scire, si tu etiam
velles, quo consilio dilatus sum, ne tunc baptizarer,
utrum bono meo mihi quasi laxata sint lora peccandi
an non laxata sint. unde ergo etiam nunc de aliis
atque aliis sonat undique in auribus nostris : " sine
ilium, faciat ; nondum enim baptizatus est." et
tamen in salute corporis non dicimus : " sine vul-
neretur amplius ; nondum enim sanatus est."
quanto ergo melius et cito sanarer, et id ageretur
mecum meorum meaque diligentia, ut recepta
sal us animae meae tuta esset tutela tua, qui de-
disses earn, melius vero. sed quot et quanti fluctus
inpendere temptationum post pueritiam videbantur !
34

I

ST. AUGUSTINE S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

sins,) but that I jJiesently recovered upon it. Upon chai*.
my recovery was my cleansing deferred ; as if it ^*
were necessary that I should yet be more defiled;
if I lived longer : because, forsooth, the guilt con-
tracted by the filth of sin, were both greater and
more dangerous after Baptism, than before. Thus
did I then believe, as also my mother and the
whole house, except my father only ; who did not
for all this overthrow the power of my mother's
piety in me, to the hindrance of my believing in
Christ, although himself had not yet believed in him.
For she by all means endeavoured, that thou, my
God, shouldst be my father, rather than he. And
herein didst thou assist her to overcome her husband,
to whom (though the better of the two) she con-
tinued her service; wherein she principally served
thee, who commandedst her so to do.

I beseech thee, O my God, (for I would gladly know,
if thou wert pleased to tell me) to what purpose was
my Baptism thus deferred ; whether it were more for
my good that the reins of sin were, as it were, then
enlarged, or that they should not have been enlarged
at all } Whence therefore comes it, that even now my
ears are on all sides so beaten with this noise : Let
him alone, let him do what he will ; for he is not yet
baptized : whereas upon any doubt of bodily health, we
do not say, Let him be more dangerously wounded, for
he is not yet cured .'* How much better had it been
for me to have been speedily cured, that by my friends'
diligence and my own, so much might have been

Irought in me, that my soul having received health,
ight have been safe under thy protection, who
idst given it } This verily had been the better
)urse. But how many, and what violent waves of
jmptation did seem to threaten me after my child-

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. noverat eos iam ilia mater, et terrain potius, unde
postea formarer, quam ipsam iam effigiem conmittere
volebat.

XII

CAP. In ipsa tamen pueritia, de qua mihi minus

XII

quam de adulescentia metuebatur, non amabam
litteras et me in eas urgeri oderam ; et urgebar
tamen, et bene mihi fiebat, nee faciebam ego bene :
non enim discerem, nisi cogerer. nemo enim invitus
bene facit, etiamsi bonum est quod facit. nee qui
me urgebant, bene faciebant, sed bene mihi fiebat
abs te, deus meus. illi enim non intuebantur, quo
referrem quod me discere cogebant, praeterquam ad
satiandas insatiabiles cupiditates copiosae inopiae et
ignominiosae gloriae. tu vero, cui numerati sunt
capilli nostri, errore omnium, qui mihi instabant ut
discerem, utebaris ad utilitatem meam, meo autem,
qui discere nolebam, utebaris ad poenam meam, qua
plecti non eram indignus tantillus puer et tantus
peccator. ita non de bene facientibus tu bene
faciebas mihi, et de peccante me ipso iuste retri-
buebas mihi. iussisti enim et si.c est, ut poena sua

sibi sit omnis inordinatus dhiinus.

'" ' *
36

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

hood ! Those my mother full well knew ; and desired chap.
to commit to them the clay of which I was after- ^^
wards to be new moulded, rather than the image
itself.i

XII

He is forced to his Book : which God turned to
good purpose

But in this my childhood (wherein was less fear of ^jj^p
me than in my youth) I loved not my book, and I xii
hated to be forced to it : yet was I held to it not-
withstanding : wherein it was very well for me, but
I did not well for myself: for I would never have
taken my learning, had I not been constrained to it.
For no man does well against his will, though that
which he does be good. Nor did they that forced
me to it, very well ; but it was thou, my God, that
didst the good to me. For they that held me to
my learning, did not understand to what I would
apply it, unless to satiate the insatiable desires of
a rich beggary, and a dishonourable glory. But
thou before whom the very hairs of our heads ^^^^^ ^ 3q
are numbered, didst convert the common error of
them all who pressed me to learning, to mine own
benefit ; and my error, who would not learn, didst thou
make use of for my punishment ; of which I being
then so little a boy, and so great a sinner, was not
unworthy. Thus by their means who did not well
by me, didst thou well for me : and upon me who
was a sinner, thou inflictedst a deserved punishment.
For thou hast appointed it, and so it proves, every
man's inordinate affection shall be his own affliction.

1 It was believed that this image was restored in baptism.

37

S AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBRR I
XIII

CAP. Quid autem erat causae, cur graecas litteras
oderam, qiiibus puerulus imbuebar, ne nunc quidem
mihi satis exploratum est. adamaveram enim latinas,
non quas primi magistri, sed quas docent qui gram-
aiatici vocantur. nam illas primas, ubi legere et
scribere et numerare discitur, non minus onerosas
poenalesque habebam quam omnes graecas. unde
tamen et hoc nisi de peccato et vanitate vitae, qua
caro eram et spiritus ambulans et non revertens.''
nam utique meliores, quia certiores, erant primae
illae litterae, quibus fiebat in me et factum est et
habeo illud, ut et legam, si quid scriptum invenio^ et
scribam ipse, si quid volo, quam illae, quibus tenere
cogebar Aeneae nescio cuius errores, oblitus errorum
meorum, et plorare Didonem mortuam, quia se occidit
ab amorCj cum interea me ipsum in his a te morien-
tem, deus_, vita mea_, siccis oculis ferrem miserrimus.
Quid enim miserius misero non miserante se ipsum
et flente Didonis mortem_, quae fiebat amando Aenean,
non flente autem mortem suam, quae fiebat non
amando te, deus, lumen cordis mei et panis orisintus
*nimae meae et virtus maritans mentem meam et
sinum cogitationis meae .'' non te amabam, et forni-
cabar abs te, et fornicanti sonabat undique : " euge,
38

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

XIII

With what studies he was chiejiy delighted

But what was the reason why of a child I should so chap.
naturally hate the Greek tongue when it was taught ^'^^
me, I cannot yet understand. Latin I loved very
well: not that part which the elementary teachers
enter us in, but that which the men of letters teach
us.^ For those first rudiments, to read, to write, and
cipher, I accounted no less painful and troublesome
than the Greek. But whence should this proceed,
but from the sinfulness and vanity of this life } For ps. ixxviii
I was but flesh, a wind that passeth away and cometh 39
not again. For those first rudiments were better,
because more certain, (seeing that by them, that skill
was and is wrought in me, that I am able to read what
I find written, and of myself to write what I will) than
these latter ; by which I was enforced to commit to
memory the wanderings of I know not what ^Eneas,
while I forgat mine own : and to bewail dead Dido,
because she killed herself for love ; when in the
mean time (wretch that I was) I with dry eyes
endured myself dying towards thee; O God my Life I
For what can be more miserable than a wretch
that pities not himself; one bemoaning Dido's death,
caused by loving of jEneas, and yet not lamenting
his own death, caused by not loving of thee,
O God, thou Light of my soul, thou Bread of the
internal mouth of my soul, and thou firmest Knot,
marrying my soul and the bosom of my thoughts
together ? I did not love thee, and I committed forni-
cation against thee, while in the mean time every
one applauded me with Well done, well done ! But

I.e. the literature, not the grammar.

39

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. euge." amicitia enim rauixli huius fornicatio est abs te
■^^^^ et "euge, euge" dicitur, ut pudeat, si non ita homo sit.
et haec non flebam, et flebam Didonem extinctam fer-
roque extrema secutam, sequens ipse extrema condita
tua relicto te, et terra iens in terram : et si prohiberer
ea legere, dolerem, quia non legerem quod dolerem
talis dementia honestiores et uberiores litterae putan
tur quam illae, quibus legere et scribere didici.

Sed nunc in anima mea clamet deus meus, et Veri-
tas tua dicat mihi : non est ita, non est ita ; melior
est prorsus doctrina ilia prior, nam ecce paratior sum
oblivisci errores Acneae atque omnia eius modi, quam
scribere et legere. at enim vela pendent liminibus
graramaticarum scholarum^ sed non ilia magis hono-
rem secreti quam tegimentum erroris significant, non
clament adversus me quos iam non timeo, dum con-
fiteor tibi quae vult anima mea, deus meus, et ad-
quiesco in reprehensione malarum viarum mearum, ut
diligani bonas vias tuas, non clament adversus me
venditores grammaticae vel emptores, quia, si pro-
poiiam eis interrogans, utrum verum sit quod Aenean
aliquando Karthaginem venisse poeta dicit, indoc-
tiores nescire se respondebunt, doctiores autem etiam
negabunt verum esse, at si quaeram, quibus litteris
scribatur Aeneae nomen, omnes mihi, qui haec didi-
cerunt, verum respondent et secundum id pactum et
placitum, quo inter se homines ista signa firmarunt,
40

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

the love of tliis world is fornication against God : chap.
which so applauds and encourages a spiritual for- ^^^^
nicator, that it is even a shame for a man to be JameBlv.j
otherwise. But I bemoaned not all this ; but dead
Dido I bewailed, that killed herself by falling upon
the sword : I myself following these lower creatures
of thine, forsaking thee ; and myself being earth,
hastening to the earth. But if I were forbidden to read
these toys, how sorry would I be, for that I might
not read that which would make me sorry. Such mad-
nesses were esteemed to be more commendable and
fluent learning, than the learning to write and read.
But let my God now cry unto my soul, and let thy
truth say unto me, It is not so, it is not so ; that first
kind of learning was far better. For behold I am
readier to forget the wanderings of ^neas, and all
such toys, than I am to write and read. True it is,
that there are curtains at the entrance of Grammar
Schools ; but they signify not so much the cloth of
state to privacy, as serve for a blind to the follies
committed behind them. Let not these masters
now cry out upon me, whom now I am out of fear
of; whilst I confess to thee, my God, what my soul
delights in ; and rest contented with the repre-
hension of mine own evil ways, that I may love thy
good ones. Let not those buyers or sellers of
grammar exclaim upon me, for that if I ask them,
whether that of the poet be true, that iEneas ever
came to Carthage : the unlearned will answer, they
know not ; and the learned will deny it to be true.
But if I ask them with what letters iEneas' name
is written, every one that hath but learned so far,
will pitch upon one truth, according to the agree-
ment and will whereby men at first made rules for
those characters. If I should ask again, which of

41

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. item si qiiaeram, quid horum maiore vitae hiiius in-
^^^^ commodo quisque obliviscatur, legere et scribere an
poetica ilia figmenta, quis non videat, quid respon-
surus sit, qui non est penitus oblitus sui ? peccabam
ergo puer, cum ilia inania istis utilioribus amore prae-
ponebam vel potius ista odcram, ilia amabam. iam
vero unum et unum duo, duo et duo quattuor odiosa
cantio mihi erat, et dulcissimum spectaculum vanitatis
equus ligneus plenus armatis, et Troiae incendium,
atque ipsius umbra Creusae.

XIV

CAP. Cur ergo graecam etiam grammaticam oderam

XIV

talia cantantem ? nam et Homerus peritus texere
tales fabellas, et dulcissime vanus est, et mihi tamen
amarus erat puero. credo etiam graecis pueris Ver-
gilius ita sit, cum eum sic discere coguntur ut ego
ilium, videlicet difficultas, difficultas omnino ediscen-
dae linguae peregrinae, quasi felle aspergebat omnes
suavitates graecas fabulosarum narrationum. nulla
enim verba ilia noveram, et saevis terroribus ac
poenis, ut nossem, instabatur mihi vehementer. nam
et latina aliquando infans utique nulla noveram, et
tamen advertendo didici sine ullo metu atque cruciatu,
inter etiam blandimenta nutricum et ioca arridentium
42

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

the two would be most incommodious to the life of CHAP,
man to forget ; to write and read, or, these poetical ^^^^
fictions ; wiio sees not what any man would answer,
that had not quite forgotten himself.^ I offended
therefore being but a boy, when in my affection I
preferred those vain studies to these more profit-
able : or rather, indeed, I utterly hated these, and
was in love with those. But then. One and one
makes two, and two and two makes four, was a harsh
song to me ; but The Wooden Horse full of Armed
Men, and The Burning of Troy, and the Ghost of
Creusa, was a most delightful spectacle of vanity.

XIV

Of the Greek and Latin Tongues

But why then did I hate the Greek literature chap.
that chants of such things ? For Homer himself XIV
was skilful in contriving such fictions, and is most
delightfully wanton ; but yet very harsh to me being
a schoolboy. I believe that Virgil is no less to
Grecian children when they be compelled to learn
him, as I was to learn Homer : for to say truth, the
difficulty of learning a strange language, did sprinkle
as it were with gall all the pleasures of those fabulous
narrations. For I understood not a word of it, yet they
vehemently pressed me and with most cruel threaten-
ings and punishments, to make me understand it.
The time was also (when I was an infant) that I knew
not a word of Latin ; yet by marking I got that without
any fear or tormenting, even by my nurses' prattlings
to me, and the pretty tales of those that laughed upon
me, and the sports of those that played with me.

43

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. et laetitias alludentium. didici vero ilia sine poenali

XIV

on ere urgentiura, cum me urgeret cor meum ad
parienda concepta sua, id quod non esset, nisi aliqua
verba didicissem non a docentibus, sed a loquentibus,
in quorum et ego auribus parturiebam quidquid sen-
tiebam. hinc satis elucet maiorem habere vim ad
discenda ista liberam curiositatem quam meticulosam
necessitatem. sed illius fluxum haec restringit legibus
tuis, deus, legibus tuis a magistrorum ferulis usque
ad temptationes martyrum_, valentibus legibus tuis
- miscere saUibres amaritudines revocantes nos ad te
a iucunditate pestifera, qua recessimus a te.

XV

CAP. ExAUDij domine, deprecationem meam, ne deficiat
anima mea sub disciplina tua, neque deficiam in
confitendo tibi miserationes tuas, quibus eruisti me
ab omnibus viis meis pessimis, ut dulcescas mihi super
omnes seductiones, quas sequebar, et amem te validis-
sime, et amplexer manum tuam totis praecordiis meis,
et eruas me ab omni temptatione usque in finem.

Ecce enim tu, domiiie, rex meus et deus mens,
tibi serviat quidquid utile puer didici, tibi serviat
41.

ST AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

So much verily I learnt without any painful burden chap.
lo me of those that urged me, for that mine own ^^^
heartput me toit tobring out mine own conceptions.
Which I could never have done^ had I not learned
divers words, not of those that taught me, but of
them that talked familiarly to me, in whose hearing
I also brought forth whatsoever I had conceived.
Hereby it clearly appears that a free curiosity hath
more force in children's learning of languages, than
a frightful enforcement can have. But the unsettled-
ness of that freedom, this enforcement restrains:
thy laws, O God, yea, thy laws, even from the school-
master's ferule, to the martyr's trials, being able to
temper wholesome and bitter together ; calling us
back by that means unto thyself, even from that
infectious sweetness, which at first allured us to fall
away from thee.

XV

Ills Prayer to God

Hear my prayer, O Lord, let not my soul faint chap.
under thy correction : nor let me faint in confessing ^^
unto thee thine own mercies, by which thou hast ^s- 1^- 2
drawn me out of all mine own most wicked courses :
that thyself mightest from hence forward grow sweet
unto me, beyond all those allurements which hereto-
fore I followed ; and that I might most entirely love
thee, and lay hold upon thy hand with all the powers
of my heart, that thou mightest finally draw me out
of all danger of temptation.

For behold, O Lord my King ; whatsoever good I
have learned, being a -boy, unto thy service let it be

45

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. quod loquor et scribo et lego et numerOj quoniam cum

XV *

vana discerem, tu discipliiiam dabas mihi et in eis
vanis peccata delectationum mearum dimisisti mihi.
didici in eis multa verba utilia ; sed et in rebus non
vanis disci possunt, et ea via tuta est, in qua pueri
ambularent.

XVI

CAP. Sed vae tibi, flumen moris humani ! quis resistit

XVI

tibi ? quamdiu non siccaberis ? quousque volves
Evae filios in mare magnum et formidulosum, quod
vix transeunt qui lignum conscenderint ? nonne ego
in te legi et tonantem lovem et adulterantem ?
et utique non posset liaec duo, sed actum est, ut
haberet auctoritatem imitandum verum adulterium
lenocinante falso tonitru. quis autem paenulatorum
magistrorum audit aure sobria ex eodem pulvere
hominem clamantem et dicentem : fingebat haev
Homerus et humana ad deos transferebat ; divina
mallem ad nos? sed verius dicitur, quod fingebat
haec quidem ille, sed hominibus flagitiosis divina
tribuendo, ne flagitia flagitia putarentur, et ut quisquis
ea fecisset, non homines perditos, sed caelestes decs
videretin* imitatus.
46

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

directed, yea, "whatsoever I speak or write, or read, chap.
or number, let all serve thee. For when I learned ^^
vain things, thou didst discipline me : and in those
vanities, thou forgavest the sinfulness of my delight
in them. In those studies I learned many useful
words, but those might have been also learned in
studies not so vain : which is, I confess, the safest .
way for children to be trained up in.

XVI

Against lascivious fables

But woe unto thee, O thou torrent of human CHAP,
custom, who shall stop the course of thee ? When ^^^
wilt thou be dry.'* How long wilt thou continue
tumbling the sons of Eve into that huge and hideous
ocean, which they very hardly pass, who are shipped
upon the Tree .'' Do I not read in thee of Jupiter
sometimes thundering, and sometimes adulterating.^
But verily both these could not one person do : but
this is feigned, that there might be authority to imitate
true-acted adultery; false thunder the mean while
playing the bawd to him. Yet which of our long-
robed masters can with any patience hear a man that
should in his school cry out saying : Homer feigned
these, and ascribed men's faults unto the gods; but I
had rather he had derived divine excellencies upon
us. But more truly it is said, that Homer feigned these \
things indeed; and that by his attributing divine
excellencies to most wicked mortals, crimes might not
be accounted crimes : so that whosoever shall com-
mit the like, seems not therein to imitate desperate
people, but some heavenly deities,

47

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER I
CAP. Et tamen, o flumen tartareum, iactantur in te fili

XVI

hominum cum mercedibus^ ut haec discaiit, et magna
res agitur, cum hoc agitur piiblice in foro, in con-
spectu legum supra mercedem salaria decernentium,
et saxa tua percutis et sonas dicens : " hinc verba
discuntur, hinc adquiritur eloquentia, rebus persua-
dendis sententiisque explicandis maxime necessaria."
ita ergo non cognosceremus verba haec, imbrem et
aureum et gremium et fucum et templa caeli et alia
verba, quae in eo loco scripta sunt, nisi Terentius
induceret nequara adulescentem, proponentem sibi
lovem ad exemplum stupri, dum spectat tabulam
quandam pictam in pariete, ubi inerat pictura haec,
lovem quo pacto Danaae misisse aiunt in gremium
quondam imbrem aureum, fucum factum mulieri ?
et vide, quemadmodum se concitat ad libidinem
quasi caelesti magisterio :

at quern deum I (inquit) qui templa caeli summo

sonitu concutit.
ego homuncio id non facerem ? ego v^ro illud

feci ac libens.

Non omnino, non omnino per hanc turpitudinem
verba ista commodius discuntur, sed per haec verba
turpitudo ista confidentius perpetratur. non accuso
verba quasi vasa lecta atque pretiosa, sed vinum
erroris, quod in eis nobis propinabatur ab ebriis doc-
toribus, et nisi biberemus, caedebamur, nee appellare
48

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

I This notwithstanding, O thou heUish torrent, are chap.
I the sons of men cast into thee, with payments xvi
j made, to learn these fables ; and a great solemnity is
I made of it, when 'tis pleaded for openly in the
assemblies, and in the sight of the laws, which allow
stipends to the teachers over and above the payments
of the scholars : yet, O torrent, thou art still beating
upon thy rocks, roaring out, and crying : Here are
fine words to be learned ; here eloquence is attained :
eloquence so necessary to persuade to business, and
with advantage to express thoughts. But for all this,
should we never so well have understood these words :
The Golden Shower, the Lap, the Deceit, the Temple
of Heaven, and such others written in the same place,
had not Terence withal brought a lewd young man Ter. Eun.
upon the stage, propounding Jupiter to himself for ^^^
an example of his adultery; whilst he beholds a
certain picture on the wall, wherein are set out to
the life, the story of Jupiter raining a golden shower
into Danae's lap, deceiving the simple maiden by
that means? See how that young man provoked
himself to lust, as if he had had a celestial authority
for it :

" But what god do I imitate, saith he } Even that Ter. Eun.
god who with a mighty thunder shakes the very ^^^
arches of heaven : may I not then, frail flesh and
blood, do as much ? But I for my part did as much,
yea, and gladly too."

Plainly, these words are not so much the more easily
learned by this filthy matter, but by these words the
sin is more confidently committed. I blame not the
words, which of themselves are like vessels choice
and precious ; but that wine of error which is in
them, drunk to us by our intoxicated teachers. If

I refused to pledge them, we were beaten : nor had

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
CAP. ad aliquem iudicein sobrium licebat. et tamen ego,

XVI

deus meus, in cuius conspectu iam secura est
recordatio mea, libenter haec didici et eis delectabar
miser et ob hoc bonae spei puer appellalmr.

XVII

CAP. Sine me, deus meus, dicere aliquid de ingenio
^^^' meo, munere tuo, in quibus a me deliramentis
atterebatur. proponebatur enim mihi negotium
animae meae satis inquietum, praemio laudis et
dedecoris vel plagarura metu, ut dicerem verba
lunonis irascentis et dolentis, quod non possit Italia
Teucrorum avertere regem : quae numquam luno-
nem dixisse audierani, sed figmentorum poeticorum
vestigia errantes sequi cogebamur, et tale aliquid
dicere solutis verbis, quale poeta dixisset versibus :
et ille dicebat laudabilius, in quo pro dignitate
adumbratae personae irae ac doloris similior affectus
eminebat verbis sententias congruenter vestientibus.
Ut quid mihi illud, o vera vita, deus meus? quid
mihi recitanti adclamabatur prae multis coaetaneis
et conlectoribus meis ? nonne ecce ilia omnia fumus
et ventus? itane aliud non erat, ubi exerceretur
nigenium et lingua mea ? laudes tuae, domine,
laudes tuae per scripturas tuas suspenderent
50

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

we liberty to appeal unto any sober judge. All chap,
this notwithstanding, O my God, (in whose presence xvi
I now with security remember this) I did willingly
learn these things ; and unhappy I, was for this
accounted a youth of much towardness.

XVII

The way of exercising youth in repeating and
varying of verses

Give me leave, O my God, to tell thee something rg^p
of mine own wit, which was thy gift, and what xvil
dotages I spent it upon. My master put a task
upon me, troublesome enough to my soul, and that
upon terms of reward of commendations, or fear of
shame and whipping : namely, that I should declaim
upon those words of Juno, expressing both her
anger and sorrow, that she could not keep off the
Trojan King from going into Italy : which words I
had heard that Juno never uttered ; yet were we
enforced to imitate the passages of these poetical
fictions ; and to vary that into prose which the poet
had expressed in verse. And he declaimed with
itiore applause, in whose action, according to the
dignity of the person represented, there appeared
an affection nearer to anger or grief, set out with
words agreeable to the matter.

But to what end was this, O my true Life, my God ?
Why was my declamation more applauded than so
many others of mine own age and form ? Was not
all this mere smoke and wind } And could no other
subject be found to exercise my wit and tongue in?
Thy praises, O Lord, thy praises, might have stayed
the tender sprig of my heart upon the prop of thy

51

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I

CAP. palmitem cordis mei, et non raperetar per inania
nugarum turpis praeda volatilibus. non enim uno
modo sacrificatur transgressoribus angelis.

XVIII

CAP. Quid autem mirum, quod in vanitates ita fere-

XVIII

bar, et a te, deus meus, ibam foras, quando mihi
imitandi proponebantur homines, qui aliqua facta sua
non mala si cum barbarism© aut soloecismo enuntia-
rent, reprehensi confundebantur ; si autem libidines
suas integris et rite consequentibus verbis copiose
ordinateque narrarent, laudati gloriabantur ? vides
haec, domine, et taces, longanimis et multum
misericors et verax. numquid semper tacebis ? et
nunc erues de hoc inmanissimo profundo quaerentera
te animam et sitientem delectationes tuas, et cuius
cor dicit tibi : quaesivi vultum tuum ; vultum tuum,
domine, requiram : nam longe a vultu tuo in afFectu
tenebroso. non enim pedibus aut spatiis locorum
itur abs te aut reditur ad te, aut vero filius ille tuus
equos aut currus vel naves quaesivit aut avolavit
pinna visibili aut moto poplite iter egit, ut in longin-
qua regione vivens prodige dissiparet quod dederas
52

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

Scriptures, tha^ it might not have been cropped off chap
by these empt}' vanities, to be caught up as a prey by ^^^^
those flying spirits. For by more ways than one is
there sacrifice offered to the collapsed angels.

f XVIII

That Men care more to observe the Rules of
Grammar than the Laws of God-

But what wonder was it, if I were thus* carried chap.
towards vanity, and estranged from thee, O my God ; ^ ^
whenas such men were propounded to me to imitate,
who should they deliver any of their own acts,
though not evil, with any barbarism or solecism, they
were utterly dashed out of countenance : but should
they make a copious and neat oration of their own
lusts, in a round and well followed style, would take
a pride to be applauded for it. These things thou
seest, O Lord, long suffering, and of much mercy
and truth, and thou keepest silence ; but wilt thou
be silent for ever } Even now thou wilt draw out of
this horrible pit, that soul that seeks after thee, and
that thirsts after thy pleasures : whose heart saith Ps. xxvii. 9
unto thee, I have sought thy face, and thy face. Lord,
will I seek. For I had straggled far away from
thy countenance in the mistiness of my affections.
For we neither go nor return, from, or to thee,
upon our feet, or by distance of spaces : nor did that
younger brother seek post-horses, or waggons, or
ships, or fly away with visible wings, or take his
journey by the motion of his hams, that living in a Luke xy.
far country he might prodigally waste that portion,
which thou hadst given him at his departure. A

53

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I

CAi\ proficiscenti, dulcis pater, quia dederas, et egeno
XVIII

redeunti dulcior: in affectu ergo libidinoso, id enim

est tenebroso atque id est longe a vultu tuo. vide,
domine deus meus, et patienter, ut vides, vide,
quomodo diligenter observent filii homiimm pacta
litterariim et syllabarum accepta a prioribus locu-
toribus, et a te accepta aeterna pacta perpetuae
salutis neglegant : ut qui ilia sonorum vetera placita
teneat aut doceat, si contra disciplinam gramraati-
cam sine adspiratione primae syllabae hominem
dixerit, magis displiceat hominibus, quam si contra
tua praecepta hominem oderit, cum sit homo, quasi
vero quemlibet inimicum hominem perniciosius sen-
tiat quam ipsum odium, quo in eum irritatur, aut
vastet quisquam persequendo alium gravius, quam
cor suum vastat inimicando. et certe non est in-
terior litterarum scientia quam scripta conscientia,
id se alteri facere quod nolit pati. quam tu secretus
es, habitans in excelsis in silentio, deus solus magnus,
lege infatigabili spargens poenales caecitates supra
inlicitas cupiditates, cum homo eloquentiae famam
quaeritans ante hominem iudicem, circumstante
hominum multitudine, inimicum suum odio inmanis-
simo insectans, vigilantissime cavet, ne per linguae
errorem dicat : Inter omines, et ne per mentis
furorem hominem auferat ex hominibus non cavet.

54

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFP^SSIONS BOOK I

sweet Father, because thou gavest him his portion • CHAP.
yet far sweeter to the poor wretch returning : foi X^lll
that he went from thee out of a voluptuous affection;
that is to say, a darkened one ; and such that is,
which is far from thy countenance. Behold, O Lord '
God, and patiently behold, as thou still dost, how
diligently the sons of men observe the rules of
letters and syllables received from former speakers ;
and yet regard not the eternal covenants of ever-
lasting salvation, received from thyself. Insomuch,
that he who either holds or teadies the ancient rules
of pronunciation, if contrary to grammar he shall
pronounce ominem, (that is, a man) without H in the
first syllable ; he shall displease men more, than if
against thy rules he should hate a man, although he
be a man. As if any man should think his enemy
to be more pernicious to him, than that hatred of
his own is, whereby he is set against him : or imagine
that he does worse scath to another man by perse-
cuting him, than he does to his own heart, by con-
triving enmity against him. Certainly there is no
more inward knowledge of Letters than this law of
conscience, that one is doing to another what himself Matt. vH. i]
would noTsuffer. How secret art thou, O thou only
great God, which dwellest in the Highest, and in
silence, with an untiring destiny, dispersing blind-
ness for punishments upon unlawful desires ; when a
man affects the credit of eloquence, standing before a
mortal judge, a multitude of mortals standing about
him, inveighing against his adversary with his
fiercest hatred, he takes heed most watchfully, that
his tongue trips not before men, and he call them
amines ; but takes no heed at all, lest through the
fury of his spirit he should destroy a man out of the
society of men.

55

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I
XIX

CAP. HoRUM ego puer morum in limine iacebam
miser, et huius harenae palaestra erat ilia, ubi magis
timebam barbarismum facere, quam cavebam, si faee-
rem, non facientibus invidere. dico haec et con-
fiteor tibi, deus meus, in quibus laudabar ab eis,
quibus placere tunc niihi erat honeste vivere. non
enim videbam voraginem turpitudinis, in quam
proiectus eram ab oculis tuis. nam in illis iam quid
me foedius fuit, ubi etiam talibus displicebam, fal
lendo innumerabilibus mendaciis et paedagogum et
magistros et parentes, amore ludendi, studio spec-
tandi nugatoria et imitandi ludicra inquietudine ?

Furta etiam faciebam de eellario parentum et de
mensa, vel gula imperante vel ut haberem quod
darem pueris, ludum suum mihi, quo pariter utique
delectabantur, tamen vendentibus. in quo etiam
ludo fraudulentas victorias ipse vana excellentiae
cupiditate victus saepe aucupabar. quid enim tam
nolebam pati atque atrociter, si deprehenderem,
arguebam, quam id quod aliis faciebam ? et, si depre-
hensus arguerer, saevire magis quam cedere libebat.

Istane est innocentia puerilis ? non est, domine,
non est, oro te, deus meus. nam haec ipsa sunt.
5()

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

XIX

How he was more careful to amid Barbarisms of
Speech, than corruption of Manners

In the threshold of these customs lay I, wretched boy, chap.
and upon that stage I played my prizes ; where I ^^^
more feared to commit a barbarism in speaking, than
I took care when I committed any, not to envy those
that committed none. All this I declare and con-
fess to thee, my God ; but in these things I was by
them applauded, to please whom, I then accounted
equal to living honestly. For then I discerned not
that whirlpool of filthiness whereinto I was cast from
thine eyes. For in thine eyes, what was more filthy
than I .^ Where also I displeased such as myself;
with innumerable lies deceiving both my tutor, and
masters, and parents : all for love of play, out of a
desire to see toys, and a restless desire to imitate
the stage.

Thievery also I committed out of my father's
buttery and table; either gluttony oft commanding
me, or that I might have something to give my play-
fellows, selling me their baubles, although they were
as much delighted with them as myself. In these
play-games I being often over-matched, did with a
vain desire to be counted excellent, aspire to win,
though by foul play. And what was I so unwilling
to endure, and what if I found out the deceit would
I so fiercely wrangle at, as even those very tricks
which I would put upon others ? And being myself
taken with the manner, I would rather fall flat out,
than yield to it.

Is this that childish innocency ? It is not. Lord, it
is not. I cry thee mercy, O my God : for these are

57

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I

CAP, quae a paedagogis et magistris^ a nucibus et piluljs

et passeribus, ad praefectos et reges, aurum, praedia^

j mancipia, haec ipsa omnino succedentibus maioribus

' aetatibus transeunt, sicuti ferulis maiora supplicia

succedunt. humilitatis ergo signum in statura pueri-

tiae, rex noster, probasti, cum aisti : talium est

regrium caelorum-

XX

CAP. Sed tamen, domine, tibi excellentissimOj optimo

XX

conditori et rectori universitatis, deo nostro gratias,
etiamsi me puerum tantum esse voluisses. eram enim
etiam tunc, vivebam atque sentiebam meamque in-
columitatem, vestigium secretissimae unitatis, ex qua
eram, curae habebam, custodiebam interiore sensu
integritatem sensuum meorum, inque ipsis parvis par-
varunique rerum cogitationibus veritate delectabar.
falli nolebam, memoria vigebam, locutione instruebar,
amicitia mulcebar, fugiebam dolorem, abiectionem,
ignorantiam. quid in tali animante non mirabile
atque laudabile? at ista omnia dei mei dona sunt,
non mihi ego dedi haec : et bona sunt et haec omnia
ego. bonus ergo est qui fecit me, et ipse est bonum
meum, et illi exulto bonis omnibus, quibus etiam puer
58

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

the same things, the very same, which as our years chap.
go on, leaving tutors and masters, leaving nuts, and ^^^
balls, and birds, are done with regard to kings and
governors, to the getting of gold, and manor houses,
and slaves. But this boy's play passes ovei* as more
years come on, just as greater punishments follow
after the ferule. Thou therefore, O our King, hast
approved of the character of humility in the stature
of childhood, when thou sayest : To such belongeth j^^^^ ^j^.
the Kingdom of God. u

XX

He thankelh God for his Benefits
But yet, O Lord, thanks have been due to thee, chap.
our God and most excellent Creator, Governor of this
universe, although thou hadst not been pleased to
have brought me any further than tJie age of child-
hood. For even then a Being I had, yea Life and
SeiLses ; even then I had a care of mine own well
being, which is an impression of that most secret
unity of thine, whence I had my being ; in my in-
ward sense preserved I the entireness of my outward
senses ; even in these little things and in reflecting
on little things, was I delighted with the truth. I
would not willingly be deceived ; a fresh memory I
had ; in forms of speaking I was well tutored ; by
friendly usage I was made tractable. I avoided all
sadness, dejectedness, and ignorance ; in such a little
creature, what was there not admirable, not com-
mendable } But all these are the gifts of my God : {
for I bestowed them not upon myself. Good endow-
ments they were; and all these was I. Good there- j
lore is he that made me ; yea, he is my good, and '

59

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER I

CAP. eram. hoc enim peccabam, quod non in ipso, sed in

creaturis cius, me atque ceteris^ voluptates, sublimi-

tates veritates quacrebam, atque ita inruebam in

do] ores, confiisiones, errores. gratias tibi, dulcedo

mea et honor meus et fiducia mea, deus meus,

gratias tibi de donis tuis ; sed tu mihi ea m

serva. ita enim servabis me, et auge-

buntur et perficientur quae dedisti

mihi, et ero ipse tecum,

quia et ut sim tu

dedisti mihi.

60

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK I

to him will I rejoice for all my good gifts, which of CHAP.

a child I had. But here was my oversight, that I ^^

sought not pleasures, honours, and truths in him,

but in his creatures, myself and the others; and

therefore rushed I myself upon sorrows, disorders, and

errors. Thanks to thee, my Sweetness, my Honour,

my Trust, and my God ! Thanks to thee for all

thy gifts! But be pleased to preserve them

still unto me, and thus shall myself be

preserved, and all thy gifts shall be

both increased and perfected :

yea, and I shall be with

thee ; for my being

is of thy giving.

I

61

BOOK II

LTBER SECVNDVS
I

CAP, Record A Ri volo transactas foeditates meas^ ct "^
carnales corruptiones animae meae, non quod eas
amem, sed ut amem te, deus meus. amore amoris
tui facio istuc, recolens vias meas nequissimas in
amaritudine recogitationis meae, ut tu dulcescas
mihi, dulcedo non fallax, dulcedo felix et secura, et
coUigens me a dispersione, in qua frustatim discissus
sum, dum ab uno te aversus in multa evanui.

Exarsi enim aliquando satiari inferis in adules-
centia, et silvescere ausus sum variis et umbrosis
amoribus, et contabuit species mea, et conputrui
coram oculis tuis, placens mihi et placere cupiens
oculis hominum.

II

CAP. Et quid erat, quod me delectabat, nisi amare
' et amari ? sed uon tenebatur modus ab animo usque
ad animum, quatenus est luminosus limes amicitiae,
64.

THE SECOND BOOK
I

He enters upon the Years a7id Sins of his Youth

I WILL now call to mind my over-passed impurities, chap.
and the fleshly corruptions of my soul : not because ^
I love them, but that I may love thee, O my God.
For love of thy love I do it ; in the very bitterness
of my remembrance repeating over my most wicked
courses, that thou mayest only grow sweet unto me ;
(thou Sweetness never beguiling, thou happy and
secure Sweetness !) and recollecting myself out of
that broken condition of mine, wherein I was piece-
meal shattered asunder; while being turned away
from thee alone, I squandered away myself upon
many vanities.

For I even burnt in my youth heretofore to
take my fill of hell ; and I dared even to grow wild
again, with these various loves beneath the shade :
my beauty withered away, and I even stank in
thine eyes; pleasing myself all this while, and
desirous to content the eyes of mortals.

II

He accuseth his Youth spent in the heat of Lvstfulness
And what was it that I delighted in, but to love chap.
md to be beloved .'' But love kept not that modera- ^^
ion of one mind's loving another mind, as the
ightsome bounder of true f) icndship ; but out of
I K {j5

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM Lll^ER II
^^^ sed exhalabantiir nebulae de limosa concupiscentia
carnis et scatebra pubertatis, et obnubilabant atque
obfuscabant cor meum, ut non discerneretur sereni-
tas dilectionis a caligine libidinis. utrumque in cori-
fuso aestuabat et rapiebat iiibecillam aetatem per ab-
rupta cupiditatum atque mersabat gurgite flagitiorum.
invaluerat super me ira tua, et nesciebam. obsurdue-
ram stridore catenae mortalitatis meae, poena super-
biae animae meae, et ibam longius a te, et sinebas, et
iactabar et effundebar et diffluebam et ebuUiebam
per fornicationes meas, et tacebas. o tardum gaudiutn
meum ! tacebas tunc, et ego ibam porro longe a te
in plura et plura sterilia semina dolorum superba
deiectione et inquieta lassitudine.

Quis mihi modularetur aerumnam meam et novis-
simarum rerum fugaces pulchritudines in usum ver
teret earumque suavitatibus metas praefigeret, ul
usque ad coniugale litus exaestuarent fluctus aetati;
meae, si tranquillitas in eis non poterat esse fine pro
creandorum liberorum contenta, sicut praescribit le?
tua, domine, qui formas etiam propaginem morti;
nostrae, potens inponere lenem manum ad tempera
mentum spinarum a paradiso tuo seclusarum ? noi
enim longe est a nobis omnipotentia tua, etiam cun
loiige sumus a te. aut certe sonitum luibium tuaruii
vigilantius advertercm : tribulationem autem carni
^6

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

that puddly concupiscence of my flesh, certain mists CHA.r
and babblings of youth fumed up, which beclouded "•
and so overcast my heart, that I could not discern
the beauty of a chaste affection, from a fog of impure
lustfulness. Both did confusedly boil in me, and
ravished away my unstayed youth over the downfalls
of unchaste desires, and drenched me over head and
ears in the very whirlpool of most heinous impurities.
Thy wrath all this while grew upon me, and I perceived
it not. I was now grown deaf by the continual —
crashing of that chain of my frailty, (thy punishment
upon the pride of my soul) and I straggled further ..
from thee, and thou letst me alone, and I was tumbled
up and down, and I was even spilt and poured out,
yea, and I boiled over in my fornications, and thou
heldest thy peace yet. O my Joy, how slow art
thou ! Thou then heldest thy peace, and then
wandered I further and further from thee, into more
and more fruitless seed-plots of sorrow, with a proud
dejectedness, and an untired weariness.

O for somebody that would then have sweetened
my misery, and have converted to good use the fading
beauties of these newest vanities I that would have
prefixed some bounds to their tempting sweets, that
so the high tides of my youth might have spent their
force at last upon the shore of the marriage bed ; if
so be the calmness those tides might be brought
unto, would not have been contented with having
children, as thy law prescribes, O Lord : even thou,
who this way formest the offspring of our mortality,
being able also with a gentle hand to blunt the
prickles of those thorns, which were not suffered
to grow in thy Paradise ? For thy omni potency is i^
not very far from us, even when we be far from thee.
Or certainly I should have more heedfuUy hearkened

67

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. habebunt huiiis modi, ego auteiu vobis parco ; et :
bonum est homini mulierem non tangere ; et : qui
sine uxore est, cogitat ea quae sunt del, quomodo
placeat deo, qui autem matrimonio iunctus est,
cogitat ea quae sunt mundi, quomodo placeat uxori.
has ergo voces exaudirem vigilantior, et abscisus
propter regnum caelorum felicior expectarem aivir
plexus tuos.

Sed efferbui miser, sequens impetum fluxus mei
relicto te, et excessi omnia legitima tua, nee evasi fla-
gella tua : quis enim hoc mortalium ? nam tu semper
aderas misericorditer saeviens, et amarissimis aspar-
gens ofFensionibus omnes illicitas iucunditates meas,
ut ita quaererem sine ofFensione iucundari, et ubi hoc
possem, non invenirem quicquam praeter te, domine,
praeter te, qui fingis dolorem in praecepto et per-
cutis, ut sanes, et occidis nos, ne moriamur abs te.
ubi eram, et quam longe exulabam a deliciis domus
tuae, anno illo sexto decimo aetatis carnis meae, cum
accepit in me sceptrum, et totas manus ei dedi, vesania
libidinis licentiosae per dedecus humanum, inlicitae
autem per leges tuas ? non fuit cura meorum ruentem
excipere me matrimonio, sed cura fuit tantum, ut
discerem sermonem facere quam optimum et per-
suadere dictione.

68

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

to the voice of these clouds of thine : Notwith- chap.
standing such shall have trouble in the flesh, but I ^^
spare you. And again : It is good for a man not to ..^„J°!
touch a woman. And, He that is married careth ' '

for the things of this world, how he may please his
wife. I should have therefore more attentively
listened to those words, and made myself an eunuch Matt. xix.
for the Kingdom of God, and so I might more ^^
happily have expected thy embracements.

But I was too hot upon it (wretcli that I was)
pursuing still the violent course of mine own stream,
having left thee utterly : yea, and exceeded all thy ^^
prescriptions, nor did I escape thy scourges. For
what mortal can avoid them ? For thou wert with
me at every turn, most mildly rigorous, and ever and
anon besaucing all my unlawful pastimes with most
bitter discontentments : all to draw me on to seek
for such pleasures as were without such discontent,
and that I might light upon none but thee, O
Lord : but thee, who makest, as it w^ere, some
hardship in thy commandment ; and smitest us that ^
thou mayest heal us, yea, slayest us, that we should
not die away from thee. Where was I, and how
far was I banished from those delights of thy house
in that sixteenth year of the age of my flesh ; at
what time the madness of raging lust, (in which
human shamelessness takes too much liberty, not-
withstanding by thy laws it be forbidden) exercised
its supreme dominion in me, I giving over all my
force unto it ? My parents took no care all this
wliile by marriage to save me from ruin ; but their
care was to have me learn to make a poM^erful oration,
and to prove a most persuasive speaker.

69

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
III

CAP. Et anno quidem illo intermissa erant studia mea,
diim mihi reducto a Madauris^in qua vicina urbe iam
coeperam litteraturae atque oratoriae percipiendae
gratia peregrinari, longinquioris apud Karthaginem
peregrinationis sumptiis parabantur, animositate
magis quam opibus patris^ municipis Thagastensis ad-
modum tenuis, cui narro haec ? neque enim tibi,
deus mens, sed apud te narro haec generi meo,
generi huniano, quantulacumque ex particula inci-
dere potest in istas meas litteras. et ut quid hoc ? nt
videlicet ego et quisquis haec legit cogitemus, de
quam profundo clamandum sit ad te. et quid propius
auribus tuis^ si cor confitens et vita ex fide est ? quis
enim non extollebat laudibus tunc hominem, patrem
nieum^ quod ultra vires rei familiaris suae impendej'et
filio, quidquid etiam longe peregrinanti studiorum
causa opus esset ? multorum enim civium longe
opulentiorum nullum tale negotium pro liberis erat,
cum interea non salageret idem pater, qualis cres-
cerem tibi aut quam castus essem, dummodo essem
disertus vel desertus jwtius a cultura tua, deus, qui
es unus verus et bonus dominus agri tui, cordis mei.
Sed ubi sexto illo et decimo anno interposito otio
ex necessitate doniestica fcrialusab omni sciiola cum
parentibus esse coepi, excesserutit caput meum vepres
70

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

III

Of his Travels for his Studies' sake, a'ld his
Parents' Purpose in it
Now for that year were my studies intermitted : CHAP.
whenas upon my return from Madaura (a neighbour
city wherein I had begun to Jearn the principles of
literature and rhetoric) the expenses for a further
journey to Carthage were provided for me : and that
rather out of a brave mind my father bare, than any
ability in him, for he was but a poor freeman of
Thagaste. To whom tell I all this? For to thee I
tell it not ; but before thee relate it to mine own
kind, the human kind, even to so small a part of it as
may light upon these writings of mine. And to what
purpose do 1 this } Even that both myself and whoso-
ever reads this, may bethink ourselves out of what ^
depths we are to cry unto thee. For what is nearer Ps. cxxx.
to thine ears than the confessing heart, and the life
directed by faith } Who did not then highly commend
my father, for that even above the ability of his means
he had furnished out his son with all necessaries for
the taking of a far journey for his studies' sake ?
For many abler citizens did no such thing for tlieir
children. But yet this father of mine never troubled
himself with any thought of how I might improve
myself towards thee, or how chaste I were ; so that
1 proved cultivated, though I were left withal un-
dressed by thy tillage, O God, which art the only,
true, and good landlord of the field of my heart.

But whilst in that sixteenth year of my age I left
going to school, and upon some household necessities
lived idly at home with my parents, the briars of
unclean desires grew rank over my head, and there

71

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II

CAP. libidinum, et nulla erat eradicans manus. quin immo

III

ubi me ille pater in balneis vidit pubescentera et in-

quieta indutum adulescentia, quasi iam ex hoc in

nepotes gestiret, gaudens matri indicavit, gaudens

vinulentia^ in qua te iste mundus oblitus est crea-

torem suum et creaturam tuam pro te amavit, de

vino invisibili perversae atque inclinatae in ima

voluntatis suae. sed matris in pectore iam incho-

averas templum tuum et exordium sanctae habita-

tionis tuae : nam ille adhuc catechumenus et hoc

recens erat. itaque ilia exsiluit pia trepidatione ac

tremore, et quamvis mihi nondum fideli, timuit tamen

vias distortaSj in quibus ambulant qui ponunt ad te

tergum et non faciem.

Ei mihi ! et audeo dicere tacuisse te, deus meus,

cum irem abs te longius ? itane tu tacebas tunc

mihi ? et cuius erant nisi tua verba ilia per matrem

meam, fidelem tuam, quae cantasti in auras meas ?

nee inde quicquam descendit in cor, ut facerem illud.

volebat enira ilia, et secreto memini, ut monuerit

cum sollicitudine ingenti, ne fornicarer, maximeque

ne adulterarem cuiusquam uxorem. qui mihi moni-

tus muliebres videbantur, quibus obtemperare erubes-

cerem. illi autem tui erant, et nesciebam, et te

tacere putabam atque illam loqui, per quam mihi tu

72

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

was no hand put to root them out. Moreover, when chap
my father seeing me in the bath, how the signs of ^^^
manhood began to bud in me, and plumed already
with a stirring youthfulness ; as if in this sight he
had first rejoiced in hope of having grandchildren by
me, he gladly told it to my mother : rejoicing, I say,
at it in his wine, in which the world too oft forgets
thee its Creator, in the immaterial intoxication of
its own will, perverse and bent to the lowest things,
frowardly and weakly setting its love upon thy creature ^^"^
instead of thyself. But thou hadst already begun thy
temi)le in my mother's breast, and laid the foundations
of thine own holy habitation : whereas my father was
but a Catechumen as yet, one newly converted. She
therefore was even startled with an holy fear and
trembling. And though I were not as yet baptized ;
yet feared she those crooked ways, in which they
walk, who put their backs to thee, and not their
faces.

Woe is me ! And dare I say that thou heldest
thy peace, O my God, whilst I wandered further
from thee t Is it so } Didst thou indeed hold thy
peace to me ? And whose but thine were those
words, which by my mother, thy faithful one,
thou sangest in my ears } Nothing of which would
at that time so far sink into my heart, as to do it.
For she commanded me, and, as I well remember,
with very much earnestness forewarned me, that I
should not commit fornication ; and especially that I
should never defile any man's wife. These seemed
to me no better than women's advices, which
would be a shame for me to follow. But they were
thine, indeed, and I knew it not : I thought thou
hadst held thy peace, and that she only had spoken :
she, by whom thou wert not silent unto me ; and in

73

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER II
CAP. non tacebas, et in ilia contemnebaris a me, a me,
filio eius, filio ancillae tuae, servo tuo. sednesciebam
et praeceps ibam tanta caecitate, ut inter coaeta-
neos meos puderet me minoris dedecoris, quoniam ^
audiebam eos iactantes flagitia sua et tanto
gloriantes magis, quanto magis turpes essent, et
libebat facere non solum libidine facti verum etiam
laudis.

Quid dignum est vituperatione nisi vitium ? ego,
ne vituperarer, vitiosior fiebam, et ubi non suberat,
quo admisso aequarer perditis, fingebam me fecisse
quod non feceram, ne viderer abiectior, quo eram
innocentior, et ne vilior haberer, quo eram castior.
ecce cum quibus comitibus iter agebam platearum
Babyloniae, et volutabar in caeno eius tamquam in
cinnamis et unguentis pretiosis. et in umbilieo eius
quo tenacius haererem, calcabat me inimicus invisi-
bilis et seducel)at me, quia ego seductilis eram. non
enim et ilia, quae iam de medio Babylonis fugerat,
sed ibat in ceteris eius tardior, mater carnis meae,
sicut monuit me pudicitiam, ita curavit quod de me
a viro suo audierat, iamque pestilentiosum et in poste-
rum periculosum sentiebat cohercere termino coniu-
galis affectus, si resecari ad vivum non poterat. non
curavit hoc, quia metus erat, ne inpediretur spes
74

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

her thyself wast contemned by me ; even by me her chap.
son, the son of thy handmaid, and thy servant. But ^^^
all this while I knew it not; and I ran headlong
with such blindness, that I was ashamed amongst
my equals to be guilty of less impudency than they
were, whom I heard brag mightily of their naughti-
ness : yea, and so much the more boasting, by how
much more they had been beastly: and I took
pleasure to do it, not for the pleasure of the act
only, but for the praise of it also.

What now is worthy of dispraise, if vice be not.^
But I made myself worse than indeed I was, that I
might not be dispraised ; and when I wanted oppor-
tunity to commit a naughtiness should make me as
bad as the lost, I would feign myself to have done
what I never did, that I might not seem so much
the more dastardly, as I was the more innocent ;
and that I might not be counted so much the more
faint hearted, as I was the more chaste. Behold
with what companions I walked the streets of
Babylon, and I wallowed myself in the mire of it,
as if I had reposed in a bed of spices and most
precious ointments. And to make me cleave the
faster to the very centre of sin, my invisible enemy
trod me down and seduced me, because I was easy
to be seduced. Yea, and the mother of my flesh,
although herself were already fled out of Babylon, yet Jer. li. c
went she full slow in the outskirts : for, as she had
once advised me to keep my chastity, so she carried
some respect withal to what she had heard her
husband say of me. She felt it to be now deadly
and dangerous for the future to restrain me within
the bonds of a matrimonial aff'ection, if that in-
fection in me could not otherwise be pared away
by the quick. But she continued not in that care,

75

S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. mea conpede uxoria^ non spes ilia, quam in te futui
saeculi habebat mater, sed spes litterarum, quas u
nossem nimis volebat parens uterque, ille, quia de t
prope nihil cogitabat, de me autem inania, ilia auteni
quia non solum nullo detrimento, sed etiam non
nullo adiuraento ad te adipiscendum futura existi
mabat usitata ilia studia doctrinae. ita enim conici
recolens, ut possum, mores parentum meorum. re
laxabantur etiam mihi ad ludendum habenae ultr
temperamentum severitatis in dissolutionem aflflic
tionum variarum, et in omnibus erat caligo intei
cludens mihi, deus meus, serenitatem veritatis tuat
et prodiebat taraquam ex adipe iniquitas mea. "-

IV

CAP. FuRTUM certe punit lex tua, domine, et lex scripl
in cordibus hominum, quam ne ipsa quidem deh
iniquitas : quis enim fur aequo animo furem patitui
nee copiosus adactum inopia. et ego furtum facei
volui, et feci, nulla conpulsus egestate, nisi penur
et fastidio iustitiae et sagina iniquitatis. nam
furatiis sum, quod mihi abundabat et multo meliu
nee ea re volebam frui, quam furto appetebani, s<
76

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

ecause she feared withal, lest my hopes might be chap.

indered by a she clog. Not those hopes of the ^'^

ext world, which my mother reposed in thee ; but

he hopes of learning, which both my parents were

reatly desirous I should attain unto. He, because

e had little or no thought almost of thee, and but

ain conceits of me neither. She, because she made

eckoning that those usual courses of learning, would

,ot only be no hindrance, but a great furtherance

owards my attaining of thee. For thus I conjecture

to my best remembrance) were the dispositions of

(Otli my parents at that time. The reins (in the

lean time) of liberty to play were slackened towards

ne, beyond all temper of due severity, yea even to dis-

oluteness which brought the various troubles. And

n all these, there was a mist depriving my sight, O

iiy God, of the brightness of thy truth ; and mine

niquity came from me, as if swelling from a fatness. Ps. ixxiii.v

IV

Hofv he robbed a Pear-tree

PURELY thy law, Lord, punishes thievery ; yea, chap.
ind this law is so written in our hearts, that ini- i^
juity itself cannot blot it out. For what thief does
villingly abide another man to steal from him ? No,
lot a rich thief, him that is driven to steal upon
lecessity. Yet had I a desire to commit thievery ;
nd did it, compelled neither by hunger nor poverty ; w
•ut even through a cloyedness of well doing, and a
•amperedness of iniquity. For I stole that, of which
had enough of mine own, and much better. Nor
fhen I had done, cared I to enjoy the thing which

77

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. ipso fur to et peccato. arbor erat pirus in vicini.-i
nostrae vineae, pomis onusta, nee forma nee sapore
inlecebrosis. ad hanc excutiendam atque asportan
dam nequissimi adulescentuli perreximus nocte in
tempesta, quousque ludum de pestilentiae more ir
areis produxeramus, et abstulimus inde onera ingenti?
non ad nostras epulas, sed vel proicienda porcis
etiamsi aliquid inde comedimas^ dum tamen fieret i
nobis quod eo liberet, quo non liceret. eece eo
meum, deus, eece cor meum^ quod miseratus es ii
imo abyssi. dicat tibi nunc ecee cor meum, quid ib
quaerebat, ut essem gratis malus et malitiae mea»
causa nulla esset nisi malitia. foeda erat, et amav
earn ; amavi perire, amavi defectum meum, non illud
ad quod deficiebam, sed defectum meum ipsun
amavi, turpis anima et dissiliens a firmamento tu
in exterminium, non dedecore aliquid, sed dedecu
a})petens.

^AP. Etenim species est pulchris corporibus, et auro e

y

argento et omnibus, et in eontactu carnis congruent!
valet plurimuni, ceterisque sensibus est sua cuiqu
accommodata modificatio corporum ; habet etiar
honor temporalis et imperitandi atquc supenmc
potentia suum decus, unde etiam vindictae avidita
78

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

I had stolen, but joying in the theft and sin itself, chap
A pear-tree there was in the orchard next our vine- ^^
yard, well laden with fruit, not mucli tempting
either for colour or taste. To the shaking and
robbing of this, a company of lewd young fellows
of us went late one night, (having, according to our
pestilent custom in the game-places, continued our
sports even till that season) : thence carried we huge
loadings, not for our own lickerishness, but even to
fling to the hogs, though perhaps we ate some of it.
And all this we did, because we would go whither we
should not. Behold my heart, O Lord, which thou
hadst pity on in the very bottom of the bottomless pit.
Now, behold, let my heart tell thee, what it sought
for there, that I should be thus evil for nothing,
having no other provocation to ill, but ill itself. It
was foul, yet I loved it, I loved to undo myself, I loved
mine own fault, not that for which I committed the
fault, but even the very fault itself; a base soul,
shrinking back thus from my holdfast upon thee,
even to utter destruction ; not affecting anything
from the shame, but the shame itself.

V

No man sinneth, but provoked by some Cause

Ihkre is a comeliness now in all beautiful bodies, chap
both in gold and silver, and all things ; and in tlie V
touch of flesh, sympathy pleases much. Each other ^
sense hath his proper object answerably tempered.
Worldly honour hath also its grace, in commanding
and overcoming by its own power ; whence springs
also the thirst of revenge. Hut yet, miglit a man

7y

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. oritur : et tamen in cuncta haec adipiscenda non est
egrediendum abs te, doniine^ neqiie deviandum a
lege tua. et vita^ quam hie vivimus, habet inlece-
bram suam, propter quendam modum decoris sui, et
convenientiam cum his omnibus infimis pulcbris.
amicitia quoque hominum caro nodo dulcis est
propter unitatem de multis animis. propter universa
haec atque huius modi peccatum admittitur, dum
inmoderata in ista inclinatione, cum extrema bona
sint, meliora et summa deseruntur, tu, domine deus
noster, et Veritas tua et lex tua. habent enim et
haec ima delectationes, sed non sicut deus meus, qui
fecit omnia, quia in ipso delectatur iustus, et ipse
est deliciae rectorum corde.

Cum itaque de facinore quaeritur, qua causa
factum sit, credi non solet, nisi cum appetitus
adipiscendi alicuius illorum bonorum, quae infima
diximus, esse potuisse adparuerit, aut metus amit-
tendi. pulchra sunt enim et decora, quamquam
prae bonis superioribus et beatificis abiecta et
iacentia. homicidium fecit, cur fecit .'^ adamavit
cius coniugem aut praedium aut voluit depraedari,
unde viveret, aut timuit ab illo tale aliquid amittere
aut laesus ulcisci se exarsit. num homicidium sine
causa faceret ipso homicidio delectatus ? quis credi-
derit? nam et de quodam dictum est vaecordi et
nimis crudeli homine, quod gratuito potius malus
80

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

obtain all these, he were not to depart from thee, chap.
O Lord, nor to decline from thy Law. The life also ^
which here we live hath its proper enticement, and
that by reason of a certain proportion of comeliness
of its own, and a correspondency with all these
inferior beauties. That friendship also which is
amongst societies, we see endeared with a sweet
tie, even by reason of the union of many hearts.
Upon occasion of all these and the like, is sin
committed, while through an immoderate inclination
towards these, which are goods but of the lowest
alloy, better and higher are left out ; even thou,
our Lord God, thy Truth and thy Law. For these
low things have their delights, but nothing like my
Lord God, who hath made these all ; for in him is
the righteous man delighted, and he is the delicious-
ness of the upright in heart.

When enquiry is made after wickedness, upon
what cause it was committed, no other reason uses to
be believed but this, when there hath appeared
to be a possibility of the appetites obtaining some
one of those good things which we called of a
lower alloy, or else a fear of losing it. For even
these are beautiful and comely ; although com-
pared with those higher goods, and happy-making
riches, they be but abject and contemptible. A
man hath murdered another. Why so ? Either
he loved his wife or his estate ; or he would rob
another to get maintainance for himself; or he stood
in fear to lose some such thing by him ; or being-
wronged, he was all on' fire to be revenged of him.
Would any man commit a murder upon no i)rovoca-
tion, but only upon a delight he takes in murder-
ing ? Who will believe it .'' For as for that man
said to be so stupidly and savagely cruel, that lie
F 81

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. atque crudelis erat ; praedicta est taraen causa : ne

V

per otium, inquit, torpesceret manus aut animus,
quare id quoque ? cur ita .'* ut scilicet ilia exer-
citatione scelerum capta urbe honores, imperia,
divitias adsequeretur, et careret metu legum et diffi-
cultate reruirjj propter inopiam rei familiaris et cori-
scientiam scelerum. nee ipse igitur Catilina amavit
facinora sua, sed utique aliud, cuius causa ilia
faciebat.

VI

CAP. Quid ego miser in te amavi, o furtum meum, o facinus
illud meum nocturnum sexti decimi anni aetatis
meae ? non enim pulchrum eras^ cum furtum esses.
aut vero aliquid es, ut loquar ad te ? pulchra erant
poma ilia, quae furati sumus, quoniam creatura tua
eratj pulcherrime omnium, creator omnium, deus
bone, deus summum bonum et bonum verum meura '^
pulchra erant ilia poma, sed non ipsa concupivit
anima mea miserabilis. erat raihi enim meliorum
co})ia, ilia autem decerpsi, tantum ut furarer. nam
decerpta proieci epulatus inde solam iniquitatem,
qua laetabar fruens. nam et si quid illorum pomorum
82

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

was enl and cruel merely for cruelty's sake ; yet is cHAP.
there a cause assigned : Lest (says himself) my hand ^
or heart should grow unacti ve with idleness. And why Saiiu^,
that? Why.'' Even in order that when he had once
made himself master of the city, through frequent
execution of mischievousness, he might mount up
unto honours, commands, and riches; and set him-
self above the fear of the law, and all difficulty,
because of his desperate poverty, and the conscious-
ness of his own \illanies. Therefore even Catiline
himself loved not his own villanies, but 'twas some-
thing else he loved, for whose sake he fell to commit
them.

VI

All those things which under the shew of Good

invite tis unto sin, are in God alone, to

he found True a?id perfect

What then was it that wretched I so loved in thee, chap,

thou Theft of mine, thou deed of darkness, which ^^

1 committed in the sixteenth year of my age ?
Lovely thou wert not, because thou wert Theft.
But art thou anything, that I may reason the case
with thee ? Those pears that we stole were fair to
see to, for they were thy creature, O thou most
Beautiful of all, thou Creator of all, thou good God,
thou Sovereign Good, and my true Good. Those
pears were fair indeed, but it was not those that my
wretched soul desired ; for I had store of better of
mine own, and I gathered those only that I might
steal. For having gathered them, I flung them
away, eating little of them but my own sin only,
which I was extremely pleased with the enjoying,

k83

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBEll II
CAP. iiitravit in os meum, condimentum ibi facinus erat.
et nunc, domine deus meus, quaero, quid me in furto
delectaverit, et ecce species nulla est : non dico sicut
in aequitate atque prudentia, sed neque sicut in inente
hominis atque niemoria et sensibus et vegetante vita,
neque sicut speciosa sunt sidera et decora locis suis,
et terra et mare plena fetibus, qui succedunt nascendo
decedentibus ; non saltem ut est quaedam defectiva
species et umbratica vitiis fallentibus.

Nam et superbia celsitudinem imitatur, cum tu sis
unus super omnia deus excelsus. et ambitio quid nisi
honores quaerit et gloriam, cum tu sis prae cunctis
honorandus unus et gloriosus in aeternum ? et sae-
vitia potestatum timeri vult : quis autem timendus
nisi unus deus, cuius potestati eripi aut subtrahi quid,
quando aut ubi aut quo vel a quo potest ? et blan-
ditiae lascivientium amari volunt : sed neque blandius
est aliquid tua caritate, nee amatur quicquam salu-
brius quam ilia prae cunctis formosa et luminosa
Veritas tua. et curiositas affectare videtur studium
scientiae, cum tu omnia summe noveris. ignorantia
quoque ipsa atque stultitia simplicitatis et innocen-
tiae nomine tegitur, quia te simplicius quicquani
non reperitur. quid te autem innocentius, quando-
quidem opera sua malis inimica sunt ? et ignavia
quasi quietem appetit : quae vero quies certa praeter
dominum ? luxuria satietatem atque abundantiam
84

ST. ALGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

For if any bit of those pears came within my moutli, chap,
the sweetest sauce it had was the sin of the eater. ^^^
And now, O Lord my God, I enquire what was it
in that thievery of mine, should so much delight
me ; and behold there appears no loveliness in it. I
do not mean such loveliness as there is seen in
justice and wisdom ; no, nor such as is in the
mind and memory ; or in the senses and lively soul
of man : nor yet such as the stars are glorious and
beautiful withal in their orbs ; or the earth or sea
replenished with their natural offsprings, which by
daily growing supply the room of the decayed. Nay,
not so much as that false colour or shadow of good,
that usually appears in deceiving vices.

For pride imitates high-spiritedness ; whereas thou
alone art the highest over all. Ambition, what
seeks it but honours and reputation ; whereas thou
art to be honoured above all things, and glorious for
evermore. The cruelty of great ones desires to bo
feared ; but who is to be feared but God alone ? Out
of whose power, what can be wrested } or when, or
where, or which way, or by whom .'' The enticements
of amorous inveiglers desire to be loved ; but yet is
nothing more pleasurable than thy charity ; nor is
anything loved more wholesomely than that truth
of thine, more bright and beautiful than anything.
Curiosity makes semblance to affect a desire of know-
ledge ; whereas 'tis thou only that supremely knowest
all things. Yea, ignorance and foolishness itself is
masked under the name of simplicity and innocency;
even because nothing can be found more simple
than thyself; and what is more innocent, seeing
it is their own works that hunt the wicked ? Yea,
sloth pretends a desire of quietness ; but what stable
rest is there beside the Lord ? Expensiveness affects

85

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. se cupit vocari : tu es autem plenitiido et indeficiens
copia incorruptibilis suavitatis. efFusio liberalitatis
obtendit umbram : sed bonorum omnium largitor
affliientissimus tu es. avaritia raulta possidere vult :
et tu possides omnia, invidentia de excellentia litigat :
3uid te excellentius .'' ira vindictam quaerit : te iustius
quis vindicat? timor insolita et repentina exhor-
rescit, rebus, quae amantur, adversantia, dum prae-
cavet securitati : tibi enim quid insolitum .'' quid
repentinura ? aut quis a te separat quod diligis r
aut ubi nisi apud te firma securitas? tristitia
rebus amissis contabescit, quibus se oblectabat
cupiditaSj quia ita sibi nollet^ sicut tibi auferri nihil
potest.

Ita fornicatur anima, cum avertitur abs te et quae-
rit extra te ea quae pura et liquida non invenit, nisi
cum redit ad te. perverse te imitantur omnes, qui
longe se a te faciunt et extollunt se adversumte. sed
etiam sic te imitando indicant creatorem te esse omnis
naturae et ideo non esse, quo a te omni modo rece-
datur. quid ergo in illo furto ego dilexi, et in quo
dominum meum vel vitiose atque perverse imitatus
sum ? an libuit facere contra legem saltem fallacia,
quia potentatu non poteram, ut mancam libertatem
captivus imitarer, faciendo inpune quod non liceret,
tenebrosa omnipotentiae similitudine ? ccce est ille
servus fugiens dominum suum etconsecutus umbram.
86

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

to be called plenty and abundance ; yet art thou the CHAP,
fulness and never failing plenty of most incorruptible ^^
sweetness. Prodigality pretends a show of liberality : ^^
I but thou art the most flowing bestower of all good
I things. Covetousness desires to possess much ; and
thou possessest all. Emulation contends for ex-
cellency ; but what so excellent as thou ? Anger
seeks revenge ; but who revenges more justly than
thou } Fear startles at unusual chances, which scare
away the thing loved, while it is wary for its own
security ; but what can happen unusual or sudden
unto thee .'* Or who can deprive thee of what thou
lovest .'* Or where but with thee is there any settled
security } Grief pines away itself at its losses, which
desire took delight to enjoy ; even because it would
not be deprived ; like as nothing can be lost to thee.
Just thus does the soul commit fornication, when
she turns from thee, seeking those things with-
j out thee, which she can nowhere find pure and
I untainted, till she returns again to thee. Thus all
I awkwardly imitate thee, even they that get them-
j^selves far from thee, and who pride themselves
^^Hrainst thee : and yet by thus imitathig thee, do
!P(ney declare thee to be the Creator of the whole
frame of nature, and consequently, that there is no
place whither they can at all retire from thee.
What therefore did I love in that theft of mine !
And wherein did I thus awkwardly and corruptly
imitate my lord t Was it a pleasure to do contrary
to thy Law, if but in show, because by strong
hand I could not : that being a prisoner, I might
make show of a counterfeit liberty, by doing that
unpunished, which I ought not to do, under the
shadowy pretence of omnipotency .? Behold, here
is thy servant fleeing from his Lord, and gotten

87

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II ,
CAP. o putredo, o monstrum vitae et mortis profimditas ! f
potuitne libere quod non licebat, non ob aliud, nisi
quia non licebat ?

VII

CAP. Quid retribuam domino, quod recolit haec memoria
VI r

mea et anima mea non metuit inde? diligam te,

domine, et gratias agam et confitear nomini tuo,

quoniam tanta dimisisti mihi mala et nefaria opera

mea. gratiae tuae deputo et misericordiae tuae, quod

peccata mea tamquam glaciem solvisti. gratiae tuae

deputo et quaecumque non feci mala : quid enim

non facere potui, qui etiam gratuitum facinus amavi ?

et omnia mihi dimissa esse fateor, et quae mea

sponte feci mala et quae te duce non feci.

Quis est hominum, qui suam cogitans infirmitatem

•; audet viribus suis tribuere castitatem atque innocen-

tiam suam, ut minus amet te, quasi minus ei necessaria

fuerit misericordia tua, qua donas peccata conversis

ad te .'' qui enim vocatus a te secutus est vocem

tuam, et vitavit ea, quae me de me ipso recordantem

et fatentem legit, non me derideat ab eo medico

aegrum sanari, a quo sibi praestitum est, ut non

aegrotaret, vel potius ut minus aegrotaret, et ideo

88

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

under a shadow. O rottenness^ O monster of life, CHAP.
O depth of death ! Could anything please thee, ^^
that thou mightest not do lawfully ; and done too
upon no other reason, but because it was not lawful ?

VII

He returns thanks to God for remitting these sins,
and for keeping him from many others

What reward shall I render unto the Lord, for that chap.

he so gently brings these things to my remem- ^^^

brance, that my soul is not affrighted at it .'' I will

love thee, O Lord, and thank thee, and I will confess

unto thy name ; because thou hast forgiven me this

crime, and these heinous deeds of mine : unto thy

L^race and mercy do I ascribe, that thou hast dis-

>olved my sins as it were ice : yea unto thy grace do

[ ascribe whatsoever evils I have not done. For

»vhat evil was I not apt enough to commit, who

oved the sin for the sin's sake ? Yea all I confess

be forgiven me ; both what evils I committed

ril fully, and what by thy guidance I have not

ommitted.

What man is he, who upon consideration of his

wn infirmity, dares so far to ascribe his chastity and

inocency to his own virtue, as that he thereupon

lould love thee less ; as if thy mercy, by which thou

>rgivest those that turn unto thee, had been less

iccssary for him ? Whosoever being effectually

lied by thee, hath obeyed thy voice, and declined

ose transgressions which he here reads me remem-

•ring and confessing of myself; let him not laugh

me, who am now cured by that same Physician

lo ministered unto him such preservatives, that he

i;ht not be sick at all, or but a little distempered

89

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. te tantundem, immo vero amplius diligat, quia pei
quern me videt tantis peccatorum meorum languor
ibus exui, per eum se videt tantis peccatorun
languoribus non inplicari.

VIII

CAP. QuEM fructum habui miser aliquando in his, qua*

VIII ^

nunc recolens erubesco, maxime in illo furto, in qui
ipsum furtum amavi, nihil aliud^ cum et ipsum esse
nihil et eo ipso ego miserior ? et tamen solus id no
fecissem — sic recordor animum tunc meum — solu
omnino id non fecissem. ergo amavi ibi etiam cor
sortium eorum, cum quibus id feci, non ergo nih
aliud quam furtum amavi ; immo vero nihil aliu<
quia et illud nihil est. quid est re vera ? quis es
qui doceat me, nisi qui inluminat cor memn
discernit umbras eius .'' quid est, quod mihi venit
mentem quaerere et discutere et considerare, quia
tunc amarem poma ilia, quae furatus sum, et eis fr
cuperem, possem etiam solus, si satis esset, conm
tere illam iniquitatem, qua pervenirem ad volu
tatem meam, nee confricatione consciorum ai
morum accenderem pruritum cupiditatis meae ? s

90

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

rather : but let him take occasion thereupon to love chap.
thee so much, yea, so much the more ; since by that ^^^
Physician he hath observed me to have been recovered
out of such deep consumptions of sinfulness, by the
same hand he perceives himself not to have been
incumbered by the like.

VIII

jy/uit he loved in that his theft

What fruit had I (vi^retched man) heretofrre in chap.

these things, of the remembrance whereof I am now ^^^^

ashamed ? In that piece of thievery especially, ^o™- ^i.

wherein I loved nothing but the very theft itself:

kvhereas that was nothing itself, but I much the more

niserable by it ? Yet by myself alone I would not

lave committed it : so I now remember what my

Hsposition then was : alone I would never have done

t. Belike therefore it was the company that I loved,

ho were with me at it. Then it was not that I

oved nothing but the theft itself; nay verily, nothing

Ise, because that circumstance of the company, was

ideed a very nothing. What is this, verily ? Who

- there to teach me, but even he that enlighteneth

iy heart and discovereth the darkness of it } What

that which came into my head to inquire into,

id to discuss and consider better of.'* For had I

len loved those pears which I stole, and wanted

• eat them, I might have done it by myself,

id it been enougli to commit the thievery, by

hich I might attain my pleasure ; nor needed I

*'^ive provoked that itch of mine own desires, by the

bbing of those guilty consciences. But because

.91

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II
CAP. quoniam in illis pomis voluptas mihi non erat, ea
erat in ipso facinore, quara faciebat consortium simiil
peccantium.

IX
CAr. Quid erat ille afFectus aiiimi ? ccrte enim plane

IX

turpis erat nimis, et vae mihi erat, qui habe-
bam ilium, sed tamen quid erat ? delicta quis in-
tellegit ? risus erat quasi titillato corde, quod falle-
bamus eos, qui haec a nobis fieri non putabant et
f vehementer nolebant. cur ergo eo me delectabat,
I quo id non faciebam solus ? an quia etiam nemo
facile solus ridet } nemo quidem facile^ sed tamen
etiam solos et singulos homines, cum alius nemo
praesens est, vincit risus aliquando, si aliquid nimie
ridiculum vel sensibus occurrit vel animo. at ego
illud solus non facerem, non facerem omnino solus.

Ecce est coram te, deus meus, viva recordatic
animae meae. solus non facerem furtum illud, in qu(
me non libebat id quod furabar, sed quia furabar
quod me solum facere prorsus non liberet, ne<
facerem. o nimis inimica amicitia, seductio menti
investigabilis, ex ludo et ioco nocendi aviditas e
alieni damni appetitus, nulla lucri mei, nulla ulci
cendi libidine, sed cum dicitur : " eamus, faciamus,
et pudet non esse impudentem.
92

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

the pleasure I took consisted not in those pears, it chap.
must needs therefore be in the very prank itself, ^'^^'
which the company of us offenders jointly committed
together.

IX

Bad Company is infectious

What kind of disposition was that then ? For it chap.

was too bad plainly : and woe is me that I had it. ^^

But yet what was it? Oh, who can understand his ^^- ^i-^- ^^

errors? We laughed heartily, till we tickled again,

that we could beguile the owners, who little thought

what we were a doing, and would never have endured

it. Yet, again, why took I delight even in this, that

I did it not alone ? Is it for that no man doth so

readily laugh alone ? Ordinarily indeed nobody

does ; but yet a fit of laughter sometimes comes upon

men by themselves and singly, when nobody else is

with them, if anything worthy to be laughed at

comes either in their eye or fancy. Yet I for my

part would not have done this alone ; I should never

have done it alone verily.

See here, my God, the lively remembrance of my
soul set before thee. Alone, I would never have
committed that theft, wherein what I stole did not so
much content me, as because I stole it ; which would
never have pleased me so well to have done alone,
uor would I ever have done it. O friendship too
unfriendly I Thou inscrutable inveigler of the soul,
thou greediness to do mischief, all out of a mirth and
wantonness, thou thirst to do wrong to others, though
jpon no pleasure of gain or revenge unto me : but

in because when one cries : Let us go, let us do
I or that, then 'tis a shame not to be shameless.

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER II

X

CAP Quis exaperit istam tortuosissimam et in plica tis-

^ simam nodositatem ? foeda est -, nolo in earn inten-

dere, nolo earn videre. te volo, iustitia et innocen-

tia, pulchra et decora honestis luminibus, et insatiabili

satietate. quies est apud te valde et vita impertur

babilis. qui intrat in te, intrat in gaudium

domini sui et non timebit et habebit se

optime in optimo. defluxi abs te ego

et erravi, deus meus, nimis de-

vius ab stabilitate tua in

adulescentia et factus

sum mihi regie

egestatis.

P4

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK II

Whatsoever is good, is in God

Who can pick out that crooked and intricate chap.
knottiness .'' 'Tis filthy, I will never give my mind x
to it, I will not so much as look towards it. But
thee I desire, O Righteousness and Innocency, most
beautiful and comely to all chaste eyes ; yea, with
an insatiable satiety I desire to behold thee. With
thee is rest assured, and a life never to be dis-
turbed. He that enters into thee, enters into his Matt. xxv.
master's joy : and he shall have no cause of 21

fear, and shall be well in him who is
the best. I slid away from thee, and
I went astray, O my God, yea, too
much astray, from thee my
Stay, in these days of my
youth, and I became
to myself a land
of want.

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BOOK III

LIBER TERTIVS

I

CAP. Veni Kartliaginem, et circumstrepebat me undi-
qiie sartago flagitiosorum amorum. nondum amabam,
et amare amabam, et secretiore indigentia oderam
me minus indigentem. quaerebam quid amarem,
amans amare, et oderam seeuritatem et viam sine
muscipulis, quoniam fames mihi erat intus ab in-
teriore cibo, te ipso, deus meus, et ea fame non
esuriebam, sed eram sine desiderio alimentorum
incorruptibilium, non quia plenus eis eram, sed quo
inanior, fastidiosior. et ideo non bene valebat anima
mea, et ulcerosa proiciebat se foras, miserabiliter
sc«lni avida contactu sensibilium. sed si non habe-
rent animam, non utique amarentur. amare et amari
dulce mihi erat, magis si et amantis corpore fruerer. ;
Venam igitur amicitiae coiiiquinabam sordibus
concupiscentiae, candoremque eius obnubilabam
de tartaro libidinis, et tamen foedus atque inhon-
estus, elegans et urbanus esse gestiebam abundant!
vanitate. rui etiam in amorem, quo cupiebam capi.
98

THE THIRD BOOK

He is caught with Love, which he hunted after

To Carthage I came, where a whole frying-pan full chap
abominable loves crackled round about me, and on ^
every side. I was not in love as yet, yet 1 loved to be in
love, and with a more secret kind of want, 1 hated my-
self having little want. I sought about for something
to love, loving still to be in love : security I hated,
and that way too that had no snares in it : and all
because I had a famine within me, even of that in-
ward food (thyself, O God) though that famine made
me not hungry. For I continued without all appetite
towards incorruptible nourishments, not because I
was already full, but the more empty, the more
queasy stomached. For this cause my soul was not
very well, but miserably breaking out into botches,
had an extreme itch to be scratched by the touch of
these sensible things, which yet if they had not a life,
would not be loved at all. It was very pleasur-
ible to me, both to love, and to beloved ; but much
nore, when I obtained to enjoy the person whom
I loved.

I detiled therefore the spring of friendship with
he filth of uncleanliness, and 1 besullied the purity
>f it with the hell of lustfulness. But thus filthy
aid dishonest as I was, with a superlative kind of
anity I took a pride to pass for a spruce and a
entle companion. I Ibrced nivself also into love,

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. deus meus, misericordia mea, quanto felle mihi
suavitatem illam et qiiam bonus aspersisti, quia et
amatus sum, et perveni ad vinculum fruendi et con-
Ijgabar laetus aerumriosis nexibus, ut caederer virgis
ferreig ardentibus zeli et suspicionum et timorum et
irarum atque rixaium.

11

CAP Rapiebant me spectacula theatrica, plena imagin-
ibus miseriarum mearum et fomitibus ignis mei.
quid est, quod ibi homo vult dolere luctuosa et tra-
gica, quae tamen pati ipse nollet ? et tamen pati
vult ex eis dolorem spectator, et dolor ipse est
voluptas eius. quid est nisi miserabilis insania ?
nam eo raagis eis movetur quisque, quo minus a
talibus affectibus sanus est, quamquam, cum ipse
patitur, miseria, cum aliis ccmpatitur, misericordia
dici solet. sed qualis tandem misericordia in rebus
fictis et scenicis? non enim ad siibveniendum pro-
voratur auditor, sed tantum ad dolendum invitatui
et auclori earum imaginiim amplius favet, cuii
100

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III tap.

with which I affected to be ensnared. My God, my Cii
Mercy, with how much sourness didst thou of thy ^
goodness to me, besour that sweetness ? For obtain-
ing once to be beloved again, and secretly arriving to
the bond of enjoying ; I was -with much joy bound
with sorrow-bringing embracements, even that I
might be scourged with the iron burning rods of
jealousy, and suspicions, and fears, and angers, and
brawls.

Of Stage Plays

Stage-plays also at that time drew me away ; sights chap
full of the images of mine own miseries, and the fuel to ^ ^
mine own fire. What is the reason now that a spectator
desires to be made sad when he beholds doleful and
tragical passages, which himself could not endure to
suffer.? Yet for all that he desires to feel a kind
of passionateness, yea, and his passion becomes his
pleasure too. What is all this but a miserable mad- \

ness } For every man is more affected with these
actions, the less free he is from such affections.
Howsoever, when a man suffers aught in his own
person, it uses to be styled misery : but when he
hath a fellow feeling of another's, then 'tis mercy.
But what compassion is to be shown at those feigned
and scenical passions } For the auditors here are not
provoked to help the sufferer, but invited only to be
sorry for him : and they so much the more love the
author of these fictions, by how much the more he can

101

/

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III

*^Ar. ami)]ius dolet. et si calamitates illae hominum vel
II

antiquae vel falsae sic agantur, ut qui spectat non

doleat, abscedit inde fastidiens et reprehendens ; si

autem doleat, manet intentus et gaudens. lacrimae

ergo amantur et dolores. certe omnis homo gaudere

vult. an cum miserum esse neminem libeat, libet

tamen esse misericordem, quod quia non sine dolore

est, hac una causa amantur dolores % et hoc de ilia

vena amicitiae est.

Sed quo vadit? quo fluit? ut quid decurrit in

torrentem picis buUientis, aestus inmanes taetrarum

libidinura, in quos ipsa mutatur, et vertitur per

nutum proprium de caelesti serenitate detorta atque .

deiecta ? repudietur ergo misericordia ? nequaquam.

ergo amentur dolores aliquando. sed cave inmundi-

ti.im, anima mea, sub tutore deo meo, deo patrum

nostrorum et laudabili et superelato in omnia saecula,

cave inmunditiam. neque enim nunc non misereor,

sed tunc in theatris congaudebam amantibus, cum

sese fruebantur per flagitia, quamvis haec imaginarie

gererent in ludo spectaculi, cum autem sese amitte-

bant, quasi misericors contristabar ; et utrumque de-

lectabat tamen. nunc vero magis miseror gaudentem

in flagitio quam velut dura perpessum detrimento
102

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

move passion in them : and if the calamities of the chap.
person represented (either fallen out long since or ^^
utterly feigned) be so lamely set out, that no passion
be moved in the spectator, he goes away surfeited
and reporting scurvily of it. But if he be moved to
passion, he sits it out very attentively, and even
weeps for joy again. Are tears therefore loved, and
passions ? Verily each man desires joyfulness. Or,
whereas no man is willing to be miserable, is he
notwithstanding pleased to be merciful .'' which
because it cannot be without passion, for this reason
alone come passions to be loved. All this springs
from that vein of friendship.

But whither goes that vein ? Which way flows
it ? Wherefore runs it into that torrent of boiling
pitch, those vast overflowings of vile lustfulness, into
the nature of which it is of its own inclination
changed, being quite altered from its heavenly clear-
ness, and depraved .'* Shall compassion therefore be
banished.'' By no means. Let us frame ourselves
rather to love passion sometimes, But take. heed of
uncleanness, O my soul, under the eye of God my
Protector, (that God of our fathers, who is to be
praised, and to be exalted above all, for ever and
ever) beware of uncleanness. Nor am I now past all
compassion; but when in those days I in the theatres
sympathised together with the lovers, when they
wickedly enjoyed one another, although their parts
were merely feigned in the action of the comedy :
and when they lost one another, I was sad with
them, as if really pitying them : being in both
equally delighted notwithstanding. But I much
more pity him now that still rejoiceth in his own
wickedness, than I do him that is, as it were, hardly
pinched with the foregoing of some pernicious

103

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III

CAP. perniciosae voluptatis et amissione miserae felicitatis.

> haec certe verier misericordia, sed non in ea delectat

; dolor, nam etsi adprobatiir officio caritatis qui dolet

; miserum, mallet tamen utique non esse quod doleret,

! qui germanitus misericors est. si enim est malevola

benevolentia^ quod fieri non potest, potest et ille, qui

veraciter sinceriterque miseretur, cupere esse miseros^

ut misereatur. nonnullus itaque dolor adprobandus,

nullus amandus est. hoc enim tu, domine deus, qui

animas amas, longe alteque purius quam nos, et in-

corruptibilius misereris, quod nuUo dolore sauciaris.

et ad haec quis idoneus ?

At ego tunc miser dolere amabam, et quaerebam,
ut esset quod dolerem, quando mihi in aerumna
alicna et falsa et saltatoria, ea magis placebat actio
histrionis meque alliciebat vehementius, qua mihi
lacrimae excutiebantur. quid autem mirum, cum
infelix pecus aberrans a grege tuo et inpatiens cus-
todiae tuae, turpi scabie foedarer.'' et inde erant
dolorum amores^ non quibus altius penetrarer — non
enim amabam talia perpeti, qualia spectare — sed
quibus auditis et fictis tamquam in superficie raderer :
quos tamen quasi ungues scalpentium fervidus tumor
et tabes et sanies horrida consequebatur. talis vita
mea numquid vita erat, deus meus }

104

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

})leasure, and the loss of some miserable felicity, chap.
This certainly is the truer mercy, but the grief ^^
gives not so much delight. For though he that
condoles with the miserable be commended for his
office of charity ; yet had he, that is most brotherly
compassionate, much rather there were no occasion
given him to condole. For if there be a good- will
that is ill-willed, (which can never be), then only may
he, who is truly and sincerely compassionate, wish
there might still be some men miserable, that he might
still be compassionate. Some kind of sorrow may /
therefore be allowed, but no kind loved. And thus
dost thou, O Lord God, who lovest our own souls
much more purely than ourselves can do, and art
more incorruptibly merciful, because thou canst be
wounded with no sorrowfulness. And who is fit for
these things .'*

But wretched I, loved at that time to be made
sorry, and sought out matter to be sorry at, whenas
in another man's misery, though feigned, and
merely personated, that action of the player best
pleased me, yea, and drew me the more vehemently,
which extracted tears out of mine eyes. What
marvel was it now, when being an unhappy sheep,
straying from thy flock, and not contented with thy
keeping, I became infected with that filthy scab }
And hence came my loving of those sorrows, not
such, though, as should gall me too deep : (nor was
I so far gone, as to love to suffer, what I loved to
look upon :) but such yet as upon hearing these fictions
should lightly scratch me ; upon which (as after
scratching nails) followed an impostumation, and a
putrefied matter. Such a life I then led; but was
that a life, O my God ?

I

105

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III

III

CAP. Et circumvolabat super me fidelis a longe miseri-
III

cordia tua. in quantas iniquitates distabui, et sacri-

lega euriositate secutus sum, ut deserentem te dedu-

ceret me ad ima infida et circumventoria obsequia

daemoniorum, quibus immolabam facta mea mala, et

in omnibus flagellabas me ! ausus sum etiam in cele-

britate sollemnitatum tuarum, intra parietes ecclesiae

tuae concupiscere, et agere negotium procurandi

fructus mortis : unde me verberasti gravibus poenis,

sed nil ad culpam meam, o tu praegrandis miseri-

cordia mea, deus meus, refugium meum a terribilibus

nocenttbus, in quibus vagatus sum praefidenti collo

ad longe recedendum a te, amans vias meas et non

tuas, amans fugitivam libertatem.

Habebant et ilia studia, quae honesta vocabantur,

ductum suum intuentem fora litigiosa, ut excellerem

in eis, hoc laudabilior, quo fraudulentior. tanta est

caecitas hominum de caecitate etiam gloriantium. et

maior iam eram in schola rhetoris et gaudebam

superbe et tumebam typho, quamquam longe sedatior,

domine, tu scis, et remotus omnino ab eversionibus,

quas faciebant eversores — hoc enim nomen saevum

et diabolicum velut insigne urbanitatis est— inter

106

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

III

His conversation with young Lawyers

And thy faithful mercy hovered over me afar off ! chap.
Upon what gross iniquities consumed I myself, ^^^
pursuing a sacrilegious curiosity, that having once
forsaken thee, it might bring me as low as the very
bottom of infidelity, to that beguiling service of devils,
unto whom I sacrificed mine own vile actions ; for all
which thou didst chastise me.'* I was so bold one
day, as thy solemnities were a celebrating, even
within the walls of thy Church, to desire and to
execute a business, enough to purchase me the very
fruits of death. For which thou scourgedst me with
very grievous punishments, though nothing in respect
of my fault, O thou my infinite Mercy, my God, my
Refuge against those terrible dangers, in which I
wandered with a stiff neck, to withdraw myself the
further off from thee, loving mine own ways, and not
thine : affecting a freedom, though that of a run-
away.

Those studies of mine also which were accounted
commendable, were intended towards the Law, with
an ambition to prove excellent at them ; so much the
famouser as I proved the craftier. Such is men's
blindness, that they even brag of their own owl-
eyedness. I became by this time to be a prime
fellow in the Rhetoric Schools ; and I joyed in it
very pertly, and I swelled again with arrogancy,
though more temperate I was. Lord thou knowest,
yea, and far enough off from those humours of the
Overturners (for this cruel and diabolical name was
given out to be the very badge of gallantry) whom

107

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER III
CAP. quos vivebam pudore inpudenti, quia talis non eram :
et cum eis eram et amicitiis eorum delectabar ali-
quando, a quorum semper factis abhorrebam, hoc est
ab eversionibus, quibus proterve insectabantur igno-
torum verecundiam, quam proturbarent gratis inlu-
dendo atque inde pascendo malevolas laetitias suas.
nihil est illo actu similius actibus daemoniorum.
quid itaque verius quara eversores vocarentur, eversi
plane prius ipsi atque perversi, deridentibus eos et
seducentibus fallacibus occulte spiritibus in eo ipso,
quo alios inridere amant et fallere ?

IV

CAP. Inter hos eso inbecilla tunc aetate discebam libros

IV

eloquentiae, in qua eminere cupiebam^fine damnabili
et ventoso per gaudia vanitatis humanae ; et usitato
iam discendi ordine perveneram in librum cuiusdam
Ciceronis, cuius linguam fere omnes mirantur, pectus
non ita. sed liber ille ipsius exhortationem con-
tinetad philosophiam et vocatur Hortensius. ille vero
liber mutavit affectum meum, et ad te ipsum, domine,
108

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

notwithstanding I kept company withal^ even with chap.
an impudent bashfulness, because I had not so rightly ^^^
gotten the garb of it as they. With these I conversed,
and was oittimes deHghted with their acquaintance,
whose doings I did ever abhor, that is their humours
of Overturning : in which their custom was, mala-
})ertly enough, to come over the demure and bashful
behaviour of the freshmen, whom they thoroughly
vexed with abusing and jeering at, upon no occasion ;
and all to maintain their own humour of bitter
jesting : nothing in the world can be liker the very
actions of the devil himself, than this behaviour
of theirs. What name then could they more truly
be called by, than Overturners ? Being themselves
overturned and altogether perverted first, and that
by those seducing and deceiving spirits, secretly
deriding them, even while they themselves take so
much delight to jeer at, and to put tricks upon

I hers.
How Tullys Hortensius provoked him to shidy
Philosophy
MOXGST these mad companions in that tender CHAr.
age of mine learned I the books of eloquence, ^^
wherein my ambition was to be eminent, all out of
a damnable and vain-glorious end, puffed up with a
delight of human glory. By the ordinary course of
study I fell upon a certain book o-f one Cicero, whose
tongue almost every man admires, though not so his
heart. This book of his contains an exhortation to
Philosophy, and 'tis called Hortensius. Now this
book quite altered my affection, turned my prayers

109

IV

S A\v \MlM COXFESSIONVM UBER III
iur, miitAvit prcvcsmcAS,ctvoU«c<lesideTi*mea fecit alia.
Yiluit mibi repealft oamk Tana ^f»es, et inmortalitatein
sa^^ntiae eoncQiilscebam aestu coi^ incredibili, et
smgei^ coepenon^ ui ad te redifeiii. non enim ad
aciMaidaiii UnfMUKi^ quod vlddbar em«re matetnis
metcedibas, cum agei«n aim«ini aetatis undeYicen-
simutt^ iam defunelo pktx^ ante biennium ; non ergo
ad aea«!idam Unguam lelerelviiu ilium librum, iieque
mlhl locaUonem^ sed quod loqaebatiur persoaserat,

Quomodo aidebun^ deas mens* quomodo ardebam
re¥olare a tanenls ad te> et neseiebvon quid ageres
iae«v«i ! wpuA te esi ^am aapientia* amor autem
sapienUae nomen graeeam babet philosi^iani, quo
me aeoend^Mnt illae Utt«Nie« sunt qui seduoant per
)>bik»(^)biKai« UMiptto ^ blando et boneslo nomine
cokNtanteset firauites enwes sues; et prope omnes,qui
ex iUis et supra tenporibiis tales erant, nolantttr in eo
libiKi et demonstrantnr^ et manilestator ibt salutilera
ilU athnonitio spirit r serrum tuum bonum et

— •" •• videte,nevi«.> v^^ v;ec^»iatperphOo$ophian)
. . sedue^kknem secundum tmditi^iMBem boon*
imiu. $e<^udur . ca huiu> mm secun«

dum Cbristum^ qui:t m ijiso iuhabr.i; . -rtv.s |)}enitttdo
divimlaib ewporabter-.'' et ego illo ieiu)>oie, scis tu.
lumen eovdis mei^« quoniam needum mihi haee ap<.i$>
tobca nota er»ut. boc tamen solo deleetabsir in ilU
eSKborlatKuir. v^UvhI iMMi ilbuu :iut ilUin sectjiui. >chi
HO

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

to thyself, O Lord, and made me have clean other CHAr.
purposes and desires. All my vain hopes I thence- ^^
forth slighted ; and with an incredible heat of spirit
I thirsted after the immortality of wisdom, and began
now to rouse up myself, that I might turn again to
thee ward. For I made not use of that book to file
my tongue with, which I seemed to buy with that
exhibition which my mother allowed me, in that
nineteenth year of my age, my father being dead
two years before. 1 made not use of that book, I
say, to sharpen my tongue withal, nor had Tt "per-
suaded me to affect the fine language in it, but tlie
matter of it.

How did I burn then, my God, how did 1 burn
to fly from e arthly delights Jtowards thee, and yet l^
I knew not wlTartTTo^ii'me/ineclst to do with me !
For with thee is wisdom. That love of wisdom is
! in Greek called Philosophy, with which that book
inflamed me. Some there be that seduce others
through Philosophy, under a great, a fair promising,
and an honest name, colouring over and palliating
their own errors : and almost all those who in the
same and former ages had been of that stamp, are
in that book censured and set forth : there also
is that niosL wholesome advice of thy Spirit, given
by thy good and devout servant, made plain : Beware Ooi. if. 8
lest any man spoil you through Philosophy and vain
deceit after the tradition of men, after the rudi-
ments of the world, and not after Christ. For in
him dwelleth all the Fulness of the Godhead bodily.
For my part, thou Light of my heart knowest, that
the Apostolical Scriptures were scarce known to me
fit that time : but tiiis was it that so delighted me
in that exhortation, that it did not engage me to this
or tiiat sect, but left me free to love, and seek, and

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER III
CAP. ipsam quaecumque esset sapieiitiam ut diligerem et
quaererem et adsequerer et tenerem atque amplexarer
fortiter, excitabar sermone illo et accendebar et
ardebanij et hoc solum me in tanta flagrantia
refrangebat, quod iiomen Christi non erat ibi,
quoniam hoc nomen secundum misericordiam tuam,
domine, hoc nomen salvatoris mei, fill tui, in ipso
adhuc lacte matris tenerum cor meum pie biberat et
alte retinebat, et quidquid sine hoc nomine fuisset_,
quamvis litteratum et expolitum et veridicum, non
me totum rapiebat.

CAP. Itaque institui animum intendere in scripturas
sanctas, et videre^ quales essent. et ecce video rem
non compertam superbis neque nudatam pueris, sed
incessu humilem, successu excelsam, et velatam
mysteriis, et non eram ego talis^ ut intrare in earn
possem, aut inclinare cervicem ad eius gressus. now
enim sicut modo loquor, ita sensi, cum attendi ad
illam scripturam, sed visa est mihi indigna, quam
TulHanae dignitati compararem. tumor enim meus
refugiebat modiim eius, et aciesmea non penetrabat
interiora eius. verum tameu ilia erat, quae cresceret
112

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

obtain, and hold, and embrace Wisdom itself, %\hat- CHAr.
ever it was. Perchnnce it was that book I was ^^
stirred up, and enkindled, and inflamed by: this
thing only in such a heat of zeal took me off, that
the name of Christ was not in it. For this Name,
according to thy mercy, O Lord, this Name of my
^yiour thy Son, had my tender heart even together
with my mother's milk devoutly drunken in, and
charily treasured up : so that what book soever was ..
without that Name, though never so learned, politely
and truly penned, did not altogether take my appro-
bation.

i»

He sets lightly hy the Holy Sciipiures because of
the simplicity of the style
I RESOLVED thereupon to bend my studies towards chap.
the Holy Scriptures, that I might see what they ^
were. But behold, I espy something in them not
revealed to the proud, not discovered unto children,
humble in style, sublime in operation, and wholly
veiled over in mysteries ; and I was not so fitted at
that time, as to pierce into the sense, or stoop my
neck to its coming. For when I attentively read
these Scriptures, I thought not then so of them, as I
now speak ; but they seemed to me far unworthy to
be compared to the stateliness of the Ciceronian
eloquence. For my swelling pride soared above the
temper of their style, nor was my sharp wit able to
pierce into their sense. And yet such are thy
I H 113

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIOiNVM LIBER III
CAP. oum parvulis^ sed ego dedignabar esse parvulus et
turgidus fastu milii grandis videbar.

VI

CAP. Itaque incidi in homines superbe delirantes, ear-
nales nimis et loquaces. in quorum ore laquei dia-
boli, et viscum confectum conmixtione syllabarum
nominis tui et domini lesu Christi et paracleti con-
solatoris nostri spiritus sancti. haec nomina non
recedebant de ore eorum, sed tenus sono et strepitu
ling^uae ; ceterum cor inane veri. et dicebant :
" Veritas et Veritas," et mu.ltum earn dicebant mihi,
et nusquam erat in eis^ sed falsa loquebantur non de
te tantum, qui vere Veritas es, sed etiam de istis
dementis mundi, creatura tua, de quibus etiam vera
dicentes philosophos transgredi debui prae amore
tuo, mi pater summc bone, pulchritudo pulchrorum
omnium, o Veritas, Veritas, quam intime etiam turn
meduUae animi mei suspirabant tibi, cum te illi
sonarent mihi frequenter et raultipliciter, voce sola
et libris multis et in<;entibus ! et ilia erant fercula..
in quibus mihi esurienti te inferebatur sol et luna
pulchra opera tua, sed tamen opera tua, non tu, nee
114

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIOxVS BOOK III

Scriptures as grew up together with thy little ones. chap.
But I much disdained to be held a little one ; and ^
big swollen with pride, I took myself to be some
great man.

Ik ^^

^ How he was ensnared by the Manichees

And even then I fell upon a sect of men proudly chap.
doting, too carnal and prating, in whose mouth were ^^
the very snares of the Devil, and a very bird-lime
composed by the mixture of the syllables of thy
Name, and of our Lord Jesus Christ, and of the Holy
Ghost the Comforter. All these names were never
out of their mouth ; so far forth as the sound only and
the noise of the tongue; but their heart was void of
true meaning. Yet they cried out Truth, and Truth,
and often sounded the word to me, yet was the Truth
itself nowhere to be found amongst them. But they
spake falsehood, not of thee only (who truly art the
Truth itself) but also of the elements of this world,
thy creatures. Concerning which it had been my
duty, O my supreme and good Father, thou Beauty
of all things that are beautiful, to have passed by
all the Philosophers though they spake most truly.
O Truth, Truth, how inwardly did the very marrow
of my soul pant after thee, whenas they often
and divers ways, though but barely, sounded thy
name to me, with their voice only, and in many
books and huge volumes i* And these were the
dishes wherein to me, hunger-starven for thee,
they served up the sun and moon. Beautiful
works indeed of thine, but thy creatures notwith-
standing, not thyself, no. nor thy first creatures

115

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. ipsa prima, priora eniin spiritalia opera tua quam
ista corporea quamvis lucida et ca»;lestia.

At ego nee priora illa^ sed te ipsam, Veritas, in qua
non est conmutatio nee momenti obumbratio, esurie-
bam et sitiebam. et apponebantur adhuc mihi in illis
ferculis phantasmata splendida, quibus lam melius erat
amare istum solem, saltern istis oculis verum, quam
ilia falsa animo decepto per oculos. et tamen, quia
te putabam, manducabam, non avide quidem, quia
nee sapiebas in ore meo sicuti es — neque enim tu
eras ilia figmenta inania — nee nutriebar eis, sed ex-
hauriebar magis, cibus in somnis siniillimus est cibis
vigilantium, quo tamen dormientes non aluntur ;
dormiunt enim. at ilia nee similia erant ullo modo
tibi, sicut nunc mihi locuta cs, quia ilia erant cor-
poralia phantasmata, falsa corpora, quibus certiora
sunt vera corpora ista, quae videmus visu carneo, sive
caelestia sive terrestria : cum pccudibus et volatili-
bus videmus, et certiora sunt, quam cum imaginamui
ea. et rursus certius imaginamur ea quam ex ei^
suspicamur alia grandiora et infinita^ quae omninc
nulla sunt, qualibus ego tunc pascebar inanibus et
non pascebar.

At tu, amor meus, in quern deficio, ut fortis sira
nee ista corpora es, quae videmus quamquam ii;
caelo, nee ea, quae non videmus ibi, quia tu ist«
116

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

neither. For thy spiritual works are before these chap.
corporeal works, celestial though they be and ^^
shining.

But I hungered and thirsted not after those first
works of thine, but after thee, even thee, O Truth,
with whom there is no variableness, neither shadow James i, i;
of turning. Yet they still set before me in those
dishes glorious phantasies, than which much better
it were to love this sun, which is true to our sight
at least, than those phantasies which by our eyes
serve to deceive our mind. Yet because I thought
them to be thee, 1 fell to and fed ; not greedily
though, for thou wert not savoury in my mouth, nor
like thyself; for thou wast not those empty fictions :
nor was I soundly nourished by them, but drawn
dry rather. That food we dream of shows very like )
t he food w hich we eat aH^'akie"; yeF are ri those
asleep nourisTTed^by^if/rolL* ^ey are asleep. But
Those phantasies were not any way like to thee,
as thou hast since spoken to me ; for that those
were cor})oreal phantasies only, false bodies, than
vvhich these true bodies both celestial and terrestrial
which with our fleshly sight we behold, are far more
certain. These things the very beasts and birds
discern as well as we, and they are much more
certain than any we can fancy of ourselves. And
again, we do with more certainty conceive the
images of these, than by them entertain the least
suspicion of any vaster or infinite bodies which have
at all no being. Such empty husks as these was I
fed with, yet not a whit nourished.

But thou, my Love, after whom I pine, that 1 may
gather the more strength, art not these bodies which
we see, though from heaven appearing : nor art thou
l^se things which we see not there : for all those

■ in

L

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. condidisti nee in summis tuis conditionibus habes.

VI

quanto ergo longe es a phantasmatis illis meis, phan-
tasraatis corporiim, quae omnino non sunt I quibus
certiores sunt phantasiae corporum eorum, quae sunt,
et eis certiora corpora, quae tamen non es. sed nee
anima es, quae vita est corporum — ideo melior vita
corporum certiorque quam corpora — sed tu vita es
animarum, vita vitarum^ vivens te ipsa, et non mutaris,
vita animae meae.

V'^bi ergo mihi tunc eras et quam longe ? et longe
peregrinabar abs te, exclusus et a siliquis porcorum,
quos de siliquis pascebam, quanto enim mehores
grammaticorum et poetarum fabellae quam ilia
-^ decipula I nam versus et carmen et Medea volans
utiliores certe, quam quinque elementa, varie fucata
propter quinque antra tenebrarum, quae omnino
nulla sunt et occldunt credentem. nam versum et
carmen etiam ad vera pulmenta transfer© ; volantem
autem Medeam etsi cantabam, non asserebam, etsi
cantari audiebam, non credebam : ilia autem credidi.
vae, vae ! quibus gradibus deductus in profunda
inferi, quippe laborans et aestuans inopia veri, cum
te, deus meus — tibi confiteor, qui me miseratus es et
noiulum confitentem — cum te non secundum intel-
lectum mentis, quo inodo praestare voluisti beluis,
sed secundum sensum carnis quaererem. tu autem
118

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

hast thou created; nor yet dost thou count them CHAP,
amongst the chiefest pieces of thy workmanship. How ^^
far tlien art thou from those fond phantasies of mine,
the phantasies of those bodies wliich have at all no
being ! Than which the images of those bodies, which
have real existence, are far more certain ; and the
bodies themselves are more certain than their own
images : yet these bodies thou art not. No, nor yet
art thou the soul, which is the life of those bodies ;
though better and more certain be the life ot those
bodies, than the bodies themselves are. But thou art
the life of souls, the life of lives, yea the very living
life itself; nor art thou altered, O life of my soul.

Where therefore wert thou then, and how far
from me? Very far verily had I straggled from thee,
being even barred from the husks of those swine,
wliotn with husks I was set to feed. How much better
then are those fables of the poets and grammarians,
tiian these fool -traps ! For their verses, and poems,
and Medea flying, are more profitable surely, than
these men's Five Elements, oddly devised to answer
the Five Dens of Darkness, which have at all no
being, and which slay the believer. For verses and
poems I can turn into true nourishment. But Medea
flying, although I chanted sometimes, yet I maintained
not the truth of; and though I heard it sung, I
believed it not : but these phantasies I thorougidy
believed. Alas^ alas ! by what steps was I brought to
the very bottom of hell ; whenas toiling and tur-
moiling myself through want of truth, I sought
after thee my God, (to thee I now confess it, who
hadst mercy on me when I had not yet confessed)
not according to the understanding of the mind, ^
wherein thou madest me to excel the beasts, but
according to the sense of the flesh } But thou at

119

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER III
CAP. eras interior intimo meo et superior summo meo.
^^ offendi illam mulierem audacem, inopem prudentiae,
aenigma Salomonis, sedentem super sellam in foribus
et dicentem : panes occultos libenter edite et aquam
dulcem furtivam bibite. quae me seduxit, quia
invenit foris habitantem in oculo carnis meae, et talia
ruminantem apud me, qualia per ilium vorassem.

VII

CAP. Nesciebam enim aliud, vere quod est, et quasi
acutule movebar, ut suffragarer stultis deceptoribus,
cum a me quaereretur, unde malum est? et utrum
forma corporea deus finiretur, et haberet capillos et
ungues, et utrum iusti existimandi essent qui habe-
rent uxores multas simul, et occiderent homines, et
sacrificarent de animalibus. quibus rerum ignarus
perturbabar, et recedens a veritate ire in earn mihi
videbar, quia non noveram malum non esse nisi
privationem boni usque ad quod omnino non est.
"^uod unde viderem, cuius videre usque ad corpus
erat oculis, et animo usque ad phantasma ? non
noveram deum esse spiritual, non cui membra essent
per longum et latum nee cui esse moles esset,
quia moles in parte minor est quam in toto suo, et
120

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

the same time wert more inward than my most chap.
inward part ; and superior then, unto my supreniest. ^^^
I chanced upon that bold woman, who knoweth compare
nothing, that subtilty in Solomon, sitting at the door Prov. vii.io
of her house, and saying : Eat ye bread of secrecies i^^'J's.^J^'
willingly, and drink ye stolen waters which are sweet.
She seduced me, because she found my soul without-
doors, dwelling in the eye of my flesh, and chewing
the cud by myself, upon such baits as through her
enticements I had devoured.

VII

The absurd dochine of the Manichees

For I knew not that other, which truh^ is, and I was, chap.
as it were, in some subtle way persuaded to give my ^"^^
consent to those foolish deceivers when they put
their questions to me: Whence comes evil.'* and ---^
whether God were made up in a bodily shape, and
had hair and nails t and whether those were to be
esteemed righteous men, who had many wives at
once, and did kill men, and offered sacrifices of
living creatures ? At which things ignorant I was
much troubled ; and while I went quite from the
truth, I seemed to myself to be making towards it :
because I yet knew not how that evil was nothing
else but a privation of good, next indeed to that
which has no being, Wiiich how should I come to
see, whose sight pierced no further than to a body
with mine eyes; and with my soul no deeper than to
a mere phantasy .'* Nor did I know God to be a
Spirit who hath not any parts extended in length and
breadth, nor whose Being was to be a bulk ; for that

121

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CA]^ si iiifinita sit, minor est in aliqua parte certo spatio

VII

definitHj quam per infinitum, et non est tota ubique
sicut spiritus, sicut deus. et quid in nobis esset,
secundum quod essemus, et quid in scriptura dice-
^•emur, ad imaginem dei, prorsus ignorabara.

Et non noveram iustitiam veram interiorem non
ex consuetudine iudicantem, sed ex lege rectissima
dei omnipotentis, qua formarentur mores regionum
et dierum pro regionibus et diebus, cum ipsa ubique
ac semper esset, non alibi alia nee alias aliter;
secundum quam iusti essent Abraham et Isaac et
Jacob et Moyses et David, et illi omnes laudati
ore dei ; sed eos ab imperitis iudicari iniquos,
iudicantibus ex bumano die et universos mores
humani generis ex parte moris sui metientibus;
tamquam si quis nescius in armamentis, quid cui
membro adcommodatum sit, ocrea velit caput
contegi et galea calciari, et murmuret, quod non
apte conveniat ; aut in uno die, indicto a pomeri-
dianis lioris iustitio, quisquam stomachetur non sibi
concedi quod venale proponere, quia mane con-
cessum est ; nut in una domo videat aliquid
tractari manibus a quoquam servo, quod facere non
sinatur qui pocula ministrat ; aut aliquid post prae-
sepia fieri, quod ante mensam prohibeatur; et
122

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

every bulk is lesser in his part, than in his whole : and chap.
if it be infinite^ it must needs be less in some part ^^^
that is limited, than in his infinity ; and cannot so be
wholly everywhere, as a spirit is, as God is. And
which part in us that should be, by which we were,
and how rightly in the Scriptures we may be said
to be made after the image of God, I was altogether
ignorant.

Nor did I know that true and inward righteous-
ness, jvhich judgeth not according to custom, but out ^
of the most ri^ht till Law of God Almiglitj, by which •
the lasTiions of several places and times were so dis-
posed, as was fittest both for those times and places ;
itself in the mean time being the same always and
everywhere ; not another thing in another place,
nor otherwise upon another occasion. According to
which righteousness Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob,
and Moses w^ere righteous, yea, and all those other
commended by the mouth of God : but they were
judged unrighteous by unskilful people judging out
of human judgment, and measuring all mankind in
general by the model of their own customs : just as
if in armour, a man being ignorant what piece
were appointed for Avhat part, should clap a greave
upon his head, and draw a headpiece upon his leg,
and then murmur because they would not fit him : or
as if upon some set day when the course of Justice is
publicly forbidden in the afternoon, a shopkeeper
should stomach at it that he may not have leave to
sell his wares, because it was lawful for him to do it
in the forenoon : or when in some house lie observeth
some servant to pass that kind of business through
his hands, which the butler is not suffered to meddle
withal ; or some thing done behind the stable, which
is forbidden in the dining-room : or as if he should

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBEIl III
CAP. indignetur, cum sit unum habitaculum et una familia,
non ubique atque omnibus idem tribui. sic sunt
isti qui indignantur, cum audierint illo saeculo
licuisse iustis aliquid, quod isto non licet iustis ; et
quia illis aliud praecepit deus, istis aliud pro tem-
poralibus causis; cum eidem iustitiae utrique servie-
rint : cum in uno homine et in uno die et in unis
aedibus videant aliud alii membro congruere, et
aliud iam dudum licuisse, post horam non licere,
quiddam in illo angulo permitti aut iuberi, quod
in isto iuxta vetetur et vindicetur. numquid
iustitia varia est et mutabilis ? sed tempora, quibus
praesidet, non pariter eunt ; tempora enim sunt,
homines autem, quorum vita super terram brevis
est, quia sensu non valent causas contexere saecu-
lorum priorum aliarumque gentium, quas experti
non sunt, cum his quas experti sunt, in uno autem
corpore vel die vel domo facile possunt videre,
quid cui membro, quibus momentis, quibus partibus
personisve congruat, in illis ofFenduntur, hie serviunt.
Haec ego tunc nesciebam et non advertebam, et
feriebant undique ista oculos meos, et non videbam.
et cantabam carmina, et non mihi licebat ponere
pedem quemlibet ubilibet, sed in alio atque alio
metro aliter et in iino alicpio versu non omnibus
124

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

be angry, thcit where there is one dwelling-house, CHAP,
and one family, the same equality of distribution is ^^^
not observed everywhere, and to all alike in it. Of
the same humour be those who are fretted to
hear something to have been lawful for righteous
men in the former age, which is not so for righteous
men now-a-days. And because God commanded
them one thing then, and these another thing
now for certain temporal respects; and yet those ot
both ages were servants to the same righteousness :
whereas they may observe in one man, and in one
day, and in one house, different things to be fit for
different members, and one thing to be lawful now,
which an hour hence is not so ; and something to be
permitted or commanded in one corner, which is
forbidden and punished in another. Is Justice
thereupon various or mutable .'* No ; but the times
rather, which justice governs, are not like one
another ; for they are times. But men now, whose
life is but short upon the earth, for that in their own
apprehensions they are not able to compare together
the causes of those former ages, and of other nations,
which they have had no experience of, with these
which they have had experience of; and that in one
and the same body, day or family, they may easily
observe what is fitting for such a member and at
what seasons, what parts and what persons : they
take exception to those, but to these they are
slaves.

These things I then knew not, nor did I mark
them ; and they on every side beat about mine eyes,
yet did I not see them. I endited verses, in which
I had not liberty to place every foot where I pleased,
but in one metre in one })l.ice, and in another metre
^n another place : and not the selfsame foot in all

B ^^^

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER III
CAP. locis eundem pedein ; et ars ipsa, qua canebam, non
habebat aliud alibi, sed omnia simul. et non intuebar
iustitiam, cui servirent boni et sancti homines, longe
excellentius atque siiblimius habere simul omnia
quae praecipit, et nulla ex parte varie, tamen variis
temporibus non omnia simul, sed propria distri-
buentem ac praecipientem. et reprehendjebam
caecus pios patres, non solum, sicut deus iuberet
atque inspiraret, utentes praesentibus, veru-m.quoque,
sicut deus revelaret, futura praenuntiantes-

VIII

CAP. NuMQUiD aliquando aut alicubi iniustum est
VIII

diligere deum ex toto corde et ex tota anima et
ex tota mente, et diligere proximum tamquam tc
ipsum ? itaque flagitia, quae sunt contra naturam,
ubique ac semper detestanda atque punienda sunt,
qualia Sodomitarum fuerunt. quae si omnes gentes
facerent, eodem criminis reatu divina lege tene-
rentur, quae non sic fecit homines, ut hoc se
uterentur modo. violatur quippe ipsa societas, quae
cum deo nobis esse debet, cum eadem natura, cuius
126

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

places of the same verse neither : yea, and the very chap.
art o^ poetry itself, by which I endited, had not rules ^^^
different in one place from those in another, but all
in one. Nor did I then behold how that rule of
righteousness, to which those good and holy men
obeyed, did far more excellently and sublimely con-
tain all its precepts in one ; which though not varied
from itself in any part, yet in different times, did not
distribute or command all the same things at one
time, but what was fit and proper for each time.
Thus blind I reprehended those holy Fathers, not
only for making use of the present things with that
liberty which God both commanded and inspired
them, but even also for foretelling things to come,
which God had revealed unto them.

VIII

Heinous offences ivhat be, and how punished

Can it at any time or place be an unjust thing for chap.
a man to love God with all his heart, with all his ^^^^
soul, and with all his mind ; and his neighbour as
himself.^ Therefore are those crimes which be
against nature, to be everywhere and at all times
both detested and punished ; such as those of the ^^^ — '
men of Sodom were : which should all nations com-
mit, they should stand all guilty of the same crime,
by the Law of God, which hath not so made men,
that they should this way use one another. For
even that society which should be betwixt God and
us, is then violated, when the same nature of which
he is author, is polluted by the preposterousness of

127

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. ille auctor est, libidinis perversitate poUuitur. quae

VIII _

autem contra mores hominum sunt flagit a^ pro
morum diversitate vitanda sunt; ut pactum inter se
civitatis aut gentis consuetudine vel le/^e firmatum
nulla civis aut peregrin! libidine violetur. turpis
enim omnis pars universo suo non congruens.

Cum autem deus aliquid contra morem aut pactum
quorumlibet iubet, etsi nunquam ibi factum est,
faciendum est; et si omissum, instaurandum ; et si
institutum non erat, instituendum est. si enim regi
licet in civitate, cui regnat, iubere aliquid, quod neque
ante ilium quisquam nee ipse umquam iusserat, et
non contra societatem civitatis eius obtemperatur,
immo contra societatem non obtemperatur — generale
quippe pactum est societatis humanae oboedire
regibus suis — quanto magis deus regnator universae
creaturae, cui ad ea quae iusserit sine dubitatione
serviendum est ! sicut enim in potestatibus societatis
humanae maior potestas minori ad oboediendum
praeponitur, ita deus omnibus.

Item in facinoribus, ubi libido est nocendi, sive
per contumeliam sive per iniuriam, et utrumque vel
ulciscendi causa, sicut inimico inimicus, vel adipi-
scendi alicuius extra conmodi, sicut latro viatori, vel
128

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

lust. But those actions which are offences against chap.
the customs and public usages of people, are to be ^'^^^
avoided, with respect had to the diversity of those
several customs and usages ; so that a thing agreed
upon, and confirmed, either by the custom or law
of a city or nation amongst themselves, may not be
violated at the lawless pleasure of any, whether
native or foreigner. For vile is every part that agrees
not with its own whole.

But when God commands anything to be done,
either against the customs or constitutions of any
people whatsoever, though the like were never done
heretofore, yet it is to be done now ; and if ever it
hath been intermitted before, it is to be restored
now ; and if it were never made a law before, it is to
be made one now. For lawful if it be for a King in
that city which he reigns over, to command that
which never any Prince had before him, nor he him-
self ever heretofore, and that it cannot be held to be
against the common good of the city that he is obeyed :
nay it were against it if he were not obeyed : (for a
general agreement of all human societies, is that their
princes should be obeyed) how much more dutiful
then ought we to be to God, who is Lord Paramount
over all his creatures, and that without any sticking
at all, at whatsoever he pleases to command us ! For
as amongst those powers appointed in human society, ,.
the greater authority is set over the lesser, to com-
mand obedience ; so is God set over all.

In heinous offences also, where there arises a licen-
tious will to hurt another, be it either by offering
reproach or injury; and both of these either upon
occasion of revenge, as in one enemy against another,
or for the compassing of some piece of profit, not in his
own power, as in the highway thiel to the traveller ; or

I T 1 20

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. evitandi mali^ sicut ei qui timetur, vel invidendo,

VIII

sicut feliciori misenor aut m aliquo prosperatus ei,
quern sibi aequari timet aut aequalem dolet, vel sola
voluptate alieni mali, sicut spectatores gladiatorum
aut inrisores aut inlusores quorumlibet. haec sunt
capita iniquitatis, quae pullulant principandi et spec-
tandi et seiitiendi libidinCj aut una aut duabus earum,
aut simul omnibus, et vivitur male adversus tria et
septem, psalterium decern chordarum, decalogum
tuum, deus altissime et dulcissime. sed quae flagitia
in te, qui non corrumperis ? aut quae adversus te
f'acinora, cui noceri non potest ? sed hoc vindicas,
quod in se homines perpetrant, quia etiam cum in te
peccant, inpie faciunt in animas suas, et mentitur
iniquitas sibi : sive corrumpendo ac pervertendo
naturam suam, quam tu I'ecisti et ordinasti; vel
inmoderate utendo concessis rebus vel in non con-
cessa flagrando in eum usum, qui est contra naturam ;
aut rei lenentur, animo et verbis saevientes adversus
te et adversus stimulum calcitrantes ; aut cum di-
ruptis limitibus humanae societatis, laetantur, audaces
privatis conciliationibus aut diremptionibus, prout
quidque delectaverit aut ofFenderit.

Et ea fiunt, cum tu derelinqueris, fons vitae, qui es
unus et verus creator et rector universitatis, et privata
130

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

for the eschewing of some evil, as in him that is afraid chap.
of another ; or in case of envying, as the miserable ^iil
wretch against him in happier condition, or he that is
well thriven in anything, fears him that is to grow
up to him, or is grieved at him already in equal case
with him ; or for the pleasure alone at another man's
mischance, as those that are spectators of the sword-
players, or that deride or put tricks on others. These
be the chief heads of iniquity which sprout forth
from that lawless desire of bearing rule, of seeing, of
feeling, op of any one or two of these, or of all tlnee
together. Thus we live offensively against three
and seven, that psaltery of ten strings, thy Ten
Commandments, O God, most High and most Sweet.
But what foul offences can there be against thee,
seeing thou canst not by them be corrupted .'' Or
what high-handed transgressions can cross thee who
canst not be harmed ? But this it is that thou
revengest, that namely which men commit against
themselves, seeing also when they sin against thee,
they do wickedly even against their own souls, and ^
iniquity gives itself the lie : either by corrupting or pg. xxvii.
perverting its own nature which thou hast created 12
and ordained ; or else by an immoderate use of those
creatures appointed for them, or in burning in lust
towards the use of what is not appointed, which is
against nature ; or they are held guilty, for raving
with heart and tongue against thee, kicking thereby
against the prick : or breaking open the pale of all
human society, they rejoice themselves, bold in
their privy societies and schisms, right as anything
either delighteth or offendeth them.

And these pranks are played whenever thou art
forsaken, O Fountain of Life, which art the only
and true Creator and Governor of the universe,

131

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM IJBER III
CAr. superbia diligitur in parte unum falsum. itaque pietate
liumili reditur in te : et purgas nos a consuetudine
mala, et propitiiis es peccatis confitentiunij et exaudis
gemitus conpeditorum, et solvis a vinculis, quae nobis
fecimus, si iam non erigamus adversus te cornua falsae
libertatiSj avaritia plushabendi et damno totum amit
tendi, amplius amando proprium nostrum quam te,
omnium bonum.

IX

CAP. Sed inter flagitia et facinora et tam multas iuiqui-
tates sunt peccata profieientium, quae a bene
iudicantibus et vituperantur ex regula perfectionis,
et laudantur spe frugis sicut herba segetis. et sunt
quaedam similia vel flagitio vel facinori et non sunt
peccata, quia nee te ofFendunt, dominum deum
nostrum, nee sociale consortium ; cum conciliantur
aliqua in usum vitae congrua, et tempori, et incertum
est an libidine liabendi; aut puniuntur corrigendi
studio potestate ordinata, et incertum est an li))idine
132

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

whenas out of a personal pride, a false unity is chap.
loved in a part. By an humble devoutness must we ^'^^^
therefore return unto thee; and then thou purgest
away our lewd customs, and provest favourable to
their sins that confess unto thee, and thou hearest
the groans of those that are enthralled by them, and
thou loosest those fetters which we have made for
our own selves ; if so be we do not lift up against
thee the horns of a feigned liberty, through a gripple-
ness of having more, though with a danger of losing
all ; even by more strongly settling our love upon
our own private commodity, than upon thee, the
common Good of all.

IX

The difference that is betwixt Sins, and betwixt
the Jjidgment of God and Me?i

But amongst vices and crimes and all those iniquities chap.
are the sins of learners ; which by those that judge ^^
rightly, both are discommended, after the rule of
perfection, and yet the persons commended withal,
upon hope of better fruit, as is the green blade
of the growing corn. And there are some again,
that look like infamous or impudent crimes, which
yet are no sins ; even for that they neither offend
thee, O Lord God, nor yet the bond of society ;
when, namely, provision is made of some things
fitting for the times, and we cannot judge whether
it be out of a lust of having; or when some
actions be by ordinary authority punished, with a

133

k

S. AVGVSTINI COXFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. iioc^ndi. multa itaque facta, quae hominibiis inpro-
banda viderentur, testimonio tuo adprobata sunt, et
multa laudata ab hominibus te teste damnantur,
cum saepe se aliter habet species facti et aliter
facientis animus atque articulus occulti temporis. cum
vero aliquid tu repente inusitatum et ir/provisum
imperas, etiamsi hoc aliquando vetuisti, quamvis
causam imperii tui pro tempore occultes, et quamvis
contra pactum sit aliquorum hominum societatis,
quis dubitet esse faciendum, quando ea iusta est
societas hominum, quae servit tibi ? sed beati qui
te imperasse sciunt. fiunt enim omnia a servient-
ibus tibi, vel ad exhibendum, quod ad praesens opus
est, vel ad futura praenuntianda.

X

CAP. Haec ego nesciens, inridebam illos sanctos servos
et prophetas tuos. et quid agebam, cum inridebam
eos, nisi ut inriderer abs te, sensim atque paulalim
perdue tus ad eas nugas, ut crederem ficum plorare,
cum decerpitur, et matrem eius arborem lacrimis
134.

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

desire of correcting, and it is uncertain whether it chai'.
wereoutof a desire of hurting. Many a fact therefore ^^
which seems worthily disallowed by men, is yet well
approved of by thy testimony ; and many a one by
men praised, is, thou being witness, condemned : and
', all this, because the outside of the fact, and the mind
\ of the doer, and the unknown secret of the crisis,
!;are all different from one another. But when thou
on the sudden commandest any unusual and un-
thought-of thing, yea, notwithstanding thou hast
sometime heretofore forbidden this, although thou
keepest secret for the time the reason of thy com-
mand ; and notwithstanding it be against the ordin-
ance of some society of men ; who doubts but it is to
be obeyed, seeing that society of men is a just society,
which serves thee ? But happy are they who know
it was thou that gave the command. For all things
are done by them that serve thee, either for the
providing themselves of what is needful for the
present, or for the foreshowing of something to come
hereafter.

He speaks again of the Fig-tree, and derides ike
Maiiichccs' foolish conceits aboiit it

[YSELF being at that time ignorant of these chap.
tilings, derided heartily those holy servants and -^
pro{)hets of thine. And what gained I by scorning
them, but that myself should in the mean time
be scorned by thee, being sensibly and by little
and little drawn on to tiiese toys, as to believe
that a fig wept when it was plucked, and the tree

135

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. lacteis ? quam tamen ficum si comedisset aliquis
sanctus, alieno sane, non suo seel ere decerptam,
misceret visceribus, et anhelaret de ilia angelos,
immo vero particulas dei, gemendo in oratione atque
ructando : quae particulae summi et veri dei ligatae
fuissent in illo pomo^ nisi electi sancti dente ac ventre
solverentur. et credidi miser magis misericordiam
praestandam friictibus terrae, quam hominibus, prop-
ter quos nascerentur. si quis vero esuriens peteret,
qui Manichaeus non esset, quasi capitali supplicio
damnanda buccella videretur, si ei daretur.

XI

CAP. Et misisti manum tuam ex alto, et de hac profunda
caligine eruisti animam meam, cum pro me fleret ad
te mea mater, fidelis tua, amplius quam flent matres
corporea funera. videbat enhn ilia mortem meam
ex fide et spiritu, quem habebat ex te, et exaudisti
earn, domine. exaudisti earn nee despexisti lacrimas
eius, cum profluentes rigarent terram sub oculis eius
in omni loco orationis ciiis : exaudisti earn, nam
unde illud soiunium, quo earn consolatus es, utvivere
mecum eederet et liabere mecum eandcm mensanj
IS6

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

the motlier of it to shed milky tears ? Which fig not- chap.
withstanding (so that it were plucked by some other ^
man's sin.) had some Manichean saint eaten, he should thug^re-^^
digest in his guts, and breathe out of that fig, very leased the
angels : yea, in his prayer, groan and sigh out cer- "i*&^<^- „
tain portions, forsooth, of the Deity : which por- imprisoned
tions of the most High and True God should remain in food
bound in that fig, unless they had been set at liberty
by the teeth or belly of some elect holy one. And
I believed (wretch that I was) that more mercy was
to be shewn to the fruits of the earth, than unto
men for whose use they were created. For if any
man, though an hungered, should have begged a bit,
who were no Manichee, that morsel should seem
fit to be condemned with capital punishment, should
it have been civen to him.

XI

His Mother s Dream

And thou stretchedst thine hand from on high, CHAr.
and drewest my soul out of that darksome deepness, ^^
whenas my mother thy faithful one wept to thee for l*s- i^^xv.
me, more bitterly than mothers use to do for the
bodily deaths of their children. For she evidently
saw that I was dead, by that faith and spirit which
thou hadst given her, and thou heardest her, O Lord ;
thou heardest her, and despisedst not her tears, when
fiowing down they watered the very earth under her
eyes in every place where she prayed ; yea, thou
heardest her. For whence else was that dream of
hers, l)y which thou comfortedst her; after which
she allowed me to live with her, and to eat at

137

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. in domo ? quod nolle coeperat, aversans et detestans
blasphemias crroris mei. vidit eilim se stantem in
quadam regula lignea et venientem ad se iuvenem
splendidum hilarem atque arridentem sibi, cum ilia
esset maerens et maerore confecta. qui cum causas
ab ea quaesisset maestitiae suae cotidianarumque
lacrimarum (docendi, utadsolet, non discendi gratia),
atque ilia respondisset perditionem meara se plangere,
iussisse ilium, quosecura esset, atque admonuisse, ut
adtenderet et videret, ubi esset ilia, ibi esse et me.
quod ilia ubi adtendit, vidit me iuxta se in eadem
regula stantem. unde hoc, nisi quia erantaures tuae
ad cor eius, o tu bone omnipotens, qui sic curas
unumquemque nostrum, tamquam solum cures, et sic
omnes, tamquam singulos ?

Vnde illud etiam, quod cum mihi narrasset ipsum
visum, et ego ad id detrahere conarer, ut ilia se potius
non desperaret futuram esse quod eram, continuo
sinealiqua haesitatione : "non" inquit ; " non enim
mihi dictum est : ubi ille, ibi et tu, sed : ubi tu, ibi
et ille." confiteor tibi, domine, recordationem meam,
quantum recoio, quod saepe non tacui, amplius me
isto per matrera responso tuo, quod tam vicina inter-
pretationis falsitate turbata non est, et tam cito vidit
quod videndum fuit— quod ego certe, antequam dix-
isset, non videram — etiam turn fuisse commotum
quam ipso somnio, quo feminae piae gaudium, tanto
138

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

the same table in house with her, which slie already chap.
began to be unwilling to do, refusing and detesting -^^
the blasphemies of my error. For she saw, in her Compare
sleep, herself standing upon a wooden rule, and a;^"*^^;
very beautiful young man coming towards her, with g^ reo^uia
a cheerful countenance and smiling upon her, her- Mei"
self being grieved and far gone with sorrowfulness.
Which young man when he had demanded of her
the causes of her sadness and daily weepings, (that
he might teach, as they use to do, rather than learn)
and she had answered that it was my perdition that
she bewailed; he bade her rest contented, and wished
her to observe diligently and behold, that where she
herself was, there was I also. Who when she looked
aside, she saw me standing by her upon the same
rule. How should this chance now, but that thine
ears were bent towards the requests of her heart, O
thou Good Omnipotent, who hast such special care
of every one of us, as if thou hadst care but of one
alone ; and so regardest all, as if but single persons !
How came this about also, that when she had told
me this vision, and I would have interpreted it, that
she should not despair of being one day what I was :
she presently, without any sticking at, replies :
"No," saith she, "it was not told me, thou art where
he is ; but where thou art, there he is " .'' I confess
to thee O Lord, that to the best of my remembrance
(which I have often spoken of) I was then the more
moved at this thy answer by my mother, that she
was not put out of conceit by the likelihood of my
close interpretation, and that upon the very instant
she apprehended what was to be seen by it, which I
myself verily had not perceived before she spake :
I was more moved, I say, at that, than with her
dream itself; by which the joy of that holy woman

I Si)

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIRER III
CAP. post futurum, ad consolationem tunc praesentis sol-
licitudinis tanto ante praedictum est. nam novem
ferme anni secuti sunt, quibus ego in illo limo pro-
fundi ac tenebris falsitatis, cum saepe surgere conarer
et gravius alliderer, volutatus sum ; cum tamen ilia
vidua casta, pia et sobria, qu;ivles amas, iam quidem
spe alacrior, sed fletu et gcmitu non segnior, non
desineret horis omnibus orationum suarum de me
plangere ad te, et intrabant in conspectum tuum
preces eius, et tamen dimittebas adhuc volvi et
involvi ilia caligine.

XII

GAT. Et dedisti alterum responsum interim, quod recolo.
XII , ,

nam et multa praetereo, propter quod propero ad ea

iiuae me magis urguent confiteri tibi, et multa non

memini. dedisti ergo alterum per sacerdotem tuum,

quendam episcopum nutritum in ecclesia et exerci-

tatum in libris tuis. quem cum ilia femina rogasset,

ut dignaretur mecum conloqui, et refellere errores

meos, et dedocere me mala ac docere bona — faciebat

enim hoc, quos forte idoneos invenisset — noluit ille,

prudenter sane, quantum sensi })ostea. respondit

1 10

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

to be fulfilled so long after, was, for the consolation chap
of her present anguish, so long before foresignified. ^^
For nine full years passed after that, in all which
I tumbled up and down in the mud of that deep pit, '^
and the darkness of that false belief, and when I
endeavoured to rise, the more violently was I flung
down again. All which time that chaste, godly, and
sober widow (such thou lovest) more cheered iij)
with hope, though no whit slackened in weeping
and mourning, failed not all hours of her set prayers
to bewail my case before thee. And her prayers
found entry then into thy sight, yet notwitb.standing
thou sufferedst me to be tumbled over and over in
that darkness.

Xil

The answer his Mother received from a Bishop,
coTicerning his Conversion

And thou gavest her another answer in the mean chap.
time, which I now remember: and yet I pass over ^'^'
many a one, for that I make haste to those things
which more press me to confess unto thee, and
many have I also forgotten. Thou affordedst her
another answer, therefore, by a certain priest of
thine, a Bishop brought up in the Church, and well
studied in thy Books. Whom when this woman had
entreated that he would vouchsafe to have some
conference with me, as well to unteach me what
was false, as to instruct me in what was sound : (for
this office he ever and anon did, as he found fit hearers) :
but he refused it, and in truth discreetly too,as I better
afterwards perceived. For his answer was, that I was

141

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER III
CAP. euim me adhuc esse indocilem, et quod inflatus
essem novitate haeresis illius, et nonnullisquaestiun-
culis iam multos inperitos exagitassem, sicut ilia
iiidicaverat ei. '^ sed " inquit '' sine ilium ibi. tantum
roga pro eo dominum : ipse legendo reperiet, quis
ille sit error et quanta inpietas."

Simul etiam narravit, se quoque parvulum a seducta
matre sua datum fuisse Manichaeis, et omnes paene
non legisse tantum verum etiam scriptitasse libros
eorum, sibique adparuisse nullo contra disputante et
convincente, quam esset ilia secta fugienda : itaque
fiigisse. quae cum ille dixisset, atque ilia nollet
adquiescere, sed instaret magis deprecando et
ubertira flendo, ut me videret et mecum dis-
sereret;, ille iam substomachans : "vade" in-
quit " a me ; ita vivas, fieri non potest, ut
filius istarum lacrimarum pereat."
quod ilia ita se accepisse inter
conloquia sua mecum satpe
recordabatur, ac si de
caelo sonuisset.

142

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK III

yet unripe for instruction, for that I was yet puffed up cHAP.
with the new taken-in heresy, and that I had already ^ir
troubled divers unskilful persons with spurring of
questions to them, as she had already told him : "but
let him alone a while," said he, " only pray to God for
him : he will of himself by reading find his own mis-
take, and how great his impiety is."

The Bishop then up and told her how himself
when he was a little one had been by his seduced
mother committed to the Manichees, and how he
had not only read over almost all, but also copied
out their books, and that it appeared to him, without
the help of any man to dispute against or to convince
it, how inuch that sect was to be avoided ; and how
of himself therefore he had forsaken it. Which
words when he had spoken, and she would not yet
be satisfied ; but pressed more upon him, what with
entreating, and what with weeping, that he would
be pleased to see me, and to discourse with me ; lie,
a little displeased at her tedious importunity, "Go thy
ways," saith he, "and God bless thee, for it is not
possible that the son of these tears should
be lost." Which answer she then
took (as she often remembered in
our ffmiiliar discourse after-
wards) as if an oracle
had resounded from
Heaven.

U.S

BOOK IV

LIBER QVARTVS

I

CAP. Per idem tempus annorum novem, ab undevicensitno
anno aetatis meae usque ad duodeti'icensimum,
seducebamur et seducebamus, falsi atque fallentes
in variis cupiditatibiis, et palam per doctrinas, quas
liberales vocant, occulte autem falso nomine re-
ligionis, hie superbi, ibi superstitiosi, ubique vani :
hac popularis gloriae sectantes inanitatem, usque ad
theatricosplausus, et contentiosa carmina, et agonem
eoronarum faenearum, et spectaculorum nugas, et in-
temperantiam libidinum ; iliac autem purgari nos ab
istis sordibus expetentes, cum eis, qui appellarentur
electi et sancti, afferremus escas, de quibus nobis in
officina aqualiculi sui fabricarent angelos et deos, per
quos liberaremur. et sectabar ista atque faciebam
cum amicis meis, per me ac mecum deceptis. inrideant
me arrogantes, et nondum salubriter prostrati et elis^
a te, deus meus^ et ego tamen confitear tibi dedecori
mea in laude tua. sine me, obsecro, et da mi
146

THE FOURTH BOOK
I

How long, and what ways he seduced others

For the space of nine years then (that is from the chap.

nineteenth year of mine age to the eight and i

twentieth) I was seduced myself, and others I

seduced ; deceived, and deceiving in divers lusts ;

and in public I did it by those arts which are called

liberal, but in private I still pretended the assumed

name of religion: here proud, there superstitious,

everywhere vain ; on the one hand hunting after the

empty noise of popular reputation, even affecting

those theatrical hummings and applause, and those

contentious strifes of wit, and to gain the grassy

garlands, and the vanity of the stage, and the in-

temperancy of ambition ; on the other hand much

lesiring to purge myself from these corruptions

by the help of those who were called elect and holy,

I carried them certain chosen meats, out of which

in the workhouse of their own paunches, they should g^e p. 137

forge certain angels and gods, by whom I was to be

leunsed. These things did I then follow, and did

hem with my friends, who were deceived by me and

vith me. Let such deride me now, who are arrogant,

.nd not yet savingly cast down nor broken in heart,

)y thee, O my God ; but I for all this do here confess

nine own shame to thee in thy praise. Suffer me,

; beseech thee, and give megrace to run over in

147

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER IV
CAT. circuire praesenti memoria praeteritos circuitus erroris
inei, et immolare tibi hostiam iubilationis. quid enim
sum ego mihi sine te nisi dux in praeceps? aut
quid sum, cum mihi bene est, nisi sugens lac tuum
aut fruens te, cibo qui non corrumpitur ? et quis
homo est quiHbet homo, cum sit homo ? sed inrideant
nos fortes et potentes, nos autem infirmi et inopes
confiteumur tibi.

II

CAP. DocEBAM in illis annis artem rhetoricam, et vic-
II

toriosam loquacitatem victus cupiditate vendebam.

malebam tamen, domine, tu scis, bonos habere disci-

pulos, sicut appellantur boni, et eos sine dolo docebam

dolos, non quibus conti'a caput innocentis agerent,

sed aliquando pro capite nocentis. et, deus, vidisti

de longinquo lapsantem in lubrico, et in multo fumo

scintillantem fidem meam, quam exhibebam in illo

magisterio dihgentibus vanitatem et quaerentibus

mendacium, socius eorum. in illis annis linam habe-

bam, non eo quod legitimum vocatur coniugio cogni-

tam, sed quam indagaverat vagus ardor inops pruj

dentiae, sed unam lumen, ei quoqiie servans toi

148

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

my present remembrance the errors of my forepast chap,

time, and to offer up unto thee the sacrifice of re- ^

joicing. For what am 1 without thee, but a guide p*^- xvi. i:

to mine own downfall ? Or what am I even at the

best, but an infant sucking thy milk, and feeding

upon thee, the Food incorruptible ? But what kind John vi. 27

of thing is any man, seeing that he is but a man r

Let now the strong and the mighty laugh at me,

but let us weak and needy souls ever confess unto \^

thee.

II

He teaches Rhetoric, and despiseih a Wizard who
promised him the Viclorij

I TAUGHT in those years the art of rhetoric, and chap.
myself being overcome with a desire of gain, made ^^
sale of a loquacity, to overcome others by. Yet I
desired rather (Lord, thou knowest) to have honest
scholars, as they are now-a-days accounted ; and those,
without all deceit, I taught how to deceive ; not
that they might plead against the life of any innocent
person, though sometimes to save the life of the
guilty. And thou O God, from afar perceivedst me
falling in that slippery course, and in much smoke
sparkling out some little faith, which I then made
show of in that schoolmastership of mine to those
that loved vanity and sought a lie, becoming their ps. iv. 2
companion. In those days I kept a mistress, not
joined to me in lawful marriage ; but one found out ^
by wandering lust, utterly void of understanding :
yet had I but that one, towards whom I truly kept
the promise of the bed ; in whom I might by mine

14.9

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER IV
CAP. fidem; in qua sane experirer exemplo meo, quid
distaret inter coniugalis placiti modum, quod foede-
ratum esset generandi gratia, et pactum libidinosi
amoris, ubi proles etiam contra votum nascitur,
quamvis iam nata cogat se diligi.

Recolo etiam, cum mihi theatrici carminis cer-
tamen inire placuisset, mandasse raihi nescio quern
haruspicem, quid ei dare vellem mercedis, ut vin-
cerem, me autem foeda ilia sacramenta detestatum et
abominatum respondisse, nee si corona ilia ita esset
inmortaliter aurea, muscam pro victoria mea necari
sinere. necaturus enim erat ille in sacrificiis suis ani-
niantia, et illis honoribus invitaturus mihi suffraga-
tura daemonia videbatur. sed hoc quoque malum
non ex tua castitate repudiavi, deus cordis mei. non
enim amare te noveram, qui nisi fulgores corporeos
cogitare non noverara. talibus enim figmentis sus-
pirans anima nonne fornicatur abs te, et fidit in falsis.
et pascit ventos ? sed videlicet sacrificari pro me
nollem daemonibus, quibus me ilia superstitione ipse
sacrificabam. quid est enim aHud ventos pascere
quam ipsos pascere^ hoc est errando eis esse voluptati
atque derisui ?

50

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

own example learn experience, what difference there chap.
would be betwixt the knot of the marriage covenant, ^^
mutually consented unto for the desire of children,
and the bargain of a lustful love, where though
children be against our wills begotten, yet being
born, they even compel us to love them.

I remember once, that when I had a mind to put
forth myself for the prize in a theatrical poem, I
was demanded by 1 know not what wizard, what
I would give him, to be assured to win the garland :
but I detesting and abhorring such filthy rites, re-
turned him answer ; that though the garland were
immortal and of gold, yet would I not suffer a fly
to lose its life to gain me the better of it. For he
WHS to kill certam living creatures in those his
sacrifices, and by those honours to invite the devils
to favour me. But this ill means also I refused not
out of any chaste reservation towards thee, O God of
my heart; for then I knew not how to love thee,
who knew not how to think on anything but certain
corporeal shinings. And does not the soul, panting
after such fond fictions, commit fornication against
thee, trust in false hopes, and feed the winds } But I Hos. xii. 7
would not, forsooth, that he should do sacrifice to
the devils for me, and yet did I offer myself unto
them, even by that my superstition. For, to feed
the winds, what is it else but to feed them ; that is, /

by our own errors to make ourselves the subjects of
their pleasure and derision ?

51

S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
HI

CAP. Itaque illos pianos, quos mathematicos vocant,
III

plane consulere non desistebam, quod quasi nullum

eis essetsacrificium,et nullae preces adaliquem spiri-
tum ob divinationem dirigerentur. quod tamen Chris-
tiana et vera pietas consequenter repellit et damnat.
bonum est enim confiteri tibi, domine, et dicere :
Miserere mei, cura animam meam, quoniam peccavi
tibi ; neque ad licentiam peccandi abuti indulgentia
tua, sed meminisse dominicae vocis : Ecce sanus
factus es ; iam noli peccare, ne quid tibi deterius
contingat. quam totam illi salubritatem interficere
conantur, cum dicunt : " de caelo tibi est inevitabiiis
causa peccandi" et "Venus hoc fecit aut Saturnus
aut Mars/' scilicet ut homo sine culpa sit, caro et
sanguis et superba putredo^ culpandus sit autem caeli
ac siderum creator et ordinator. et quis est hie nisi
deus noster, suavitas et origo iustitiae, qui reddes
unicuique secundum opera eius et cor contritum et
humiliatum non spernis ?

Erat eo tempore vir sagax, medicinae artis peri-
tissimus atque in ea nobilissimus, qui proconsul
manu sua coronam illam agonisticam inposuerat non
sano capiti meo, sed non ut medicus. nam illius
morbi tu sanator, qui resistis superbis, humilibus
autem das gratiani. numquid tanuii etiam per
ilium senem defuisti niihi, aut destitisti mederi
152

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

III

Giving himself to Astrology, he is reclaimed
hy an ancient Physician

Those impostors therefore, whom they style astro- chap.
logers, I verily did not forbear to consult with ; and ^^^
that because they used no sacrifice, nor directed
their prayers to any Spirit to speed their divina-
tions : and yet doth Christian and true piety con-
sistently refuse and condemn that art. For it is a
good thing to confess unto thee, and to say Have Ps. xli. 4
mercy upon me, heal my soul : for I have sinned
against thee : and not to abuse thy kindness for a
liberty of sinning, but to remember our Lord's warn-
ing Behold thou art made whole, sin no more, John v. 14
lest a worse thing come unto thee. All which
wholesome advice they endeavour to overthrow, that
say, The cause of thy sin is inevitably determined
in heaven ; and that man, flesh and blood and proud
corruption, be kept without sin, is of Venus' doing,
forsooth ; or Saturn or Mars procured it ; meanwhile _^
the Creator and Ruler of heaven and stars bears the
blame of it. And who is he but our God, the very
Sweetness and Well-spring of Righteousness, who
shall render to every man according to his works : and Ps. fi ?
a broken and contrite heart wilt thou not despise.

There was in those days a wise gentleman very
skilful in physic, and famous for his art, who being
at that time Proconsul, had with his own hand put
the garland of contest upon my distempered head,
but not as a physician : for this disease thou only
curest, who resistest the proud, and givest grace i Pet. v. 5
to the humble. But didst thou fail even by that

Id physician, or forbarest to heal my soul } For
153
i

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV

CAP. animae meae ? quia enim factus ei eram familiarior,
III

et eius sermonibus — erant enim sine verborum cultu

vivacitate sententiarum iuciindi et graves — adsiduus
et fixus inbaerebam : ubi cognovit et ex conloquio
meo libris genethliacorum esse me deditum, benigne
ac paterne monuitj ut eos abicerem, neque curam et
operam rebus utilibus necessariam illi vanitati
frustra inpenderem ; dicens ita se ilia didicisse, ut
earn profession em primis annis aetatis suae deferre
voluisset, qua vitam degeret, et si Hippocraten
intellexissetj et illas utique litteras potursse in-
tellegere : et tamen non ob aliam causam se postea
illis relictis medicinam adsecutum, nisi eas falsissimas
conperisset, et noUet vir gravis decipiendis hominibus
victum quaerere. " at tu " inquit " quo te in homini-
bus sustentaSj rhetoricam tenes, banc autem fallaciam
libero studio^ non necessitate rei familiaris sectaris.
quo magis mihi te oportet de ilia credere, qui earn
tarn perfecte discere elaboravi, quam ex ea sola
vivere volui." a quo ego cum quaesissem, quae
causa ergo facerefc, ut multa inde vera pronuntiaren-
tur, respondit ille, ut potuit, vim sortis hoc facere,
in rerum natura usquequaque difFusam. si enim de
paginis poetae cuiuspiam, longe aliiid canentis atque
intendentis, cum forte quis consulit, mirabiliter con-
sonus negotio saepe versus exiret, et mirandum non
esse dicebat, si ex aninia hmnana, superiore aliquo
154

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

I grew more acquainted with him, and I diligently chap
and firmly depended upon his words : by the liveli- ^^^
ness of the thoughts, his talk was both pleasant and
grave,, although without study of elegance. Who
when he had gathered by my discourse, that I was
given to study the books of the Nativity-casters, he
courteously and fatherly advised me to cast them all
away, and that I should not hereafter in vain bestow
my care or diligence (which was necessary for useful
things) upon that vain study : affirming withal, that
himself had in his younger years studied that art
with a purpose to get his living by it ; hoping, if
he had understood Hippocrates, he might well attain
to understand that kind of learning also : yet that
he had given it over, and wholly betaken himself to
physic, for no other reason, but that he found it most
deceitful ; and he being a grave man, would not get ^
his living by cheating of people. " But thou," saith
he, " hast the profession of Rhetoric to maintain thy-
self by, whereas thou followest this delusion volun-
tarily, not driven to it by necessity: so much the
more then oughtest thou to give me credit in this
point, who laboured to attain to perfection in it,
out of a purpose to get my living by it alone." Of
whom when I had demanded, what the reason was
then, why so many true things should be foretold •:
by it } he answered me (as well as he could) that
the force of chance diffused round about in the
nature of things brought this about. For if when a
man had by hap-hazard consulted the books of some
poet, who sang of and intended clean another matter,
the verses did oftentimes fall out wondrously agree-
able to the present business : it were not then to be
wondered at, saith he, if out of the soul of man, by
some higher instinct, knowing nothing what is done

155

S AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAW instinctu, nesciente quid in se fieret^ non arte sed
sorte sonaret aliquid, quod interrogantis rebus
faetisque concineret.

Et hoc quidem ab illo vel per ilium procurasti
mihi, et quid ipse postea per me ipsum quaererem,
in memoria mea deliniasti. tunc autem nee ipse
nee carissimus Nebridius^ adulescens valde bonus et
valde castus, inridens totum illud divinationis genus,
persuadere mihi potuerunt, ut haec abicerem,
quoniam me amplius ipsorum auctorum movebat
auctoritas, et nullum certum quale quaerebam docu-
meutum adhuc inveneram, quo mihi sine ambigui-
tate appareret, quae ab eis consultis vera dicerentur,
forte vel sorte, non arte inspectorum siderum dici.

IV

CAP. In illis annis, quo primum tempore in municipio,
quo natus sum, docere coeperam, conparaveram
amicum societate studiorum nimis carum, coaevum
mihi et conflorentem flore adulescentiae. mecum
puer creverat et pariter in scholam ieramus pariterque
hiseramus. sed nondum erat sic amicus, quamquani
ne turn quidem sic, uti est vera amicitia, quia non est
156

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

within itself, some answer should be given, which chap.
more by hap than any good cunning, should have ^^^
acjreement to the business and actions of the
demander.

And thus much truly, either from or by him, thou
then wro ugh test for me, and then didst sketch in my
memory, what of myself I should seek out afterwards.
But yet at that time neither he, nor my most dear
Nebridius, (a very good dispositioned young man, and
a very chaste, who utterly derided that whole manner
of divination) could persuade me to cast away those
studies, even because the authority of the very authors
overswayed more with me, and that I had not yet lit
upon any demonstrative argument, such as I sought
for, whereby it might clearly and without all doubt-
fulness appear, that what had been truly foretold by
those masters of the science, were spoken by fortune
or by chance, and not out of the sure art of the Star-
gazers.

|„„.„..-„,„

H| whom himself had affected with Heresy :

^^ he grievously laments his Death

In those years when I first of all began to teach chap,
rhetoric in the town where I was born, I had gained a
very dear friend, upon the occasion of the nearness of
our studies ; one he was about mine own age, now
springing up with me in the flower of youth. He
had grown up of a child with me, and both school-
fellows and play-fellows we had been. But yet was
he not so truly my friend, no not at that later time
tven, as true friendship should be indeed : for true it

J67

IV

IV

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. vera, nisi cum earn tu agglutinas inter haerentes sibi

IV

caritate cliflTusa in cordibus nostris per spiritum
sanctum, qui datus est nobis, sed tamen dulcis erat
nobis, cocta fervore parilium studiorum. nam et
a fide vera, quam non germanitus et penitus adules-
cens tenebat, deflexeram eum in superstitiosas
fabellas et perniciosas, propter quas me plangebat
mater, mecum iam errabat in animo ille homo, et
non poterat anima mea sine illo. et ecce tu inminens
dorso fugitivorum tuorum, deus ultionum et fons
misericordiarum simul, qui eonvertis nos ad te miris
modis, ecce abstulisti hominem de hac vita, cum vix
explevisset annum in amicitia mea, suavi mihi super
omnes suavitates illius vitae meae.

Quis laudes tuas enumerat unus in se uno, quas
expertus est ? quid tunc fecisti, deus meus, et quam
investigabilis abyssus iudiciorum tuorum ? cum enim
laboraret ille febribus, iacuit diu sine sensu in sudore
laetali, et cum desperaretur, baptizatus est nesciens,
me non curante, et praesumente id retinere potius
animam eius quod a me acceperat, non quod in ne-
scientis corpore fiebat. longe autem alitererat. nam
recreatus est et salvus factus, statimque, ut primo
cum eo loqui potui — potui autem mox, ut ille potuit,
quando non discedebam et nimis pendebamus ex in-
vicem — temptavi apud ilium inridere, tamquam et illo
inrisuro mecum baptismum, queui acceperat mente
158

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

cannot be, unless thou solderest it betwixt such chap.
parties as cleave together, by that love which is shed *^
abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost, which is
given unto us. But yet a very sweet friendship it
was, being ripened by the heat of like studies. For,
from the true faith, (which he being a youth was not
soundly and thoroughly grounded in) I had rapt him,
even towards those selfsame superstitious and per-
nicious fables, for which my mother bewailed my
condition. With me now that man was wandering
in error, nor could my soul be without him. But
behold thou, ever at the back of thy runaways, the
God of revenge, and fountain of mercies, both at the Pe xcir. i
same time, who turnest us to thyself by most wonder-
ful means, tookest that man out of this life, when he
had scarce continued one whole year in my friend-
ship, sweet to me above all sweetness of this life.

What one man is able to recount all thy praises Ps. cvi. '2 '
which he hath felt in himself alone ? What was it
thou then didst, my God, and how unsearchable is Ps.xxxvi.c
the bottomless depth of thy judgments ? For whenas
one day, sore sick of his fever, he lay senseless in a
deadly sweat, and all despairing of his recovery, he
was baptized, unwitting to himself; myself mean-
while little regarding, and presuming that his soul
would have retained rather what it had learnt of
me, and not what was now wrought in the body
of him that knew nothing of it. But it fell out far
otherwise ; for he became refreshed, and recovered
his health upon it. And as soon as ever I could
come to speak with him (and I could, so soon as he
could : for I had never yet gone from him, and we
very nearly depended one upon another), I offered
to scoff, as if he also would have scoffed with me for

impany, at that Baptism, which he, being most
159
I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV

CAR atque sensu absentissimus. sed tamen iam se acce-
IV .

pisse didicerat. at ille itame exhorruit utinimicum,

admonuitque mirahili et repentina libertate, ut, si
amicus esse vellem, talia sibi dicere desinerem. ego
autem stupefactus atque turbatus, distuli omnes motus
meos, ut convalesceret prius, essetque idoiieus viribus
valetudinis, cum quo agere possem quod vellem. sed
ille abreplus dementiae meae^, ut apud te servaretur
coiisolationi meae, post paucos dies me absente
repetitur febribus et defungitur.

Quo dolore contenebratum est cor meum, et quid-
quid aspiciebam mors erat. et erat mihi patria sup-
plicium, et paterna domus mira infelicitas, et quidquid
cum illo conmunicaveram, sine illo in cruciatum in-
manem verterat. expetebant eum undique oculi mei,
et non dabatur : et oderam omnia, quod non haberent
eum, nee mihi iam dicere poterant: "ecce venit/'
sicut cum viveret/ quando absens erat. factus eram
ipse mihi magna quaestio, et interrogabam animam
meam, quare tristis esset et quare conturbaret me
valde,et nihil noverat respondere mihi. et si dicebam :
"speraindeum," iuste non obtemperabat, quia verior
erat et melior homo, quem carissimum amiserat,
quam phantasma, in quod sperare iubebatur. solus
fletus erat dulcis mihi et successerat amico meo in
deliciis animi mei.

1 So MSS.; veniret, Knoll.
IGO

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

absent both in understanding and feeling, had lately chap.
received, and had now understood that he had ^^
received it. But he looked with a great indignation
upon me, as I had been his mortal enemy ; and with
an admirable and sudden freedom of language, ad-
vised me, that if I purposed to continue his friend,
I should forbear such talk to him. But I all astonislied
and amazed, put off the disclosing of my private com-
motions, till he should grow well again, and had re-
covered so much strength of health, that he were fit
for me to deal with as I would. But he was taken
away from my frenzy, that with thee he migiit be
preserved for my future comfort ; falling in my absence
a few days after into a relapse of his fever, he died.

At the grief of this, my heart was utterly over
clouded; and whatsoever I cast mine eyes upon, looked
like death unto me. Mine own country was a very
prison to me, and my father's house a wonderful un-
happiness ; and whatsoever I had communicated in
with him, wanting him turned to my most cruel
torture. Mine eyes roved about everywhere for him,
but they met not with him ; and 1 hated all places
for that they had not him ; nor could they now tell
me. Behold, he will come shortly, as when he was
alive they did whenever he was absent. 1 became
a great riddle to myself, and I often asked over my ^^ ^
soul, why she was so sad, and why she afflicted me so I S^;^*^
sorely: but she knev/ not what to answer me. And if U \^
I said, *' Put thy trust in God," very justly she did
not obey me ; because that most dear man whom
she had lost, was both truer and better than that
fantastical god she was bid to trust in. Only tears
were sweet to me, for they had now succeeded in "^
my friend's place, in the dearest of my affections.

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV

CAP. Et nunCj domine, iam ilia traiisierunt, et tempore

y

lenitum est vulnus raeum. possumue audire abs te..
qui Veritas es, et admovere aurem cordis mei ori tuo.
ut dicas mihi, cur fletus dulcis sit miseris ? an tu
quamvis ubique adsis, longe abiecisti a te miserian:
nostram? et tu in te manes, nos autem in experimenti?
volvimur: et tamen nisi ad aures tuas ploraremus
nihil residui de spe nostra fieret. unde igitur suavis
fructus de amantadine vitae carpitur gemere el
riere et suspirare et conqueri ? an hoc ibi dulce est
quod speramus exaudire te ? recte istud in pre
cibus, quia desiderium perveniendi habent. nun
in dolore amissae rei et luctu, quo tunc operiebari
neque enim sperabam revivescere ilium aut hot
petebam lacrimis, sed tantum dolebam et flebam
miser enim eram et amiseram gaudium meum. ar
et fletus res amara est, et prae fastidio rerum, quibu;
prius fruebamur, et tunc, dum ab eis abhorremus
delectat ?

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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

0^' Tears in uiir Prayers for, and Bewailing of,
the Tiling Beloved

And now Lord, are these things well passed over, chap.
and time hath assuaged the anguish of my wound. ^
May I learn this from thee who art Truth, and may I
apply the ear of my heart unto thy mouth, that thou
mayest tell me the reason, why weeping should be so --
sweet to people in misery ? Hast thou (notwith-
standing thou art present everywhere) cast away our
misery far from thee } And thou remainest constant
in thyself, but we are tumbled up and down in divers
trials : and yet unless we should bewail ourselves in
thine ears, there should no hope remain for us. How
comes it then to pass, that such sweet fruit is
gathered from the bitterness of life, namely to mourn, -
and weep, and sigh, and complain .^ Is it this that
sweetens it, that we are in hope thou hearest us ?
This may rightly be thought of our prayers, because
they have a desire to approach unto thee. But may
it be so said too concerning that grief and mourn-
ing for the thing lost, with which I was then wholly
overwhelmed.'* For I did not hope he should now
revive again, nor did 1 pray for this with all my
tears; but bemoan him only I did, and weep for him :
seeing a wretch I was, and had utterly lost all my
joy. Or is weeping a bitter thing, and yet out of a
full-gorgedness of what we before enjoyed, and only
while we are a loathing of them, can it be pleasing
to us .''

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S. AVGVSTINt COXFESSIONVM LIBER TV

VI

CAP. Quid autem ista loquor ? noii enim tempus quae-
rendi nunc est, sed confitendi tibi. miser eram, et
miser est omnis animus vinctus amicitia rerum
mortalium, et dilaniatur, cum eas amittit, et tunc
sentit miseriam, qua miser est et antequam amittat
eas. sic ego eram illo tempore, et fiebam amarissime
et requiescebam in amaritudine. ita miser eram, et
rhabebam cariorem illo amico meo vitam ipsam mise-
ram. nam quamvis cam mutare vellem, nollem tamen
amittere magis quam ilium ; et nescio an vellem vel
pro illo, sicut de Oreste et Pylade traditur, si non
fingitur, qui vellent pro invicem simul mori,quia morte
peius eis erat non simul vivere. sed in me nescio
quis afFectus niniis huic contrarius ortus erat, et tae-
dium Vivendi erat in me gravissimum et moriendi
metus. credo, quo magis ilium amabam, hoc magis
mortem, quae mihi eum abstulerat, tamquam atro-
cissimam inimicam oderam et timebam ; et earn
repente coiisumpturam omnes homines putabam,
quia ilium potuit. sic eram omnino, memini. ecce coi
meum, deus mens, ecce intus ; vide, quia memini, spes
inea, qui me mundas a talium afl'ectionum inmunditia,
164

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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

VI
He tells with what great Affection he loved his Friend
But why speak I of these things ? For 'tis no time Ckap,
to ask questions, but to confess unto thee. Wretched ^ ^
I was ; and wretched is every soul that is bound fast
in the friendship of mortal things; who becomes all
to pieces when he forgoes them, and then first he ^
becomes sensible of his misery, by which he is
already miserable even before he forgoes them. This
was my case at that time, I wept full bitterly, and
yet was best at quiet in that bitterness. Thus was
I wretched enough, and that wretched life I accounted
more dear than my friend himself. For though I
would gladly have changed it, yet more unwilling I
was to lose that, than I had been to lose him ; yea
I know not whether I would have forgone that, even
to have enjoyed him. Like as the tradition (if it be
not a fiction) goes of Pylades and Orestes, who would
gladly have died one for another, both together,
it being to them worse than death not to live
together. But a strange kind of affection prevailed
with me which was clean contrary to theirs, for
both grievously tedious to me it was to live, and
yet fearful was I to die. I suppose that how much
the more affectionately I loved him, so much the
more did I both hate and fear (as my cruellest
enemy) death, which had bereaved me of him : and
I imagined it would speedily make an end of all
other men, because it had the power to do of him.
Even thus I remember, stood I then affected.
Behold my heart, O my God, yea, search it
throughly ; search it because I remember it well, O
my Hope, who cleanest me from the impurity of such

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. dirigens oculos meos ad te, et evellens de laqueo
pedes meos. mirabar enim ceteros mortales vivere,
quia illCj quern quasi non moriturum dilexeram^ mor
tuus erat ; et me magis^ quia ille alter eram, vivere
illo mortuo mirabar. bene quidam dixit de amico
suo : dimidium animae suae, nam ego sensianimam
meam et animam illius unam fuisse animam in duo-
bus corporibus, et ideo mihi horrori erat vita, quia
nolebam dimidius vivere ; et ideo forte mori metue-
bam^ ne totus ille moreretur, quern multum ama-
veram.

VII

CAP. O DEMENTiAM ncsclentem diligere homines humani
ter ! o stultum hominem inmoderate humana
patientem ! quod ego tunc eram. itaque aestuabani,
suspirabam, flebam, turbabar, iiec requies erat noc
consilium, portabam enim concisam et cruentaui
animam meam, inpatientem portari a me ; et ubi earn
ponerem non inveniebam. non in amoenis nemor-
ibus, non in ludis atque cantibus, nee in suave
olentibus locis, nee in conviviis apparatis, nee in
voluptate cubilis et lecti, non denique in libris atque
carminibus adquiescebat. horrebant omnia et ipsa
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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

affections, directing mine eyes towards thee, and CHAP.

plucking my feet out of the snare. For I much ^^

adniired that other mortals did live, since he whom

I so loved, as if he never should have died, was now

dead : yea, I more admired that myself who was to

him a second self, should be able to live after him.

Well said one of his friend, Thou half of my soul : for Hor. Odcs,

I still thought my soul and his soul to have been but ^' ^' ^

one soul in two bodies : and therefore was my life a

very horror to me, because I would not live by halves.

And even therefore perchance was I afraid to die,

lest he should wholly die, whom so passionately I had

loved.

VII

77/f impalientness oj grief constrains us to shift
our dfve Kings

O Madness, which knowest not how to love men, as chap.
men should be loved ! () foolish man, which so ^
impatiently endurest the chances Mortality is subject
unto ! Thus mad and foolish was I at that time.
Therefore I stormed, and puffed, and cried, and
tumbled, being capable neither of rest nor counsel.
For I was fain to carry my shattered and blood-
blubbered soul, which yet had not patience enough
to be carried by me ; yet a place where to dispose
of it, I could not light upon. Not in the delightful
groves, not where mirth and music was, nor in the
odoriferous gardens, nor in curious banquetings, nor
in the pleasures of the bed and chambering ; nor,
finally, in reading over either verse or prose, took it
any contentment. Everything was offensive, yea,

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONViM LIBER IV
CAP. lux, et quidquid non erat quod ille erat, inprobum
et taediosum erat, praeter gemitum et lacrimas :
nam in eis solis aliquantula requies. ubi autem inde
auferebatur aniraa mea, onerabat me grandis sarcina
miseriae, ad te, domine, levaiida erat et curanda,
sciebam, sed nee volebam nee valebam, eo magis,
quod mihi non eras aliquid solidum et firmum^ cum
de te cogitabam. non enini tu eras, sed vanum
pbantasiTia et error meus erat deus meus. si conabar
eam ibi ponere, ut requiesceret, per inane labebatur
et iterum ruebat super me ; et ego mihi remanseram
infelix locus, ubi nee esse possem nee inde recedere.
quo enim cor meum fugeret a corde mco ? quo a
me ipso fugerem r quo non me sequerer i et tamen
fugi de patria. minus enim eum quaerebant oculi
mei, ubi videre non solebant : atque a Thagastensi
oppido veni Carthaginem.

VIII

CAP. Non vacant tempora, nee otiose volvuntur per sensus
VIII ^ . . , . .

nostros : laciunt in ammo mn'a opera, ecce venie-

bant et praeteribant de die in diem ; et veniendo et

praetereundo, inserebant mihi spes alias et alias

memorias, et paulatim resarciebant me pristinis

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ST. AUGUST,! NE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

the very light itself; and whatsoever were not he. cHAP.
was alike painful and hateful to me^ except groaning ^^^
and weeping. For only in those found 1 a little
refreshment. But so soon as I had retired my soul "^^^ ^'^^'
from these, a huge misery overloaded me, which thou
only couldst ease and lighten, O Lord. I knew thus
much, and yet indeed I would not, nor was I able ; the
more so, for that thou wert not any solid or substantial
thing unto me, when in those days I thought upon
thee. For not thou thyself, but mine own idle fantasy
and error were then my God. If I offered to dis-
charge my burden upon that, to give it some ease-
ment, it fell as it were through the empty air, and
came tumbling again upon me : whereupon I remained
so unfortunate a place to myself, as there I could
neither stay, nor get away from it. For whither
should my heart fly from my heart? Whither was it
possible to fly from mine own self.'' Whither should
I not have followed myself.'' And yet after all this,
out of my country I fled : for so should mine eyes less
look for him there, where they were not went to see
him. And thus I left the town of Thagaste, and
came to Carthage.

tVIII
7\7}ie cures Sorroiv

Times lose no time : nor do they idly go and return CHAP,
about these senses of ours ; but they cause strange ^^^^
operations in our minds. Behold, they went and came
day by day, and by going and coming to and again,
they brought into my mind other notions, and other
remembrances, and by little and little pieced me up

169

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. eeneribus delectationum, quibus cedebat dolor mens

VIII

ille ; sed succedebant non quidem dolores alii, causae
tamen aliorum dolorum. nam unde me facillime et
in intima dolor ille penetraverat, nisi quia fuderam
in harenam animam meam, diligendo moriturum ae si
non moriturum? maxime quippe me reparabant at-
que recreabant aliorum amicorum solacia, cum quibus
amabam quod postea amabam ; et hoc erat ingens
fabula et longum mendacium^ cuius adulterina con-
fricatione corrumpebatur mens nostra, pruriens in
auribus.

Sed ilia mihi fabula non moriebatur, si quis
amicorum meorum moreretur. alia erant, quae
in eis amplius capiebant animum, conloqui et con-
ridere, et vicissim benivole obsequi ; simul legere
libros dulciloquos, simul nugari et simul honestari ;
dissentire interdum sine odio, tamquam ipse homo
secum, atque ipsa rarissima dissensione condire con-
sensiones plurimas ; docere aliquid invicem aut dis-
cere ab invicem, desiderare absentes cum molestia,
suscipere venientes cum laetitia : his atque huius
modi signis, a corde amantium et redamantium pro-
cedentibus, per os, per linguam, per oculos, et mille
motus gratissimos, quasi fomitibus flagrare animos et
ex pluribus unum (acere.

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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

again with my old kind of delights, unto which my chap
present sorrow gave some way. And to that again ^^^^
there succeeded, though not other griefs, yet the
causes of other griefs. For how came that former
grief so easily and so deeply to make impression in
me, but even from hence, that I had spilt my soul
upon the sand, in loving a man that must die, as if he
never had been to die ? For the comfortings of other
friends did mostly repair and refresh me, with whom
I did love, what afterwards I did love : and this was
a great fable, and a long lie ; by the impure tickling
whereof, my soul, which lay itching in my ears, was
wholly corrupted.

But that fable would not yet die with me, so oft as
any of my friends died. They were other things
which in their company did more fully take my
mind ; namely, to discourse, and to laugh with them,
and to do obsequious offices of courtesy one to another ;
to read pretty books together ; sometimes to be in jest,
and other whiles seriously earnest to one another;
sometimes so to dissent without discontent, as a man ^
would do with his own self, and even with the seldom-
ness of those dissentings, season our more frequent
consentings ; sometimes would we teach, and some-
times learn one of another ; wish for the company of
the absent with impatience, and welcome home the
newcomers with joyfulness. With these and the like
expressions, proceeding out of the hearts of those that
loved and repaired one another's affections, by the
countenance, by the tongue, by the eyes, and by a
thousand other most pleasing motions, did we set our
souls ablaze, and make but one out of many.

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVxM LIBER IV

IX

CAP. Hoc est, quod diligitur in amicis ; et sic diligitur, iit
rea sibi sit humana conscientia, si non amaverit re-
damantem aut si amantem non redamaverit, nihil
quaerens ex eiiis corpora praeter indicia benivolen-
tiae. hinc ille luctiis, si quis moriatur, et tenebrae
dolorum, et versa dulcedine in amaritudinem cor
raadiduni, et ex amissa vita raorientium mors viven-
tium. beatiis qui amat te, et amicum in te, et inimi-
cum propter te. solus enim nullum carum amittit,
cui omnes in illo cari, qui non amittitur. et quis est
iste nisi deus noster, deus, qui fecit caelum et terram
et inplet ea, quia inplendo ea fecit ea? te nemo
amittit, nisi qui dimittit, et quia dimittit, quo it aut
quo fugit nisi a te placido ad te iratum ? nam ub
non invenit legem tuam in poena sua ? et lex tu;i
Veritas et Veritas tu.

X

CAT*. Deus virtutum, converte nos et oslende faciem tuam,

X

et salvi erimus. nam quoquoversum se verterit anima

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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

IX

The comparhig of Human Friendship with Divine

This it is now which a man loves in his friends ; and chap.
so loves it, that he must in conscience confess himself ^^
guilty if he should not love him that loves him again,
or not love that man again that loves him first, ex-
pecting no other thing from him besides the pure
demonstration of his love. Hence is that mourning
whenever a friend dies, yea, those overcastings of
sorrows, that steeping of the heart in tears, all sweet-
ness utterly turned into bitterness : hence too upon
the loss of the life of the dying, comes the death of
the living. But blessed is the man that loves thee,
and his friend in thee, and his enemy for thee. For
he alone loses none that is dear unto him, to whom all
are dear, in him that can never be lost. And who is
this but our God, the God that made heaven and
earth, and who filleth them, because in filling them
he created them } Thee, no man loses, but he that *^
lets thee go. And he that lets thee go, whither goes
Ire, or whither runs he, but from thee well pleased,
back to thee offended } Yoy where shall not such a
ime find thy Law fulfilled in his own punishment ? *^
And thy Law is truth, and Truth is thyself. Juhu xiv. 6

X

All Beauty is from God, who is to he prayed for all

CuRN us, O God of Hosts, sliow us the light of thy cuAi*.
;ountenance and we shall be whole. For which way ^
soever the soul of man turns itself, unless towards ^'^- i^xix. 4

173

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. hominis, ad dolores figitur alibi praeterquani in te^
tametsi figitur in pulchris extra te et extra se. quae
tamen nulla essent, nisi essent abs te. quae oriun-
tur et occidunt, et oriendo quasi esse incipiunt, et
crescunt, ut perficiantur, et perfecta senescunt et in-
tereunt : et non omnia senescunt et omnia intereunt.
\ ergo cum oriuntur et tendunt esse, quo magis cele-
riter crescunt, ut sint, eo magis festinant, ut non
sint. sic est modus eorum. tantum dedisti eis, quia
partes sunt rerum, quae non sunt omnes simul, sed
decedendo ac succedendo agunt omnes universum,
cuius partes sunt, ecce sic peragitur et sermo noster
per signa sonantia. non enim erit totus sermo, si
unum verbum non decedat, cum sonuerit partes
suas, ut succedat aliud. laudet te ex illis anima
mea', deus, creator omnium, sed non eis infigatur
glutine amore per sensus corporis, eunt enim quo
ibant, ut non sint, et conscindunt earn desideriis pes-
tilentiosis, quoniam ipsa esse vult et requiescere
amat in eis, quae amat. in illis autem non est ubi,
quia non stant : fugiunt, et quis ea sequitur sensu
carnis ? aut quis ea conprehendit, vel cum praesto
sunt?

Tardus est enim sensus carnis, quoniam sensus
carnis est : ipse est modus eius. sufticit ad aliudj
174

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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

thee, it is even rivetted into dolours : yea, though it CHAP,
settles itself upon beautiful objects without thee, and ^
without itself: which beauties were no beauties at all,
unless they were from thee. They rise, and set ; and
by rising, they begin to have being : they grow Up,
that they may attain perfection; which having
attained, they wax old and wither : though all grow
not old, yet all must wither. Therefore when they
spring up and tend towards a being, look how much
more haste they make to be, so much the more they
make not to be. Tiiis is the law of them. Thus much
hast thou given to them, because they are parcels
of things which are not extant all at one time, but
which by going and coming do altogether make up
the whole universe, whereof they are the parcels.
Lo, even thus is our speech delivered by sounds
significant : for it will never be a perfect sentence,
unless one word gives way when it hath sounded
his part, that another may succeed it. And by
them let my soul praise thee, O God, Creator of
all things ; but yet let not my soul be fastened unto
these things with the glue of love through the
senses of my body. For these things go whither
they were to go, that they might no longer be;
and they cleave the soul in sunder with most pesti-
lent desires : even because the soul earnestly desires
to be one with them, and loves finally to rest in
these things which she loves. But in those things
she finds not settlement, which are still fleeing,
because they stand not : they flee away ; and who
is he that can follow them with the senses of his
flesh ; yea, who is able to overtake them, when they
are hard by him ?

For the sense of our flesh is slow, even because it
is the sense of our flesh : and itself is its own measure.

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFKSSIONVxM LIBER IV
CAP. ad quod factus est; ad illud autem non sufficit, ut
teneat transcurrentia ab initio debito usque ad linem
debitum. in verbo enim tuo, per quod creantur, ibi
audiunt : " hinc et hue usque."

XI

Noli esse vana, anima meaj et obsurdescere in aure
cordis tumultu vanitatis tuae. audi et tu : verbum
ipsum clamatj ut redeas^ et ibi est locus quietis in-
perturbabilis, ubi non deseritur amor, si ipse non
deserat. ecce ilia discedunt, ut alia succedant, et
omnibus suis partibus constet infima universitas.
"numquid ego aliquo discedo ? " ait verbum dei. ibi
fige mansionem tuam, ibi commenda quidquid inde
habes, anima mea, saltern fatigata fallaciis. veritati
ommenda quidquid tibi est a veritate, et non perdes
aliquid ; et reflorescent putria tua, et sanabuntur
omnes languores tui, et fluxa tua reformabuntur et
renovabuntur et constringentur ad te ; et non te
deponent, quo descendunt, sed stabunt tecum et
permanebunt ad semper stantem ac permanentem
deum.

Vt quid perversa sequeris carnem tuam ? ipsa te
se(juatiir conversam. (juid(]uid per illam sentis, in
176

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

Sufficient enough it is for the end it is made for ; but chaf.
it is not sufficient for this, namely, to hold at a stay -^
things running of course from their appointed start-
ing place to their appointed end. For in thy Word
by which they are created, they hear this signal :
" Hence, and thus far."

XI

All things are created mutable in themselves, and
immidahle in God

Be not foolish, O my Soul, and make not the ear of chap.
thine heart deaf, with the tumult of thy folly. But ^^
hearken now : the Word itself calls thee to return :
and there is the place of quiet not to be disturbed,
where thy love can never be forsaken, if itself for-
'^ake not. Behold, these things give way that other
things may come in their places, that so this lowest
liole may have all his parts. "But do I ever
part } " saith the Word of God. There set up thy
welling, trust there whatsoever thou hast thence,
) my Soul, at length tired out with these uncertain-
ties. Recommend over unto truth, whatsoever thou
hast left of truth ; and thou shalt lose nothing by
; the bargain ; yea, thy decays shall reflourish again,
and all thy languishments shall be recovered ; thy
fadings shall be refreshed, shall be renewed, and shall
be made to continue with thee : nor shall they put
thee down to the place whither themselves descend ;
but they shall stay with thee and stand fast for ever
before that God, who himself stays and stands fast for
ever.

Why now, my perverse soul, wilt thou be still follow-
ing thine own flesh .'' Let that rather follow thee now

1 M 177

I

1

It, ef

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER
CAP. parte est et ignoras totum, cuius hae partes sunt
delectant te tamen. sed si ad totum conprehendeii-
dum esset idoneus sensus carnis tuae, ac non et ipse
in parte universi accepisset pro tua poena iustum
modum, velles, ut transiret quidquid existit in
praesentia, ut magis tibi omnia placerent. nam et
quod loquimur, per eundem sensum carnis audis, et
non vis utique stare sy 11 abas, sed trans volare, ut aliae
veniant et totum audias. ita semper omnia, quibus
unum aliquid constat, et non sunt omnia simul ea,
quibus constat : plus delectant omnia quam singula,
si possint sentiri omnia, sed longe his melior qui fecit
omnia, et ipse est deus noster, et non discedit, qui
nee succeditur ei.

XII

CAP. Si placent corpora, deum ex illis lauda, et in arti-j
ficem eorum retorque amorem, ne in his, quae til^l
placent, tu displiceas. si placent animae, in dec
amentur, quia et ipsae mutabiles sunt et illo fixae
stabiliuntur : alioquin irent et perirent. in illo ergo
amentur, et rape ad eum tecum quas potes, et die
178

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

I thou hast turned. Whatever by her thou hast sense chap.

'of, is but in pavt : and the whole whereof these are ^^
parts, thou knowest not ; and yet this little contents
thee. But had the sense of thy flesh been capable of
comprehending the whole, and not for thy punishment
been stinted to a part of the whole ; thou wouldst
have then desired that whatsoever hath existence at
this present should pass away, that so the whole might
better have pleased thee altogether. For what we
speak, by the same sense of the flesh thou hearest,
and yet wouldst not thou have the same syllables
sound ever, but fly away, that others may come on,
and thou mayest hear the whole sentence. Thus
are all these things ever in being, which have still any
one part of theirs in being, and yet all those parts
which go to the making up of that whole being, are
never all together in present being. All together
surely must needs delight more fully, than parts
single, if the pleasure of all could be felt all at once.

! But far better than these all, is he that made all ;

\ and he is our God : nor does he depart away, for that
he hath no successor.

-k XII

Love of the Creatures is not forbidden, provided that
in those which please us, God be loved

If bodies then please thee, praise God for them, and chap.
turn thy love upon him that made them ; lest other- ^^^
wise in those things which please thee, thou dis-
please him. If souls please, let them be loved in
God : for they are mutable, but in him are they
firmly established, or else would they pass and perish.
Il^ him therefore let them be beloved ; and draw

■ 179

L

s. AVGvsTiNi c()^^^:ssION^M liber iv

CAP, eis : "hunc amemus : ipe fecit haec et non est
Jonge." non enim fecit atque abiit^ sed ex illo in illo
sunt, ecce ubi est, ubi sapit Veritas : intimus cordi
est/ sed cor erravit ab eo. redite, praevaricatores, ad
cor, et inhaerete ilb', qui fecit vos. state cum eo et
stabitis, requiescite in eo et quieti eritis. quo itis in
aspera ? quo itis ? bonuni, quod amatis, ab illo est :
sed quantum est ad ilium, bonum est et suave ; sed
amarum erit iuste, quia iniuste amatur deserto illo
quidquid ab illo est. quo vobis adliuc et adhuc am-
bulare vias difficiles et laboriosas ? non est requies,
ubi quaerilis earn, quaerite quod quaeritis, sed ibi
non est, ubi quaeritis. beataui vitam quaeritis in
regione mortis : non est illic. quomodo enim beata
vita, ubi nee vita ?

Et descendit hue ipsa vita nostra et tulit mortem nos-
tram, et occidit eam deabundantiavitae suae,et tonuit
damans, ut redeamus hinc ad eum in illud secretum,
unde processit ad nos in ipsum primum virginalem
uterum, ubi ei nupsit liumana creatura, caro mortalis,
ne semper mortalis ; et inde velut sponsus procedens
de thalamo suo exultavit ut gigans ad currendam
viani. non enim tarda vit, sed cucurrit clamans dictis,
factis, morte, vita, descensu, ascensu, clamans, ut
redeamus ad eum. et discessit ab oculis, ut redeamus
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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

unto him along with thee .as many souls as thou canst, (.hat.
and say to them : Him let us love^, let us love him. ^''
He made all these, nor is he far from them. For he
did not once make them, and then get him gone :
but of him, and in him they are. See where lie is,
even wherever is a flavour of truth. He is within
the very heart, but yet hath the heart strayed from
him. Turn again to your own heart, O ye trans- js. xivi. 8
gressors7 and cleaVti fayt uilLo him that made you.
Stand with him, and ye shall stand safely : rest
yourselves in him, and ye shall rest safely. Whither
go you in these craggy passages } Oh whither go
you .'' The good that you love, is from him ; and in
respect of him 'tis both good and pleasant. But it
shall justly be turned to bitterness, because whalso- \
ever is from him is unjustly loved, if he be forsaken _^^
for it. Whither now wander ye further and further
over these difficult and troublesome passages ? There
is no rest to be found where you seek it. Seek what
you do seek, but yet 'tis not there where you are
seeking for it. You seek a blessed iife in llie land
of death ; 'tis not there : for how should there be a
happy life, where there is at all no life ?

But our life descended hither, and took away our
death, and killed him, out of the abundance of his own
life: and he thundered, calling unto us to return
hence to him into that secret place, from whence
he came forth to us; coming first into the Virgin's
womb, whence the humanity was married unto him,
(even our mortal flesh, though not ever to be mortal) I's. .wiii. 6
and thence came lie like a bridegroom out of his
chamber, rejoicing as a giant to run his course. For
he forslowed not, but he ran, crying both in words,
deeds, death, descent, and ascension ; still crying to
us to return unto him. And he v.itluli-cw himself

J 81

i

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
(]AP. ad cor et inveniamus eum, abscessit enim et ecce

XII

hie est. noluit nobiscum diu esse et non reliquit nos.
illuc enim abscessit, unde iiumquam recessitj quia
mundus per eum factus est, et in hoc mundo erat,
et venit in hunc mundum peccatores salvos facere.
cui confitetur anima mea, et sanat earn, quoniam
peccavit illi. fill hominum, quo usque graves corde ?
numquid et post descensum vitae non vultis ascen-
dere et vivere ? sed quo ascenditis, quando in alto
estis et posuistis in caelo os vestrum ? descendite,
ut ascendatis, et ascendatis ad deum. cecidistis enim
ascendendo contra deum. die eis ista, ut plorent in
convalle plorationis, et sic eos rape tecum ad deum,
quia de spiritu eius haec dicis eis, si dicis ardens igne
caritatis.

XIII

CAT. Haec tunc non noveram, et amabam pulchra inferiora,

XIII

et ibam in profundum et dicebam amicis meis :
" num amamus aliquid nisi pulchrum ? quid est ergo
pulchrum ? et quid est pulchritudo ? quid est quod
nos allicit et conciliat rebus, quas amamus? nisi
enim esset in eis decus et species, nuUo modo nos ad
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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

from our eyes, that we might return to our own chap.
heart, and there find him. He withdrew himself, and ^^^
behold he is still here. He would not tarry long
with us, yet hath he not utterly left us ; for thither he
is gone, from whence he never parted, because the
world was made by him. And in this world he was,
and into this world he came to save sinners, unto
whom my soul now confesseth, and he heals it, for it
hath sinned against him. O ye sons of men, how long
will ye be slow of heart .'* Will ye not now after that
life is descended down to you, will not you ascend up
to it and live ? But whither ascend you since you are
on high, and have lifted up your head into heaven ?
Descend again, that you may ascend, and ascend to
God. For fallen you are, by ascending against God.
Tell the souls whom thou lovest, thus ; that they may
weep in this valley of tears ; and so carry them up
with thee unto God, because by his Spirit thou
speakest thus unto them, if speak thou dost burning
with the fire of charity.

xni

Love, whence it comes

These things I as then knew not, and I fell in love
with these inferior beauties, and I was sinking even xiii
to the very bottom ; and unto my friends 1 said : Do
we love anything that is not beautiful .'* Then what
is fair, and what is beauty .'' What is it that inveigles
us thus, and that draws our affections to the things
we love .'' For unless there were a gracefulness and
a beauty in them, they could by no means draw us

183

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. se moverent." et animadvertebam, et videbam in

XIII

ipsis corporibus aliud esse quasi totum et ideo pul-
chrum, aliud autem, quod ideo deceret, quoniam
apte accommodaretur alicui, sicut pars corporis ad
universum suum aut calciamentum ad pedem et
similia. et ista consideratio scaturriit in animo meo
ex intimo corde meo, et scripsi libros " de pulchro et
apto_," puto, duos aut tres ; tu scis, deus : nam ex-
cidit mihi. non enim habemus eos, sed aberraverunt
a nobis nescio quomodo.

XIV

CAP. Quid est autem, quod me movit, domine deus meus,
XIV ^ ' ^ '

ut ad Hierium, Romanae urbis oratorem, scriberem
illos libros ? quern non noveram facie, sed amaveram
hominem ex doctrinae fama, quae illi clara erat, et
quaedam verba eius audieram, et placuerant mihi.
sed magis, quia placebat aliis et eum efferebant
laudibus stupentes, quod ex homine Syro, docto prius
graecae facundiae, post in latina etiam dictor mira-
bilis extitisset, et esset scicntissimus rerum ad studium
sapientiae pertinentium, mihi placebat. laudabatur
homo et amabatur absens. utrumnani ab ore laud-
antis intrat in cor audientis amor ille ? absit ; sed
ex amante alio aceenditur alius, hiiic enim amatur
184

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

unto them. And I marked narrowly and perceived chap.
that in the bodies themselves there was one thing ^^^^
as it were the whole, which in that respect was
beautiful, and another thing that was therefore be-
coming, because it was aptly fitted to some thing,
as some part of the body, in respect of the whole
body, or a shoe in respect of the foot, and the like.
And this consideration sprang up in my mind even
out of the innermost of my heart, and I composed
certain books on the Beautiful and the Fitting, two
or three as I think. Thou knowest it, O Lord, for
'tis out of my memory. For I have them not now by
me, but lost they are, and I know not how.

XIV

Of his Book of Fair and Fit

What was the cause, O Lord my God, that moved chap
me to dedicate unto Hierius an Orator of Rome, ^^^
these books of mine ? whom as then I so much as
knew not by face, but upon love to the man merely
for the face of his learning, which was eminent in
him, and some words of his that I had heard, which
very well pleased me. But rather did he please
me, for that he pleased others, who highly ex-
tolled him, admiring much that a Syrian born,
brought up first in the Greek eloquence, should
afterwards prove so wonderful a master in the Latin
also : being above all this, a most knowing man in
all the studies that pertain unto wisdom. He was
commended and loved even when he was absent.
Doth then this love enter the heart of the hearer
immediately from the mouth of the praiser ? Nothing
so. But by one lover is another inflamed. Hence

185

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. qui laudatur, dum non fallaci corde laudatoris praedd
cari creditur, id est cum amans eum laudat.

Sic enira tunc amabam homines ex hominum iudi
cio ; non enim ex tuo, deus meus, in quo nem<
fallitur. sed tamen cur non sicut auriga nobilis,
sicut venator studiis popularibus difFamatus^ sed
longe aliter et graviter, et ita, quemadmodum et me
laudari vellem ? non autem vellem ita laudari et
amari me ut histriones, quamquam eos et ipse
laudarem et amarem, sed eligens latere quam ita
notus esse^, et vel haberi odio quam sic amari. ubi
distribuuntur ista pondera variorum et diversorum
amorum in anima una ? quid est, quod amo in alio,
quod rursus nisi odissera, non a me detestarer et
repellerem, cum sit uterque nostrum homo .'' non
enim sicut equus bonus amatur ab eo qui nollet hoc
esse, ctiamsi posset, hoc et de histrione dicendum
est, qui naturae nostrae socius est. ergone amo in
homine quod odi esse, cum sim homo .'' grande
profundum est ipse homo, cuius etiam capillos tu,
domine, numeratos habes et non minuuntur in te : et
tamen capilli eius magis numerabiles quam affectus
eius et motus cordis eius.

At ille rhetor ex eo erat genere, quem sic ama-
bam, ut esse me vellem talem ; et errabam tyfo, et
circumferebar omni vento, et nimis occulte gubernabar
186

V

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

comes it that he is oft loved who is heard com- chap.
mended, when, namely, his worth is believed to be ^^^
truly set forth by the unfeigned heart of the com-
mender ; that is, when he that loves him praises him.
Thus then loved I men, upon the judgment of men,
but not upon thine, O my God, in which no man is ^
deceived. But yet why not as that notable charioteer
or huntsman, so famously spoken of by our vulgar
affections ? No, but far otherwise and more seriously,
and even as I would desire to be myself commended.
For I would by no means have myself or com-
mended or loved, in that kind that stage-players
are, (though I myself did sometimes both commend
and love them) but I would choose rather to have
lived concealed, than to be known that way ; and
to be hated, than in that kind to be beloved. Where
now are these overswayings of such various and
divers kinds of loves distributed in one soul ? What
''is it that I am in love with in another man ? And
" what again is it, that did I not hate him for, I should
not detest and keep him out of my company, seeing
we are men either of us } For the comparison holds
not, that as a good horse is loved by him, who would
not yet be that horse, no not though he might ; the
same should likewise be affirmed of a stage-player,
who is a fellow in nature with us. Do I therefore
love that in a man, which I hate to be, seeing I am a
man ? Man is a great deep, whose very hairs thou Matt. x. 3o
numberest, O Lord, and they are not lost in thy sight ;
1 and yet are the hairs of his head easier to be numbered
Vthan are his affections and the motions of his heart.
But that orator, whom I so loved, was of those that
I would have wished myself to have been : and I
erred through a swelling pride, and was tossed up
and down with every wind, but I was governed by

187

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV

CAP. abs te. et unde scio et unde certus confiteor tibi,
quod ilium in amore laudantium magis amaveram
quam in rebus ipsis, de quibus laudabatur? quia
si non laudatum vituperarent eum idem ipsi et vitu-
perando atque spernendo ea ipsa narrarent, non
accenderer in eo et non excitarer, et certe res non
aliae forent nee homo ipse alius, sed tantummodo
alius affect us narrantium. ecce ubi iacet anima
infirma, nondum haerens soliditati veritatis. sicut
aurae linguarum flaverint a pectoribus opinantium,
ita fertur et vertitur, torque tur ac retorquetur, et
obnubilatur ei lumen et non cernitur Veritas, et
ecce est ante nos. et magnum quiddam mihi erat,
si sermo meus et studia mea illi viro innotescerent :
quae si probaret, flagrarem magis ; si autem inpio-
baret, sauciaretur cor vanum et inane soliditatis tuae.
et tamen pulchrum illud atque aptum, unde ad eum
scripseram, libenter animo versabam ob os contem-
plationis meae, et nuUo conlaudatore mirabar.

XV

CAP. Sed tantae rei cardinem in arte tua nondum vide-
bani, omnipotens, qui facis mirabilia solus, et ibat

188

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

thee very secretly. And how now do I know, and CHAP,
how can I upon a sure ground confess unto thee, ^^^
that I loved that man more for the love of them ^P^^- ^^- ^^
that commended him, than for the good parts them-
selves for which he was commended ? Because if
the self same men should not have praised but dis-
praised him, and in dispraising and despising him
had they told the same things of him, I should never
have been so kindled and provoked to love him.
And certainly things would have been the same,
and the man himself not different, but only a
different feeling in the speakers. See where the
impotent soul lies along, that is not yet stayed up
by the solidity of truth ! Just as the blasts of
tongues blow out of the breasts of those who think
they know, so is it carried this way and that way,
tumbled and tossed up and down, and the light is be-
clouded and it can never discern the truth. And yet
it is right before us. I conceived to purchase some
great credit by it, if my style and meditations might
but be known to that famous man ; which should
he allow of, then were I more on fire, but if he dis-
approved, this vain heart of mine utterly void of thy
solidity, had been cut to the quick at it. And yet
that subject of Fair and Fit upon which I wrote to
him, my meditations gladly laboured upon, and
though I had no others to commend it, yet did 1
myself admire it.

XV

Hofv his Understanding keing overshadowed with
corporeal images, he could not discei-n the spiritual

But I could not all this while discover the main chap.
point of the business in that skill of thine, O thou ^^

189

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. animus meus per formas corporeas^ et pulchrum,

XV

quod per sc ipsum, aptum autem^ quod ad aliquid
adcommodatum deceret, definiebam et distinguebam
et exemplis corporeis adstruebam. et converti me
ad animi naturam, et non me sinebat falsa opinio,
quam de spiritalibus habebam, verum cernere. et
inruebat in oculos ipsa vis veri, et avertebam pal-
pitantem mentem ab incorporea re ad liniamenta
et colores et tumentes magnitudines, et quia non
poteram ea videre in animo, putabam me non posse
videre animum meum. et cum in virtute pacem
amarem, in vitiositate autem odissem discordiam, in
ilia unitatem, in ista quandam divisionem notabam,
inque ilia unitate mens rationalis et natura veritatis
ac summi boni mihi esse videbatur : in ista vero
divisione inrationalis vitae nescio quam substantiam,
et naturam summi mali, quae non solum esset sub-
stantia, sed omnino vita esset, et tamen abs te non
esset, deus meus, ex quo sunt omnia, miser opinabar.
et illam monadem appellabam tamquam sine uUo
sexu mentem, banc vero dyadem, iram in facinoribus,
libidinem in flagitiis, nesciens quid loquerer, non
enim noveram neque didiceram nee ullam sub-
stantiam malum esse, nee ipsam mentem nostram
summum atque inconmutabile bonuni.

Sicut enim facinora sunt, si vitiosus est ille animi
motus, in quo est impetus, et se iactat insolenter ac
190

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

Omnipotent who only dost great wonders ; and CHAP,
my conceit ranged through corporeal forms : and I ^^
defined and distinguished as fair, what is so, abso-
lutely of itself ; and fit, which becomes graceful when
applied to some other thing: and confirmed my
argument by corporeal examples. I set my studies
afterwards to consider of the nature of the soul,
but that false opinion which I had already enter-
tained concerning spiritual matters, would not let
me discover the truth, yet the force of truth did
ever and anon flash into mine eyes, but I turned
away my panting soul from all incorporeal substances,
setting it upon lineaments, and colours, and swelling
quantities. And for that I was not able to see all
these in my soul, I verily believed that I could not
see that soul of mine. And whereas in virtue I
loved peace, and in viciousness I abhorred discord :
in the first I observed an unity, but division ever to
be in this. And in that unity, I conceived to be the
rational intelligence, and the nature both of truth
and of our chiefest goodness : but in this division,
silly I imagined, I know not what substance of an
irrational life, and the nature of the greatest evil,
which should not only be a substance, but a very
true life also, and yet not at all depend on thee, O
my God, of whom are all things. And yet that
first I called Unity, as if it had been a soul without
sex ; but the latter I styled a Duality, which should
be anger in cruelties, and lust in impurities ; not
knowing what I talked of. For I had not as yet
either known or learned, that neither was evil a
substance, or that our own soul was not that chiefest
and unchangeable good.

For even as crimes are done, if so be that motion
of the soul in which the force of the appetite now is,

191

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
CAP. turbide, et flagitia, si est inmoderata ilia animae af-

XV

fectio^ qua carnales hauriuntur voluptates^ ita errores
et falsae opiniones vitam contaminant, si rationalis
mens ipsa vitiosa est. qualis in me tunc erat, nesciente
alio lumine illam inlustrandam esse, ut sit particeps
veritatis, quia non est ipsa natura veritatis, quoniam
tu inluminabis lucernam meam, domine ; deusmeus,
inluminabis tenebras meas, et de plenitudine tua
omnes nos accepimus. es enim tu lumen verum, quod
inluminat omnem hominem venientem in hunc mun-
dum, quia in te non est transmutatio nee moment i
obumbratio.

Sed ego conabar ad te et repellebar abs te, ut
saperem mortem, quoniam superbis resistis. quid
autem superbius, quam ut assererem mira dementia
me id esse naturaliter, quod tu es ? cum enim ego
essem mutabilis, et eo mihi manifestum esset, quod
utique ideo sapiens esse cupiebam, ut ex deteriore
melior fierem, malebam tamen etiam te opinari muta-
bilem, quam me non hoc esse, quod tu es. itaque
repellebar, et resistebas ventosae cervici meae, et ima-
ginabar formas corporeas, et caro carnem accusabam
et spiritus ambulans non revertebar ad te, et ambu-
lando ambulabam in ea, quae non sunt neque in
te neque in me neque in corpore, neque mihi crea-
bantur a veritate tua, sed a mea vanitate fingebantur;
ex corpore, et dicebam parvulis fidelibus tuis, civibus"
19^

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV .

be corrupted, stirring itself insolently and unrulily : uhaf
and vices arise^ when that affection of the soul by ^^
which carnal pleasures are taken into resolution, '
be immoderate : thus do errors and false opinions
defile the life, if so be that the reasonable soul itself
be viciously disposed. So it was in me at that time,
when I was utterly ignorant that it must be en-
lightened by another light, to make it partaker of the
truth, since it is not itself the essence of truth. For
thou shalt light my candle, O Lord my God, thou Pa'
shalt enlighten my darkness : and of thy fulness have Join
we all received ; for thou art the true Light that
lighteth every man that cometh into the world ; for
that in thee there is no variableness, neither shadow
of change.

But I pressed towards thee, and was as fast thrust
from thee, that 1 might taste of death : for thou re- \

sistest the proud. And what could be prouder, than
for me with a wonderful madness to maintain myself
to be that by nature whicli thou thyself art .'' For
whereas myself was mutable, (so much appearing
manifestly unto me, in that I became so ambitious
to grow wiser, that of worse I might so prove better ;) ^/^
yet chose I rather to imagine thee to be mutable,
than myself not to be that which thou wert. There-
fore gavest thou me the repulse, and thou resistedst
my inconsistent stiff-neckedness, and 1 fancied to --^
myself certain corporeal forms, and being flesh, I
accused flesh ; and being a wayfaring spirit, I did
not turn towards thee, but went nuddling on and on ^

towards those fancies which have no being, neither
in thee, nor in me, nor in anybody, nor were
created for me by thy truth, but devised merely by
mine own vain conceit, fancying out a body. And
I demanded of thy faithful little ones, my fellow

I N 193

S. A\ GVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV
OP. meis, a quibus iiescicns exulabani, dicebam illis gar-
lulusct ineptus: "cur ergo errat aninna, qiiam fecit
deus?" et mihi iiolebam dici : "cur ergo errat
deus ? " el contendebam magis inconmutabilem tuam
substantiam coactam errare, quam meam mutabilem
sponte deviasse, et poena errare coiifiitebar.

Et eram aetate aiinorum fortasse viginti sex aut
septCDi, cum ilia volumina scripsi^ volveiis apud me
corporalia figmenta obstrepeiitia cordis mei auribus^,
quas inteudebam, dulcis Veritas^ in interiorem melo-
diam tuam,cogitans de pulchroet apto, et stare cupiens
et audire te et gaudio gaudere propter vocem sponsi,
et non poteram^ quia vocibus erroris mei rapiebar
foras^ et f)ondere superbiae meae in ima decidebam.
non enim dabas auditui meo gaudium et laetitiam^
aut exultabant ossa_, quae humiliata non erant.

1!H

ST. AlJOrSTINK'S COXFKSSTOXS BOOK TV

1 citizens, (from whom unbeknowing to myself I stcod 'HA
L exiled) I put the question to them 1 say, (prating ^"^
and foolish man that I was !) Why therefore doth the
soul err, which God hath created ? But I would not
that any one should demand of me. Why therefore
doth God err ? And I stiffly maintained, that thy
unchangeable substance rather did err upon con-
straint, tlian be brought to confess mine own '
changeable substance to have gone astray volun-
tarily, or that my error was my punishment.

I was at that time perchance six or seven and
twenty years old, when I composed those volumes ;
canvassing up and down with myself these corporeal
fictions, which were still buzzing in the ears of my
heart, (which ears I was straining rather, O sweet
truth, to hearken after thy inward melody) plodding
all this time upon my Fair and Fit, and desiring to
stand, and to hearken to thee, and to rejoice ex-
ceedingly at the voice of thy Spouse, but could not
bring myself to it ; for by the calls of mine own errors,
I was drawn out of myself, and oppressed with the
weight of mine own proud conceit, I sunk into the
lowest pit. For thou didst not make me to hear
joy and gladness, nor did my bones rejoice, for they
were not yet humbled.

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBKR I\

XVI

CAr. Et quid inihi proderat, quod aniios natus ferine

XVT

viginti, cum in manus meas vemssent Anstotelica
quaedam^ quas appellant decern categorias — quarum
nomine, cum eas rhetor Carthaginiensis, magister
meus, buccis typho crepantibus commemoraret et alii
qui docti habebantur, tamquam in nescio quid magnum
et divinum suspensus inhiabam — legi eas solus et intel-
lexi ? quas cum contulissem cum eis^qui se dicebant vix
eas, magistris eruditissimis non loquentibus tantum,
sed multa in pulvere depingentibus, intellexisse, nihil
inde aliud mihi dicere potuerunt, quam ego solus apud
me ipsum legens cognoveram; et satis aperte mihi
videbantur loquentes de substantiis, sicuti est homo,
et quae inillis essent, sicuti est figura hominis, qualis
sit, et statura, quot pedum sit, aut cognatio, cuius
frater sit, aut ubi sit constitutus aut quando natus,
aut stet an sedeat, aut calciatus vel arniatus sit, aut
aliquid faciat aut patiatur aliquid, et quaecumque in
his noveni generibus, quorum exempli gratia quaedam
posui, vel in ipso substantiae genere innumerabilia
reperiuntur.

Quid lioc mihi proderat, quando et oberat, cum
etiam te, deus meus, mirabiliter siniplicem atque
I9t>

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

XVI

The advdrabie Aptness to Learning, and the great
Underslanding St. Augustine had

And what was I the better for it;, when scarce twenty < u a i .
years old, that book of Aristotle's Ten Categories ^^^
falling into my hands, (of which my rhetoric master
of Carthage, and others esteemed very good scholars,
would be cracking with full mouths,) I earnestly and
with such suspense gaped upon it at first, as upon I
know not what deep and divine piece ; but read it
over afterwards, yea, and attained the understanding
of it, by myself alone ? And comparing my notes
afterwards with theirs, who protesting how Iiardly
they gat to understand the book from very able
tutors, not dictating to them only by word of mouth,
but taking pains also to delineate out in the dust the
schemes and demonstrations of it ; they could teach
me no more of it, than I had observed before upon
mine own reading. And it seemed plain enough to
my capacity, when they discoursed of substances,
such as man is, and of the accidents inhering to
these substances; as for example, the figure of a
man, how qualified he was, and of what shape and
stature, how many foot high, and his relation to his
kindred, whose brother he is, or where placed, or
when born, or whether he stands or sits, or be shod
or armed, or does or suffers anything : and whatso-
ever was to be learned besides in these nine classes,
of which I have given these former examples; or
these other innumerable observations in that chief
class of substance.

What now did all this further me, seeing withal
it as much hindered me whenas 1 took pains to

197

S. AVGVSTINT CONFKSSrONVM LIRRR IV
TAP. incommulabilem. illis decern praedicamentis putans
quidquid c sset omnino conprehensum, sic intellegere
conarer^ qu.isi et tu subiectnm esses magnitudini tiiae
aut pulchritudini, ut ilia esseiit in te quasi in sub-
iecto^ sicut in corpore : cum tna magnitudo et tua
pulehritudo tu ipse sis, corpus autem non eo sit
niagnum et pulclmnn, quo corpus est, quia ctsi
minus magnum et minus pulcbrum essct, nihilominus
corpus esset? falsitas enim erat, quam de te cogita
bam. non Veritas, et figmenta miseriae meae, nou
Hrmamenta beatitudinis tuae. iusseras enim, et ita
liebat in mc, ut terra spinas et tribolos pareret milii,
et cum labore pervenirem ad panem meum.

Et quid mihi proderat, quod omnes libros artium,
qiias liberales vocant, tunc ncquissimus malarum cupi-
ditatum servus per me ipsum legi ct intellexi, quos-
cumque legere potui ? et gaudebam in cis, et ncsoie-
bam, unde esset quidquid ibi verum et certum esset.
dorsum enim habebam ad lumen, et ad ea, quae
inluminantur, faciem : unde ipsa facies mea, qua in-
luminata cerntbam, non inluminabatur. quidquid
de arte loquendi et tlisserendi, quidquid de dimension-
ibus figurarum et de musicis et de numeris, sine magiia
difficultate nullo hominum tradente intellexi, scis tu,
domine deus meus, quia et celeritas intellegendi et
dispiciendi acumen donum tuum est. sed non indc
1<)8

ST. Al'CJl STINK'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

understand thcc, O my God (whose essence is most chap.
wonderfully simple and unchangeable) : imagining ^^^
whatsoever had being, to be comprehended under
those ten Predicaments ; as if thyself had been
subject to thine own greatness or beauty; and that
these two had an inherence in thee, like accidents
in their subject, or as in a body : whereas thy great-
ness and beauty is in thy essence ; but a body is not
great or fair in that regard as it is a boch^, seeing
that though it were less great or fair, yet should it
be a body notwithstanding. But it was a mere false-
hood which of thee I had conceived, and no truth ;
a very fiction of mine own foolery, and no solid
ground of thy happiness. For thou iiadst given
forth the command, and so it came to pass in me,
that my earth should bring forth briars and thorns i eniii
in me, and that in the sweat of my brow 1 should eat
my ])read.

And what was I the better, that 1, the vile slave to
wicked affections, read over by myself, and under-
stood all the books of those sciences which they call
liberal, as many as I could cast mine eyes upon ?
And that I took great delight in them, but knew not
all this while whence all that came, whatsoever was
true or certain in them .'* For I stood with my back
to the light, and with my face towards these things
which receive that light ; and therefore my face,
with which I discerned these things that were iilunii-
nated, was not in itself illuminated. Whatever was
written, either of the art of rhetoric, of logic, what-
ever of geometry, music, and arithmetic, I attained
the understanding of by myself without any great
difficulty, or any instructor at all, as thou knowest,
O Lord my Ood ; even because the quickness of
conceiving, and the sharpness of disputing is thy

199

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBKR IV
CAP. sacrificabam tibi. itaque mihi non ad usum, sed ad
perniciem magis valebat, quia tam bonam partem
substantiae meae sategi habere in potestate, et forti-
tudinem meam non ad te eustodiebam, sed profectus
sum abs te in longinquam regionem, ut earn dissi-
parem in meretrices cupiditates. nam quid mihi
proderat bona res non utenti bene? non enim
seiitiebam illas artes etiam ab studiosis et ingeniosis
diliicillime intellegi, nisi cum eis eadem conabar ex-
ponere^ et erat ille excellentissimus in eis^ qui me
exponentem nontardius sequeretur.
^ Sed quid mihi hoe proderat putanti, quod tu,
domine deus Veritas, corpus esses lucidum et in-
_^ mensum^ et ego frustum de illo corpore ? nimia
perversitas ! sed sic eram ; nee erubesco, deus me us,
confiteri tibi in me misericordias tuas et invocare te,
qui nou erubui tunc profiteri hominibus blasphemias
meas, et latrare adversum te. quid ergo tunc mihi
proderat ingenium, per illas doctrinas agile, et nullo
adminiculo humani magisterii tot nodosissimi libri
enodati. cum deformiter et sacrilega turpitudine in
doctrina pietatis errarem ? aut quid tantum oberal
p.'irvulis tuis longe tardius ingenium ; cum a te longe
non recederent, ut in nido ecclesiae tuae tuti plu-
mescerent, et alas caritatis alimento sanae fidei
nutrircnt ? o domine deus noster, in velamento
alarum tuaruui S))crennis, et protege nos et porta

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK IV

gift : and yet did I not sacrifice any part of it to thee, chap
All this therefore served not me to any good em- ^^*^
ployment, but to ray destruction rather, since I went
about to get so good a part of my portion into mine
own custody; and I preserved not mine own abili-
ties entire for thy service, but wandered into a far
country, to spend it there upon my harlotries. For
what good did it me to have good abilities, and not
employ them to good uses ? For I understood not
that those arts were attained with difficulty, even
by those that were very studious and intelligent
scholars, until that myself going about to interpret
them in others' hearing, he was held tlie most ex-
cellent at them, who was able to follow me with
least slowness. .

But what did all this benefit me, thinking all this \
while that thou, O Lord God of Truth, wert nothing \
but a vast and bright body, and myself some piece
of that body ? O extreme perverseness ! But in
that case was I then ; nor do I blush, O my God,
to confess thy mercies towards me, and to call upon
thee, who blushed not then openly to profess before
men mine own blasphemies, and to bark against
thee. What good did then my nimble wit, able to
run over all those sciences, and all those most knotty
volumes, made easy to me without help or light from
any tutor ; seemg that I erred so foully, and with
so much sacrilegious shamefulness in the doctrine
of piety ? Or what hindrance was a far slower wit
to thy little ones ; seeing they straggled not so far
from thee, but that in the nest of thy Church they
might securely plume themselves, and nourish the
wings of charity, by the food of solid faith ? O
Lord our God, under the sliadow of thy wings let us
hope ! Defend thou, and carry us. Thou wilt carry

201

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER IV

CAP. nos. til portabis, tu portabis et parvulos et usque ad"

canos tu portabis : quoniam firmitas nostra quando

tu es^ tunc est firmitas^ cum autem nostra est^ in-

firmitas est. vivit apud te semper bonum nostrum,

et quia inde aversi sumus, perversi sumus. revert-

amnr iam, domine, nt non evertamur, quia vivit

apud te sine uUo defectu bonum nostrum,

quod tu ipse es : et non timemus, ne

non sit quo redeamus, quia nos

inde ruimus ; nobis autem

absentibus non ruit do-

raus nostra, aeter-

nitas tua.

202

r

ST. AUGUSTINES CON^SSIONS BOOK IV

us, thou wilt so, both while we are little and until we ctiAP,
are greyheaded : for our weakness, when 'tis from ^^^
thee, then is onr strength ; but when 'tis of our-
selves, then it is weakness indeed. Our good still
lives with thee ; from which because we are averse,
tliercfore arc we perverse. Let us now at last, O
Lord, return, that we do not overturn : because with
thee our good lives without any defect, which
good thou art. We shall not need to fear find-
ing a place to return unto, because we
fell headlong from it; for however
we have been longabsentfrom
thence, yet that house of
ours shall not fall
down, and that
is thy Eter-
nity.

203

BOOK V

LIBER QVINTVS

I

CAP. AcciPE sacrificium confessioniim meavum de iiianu
linguae meae, quam formasti et excitasti, ut confitca-
tur nomini tuo^ et sana omnia ossa mea, et dicant :
domine, quis similis tibi ? neque enim docet te,
quid in se agatur, qui tibi confitetur; quia oculum
tuum non excludit cor clausiim, nee manum tuam re-
pellit duritia hominum : sed solvis earn, cum voles^
aut miserans aut vindicans, et non est qui se ab-
scondat a calore tuo. sed te laudet anima mea, ut
amet te, et confiteatur tibi miserationes tuas, ut laudet
te. non cessat nee tacet laudes tuas universa creatura
tua, nee spiritus omnis hominis per os conversum ad
te; necanimalia nee corporalia per os considerantium
ea : ut exsurgat in te a lassitudine anima nostra, in-
nitens eis, quae fecisti, et adtransiens ad te, qui fecisti
liaec mirabiliter: et ibi refectio et vera fortitudo.

'i06

THE FIFTH BOOK

^ ■ . . !

He stirs his ow7i Soul to praise God

Receive here the sacrifice of confessions from the CHAi'.
hand of my tongue, which thou hast formed and ^
stirred up to confess unto thy name. Heal thou all
my bones and let them say, O Lord, Who is like unto Ps. xxxv.
thee? For neither does a man teach thee what is '^
done within himself when he confesses to thee ;
seeing a closed heart shuts not out thy eye, nor can
man's hard-heartedness thrust back thy hand : for
tliou openest it when thou pleasest, either out of
pitv or justice to us, and there is nothing can hide
itself from thy heat. But let my soul praise thee I's. x\x. e
that it may love thee, and let it confess thine own
mercies to thee that it may praise thee. Thy whole
creation is never slack or silent in thy praises, nor the
spirit of any man by the praise of his mouth con-
verted to thee ; no nor yet any animal or corporeal
creature, by the mouths of those that well consider
of them : that so our soul may toward thee rouse
itself up from weariness, leaning itself on those
things whicli thou hast created, and passing over to
thyself, who hast made them so wonderfully; where
refreshment and true fortitude is.

207

s. A\ (.\s:iiNi confp:ssionvm libek v

II

OAi'. Eant el fiii>iant a te inquieti iniqiii. et tu vides eos
et distinguis umbras, et eece piilchra sunt cum eis
omnia, et ipsi turpes sunt, et quid nocuerunt tibi ?
aut in quo imperium tuum dehonestaverunt, a caelis
usque in novissima iustum et integrum ? quo enim
fugeruntj cum fugerent a facie tua ? aut ubi tu non
invenis eos ? sed fugerunt, ut non viderent te viden-
tem se, atque excaecati in te offenderent — quia non
deseris aliquid eorum, quae fecisti — in te offenderent
iniusti et iuste vexarentur, subtrahentes se lenitati
tuae, et offendentes in rectitudinem tuam, et cadehtes
in asperitatem tuam. videlicet nesciunt, quwl ubique
sis, quern nuUus circuminscribit locus, et solus es
praesens etiam his, qui longe fiunt a te. convertan-
tur ergo et quaerant te, quia non, si cut ipsi deserue-
runt creatorem suum, ita tu deseruisti creaturam
tuam. ipsi convertantur, et ecce ibi es in corde
eonun, in corde confitentium tibi, et proicientium se
in te, et ploraiitium in sinu tuo post vias suas diffi-
ciles : et tu facilis tergens lacrimas eorum, et magis
plorant et gaudent in fletibus, quoniam tu, domine,
20H

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

li

God's presence can wo man avoid, seeing he is everywhere

Let unquiet naughty people run and flee from thee chap.
as fast as they will; yet thou seest them well ^^
enough, and canst distinguish of shadows : and
beliold, all seems gay to them, meanwhile themselves
be deformed. And what wrong have they done thee
by it, or how have they disparaged thy government,
which from the highest heavens to this lowest earth,
is most just and perfect ? But whither are they fled, ps. cxxxix
when they fled from thy presence ? Or in what ^
corner shalt thou not find them out .-^ But they ran
away that they might not see thee, who well sawest
them, that being so blindfolded, they might stumble
upon thee, because thou forsakest nothing that thou
hast made; that the unjust, I say, might stumble
upon thee, and be justly vexed at it ; withdrawing ,
themselves from thy lenity, and stumbling at thy \
justice, to fall foul upon thy severity. Little know
they in truth, that thou art everywhere, whom no
place encompasses, and that thou alone art ever near,
even to those that set themselves furthest from thee.
Let them therefore be turned back, and seek thee ;
because as they liave forsaken thee their Creator,
thou hast not so given over thy creature. Let them
be turned back; and behold, thou art there in their
heart, in the heart of those that confess thee, and
that cast themselves upon thee, and that pour lorth
their tears in thy bosom, after all their tedious wander-
ings. Then shalt thou most gently wipe away their
tears, and they do weep the more, yea, and delight in
:ir weeping; even for that thou, O Lord, and not anv

o i>t9

.S. AV(t\ S riNI CONFESSIONVM LIBKIl V
CAF. non aliquis iionu), caro et sanguis, sed tu, domine,
qui fecisti, reficis et consolaris eos. et ubi ego erani;,
quando te quaerebam ? et tu eras ante me, ego
autein et a me discesseram nee me inveniebam :
quanto minus te !

Ill

A p. Proloquor in conspectu dei mei annum ilium unde-
tricensimum aetatis meae. iam venerat Carthaginem
quidam Manichaeorum episcopus, Faustus nomine,
magnus laqueus diaboli, et multi inplicabantur in
eo per inlecebram suaviloquentiae. quam ego iam
tametsi laudabam, discernebam tamen a veritate
rerum, quarum discendarum avidus eram, nee quali
vasculo sermonis, sed quid mihi scientiae comeden-
dum adponeret nominatus apud eos ille Faustus
intuebar. fama enim de illo praelocuta mihi erat,
quod esset honestarum omnium doctrinarum peri-
tissimuset adprime disciplinis liberalibus eruditus
^ Et quoniam multa philosophorum legeram, memo-
riae que mandata retinebam, ex eis quaedam conipara-
bam illis Manichaeorum longis fabulis : etmihi j^roba-
biliora ista videbantur, quae dixerunt iili, qui tantum
potuerunt valere, ut possent aestimare saeculum,
quamquam eius dominum minime invenerint. quo-
niain magnus es, domine, et hmnilia respieis_, excelsaJ
210

f ST. AUGUSTfNK'S COXFKSSIOXS BOOK V

! man of flesh and blood, but Uiou Lord, wiio madost < u \r
them, canst refresh and comfort them. But where "
j abouts was I, when I sought after thee .'' Thou wert
i directly before me, but I had gone back from thee ;
uov did 1 then find myself, much less thee.

Ill

Of FnuMhf.t the Manic/tee : cnul of Astrologies

I LAV open before my God thit nine and twentieth chap.
year of mine age. There came in those days unto ^^^
Carthage a certain Bishop of the Manicliees, Faustus
by name : a great snare of the Devil he was, and
ixiany were entangled by him in that gin of his smooth
language : which though myself did much commend
in him, yet I was able to discern betwixt it, and the
truth of those things which 1 then was earnest to
learn : nor had 1 an eye so much to the curious dish of
oratory, as what substance of science their so famous
Faustus set before me to feed upon. Report had be-
forehand highly spoken of him to me ; as, that he was
a most knowing man in all points of honest learning,
and exquisitely skilled in all the liberal sciences.

And for that I had sometimes read many books or
the philosophers, and had fresh in memory much of
theirs ; 1 j)resently fell to compare some points of
theirs to those long fables of the Manichees : and
those things verily which the philosophers had taught,
(who could only prevail so ffir as to make judgment
of this lower world, though the Lord of it they could
by no means find out) seemed far more probable unto
me. For great art thou, O Lord, and hast respect rs.cxxxvlii.
unto the humble, but the proud thou beholdest afar ^

211

I

.^. AVGVSTTNT CONFRSSIOWM TJBKU V •
< Ar .lutein « loiigc agnoscis : nee prupiiiquas nisi obtritis
cordc;, nee inveniris a superbis, nee si illi curiosa
peritia numerent Stellas et harenam, et dimetiantur
sidereas plagas_, et vestigent vias astrorum. mente
sua enira quaerunt ista et ingenio, quod tu dedisti
eis, et multa invenerunt, et praenuntiaverunt ante
multos annos defectus luminarium solis et lunae,
quo die^ qua hora, quanta ex parte futuri essent,
et non eos fefellit numerus. et ita factum est, ut
praenuntiaverunt; et scripserunt regulas indagatas,
et leguntur hodie ; atque ex eis praenuntiatur, quo
anno et quo mense anni et quo die mensis et qua
hora diei et quota parte luminis sui defectura sit
luna vel sol : et ita fiet, ut praenuntiatur. et
mirantur haec homines et stupent, qui nesciunt
ea, et exultant atque extoUimtur qui sciunt, et per
impiam su})erbiam recedentes, et deficientes alumine
tuo. tanto .inte solis defectum futurum praevident, et
in praesentia suum non vident — non enim religiose
(|iia(iunt, uncle habeantingeiuum^ quo ista quaerunt —
et invenientes, quia tu fecisti eos, non ipsi se dant tibi,
se, nt serves quod fecisti, et quales se ipsi feeerant
oeeidunt se tibi, et trucidant exaltntioms suas sicut
volatilia, et curiositates suas sieut pisces maris, quibus
perambiilant secretas semitas abyssi, et luxmias suas
£12

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

oft'. Nor dost, thou draw near^ hut to the contrite in chap.
hearty nor art thou found by those that be proud^ no, ^^^
not though they had the curious skill to number the
stars and the sand^ and to quarter out the houses
of the heavenly constellations, and to find out tlie
courses of the planets. For with their understanding
and wit, which thou bestowedst on them, do they
search out these things : nuieh they have found out,
and foretold many a year, before the echpses of the
lights of the sun and moon, what day and what hour,
and how many digits they should be so, nor hath
their calculation failed them : and just thus came all
to pass as they foretold ; and they committed to
writing the rules found out by them, which are read
this day, and out of them do others foretell in what
year, and month of the year, and what day of the
month, and what hour of the day, and what part
of its light, the moon or the sun is to be eclipsed :
and so it shall come to pass as it is foreshewed.
At these things men wonder and are astonished,
that know not this art ; and they that know it,
triumph and arc extolled ; and out of a wicked pride
turning back from thee, failing thereby of thy light,
they foresee an eclipse of the sun so long beforehand,
but perceive not their own which they suffer in the
present. For they enquire not religiously enough '
from whence they are enabled with the wit to seek
all this withal : and finding that 'tis thou that made
them, they resign not themselves up unto thee, that
thou mayest preserve what thou hast made, nor do
they kill in sacrifice unto thee, what they have made
themselves to be ; nor slay their own exalted imagina-
tions, like as the fowls of the air ; and their own I's. viii
curiosities, like as the fishes of the sea, in which they
wander over the unknown paths of the bottomless

213

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER V
CAP. sicut pecora campi, ut tu, deus, ignis edax, consumas
mortuas curas eorum, recreans eos immortaliter.

Sed non noverunt viam^ verbum tuum, per quod
fecisti ea quae numerant, et ipsos qui nuraerant, et
sensum^ quo cernunt quae numerant, et mentem, de
qua numerant ; et sapientiae tuae non est numerus.
ipse autem unigenitus factus est nobis sapientia et
iustitia et sanctificatio, et numeratus est inter nos, et
solvit tributum Caesari. non noverunt banc viani,
qua descendant ad ilhim a se, et per eum ascendant
ad einn, non noverunt banc viani, et putant se ex-
celsos esse cum sideribus et lucidos, et ecce ruerunt
in terram^ et obscuratum est insipiens cor eorum. et
multa vera de creatura dicunt, et veritateni, creaturae
artificem, non pie quaerunt, et ideo non inveniunt,
aut si inveniunt^ cognoscentes deum, non sicut deum
hoi7orant, aut gratias agunt. et evanescunt in cogita-
tiouibus suis, et dicunt se esse sapientes sibi tribuendo
(juae tua sunt, ac per hoc student perversissima cae-
eitate etiam tibi tribuere quae sua sunt, mendacia
scilicet in te conferentes, qui Veritas es, et immu-
tantes gloriam incorrupti dei in similitudinem iraaginis
corruptibilis hominis et volucrum et quadrupedum
et serpentium, et convertunt veritatem tuam in
mendacium, et eolunt et serviunt creaturae potius
quarn creator!.
214

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

pit; and their own luxuriousness, like as the beasts chap.
of the field; that thou Lord, who art a consuming ^^^
tire, mayest burn up those dead cares of theirs, and Dent, iv, 24
renew themselves immortally.

But they know not tjiat way, (thy Word) by which
; tiioii madest these things which themselves can
calculate, and the calculators themselves, and the
sense by which they see what they number, and the
understanding, out of which they do number it : and
of thy wisdom there is no number. But the Only
Begotten himself is made unto us Wisdom, and 1 ( or. i. sn
Righteousness, and Sanctification, and was numibered
as one of us, and paid tribute unto Caesar. This way^

Lhave not these men known, by which they should V.
descend from themselves unto him, and by -him (
again ascend unto him. They verily know not this J
way, and they conceit themselves to move in an high
orb, and to shine amongst the stars ; whereas behold
they grovel upon the ground, and their foolish heart Kom. i. 21
is darkened. Thej discourse truly of many things
concerning the creature ; but the truth, the Architect ■-^"
of the creature, they do not religiously seek after ; and
therefore do they not find him. Or if they do find
him, acknowledging him to be God, yet they glorify [.um. i. 21
him not as God, neither are thankful, but become
vain in their imaginations. They give out themselves
to be wise, attributing thy works unto their skill :
and in this humour with a most perverse blindness,
study they on the other side to impute to thee their
own follies ; entitling thee, who art the Truth itself,
unto their lies ; changing thus the glory of the un- Rom. 1. 28.
corruptible God into an image like to corruptible 2»
man, and to birds, and to four footed beasts, and
creeping things : changing thy truth into a lie, and

serving the creature more than the Creator.

k

215

S. AVGVSTINI CONI ESSIONVM LIBER V
( Ar' Multa tamen ab eis ex ipsa creatura vera dicta
retinebam, et occrurrei)at mihi ratio per numeros et
ordinem temporum et visibiles attestationes siderum^
ct conferebam cum dictis Manichaei, quae de his rebus
multa scripsit dopiosissime delirans, et non mihi
occurrebat ratio nee soHstitiorum et aequiiioctiorum
nee defectuum luminarium nee quidquid tale in libris
saecularis sapientiae didiceram. ibi autem credere
iubebar, et ad iUas rationes numeris et oculis meis
exploratas non occurrebat, et longe diversuni erat.

IV

CAP. NuMQUiD, domine deus veritatis, quisquis novit ista^
iam placet tibi ? infelix enim homo, qui scit ilia
omnia, te autem nescit ; beatus autem, qui te scit,
etiamsi ilia nesciat. qui vero et te et ilia novit, non
proj)ter ilia beatior, sed propter te solum beatus est,
si cognoscens te, sicut te glorificet, et gratias agat et
non evanescat in cogitationibus suis. sicut enim
nitlior, qui novit possidere arborem et de usu eius
tibi gratias agit, quamvis nesciat vel quot cubitis alta
sit vel quanta latitudine diffusa, quam ille, qui earn
metitur et omnes ramos eius mmuMat et iicqiu
216

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

But yet divers observations concerning the creature CHAF.
truly delivered by tliese philosophers, did I retain in ^^^
memory, yea, and I found there a reasonable ex-
planation by calculations, the order of times, and
the visible testimonies of the stars : and all this I
compared with the sayings of Manicbaeus, who had
written much of these subjects, doting most abun-
dantly; but I found there no reason either of the
solstices, or equinoxes, or of the eclipses of the
greater lights, nor of any such point as I had learned
in the books of secular philosophy. But in his
writings was I commanded to believe all, but it
did not answer unto those reasons, which had been
found true, both by mine own calculatings and eye-
sight ; from all which his was quite contrary.

IV

Only fhr Knowledge of (h)d makes happif

Tkll me, O Lord (ud of Truth, is whosoever is skilful CHAP,
in these philosophical things thereby acceptable unto '^
thee } Surely most unhappy is the man that knows
all these things, and is ignorant of thee : but happy
is he that knows thee, though ignorant of these.
And he that knows both thee and them, is not
the happier for them, but for thee only ; upon con-
dition tliat as he knows thee, so he glorifies thee as
thou art, and is thankful, and becomes not vain in his Kom. i. ai
own imaginations. For as he is better that knows how
to possess a tree, and returns thanks unto thee for
the commodities of it, although he knows not how

f*^'"ny cubits high it rises, or how broad it spreads ;
n he that hath the skill to measure it, and keeps
217

S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAR jwssidet earn, neque creatorem eius novit aut diligit;
sic fidelis homo, cuius totus mundus divitiarura est, et
(juasi nihil habens omnia possidet inhaerendo tibi,
cui serviunt omnia, quamvis nee saltern septentrionum
gyros noverit, dubitare stultum est, quin utique melior
sit quam mensor caeli et numerator siderum et pensor
elementorum, et neglegens tui, qui omnia in mensura
et nuuiero et pondere disposuisti.

CAP. Sed tamen quis quaerebat Manichaeum nescio quem

etiam ista scribere, sine quorum peritia pietas disci

poterat ? dixisti enim ho mini : ecce pietas est sapi-

entia. quam ille ignorare posset, etiamsi ista perfecte

nosset : ista vero quia non noverat, impudentissime

audens docere, prorsus illam nosse non posset.

vanitas est enira mundana ista etiam nota profiteri,

pietas autem tibi confileri. unde ille devius ad hoc

ista multum locutus est, ut convictus ab eis, qui ista

vere didicisseni, quis esset eius sensus in ceteris,

quae abditiora sunt, manifeste cognosceretur. iion
218

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

an account of all the boughs of it, and is neither chap.
owner of it, nor knows nor loves him that created it : ^^
even so, a faithful man, whose right all this world of
wealth is, and who having nothing, yet doth as it were
possess all things, even by cleaving unto thee, to
whom all things serve, though he knows not so much
as the circles of the north, yet it is folly to doubt
but he is in better estate than he that can quarter
out the heavens and number the stars, and poises
the elements, and yet is negligent of thee, who hast
made all things in number, weight, and measure. wisd in

rhe rax/iness of Faii.sins, tn tearhiniz irhni he knew not

But yet who requested 1 know not what Manichean chap.
to write even these things, without the skill of which v
true piety might well have been learned? For thou
hast said unto man. Behold, piety is wisdom ; of j^b xxviii.
which the Manichean might be utterly ignorant, 28
though perfect at the knowledge of these things :
but these things because he knew not, most impu-
dently daring to teach them, he was not able plainly
to attain the knowledge of that piety. A great
vanity it is verily to profess these worldly things
even when known ; but it is a pious thing to confess
unto thee. From this he had gone astray, and all
he got by prating much of these things, was to be
confuted by those who had learned the truth of these
things, and to be evidently discovered what under-
standing he had in points that were abstruser. For

iil9

S. AVGVSTINI CONFJ'SSIONVM LIBER V
CAR enim parvi se aestimari voluit, sed spiritum sanctum,
consolatorem el ditatorem fidelium tuorum, auctori-
tate plenaria personaliter in se esse persuadere con-
atus est. itaqiie cum de caelo ac stellis et de solis ac
lunae motibus falsa dixisse deprehenderetur, quamvis
ad doctrinam religionis ista non pertineant, tamen
ausus eius sacrileges fuisse satis emineret, cum ea
non solum ignorata^ sed etiam falsa, tarn vesana
superbiae vanitate diceret, ut ea tamquam divinae
personae tribuere sibi niteretur.

Cum enim audio Christianum aliquem fratrem,
ilium aut ilium, ista nescientem et aliud pro alio
sentientem, patienter intueor opinantem homiuem;
nee illi obesse video, cum de te, domine creator
omnium, non credat indigna, si forte situs et habitus
creaturae corporalis ignoret. obest autem, si hoc ad
ipsam doctrinae pietatis formam pertinere arbitretur,
et pertinacius affirmare audeat quod ignorat. sed
etiam talis infirmitas in fidei cunabulis a Caritate
matre sustinetur, donee assurgat novus homo in
virum perfectum, et circumferri non {)ossit omni vento
doctrinae. i?i illo autem, qui doctor, qui auctor, qui
dux et princeps eorum, quibus ilia suaderet, ita fieri
ausus est, ut qui cum sequerentur non quemlibet
hominem, sed spiritum tuum sanctum se sequi arbi-
trarentur, quis tantam dementiam, sicubi falsa dixisse
220

ST. at:gustinf;s confessions iu)ok V

the man would not have himseli meanly thought oi, (;HA.r.
but went about forsooth, to persuade, that the Holy ^'
Ghost, the Comforter and Enricher of the faithful
ones, was with full authority resident within him.
Whereas therefore he was found out to have taught
falsely of the heavens and stars, and of the courses
of the sun and moon, (although those things pertain
little to the doctrine of religion), that his presumptions
were sacrilegious was apparent enough, seeing that
he delivered those things not only which he knew
not, but which himself had falsified, and that with so
mad a vanity of pride, that he went about to claim
them for himself, as the words of a divine person.

Whenever now I hear a Christian brother, (either
one or other) that is ignorant enough of these
philosophical subtilties, and that mistaketh one
thing for another, I can patiently behold such a man
delivering his opinion; nor do I see how it can
much hinder him, whenas he does not believe any-
thing unworthy of thee, O Lord, the Creator of all,
if perchance he be less skilled in the situation or
condition of the corporeal creature. But then it
hurts him, if so be he imagines this to pertain to the
very essence of the doctrine of piety, and will stand
too stiffly in a thing he is utterly ignorant of And
yet is even such an infirmity in the infancy of a
man's faith withal borne by our Mother Charity, till
such time as tliis new convert grow up into a perfect Euh. iv.
man, p.nd not to be carried "about with every wind ' ^
of doctrine: whereas in that Faustus, who was so
presumptuous as to make himself the doctor and
authority, the ringleader and chief man of all those
whom he had inveigled, to the opinion, that whoever
became his follower, did not imagine himself to
follow a mere man, but thy Holy Spirit; who wculd

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM T.TRER V
CJ vr. coiivincerelur, mm detestandam longeque abiciendam
esse iudicaret ? sed tamen uondum liquido coii-
pereram, utrum etiam secundum eius verba vicissi-
tudines longiorum et brevioi-um dierum atque
noctium, et ipsius noctis et diei, et deliquia luminum,
et si quid eius modi in aliis libris legeram, posset
exponi, ut, si forte posset, incertum mihi fieret,
utrum ita se res haberet an ita, sed ad fidem raeam
illius auctoritatem propter creditam sanctitatem
praeponerem.

VI

('AJ\ p^T pf^Y annos fernie ipsos novem; (lu.ibus eos animo
vagabundus audivi_, uimis extento desiderio vcnturum
expectabam istum Fauslum. ceteri enim eoium, in
quos forte incurrissem, qui talium rerum quaestio-
nibus a me obiectis deficiebant, ilium milii promitte-
bant, cuius adventu conlatoque conloquio facillime
mihi haec, et si qua forte maiora quaererem, enoila-
tissime expedirentur. ergo ubi venit, expertus sum
hominem gratum et iucundum verbis, et ea ipsa, quae
illi solent dicere, multo suavius garrientem. sed quid

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

not judge but that so higli a degree of madness, chap
when once he had been convicted to have taught ^
falsities, were not to be detested, and utterly re-
jected ? But 1 had not clearly as yet found out,
whether the interchanged alterations of the length
and shortness of days and nights, yea of the day and
night itself, witli the eclipses and wanings of the
greater lights, and other things of the like kind
which I had read of in other -books, might also be
so expounded as to stand with his determination of
them : but though peradventure it might so be, yet
should it remain uncertain to me, whether it were
so or not ; however, for the great sanctity supposed
to be in the man, I was ready to j)ropound to
my«;e1f his authority, which ought to be enough to

ma

ke me believe him.

VI

Faustus was eloquent hy Nature, rather than by Art

And by the space almost of those nine years, wherein <^'HAi'
with an unsettled mind I had been a disciple of the ^ ^
Manichees, with a desire set upon the tenter-hooks
had I expected the coming of this Faustus. For all
the rest of that sect whom by chance I had lit upon,
and had put to a nonplus with my questions and
objections about these things, still promised me this
Faustus, upon whose coming and conference all these,
and greater difficulties, if I had them, would most
easily and clearly be satisfied. So soon therefore us
he was come, I quickly tasted him to be a very
pleasing-languaged man, and one that could prate
a great deal more delightfully of tliose points that

223

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM TJRER V
CAP. ad raeam sitim pretiosorum poculorum decentissiiiiub
ministrator f lam rebus tahbus satiatae erant aures
raeae ; nee ideo mihi meliora viclebantur, quia melius
dicebantur ; nee ideo vera, quia diserta ; nee ideo
sapiens anima, quia vultus congruus et decorum
eloquium. illi autem, qui eum mihi promittebant, non
boni rerum existimatores erant ; et ideo illis videbatur
prudens et sapiens, quia delectabat eos loquens.

Sensi autem aliud genus hominum etiam veri-
tatem habere suspectam, et ei nolle adquiescere, si
compto atque uberi sermone promeretur. me autem
iam docueras, deus meus, miris et occultis mod is, et
propterea credo, quod tu me docueris ; quoniam
veruin est, nee quisquam praeter te alius doctor
est veri, ubicumque et undecumque claruerit. iam
ergo abs te didicerani, nee eo dehere videri aliquid
verum dici, quia eloquenter dioitur, nee eo falsum,
quia incomposite sonant signa labiorum ; rursus nee
ideo verum, quia inpolite enuntiatur, nee ideo
falsum, quia splendidus sermo est : sed perinde esse
sapientiam et stultitiam, sicut sunt cibi utiles et
iriutiles; verbis autem oniatis et inornatis, sicut
vasis urbaiiis et rusticanis utrosc^ue cibos posse
ministrari.

Igitur aviditas inea. (]ua ilium tanto tempore
expectaveram hominem, deiectabatur quideni motu
aflectuque disi)utantis, et verbis congruentibus at(|ue

r

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

they were wont to talk of. But how should the most cuAr
spruce cup-bearer slake the thirst I had after those ^'^
precious cups .'* Mine ears had been cloyed already
with such trashy which did not now therefore seem
better to me, because better said ; nor therefore true,
because eloquent ; nor seemed the soul wise, because
the face had a good garb, and the language a sweet
tone. As for them who had made such promises
of him to me, they plainly were no good judges of
things ; and therefore to them he a})peared prudent
and wise, for that he could please them in the
speaking.

Anutiier sort of people I had also met withal, who
become presently suspicious of the truth itself, and
refuse to acknowledge it so, if delivered in a picked
and fluent discourse. But tliou, O my God, hadst
taught me by wonderful and secret ways, and there-
fore I believe, even because thou hast taught me :
for that is the very truth, nor is there besides thee any
other teacher of truth, wheresoever or whencesoever
he may be famous. Of thyself, therefore, had I now
learned, that nothing ought to seem to be truly
spoken, because eloquently set ofi'; nor false therefore,
because delivered with an untunable pronunciation.
Again, nor therefore true, because roughly delivered ;
nor therefore false, because graced in the speaking :
but it fares with wisdom and folly, as it doth with
wholesome and unwholesome diet ; and with neat
and undressed phrases, as with courtly or country
vessels ; either kind of meats may be served up in
either kind of dishes.

That greediness therefore of mine, with which I
had so long expected that man, was delighted verily
with his carriage and feeling in dispute, ^"^1 the apt
words and fluent which set out his thoughts. I
I p 225

I

Sr AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAr. '"id Vvistiendas sertintias facile occurrentibus. delect-
^^ abar autem, et cum multis vel etiam prae multis
laudabam ac ferebam ; sed moleste habebam, quod
in coetu audientium iion sinerer ingerere illi, et
partiri cum eo curas quaestionum mearum, conferendo
familiariter et accipiendo ac reddendo sermonem.
quod ubi potui, et aures eius cum familiaribus meis
eoque tempore occupare coepi, quo non dedeceret
alternis disserere, et protuli quaedam, quae me move-
bant, expertus sum prius hominem expertem liber-
alium disciplinarum, nisi grammaticae, atque eius
ipsius usitato modo. et quialegerat aliquasTuUianas
orationes, et paucissimos Senecae libros, et nonnulla
poetarum, et suae sectae si qua volumina latine atque
composite conscripta erant, et quia aderat cotidiana
sermocinandi exercitatio ; inde suppetebat eloquium,
quod fiebat acceptius magisque seductorium modera-
mine ingenii et quodam lepore naturali. itane est, ut
recolo, domine deus mens, arbiter conscientiae meae ?
coram te cor meum et recordatio mea ; qui mecum
tunc agebas abdito secreto providentiae tuae, et
inhonestos errores meos iam convertebas ante faciem
meam, ut viderem et odissem.

«26

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

was indeed much taken with him ; and with others ^ y^^'
many, yea and more than those many, did I both
praise and extoll him. But this I took ill from him,
that in the assembly of his auditors, I mi<Tht not be
suffered to put in now and then, and communicate
those questions that troubled me, by a familiar con-
ferring and exchange of arguments with him. Which
when I gat opportunity to do, I, with other of my,
friends, both began to busy his ears, and that at such
times too, as had not been undecent for him to have
exchanged an argument with me ; and I opened my-
self in such things as did sway much with me : but
the man I found at once unskilful in the liberal
sciences, save of grammar only, and but ordinarily
in that neither. And because he had read some of
Tully's Orations, some few books of Seneca, divers of
the poets, and those volumes of his own sect which
had been written in the Latin tongue, and something
handsomely ; and for that he was daily practised in
eaking upon a subject ; thence became he furnished
ith eloquence, which proved the more pleasing and
veigling, being governed by a good wit, and set off
ithakind of gracefulness that was natural unto him.
it not thus, as I recall, O Lord my God, thou Judge of
y conscience ? Before thee my heart still is, and my
"emembrance too; thou who didst at that time direct
me by the hidden secret of thy Providence, and didst
turn those shameful errors of mine before my face, rs, l. 21
that I might see and hate them.

227

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V

vn

CAr Nam posteaquam ille mihi imperitus earum artium^
quibus eum excellere putaveram, satis apparuit, de-
sperare coepi posse mihi eum ilia, quae me move-
bant, aperire atque dissolvere ; quorum quidem igna-
rus posset veritatem tenere pietatis, sed si Manichaeus
non esset. libri quippe eorum pleni sunt longissimis
fabulis de caelo et de sideribus et sole et luna : quae
mihi eum, quod utique cupiebam, conlatis nume-
rcrum rationibus, quas alibi ego legeram, utrum
potius ita essent, ut Manichaei libris continebatur,
an certe vel par etiam inde ratio redderetur, sub-
til iter explicare posse iam non arbitrabar. quae
tamen ubi cousideranda et discutienda protuli,
modeste sane ille nee ausus est subire ipsani sar-
cinam. noverat enim se ista non nosse, nee eum
puduit confiteri. non erat de talibus, quales multos
loquaces passus eram, conantes ea me docere et
dicentes nihil, iste verocor habebat, etsi nonrectum
ad te, nee tamen nimis incautum ad se ipsum. non
usquequaque imperitus erat imperitiae suae, et noluit
se temere disputando in ea coartari, unde nee exitus
ei uUus nee facilis esset reditus. etiam hinc mihi
amplius placuit : pulchrior est enim temperantia
conHtentis animi, quam ilia, quae nosse cupiebam. et
228

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

VII

He falls off from the Manichees

For after that he had sufficiently appeared to me to chap.
be thus ignorant of those arts in which I tliought he ^^^
had excelled ; I began to despair that he should ever
open and untie these difficulties which so much per-
plexed me ; of which though a man were ignorant,
he might yet hold fast the truth of piety, provided he
were not a Manichee. For their books are fraught
with far-fetched fables, of the heaven, and the stars,
of the sun and of the moon ; which I, having com-
pared with the calculations I had read of otherwhere,
id not hereafter hold him any ways able exactly to
solve me in (which I much desired), whether those
ings should be rather so, as in the Manichees'
oks they were contained, or that some as sufficient
ason might at least be fetched out of them. Which
eries when I had offered to be considered upon and
iscussed, he, modestly, to say truth, had not the
boldness to undergo that burden ; for he knew of
his own ignorance in these arts, nor was he asiiamed
to confess as much. For none ofthose prating fellows
he was, many of which I had been troubled withal,
hat would undertake to instruct me in these arts, and
last say nothmg to the purpose. But this man
e a mind, though not right towards thee, yet not
too rash towards himself: for he was not altogether
ignorant of his own ignorance ; nor was he willing
rashly to engage himself in a dispute, whence he
could neither get off, nor retire fairly. And even
for this did I like the better of him : for fairer
appears the modesty of a confessing mind, than those
things which I then desired to be informed of. And

229

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBRR V

CAi • eum in omnibus tUfficilioribus et subtilioribus quacs-
tionibus talem inveniebam

Refracto itaque studio^ quod intenderam in Mani-
chaei litteras^ magisque desperans de ceteris eorum
doctoribus, quando in multis, quae me movebant^ ita
ille nominatus apparuit, coepi cum eo pro studio illius
^agere vitam^ quo ipse flagrabat in eas litteras, quas
tunc^iam rhetor Karthaginis adulescentes docebam ;
et legere cum eo, sive quae ille audita desideraret.
sive quae ipse tali ingenio apta existimarem. cete-
""rum conatus omnis meus, qui proficere in ilia secta
statueram, illohominecognito prorsus intercidit; non
ut ab eis omnino separarer, sed quasi melius quicquam
non inveniens eo, quo iam quoquo modo inrueram,
contentus interim esse decreveram, nisi aliquid forte,
quod magis eligendum esset, eluceret. ita ille Faus-
tus, qui multis laqueus mortis extitit, meum quo
captus eram relaxare iam coeperat nee volens nee
sciens. manus enim tuae, deus meus, in abdito provi-
dentiae tuae, non deserebant animam meam, et san-
guine cordis matris meae per lacrimas eius diebus et
noctibus pro me sacrificabatur tibi, ct egisti mecum
miris modis. tu illud egisti, deus meus. nam a
domino gressus hominis diriguntur, et viam eiiis
volet, aut quae procuratio salutis practer manum
tunm reficientem quae fecisti ?

230

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

at this guard I found him lying, in all those more CHAP,
difficult and more subtle questions. ^^^

My edge being thus taken ofT, which I had keenly
directed towards the Manichee's doctrine ; and de-
spairing more of the performance of their other
doctors; seeing in divers things which had stumbled
me, this so famous Faustus liad so appeared ; I
began with him to take the same course of life,
according to that study which he was very hot upon,
in that kind of learning, in which at that time being
a rhetoric reader in Carthage, I instructed young
students ; and I began to read with him, either what
himself desired to hear, or such stuff as I judged fit
for such a wit. But all my endeavour, by which 1
purposed to proceed in that sect, upon knowledge of
that man, beiran utterly to faint in me ; not that I as
yet brake with them altogether; but as one not find-
ing anythinir better than that course, upon which I
had some way or other thrown myself, I resolved to
stay where 1 was awhile, until by chance something
else might appear, which I should see more cause to
make choice of. And thus that Faustus, who had
been the very snare of death unto divers, had now,
nor willing nor knowing, begun to unbind the snare
in which I was fettered. For thy hands, O Lord my
God, out of the secret of thy providence, did not now
forsake my soul ; and out of the blood of my mother's
heart, through her tears night and day poured out,
hadst thou a sacrifice made for me; and thou pro-
ceededst with me by strange and secret ways. It was
thy doing, O my God : for the steps of a man are pg xxxvll
directed by the Lord, and he shall dispose his way. 33
For how shall we procure salvation, but from thy
hand, that repairs whatsoever thou hast made ?

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V

VIII

CAP. Egisti ergo mecum^ ut mihi persuaderetur Roniam
pergere, et potius ibi docere quod docebam Car-
thagini. et hoc unde mihi persuasum est, non prae-
teribo confiteri tibi ; quoniam et in his altissimi tui
recessus et praesentissima in nos misericordia tua
cogitanda et praedieanda est. non ideo Romam per-
gere volui, quod maiores quaestus maiorque mihi dig-
nitas ab amicis, qui hoc suadebant, promittebatur —
quamquam et ista ducebant animum tunc meum —
sed ilia erat causa maxima et paene sola, quod
audiebam quietius ibi studere adulescentes et ordi-
natiore disciplinae cohercitione sedari, ne in eius
scholam, quo magistro non utuntur, passim et pro-
terve inruant, nee eos admitti omnino, nisi ille
permiserit.

Contra apud Carthaginem foeda est et intemperans
licentia scholasticorum : inrumpunt inpudenter et
prope furiosa fronte perturbaiit ordinem, quem
quisque discipulis ad proficiendum instituerit.
multa iniuriosa faciunt, mira hebetudine et punienda
legibus, nisi cnnsuetudo patrona sit, hoc miseriores
cos ostendens, quo iam quasi liceat faciunt, quod
232

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

VIII

He takes a Voi/age to Rome, against the fvill
of his Mother

Thou dealtest with ine therefore, that I should be chap.
persuaded to go to Rome, and teach there, rather ^^^^
than at Carthage. And how I came to be persuaded
to this, I will not neglect to confess unto thee ;
because hereby thy most profound secrets, and thy
most ready mercy towards us, may be considered
upon and professed. I had no intent for this cause
to go towards Rome, that greater gettings, and
higher preferments were warranted me by my friends
which persuaded me to the journey, (though these
hopes likewise drew on my mind at that time) ; but
there was another great reason for it, which was
almost the only reason, that I had heard how young
men might follow their studies there more quietly,
and were kept under a stricter course of discipline;
that they might not at their pleasure, and in inso-
lent manner, rush in upon that man's school, where
their own master professed not, no nor come within
the doors of it, unless he permitted it.

But at Carthage, on the other side, reigns a
most uncivil and unruly licentiousness amongst the
scholars. They break in audaciously, and almost
with Bedlam looks, disturb all order which any
master hath propounded for the good of his scholars.
Divers outrages" do they commit, with a wonderful
5tupidness, deserving soundly to be punished by the
laws, were not custom a defendress of them ; declar-
ing them to be the more miserable, because they do

233

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP. per tuam aeternam legem numquam licebit; et inpune
se facere arbitrantur, cum ipsa faciendi caecitate
puniantur^ et incomparabiliter patiantur peiora, quam
faciunt. ergo quos mores cum studerem meos esse
nolui, eos cum docerem cogebar perpeti alienos ; et
ideo placebat ire, ubi talia non fieri omnes qui
noverant indicabant. verum autem tu, spes mea et
portio mea in terra viventium, ad mutandum terrarum
locum pro salute animae meae et Carthagini stimu-
los, quibus inde avererer, admovebas, et Romae in-
lecebras, quibus adiralitrer, proponebas milii^ per
homines, qui diligunt vitam mortuam, hinc insana
facientesj inde vana poUicentes : et ad coirigendos
greasus meos utebaris occulte et illorum et mea
pei versitate. nam et qui perturbabant otium meum,
foeda rabie caeci erant, et qui invitabant ad aliud,
terram sapiebant. ego autem, qui detestabar hie
veram miseriam, illic falsam felicitatem appetebam.

Sed quare hinc abirem et illuc irem, tu sciebas,
deus, nee indicabas mihi nee matri, quae me pro-
fectum atrociter planxit, et usque ad mare secuta est.
sed fefelli eam violenter me tenentem, ut aut re-
vocaret aut mecum pergeret, et finxi me amicum
nolle deserere, donee vento facto navigaret. et
234

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

as if it were lawful, what by thy eternal law shall never chap.

be so: and they suppose they escape unpunished ^^^^

all this while, whereas they be enough punished

with the blindness which they do it with, and that

they already suffer things incomparably worse than

what they do. These men's manners therefore when

I was a student, I would never fashion myself unto,

though when 1 set up school I was fain to endure

them from others : and for this cause was I desirous

to go, where all those that knew it, assured me,

that there were no such insolencies committed.

But thou, O my Refuge and my Portion in the land Ps. cxUi. 3

of the living, to force me to change my dwelling for

the salvation of my soul, didst prick me forward with

goads at Carthage, with which I might be driven

thence, and madest proffer of certain allurements at

Rome, by which I might be drawn thither : even by

men who were in love with a dying life, now playing

mad pranks, then promising vain hopes : and, for

the reforming of my courses, didst thou make secret

use both of their perverseness and of mine own too.

For both they that disturbed my quiet, were blinded

with a base madness, and those that invited me to

another course, savoured merely of earth. But I

myself, who here detested true misery, aspired there

to a false felicity,^

But the cause why I went from thence, and
went thither, thou knewest, O God ; yet didst thou
neither discover it to me, nor to my mother, who
heavily bewailed my journey, and followed me as far
as the seaside. But I deceived her, though holding
me by force, that either I should go bnck with her,
or she might go along with me : for 1 feigned that
1 had a friend whom I could not leave, till I saw
him with a fair wind under sail. Thus I made a lie

^S5

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP. m^titus sum matri, et illi matri, et evasi ; quia et hoc

VTTI

tu dimisisti mihi misericorditer servaiis me ab aquis
maris plenum exsecrandis sordibus usque ad aquam
gratiae tuae ; qua me abluto siccarentur flumina
maternorum oculorum, quibus pro me cotidie tibi
rigabat terram sub vultu suo. et tamen recusanti
sine me redire vix persuasi^ ut in loco, qui proximus
nostrae navi erat, memoria beati Cypriani, maneret
ea nocte. sed ea nocte clanculo ego profectus sum,
ilia autem non ; mansit orando et flendo. et quid
a te petebatj deus raeus, tantis lacrimis, nisi ut
navigare me non sineres ? sed alte consulens, et
exaudiens cardinem desiderii eius, non curasti quod
tunc petebat, ut me faceres quod semper petebat.
flavit ventus et implevit vela nostra, et litus sub-
traxit aspectibus nostris, in quo mane ilia insanie-
bat dolore etquerellis et gemitu implebat aures tuas
contemnentis ista, cum et me oupiditatibus raperes
ad finiendas ipsas cupiditates, et illius carnale deside-
rium iusto dolorum flagello vapularet. amabat enim
secum praesentiam meam more matrum, sed multis
multo amplius; et nesciebat, quid tu illi gaudioruin
facturus essejs de absentia mea. nesciebat, ideo flebat
et (.'iulabat, atque illis cruciatibus arguebatur in ea
23(i

r ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

to my mother, and to so good a mother too, and so chap.

jrot away from her : for this also hast thou mercifully ^^^^

forgiven me, preserving me from the waters of the

sea, then full of execrable filthiness, landing me safe

at the water of thy Grace ; that so soon as I were

purged with this, those floods of my mother's eyes

shoidd be dried up, with which for my sake she daily

watered the ground under her face, in prayer unto

tiiee. Yet refusing to return without me, I with much

ado persuaded her to stay that night in a place hard

by our ship, where there was an oratory erected in

memory of St. Cyprian. That night I privily stole

aboard, but she did not : she tarried behind in weeping

and prayer. And wiiat, O Lord, requested she with

those tears, but that thou wouldst not suffer me to sail

iway from her .'' But thou profoundly providing, and

earing the main point of her desire, didst not at that

ime regard her petition, that thou mightest bring that

pass in me, which she had always begged of thee.

The wind blew fair, and swelled our sails, and the

hore withdrew itself from our sight. There on the

iiorrow she fell into an extreme passion of sorrow,

nd with complaints and lamentations she even

lied thine ears, which did for that little seem to

egard them : when through the strength of mine

wn desires, thou didst hurry me away, that thou

lightest at once put an end to those same desires :

ad that her carnal affection towards me might be

iistly punished by the scourge of sorrows. For she

luch doted on my company, as mothers use to do,

5a much more fondly than many mothers : and little

aew she how great a joy thou wert about to work

•r her out of my absence. She knew nothing of it,

lerefore did she weep and lament ; proving herself

fose tortures to be guilty of what Eve left
237

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V

CAP. reliquiarium Evae, cum gemitu quaerens quod cum

gemitu pepererat. et tamen post accusationem lalla-

ciarum et crudelitatis meae, conversa rursum ad de-

precandum te pro me abiit ad solita, et ego Romam.

IX

CAP. Et ecce excipior ibi flagello aegritudinis corporalis,
et ibam iam ad inferos, portans omnia mala, quae
eonmiseram et in te et in me et in alios, multa et
gravia super originalis peecati vinculum, quo omnes
in Adam moriraur. non enim quicquam eorum mihi
donaveras in Christo, nee solverat ille in cruce sua
inimicitias, quas tecum contraxeram peccatis meis.
quomodo enim eas solveret in cruce phantasmatis,
quod de illo credideram ? quam ergo falsa mihi vide-
batur mors carnis eius, tam vera erat animae meae ;
et quam vera erat mors carnis eius, tam falsa vita
animae meae, quae id non credebat. et ingravescenti-
bus febribus, iam ibam et peribam. quo enim irem,
si liinc tunc abirem, nisi in ignem atque tormenta
digna factis meis in veritate ordinis tui ? et hoc ilia
nesciebat, et tamen pro me orabat absens. tu autem,
ubique praesens, ubi erat exaudiebas eam, et ubi eram
miserebaris mei, ut recuperarem salutem corporis
238

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

behind her ; with sorrow seeking, what she had chap.
brought forth in sorrow. But having at last made ^^^^
an end of accusing me of false and hard dealing with
her, she betook herself again to entreat thy favour
for me, and returned home: and I went on towards
Rome.

IX

Of a shrewd Fever thai he Jell into

But lo, there was I welcomed with the rod of bodily chap.
sickness, and I was even ready to go to hell, carrying ^^
with me all those sins which I had committed, both
against thee, and myself, yea, many and grievous
offences against others, over and above that bond of
original sin, whereby we all die in Adam. For thou
hadst not yet forgiven me any of them in Christ, nor
had he yet slain that enmity by his Cross which by Eph. ii. i(
mv sins 1 had incurred against thee : and how indeed
could he on the cross of a phantom, which was my
belief of it ? How false therefore the death of his flesh
• eemed unto me, so true was the death of my soul ; |
and how true the death of his body was, so false was /
the life of my soul, which did not believe the death
of his body. My fever now growing more violent
upon me, I was at the point of going and perishing :
for whither should 1 have gone, had I died at that
time, but into fire and torments such as my misdeeds
were worthy of in the truth of thy decree } Of all
this nothing knew my mother, yet continued she to
pray for me although in absence. But thou who art
present every where, heardest her where she was, and
hadst compassion upon me whereas I was ; so that I

239

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP- ddhuc insanus corde sacrilege, neque enim desi-
derabam in illo tanto periculo baptismum tuum^ et
melior eram puer, quo ilium de materna pietate flagi-
tavi, sicut iam recordatus atque confessus sum. sed
in dedecus meum creveram^ et consilia medicinae
tuae demens irridebam. qui non me sivisti talem bis
mori. quo vulnere si feriretur cor matris, numquam
sanaretur. non enim satis eloquor, quid erga me
habebat animi et quanto maiore sollicitudine me
paituriebat spiritu, quam carne pepereiat. non
itaque video, quomodo sanaretur, si mea talis ilia
mors transverberasset viscera dilectionis eius. et
ubi essent tantae preces, tam crebrae sine intermis-
sione ? nusquam nisi ad te. an vero tu, deus miseri-
cordiarum, sperneres cor contritum et humiliatum
viduae castae ac sobriae, frequentantis elemosynas,
obsequentis atque servientis Sanctis tuis, nullum diem
praetermittentis oblationem ad altare tuum, bis die,
mane et vespere, ad ecclesiam tuam sine uila inter-
missione vcnientis, non ad vanas fabulas et aniles
loquacitates, sed ut te audiret in tuis sermonibus et
tu illam in suis orationibus ? huiusne tu lacrimas,
quibus non a te aurum et argentum petebat nee ali-
quod nutabile aut volubile bonum, sed salutem animae
filii sui, tu, cuius munere talis erat, contemneres et
repelleres ab auxilio tuo ? nequaquam, domine, immo
240

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

recovered health of body thereupon, though sorely chjlp.
crazed as yet in my sacrilegious heart. For I had ^^
not in that danger desired thy baptism, and I was
better affected being but a youth when 1 had begged
it of my mother's devotion, as I have before recited and
confessed. But I had from thenceforth grown worse
and worse, to my own shame : and now stark mad I
scoffed at those precepts of that physic of thine, by
which thou wouldst not suffer me to die two deaths at
once : with which wound should my mother's heart
have been gored, it could never have been cured. For
I want words to express the affection she bare to-
wards me, and with how much vehementer anguish
she was now in labour of me in the spirit, than she
had been at her childbearing in the flesh. 1 cannot
possibly see, therefore, how she could have been
cured, had so unchristian a death of mine once
strucken through the bowels of her love. And where
should then have been those passionate prayers of
hers, so frequent and incessant in all places ? No-
where but with thee. But wouMst thou, O God of
Mercies, have despised that contrite and humble i Tim. v, i(
heart of that chaste and sober widow, so frequent in
alms-deeds, so obsequious and serviceable to thy
saints, who passed no day without her oblation at
thine Altar, never missing twice a day morning and
evening to come to church ; not to listen after idle
tales and old wives' chat, but that she might hear
thee speaking to her in thy sermons, and thou her,
in her prayers.'* Couldst thou despise and reject
without succour those tears of hers, with which she
begged no gold or silver of thee, nor any mutable or
fading good ; butihe salvation of her son's soul only .''
Couldst thou do it, by whose grace she was inspired
to do this? By no means, Lord. Yea, thou wcrt
1 g 241

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP. vero ad eras et exaudiebas et faciebas ordine, quo

IX

praedestinaveras esse faciendum, absit, ut tu falleres
earn in illis visionibus et responsionibus tuis, quae
iam commemoravi et quae iion commemoravi, quae
ilia fideli pectore tenebat et semper orans tamquam
chirographa tua ingerebat tibi, dignaris enim^quoniam
in saeculum misericordia tua, eis quibus omnia debita
dimittis, etiam promissionibus debitor fieri

X

CAP. Recreasti ergo me ab ilia aegritudine, et salvum
fecisti fiiiiim ancillae tiiae tunc interim corpore, ut
esset cui salntem meliorem atque certiorem dares, et
iungebar etiam tunc Romae falsis illis atque fallen-
tibus Sanctis : non enim tantum auditoribus eorum,
quorum e numero erat etiam is, in cuius domo aegro-
taverum et convalueram, sed eis etiam, quoselectos
, vocant. adhuc enim milii vidcbatur non esse nos,
qui peccamus, sed nescio quam aliam in nobis peccare
naturam, et delectabat superbiam meam extra culpam
esse, et cum aliquid mali fecissem, non confiteri me
fecisse, ut sanares animam meam, quoniam peccabat
242

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

still at hand, and thou heardest her, and thou didst CHAF
all in the selfsame order thou hadst predestinated ^^
it should be done in. Let it never be thought thou
shouldst deceive her in those visions and answers
she had of thee ; both those which I have already
mentioned, and those which I have not mentioned ;
all which she laid up in her faithful heart, wliich in
her pra^'ers ever and anon she would press thee
withal, as with thine own handwriting. For thou
(because thy mercy endureth for ever) vouchsafest
unto those whose debts thou forgivest thoroughly,
even to become a kind of debtor by thy promises.

His Errors before his receiving the Doctrine
of the Gospel

Thou recoveredst me therefore of that sickness, and chap
healedst the son of thy handmaid at that time in his ^
body, that he might remain, for thee to bestow upon
him a health far better and more certain. And I joined
myself in Rome even at that time with those deceiving
and deceived holy ones : not only with their disciples,
(of whom mine host was one, in whose house I fell sick
and recovered) but also with those whom they call
the elect. For 1 was hitherto of the opinion, that
it was not we ourselves tliat sinned, but I know not
what other nature in us; and it much delighted
my proud conceit, to be set outside of fault; and
when I had committed any sin, not to confess I had
ne any, that thou mi^htest heal my soul when

^]

had sinned against tliee : but I loved to excuse

24.3

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP. tibi^ sed excusare me amabam, et accusare nescio

X

quid aliud, quod niecum esset et ego non essem.
verum autem totum ego eram, et adversus me inpie-
tas mea me diviserat : et id erat peccatum insaiiabilius,
quo me peccatorem non esse arbitrabar ; et execrabilis
iiiiquitas, te, deus omnipotens, te in me ad perniciem
meani, quam me a te ad salutem, malle superari.

Nondiim ergo posueras custodiam ori meo et
ostium continentiae circum labia mea, ut non de-
clinaret cor meum in verba mala, ad excusandas
excusationes in peccatis cum horainibus operantibus
iniquitatem, et ideo adhuc combinabam cum electis
eorum : sed tamen desperans in ea falsa doctrina me
posse proficere, eaque ipsa, quibus, si nil melius re-
perirera, contentus esse decreveram, iam remissius
neglegentiusque retinebam.

~" Etenim suborta est etiara mihi cogitatio, piniden-
tiores illos ceteris f'uisse philosophos, quos Academicos
appellant, quod de omnibus dubitandum esse censue-
rant, nee aliquid veri ab homine comprehendi posse
decreverant. ita enim et milii liquido sensisse vide-
bantur, ut vulgo habentur, etiam illorum intentionem

-n^iondum intellegenti. nee dissimulavi eundem hospi-
tem meum reprimere a nimia fiducia, quam sensi euni
habere de rebus fabulosis, quibus Manichaei libri
pleni sunt, amicitia tamen eorum laniiliarius utebar
quam ceterorum hominum, qui in ilia haeresi non
244.

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

myself, and to accuse I know not what other corrup- chap.
tion that I bare about me, and that was not I. But ^
verily it was I myself altogether, and mine own
impiety had made the division in me : and that sin
of mine was the more incurable, for that I did not
judge myself to be a sinner; and most execrable
iniquity it was, that I had rather have thee, O God
Almighty, even thee I say, to be overcome by me to
mine own destruction, than myself to be overcome of
thee, to mine own salvation.

Thou hadst not yet therefore set a watch before Ps. cxu.
my mouth, and kept the door of my lips, that my ^' *
heart might not incline to wicked speeches, to the
making of those excuses of my sins with the men
that work iniquity : and even therefore continued I
still combined with their elect ones. But yet now
it were despairing much to profit myself in tliat
.Ise doctrine, even those opinions of theirs (Avith
'^hich if I could chance upon no better, I was resolved
'to rest contented) I began to be something more
remiss and careless in the holding.
^L For there rose a conceit in me that those philo-
^Rophers which they call Academics, should be wiser
^Khan the rest, for that they held men ought to make
^K doubt upon everything, and decreed that no truth
^Kan be comprehended by man : for thus to me they
pneemed clearly to have thought, as it is commonly
received, even though I did not yet understand their
leaning. And as free and open I was to dissuade that
lost of mine, from that too much cotifidence, which I
rceived him to settle upon those fabulous opinions
^hich the Manichees' books; are full of. And yet I
lade more familiar use of their friendship, than I
lid of other men's that were not of this heresy,
'et did I not maintain it with my ancient fire,

245

» sti

t

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V

CAi'. fuissent. nee earn defendebam pristina animositate,

sed tamen familiaritas eorum — plures enim eosRoma

occultabat— pigrius me faciebat aliud quaerere, prae-

/"Visertim desperantem in ecclesia tua, domine caeli et

terrae, creator omnium visibilium et invisibilium,

posse inveniri verum, unde me illi averterant : mul-

tumque mihi turpe videbatur credere figuram te

habere bumanae carnis, et membrorum nostroruni

'^ lineamentis corporalibus terminari. et quoniam cum

de deo rneo cogitare veil em, cogitare nisi moles cor-

O porum non noveram — neque enim videbatur mihi

esse quicquam, quod tale non esset — ea maxima et

_^ prope sola causa erat inevitabilis erroiis mei.

Hinc enim et mali substantiam quandam credebam
esse talem, et habere suam molem, tetram et deformem
f^] sive crassam, quam terram dicebant, sive tenuem atque
subtilem, sicuti est aeris corpus : quam malignam
mentem per illam terram repentem imaginantur. et
quia deum bonum nullam malam naturam creasse
qualiscumque me pietas credere cogebat, constitue-
bam ex adverso sibi duas moles, utramque infinitam,
sed malam angustius, bonam grandius, et ex hoc initio
pestilentioso me cetera sacrilegia sequebantur. cum
enim conaretur animus meus recurrere in catholicam
fidem, repercutiebatur, quia non erat oatholica fides,
quam esse arbitrabar. et magis pius mihi videbar,
si te, deus meus, cui confitentur ex me miserationes
246

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

but yet did my familiarity witii that sect (of whom chap.
Rome shelters many) make me slower to seek out ^
any other way : especially seeing I now despaired,

Lord of heaven and earth, Creator of all visible
and invisible things, to find the truth in thy Church,
which they had quite put me out of conceit with.
And it then seemed a very unseemly thing to believe
thee to have the shape of our human flesh, and to be
girt up in the bodily lineaments of our members.
And because that when I had a desire to meditate
upon my God, I knew not how to think of him. but as
of a bulk of bodies, (for that seemed to me not to be
anything, which was not such) this was the greatest,
and almost the only cause of my inevitable mis-
prision.

For hence it was that I believed evil to have been
a kind of substance, and had a bulk of earth belonging
to it, either deformed and gross, which they called
earth ; or else thin and subtle, (like the body of the
air): which they imagine to be some ill-natured mind
gliding through the earth. And for that I know
'not what imperfect piety, constrained me to believe
that the good God never created any evil nature ; I
i supposed two bulks, contrary to one another, both
infinite, but the evil to be lesser, and the good
larger : and out of this pestilent foundation, other
sacrilegious conceits followed uj)on me. For when
my mind endeavoured to have recourse back unto
the Catholic faith, I was still staved off again, for
that that indeed was not the Catholic faith which

1 believed to have been. And I thought myself
more reverent, if I should have believed thee, O my
God, (to whom thy mercies wrought in me do now
confess) to be infinite in other parts, although on that
side by which evil was set in opposition unto thee, I

247

k

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP. tuaC;, vel ex ceteris partibus infinitum crederem, quam-
vis ex una, qua tibi moles mali opponebatur, cogerer
finitum fateri, quam si ex omnibus partibus in cor-
poris humani forma te opinarer finiri. et melius
mihi videbar credere nullum malum te creasse — quod
mihi nescienti non solum aliqua substantia^^sed etiam
corporea videbatur, quia et mentem cogitare non
noveram nisi eam subtile corpus esse, quod tamen
per loci spatia diffunderetur — quam credere abs te
=*^sse qualem putabam naturam mali. ipsum quoque
salvatorem nostrum, unigenitum tuum, tamquam de
massa lucidissimae molis tuae porrectum ad nostram
salutem ita putabam, ut aliud de illo non crederem
nisi quod possem vanitate imaginari. talem itaque
naturam eius n^isci non posse de Maria virgine arbi-
trabar, nisi carni concerneretur. concern! autem et
non coinquinari non videbam, quod mihi tale figura-
bam. metuebam itaque credere incarnatum, ne cre-
dere cogerer ex carne inquinatum. nunc spiritales
tui blande et ainanter ridcbunt me, si has conf usiones
meas legeiuit; sed tamen tiilis eram.

248

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

was constrained to confess thee to be finite^ than if chap.
in all parts I should imagine thee to be finitely con- '^
eluded within the shape of an human body. And it
seemed safer for me to believe thee to have never
created any evil, (which to ignorant me seemed not
some substance only, but to be corporeal also : for
that I could not hit to think of any mind, unless it
should be a subtle body, and that diffused too through
space) than to believe anything could come from
thee of that condition, which I imagined the nature
of evil to be. Yea, and our Saviour himself, thy only
Begotten, I thought of as thrust out, as it were,
for our salvation, from the most bright mass of thy
Substance, in such a way that I could believe no other
thing of him, than that I was able to imagine by mine
own vain fancy. Such a nature therefore I thought
could never be born of the Virgin Maiy, unless it
were incorporated into her flesh : and how that which
I had on this fashion figured out to myself should be
incorporated, and not therewithal defiled, I saw not.
I feared therefore to believe Christ to be born in the
flesh, lest I should be enforced also to believe that
he was defiled by the flesh. Now will thy spiritual
children in a mild and loving manner laugh at me,
when they shall read these my confusions. But such
a man I then was.

249

S. A\"GVSTINI COXFESSIONVM LIBER \'

XI

CAP. Deinde quae ilii in scripturis tuis reprehenderaiit
defend! posse non exi>timabam : sed aliquando — i
capiebani cum aliquo iilonim libroruin doctissimo
conferre singula, et experiri, quid inde sentiret, iam
enim Elpidii cuiusdam adversus eosdein Manichaeos
coram loquentis et disserentis semiones etiam apud
Carthaginem movere me coeperant, cum talia de scnp-
turis proferret, quibus resisti non facile posset, et
inbecilla mihi responsio videbatur istorum ; quam
quidem non facile palam promebant, sed nobis secre-
tius : cum dicerent scripturas novi te>tamenti falsatas
fuisse a nescio quibus, qui ludaeoriim legem inserere
Christianae fidei voluenmt, atque ipsi iiicorrupta ex-
emplaria nulla proferrent. sed me maxime captum
et offocatum quodam modo, deprimebant corporalia
cogitantem moles illae. sub quibus anhelaiis in aumm
tuae veritatis liquidam et simplicem respirare non
I)oteram.

250

^T. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

XI

Hoiv he compared the Mrinichees' TeneU with
the Ca'holici

FuRTHERMORF, whatever these Manichees had found CHAP.
fault withal in thy Scriptures, I thought no possible ^^
to be defended : but yet verily had I a good will
now and then to confer upon these several points
with some man that were best skilled in those books,
and to make experience what he thought of the
matter. For the speech of one Elpidius, speaking
and disputing face to face against the said Manichees,
had already begun to stir me, even whilst I was at
Carthage: when namely he produced such texts out
of the Scriinures, wiiich were not easily to be with-
stood. And the Manichees' answer seemed but very
weak unto me : which answer they would not willingly
deliver in public hearing, but amongst ourselves only
in private : namely whenas they said, that the Scrip-
tures of the New Testament had been corrupted
by I know not whom, who were desirous to insert
the Law of the Jews into the Christian faith : whereas
themselves all tiiis while brought not out any copies
that had not been so corrupted. But me, strongly
captivated, and stifled, as it were, with ray thoughts
about these corporeal phantasies, did these bulks
keep down ; under which struggling for the breath
of thy truth, I was not able to take it in pure and
untainted.

I

251

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V

XII

CAP- Sedulo ergo agere coeperam, propter quod venerair
ut docerem Romae artem rhetoricam : et priiis doir
congregare aliquos, qiiibus et per quos innotescer
coeperam. et ecce cognosco alia Romae fieri, qua
non patiebar in Africa, nam re vera illas eversione
a perditis adulescentibus ibi non fieri mnnifestatun
est mihi : "sed subito " inquiunt " ne merceden
magistro reddant, conspirant multi adulescentes e
transferunt se ad alium, desevtores fidei et quibu
prae pecuniae caritate iustitia vilis est." oderat etian
istos cor meum, quamvis non perfecto odio. quoc
enim ab eis passurus eram, magis oderam fortass<
quam eo, quod cuilibet inlicita faciebant. certe tamei
turpes sunt tales, et fornicantur abs te, amaiido vola
tica ludibria temporum et lucrum luteum, quod cun
adprehenditur manum inquinat, et amplectend«
mundum fugientem, coiitenmendo te, nianentem e
revocantem, et ignoscentein nnh initi ad te ineretric
humanae aniniae. etnunc tales odi pravos et distor
tos, quamvis eos conigendos diligam, ut pecuniae
252

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

XII

The cunning Tricks put at Rome by Scholars upon
their Masters

Diligently therefore began I to put in practice chap.
that for which I came to Rome : that is, to teach ^^^
rhetoric : and first of all, to draw some to my
lodging, to whom, and through whose means, I
began to be made known abroad : when lo, I came to
know how that other misdemeanours were committed
in Rome, which I did not endure in Africa. For tJiose
overturnings, 'tis true, committed by desperate young
fellows, were not here practised, as it was plain to
me : " but yet, said they, to avoid payment of their
master's stipend, divers young scholars plot together,
and all on a sudden, to avoid due payment to
their masters, these promise-breakers, who for the
love of money make no account of just dealing,
remove themselves to another." These sharking
(Companions my heart hated also, though not with a Ps. cxxxix.
])erfect hatred : for I more hated them, perchance, ^^
lor that myself was to suffer by them, than for that
they played such dishonest pranks witii every man.
Such verily be but base fellows, and they play
false with thee, in loving these fleeting mockeries of
;he times, and in gripping after this dirty gain,
which when it is got hold of, bemires the hand ; and
n embracing this fleeing world, and in despising
■;hee, who abidest ever, and who callest back, and
^rantest pardon to man*s adulterated soul that returns
anto thee. And now I much hate such wicked
li^l^^per verse natures, though I could well love them

L

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP (loctrinam ipsam, quam discunt^ praeferant, ei vero
te, deum, veritatem et ubertatein certi boni et
pacem castissimam. sed tunc magis eos pati nole-
bam malos propter me, quam fieri propter te bonos
volebam.

XIII

CAP. Itaque posteaquam missum est a Mediolanio Romam

XIII

ad praefectum urbis, utilH civitati rhetoricae magister
provideretur, inpertita etiam evectione pubh'ca, ego
ipse ambivi, per eos ipsos Maniebaeis vanitatibus
ebrios — quibus ut carerem ibam, sed utrique nescie-
bamus — ut dictione proposita me probatum praefectus

_ tunc Symmachus mitteret. et veni Mediolanium ad
Ambrosium ej)iscopum, in optimis notum orbi terrae,
plum cultorem tuum,/ cuius tunc eloquia strenue
ministrabant adipeni frumenti tui, et laetitiam olei, et

^ sobriam vini ebrietatem, po})ulo tuo. ad eum autem
ducebar abs te nesciens, ut per eum ad te sciens
ducerer. suscepit me paterne ille homo dei et pere-
grinalioncm meam satis episcopaliter dilexit. et eum
amare coepi i)rimo quidem non tamquam doctoreni
254

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

were they to be amended ; that they might prefer chap.
learning before their money ; and above their learn- ^^^
ing esteem of thee, O God, the Truth and Fulness
of all assured good, and the most chaste peace. But
in those days I was even for mine own sake more
unwilling to bear with those that dealt ill with
me, than desirous that they should at last become
good for thy sake.

XIII

He goes io Milan to teach Rhetoric, and how
St. Ambrose there entertains him

I When therefore they of Milan had sent to Rome chap.
to the Prefect of the City, desiring to be furnished ^^^^
thence with a rhetoric master for their city, tak-
ing order also for the accommodating him in his
journey upon the public charges, I put on to stand
for the place, by means of those very men, drunken
with Manichean vanities, (to be rid of whom I went
away, yet did neither of us know it), and I procured
that upon my making a public oration for the place,
Symmachus (then Prefect of the City) should so far
approve of me, as to send me thither. Weil ; unto
Milan I came, to Bishop Ambrose, a man of the best
fame all the world over, and thy devout servant;
whose eloquent discourse did in those cays plentifully
dispense the fatness of thy wheat, the gladness of Ps. iv. 7,
thy oil, and the sober overflowings of thy wine, unto "^- ^*
the people. To him was I led by thee, unknowing,
that by him I might be brought to thee, knowing it.
That man of God entertained me fatherly, and ap-
proved of the cause of my coming, as became a bishop.
I thenceforth began to love him : not at first verily

255

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP. veri, quod in ecclesia tua prorsus desperabam, sed
tamquam hominem benignum in me. studiose audie-
bam disputantem in populo, non intentione, qua
debui, sed quasi explorans eius facundiam, utrura
conveniret fam.ie suae, an maior minorve proflueret,
quam praedicabatur ; et verbis eius suspendebar
intentus, rerum autem incuriosus et contemptor ad-
stabam : et delectabar sermonis suavitate, quamquam
eruditions, minus taraen hilarescentis atque mul-
centis, quam Fausti erat, quod attinet ad dicendi
modum.y^ ceterum rerum ipsarum nulla con para tio :
nam ille per Manichaeas fallaeias aberrabat, ille
autem saluberrime docebat salutem. sed longe est
a peccatoribus salus, qualis ego tunc aderam. et
tamen piopinquabam sensim, et nesciens.

XIV

CAP. Cum enim non satagerem discere quae dicebat, sed
tantum quemadmodum dicebat audire — ea mihi
quij)pe, desperanti ad te viam patere homini, inanis
cura remanserat — veniebant in animum meum simul
cum verbis, quae diligebam, res etiani, quas neglege-
bani neque enim ea dirimere poterani. et dum
256

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

as a teacher of the truth, (which I utterly despaired chap.
to find in thy Church), but as a man of courteous ^^^^
usage to me. I very diligently heard him preaching
to the people ; although, not with so good a frame
of mind as I ought, but as it were, trying his elo-
quence, whether it were answerable to the fame that
went of him, or whether the stream were more or
less than was said of him ; and I weighed every
word of his very attentively, but of the matter I
was careless and scornful. And verily with the
sweetness of his discourse I was much delighted :
which, however it were more learned, yet was it not
so pleasing and inveigling as Faustus his was, the
manner of the oratory I mean, though for the matter
there was no comparison. For Faustus did but rove
up and down amongst his Manichean fallacies; but
Ambrose taught salvation most soundly. But salva-
tion is far enough from sinners, such as I was at that
instant ; and yet I drew by little and little nearer
toward it ; but how, I knew not.

XIV

i'pun his hearing of St. Ambrose, he by little and
Utile falls off from his errors

For though I took little heed to hearken to what he chap.
spake, but merely to the way how he delivered them : -^^^
(for that empty care was now only left in me, I
despairing utterly to find a way how man should
come unto thee): yet together with his words which I
liked, the things also themsevos which I neglected,
stole in upon my mind ; for 1 knew not how to part
them : and whilst I opened my heart to entertain

I R 257

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAr. cor aperirem ad excipiendum, quam diserte diceret,
pariter intrabat et quam vera diceret, gradatim
jjuidem. nam primo etiam ipsa defendi posse mihi
iam coeperunt videri, et fidem catholicam, pro qua
nihil posse dici adversus oppugnantes Manichaeos
putaveram, iam non inpudenter asseri existimabam,
maxima audito uno atque altero, etsaepius aenigmate
soluto de scriptis veteribus, ubi, cum ad litteram
acciperem, occidebar. spiritaliter itaque plerisque
illorum librorum locis expositis, iam reprehendebam
desperationem meam illam dumtaxat, qua credideram
legem et prophetas detestantibus atque irridentibus
resisti omnino non posse.^ nee tamen iam ideo mihi
catholicam viam tenendam esse sentiebam ; quia et
ipsa poterat habere doctos adsertores sues, qui co-
piose et non absurde obiecta refellerent : nee ideo iam
damnandum illud_, quod tenebam, quia defensionis
partes aequabantur. ita enim catholica non mihi victa
videbatur, ut nondum etiam victrix appareret. tunc
vero fortiter intendi animum, si quo modo possem
certis aliquibus documentis Manichaeos convincere
i'alsitatis. quod si possem spiritalem substantiam
cogitare, statim machinamenta ilia omnia solverentur
et abicerentur ex animo meo : sed non poteram.
""^ V^erum tamen de ipso mundi huins corpore, omni-
que natura, quam seiisus cainis attingeret, multo
probabiliora plerosque sensisse philosophos magis
258

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

how eloquently he expressed it, there also entered with chap.
it, only by degrees, how truly he proved it. For first ^^^
of all the things began to appear unto me as possible
to be defended : and the Catholic faith, in defence of
which I thought nothing could be answered to the
Manichees' arguments, I now concluded with myself,
might well be maintained without absurdity : espe-
cially after I had heard one or two hard places of
the Old Testament resolved now and then ; which
when I understood literally, I was slain. Many places
therefore of those books having been spiritually
expounded, I blamed mine own desperate conceit,
whereby I had believed, that the Law and the
Prophets could no way be upheld against those that
hated and scorned them. Yet did I not resolve for
all this, that the Catholic way might be held safely ;
seeing it might have its teachers and maintainers,
which might be able both copiously and not absurdly,
to answer some objections made against it : nor yet
did I conceive that my former way ought to be con-
demned, because that both sides of the defence were
equal. For although the Catholic party seemed to
me not to be overthrown, yet it appeared not to be
altogether victorious. Earnestly hereupon did I bend
my mind, to see if it were possible upon certain proofs
to convince the Manichees of falsehood : and could I
but once have taken into my thoughts that there
should be any spiritual substance, all their strongholds
had been beaten down, and cast utterly out of my
mind ; but I was not able.

Notwithstanding, concerning the body of this
world, and the whole frame of nature, which the
senses of our flesh can reach unto, I now more
seriously considering upon, and comparing things
together, judged divers of the Philosophers to have

259

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER V
CAP. magisque considerans atque comparans iudicabam.
"itaque Academicorum more, sicut existiniantur,
dubitans de omnibus atque inter omnia fluctuans,
^Manichacos quidem relinquendos esse decrevi ; non
arbitrans eo ipso tempore dubitationis meae in ilia
seeta mihi permanendum esse, cui iam nonnullos
philosophos praeponebam : qiiibus tamen philosophis,
quod sine salutari nomine Christi essent, cura-
tionem languoris animae meae conmittere
omnino recusabam. statui ergo tamdiu
esse catechumenus in catholica
ecclesia mihi a parentibus
conmendata, donee ali-
quid certi eluceret,
quo cursum
dirigereni.

260

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK V

held much the more probable opinions. After the chap.
manner therefore of the Academics (as they are ^^^
supposed) doubting now of everything, and wavering
up and down between all, I absolutely resolved, that
the Manichees were to be abandoned ; judging in
that very time of my doubt, that I could not safely
continue in that sect, before which I now preferred
divers of the Philosophers : to which Philosophers
notwithstanding, for that they were without the
saving Name of Christ, I utterly refused to commit
the curing of my languishing soul. This there-
fore I determined, so long to be a cate-
chumen in the Catholic Church, (which
had been so much commended
unto me by my parents) till
such time as some certain
mark should appear,
whereto I might
steer my
course. •

«6l

^

BOOK VI

LIBER SEXTVS
I

CAF. Spes mea a iuventute inea^ ubi mihi eras et quo
recesseras ? an vero non tu feceras me, et dis-
creveras me a quadrupedibus, et volatilibus caeli
sapientiorem me feceras ? et ambulabam per tene-
bras et lubricum, et quaerebam te foris a me, et non
inveniebam deiim cordis mei ; et veneram in pro-
fundum maris et diffidebam et desperabam de in-
ventione veri. iam venerat ad me mater pietate
fortis, terra marique me sequens, et in periculis om-
nibus de te secura. nam et per marina discriminn
ipsos nautas consolabatur, a quibus rudes abyssi
viatoreSj cum perturbantur, consolari solent, pollicens
eis perventionem cum salute, quia hoc ei tu per
visum pollicitus eras, et invenit me periclitantem
quidem graviter desperatione indagandae veritatis:
sed tamen ei cum indicassem non me quidem iam esse
Manichaeum, sed neque Catholicum Christianum,
non, quasi inopinatum aliquid audierit, exiluit laetitia,
cum iam secura fieret ex ea parte miseriae meae, in
qua me,tamquammortuum, resuscitandum tibiflebat,
264-

THE SIXTH BOOK

How St. Augusthie was neither Mmiichee, nor
good Catholic

O THOU my Hope even from my youth, where wert chap
thou all this while, and whither wert thou gone ? ^
For hadst not thou created me, and set a distinction
betwixt me and the beasts of the field, and made
me wiser than the fowls of the air? Yet did I
wander through the dark, and over the slippery,
and I groped out of myself after thee, but found not
the God of my heart ; and drew near even to the
bottom of the sea, and I distrusted, and despaired
of ever finding out the truth. By this time came my
mother unto me, (whom motherly piety had m.ade
adventurous) following me over sea and land, confi-
dent upon thee in all perils. For in the dangers upon
the sea, she comforted even the mariners, (by whom
the inexperienced passengers of the deep, use rather
to be comforted) assuring them of a safe landing :
because so much hadst thou assured her by a vision.
She found me grievously endangered by a despair
of ever finding out the truth. But when I had
once discovered to her that I was no longer now a
Manichee, nor fully yet a Catholic Christian, she
did not leap for joy, as if she had heard of some
unlooked-for news, seeing she had been satisfied
before concerning that part of my misery, for
which she bewailed me, as one dead, but as if
there were good hopes of his reviving : laying me

265

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAT et feretro cogitatioiiis ofFerebat, ut diceres filio
viduae ; luvenis, tibi dico, surge : et revivesceret
et inciperet loqui^ et traderes ilium matri suae,
nulla ergo turbulenta exultatione trepidavit cor
eius^ cum audisset ex tanta parte iam factum, quod
tibi cotidie plangebat ut fieret, veritatem me non-
dum adeptum, sed falsitati iam ereptum : immo
vero quia certa erat et quod restabat te daturum,
qui totum promiseras, placidissime et pectore pleno
fiduciae respoiidit mihi, credere se in Christo, quod
priusquam de hac vita emigraret_, me visura esset
jWelem catholicumy et hoc quidem mihi. tibi
autem, fons misericordiarum, preces et lacrimas
densiores, ut accelerares adiutorium et inluminares
tenebras meas : et studiosius ad ecclesiam currere et
in Ambrosi ora suspendi, ad fontem salientis aquae
_ in vitam aeternam. diligebat autem ilium viruni
sicut angelum dei^ quod per ilium cognoverat me
interim ad illam ancipitem fluctuationem iam esse
perductunij per quam transiturum me ab aegritudine
ad sanitatem, intercurrente artiore periculo, quasi per
accessionem, quam criticam medici vocant, certa
praesumebat.

266

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

forth upon the bier before thee^ that thou mightest chap.
say unto the son of the widow. Young man, I say ^
unto thee, arise ; and he should sit up, and begin to Luke vii. 14
speak, and thou shouldest deliver him to his mother.
Her heart, therefore, panted not in any tumultuous
kind of rejoicing, when she heard that to be already
in so great part done, which she daily with tears
desired of thee might be wholly done ; namely, that
though I had not yet attained the truth, yet that 1
was rescued from falsehood. Yea, rather, for that
she was most certain, that thou wouldst one day per-
form the rest, who hadst promised the whole ; most
calmly, and with an heart full of confidence, she
replied unto me ; how she believed in Christ, that she
should yet before she died, see me a true Catholic.
And thus much said she to me. But to thee, O
Fountain of Mercies, poured she forth more frequent
prayers and tears, that thou wouldst hasten thy help,
and enlighten my darkness : and more eagerly than
ever would she run unto the church, and hang upon
the lips of Ambrose, as a fountain of water that
springeth up into life everlasting. For that man
she loved as an angel of God, because she had heard
that I had been brought by him in the mean time to
that doubtful state of faith I was now in ; and she
felt sure that through this I was to pass from sickness
unto health, some sharper conflict coming between,
in another fit, as it were, which the physicians call
crisis.

267

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI

II

c AP, Itaque cum ad memorias sanctorum, sicut in Africa
II

solebat, pultes et panem et merum adtulisset, atque

ab ostiario prohiberetur : ubi hoc episcopum vetuisse
cognovit, tarn pie atque oboedienter amplexa est, ut
ipse mirarer, quam facile accusat: ix potius consuetu-
dinis suae quam disceptatrix illius prohibitionis effecta
sit. non enim obsidebat spiritum eius vinulentia
eamque stimulabat in odium veri amor vini, sicut
plerosque mares et feminas, qui ad canticum sobrie-
tatis sicut ad potionem aquatam madidi nausiant.
sed ilia cum attulisset canistrum cum sollemnibus
epulis, jjraegustandis atque largiendis, plus etiam
quam unum pocillum pro suo palato satis sobrio tem-
peratum, unde dignationem sumeret, non ponebat : et
si multae essent quae illo modo videbantur honoran-
dae memoriae defunctorum, idem ipsum unum, quod
ubique poneret, circumferebat, quo iam non solum
aquatissimo, sed etiam tepidissimo cum suis praesen-
tibus per sorbitiones exiguas partiretur, quia pietatem
ibi quaerebat, non voluptatem.
268

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

II

His Mother is turned from her cotaiti-y
Superstitions

Whenas my mother therefore had one time brought chap.
unto the oratories erected in memory of the saints, as ^^
she was wont to do in Africa, certain cheesecakes,
and bread and wine ; and had been forbidden to do
it by the sexton : so soon as ever she knew that the
Bishop had forbidden this, she did so piously and
obediently embrace the motion, that I myself won-
dered at it, that she should so easily be brought
rather to blame her own country-custom, than to
call the present countermand in question. For no
wine bibbing besotted her spirit, nor did the love of
wine provoke her to the hatred of the truth, as it
doth to many, both men and women, who being a ceriaia dis-
little whittled once, turn the stomach at a song of orders at
sobriety, as they would do at a draught of water, i/ai feasts"
But she, when she had brought her basket of these had caused
usual junkets, which she meant to eat a little of ^ ^^^"^^'^^ °*
first, and to give the rest away ; never used to allow p^t^n their
herself above one small pot of wine, well allayed place
with water, for her own sober palate, whence she
might sip a mannerly draught. And if there were
many oratories of the departed saints, that ought
to be honoured in like manner, she still carried the
selfsame pot about with her, to be used every-
where, which should not only be low allayed with
water, but very lukewarm with carrying about : and
this would she distribute to those that were about
her by small sups : for she came to those places to
seek devotion, and not pleasure.

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI

CAP, Itaque ubi comperit a praeclaro praedicatore atque
II . « . . /. .

antistite pietatis praeceptum esse^ ista non hen, nee

ab eis qui sobrie facerent^ ne uUa occasio se ingurgi-
tandi daretur ebriosis ; et quia ilia quasi parentalia
superstitioni gentilium essent simillima, abstinuit se
libentissime : et pro canistro pleno terrenis fructi-
bus, plenum purgatioribus votis pectus ad memorias
martyrum afferre didicerat^ ut et quod posset daret
egentibus, et sic communicatio dominici corporis illic
celebraretur, cuius passionis imitatione immolati et
corona ti sunt m arty res.

Sed tamen videtur mihi^ domine deus meus — et ita
est in conspectu tuo de hac re cor meum — non facile
fortasse de hac amputanda consuetudine matrem
raeam fuisse cessuram, si ab alio prohiberetur, quern
non sicut Ambrosium diligebat. quern propter sal li-
tem meam maxima diligebat, eam vero ille, propter
eius religiosissimam conversationem, qua in bonis
operibus tarn fervens spiritu frequentabat ecclesiam,
ita ut saepe erumperet, cum me videret, in eius
praedicationem^ gratulans mihi, quod talem matrem
^ haberem, nesciens^, qualem ilia filium;, qui dubitabam
de illis omnibus et inveniri posse viam vitae mininie
putabam.

270

f

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

So soon therefore as she found this custom to be chap,
countermanded by that most famous preacher, and ^^
the most pious prelate Ambrose, yea, forbidden even
to those that would use it but soberly, that so no
occasion of riot might thereby be given to such as
loved drinking too well ; and for that these funeral
anniversary feasts, as it were, in honour of our dead
fathers, did too nearly resemble the superstition of
the Gentiles, she most willingly forbare it ever after :
and instead of a basket filled with the fruits of the
earth, she now had learned to present a breast re-
plenished with purer petitions, at the oratories of the
Martyrs ; that she might give away what she could
spare among the poor, and that the Communion of
the Lord's Body might in that place be rightly cele-
brated, where, after the example of his Passion, these
Martyrs had been sacrificed and crowned.

But for all this it seems to me, O Lord my God,
and thus thinks my heart of it in thy sight : that
my mother would not easily have given way to the
breaking of her country-custom, had it been for-
bidden her by some other man, whom she had not
loved so well as she did Ambrose ; whom in regard
of my salvation, she very entirely affected, and he
her again, for her most religious conversation, whereby
so full of good works, so fervent in the spirit, she
frequented the church. Yea, so well he affected her,
that he would very often when he saw me, break
forth into her praises ; congratulating with me, in
that I had such a mother : little knowing in the mean
time what a son she had of me ; who doubted of all
these things, and least of all imagined the way to life
could possibly be found out.

■

271

S. AVGVSTINI CQNFESSIONVM LIBER VI

III

CAP. Nec iara ingemescebam orando, ut subvenires mihi,
sed ad quaerendum intentus et ad disserendum in-

^_^uietus erat animus meu^ipsumque Ambrosium feli-
cem quendam hominem secundum saeculum opinabar,
quem sic tantae potestates honorarent : caelibatus
tantum eius mihi laboriosus videbatur. quid autem
ille spei gereret^ adversus ipsius excellentiae tempta-
menta quid luctaminis haberet^ quidve solaminis in
adversis, et occultum os eius^ quod erat in corde
eius, quam sapida gaudia de pane tuo ruminaret, nec
conicere noveram nec expertus eram. ue^c ille scie-
bat aestus meos, nec foveam periculi mei. non enim
quaerere ab eo poteram quod volebam, sicut volebam,
secludentibus me ab eius aure atque ore catervis
negotiosorum hominuni, quorum infirmitatibus servie-
bat : cum quibus quando non erat, quod perexiguum
temporis erat, aut corpus reficiebat necessariis sus-

^entaculis aut Icctione animum. sed cum legebat,
oculi ducebantur per paginas et cor intellectumrima-
batur, vox autem et lingua quiescebant. saepe, cum
adessemus — non enim vetabatur quisquam ingredi
aut ei venientem nuntiari mos erat — sic eum leffen-
tern vidimus tacite et aliter numquam, sedentesque in
diuturno silentio — quis enim tarn intento esse oneri
^272

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK Vl

II

The Employments and Studies of St. Ambrose

Nor did I hitherto groan in my prayers that thou chap
wouldest help me ; but my unquiet mind was alto- ^^^
gether intentive to seek for learning, and to dispute
upon it. As for Ambrose himself, I esteemed him a
very happy man according to the world, whom per-
sonages of such authority so much honoured ; only I
his remaining a bachelor seemed a painful course !
unto me. But what hopes he carried about him, what
strugglings he felt against the temptations his very \
eminence was subject unto, or what comfort he found ^
in his adversities, and how savoury joys that mouth
hidden in his heart fed upon in thy Bread, I neither
knew how to guess at, nor had I yet any feeling of.
As little on the other side knew he of my private
heats, nor of the pit of my danger. For I had not
the opportunity to make my demands unto him, what
I would, or how 1 would ; for that multitude of people
full of business, whose infirmities he gave up himself
unto, debarred me both from hearing and speaking
with him. With whom when he was not taken up,
(which was but a little time altogether) he either
refreshed his body with necessary sustenance, or his
mind with reading. But when he was reading, he
drew his eyes along over the leaves, and his heart
searched into the sense, but his voice and tongue were
silent. Ofttimes when we were present (for no man
was debarred of coming to him, nor was it his fashion
to be told of anybody that came to speak with him) we
still saw him reading to himself, and never otherwise :
io that having long sat in silence (for who durst be so
I s 273

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. aiideret? — discedebamus: etconiectabamuseumparvo

III IT..

ipso tempore, quod reparandae menti suae nancisce-
batur, feriatum ab strepitu causarumalienarum, nolle
in aliud avocari ; et cavere fortasse, ne auditore sus-
pense et intento, si qua obscurius posuisset ille quern
legeret, etiam exponere esset necesse aut de aliqui-
bus difficilioribus dissevtare quaestionibus ; atque huic
operi tempovibus impensis minus quam vellet volu-
minum evolveret : quamquam et causa servandae
vocis, quae illi facillime obtundebatur, poterat esse
iustior tacite legendi. quolibet tamen animo id
ageret, bono utique ille vir agebat.
^ Sed certe mihi nulla dabatur copia sciscitandi quae
cupiebam de tarn sancto oraculo tuo, pectore illius,
nisi cum aliquid breviter esset audiendum. aestus
autem illi mei otiosum eum valde_, cui refunderentui^,
requirebant, nee umquaminveniebant. et eumquidem
in populo verbum veritatis recte tractantem omni die
dominico audiebam ; et magis magisque mihi con-
firmabatur omnes versutarum calumniarum nodos,
quos illi deceptores nostri adversus divinos libros in-
nectebantj posse dissolvi. ubi vero etiam conperi ad
imaginem tiiam hominem a te factum ab spiritalibus
filiis tuis, quos de matre catholica per gratiam re-
generasti, non sic intellegi, ut humani corporis forma
te terminatum^ crederent atque cogitarent^ quamquam

1 MSS. determinatuiii.
274

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

bold as to interrupt him, so intentive to his study?) CiiAP
we were fain to depart. We conjectured, that the ^^^
small time which he gat for the repairing of his mind,
he retired himself from the clamour of other men's
businesses, being unwilling to be taken off for any
other employment : and he was wary perchance too,
lest some hearer being struck into suspense, and eager
upon it, if the author he read should deliver anything
obscurely, he should be put to it to expound it, or to
discuss some of the harder questions ; so that spend-
ing away his time about this work, he could not turn
over so many volumes as he desired : although per-
adventure the preserving of his voice (which a little
speaking used to weaken) might be a just reason for
his reading to himself. But with what intent soever

(e did it, that man certainly had a good meaning
lit.
But verily no opportunity could I obtain of pro-
ounding my demands, as I desired, to that so holy
an oracle of thine, his breast, unless the thing might
be heard very briefly. But those commotions in me,
required to find him at his best leisure, that I might
pour them out before him ; but never could they find
him so. Yet heard I him every Sunday, preaching
the word of truth rightly to the people : by which
that apprehension of mine was more and more con-
firmed in me, that all those knots of crafty calumnies,
which those our deceivers had knit in prejudice of
the Holy Books, might well enough be untied. ^ But
so soon as I understood withal, that man, created
by thee after thine own image, was not so under-
stood by thy spiritual sons, (whom of our Catholic
Mother thou hast regenerated by thy Grace) as if
they once believed or imagined thee to be confined
in an human shape: although I had not the least

t^75

S. AVG\ STINI CONFESSIONViM LIBER VI
CAP. quomodo se habevet spiritalis substantia, ne qiiidem
tenuiter atque aenigmate suspicabar, tamen gaudens
erubiii non me tot annos adversus catholicam fidem_,
sed contra carnalium cogitationum figmenta latrasse.
eo quippe temerarius et impius fueram, quod ea quae
debebam quaerendo discere, accusando dixeram. tu
autem, altissime et proxime, secretissime et praesen-
tissime^ cui membra non sunt alia maiora et alia
minora^ sed ubique totus es et nusquam locorum es,
non es utique forma ista corporea^ tamen fecisti homi-
nem ad imaginem tuam, et ecce ipse a capite usque
ad pedes in loco est.

IV

CAP. Cum ergo nescirem, quomodo haec subsisteret imago

tua, pulsans proponerem, quomodo credendum esset^

non insultans opponerem^ quasi ita creditum esset.

tanto igituracrior cura rodebat intima mea, quid certi

retinerem, quanto me magis pudebat, tam diu inlusum

et d( ccptum promissione certorum^ puerili errore et

animositate tam multa incerta quasi certa garrisse.

quod enim falsa essent, postea mihi claruit. certum

tamen erat, ([iiod incerta essent et a me aliquando
276

1

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VT

suspicion^ nor so much as a confused notion^ in what CHAP,
strange manner a spiritual substance should be : yet ^^^
blushing did I rejoice, that I had not so many years
barked against the Catholic faith, but against the
fictions of carnal imaginations. But herein had I been
rash and impious, that what I ought to have learned
by inquiry, 1 had spoken of as condemning. For thou,
O the most High, and the most Near ; the most Secret
and yet the most present with us ; hast not such
limbS; of which some be bigger, and some smaller ;
but art wholely everywhere, circumscribed in no cer-
tain place ; nor art thou of such corporeal shape ;
yet hast thou made man after thine own image, and
behold from head to foot is he contained in space.

I Of the Letter and the Spirit

EiNG thus ignorant therefore in what manner this chap.
image of thine should subsist ; I should have knocked i^'
and propounded the doubt, how that was to be
believed ; not triumphingly to have opposed against
it, as if it were so believed. The anxiety therefore
of resolving what certainty I was to hold, did so much
the more sharply even gnaw my very bowels, by how
much the more ashamed I was, that having been so
long deceived by the promise of certainties, I had
with a childish error and rashness, prated up and down
of so many uncertainties, and that as confidently as
if they had been certainties. For that they were mere
falsehoods, it clearly appeared to me afterwards : yet
even already was I certain, that they were at least

277

I

IV

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAi'. pro ceitis habita fuissent^ cum catholicam tuam
caecis contentionibus accusarem^ etsi nondum com-
pertam vera docentem, non tamen ea docentem,
quae graviter accusabam. itaque confundebar et
convertebar, et gaudebam^ deus meus, quod ecclesia
uiiica^ corpus uiiici tui, in qua mihi nomen Christi
infanti est inditum, non saperet infantiles nugas ;
neque hoc haberet in doctrina sua sana, quod te
creatorem omnium in spatium loci, quamvis summum
et amplum, tamen undique temiinatum, membrorum
humanorum figura contruderet.

Gaudebam etiam^ quod vetera scripta legis et pro
phetarum iam non illo oculo mihi legenda propone-
rentur, quo antea videbantur absurda, cum arguebam
tamquam ita sentientes sanctos tuos ; verum autem
non ita sentiebant. et tamquam regulam diligentis-
sime conmendaret, saepe in popularibus sermonibus
suis dicentem Ambrosium laetus audiebam : Littera
occidit^ spiritus autem vivificat, cum ea, quae ad
litteram perversitatem docere videbantur, remoto
mystico velamento spiritaliter aperiret, non dicens
quod me offenderet, quamvis ea diceret, quae utrum
^vera essent adhuc ignorarem. tenebam cor meum ab
omni adsensione, timens praecipitium ; et suspendio
magis necabar. volebam enim eorum quae non vi-
derem ita me certum fieri, ut certus essem, quod
septem et tria decern sint. neque enim tam insanus
27a

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

uncertain^ and that I had all this while believed them chap.
for certain ; whenas, namely out of a blind and con- ^^
tentious humour, I accused thy Catholic Church,
which though I had not yet found to teach truly, yet
found I it not to teach what I heartily accused it for
teaching. In this manner was I first confounded, and
then converted : and I much rejoiced, O my God, that
thy only Church, the Body of thine only Son, (wherein
^ the name of Christ had been put upon me being yet
an infant), did not relish these childish toys ; nor
maintained any such tenets in her sound doctrine as
to crowd up the Creator of this all under the shape
of human members, into any proportions of a place,
which, though never so great and so large, should yet
be terminated and surrounded.

And for this I rejoiced also, for that the Old
Scriptures of the Law and the Prophets, were laid
before me now, to be perused, not with that eye to
which they seemed most absurd before, whenas I
misliked thy holy ones for thinking so and so : but
indeed they did not think so. And with joyful heart
I heard Ambrose in his sermons to the people, most
diligently oftentimes recommend this text for a rule
unto them. The letter killeth, but the spirit giveth j Cor. iii. 6
life : whilst those things which taken according to
the letter seemed to teach perverse doctrines, he
spiritually laid open to us, having taken off the veil
of the mystery ; teaching nothing in it that offended
me, though such things he taught, as I knew not yet
whether they were true or not. For I all this while
kept my heart firm from assenting to anything, fearing
to fall headlong ; but by this hanging in suspense I
was the worse killed : for my whole desire was to be
made so well assured of those things which I saw

tl was certain that seven and three make ten.
279

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. eram, ut ne hoc quidem putarem posse conprehendi,
sed sicut hoc, ita cetera ciipiebam, sive corporalia, quae
coram sensibus meis non adessent, sive spiritalia, de
^ quibus cogltare nisi corporaliter nesciebam. et sanari
credendo poterarn, ut purgatior acies mentis meae
dirigeretur aliquo modo in veritatem tuam, semper
manentem et ex nullo deficientem ; sed, sicut e venire
assolet, ut mahim medicum expertus etiam bono
timeat se conmittere, ita erat valetudo animae meae,
quae utique nisi credendo sanari non poterat, et ne
falsa crederet, curari recusabat, resistens manibus
tuis, qui medicamenta fidei confecisti, et sparsisti
super morbos orbis terrarum, et tantam ilhs auctori-
tatem tribuisti.

CAP. Ex hoc tamen quoque, iam praeponens doctrinam
Catholicam, modestius ibi minimeque fallaciter sentie-
bam iuberi, ut crederetur quod non demonstrabatur — |
sive esset quid, sed cui forte non esset, sive nee quid
esset — quam illic temeraria pollicitatione scientiae
credulitatem inrideri, et postea tam multa fabulosis-
sima et absurdissima, quia demonstrari non poterant,
280

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

For I was not so mad yet, as to think that not even chap.
this last proposition might by demonstration be com- ^^
prehended : but I desired to have other things as
clearly demonstrated as this ; both those things cor-
poreal which were not present before my senses ; and
spiritual, whereof I knew not yet how to conceive,
but after a corporeal manner. But by believing
might I have been cured, that so the eyesight of my
soul being cleared, might some way or other have
been directed toward thy truth, which is the same
eternally, and in no point failing. But as it happens
usually to him that having had experience of a bad
physician, is fearful afterwards to trust himself with
a good : so it was with the state of my soul, which
could no ways be healed but by believing ; and lest
it should believe falsehoods, it refused to be cured :
resisting in the mean time thy hands, who first pre-
pared for us the medicines of faith, and hast applied
them to the diseases of the whole world, and given
unto them so great authority.

Of the Aidkoriiij and necessary Use oj' the
'Holy Bible

From henceforth therefore I began first of all to chap,
esteem better of the Catholic doctrine, and also to ^
think that it did with more modesty, and without any
deceit, command that to be believed, which was not
demonstrated (whether it could be so, but not to
all, or whether it could not), than the Manichecs'
doctrine, which with its rash promise of great know-
ledge, exposed my easiness of belief first of all unto
derision, and afterwards commanded me to believe so

281

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. credenda imperari. I deinde paulatim tu, domine,
manu mitissima et misericordissiraa pertractans et
conponens cor meunij consideranti, quam innume-
rabilia crederem^ quae non viderem neque cum gere-
rentur affuissem :^icut tarn multa in historia gentium^
tarn multa de locis atque urbibus^ quae non videram,
tam multa amicis, tarn multa medicis^ tarn multa
hominibus aliis atque aliis, quae nisi crederentur,
omnino in liac vita nihil ageremus, postremo quam
inconcusse fixum fide retinerem, de quibus parentibus
ortus essemj quod scire non possem, nisi audiendo

credidissem : persuasisti mihi, non qui crederent libris

tuiSj quos tanta in omnibus fere gentibus auctoritate
fundasti, sed qui non crederent^ esse culpandos j| nee
audiendos esse, si qui forte mi hi dicereiit : '' unde scis
illos libros unius veri et veracissimi dei spiritu esse
humano generi ministratos ? " id ipsum enim maxime
credendum erat : quoniam nulla pugnacitas calura-
niosarum quaestionum, per tam multa quae legeram
inter seconfligentium philosophorum^extorquere mihi
potuit, ut aliquando non crederem te esse quidquid
esses, quod ego nescirem, aut administrationem rerum
humanarum ad te pertinere.
— Sed id credebam aliquando robustius, aliquando
exilius, semper tamen credidi et esse te et curam
nostri gerere, etiamsi ignorabam vel quid sentiendum
282

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

many most fabulous and absurd things, because they chap
could not be demonstrated. Next of all, thou Lord, ^'
by little and little, with a gentle and most merciful
hand working and rectifying my heart ; even Avhile I
took into my consideration how innumerable things I
otherwise believed, which I had never seen, nor was
present at while they were in doing : like as those
many reports in the history of several nations, those
many relations of places and of cities, which I had
never seen : so many reports likewise of friends, so
many of physicians, so many of these and these
men, which unless we should believe, we should do
nothing at all in this life : last of all, I considered,
with how unalterable assurance I believed of what /
parents I was descended ; which I could not other- j
wise come to know, had I not believed it upon hear- j
say : persuadedst me at last, that not they who be- •
lieved thy Bible, (which with so great authority thou
hast settled among all nations) but those who be-
lieved it not, were to be blamed, nor were those
men to be listened unto, who would say perchance.
How knowest thou those Scriptures to have been
imparted unto mankind by the Spirit of the only
true and most high God? For this fundamental
point was above all the rest to be believed ; because
no wrangles of all those cavilling questions, whereof
I had read so much amongst the Philosophers con-
tradicting each other, could so far enforce me, as
that I should at any time not believe thee to be
whatsoever thou wert, (though what I knew not) or
that the government of human businesses should
not belong unto thee.

Thus much though I sometimes believed more
strongly, and more weakly other whiles, yet I ever
believed, both that thou wert God, and hadst a

283

S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. esset de substantia tiia, vel quae via duceret aut
reduceret ad te. ideoque cum essemus infirmi ad in-
veniendam liquida ratione veritatem, et ob hoc nobis
opus esset auctoritate sanctarum litterarum, lam cre-
dere coeperam nullo modo te fuisse tributurum tarn
excellentem illi scripturae per omnes lam terras
auctoritatem, nisi et per ipsam tibi credi et per ipsam
te quaeri voluisses. iam enim absurditatem, quae me
in illis litteris solebat ofFendere, cum multa ex eis
probabiliter exposita audissem, ad sacramentorum
altitudinem referebam ; eoque mihi ilia venerabilior et
sacrosancta fide dignior apparebat auctoritas, quo et
omnibus ad legendum esset in promptu, et secreti sui
dignitatem in intellectu profundiore servaret, verbis
apertissimis et humillimo genere loquendi se cunctis
praebens^ et exercens intentionem eorum^ qui non
sunt leves corde ; ut exciperet omnes populari sinu, et
per angusta foramina paucos ad te traiceret, multo
tamen plures, quam si nee tanto apice auctoritatis
emineret, nee turbas gremio sanctae humilitatis hau-
riret. cogitabam haec et aderas mihi^ suspirabam et
audiebas me, fluctuabam et gubernabas me, ibam per
viam saeculi latam nee deserebas.

284

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

care of us, though I were utterly ignorant, either
what was to be thought of thy substance, or what way
led or brought back again towards thee. Seeing
therefore mankind would prove too weak to find out
the truth by the way of evident reason, and for this
cause was there need of the authority of Holy Writ :
I began now to believe that thou wouldst by no means
have stated such excellency of authority upon that
book all the world over, had it not been thy express
pleasure to have thine own self both believed in
by means of it, and sought by it also. For those
absurdities which in those Scriptures were wont to
offend me, after I had heard divers of them ex-
pounded probably, I referred now to the depth of
the mystery : yea, and the authority of that Book
appeared so much the more venerable, and so much
the more worthy of our religious credit, by how much
the readier at hand it was for all to read upon, pre-
serving yet the majesty of the secret under the pro-
foundness of the meaning, offering itself unto all in
words most open, and in a style of speaking most
humble, and exercising the attention of such as are
not light of heart; that it might by that means
receive all into its common bosom, and through
narrow passages, waft over some few towards thee :
yet are these few a good many more than they
would have been, had it not obtained the eminency
of such high authority, nor allured on those com-
panies with at bosom of holy humility. These things
then I thought upon, and thou wert with me : I
sighed, and thou heardest me : I wavered up and
down, and thou didst guide me : I wandered through
the broad way of this world, yet didst thou not
forsake me.

285

c„^

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI

VI

CAP. Tnhiabam honoribiis, hicris, coniugio^ et tu inridebas.
patiebar in eis cupiditatibus amarissimas difficultates,
te propitio tanto magis, qiianto minus sinebas mihi
dulcescere quod non eras tu. vide cor meum,
domine, qui voluisti, ut hoc recordarer et confiterer
tibi. nunc tibi inhaereat anima mea, quam de visco
tarn tenaci mortis exuisti. quam misera erat ! et
sensum vulneris tu pungebas, ut relictis omnibus
converteretur ad te, qui es super omnia et sine quo
nulla essent omnia, converteretur et sanaretur. quara
ergo miser eram, et quomodo egisti, ut sentirem
miseriam meam, die illo, quo, cum pararem recitare
imperatori laudes, quibus plura mentirer, etmentienti
faveretur ab scientibus, easque curas anhelaret cor
meum et cogitationum tabificarum febribus aestuaret,
transiens per quendam vicum Mediolanensem, animad-
verti pauperem mendicum,iam, credo, saturum iocan-|
tern atque laetantem. et ingemui et locutus sum cum
amicis, qui mecum erant, multos dolores insaniarura
nostrarum ; quia omnibus talibus conatibus nostris,
286

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

VI

The Miseiy of the ambitious, shew?i hy the example
of a Beggar

I GAPED after honours, gains, wedlock ; and thou chap.
laughedst at me. In these desires of mine I under- ^ ^
went most bitter hardships : wherein thou wert so
much the more gracious unto me, as thou didst less
suffer anything to grow sweet unto me, which was
not thou thyself. Behold now my heart, O Lord,
who wouldest I should remember alHhis, that I might
now confess it unto thee. Let now my soul cleave
fast unto thee, which thou hast freed from that fast-
holding birdlime of death. How wretched was it
at that time ! Thou didst pierce the wound on the
quick, that forsaking all other things, it might turn
to thee, who art above all, and without whom all
things would turn to nothing : that it might, I say,
turn and be healed. How miserable therefore was 1 !
And how didst thou deal with me, to make me sen-
sible of my misery ! That same day, namely, when
I was preparing an oration in praise of the Emperor,
wherein I was to deliver many an untruth, and to be
applauded for my untruth, even by those that knew
I did so. Whilst my heart panted after these cares,
and boiled again with the feverishness of these con-
suming thoughts ; walking along one of the streets
of Milan, I observed a poor beggar man, half drunk
I believe, very jocund and pleasant upon the matter :
but I looking mournfully at him, fell to discourse
with my friends then in company with me, about
the many sorrows occasioned by our own madness ;

287

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. (qualibus tunc laborabam, sub stimulis cupiditatum
trahens infelicitatis meae sarcinam, et trahendo
exaggerans) nihil vellemus aliud nisi ad securam laeti-
tiam pervenire^ quo nos mendicus ille iam praeces-
sisset, numquam illuc fortasse ventures, quod enim
iam ille pauculis et emendicatis nummulisadeptus erat^
ad hoc ego tarn aerumnosis anfractibus et circuitibus
ambiebam_, ad laetitiam scilicet temporalis felicitatis.

Non enim verum gaudium habebat : sed et ego
illis ambitionibus multo falsius quaerebam. et certe
ille laetabatur, ego anxius eram, seeurus ille, ego
trepidus, et si quisquam percontaretur me, utrum
mallem exultare an metuere, responderem : " exul-
tare"; rursus si rogaret, utrum me talem mallem,
qualis ille, an qualis ego tunc essem, me ipsum curis
timoribusque confectum eligerem, sed perversitate ;
numquid veritate ? neque enim eo me praeponere
illi debebam, quo doctior eram, quoniam non inde
gaudebam, sed placere inde quaerebam hominibus,
non ut eos docerem, sed tantum et placerem. prop-
terea et baculo disciplinae tuae confringebas ossa
mea.

Recedant ergo ab anima inta qui dicunt ei : "in-
terest, unde quis gaudeat." gaudebat mendicus ille
vinulentia, tu gloria, qua gloria, domine ? quae
non est in te. nam sicut verum gaudium non erat,
ita nee ilia vera gloria ; et amplius vertebat mentem
288

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

for that, by all such endeavours of ours, (under CHAF
which I then laboured, and galled by the spurs of ^^
desire, dragged after me the burden of mine own
infelicity, increasing it by the dragging) we had mind
of nothing but how to attain some joy without care,
whither that beggar man had arrived before us,
who should never percliance come at all thither.
For that which he had attained unto by means of a
few pence, (and those begged too) the same was I
now plotting for, by many a troublesome turning
and winding ; namely, to compass the joy of a
temporary felicity.

For that beggar man verily enjoyed no true joy ;
but yet I with those my ambitious designs, hunted
after a much uncertainer. And certainly that fellow
was jocund, but I perplexed ; he void of care, I full
of fears. But should any man demand of me,
whether I had rather be merry or fearful ? I would
answer. Merry. Again, were I asked, whether I had
rather be in that beggar man's case, or in mine own
at that time ? I would make choice of mine own,
though thus overgone with cares and fears ; yet was
this upon a wilfulness. For was it out of any true
reason .'' For I ought not to prefer myself before that
beggar, because I was more learned than he, seeing
my learning was not it that made me joyful : but I
sought rather to please men by it; not to instruct them,
but merely to delight them. For this cause didst thou
even break my bones with the stafFof thy correction.

Away with those therefore from my soul, who say
unto it ; There is much difference betwixt the occa-
sions of a man's rejoicing. That beggar man rejoiced j
in his drunkenness ; thou in glory. What glory.
Lord ? That which is not in thee. For even as his
was no true joy, no more was mine any true glory :
I T 289

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. am et ille ii^sa nocte diffesturus erat ebrietatem

VI 1 o

jaum, Ggo cum mea dormieraiii et sunexeram, et
dormiturus et surrecturus eram ; vide quot dies !
interest vero^ unde quis gaudeat, scio, et gaudium
spei fidelis iiicomparabilitei* distat ab ilia vanitate.
sed et tmic distabat in er nos : nimirum quippe ille
felicior erat, non tantum quod hilaritate perfunde-
batur, cum ego curis eviscerarer, verum etiam quod
ille bene optando adquisiverat vinum, ego menti-
endo quaerebam typhum. dixi tunc multa in hac
sententia caris meis ; et saepe advertebam in his,
quomodo mihi esset, et inveniebam male mihi esse ;
et dolebam et conduplicabam ipsum male; etsi quid
adrisisset prosperum, taedebat adprehendere^ quia
paene priusquam teneretur avolabat.

VII

CAP. CoNGEMRSCEBMVHJS in liis, qui simul amice vivebamus,

VTT

et maxime cum Alypio et Nebridio ista conloquebar.
quorum Alypius ex eodem quo ego eram ortus muni-
cipio, parentibus primatibus municipalibus, me minor
natu, nam et studuerat apud me, cum in nostro

'290

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

and it turned my head even more. He was that chap.
night to digest his drunkenness; but many a niglit ^'^
had 1 slept with mine, and had risen again with it,
and was to sleep again, and again to rise with it, how
many days! But there is indeed a difference in the
grounds of a man's rejoicing. I know there is,
and that the joy of a faithful hope is incomparably
beyond such a vanity. Yea, and at that very time
was there much diti'erence betwixt him and me : for
he veriiy was the happier man ; not only ibr that
he was thoroughl}'^ drenched in mirth, whenas my
bowels were gripped with cares : but also for that
by his wishing good luck, he had gotten good store
of wine ; whereas I, by a flattering oration, sought
after a mere puff of pride. Much to this purpose
said I at that time to my dear companions : and I
marked by them how it fared with me ; and I found
myself in an ill taking: I grieved for it, by which I
doubled my ill taking; and when any prosperity
smiled upon me, it irked me to catch at it ; for that
almost before I could lay hand upon it, away it flew
from me.

VII

lie dissuades A J if j mis from his excessive delight in
the (jrce/isian Games

We jointly bemoaned ourselves for this, who lived chap.
like i"rien(is together ; but chiefly and most familiarly ^^^
did I speak hereof with Alypius and Nebridius : of
whom Aly})ius was born in the same town with me,
whose parents were of the chief rank there, and him-
self younger than I. For he had also studied under me,

291

S. AVGVSTINI CONlvESSJONVM LIBER VI
CAr. oppido docere coepi^ et postea Carthagini : et dili-
gebat muUuin_, quod ei bonus et doctiis viderer^ et
ego illum^ proi)ter magnam virtutis iiidolem, quae in
non magna aetate satis eminebat. gurges tamen
niorum Carthaginensium, quibus nugatoria fervent
spectacula, absorbuerat eum in insaniam circensium.
sed cum in eo miserabiliter volveretur^ ego autem
rlietoricam ibi })rofessus publica schola uterer, non-
dum me audiebat ut magistrum propter quandam
simultatem, quae inter me et patrem eius erat
exorta. et compereram, quod circum exitiabiliter
amaretj et graviter angebar, quod tantam spem per-
diturus vel etiam perdidisse mihi videbatur. sed
monendi eum et aliqua coercitione revocandi nulla
erat copia^ vel amicitiae benevolentia vel iure magis-
terii. putabam enim eum de me cum patre sentire,
ille vero non sic erat. itaque postposita in hac re
patris voluntate, salutare me coeperat veniens in
auditorium meum, et audire aliquid atque abire,

Sed enim de memoria mihi lapsum erat agere cum
illo, ne vanorum ludorum caeco et praecipiti studio
tarn bonum interimeretur ingenium. verum autem,
domine, tu, qui praesides gubernaculis omnium, quae
creasti, non eum oblitus eras, futurum inter filios tuos
antistitem sacramenti tui : et ut aperte tibi tribuere-
tur eius correctio, per me quidem illam, sed nescien-
tem, operatus es. nam quodam die cum sederem
i292

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

first, when I set up school in our own town, and CHAr.
at Carthage afterwards. He loved me very much, ^^^
because I seemed of a good disposition to him, and
well learned : and I loved him again, for his great
towardness to virtue, which was eminent enough for
one of no great years. But that whirlpit of those
Carthaginian fashions, amongst whom those idle
spectacles are hotly followed, had already swallowed
up him in immoderate delight of the Circensian
sports. But mean while that he Mas miserably
tumbled up and down that way, and I professing
rhetoric there, had set up a public school : he made
no use of me as his master, by reason of some un-
kindness risen betwixt his father and me. Although
therefore I had found how dangerously he doted upon
the race-place, and that I were grievously perplexed
that he took the course to undo so good a hope as
was conceived of him, or rather as methoughthehad
already undone it : yet had I no means, either privately
to advise him, and by way of constraint to reclaim
him, or by interest of a friendship, or the awe of a
master. For I supposed verily, that he had the
same opinion of me with his father ; but he was not
of that mind. Laying aside therefore his father's
quarrel, he began to salute me, coming sometimes
into my school, to hear a little and be gone.

However, 1 had forgotten to deal with him, that he
should not for a blind and headstrong desire of such
vain pastimes undo so good a wit. But thou, O Lord,
tliou who sittest at the helm of all thou hast created,
hadst not forgotten him, who was one day to prove a
chief priest of thy Sacraments; and that his amend-
ment might plainly be attributed to thyself, thoi:
truly broughtest it about by my means, who yet knew
nothing of it. For whenas one day I sat in my

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAR loco solito, et coram me adessent discipuli, venit,

VII

salutavit, sedit, atqiie in ea quae agebantur intendit
animimi. et forte lectio in manibiis erat, quam
dum exponerem et oportune mihi adhibenda vide-
retnr similitudo circensium, quo illud quod insinua-
bam et iucundius et planius fieret, et cum inrisione
mordaci eorum, quos iJla captivasset insania^ scis tn,
deus noster, quod tunc dc Alypio ab ilia peste
sanando non cogitaverim. at ille in se rapuit, me-
que illud non nisi propter se dixisse credidit; et
quod alius acciperet ad suscensendum mihi, accepit
honestus adulescens ad suscensendum sibi, et ad me
ardentius diligendum. dixeras enim tu iam olim
et innexueras litteris tuis : corripe sapientem, et
amabit te.

At ilium ego non corripueram, sed utens tu
omnibus et scientibus et nescientibus, ordine quo
nosti — et ille ordo iustus est — de corde et liiipua
mea carbones ardentes operatus es, quibus men tern
spei bonae adureres tabescentem ac sanares. taccat
laudes tuas^ qui miserationes tuas non considerat.
quae tibi de medullis meis confitentur. etenim vero
ille post ilia verba proripuit se ex fovea tam alta, qm
libcnter dcmergebatur et cum mira voluptate cae-
cai)atur, et excussit animum forti temperantia, et
vesihierunt omnes circensium sordes ab eo. amplius-
(juc illuc non acccssit. deiiuir piitreii) reluct-iritein

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

accustomed place, with my scholars before me, in came CHAP,
he, saluted me, sat him down, and applied his mind to ^ ^^
what I then hand led. 1 had by chance a passage
then in hand, which that I might the better illus-
'trate, it seemed very seasonable to me to make use of
a similitude borrowed from the Circensian races ; both
to make that which I insinuated more pleasant and
more plain, and to give a biting quip withal, at those
whom that madness had enthralled. God, thou
knowest, that I little thought at that time of curing
Alypius of that pestilence. But he took it to him-
self, and conceived that 1 merely intended it towards
him ; and what another man would have made an
occasion of being angry with me, that good young
man made a reason of being offended at himself, and
to love me the more fervently. For thou hadst said
it long ago, and put it into thy Book, Rebuke a wise I'rov. j.\. s
man, and he will love thee.

But for my part, I meant no rebuke towards him :
but 'tis thou who makest use of all men, both
knowing or not knowing, in that order which thy-
self knowest, and that order is just. Out of my
heart and tongue thou wroughtest burning coals, by
which thou niightest set on fire that languishing
disposition of his, of which so good hopes had been
conceived, and miglitest cure it. Let such a one
conceal thy praises, who considereth not of thy
mercies, which my very marrow confesses unto thee.
For he upon that speech, heaved himself out of that
pit so deep, wherein he had wilfully been plunged,
and was hoodwinked with the wretched pastime
of it ; and roused up his mind with a well re-
solved moderation ; whereupon all those filths of
the Circensian pastimes flew off from him, nor came
he over at them afterwards. Upon this, prevailed

295

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVxM LIBER VI
CAP. evicit, ut me magistro uteretur : cessit ille atque
concessit, et audire me rursus incipiens, iUamecum
superstitione involutus est, amans in Manichaeis
ostentationem continentiae, quam veram ct ger-
manam putabat. erat autem ilia vecors et sediic-
toria, pretiosas animas captans nondum virtutis altitu-
dinem scientes tangere^ et superficie decipi faciles,
sed tamen adumbratae simulataeque virtutis.

VIII

CAP. NoN sane relinqiiens incantatam sibi a ])arentibus

YIII

terrenam viam. Romam praecesserat, ut ius disceret,
et ibi gladiatorii spectaciili hiatu incredibili et in-
credibiliter abreptus est. cum enim aversaretur et
detestaretur talia, quidam eius amici et condiscipuii,
cum forte de prandio redeuntibus pervium esset,
recusantem veheni enter et resistentem, familiari vio-
lentia duxerunt in amphitheatrum crudelium et
funestorum ludorum diebus, liaec dicentem : " si
corpus meum in locum ilium trabitis, numquid et
animum et oculos meos in ilia spectacula potestis
intendere .'' adero itaque abscns, ac sic et vos
et ilia superabo." quibus auditis illi nihilo setius
eurn adduxerunt secum, id ipsum forte explorare
296

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

he with his unwillmg father, that he might be one chap
of my scholars. He yielded and condescended: so ^ ^^
that Alypius beginning to be my auditor again,
was bemuffled in the same superstition with me,
loving that ostentation of continency in the Mani-
chees, which he supposed to be true and unfeigned.
But verily no better it was than a senseless and a
seducing continency, ensnaring precious souls, not
able yet to reacli to the height of virtue, and easy to
be beguiled with a fair outside, of that which was
but a shadowed and a feigned virtue.

IVTII
Alypius is taken with a delight of the S7vord-j)lays,
which before he hated
E not forsaking that worldly course which his ^^ft^'
j)arents had charmed him to pursue, went before me
to Rome, to study the laws, where he was incredibly
carried away with an incredible greediness for the
sword players. For being utterly against and de-
testing such spectacles, when he was one day by
chance met withal by divers of his acquaintance
and fellow-students coming from dinner, they with
a familiar kind of violence, haled him (vehemently
denying and resisting them) along into the Amphi-
theatre, on a time when these cruel and deadly
shows were exhibited ; he thus protesting : " I'hough
you hale my body to that place, and there set me,
can you after that force me to give my mind, and
lend my eyes to these shows ? I shall therefore be
absent even while I am present, and so shall I over-
come both you and them too." His companions
hearing these words, led him on never the slower,

i^97

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. cupientes, utrum posset efficere. quo ubi vcntiim est
et sedibus quibus potiierunt locati sunt, fervebant
omnia inmanissimis voluptatibus. ille clausis foribus
oculorum interdixit animo, ne in tanta mala pro-
cederet. atque utinam et aures opturasset ! nam
quodam piignae casu, cum clamor ingens totius
populi veliementer eum pulsasset, curiositate victus,
et quasi paratus, quidquid illud esset, etiam visum
contemnere et vincere, aperuit, et percussus est
graviore vulnere in anima quam ille in corpore, quem
cernere concupivit, ceciditque miserabilius quam ille,
quo cadente factus est clamor : qui per eius aures
intravit et reseravit eius lumina, ut esset, qua feri-
retur et deiceretur audax adluic potius quam forti^
animus, et eo infirmior, quo de se praesumpserat, qui
debuit de te. ut enim vidit ilium sanguinem, in-
manitatem simul ebibit ; et non se avertit, sedfixit
aspectum, et hauriebat furias et nesciebat, et delecta-
batur scelere certaminis, et cruenta voluptate inebria-
batur. et non erat iam ille, qui venerat, sed unus d
turba, ad quam venerat, et verus eorum socius.
quibus adductus erat. quid plura ? spectavit
clamavit, exarsit, abstulit inde secum insaniam, qu
stinmlareUir redire, non tantuni cum illis, a quibus
298

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

desirous perchance to try, whether he could be as CHAP,
good as his word or no. When tiiey were come ^ "^
thither, and had taken their places as they could,
all that round grew hot with hideous gloating. But
Alypius closing up the doors of his eyes, forbade
his mind to range abroad after such mischiefs ;
and I would that he had stopped his ears also.
For upon the fall of one in the fight, a mighty
cry of the people beating strongly upon him, he
(being overcome by curiosity, and as it were prepared,
whatsoever it were, to contemn it even when seen,
and to overcome it) opened his eyes, and was struck
with a deeper wound in his soul, than the other was
in his body, whom he desired to behold : and he
presently fell more miserably than the sword-player
did, upon whose fall that mighty noise was raised.
Which noise entered through iiis ears, and unlocked
his eyes, to make way for the striking and beating
down of his soul, which was bold rather than valiant
heretofore; and so much the weaker, for that it
had trusted on itself, which ought only to have
trusted on thee. For so soon as he saw the
blood, he at the very instant drunk down a kind
of savageness ; nor did he turn away his head, but
fixed his eye upon it, drinking up unawares the
very Furies themselves ; being much taken with the
barbarousness of the sword-fight, and even drunk
again with that bloodthirsty joy. Nor was he now
the man he was when he came first thither, but
become one of the throng he came unto ; yea, an
entire companion of theirs that brought him thither.
What shall I say more ? He looked on, he cried out
for company, he was inflamed with it, carried home
such a measure of madness as spurred him on to
come another time : and that not only in their

299

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAr. abstractus est, sed etiam prae illis et alios trabens.
et inde tamen manu validissima et misericordissima
eruisti eum tu, et docuisti eum non sui habere, sed
tui fiduciam ; sed longe postca.

IX

CAP. Verum tamen iam hoc ad medicinani futuram in eiiis
memoria reponebatur. nam et illud, quod, cum
adhuc studeret iam me audiens apud Cavthaginem, et
medio die cogitarat in foro quod recitaturus erat,
sicut exerceri scholastici solent, sivisti eum conpre-
hendi ab aeditimis fori tamquam furem, non arbitror
aliam ob causam te permisisse, deus noster, nisi ut
ille vir tantus futurus iam inciperet discere, quam
non facile in noscendis causis homo ab homine dam-
nandus esset temeraria credulitate. quippe ante tri-
bunal deambulabat solus cum tabulis ac stilo, cum
ecce adulescens quidam ex numero scholasticorum,
fur verus, securim clanculo apportans, illo non sen-
tiente, ingressus est ad cancellos phnnbeos, qui vico
argentario desuper praeminent, et praeciciere plum-
bum coepit. sono autem securis audito submuraiura-
verunt argentarii, qui subter erant, et miserunt qui
adprehenderent quern forte invenissent. quorum
'JOO

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

company who first haled him on^ but to run before chat.
them too, yea^ and hale on others also. Yet out of ^^^^
all this didst thou with a most strong and merciful
hand pluck him notwithstanding^ and taughtest him
to repose no more confidence in himself, but upon
thee only. But this was not till a great while after.

IX

Alypins was apprehended for suspicion of thievery

But thus much laid he up in his memory for a chai*
medicine hereafter : as that also which fell out when "^^
he was yet itoy scholar at Carthage : where meditating
at noon time once in the market place, upon some-
thing he was to say by heart (as scholars use to be
exercised) thou sufferedst him to be apprehended by
the officers of the market place for a thief. For no
other cause, I suppose, didst thou, O our God, suffer
it, but that he, who was hereafter to prove so great
a man, should now begin to learn, that in judging of
causes man was not to be condemned by man out of a
rash credulity. For as he was walking by himself
before the place of judgment, with his noting tables
and his pen, behold a young man of the number of
the students, (who was the right thief indeed)
privily bringing a hatchet with him (Alypius never
perceiving him) gat in as far as the leaden grate-works
which cover the street of the silversmiths, and began
to chop in sunder the lead. But the noise of the
hatcliet being heard, the silversmiths that were under-
neath began to mutter, and sent forth to apprehend
whom ever they should find. But the thief hearing

Ieir voices, ran away, leaving his hatcliet behind
301

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. vocibus auditis, relicto instrumento, ille discessit

IX

timens, ne cum eo teneretur. Alypius aiitem, qui
non viderat intrantem, exeuntem sensit et celeriter
vidit abeuutem, et causam scire cupiens ingressus
est locum ; et inventam securim stans atque admirans
considerabat, cum ecce illi, qui missi eraiit, reperiunt
eum solum ferentem ferrum_, cuius sonitu exciti
venerant : tenent^ adtrahunt^ congregatis inquilinis
fori tamquam furem manifestum se conpreheiidisse
gloriantur, et inde offerendus iudiciis ducebatur.
sed liactenus doceudus fuit. statim enim, domine,
adfuisti innocentiae, cuius testis eras tu solus, cum
enim duceretur, vel ad custodiam vel ad supplicium,
(it eis obviam quidam architectus^ cuius maxima erat
cura publicarum fabricarum. gaudent illi eum potis-
simum occurrisse, cui solebant in suspicionem venire
ablatarum rerum, quae perissent de foro, ut quasi
tandem iam ille cognosceret, a quibus haec fierent.
verum autem viderat homo saepe Alypium in domo
cuiusdam senatoris^ ad quern salutandum ventitabat ;
statimque cognitum manu adprehensa semovit a
turbis, et tanti mali causam quaerens, quid gestuni
esset, audivit, omnesque tumultuantes, qui aderant,
et minaciter frementes iussit venire secum. et vene-
runt ad domum illius adulescentis, qui rem con-
miserat. puer vero erat ante ostium, et tam parvus
erat, ut nihil exinde domino suo metuens, facile posset
302

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

him, fearing to be taken with it. Alypius now, who chap.
spied him not when he came in, perceived him as ^^
he went out, and with what speed he made away,
and being desirous to know what the matter was, went
into the place ; where findinj; the hatchet, he stood
still a while, admiring and considering upon it ; w hen
behold, those that were sent, find him alone with the
hatchet in his hand, startled by the noise whereof
they had made thither : they lay hold upon him, hale
him away, and gathering the nei^libours dwelling in
the market place about them, they congratulate one
another for taking so notorious a felon, leading him
away to the justice thereupon. But no further was
Alypius to be instructed. For presently, O Lord,
camest thou to the succour of his innocency, whereof
thou wert the only witness. For as he was led along,
(either to prison or execution) there encountered
them a certain architect, who had the charge of
the public buildings. Glad they were to meet him
of all the rest, for that they were used to fall under
his suspicion of stealing goods, lost out of the
market place ; that lie might take notice at length by
whom these kind of cheats were used to be played.
But that party had divers times seen Alypius at a
certain Senator's house, whom he often came to
visit; who presently taking knowledge of him, took
him aside by the hand, and privately enquiring the
occasion of that mischance, heard the whole carriage
of the business from him ; and bade all that rabble
(all in an uproar, and threatening of Alypius) to go
along with him. And to the house they came of
that young man who had committed the fact : where,
behold, there was a boy before the door, who was so
little, as having not the wit to fear doing his master
any hurt by it, was likely enough to disclose the

.'303

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAr. totum indicare ; cum eo quippe in foro fuit pedisecus.
quern posteaquam recoluit Aljpius, architecto intim-
avit. at ille securim demonstravit puero quaerens
ab eOj cuius esset. qui confestim " nostra " inquit ;
deinde interrogatus aperuit cetera. sic in illani
donium translata causa, confusisque turbis^ quae de
illo triuni})hare iam coeperant, futurus dispensator
verbi tui, et multarum in ecclesia tua causarum
examinator, experientior instructiorque discessit.

X

CAP. Hung ergo Romae inveneram. et adhaesit mihi for-
tissimo vinculo^ mecumque Mediolanium profectus
est, ut nee me desereret, et de iure^ quod didicerat,
aliquid ageret secundum votum magis parentum quam
suum. et ter iam adsederat mirabili continentia
ceteris, cum ille magis miraretur eos, qui aurum
innocentiae praeponerent. temptataest quoque eius
indoles, non solum de inlecebra cupiditatis sed etiam
stimulo timoris. Romae adsidebat comiti lartri-
tionum Italicianarum. erat eo tempore quidam
potentissimus senator, cuius et beneficiis obstricti
multi et terror! subdili crant. voluit sibi licere

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

whole matter unto them : for he had followed his chap.
master to the market place. Whom so soon as ever ^^
Alypius remembered, he told the architect of ^^im :
and he showing the hatchet to the boy, asked him
whose that was ? " Ours/' quoth he presently ; and
being further questioned upon the matter, he dis-
covered everything. Thus was the burglary laid upon
the master of that house, and the rude multitude
ashamed, which had already begun to triumph over
Alypius, who was hereafter to be a dispenser of
thy Word, and an examiner of many causes in thy
Church : who went away now, better experienced and
instructed by this accident.

X

Of the great Integrity of Alypius, and oj
Nebridius' coming

HIS Alypius therefore I afterwards lit upon at chap.
Rome ; where he knit in with me with a most strong ^
tie ; whence he went with me to Milan, both that
lie might not break company with me, and that he
might withal practise something in the law he had
applied himself unto : rather to fulfil his parents'
desire, than his own. There had he thrice already
sat as an Assessor for Justice, with a freedom from
bribery that was the wonder of the rest : he wonder-
ing at others rather, who preferred gold before
honesty. His disposition was tested besides, not only
with a bait of covetousness, but with the spur of fear
also. At Rome he had been Assessor to the Count
of the Italian Bounties. There was at that time a
most potent Senator, to whose favours many stood
engjiged, whom many also were much afraid of.
I u 305

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. nescio quid ex more potentiae suae, quod esset
per leges inlicitum; restitit Alypius. promissuni
est praemium ; inrisit animo. j)raetentae minae ;
calcavit, mirantibus omnibus inusitatam animam, quae
liominem tantum, et innumerabilibus praestandi no-
cendique modis ingenti fama celebratum, vel amicum
lion optaret vel non formidaret inimieum. ipse
autem index, cui consiliarius erat, quamvis et ipse
fieri nollet, non tamen aperte recusabat, sed in istum
causam transferens ab eo se non permitti adserebat,
quia et re vera, si ipse faceret, iste discederet. hoc-
solo autem paene iam inlectus erat studio litterario,
ut pretiis praetorianis codices sibi conficiendos
curaret ; sed consulta iustitia, deliberationem in
melius vertit, utiliorem iudicans aequitatem, qua
prohibebatur, quam potestatem, qua sinebatur.
parvum est hoc; sed qui in parvo fidelis est, et in
magno fidelis est, nee uUo modo erit inane, quod
tuae veritatis ore processit : si in iniusto mamona
fideles non fuistis, verum quis dabit vobis ? et si in
alieno fideles non fuistis, vestrum quis dabit vobis ?
talis tunc ille inhaerebat mihi, mecumque nutabat in
consiiio, quisnam esset tenendus vitae modus.
S06

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VT

This great man would needs by his usual powers chap.
have a thing pass the court, which by the laws was ^
utterly forbidden : Alypius crossed it. A bribe v.as
promised him, he with all his heart despised it.
Threats were used, he trampled them under foot:
all men hi the mean time admiring so rare a spirit,
which either desired not such a man (so infinitely
famed for the innumerable means he had, either to
do a man a good or a shrewd turn) to be his friend,
or feared not to have him for his enemy. As for the
Judge himself, in whose court Alypius was Assessor,
although for his own part he were unwilling to have
it pass, yet did he not openly cross it, but put the
matter off to this Alypius ; pretending that by him
he was not suffered to do it : for verily if he should
have offered it, Alypius would have gone off the bench.
But one thing there w^as that did almost tempt him
by his love of learning ; that, namely, he might
get himself a library at such under-prices as the
Praetors had their books at. But consulting with
justice, he altered his purpose to the better ; esteem-
ing equity to be more gainful, by which he was pro-
hibited that course, than power could be, upon which
he might take the liberty. All this hitherto said of
him, is but httle : but he that is faithful in that Luke xvi.
which is least, is faithful also in much. Nor can that ^^
possibly be to no purpose spoken, which proceeded
out of the mouth of thy Truth : If ye have not been Luke xvi.
faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit ^^
to your trust true riches ? And if ye have not been Luke xvi.
faithful in that which is another man's, who shall give '2
you that which is your own ? Such a man as I iiave
described, did he at that time join himself unto me ;
and wavered in his purpose as I did, what course of
life was to be taken.

307

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAr. Nebridius etiam, qui relicta patria vicina Cartha-
gini atque ipsa Carthagine, ubi frequentissimus erat,
relicto pateruo rure optimo, relicta domo ct non
secutura matre, nullam ob aliam causam Mediolanium
venerat, nisi ut meciim viveret in flagrantissimo
studio veritatis atque sapientiae, pariter suspirabat
paritcrque fluctuabat^beatae vitae inquisitor ardens, et
quaestionum difficillimarum scrutator acerrimus. et
erant ora trium egentium, et inopiam suam sibimet
invicem anhelantium, et ad te expectantium, ut dares
eis escam in tempore opportuno. et in omni amari-
tudine, quae nostros saeculares actus de misericordia
tua sequebatur, intuentibus nobis finem, cur ea
pateremur, occurrebant tenebrae, et aversabamur
gementes et dicebamus : " quamdiu haec ? " et hoc
crebro dicebamus et dicentes non relinquebamus ea^
quia non elucebat certum aliquid, quod illis relictis
adprehenderemus.

XI

CAP. Et ego maxime mirabar satagens et recolens, quam
longum tempus esset ab undevicensimo anno aeta-
tis meae, quo fervere coeperam studio sapientiae,
SOS

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

Nebridius also, who having left his native country CHAP,
near Carthage, yea and Carthage itself, where for ^
the most part he lived ; leaving his father's lands,
which were very rich ; leaving his own house, and a
mother behind, who was not ready to follow after
him; was by this time come to Milan, and for no
other reason neither, but that he might bestow
himself with me in a most ardent desire after truth
and wisdom. Together with me he sighed, and with
me he wavered ; still continuing a most ardent
searcher after happiness, and a most acute examiner
of the difficultest questions. Thus were there now
gotten together the mouths of three beggars, sighing
out their wants one to another, and waiting upon
thee, that thou mightest give them their meat in Pi- cxiv. ij
due season. And in much anguish of spirit (which
by the disposing of thy mercy, still followed our
worldly affairs) looking towards the end, why we
should suffer all this, darkness beclouded us : where-
upon we turned away mourning to ourselves, saying:
How long will things continue at this stay ? This
we often said, but in saying so, we yet forsook not
our errors ; for that we yet discovered no certainty,
which when we had forsaken them, we might betake
ourselves unto.

XI

He deliberates what course of life he mere best
to take

And I admired extremely (pondering earnestly with chap
myself, and examining of my memory) what a deal ^'
of time I had consumed since that nine and twen-
tieth year of mine age, in which I began first to be

309

k

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP, disponens. ea inventa, relinquere omnes vanarum cupi-
ditatum spes inanes et insanias mendaces. et ecce
iam tricenariam actatem gerebam, in eodem luto
liaesitans aviditate fruendi praesentibus, fugientibus
et dissipantibus me, dum dico : " eras inveniam ; ecce
manifestum apparebit, et tenebo; ecce Faustus
veniet et exponet omnia, o magni viri Academici !
nihil ad agendam vitam certi conprehendi potest?
immo quaeramus diligentiiis et non desperemus.
ecce iam non sunt absurda in libris ecclesiasticis,
quae absurda videbantur, et possunt aliter atque
lioneste intellegi. figam pedes in eo gradu, in quo
puer a parentibus positus eram, donee inveniatur
.^jjerspicua Veritas. sed ubi quaeretur.^ quando
quaeretur ? non vacat Ambrosio, non vacat legere.
ubi ipsos codices quaerimus ? unde aut quando
conparamus ? a quibns sumimus ? deputentur tem-
pora, distribuantur horae pro salute animae. magna
spes oborta est : non docet catholica fides, quod
putabanuis et vani accusabamus. nefas habent docti
eius credere deum figura humani corporis termina-
tum. et dubitamus pulsare, quo aperiantur cetera ?
antemeridianis boris discipuli occupant; ceteris
quid facimus ? cur non id agimus ? sed quando
310

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

inflamed with the love of wisdom : resolving, when I CHAP
had found that, to let pass all those empty hopes, ^^
and lying frenzies of vain desires. And behold I
was now going of my thirtieth year, still sticking in
the same clay; still possessed with a greediness of
enjoying things present, they as fast flitting and
wasting my soul; I still saying to myself. To-morrow ~~
I shall find it out, it will appear very plainly, and
I shall understand it : and behold, Faustus the
Manichee will come, and clear everything. O you
great men, of the Academics' opinion : can no cer-
tain course for the ordering of our lives possibly be
comprehended ? nay, let us rather search the more
diligently, and not despair of finding : for behold
those things in the ecclesiastical books are not absurd
to us now, which sometimes seemed so : for they
may be otherwise, yea, and that honestly under-
stood. I will henceforth pitch my foot upon that
step, on which, being yet a child, my parents placed
me, until such time as the clear trutli may be found.
But where about shall it be sought for } when shall
it be sought for? Ambrose is not at leisure, nor
have we ourselves any spare time to read. But
where shall we find the books to read in ? Whence,
or when can we procure them, or from whom borrow
them? Let set times be appointed, and certain hours
distributed for the health of our souls. We now
begin to conceive great hopes : the Catholic faith
teaches not what we thought it had, whereof we
vainly accused it: the learned men of that faith
hold it for a detestable opini(m, to believe God to be
ntained under the figure of a human body : and
do we doubt to knock, that all the other mysteries
may also be opened unto us ? All the forenoons our
scholars take up, what shall we do the rest of the

311

k

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
^xi 5^^^*^"^^s amicos maiores, quorum sufFragiis opus
habemus ? quando praeparamus quod emant scho-
lastic! ? quando reparamus nos ipsos relaxando animo
ab intentione curarum ? pereant omnia et dimitta-
mus haec vana et inania : conferamus nos ad solam
inquisitionem veritatis. vita misera est, mors incerta
est; subito obrepat — quomodo hinc exibimus? et
ubi nobis discenda sunt quae hinc negleximus ? ac
non potius huius neglegentiae supplicia luenda ?
quid, si mors ipsa omnem curam cum sensu am-
putabit et finiet ? ergo et hoc quaerendum. sed
absit, ut ita sit. non vacat, non est inane, quod
tam eminens culmen auctoritatis Christianae fidei toto
orbe diffunditur. numquam tanta et talia pro nobis
divinitus agerentur, si morte corporis etiam vita
animae consumeretur. quid cunctamur igitur, relicta
spe saeculi, conferre nos totos ad quaerendum deum et
vitam beatam ? sed expecta : iucunda sunt etiam ista,
habent non parvam dulcedinem suam ; non facile ab
eis praecidenda est intentio, quia turpe est ad ea
rursum vedire. ecce iam quantum est, ut inpetretur
aliquis honor, et quid amplius in his desiderandum ?

suppetit amicorum maiorum copia : ut nihil aliua
312

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

day ? Why go we not about this ? But when then chap.
shall we visit our greater friends, of whose favours we ^^
stand in need ? What time shall we have to compose
some discourse to sell to scholars ? When shall we
recreate ourselves, and unbend our minds from those
cares they are too earnest upon ? Let all these
thoughts perish, let us give over these vain and
empty fancies, and betake ourselves solely to search -^
out the truth. Life is miserable ; death uncertain ;
if it steals upon us on the sudden, in what case shall
we go out of the world, and where shall we then
learn what we have here neglected ? Or rather,
shall we not there suffer the due punishment of our
negligence } If it be objected, that death will quite
cut off both care and sense of all these things, and
there's an end of them : then let that be first
enquired into. But God forbid that it should be so.
It is not for no purpose, 'tis no idle toy, that so
eminent a height of authority which the Christian
faith hath, is diffused all the world over. Never
would such and so great blessings be by the Divine
Providence wrought for us, if so be that together
with the death of the body, the life of the soul
should be brought to nothing also. Wherefore
then delay we time any longer, that giving over
our hopes of this world, we might give up ourselves
wholly to seek after God and a happy life.^ But
stay a while : even these worldly things are sweet,
and they have some, and that no small, pleasure.
We are not too lightly to divorce our purposes
from them, for that it were a foul shame to make
love again to them. See, 'tis no such great matter
to obtain some office of honour ; and what should
a man desire more in this world ? We have store
of potent friends : not to push on for anything too

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. multum festinemus, vel praesidatus dari potest, et

XI

ducenda uxor cum aliqua pecunia, ne sumptum nostrum
gravet, et ille erit modus cupiditatis. multi magni
viri et imitatione dignissimi sapientiae studio cum
coniugibiis dediti fuerunt."

Cum haec dice bam et alternabant hi venti et
inpellebant hue atque illuc cor meum, transibant
tempora, et tardabam converti ad dominum; et differe-
bam de die in diem vivere in te, et non difFerebam
cotidie in memet ipso mori : amans beatam vitam
timebam illam in sede sua, et ab ea fugiens quaere bam
eam. putabam enim me miserum fore nimis, si femi-
nae privarer amplexibus, et medicinam misericordiae
tuae ad eandem infirmitatem sanandam non cogita-
bam, quia expertus non eram ; et propriarum virium
credebarn esse continentiam, quarum mihi non eram
conscius, cum tarn stultus essem, ut nescirem, sicut
scriptum est, neminem posse esse continentem, nisi
tu dederis. utique dares, si gemitu interno pul-
sarem aures tuas et fide soiida in te iactarem curam
meam.

314

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

much, even a governor's place may be bestowed upon chap.
us : then a wife should be wedded with a good ^^
portion to ease our charges ; and this shall be the
full point of our desires. Many great persons, and
those worthy of our imitation, have addicted them-
selves to the study of wisdom in the state of
marriage.

Whilst these things I discoursed of, and these
winds of uncertainties changed up and down, and
drove my heart this way and that way : the time
still passed on, but I was slow to be converted to my
Lord God ; and from one day to another I deferred to
live in thee, but deferred not daily to die within my-
self. Being thus in love with an happy life, yet feared
I to find it in its proper place, and fleeing from it, I
sought after it. 1 thought I should be too miserable,
should I be debarred of the embracements of a woman :
as for that medicine of thy mercy which should cure
that infirmity, I never thought of it; and all because
I had no experience of it. As for continency, I sup-
posed it to be in the liberty of our own power,
which I for my part felt that I had not ; being so
foolish withal, that I knew not it was written, that
no man can preserve his chastity unless thou give it.
And thou verily wouldst have given it, if with cordial
groanings I should have knocked at thine ears, and
with a settled faith have cast my cares upon thee.

515

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI

XII

CAP Prohibebat me sane Alvpius ab uxore duceuda,
XII ,, ,

cantans nullo modo nos posse secure otio simul in

amore sapientiae vivere, sicut iam diu desideraremus,

si id fecissem. erat enira ipse in ea re etiara tunc

castissimus, ita ut mirum esset ; quia vel experientiam

concubitus ceperat in ingressu adulescentiae suae, sed

nonhaeserat,magisquedoluerat et spreverat^et deinde

iam continentissime vivebat. (ego autem resistebam

illi exemplis eorum, qui coniugati coluissent sapien-

tiam, et promeruissent deum, et habuissent fideliter ac

dilexissent amicos. ? a quorum ego granditate quidem

animi longe aberam : et deligatus morbo carnis

mortifera suavitate trahebam catenam meam, solvi

timens^ et quasi concusso vulnere, repellens verba

bene suadentis tamquam manum solventis.

Insuper etiam per me ipsi quoque Alypio loque-

batur serpens, et innectebat atque spargebat per

linguam meam dulces laqueos in via eius, quibus

illi honesti et expediti pedes inplicarentur. cum

enim me ille miraretur, quern non parvi penderet,

ita haerere visco illius voluptatis, ut me adfir-

marem, quotienscumque inde inter nos quaereremus,

caelibem vitam nullo modo posse degere, atque ita

316

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

XII

./ Contention between Aiypius and Angiuiine, about
Marriage and Single Life

Alypius indeed was the man that kept me from chap,
marrying of a wife ; alleging, that by no means could ^^^
we enjoy so much undistracted leisure as to live to-
gether in the love of wisdom (as we long since had
desired) should I take that course. For he himself
was so chaste that way, that it was a wonder to see :
for he had made a trial of that act in the beginning of
his youth ; but having not engaged himself by it, he
was sorry for it rather, and despised it ; living from
that time until this present most continently. For
my part I opposed him with the examples of such men
as in the state of matrimony had professed wisdom,
and were acceptable unto God, and conversed faith-
fully and lovingly with their acquaintances : of the
greatness of whose spirit I was far enough short.
Thus I, bound fast with the disease of the flesh, and
with the deadly sweetness of it, drew my shackles
along with me, much afraid to have them knocked off:
and as if my wound had been too hard rubbed by it,
I put back his good persuasions, as it were the hand
of one that would unchain me.

Moreover, even by me did the serpent speak unto
Alypius, preparing and laying by my tongue most
pleasurable snares in his way, in which his honest and
yet free feet might be entangled. For whenas he
much admired at me, (whom he slightly esteemed not
of; for sticking so fast in the birdlime of that pleasure,
as resolutely to affii-m, so oft as we had speech about
it. that I could by no means lead a single life : and

S17

k

S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. me defenderem, cum ilium mirantem viderem, ut di-

XII

cerem multum interesse inter illud, quod ipse raptim
et furtim expertus esset, quod paene iam ne raemi-
nisset quidem atque ideo nulla molestia facile con-
temneret, et delectationes consuetudinis meae; ad
quas si accessisjset honestum nomen matrimonii, non
eum mirari oportere, cur ego illam vitam nequirem
spernere : coeperat et ipse desiderare coniugium, ne-
quaquam victus libidine talis voluptatis,sed curiositatis.
dicebat enim scire se cupere, quidnam esset illud^
sine quo vita mea, quae illi sic placebat, non mihi
vita, sed poena videretur. stupebat enim liber ab
illo vinculo animus servitutem meam, et stupendo
ibat in experiendi cupidinem, venturus in ipsam ex-
perientiam atque inde fortasse lapsurus in earn quam
stupebat servitutem, quoniam sponsionem volebat
facere cum morte, et qui amat periculum, incidet in
illud. neutrum enim nostrum, si quod est coniugale
decus in officio regendi matrimonii et suscipiendorum
liberorum, ducebat nisi tenuiter. magna autem ex
parte atque vehementer consuetude satiandaeinsatia-
bilis concupiscentiae me captum excruciabat, ilium
autem admiratio capiendum traliebat. sic eramus,
donee tu, altissime, non deserens humum nostram,
miseratus miseros, subvenires miris et occultis modis.

S18

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

that I used this for an argument (when I saw him so chap
much wonder at the matter) that there was a great ^^^
difference betwixt the pleasure which he had tried by
stealth and snatches, (which he scarce now remem-
bered, and might easily therefore despise) and the
delights of my daily habit : into which might but
the honest name of marriage be added, he should
not wonder then, why I had not the power to con-
temn that course of living : even he began to desire
to be married ; not as if overcome with the lust of
so poor a pleasure, as all out of a curiosity : for he
desired, as he said, to know what manner of content
that should be, without which my life, which pleased
him so, seemed not a life but a punishment unto me.
For his mind, that was free as yet from that clog,
stood amazed at my thraldom ; and out of that amaze-
ment, he proceeded to an itch of trying : like enough
to have come to the experience of it, and from the
bare experience, to fall perchance into that bondage
he in me so much admired at ; seeing he was so will-
ing to enter into a covenant with death ; and he
that loves danger shall fall into it. For the conjugal
honour (it there be any) in the office of well ordering
the duties of a married life, and of ha vin<^ of children,
moved neither of us but little. But that which for the
most part did most violently afflict me, already made a
slave to it, was the custom of satisfying an insatiable
lust ; but him, that was hereafter to be enslaved, did an
admiration screw up to it. In this case we continued,
until thou, O most High, not forsaking our lowliness,
having compassion of us that stood in need of it,
didst at length fetch us off, by admn*able and secret
devices.

I

319

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI

XIII

CAP. Et instabatur inpiffre, ut ducerem uxorem. lam
petebam, iam promittebatur, maxime matre clante
operam, quo me iam coniugatum baptismus salutaris
ablueret, quo me in dies gaudebat aptari, et vota sua
ac promissa tua in mea fide conpleri animadvertebat.
cum sane et rogatu meo et desiderio suo forti cla-
more cordis abs te deprecaretur cotidie, ut ei per
visum ostenderes aliquid de futuro matrimonio meo,
numquam voluisti. et videbat quaedam vana et
phantastica, quo cogebat inpetus de hac re sata-
gcntis humani spiritus, et narrabat mihi non cum
fiducia^ qua solebat, cum tu demonstrabas ei, sed con-
temnens ea. dicebat enim discernere se nescio quo
sapore, quern verbis expiicare non poterat, quid in-
teresset inter revclaiitem te et animam suam som-
niantem. instabatur tamen, et puella petebatur,
cuius aetas ferme bicnnio minus quam nubilis erat,
et quia ea placelmt, exspeclabatur.

520

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

XIII

Augustine lays out for a Wife

And much ado tliere was to get me a wife. Now chap
went I a wooinn^, and then was the wench promised ^^^^
me : my mother taking most pains to beat the bar-
gain : her purpose in it being, that when I were
once married, the wholesome waters of Baptism might
cleanse me, towards which she much rejoiced to see
me daily fitting myself; observing that all her own
desires, and thy promises, were to be fulfilled in my
embracing of the faith. At which time verily, both
by mine own entreaties, and her desires, and with
very strong cries of her heart, did she daily beg of
thee, that thou wouldst vouchsafe by some vision to
discover something unto her concerning my future
marriage, but thou wouldst never do it. Yet saw she
indeed certain vain and fantastical things, driven by
the earnestness of the human spirit, so busied about
this matter. These she told me of; yet not with that
confidence she was wont when thyself afforded any
visions unto her, but slighting them, as it were. For
she could, as she said, (though I know not what
relish she had, which in words she could not express)
easily enough discern how much difference there
was betwixt thy revelations, and the dreams of her
own spirit. Yet went she forward earnestly, and
the parents' goodwill was asked ; but the maid
wanted two years of being marriageable. Yet, for
that I had a good liking to her^ I was content to stay
so long for her.

321

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI

XIV

CAP. Et multi amici asjitaveramus animo et conloquentes

XIV

ac detestaiites turbulentas humanae vitae molestias,
paene iam firmaveramus remoti a turbis otiose vivere,
id otium sic moliti, ut, si quid habere possemus,
conferremus in medium, unamque rem familiarem
conflaremusex omnibus, ut peramicitiae sinceritatem
non esset aliud huius et aliud illius, sed quod ex
cunctis fieret unum, et universum singulorum esset
et omnia omnium ; cum videremur nobis esse posse
decem ferme liomines in eadem societate, essentque
inter nos praedivites, Homanianus maxime com-
rauniceps noster, quem tunc graves aestus nego-
tiorum suorum ad comitatum adtraxerant, ab ineunte
actate mihi familiarissimus. qui maxime instabat Imic
rei, et magnam in suadendo habebat auctoritatem,
quod ampla res eius multum ceteris anteibat. et
placuerat nobis, ut bini annul tamquam magistratus
omnia necessaria curarent, ceteris quietis. sed postea-
quam coepit cogitari, utrum hoc mulierculae sinerent,
quas et alii nostrum iam habebant et nos habere vole-
bamus, totum illud placitum, quod bene formabamus,
dissiluit in manibus, atque confractum et abiectum
est. inde ad suspiria et gemitus et gressus ad
322

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

XIV

A new Plot is laid and broken

And we were many friends, which debated together, chaf.
conferring about the detesting these turbulent ^^^'^
molestations of human life ; and we had now almost
resolved to sequester ourselves from company, and
to live at peace : we hoj^ed so to obtain that peace,
by putting together what stock every man was able
to make, and making one household of all : that
through the plain dealing of a common friendship,
one thing should not be this man's, and another
thing that man's ; but what stock should be made
up out of every man's particular, should in the whole
belong unto the interest of every single person,
and all together, unto all in general. It seemed
to us, that there might near be some ten persons
in this brotherhood : some of which were very rich
men; and Romanianus especially, our townsman
(from his childhood a very familiar friend of mine)
whom the hot pursuit of his business had brought up
to Court : who was most earnest of all for this pro-
ject : and therein was his voice of great authority,
because his wealth was much greater than the rest.
And we had set it down that two officers should
be yearly chosen, for the making of necessary pro-
visions, whilst the rest were quiet. But so soon as
we began to consider better of" it, whether our wives,
(which some of us had already, and I resolved to
have shortly) would endure all this or no ; all that
so well laid plot fell to pieces in our hands, and was
utterly dashed and cast aside. Thence returned
we again to our old sighings, and groanings, and

323

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. sequendas latas et tritas vias saeculi, quoniam multae
cogitationes erant in corde nostro, consilium autem
tuum manet in aeternum. ex quo consilio deridcbas
nostra et tua praeparabas nobis, daturus escam in
opportunitate, et aperturus manum, atque impleturus
animas nostras benedictione.

XV

CAP. Interea mea peccata multiplicabantur, et avulsa a
latere meo, tamquam inpedimento coniugii, cum qua
cubare solitus eram, cor, ubi adhaerebat, concisum
et vulneratum mihi erat et trahebat sanguinem. et
ilia in Africam redierat, vovens tibi alium se virum
nescituram, relicto apud me naturali ex ilia filio
meo. at ego infelix nee feminae imitator, dilationis
inpatiens, tamquam post bienriium accepturus earn
quam petebam, quia non amator coniugii sed libi-
dinis servus eram, procuravi aliam, non utique
coniugem, quo tamquam sustentaretur et perduce-
retur, vel integer vel auctior, morbus animae meae
satellitio perdurantis consuetudinis in regnum
uxorium. nee sanabatur vulnus illud meum, quod
324

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

wanderings, and to our former following those broad chap.
and beaten ways of the world : for that many thoughts ^^^
were in our hearts, but thy counsel standeth for Matt. vii. 13
ever. Out of which counsel didst thou deride ours, ps. xxxiii.
and laid the groundwork for thine own ; purposing ^^
to give us meat in due season, and to open thy hand, pg. cxiv. is,
and to fill our souls with thy blessing, a*

XV

How his old Concubine goes awatj from him, and
he gets another

Mv sins in the mean time were multiplied, and that chap.
mistress of mine which was wont to be my bedfellow, ^^
the hinderer as it were of my marriage, being plucked
away from my side, my heart cleaving unto her, was
broken by this means, and wounded, yea, and blood
drawn from it. Home again went she into Africa,
(vowing to thee never to know man more) leaving a
bastard son with me, which I had begotten of her.
But unhappy I, who had not the heart to imitate a
woman, impatient now of all delay as if it were two
long years before I was to enjoy her whom I went a
wooing to, (being not so much a lover of wedlock
as a slave to lust) quickly procured another (though
not a wife) by whom that disease of my soul
might be nursed up, and kept alive, either as
vigorous as it was, or more fierce upon it, under
the convoy of inveterate custom into the king-
dom of marriage. Nor was that wound of mine as
yet cured, which had been made by the cutting
away of my former concubine ; but after most

325

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAP. prioris praecisione factum erat, sed post fervorem
doloremque acerrimum putrescebat, et quasi frigidius,
led desperatius dolebat.

XVI

CAP. TiBi laus, tibi gloria, fous misericordiarum ! ego
fiebam miserior et tu propinquior. aderat iam
ianique dexteratua, raptura me de caeno et ablutura,
et ignorabam. nee me revocabat a profundiore
voIuj)tatum carnalium gurgite, nisi metus mortis et
futuri iudicii tui, qui per varias quidem opiniones,
nnmquam tamen recessit de pectore meo. et dis-
putabam cum amicis meis Alypio et Nebridio de
finibus bonorum et malorum, Epicurum accepturum
fuisse pal mam in animo meo, nisi ego credidissem
post mortem restare animae vitam et tractus meri-
lorum, quod Epicurus credere noluit. et quaerebam,
si essemus inmortales et in perpetua corporis volup-
tate sine ullo amissionis terrore viveremus, cur non
essemus beati, aut quid aliud qiiaereremus : nesciens
id ipsum ad magnam miseriam pertinere, quod ita
demersus et caecus c(»gitare non possem lumen
honestatis et gratis amplectendae pulchritudinis,
quam non videt oculus carnis, et videtur ex intimo.
320'

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

eager burning and anguish it festered ; and still it chap.
pained me, though alter a mure dull, jet alter a ^^
more desperate manner.

XVI

Of the Immorialiiy of the Soul

Praise be to thee, g^ory be to thee^ O Fountain of chap.
Mercies ! I became more miserable, and thou nearer ^^'^
unto me. Thy right hand was ready by and by to
pluck me out of the mire, and to wash me throughly,
but I knew not yet of it. Nor did anything call me
back from that deeper gulf of carnal pleasures, but
only the fear of death, and of thy judgment to come :
which, although divers opinions 1 conceived of it,
yet never went it utterly out of my breast. I dis-
puted in those days with my friends Alypius and
Xebridius concerning the limits of good and evil :
determining, that Epicurus in my judgment should
have won the garland, had I not verily believed that
there remained a life for the soul after the body was
dead, and the fruits of our deservjngs, which Epicurus
would not believe. And I put the question, that
suppose we were to be immortal, and were to live in
per{)elual enjoyment of bodily pleasures, and that
without fear of losing, why should we not then be
fully happy, and wherefore should we seek for any
other thing } Little knowing that even this very
thing was a part of my great misery, that being thus
drowned and blinded, I could not discern that light
of honesty and of beauty, (to be embraced for its own
sake), which the eye of the flesh cannot ken, it being
only by the inner man to be discerned. Nor did I

327

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VI
CAiv nec considerabam miser, ex qua vena mihi rnanaret,

XVT

quod ista ipsa, foeda, tamen cum amicis dulciter

obnferebam, nec esse sine amicis poteram beatus

etiam secundum sensum,quem tunc habebam, quanta-

libet afluentia carnalium voluptatum. quos utique

amicos gratis diligebam, vicissimque ab eis me diligi

gratis sentiebam. o tortuosas vias ! vae animae

meae audaci, quae speravit, si a te recessisset, se

aliquid melius habituram ! versa et reversa in ter-

gum et in latera et in ventrem, et dura sunt

omniaj et tu solus requies. et ecce ades et

liberas a miserabilibus erioribus et

constitues nos in via tua, et con-

solaris et dicis : " currite,

ego feram et ego per-

ducam et ibi ego

feram."

328

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VI

consider, wretch that I was, out of what vein it flowed, chap.
that even these conceits, (filthy ones as they were) ^^^
I with such pleasure conferred of with my friends,
nor could I be happy without friends, even accord-
ing to the opinion 1 then was of, how great abundance
soever of carnal pleasures beside I enjoyed. Which
friends verily I loved for their own sakes, and I found
myself to be in like manner beloved of them again.
Out upon these intricate ways ! Woe unto that
audacious soul of mine, which hoped, that had it
forsaken thee, it should have had some better thing !
Turned it hath, and turned again, upon back, sides,
and belly, yet found all places to be hard ; and that
thou art her rest only. And behold, thou art near at
hand ; and from our wretched errors thou de-
liverest us, and settlest us in thine own
way, and dost comfort, and say thus
unto us : Run on, I will carry
you : yea, I will bring you
to your journey's end,
and there also will
I carry you.

829

BOOK VII

LIBER SEPTIMVS
I

CAP. Iam mortua erat adulescentia mea mala et nefanda,
et ibam in iuventutem, quanto aetate maior, tanto
vanitate turpior, qui cogitare aliquid substantiae nisi
tale non poteram, quale per hos oculos videri solet.
non te cogitabam, deus, in figura corporis humani : ex
quo audire aliquid de sapientia coepi, semper hoc
fugi, et gaudebam me hoc reperire in fide spiritalis
matris nostrae, Catholicae tuae ; sed quid te aliud
cogitarem non occurrebat. et conabar cogitare te
homo, et talis homo, summum et solum et verum
deum, et te incorruptibilem et inviolabilem et in-
conmutabilem totis medullis credebam, quia nes-
ciens, unde et quomodo, plane tamen videbam et
certus eram, id quod corrumpi potest, deterius esse
quam id quod non potest, et quod violari non
potest, incunctanter praeponebam violabili, et quod
nullam patitur mutationem, melius esse quam id
quod mutari potest, clamabat violenter cor meum
H(l versus omnia phantasmata mea, ;et hoc uno ictii
conabar abigere circumvolantem turbam inmunditiae
332

THE SEVENTH BOOK
I

How rejecting corporeal Images, he bega?i to know
God to be incorporeal

Bv this time was that wicked and abominable time chap.
of my youth dead, and I went on into a more solid I
age : by how much the elder in years, so much the
fouler in vanity ; who could not imagine any other j
kind of substance than what I saw with these eyes. J
Yet thought I not thee, O God, to be comprehended
under the figure of an human body ; since the time
I began to hear anything of wisdom, I always avoided
that: and I rejoiced to have found thus much in the
faith of our spiritual Mother thy Catholic Church.
But what else I should think thee to be, I knew not.
And I being but a man, (and so mean a man too)
yet set I myself to believe thee to be the sovereign
and only true God : and that thou wert incorruptible, '
and inviolable, and uncljan^gaible, with all the powers
of my soul did 1 believe : because not knowing how
nor which way, yet clearly did I behold, and very
sure I was, that that which may be corrupted^ must \
needs be worse than that which cannot be corrupted ;
and that which cannot be violated, did I without any
sticking at prefer before that which was subject to
be violated : and that which suffers no change, I
judged to be much better than that which may suffer -
change. My heart passionately cried out upon all
my phantasms ; and with one blow I laid about me to
beat away all that fluttering troop of unclean fancies.

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBEPx VII

CAP. ab acie mentis meae : et vix dimota in ictu oculi, ecce
I

conglobata rursus aderat, et inruebat in aspectum

meum et obnubilabat eum, ut quamvis non forma

humani corporis, corpora um tamen aliquid cogitare

cogerer per spatia locorum, sive infusum mundo sive

etiam extra mundum per infinita difFusum, etiam

ipsum incorruptibile et inviolabile et incommutabile,

quod corruptibili et violabili et commutabili prae-

ponebam : quoniam quidquid privabam spatiis talibus,

nihil mihi esse videbatur, sed prorsus nihil^ ne inane

quidem, \tamquam si corpus auferatur loco et maneat

locus omni corpore vacuatus, et terreno et humido et

aerio et caelesti, sed tamen sit locus inanis, tamquam

spatiosum nihil.

Ego itaque incrassatus corde, nee mihimet ipsi vel

ipse conspicuus^ quidquid non per aliquanta spatia

tenderetur, vel diffuuderetur vel conglobaretur vel

tumeret, vel tale aliquid caperet aut capere posset,

nihil prorsus esse arbitrabar. iperquales enim formas

ire Solent oculi mei^ per tales imagines ibat cor

meum, nee videbam banc eandem intentionem, qua

illas i])sas imagines formabam, non esse tale aliquid :

quae tamen ipsas non formaret, nisi esset magnum

aliquid. ' ita etiam te, vita vitae meae, grandem per

infinita spatia undique cogitabam penetrare totam

mundi molem, et extra eam quaquaversum per

inmensa sine termino, ut haberet te terra, haberet

334

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

from the eye of my mind. And lo, being yet scarce CHAP,
put oif by the space of the twinkling of an eye, they ^
came in multitudes again about me, they pressed
upon my sight, and so beclouded it, that though I
thought thee not to be of the shape of a human
body, yet was I consti-ained to imagine thee to be
some corporeal substance, taking up vast spaces of
place : and that, eitliei* infused into this world, or
else diffused indefinitely without it : yea, even of
that incorruptible, and invisible, and unchangeable,
which 1 preferred before corruptible, and violable,
and changeable, did I imagine thus. Because that
whatsover I deprived of these spaces, seemed to be
nothing unto me ; yea, altogether nothing, not so
much as an emptiness verily; just as if a body
were taken out of its place, and the place should
remain empty of any body at all, either earthly, or
watery, or airy, or heavenly ; but should remain a
void space, as it were a spacious nothing.

I therefore being thus gross hearted (for I was not
even able to discern my very self); whatsoever was
not stretched out over certain spaces, nor diffused
abroad, nor amassed up into bulk, nor swelled into
breadth, or which did not or could not receive some
form of these dimensions, I thought to be a. just
nothing. For such forms agjny eyes arejwont tQ y ^t^ge
over, even such like images did mv h ^y^yt p pw yQve
aTter : nor did I yeFoBserve that this very attention
oT^mine, by which I formed these images, was not any
such corporeal substance ; which yet could not have
formed them, had not itself been some great thing.
In like manner did I conceive thee, O thou Life of
my life, to be some huge corporeal substance, on ^ ,
every side piercing through the whole globe of this
world ; yea, and diffused every way without it, and

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP. caelum, haberent omnia et ilia finirentur in te, tu
autem iiusquam. sicut aiitem luci solis non obsis-
teret aeris corpus, aeris huius, qui supra terram est,
quominus per eum traiceretur, penetrans eum non
dirrumpendo aut concidendo, sed implendo eum
totum : sic tibi putabam non solum caeli et aeris
et maris, sed etiam terrae corpus, pervium et ex
omnibus maximis minimisque partibus penetrabile ad
capiendam praesentiam tuam, occulta inspiratione
intrinsecus et extrinsecus administrante omnia, quae
creasti. j ita suspicabar, quia cogitare aliud non pote-
ram ; nam falsum erat. illo enim modo maior pars
terrae maiorem tui partem haberet, et minorem
minor, atque ita te plena essent omnia, ut amplius
tui caperet elephanti corpus quam passeris, quo esset
isto grandius grandioremque occuparet locum, atque
ita frustatim partibus mundi magnis magnas, brevibus
breves partes tuas praesentes faceres. non est autem
ita. sed nondum inluminaveras tenebras meas.

I

336

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK \TI

that by infinite spaces, though unbounded : so that CHAP,
tlie earth siiould have thee, the heaven should have ^ ^
thee, all thino^s should have thee, and that tliey
should be bounded in thee, but thou nowhere. For
as the body of the air which is above the earth,
hindereth not the light of the sun from passing
through it, which pierceth it, not by bursting or
cuttinsT, but by filling of it : so thought I, that not
only the body of the heaven, the air and sea only,
but of the earth too, to be at pleasure passable unto
thee, yea easy to be pierced by thee in all its
greatest and smallest parts, that all m.ight receive
thy presence, while a secret inspiration both in-
wardly and outwardly governeth all things which
thou hast created, ^^y s_^I_susj)^ecte_(|j^ bec^^ ^'liL
other thing I could not think of: and yet was^Cfiis
faTse too. For by tliis means should a greater part
of the earth have contained a larger portion of tliee,
and the less, a lesser: and then should all tbiirgs in
such sort have been full of thee, as that the body of
an elephant should contain so much more of thee
than the body of a sparrow, by how much that
should be bigger than this, and take up more room;
by which conceit shouldst thou make thy parts
present unto the several parts of the world by bits,
as it were, great gobbets to great parts, little bits
to little parts of the world. But t hus thou art not ...^y^
l^reservt. But thou hadst not as yet enlightened my"
darkness.

i537

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

II

CAT'. Sat erat mihi, domine^ adversus illos deceptos de-
II

ceptores et loquaces mutos, quoniam non ex eis

sonabat verbum tuum, sat erat ergo illud, quod iam
diu ab usque Carthagine a Nebridio proponi solebat,
et omnes, qui audiebamus, concussi sumus : quid erat
tibi iactura nescio qua gens tenebrarum, quam ex
ad versa mole solent proponere, si tu cum ea pugnare
noluisses ? si enim responderetur, aliquid fuisse noci-
turam, violabilis tu et corruptibibs fores, si autem
nihil ea nocere potuisse diceretur, nulla afferretur
causa pugnandi, et ita pugnandi, ut quaedam portio
tua et membrum tuum vel proles de ipsa substantia
tua misceretur ad\ ersis potestatibus et non a te crea-
tis naturis, atque in tantum ab eis corrumperetur et
commutaretur in deterius, ut a beatitudine in miseriam
verteretur, et egeret auxilio, quo erui purgarique pos-
set; et banc esse animam, cui tuus strmo, servienti
lil)er, et contamiiiatae purus, et corruptae integer,
subveniret, scd et ipse corruptibilis, quia ex una
eadenique substantia, itaque si te, quidquid es, id est
338

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS ROOK VII

II

Nehridiiix confutes the Manichees

I HAD answer enough, Lord, to oppose against those chap,
deceived deceivers, those dumb praters (therefore ^^
dumb because they sounded not forth thy word) : I
had answer enough, I say, in that which long ago,
whiles we were at Carthage, Nebridius used to pro-
pound ; at which all we that heard it were much
staggered ; namely ; What that imaginary nation of
darkness, which the Manichees were wont to set in
opposition against thee, would have done unto thee,
hadst thou refused to fight with it ? For, had they
answered, it would have done thee some hurt ; then
shouldst thou have been subject to violence and cor- ^
ruption : but if they answered, it could do thee no
hurt, then would there have been no reason brought
for thy fighting with it : especially for such a fight-
ing, in which some certain portion or member of
thine, or some oHspring of thy substance should have
been mingled with those contrary powers, those
natures not created by thee ; by whom it should so
fcir have been corrupted and changed to the worse,
that it should have been turned from happiness into
misery, and should have stood in need of some assist-
ance, by which it must both be delivered and purged :
and that this offspring of thy substance was our soul ;
which, being enthralled, thy Word that was free ;
which being defiled, thy Word that was pure ; which
being maimed, thy Word that was entire, might every
way relieve: and yet that W^ord itself also be cor-
ruptible, because it was the off'spring of one and the
same substance. Therefore should they affirm thee,

339

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIOXVM LIBER VII
CAP. substantiam tuam^ qua es, incorruptibilein dicerent,
falsa esse ilia omnia et exsecrabilia ; si autem
corruptibilem, id ipsum iam falsum et prima voce
aboniinandum. sat erat ergo istuc, adversus eos
omni modo evomendos a pressura pectoris, quia noii
habebant, qua exirent, sine horribili sacrilegio cordis
et linguae, sentiendo de te ista et loquendo.

Ill

CAP. Sed et ego adhue, quamvis incontaminabilem et
inconvertibilem et nulla ex parte mutabilem dicerem
firmeque sentirem dominum nostrum, deum verum,
qui fecisti non solum animas nostras sed etiam cor-
pora, nee tantum nostras animas et corpora, sed
omnes et omnia ; /non tenebam explicitam et enoda-
tam causam mali. quaecumque tamen esset, sic earn
quaerendam videbam, ut non per illam constringerer
deum incommutabilem mutabilem credere, ne ipse
fierem quod quaerobam. itaque securus earn quaere-
bam, et certus non esse verum quod illi dicerent,
quos toto animo fugiebam ; quia videbam quaerendo,
unde malum, repletos malitia, qua opinarentur tuam
potius substantiam male pati quam suam. male facere,
340

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

whatsoever thou art, that is, thy substance, to be chap
incorruptible ; then were all these fancies of theirs ^^
most false and execrable. But if they should affirm
thee to be corruptible ; even that were most false,
and to be abhorred at the first hearing. This argu-
ment therefore of Nebridius verily had been enough
against those, who deserved wholly to be spewed out
of my over-charged stomach ; for that they had no
evasion to betake themselves unto, without most hor-
rible blasphemy both of heart and tongue, thinking
and speaking of thee in this fashion.

' Free H'ill is the cause of Sin

UT I as yet. although I both said and thought most chai
confidently, that thou our Lord the true God, (who ^^^
madest not only our souls but our bodies ; and not only
both souls and bodies, but us all, and all things else
besides) wert neither to be corrupted nor altered one
way or other; yet understood I not clearly and without
difficulty the cause of evil. And yet whatever it were,
I perceived I ought in that sense to enquire after it,
that I might not be constrained to believe that the
incommutable God could be altered by it : lest my-
self should be made the thing that I was seeking. Tim

After this therefore I sought it without anxietv

s. .'k

aiise (il

being very certain that the Manichees' tenet (whom
I dissented from with my whole heart) was no way
true ; for that I discovered them, whilst they enquired
the cause of evil, to be most full of maliciousness;
' they thinking that thy substance did rather suffer ill
than their own commit evil. - ,. --.-.-^ •-

i.

341

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBEK VII
CAF. Et intendebam, ut cernerem quod audiebam, libe-
rum voluntatis arbitrium causam esse, ut male facere-
mus, et rectum iudicium tuum ut pateremur, et eam
liquidam cernere non valebam. itaque aciem mentis
de profundo educere conatus, mergebar iterum, et
saepe conatus mergebar iteium atque iterum. sub-
levabat enim me in lucem tuam, quod tarn sciebam
me habere voluntatem quam me vivere. itaque cum
aliquid vellem aut noUem, non alium quam me velle
ac nolle certissimus eram, et ibi esse causam peccati
mei iam iamque advertebam. quod autem invitus
facerem, pati me potius quam facere videbam, et id
non culpam, sed poenam esse iudicabam, qua me non
iniuste plecti te iustum cogitans cito fatebar. sed
rursus dicebam : " quis fecit me ? nonne deus meus,
non tantum bonus, sed ipsum bonum? unde igitur
mihi male velle et bene nolle ? ut esset, cur iuste
poenas luerem? quis in me hoc posuit et insevit
mihi plantarium amaritudinis, cum totus fierem a
dulcissimo deo meo? si diabolus auctor, unde ipse
diabolus ? quod si et ipse perversa voluntate ex bono
angelo diabolus factus est, unde et in ipso voluntas
mala, qua diabolus fieret, quando totus angelus a
conditore optimo factus esset f ' ' his cogitationibus de-
primebar iterum et suffocabar, sed non usque ad ilium
infernum subducebar erroris, ubi tiemo tibi confitetur,
dum tu potius mala pati quam homo facere putatur.
S42

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

Whereupon I applied my industry to understand the chap.
truth of what I had heard, how that Free Will should ^^^
I be the cause of our evil doing : and thy just judg-
ment, that we suffer evil. But I was not able clearly
to discern it. Endeavouring therefore to draw the
eye of my soul out of that pit, I was again plunged
into it ; and endeavouring often, I was plunged as
often. For this raised me a little up towards thy
light, that I now knew as well that I had a will, as
that I had a life : and when therefore I did either
will or nill anything, I was most sure of it, that I
and no other did will and nill : and there was the
cause of my sin, as I perceived presently. But what
I did against my will, that I seemed to suffer rather
than to do : that judged I not to be my fault, but
my punishment ; whereby, I holding thee most just,
quickly confessed myself to be not unjustly punished.
But I objected to myself again: Who made me.''
^ Did not my God, who is not only good, but Goodness
' itself .-^ Whence then came it that I can both will
evil and nill good ? that there might be cause found
why I should be justly punished for it.'* Who w^as
it that set this in me, that ingrafted into my stem
this scion of bitterness, seeing I was wholly made
up by my most sweet God } If the Devil were the
author, whence is that same Devil ? And if he him-
self by his own perverse will, of a good angel became
a devil, whence then proceeded that perverse will in
him, to make him a devil, seeing that he had been
made all angel by that most good Creator.^ And
by such thoughts as these was I again cast down and
overwhelmed : yet not so far brought down was I as
the hell of that error, where no man confesseth unto
thee, when thou art rather thought to suffei: eyiL
thauQ man to do evil.

^43

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

IV

CAP. Sic enim nitebar invenire cetera, ut iam inveneram

IV

melius esse incorruptibile quam corruptibile, et ideo
te^ quidquid esses^ esse incorruptibilem confitebar.
neque enim ulla anima umquam potuit poteritve cogi-
tare aliquid^ quod sit te melius, qui summum et
oj)timum bonum es. cum autem verissime atque cer-
-tissime incorruptibile corruptibili praeponatur, sicut
ego iam praeponebam, poteram iam cogitatione aliquid
adtingere, quod esset melius deo meo, nisi tu esses
incorruptibilis. ubi igitur videbam incorruptibile cor-
ruptibili esse praeferendum, ibi te quaerere debebam,
atque inde advertere, ubi sit malum, id est unde sit
ipsa corruptio, qua violari substantia tua nuUo modo
potest. / nullo enim prorsus violat corruptio deum
nostrum, nulla voluntate, nulla necessitate, nullo in-
proviso casu, quoniam ipse est deus, et quod sibi vult,
bonum est, et ipse est idem bonum ; corrumjn autem
non est bonum. nee cogeris invitiis ad aliquid, quia
voluntas tua non est maior quam potentia tua. esset
autem maior, si te ipso tu ipse maior esses : voluntas
enim et potentia dei deus ipse est. quid improvisum
tibi, qui nosti omnia ? et nulla natura est, nisi quia
nosti earn, et ut quid multa dicimus, cur non sit cor-
ruptibilis substantia, quae deus est, quando, si Ikh-
esset, non esset deus ?
344

IV

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

IV

God cannot he covipelled

In this sort did I endeavour now to find out the rest, chap.
as I had already found, that what was incorruptible
must needs be better than that which was corruptible :
and thee, therefore, whatsoever thou wert, did I ac-
knowledge to be incorruptible. For never yet soul
was, nor ever shall be able to think upon anything
which may be better than thou, who art the sovereign
and the best good. But whereas most truly and cer-
tainly, that which is incorruptible is to be preferred
before what is corruptible,(like as I did then prefer it),
I might very well have reached in my thoughts to
something that should be better than my God, hadst
thou not been incorruptible. Seeing therefore that
incorruptible ought to be preferred before corruptible, ^
^ at that j)oint ought I to have sought out thee, and I
thTnce'set out to observe where evil is ; that is, even j
whence corruption comes ; by which thy substance 1
can by no means be infected. P^or corruption does no j
ways infect our God ; by no will, by no necessity, by
no unlooked for chance : because he is God, and what
he wills, is good ;• and he himself is that Good ; but to
be corrupted is not good. Nor art thou, O God, against
thy will constrained to anything, for that thy will is not
greater than thy power. But greater should it be, were
thyself greater than thyself. For the will and j)(nver of
Gcd, is God himself". And what chanoe can s^Lj;p.i:j,ge
thee unlooked for, who knowest all things.^ Nor is
there an\ nature of things, b1itT3ecalise thoTi knowest
it. And why should we use more arguments to prove,
why that substance which Cod is should not be cor-
ruptible, seeing if it were so, it should not be God ?

345

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

CAP. Et quaerebam, unde malum^ et male quaerebam et
^ in ipsa inquisitione mea non videbam malum, fetcon-
stituebam in conspectu spiritus mei universam crea-
turam, quidquid in ea cernere possumus (sicuti est
terra et mare et aer et sidera et arbores et animalia
mortalia), et quidquid in ea non videmus (sicut firma-
mentum caeli insuper et omnes angelos et cuncta
spiritalia eius, sed etiam ipsa^ quasi corpora essent,
locis et locis ordinata, ut imaginatio mea) ; et feci
unam massam grandem, distinctam generibus corpo-
rum, creaturam tuam, sive re vera quae corpora erant^
sive quae ipse pro spiritibus finxeram; et eam feci
grandem, non quantum erat, quod scire non poteram^
sed quantum libuit, undiqueversum sane finitam :
te autem, domine, ex omni parte ambientem et
penetrantem eam, sed usquequaque infinitum ; tam-
quam si mare esset, ubique et undique per inmensa
infinitum solum mare, et liaberet intra se spongiam
quamlibet magnam, sed finitam tamen, plena esset
utique spongia ilia ex omni sua parte ex inmenso
mari : sic creaturam tuam finitam te infinite plenam
putabam, et dicebam : " ecce deus, et ecce quae creavit
deus, et bonus deus atque his validissime longissime-
S46

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

V

/ He pursues his enquiries after the root of sin

And I sought whence evil should be, and I sought CHAP,
ill : nor did I see that evil which was in this very ^
enquiry of mine. I set now before the eyes of my
spirit the whole creation, and whatsoever I could
discern in it ; as the sea, the earth, the air, the stars,
the trees, the mortal creatures ; yea, and whatever
else in it we do not see, as the firmament of the
heaven ; all the angels moreover, and all the spiritual
inhabitants thereof, but yet as if all these had been
bodies, disposed in such and such places, as my fancy
took me. And I made one great mass of all thy
creatures, distinguished by their several kinds of
bodies ; those that were i)odies indeed, or tiiose
that I had myself feigned instead of spirits. And
this mass I made huge enough, not yet so great as
in itself it was, (which 1 could not come to the know-
ledge of) but as big as I thought convenient, yet
every way finite. But thee, O Lord, I imagined on
every part environing and penetrating it, though
every way infinite. As if there were supposed to be
a sea, which everywhere and on every side, by a
most unmeasurable infiniteness should be only a sea ;
and that sea sliould contain in it some huge sponge, "^
but yet finite ; which sponge must needs be every-
where and on every side filled with that unmeasur-
able sea. So thought I tliy whole creation to be in
itself finite, filled by thee who art infinite; and I
said. Behold God, and behold what God hath
created ; and God is good, yea, most mightily and
incomparably better than all these : and God,

347

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP. que praestantior ; sed tamen bonus bona creavit : et
ecce quomodo ambit atque implet ea ?] ubi ergo
malum et unde et qua hue inrepsit ? quae radix eius
et quod semen eius ? an omnino non est ? cur ergo
timemus et cavemus quod non est ? aut si inaniter
timemus, timor ipse malum est, quo incassum stimu-
latur et excruciatur cor ; et tanto gravius malum,
quanto non est, quod timeamus, et timemus. ideirco
aut est malum, quod timemus, aut hoc malum est,
quia timemus, unde est igitur, quia deus fecit haec
omnia, bonus bona ? maius quidem et summum bonum
minora fecit bona, sed tamen et creans et creata bona
sunt omnia, unde est malum ? an unde fecit ea, ma-
teries aliqua mala erat, et formavit atque ordinavit
eam, sed reliquit aliquid in ilia, quod in bonum non
converteret? cur et hoc.'' an inpotens erat totam
vertere et conmutare, ut nihil mali remaneret, cum
sit omnipolens? postremo cur inde aliquid facere
voluit, ac non potius eadem omnipotentia fecit, ut
nulla esset omnino.'* aut vero exsistere poterat
contra eius voluntntem ? aut si aeterna erat, cur tam
diu per infinita retro spatia temporum sic eam sivit
esse, ac tanto post placuit aliquid ex oa facere? aut
iam, si aliquid subito voluit agere, hoc potius ageret
omnipotens, ut ilia non esset, atque ipse solus esset
totum verum et surmnmn et infinitum bonum.? aut
348

I

ST. Al'Gl STINKS CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

being himself good, created all them good ; and see CHAr
how he environeth and fulfils them all. Where is ^^
evil then, and from whence, and how crept it in
hither ? What is the root, and what the seed of it?
Or hath it at all no being } W hy then do we fear and
beware of that winch hath no being.'* Or if we fear
it in vain, then surely is that very fear an evil, which
in vain so gores and torments the soul. Yea, and so
much a greater evil, by how much there wants of
being anything, which we should stand in fear of,
and yet we do fear. Therefore is there some evil
thing which we fear, or else the very act of fearing
is evil. Whence is evil therefore, seeing God who is
good, hath created all these things good ; that is, the
greater and chiefest Good hath created these lesser
goods ; yet both he creating, and they created,
are all good ? Whence now is evil ? Was there
some evil matter, of which God made it, and as God
formed and ordered it, did he leave anything in
it which lie did not convert intogo()d ? But why did
he so ? Was he not able so to turn and change the
whole lump, that no evil should have remained in it,
seeing he is able to do anything ? Lastly, why would
he make anything at all of that, and did not by the
same omnipotency rather cause that there should be
no such thing at all ? Or, indeed, was it able to be
of itself against his will ? Or if that evil matter had
been from eternity, why sufiVred he it so long to con-
tinue through infinite spaces of times past, and was
pleased so long while after to make something out ot
it ? Or if he were suddenly pleased now to go about
some work, this rather should the Onmipotent have
done, have caused (namely) that this evil matter
should not at all have been, and that he himself
should have been alone, that sovereign and infinite

349

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIT
CAP. si non erat bene, ut non aliqiiid boni etiam fabri-
caretur et eonderet qui bonus erat, ilia sublata et ad
nihil um redacta materie, quae mala erat, bonam ipse
institueret, unde omnia crearet? non enim esset
omnipotens, si condere non posset aliquid boni, nisi
ea quam non ipse condiderat adiuvaretur materia."
/ talia volvebam peetore misero, ingravidato curis mor-
dacissimis de timore mortis et non inventa veritate ;
stabiliter tamen baerebat in corde meo in Catholica
ecclesia fides Christi tui, domini et salvatoris nostri,
in multis quidem adhuc informis et praeter doctrinae
normam fluitans ; sed tamen non earn relinquebat
animus, immo in dies magis magisque inbibebat.

VI

CAP. 1am etiam mathematiconim fallaces divinationes et
inpia deliramenta reieceram. confiteantur etiam
bine tibi de intimis visceribus animae meae misera-
tiones tuae, deus meus ! tu enim, tu omnino — nam
quis alius a morte omnis erroris revocat nos, nisi vita,
quae mori nescit, et sapientia mentes indigentes in-
Inminans, nullo indigens lumine, qua mundus admini-
stratur usque ad arborum volatica folia ? — tu procur-
asli pervicaeiae meae, qua obluctatus sum Vindiciano
350

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

Good. Or if it had not been good that he who was CHAF.
jTood should not frame and create something also ^
tliat were good ; then, that evil matter being first
taken away, and brought into nothing, should he
immediately have taken order for some good matter,
whereof he might create all things. For he shoald
not be omnipotent, if he were not able to create
something that were good of itself, unless he were
assisted by that matter which himself had not created.
These thoughts tossed 1 up and down in my miser-
able heart, overcharged with biting cares, through
the fear of death, and not finding out the truth ; yet
did the faith of thy Christ our Lord and Saviour,
professed in the Catholic Church, firmly continue
in my heart, though in divers particulars verily not
vet perfected, and swerving from the right rule of
doctrine ; yet did not my mind utterly leave it off,
but every day took in more and more of it.

VI

Divhmtionx wade by the Mathematicinfis are vain

By this time also had I rejected those deceitful char
divinations, and impious dotages of the astrologers. ^^
Let thine own mercies, out of the most inward bowels
of my soul, confess unto thee for this, O my God.
For thou, thou altogether (for who else is it that
calls us back from the death of all errors, but even
that life which knows not how to die ; and that wis-
dom which enlightens those minds that need it,
itself needing no light: by which the whole world
is governed, even to the fluttering leaves of the
trees ?) thou took est order for that stiff of)inion of
mine, by which I struggled with Vindicianus, that

351

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

CAP. acuto seni^ et Nebridio adulescenti mirabilis animae,
VI , .

illi vehementer adfirmantij huic cum dubitatione qui-

dem aliqua, sed tamen crebro dicenti, non esse illam

artem futura praevidendi, coniecturas autem hominum

habere saepe vim soitis, et multa dicendo dici plera-

que Ventura, nescientibus eis, qui dicerent, sed in ea

non tacendo incurrentibus : procurasti tu ergo homi-

nem amicum, non quidem segnem consultorem mathe-

maticorum, nee eas litteras bene callentem, sed, ut

dixi, consultorem curiosum, et tamen scientem aliquid,

quod a patre suo se audisse dicebat : quod quantum

valeret ad illius artis opinionem evertendam, ignora-

bat. is ergo vir nomine Firminus, liberaliter institu-

tus et excultus eloquio, cum me tamquam carissimum

de quibusdam suis rebus, in quas saecularis spes eius

intumuerat, consuleret, quid mihi secundum suas quas

constellationes appellant videretur, ego autem, qui

iam de hiic re in Nebridii sententiam flecti coepei am,

non quidem abnuerem conicere, ac dicere quod nu-

tanti occurrebat ; sed tamen subicerem, prope iam

esse mihi persuasum ridicula ilia esse et inania : tum

ille mihi narravit, patrem suum fuisse librorum talium

curiosissimum et habuisse amicum aeque illasimulque

sectaiitem. qui pari studio et conlatione flagrabant

in eas nugas igne cordis sui, ita ut mutorum quo-

q\ie animalium^ si quae domi parerent, observarent

momenta nascentium atque ad ea caeli positionem

352

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VH

sharpsighted old man^ and with Nebridius that admir- chap.
able spirited young man : the first vehemently affirm- ^ ^
ing, the latter often (though with some doubtfulness)
saying, that there was no art whereby things to come
might be foreseen : but that men's conjectures had
oftentimes the help of fortune ; and that by talking
many things, something to come was oft-times per-
chance forespoken of; the parties that spake little
knowing of it, but stumbling now and then upon
the right, by their not saying nothing. Thou, there-
fore, providedst a friendly man for me, and he no
negHgent consulter with the astrologers : yet not
throughly skilled in those arts, but, as I said, a curious
consulter with them ; and one that knew something,
which he had heard of his father, as he said : which
how far it might prevail to overthrow the opinion of
that art, he knew not. This man therefore, Firminus
by name, having been finely bred, and well taught ;
asking my advice, as a dear friend of his, concerning
divers affairs of his own, which his worldly hopes
were big swollen withal ; and what I conjectured
of him by his constellations, as they call them :
I, who now began to incline in this particular to-
wards Nebridius' opinion, did not, to say troth, refuse
to make conjecture upon it, and to tell him as much
as came in my unresolved mind : but told him withal,
that I was even almost persuaded in my heart that
these were but vain and ridiculous follies. He there-
upon up and told me, how his father had been very
curious after such books, and how he had a friend as
earnest as himself at them. These with joint study
and conference were hot upon these toys, by the fire
of their hearty affection, insomuch that they would
observe even the very minutes of the bringing forth
of young, of those dumb creatures which they kept
I / S5S

S. AVGVSTINl CONFRSSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP. nota>ent, unde illius quasi artis exprrimeiita collige-
rerit. itaque di eb tt audisse se a p itre suo, quod, cum
eundem Firminum praegnans mater esset, etiam illius
paterni amici famula quaedam pariter utero grandes-
cebat. quod latere uon potuit dominum, qui etiam
canum suarum partus examinatissima dib'gentia nosse
eurabat; atqueita factum esse, ut cum iste coniugis,
ille autem ancillae dies et horas minutioresque hora-
rum articulos cautissima observatioue numerarent,
euixae essent ambae simul ; ita ut easdem coiistella-
tiones usque ad easdem minutias utrique nascenti
facere cogerentur, iste filio, ille servuio. nam cum
muliert s parturire coepissent, indicaverunt sibi ambo,
quid sua cuiusque domo ageretur, et paraverunt quos
ad se invicem mitterent, simul ut natum quod par-
tui'iebatur esset cu'que nuntiatum : quod tamen ut
oontinuo nuntiaretur, tamquam in regno suo facile
effecerant. atque ita qui ab alterutro missi sunt, tarn
ex paribus donioriim intervnllis sibi obviam factos esse
dicebat, ut nliam ])ositi()7ieiu siderum aiiasqiir parti-
culas inoint'iitorum neuter eoruiii notare sineretur.
ct iMinen I'^irniinus aiiiplo apud siios loco natns, deal-
batiores vins satu'uii ciirsitabat, augeliatur diviliis,!
sublimabutur lionoribiis : servus antem ille, conditiouis
iugo nidlateiuis relaxato. domir)is serviebat : ipso iiuli-
cante, (pii noverat eum.

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

about their houseSj and made observations withal oi CH.^r,
Ihe position of the heavens at those minutes, to the ^^
intent to gather experiments of this art, as it were.
So he said how he had heard of his father, that
what time as his mother was big with him, the said
Firminus, a certain maid servant of that friend
of his father's was big with child also; which her
master could not be ignorant of, who took care with
most diligent examination to get knowledge even of
his very bitches. And how it so fell out, tliat when
one for his wife, and the other for his servant, with
the cai-efuilest observation reckoned the days, yea,
the hours, nay, the very least particles of the hours,
that both of them were brought to bed hi the same
instant: insomuch that both of them .ere con-
strained to allow the very same hor- scop , even to
the very smallest points, he for hi^ son's b rth, and
the other for his little servant. I or so s nin as the
women began to fall in labour, they both gave notice
lo one another of what was fallen out in either of
their houses, and had messengers ready to send to
one another, so soon as each had notice of the child's
being born, which they could easily procure to have
instant notice of, as being in their own kingdom. And
he said that the messengers sentfrom one another,met
by the way, in such equal distance from either house,
that neither of the calculators could observe any other
position of the stars, or seconds of minutes, than the
other had done. And yet Firminus born to a fair for-
tune in his parents' house, ran his course tlirough
brighter ways of the world, throve well in riches,
raised himself to honour : whereas that little servant,
notable any way to free himself of the yoke of slavery
he was born unto, continued to serve his masters ; as
himself told the story, who well enough knew him.

355

I

AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONV M LIBER VIl
CAP. His itaque auditis et creditis — talis quippe narra-
verat — omnis ilia reluctatio mea soluta concidit : et
primo Firminum ipsiim coiiatus sum ab ilia curiosi-
tate revocare, cum diceremj constellationibus eius
inspectis ut vera pronuntiarem^ debuisse me uti-
que videre ibi parentes inter siios esse primarios^
nobilem familiam propriae civitatis^ natales ingeniios,
hone lam edueationem liberalesque doctrinas ; at si
me ille servus ex eisdem constellalionibus — quia et
illius ipsae essent — consuluisset, ut eidem quoque vera
proferrem, debuisse me rursus ibi videre abiectissi-
mam familiam, conditionem servilem, et cetera longe
a prioribus aliena longeque distantia. uiide autem
fieret^ ut eadem inspiciens diversa dicerem, si vera
dicerem — si autem eadem dicerem, falsa dicerem—
inde certissime colligi, ea quae vera corisideratis con-
stellatiouibus dicerentur, non arte dici;, sed sorte,
quae autem falsa, non artis inperitia, sed sortis
mendacio.

Hinc autem accepto aditu ipse mecum talia rumi-
nando, ne quis eorundem delirorum, qui talem qaae-
stum sequerentur, quos iam iamque invadere atque
inrisos refellere cupiebam, mihi ita resisteret, quasi
aut Firminus mihi aut illi pater falsa narraverit,
inteiidi considerationem in eos qui gemini nascuntur,
356

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK Vil

Upon the hearing and believing of these things uha^p.
for that such a man of credit had told them ; all that ^^
former resolute reluctancy of mine fell quite to the
ground. And first of all I endeavoured to reclaim
Firminus from that curiosity, by telling him, that for
me, upon the inspection of his constellation, to fore-
tell what should truly happen to him, I ought verily
first to have seen in them, how his parents had been
eminent persons among their neighbours, and that
he had been descended of a noble familv in his own
city, that he was free born, educated like a gentle-
man, and very well studied. But if that servant,
upon the same constellations, which were common
to him too, had asked me to tell him his true i'or-
tune ; I ought on the other side to have seen in
them the baseness of his lineage, the slavishness of
his condition, and those other particulars so much
different, and so far distant from the other Gentle-
man's. Since then it came to pass, that looking
upon the same constellations, I should read divers
fortunes, if I should speak the truth ; and if I should
pronounce the same fortunes, I should lie falsely:
therefore did I also collect most certainly, that what-
ever upon consideration of these constellations was
foretold truly, was not spoken out of art, but chance :
and whatever was delivered falsely, was not out of
the unskilfulness of the art, but out of the falsehood
of the chance.

Being thus entered into the business, and thinking
with myself more seriously upon suchlike arguments ;
that no one of those dotards (who lived by such
shifts, whom I had an itch even out of hand to cope
withal, and with derision to confute) might here-
after confront me so, as if either Firminus had
informed me falsely, or his father him : I bent ray

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP. cjiioriim plerique ita post invicem fnnduntur ex utero,
ut jparvum ipsum temporis intervalluui, quantamlibet
vim in reriim natura habere contendant^ coUigi tamen
liumana observatione iion ])ossit litterisque signari
omnino non valeat. qiias mathematicus inspecturus
est^ nt vera proiumtiet. et non erunt vera, quia
easdem litteras inspiciens eadem debuit dicere de
Es.tn et lacob ; sed non eadem utrique acciderunt.
falsa ergo dicerot aut_, si vera diceret, non eadem
diceret : at eadem inspiceret. non ergo arte, sed
sorte vera diceret. tu enim. domine^iustissime mode-
rator univer&itatiSj consulentibiis consultisque nescien-
tibiis occulto instinctu agis, ut, dum quisque consulit,
hoc aiidiat, quod eum oportet and ire occultis meritis
animarum ex abysso iusti iudicii tui. cui non dicat
hcmo : '^'quid est hoc?" "iitquid hoe.^ " non dicat.
noii dicat; lionio est enim.

?J58

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

consideration upon those that are born twins, who CHAP
for the most part come out of the womb so near one ^^
to another, as that small distance of time between
them (how much force soever in reality these fellows
avow it to have) yet cannot be estimated by any
observation of man, nor can it be set down in the
tables which the astrologer is to look into, to pro-
nounce the truth. Nor shall they ever tell tiuth :
for then, he that had looked u|)on the same figures,
must have told the same fortunes both of Esau and
of Jacob; whereas the same things no ways happened
to them both. Needs therefore must he have said
falsely : or if he had said truly, he must not have said
the same things, whereas he looked upon the same
figures. Had he therefore pronounced truly, it
should have been by chance, and not by art. For
thou, O Lord most Just, the Ruler of the universe,
(even while they that ask the advice, and those that
i;ive it too, know not what they do) workest by so
!iidden an instinct for both, that he who consults
lears what he ought to hear, out of the unsearch-
able bottom of thy just judgment, in respect of the
hidden deservings of the souls. To whom, let not
man say, what is this, or what is that? T-et him
not t;ay so, never let him say so: seeing hv is but a
man.

S.5Q

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

VII

CAP. Iam itaque me. adiutor meus, illis vinciilis solveras,
VII ^

et quaerebam, unde malum^ et non erat exitus. sed

me non sinebas uUis fluctibus cogitationis auferri ab

ea fide, qua credebam et esse te, et esse inconmii-

tabilem siibstantiam tuam^ et esse de hominibus

curam et iudicium tuum ; et in Christo, filio tuo,

domino nostro, atque scripturis Sanctis, quas ecclesiae

tuae Catholicae commendaret auctoritas, viam te

posuisse salutis humanae ad earn vitam, quae post

lianc mortem futura est. his itaque sal vis atque

inconciisse roboratis in animo meo, quaerebam

aestuans, unde sit malum, j quae ilia tonnenta par-

turientis cordis mei, qui gemitus, deus meus ! et ibi

erant aures tuae nesciente me. et cum in silentio

fortiter quaererem, magnae voces erant ad miseri-

cordiam tuam, tacitae contritiones animi mei. tu

sciebas, quid patiebar, et nullus hominum. quantum

enim erat, quod inde digerebatur per linguam meam

in aures familiarissimorum meorum ! numquid tu-

multus animae meae, cui nee tempora nee os meum

sufficiebat, sonabat eis ? totum tamen ibat in audi-

tum tuum, quod rugiebam a gemitu cordis mei, et

ante te erat desiderium meum et lumen oculorum

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

VII

He is 7niserably tortured in his Euqidry after the
Root of Evil
And now, O my Helper, hadst thou discharged me chap.
from those fetters : and presently enquired I whence
evil should be, but found no way out of my question.
But thou sufferedst me not to be carried away from
the faith by any waves of those thoughts ; by which
faith I believed both that thou wert, and that thy
substance was unchangeable, and that thou hadst a
care of, and passed st thy judgment upon men : and
that in Christ thy Son, our Lord, and thy holy
Scriptures which the authority of thy Church should
acknowledge, thou hast laid out a way of man's
salvation, to pass to that life which is to come after
death. These grounds remaining safe and irremove-
ably settled in my mind, I with much anxiety sought,
from what root the nature of evil should proceed.
What torments did my teeming heart then endure,
and what groans, O my God ! Yet even to them
were thine ears open, and I knew it not : and when
in silence I so vehemently enquired after it, those
silent contritions of my soul were strong cries for thy
mercy. Thou, and no man, knewest how much I
suffered. For, how little was that which my tongue
sent forth into the ears of my most familiar friends !
Did I disclose to them the whole tumult of my soul,
for which neither my time nor tongue had been
sufficient } Yet did all of it ascend into thy hearing,
which I roared out from the groans of my heart ; yea,
my whole desires were laid up before thee, nor was Ps. xxxrli

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

CAP. meorum iion erat me cum. intus enim erat. ego
vir

a litem foriS;, nee in loco illud. at ego intendebam in

ea^ quae locis continentur; et non ibi inveniebam

locum ad requiescendum^ nee recipiebant me ista^

ut dicei em : ""^ sat est et bene est," nee dimittebant

redire^ ubi milii satis esset bene, superior enim eram

istis, te vero inferior, et tu gaudium verum mihi

subdito tibi, et tu mihi subieceras quae infra me

creasti. et hoc erat rectum temperamentum et

media regio salutis meae, ut manerem ad imaginem

tuaui et tibi serviens dominarer corpori. sed cum

superbe contra te surge rem et curreieni .idversus

dominum in cervice crassa scuti mei, etiam ista

infima supra me facta sunt et premebant, et nusquam

erat laxamentum et respiramentum. ipsa occurre-

bant undique acervatim et conglobatim cernenti,

cogitanti autem imagines corporum ipsae oppone-

bantur redeunti^ quasi diceretur : '^quo is, indigne et

sordide r " et haec de vulnere meo creverant, quia

humiliasti tamquam vulneratum superbum, et tumore

meo separabar abs te, et nimis infiata facies claudebat

oculos meos.

362

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

I master of so much as of the light of mine own eyes : oJELAP.
for that was all turned inward, but I outward ; nor ^^^
was that in its place : bat I bent myself to those
things that are contained in places, and there I
found no place to rest in; nor did those places so
entertain me, that I could say, It is enough, and 'Tis
well : nor did they yet suffer me to turn back, where
I might find well being enoi.gh. For to these things
was I superior, but inferior to thee : and thou art the
true Joy of me thy subject : and thou hast subjected
under me those things which thou createdst below
me. And this was the happy mean, and the middle
region of my safety, where I might remain conform-
able to thine image, and by serving thee, get the
dominion over mine own ])ody. But whenas I rose
up proudly against thee, and when I ran upon niy Job xv. 2(J
Lord with the thick neck of my buckler ; then were
these inferior things made my overmatches, and kept
me under, nor could I get either releasement or space
of breathing. They ran on all sides by heaps and
troops upon me, broad-looking on them ; but when I
thought, these corporeal images waylaid me as 1
turned back, as if they should say unto me ; Whither
goest thou, O thou unworthy and base creature ?
And all these had grown out of my wound ; for thou
hast humbled the proud like as him that is wounded, l*s-
and through my own swelling was I set further oft' ''^^-'^^^- ^^
from thee ; yea, my cheeks, too big swollen, even
blinded up mine eyes.

3(JS

AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER VII

VII [

CAP. Tu vero, domine, in aeteinum manes, et non in
aeternum irasceris nobis, quoniam miseratus es
terram et cinerem, et placuit in conspeetu tuo
reformare deformia mea. et stimulis internis agita-
bas me, ut inpatiens essem, donee mihi per inte-
riorem aspectum certus esses, et residebat tumor
mens ex occulta manu medicinae tuae, aciesque con-
turbata et contenebrata mentis meae acri collyrio
salubrium dolorum de die in diem .sanabatur.

IX

CAP. Et primo volens ostendere mihi, quam resistas super-
bis, humilibus autem des gratiam, et quanta miseri-
cordia tua demonstrata sit hominibus via humilitatis,
quod verbum caro factum est et habitavit inter
liomines : procurasti mihi per quendam hominem, in-
manissimo typho turgidum, quosdam Platonicorum
libros ex graeca lingua in latinum versos ;. et ibi legi
non quidem his verbis, sed hoc idem omnino multis
et multiplicil)us suaderi rationibus, quod in principio
erat verbum ct verlnmi erat apud denm ct deus erat

ruii.

ST. ALGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

VIII

How the Mercy of God at length relieved him

Thou, Lord, art tlie same for ever : nor art thou CHAP.
angry witli us for ever, because thou hast pity upon ^ ^^^
thist and ashes : and it was pleasing in thy sight to
reform my deformities ; and by inward galHngs didst
thou startle me, that I should become unquiet, till
such time as it might be assured unto my inward
sight, that it was thou thyself. Thus, by the secret
hand of thy medicining was my swelling abated ;
and that tnmbled and bedimmed eyesight of my
soul, by the smart eye-salve of mine own wholesome
dolours, dailv began more and more to be cleared.

I

^B U hat he found in some Books of the Plalunisfs,
^^ agreeable to the ChrisLian Doctrine

And thou being desirous first of all to shew unto me chap.
how thou resistest the proud, but givest grace unto ^-^
the humble ; and with what great mercy of thine the James iv. 6
way of humility is traced out unto men, in that thy
Word was macle flesh, and dwelt among men : thou
procuredst for me, by means of a certain man, puffed
up with a most unreasonable pride, to see certain
books of the Platonists, translated out of Greek into
Latin. And therein I read, not indeed in the self-
same words, but to the very same purpose, persuaded
by many reasons, and of several kinds, that In the
beginning was the Word, and the Word was with jobn \.
God, and that Word was God : the same was in the ^-^^

S. AVGVSTINJ CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP. verbum : hoc erat in principio apud deiim ; omnia
per ipsum facta sunt, et sine ipso factum est nihil ;
quod factum est, in eo vita est, et vita erat kix homi-
mini ; et lux in tenebris lucet, et tenebrae earn non
conprehenderunt ; et quia hominis aninia, quamvis
testimonium })erhil)eat de luraine, non est tamen
ipsa lumen, sed verbum, deus ipse, est lumen verum,
quod iiiluminat omnem hominem venientem in hunc
iimndum ; et quia in hoc mundo erat, et mundus per
cum factus est, et mundus eum non cogiiovit. quia
vero in sua propria venit et sui eum non receperunt,
([uotquot autem receperunt eum, dedit eis potcs-
tatem fiiios dei fieri, credentibus in nomine eius, non
ibi legi.

Item legi ibi, quia verbum, deus, non ex carne,
non ex sanguine, neque ex voluntate viri, neque ex
voluntate carnis, sed ex deo natus est ; ^sed quia ver-
bum caro factus est et habitavit in nobis, non ibi legi.
indagavi quippe in illis litteris varie dictum et in
multis modis, quod sit filius in ibrma patris non rapi-
nam arl)itratus esse aequalis deo, quia natiiraliter id
ipsum est: sed quia semet ipsum cxinanivit formam
servi accipiens, in siniilitudinem liominum factus et
liabitu inventus ut homo, humiliavit se factus oboe-
dif^is usque ad mortem, mortem autem crucis; prop-
Irr (]uod deus eum exaltavit a mortuis, et donavit ei
nonien, quod est supiM' omne nomen, ut in nomine
Jesu omne genu flectatur caclcstium, terrestrium et
infernorum ct omnis lingua confitcatur, quia dominus
lesus in gloria est dei patris, non liabent illi libri.

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VH

beginnins^ with God. All things were mad« by him, chap.
and without him was nothing ma^e. In that which ^^
was macie, was life, and the life was the light of men.
And the light shined in the darkness, and the dark-
ness comprehended it not. And for that the soui of
man, tlumgh it gives testimony of the light, yet itself
is not that light, but the Word, God himself, is John i. 9
that true light that lighteth every man that cometh
into the world; and that he was in the world, and joim i. i o
the world was made by him, and the world knew
iiim not. But that he came unto his own, and his John i. ii
own received him not, but as many as received him,
to them gave he power to become the sons of God, John j. 12
as many as believed in his name : all this did I not
read there.

There also did I read that God the Word was not
born of flesh nor of blood, nor of the will of man, nor
of the will of the flesh, but of God. But that the
Vv'ord was made flesh and dwelt amongst us, did I not
read there. I found out in those books, though it was
otherwise and divers ways said, that the Son being in Phil. ii. e
the form of the Father, thought it no robbery to be
equal with God, for that in nature he was the same
with him. But that he made himself of no reputation, phii. if, 7
talking upon him the form of a servant, and was
made in the likeness of men, and was found in fashion riiii. ii. s
as a man, and humbled himself, and became obedient
unto death, even the death of the Cross : wherefore phil. ii. 9
Cxod hath higlily exalted him (from the dead) and
given him a name over every name, that at the nan^- I'liii. ii. 10
of Jesus every knee shall bow, of things in heaven,
and things in earth, and things under tiie earth ; and
that every tongue should c<mfess that Jesus Christ I'hii. ii. 11
is Lord, to the glory of God the Father: those
books have not. Again, fhr\t thy only beo-otten Son,

rS7

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
GAP. quod autem ante omnia tempora et supra omnia tern-
^^ pora inconmutabiliter manet unigenitus filius tuus,
coaeternus tibi^ et quia de plenitudine eius accipiunt
animae^ ut beatae sint, et quia participatione manentis
in se sapientiae renovantur, ut sapientes sint, est ibi ;
quod autem secundum tempus pro impiis mottuus est,
et filio unico tuo non pepercisti, sed pro nobis omni-
bus tradidisti eum, non est ibi. abscondisti eniin
liaec a sapientibus et revelasti ea parvulis, ut veni-
rent ad eum laborantes et onerati et reficeret eoS;,
quoniam mitis est et humilis corde, et dirigit mites
in iudicio^ et docet mansuetos vias suas, videns humi-
litatem nostram et laborem nostrum et dimittens
omnia peccata nostra, qui autem cothurno tamquam
doctrinae sublimioris elati non audiunt dieentem :
Discite a me, quoniam mitis sum et humilis corde,
et invenietis requiem animabus vestris^ et si cog-
noscunt deum^ non sicut deum glorificant, aut gratias
agunt, sed evanescunt in cogitationibus suis, et
obscuratur insipiens cor eorum ; dicentes se esse
sapientes stulti fiunt.

Et ideo legebam ibi etiam inmutatam gloriam
incorruptionis tuae in idola et varia simulacra,
in similitudinem imaginis corruptibilis hominis et
volucrum et quadrupedum et serpentium, videlicet
Aegyptium cibuni, quo Esau perdidit primogenita
sua, quoniam caput quadrupedis pro te honoravit
populus primogenitus, conversus corde in Aegyptum
et curvans imaginem tuam, animam suam, ante
imaginem vituli nianducantis faenum. inveni haec
ibi et non manducavi. placuit enini tibi, domine,
368

ST. AUGUSTINE'S COiVFESSIONS BOOK VU

co-eternal with thee, was before all timeSj and beyond chap.
all times remains unchangeablej and that of his ful- ^^
ness all souls receive what makes them blessed ; and
that by participation of that wisdom which remains
in them, they are renewed, that they may be made
wise, is there. But that he in due time died for tlie
wicked ; and that thou sparedst not thine only Son, Kom. viiL
but deliveredst him for us all, is not there. For thou 32
hast hid these things from the wise, and hast revealed
them unto babes ; that they that labour and are Matt. xi. 28
heavy laden, might come unto him, and he might re-
fresh them, because he is meek and lowly in heart :
and the meek he directeth in judgment, and such
as be mild he teacheth his ways, beholding our
humility and labour, and forgiving us all our sins.
But such as tower high in the buskin of a sublimer
learning, hear not him saying unto them. Learn of
me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you shall M.itt. xi. 29
find rest to your souls ; and, If they know God, yet Horn. i. 21
they glorify him not as God, nor give thanks unto
him, but wax vain in their imaginations ; and their
foolish liearT isn3ai1ien¥d ; 1^^^^^ that they i?om. i. 22

are wise, they become fools. '^ ^" ~^'**^"

Andthere'also^did Tread, that they had changed Rom. i. 23
the glory of thy incorruptible nature into idols, and
divers shapes, into the likeness of the image of cor-
ruptible man, and birds, and beasts, and serpents ;
yea verily, into that Egyptian food, for which Esau Gen. xxv.
sold his birthright ; for that that people, which was
thy firstborn, worshipped the head of a four-footed
beast instead of thee, turning in their heart back
towards Egypt; and bowing thy image (their own
soul) before the image of a calf that eateth hay. i's. cvi. 20
These things found I there ; but I fed not on them.
For it pleased thee, O Lord, to take away tiie reproach
2 A 369

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP. iuferre opprohrium diminutionis ab lacob, lit maior
serviret minori^ ct vocasti gentes in hereditatem
tnam. et ego ad t'^ veneram exgentibus; et intend!
in auvum, quod ab Aegypto voluisti ut aiiferret
pojxilus tuus, quoniam tuiim erat, ubicumqiie erat.
et dixisti Atheniensibus per apostolum tuum, quod in
te vivimus et movemur et sumus, sicut et quidam
secundum eos dixerunt, et utique inde erant illi libri.
et non adtendi in idola Aegyptiorum, quibus de auro
tuo ministrabant^ qui transmutaverunt veritatem dei
in mendacium, et coluerunt et servierunt cieaturae
potius quam creatoii.

X

CAP. Rt inde adraonitus redire ad memet ipsum, intravi
in intima mea, duce te, et potui, quoniam factus es
adiutor mens, intravi et vidi qiialicumque oculo
animae meae supra eundem ocuUnii animae meae,
supra mentem meam, lueem incomrnutabilem : non
banc vulgarem et conspicnHui omni cHnii, nee quasi
ex eodem genere grandior erat, taniquani si ista
multo multoque clarius claresceret totumque occu-
paret niagnitudine. nou hoc ilia erat, sed aliud,
370

/

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

of humbling from Jacobs that the elder brother chap,

should serve the younger : and thou hast called the ^^

Gentiles into thine inheritance. And I myself had

come unto thee from amoni? the Gentiles ; and I set

my mind earnestly upon that gold which thou willedst Exod. iii.

thy people to take from the Egyptians,, seeing thine -^

it was, wheresoever it were. And to the Athenians

thou saidst by thy Apostle, That in thee we live, and Acts xviL

move, and have our beii)g, as certain of their own ^^

})oets had said. And surely it was from Athens these

books came. But I set not my mind towards the

idols of Egypt, which they made of thy gold ; even

they who changed the truth of God into a lie, and Rom. i. 2.5

worshipped and served the creature more than the

Creator,

Divine things are more clearly discovered unto him

And being lience admonished to return to myself, CJ^K^.
I entered even into mine own inwards, thou being ^^***
my Leader : and able I was to do it, for thou wert
now become my Helper. Into myself 1 went, and \.
with the eyes of my soul (such as it was) I discovered
over the same eye of my soul, over my mind, the
unchangeable light of the Lord : not this vulgar
light, which all flesh may look upon, nor yet another
greater of the same kind ; as if this should shine
much and much more clearly, and with its greatness
take up all the room. This light was none of that,

371

S. AVGVSTINJ CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAF, aliud valde ab istis omnibus, nee ita erat supra

X

men tern meam, sicut oleum super aquam, nee sicut
caelum super terram ; sed superio^\ quia ipsa^i^cit
mc^^ et ego interior, quia factus^ab ea. qui novit
vcritatem, novit cam, et qui novit eara_, novit
aeternilatem. caritas novit earn, o aeterna Veritas
et vera caritas et cara aeternitas ! tu es deus meus,
tibi suspiro die ac nocte.^ et cum te primum cognovi,
tu assumsisti me, ut viderem esse, quod viderem, et
nondum me esse, qui viderem. et reverberasti infir-
mitatem aspectus mei, radians in me vehementer, et
contremui amore et horrore : et inveni longe me esse
a te in regione dissimilitudinis, tamquam audirem
vocem tuam de excelso : " cibus sum grandium :
cresce et manducabis me. nee tu me in te mutabis
sicut cibum carnis tuae, sed tu mutaberis in me."
et cognovi, quoniam pro iniquitate erudisti hominem,
et tabescere fecisti sicut araneam animam meam, et
dixi: "numquid nihil est Veritas, quoniam neque
per finita neque per infinita locorum spatia diffusa
est?" et clamasti de longinquo : ego sum qui sum.
et audivi, sicut auditur in corde, et non erat prorsus
unde dubitarem, faciliusque dubitarem vivere me,
quam non esse veritatem, quae per ea, quae facta
sunt, intellecta conspicitur.

.S72

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

but another, yea clean anotliev from all these. No.- chap.
was it ill that manner above my mind, as oil is upon '^
^\ ater, nor yet as the heaven is above the earth : but
superior to my soul, because it made me ; and I was
inferior to it, because I was made by it. He that .
knows what truth is, knows what that light is ; and ^
he that knows it, knows eternity. Charity knows
it. O eternal Truth ! and true Charity ! and dear
Eternity ! Thou art my God, to thee do I sigh day
and night. Thee when first I saw, thou liftedst me
up, that I might see there was something which I
Alight see ; and that as yet I was not the man to see it.
And thou didst beat back the infirmity of my own
iglit, darting thy beams of light upon me most
trongly, and I trembled both with love and horror :
and I perceived myself to be far off from thee in the
region of utter unlikeness, as if I heard this voice of
thine from on high : I am the food of strong men,
grow apace, and thou shalt feed on me ; nor shalt
thou convert me like common food into thy substance,
but thou shalt be changed into me. And I learned
thereupon, that thou with rebukes hast corrected man
for iniquity, thou madest my soul to consume away P:*. xxxix.
like a moth. And I said : Is truth therefore nothing ^^
at all, seeing it is neither diffused by infinite spaces,
nor by finite ? But thou criedst to me from afar off:
Yea, verily, I Am that I Am. This voice I heard, Exod. Hi.
(as things are heard in the heart) nor was there any
suspicion at all, why I should doubt of it : yea, I
should sooner doubt that I did not live, than that
Truth is not, which is clearly to be seen by those Kom. i. 20
things which .are made.

ii73

S. AVGVSTiNI CONFESSION VM LIBER VII

XI

CAP. Et inspexi cetera infra te, et vidi nee omnino esse
nee omnino non esse : esse quidem, quoniam abs te
sunt, non esse autem, quoniam id quod es non sunt,
id enim vere est, quod incommutabiliter manet.
mihi autem inhaerere deo bonum est, quia, si non
manebo in illo, nee in me potero. ille autem in se
manens innovat omnia ; et dominus meus es, quoniam
bonorum meorum non eges.

XII

CAP. Et manifestatum est mihi, quoniam bona sunt, quae

XII

coirumpuntur, quae neque si summa bona essent,
corrumpi possent, neque nisi bona essent, corrumpi
possent : quia, si summa bona essent, incorruptibiba
essent, si autem nulla bona essent, quid in eis con-
rumpcretur, non esset. nocet enim oorruptio, et
nisi bonum minueret, non noceret. aul igitur nihil
nocet corruptio, quod fieri non potest, aut, quod cer-
tissimuni est, omnia, quae corrumpuntur, privantur
374

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VU

XI

J/ow Crealure^ are, and yet are not

And I cast minc^ eyes upon tliose other creatures chap.

beneath thee,, and I perceived, tliat they neither ^^

have any absoUite being, nor yet could they be said

to have no being. A being they have, because they \

are from tliee : and yet no being, because what thou \

art, they are not. For that truly hath a being,

which remains unchangeably. It is good then for Ps. ixxiii.

me to hold iast unto God : for if I remain not in him, 2**

I shall never be able to do it in myself: whereas he

remaining in himself, reneweth all things. And thou

art my Lord, since thou dost not stand in need of ray r^. xvi. 2

goods,

I

^^m All that is, is Good

And manifested unto me it was, that even those chap.
things be good, which yet are corrupted; which, -^^^
were they sovereignly good, could never be cor-
rupted, nor could they be corrupted, unless they were
good : because if sovereignly good they were, they
must needs be incorruptible ; and if they held no
goodness in them at all, neither should they have
anything in them to be corrupted. For corruption
hurts everything, but unless there were goodness to
diminish, it could not hurt. Either therefore corrup-
tion does at all no hurt, (which cannot be), or, which
tost certain, all which is corrupted, is deprived
375

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

CAP. bono, si autem omni bono privabuntur. omnino non
XII ^ '

erunt. si enim erunt et corrumpi iam non poterunt,

melioiM erunt, quia incorruptibiliter permanebunt.

et quid monstrosius quam ea dicere omni bono amisso

facta meliora? ergo si omni bono privabuntur,

omnino nulla erunt : ergo quamdiu sunt, bona sunt,

ei'go quaecumque sunt, bona sunt, malumque illud,

quod qiiaerebam unde esset, non est substantia, quia,

si substantia esset, bonum esset. aut enim esset

incorruptibilis substantia, magnum utique bonum,

aut substantia corruptibilis esset, quae nisi bona

esset, corruptibilis non esset. itaque vidi et mani-

festatum est milii, quia omnia bona tu fecisti, et

prorsus nullae substantiae sunt, quas tu non fecisti.

et quoniam non aequalia omnia fecisti, ideo sunt

omnia, quia singula bona sunt, et simul omnia valde

bona, quoniam fecit deus noster omnia bona valdc.

XIII

XIII

CAP. Et tibi omnino non est malum, non solum til)i sed
nee universae creaturae tuae, quia extra non est
aliquid, quod inrurapat et corrumpat ordinem, quem
inposuisti ei. in partibus autem eius quaedam qui-
busdam quia non conveniunt, mala putanttir; et
376

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

\

of goodness. If things then shall be deprived of all CHaf.
their goodness, they shall have at all no being. For if ^^^
they shall still be, and shall not be at all corrupted,
they shall thereby become better, because they
remain ever in corruptibly. What more absurd now
than to affii*m those things that have lost all their
gooilness, to be made the better by it? Therefore,
whenever they shall be deprived of all their goodness,
they shall also lose all their being. So long therefore
as they are, they are good : therefore, whatsover are, v

are good, and that evil which I sought, whence it ^S^

should be, is not any substance : for were it a sub-
stance, it should be good. For either it should be
an incorruptible substance, that is to say, of the chief "Therefore
sorts of good; or else should it be some corruptible sub- ^J^^^^^'g ..
stance ; which unless it were some way or other good, and not
it could not be corrupted. I perceived therefore, and one only :\
it was made plain unto me, that all things are good f]^eessScc
which thou hast made, nor is there any substance at of things,
all, which thou hast not made. And because all which ^^jversity
thou hast made are not equal, therefore are all things ; thefr difler-
for each is good, and at the same time all together ence
very good, because thou our God hast made all things Gen. i. ii
5ry good.

XIII

All created Things praise God

"to thee is there nothing at all evil : yea, not CHAP,
only to thee, but also not to thy creatures in gene- ^^^^
ral ; because there is not anything which is without,
which can break in, or discompose that order which
thou hast settled. But in some particulars of thy

Cr that some things there be which so well
377

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
gAP. eadem ipsa conveniunt aliis et bona sunt^ et in semet

XIII

ipsis bona sunt, et omnia haec. quae sibimet in-
vicem non conveniunt, conveniunt inferiori parti
verum, quam terram dicimus, habentem caelum suum
nubilosum atque ventosum congruum sibi. et absit,
ut dicerem iam : " non essent ista," quia etsi sola
ista cernerem, desiderarem quidem melioia, sed iam
etiam de solis istis laudare te deberem : quoniam"
iaudandum te ostendunt de terra dracones et omnes
abyssi, ignis, grando, nix, glacies, spiritus tempes-
tatis, quae feciunt verbum tuum, montes et omnes
colles, ligna fructifera et omnes cedri, bestiae et
omnia pecora, reptilia et volatilia pinnata ; reges
terrae et omnes populi, principes et omnes iudices
terrae, iuvenes et virgines, seuiores cum iunioribus
laudent nomen tuum. cum vero etiam de caelis te
laudent, laudent te, deus noster, in excelsis omnes
angeli tui, omnes virtutes tuae, sol et luna, omnes
stellae et lumen, caeli caelorum et aquae, quae super
caelos sunt, laudent nomen tuum ./non iam deside-
rabam meliora, quia omnia cogitabam, et meliora
quidem superiora quam inferiora, sed meliora omnia
quam sola superiora iudicio saniore pendebam.

378

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

agree not with some otiier things, they are conceived chap.
to be evil: whereas tliose very things suit well enough ^^^'
with some other things, and are good ; yea, and in
themselves are good. And all these things which do
not mutually agree one with another, do yet suit well
( nough with this inferior part, which we call earth ;
which hath such a cloudy and windy region of air
hanging over it, as is in nature agreeable to it. God
forbid now, that I should ever say. These things
ought not to be ; for should I see nothing but these,
verily I should want the better, yet even only for
these ought I to praise thee ; for that thou art to
be praised, these things of the earth do shew :
dragons, and all deeps, fire, hail, snow, ice, and
storm}^ wind, which fulfil thy word; mountains, and
all hills, fruitful trees, and all cedars; beasts and
all cattle ; creeping things and flying fowls ; kings
of the earth and all people ; princes and all judges
of the land ; young men and maidens ; old men and
children, let them praise thy name. Seeing also
these in heaven praise thee, praise thee, O our God, vt. cxivUi
in the heights, thine angels and all thy hosts, sun ^-^2
and moon, all the stars and light, the heaven of
heavens, and the waters that be above the heavens,
seeing that these praise thy name, I did not now
desire better, because I had now thought upon them
all : and that those superior things were better than
these inferior things, but yet ail things together
better than those suf)erior by themselves, I resolved
upon in my bettered judgment.

7.^)

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

XIV

CAP. NoN est sanitas eis, quibus displicet aliquid creaturae
tuae, sicut mihi non erat, cum displicerent multa,
quae fecisti. et quia non audebat anima mea, ut ei
displiceret deus meuS;, nolebat esse tuum quidquid ei
displicebat. et inde ierat in opinionem duarum sub-
stantia rum, et non requiescebat et aliena loquebatur.
et inde rediens fecerat sibi deum per infinita, spatia
locorum omnium, et eum putaverat esse te, et eum
collocaverat in corde suo, et lacta erat rursus tem-
plum idoli sui abominandum tibi. sed posteaquam
fovisti caput nescientis, et clausisti oculos meos, ne
viderent vanitatem^ cessavi de me paululum, et con-
sopita est insania mea ; et evigilavi in te et vidi te
infinitum aliter, et visus iste non a carne trahebatur.

XV

CAP. Et respexi alia, etvidi tibi debere quia sunt, et in te
cuncta finita, sed aliter, non quasi in loco^, sed quia
tu es omnitenens manu vei'itate, et omnia vera sunt^
380

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

XIV

To a sober Mind, none of God's Creatures arc
displeasing

They are not well in their wits, to whom anything CHAr.
whicli thou hast created is displeasing, nor more than ^^^
I myself was, whenas many things which thou hadst
made, did not like me. And because my soul durst
not take distaste at my God, it would not suffer that
aught should be accounted thine, which displeased it.
Hence fell it upon the opinion of two substances,
and no rest did it take, but talked idly. And turning
from thence, it fancied a God to itself, which took up
infinite measures of all places ; and him did it think
to be thee ; and him it placed in its heart : so that
it became once again the temple of its own idol,
which was to thee so abominable. But after thou
hadst refreshed my head, (I not knowing of it) and
hadst shut up mine eyes that they should not behold
vanity ; I began to be quieted a little from myself,
and my mad fit was gone asleep : out of which
I awaked in thee, and then discerned thee to be
infinite another manner of way. But this sight was
not derived from any powers of my flesh.

B XV

1^^ How there is truth and falsehood in the Creatures
And I looked upon other things; and I saw howCHAi
they owed their being to thee; and that all finite ^^
things are in thee, but in a different manner jnoFas
in space, but because thou containest all things in

381

L

S AVOVSTLM CONFESSION VM LIBER VII
CAT ill quant am sunt^ nee quicquam est falsitas^ nisi cum
]>utatiu' esse quod non est. et vidi, quia non solum
locis sua quaeque suis conveniunt sed etiam tempori-
bus ; et quia tu^ qui solus aeternus es^ non post innu-
merabilia spatia temporum coepisti operari^ quia
omnia spatia temporum^ quae praeterierunt et quae
praeteribunt, nee abirent nee venirent nisi te oper-
ante et manente.

XVI

CAP. Et sensi expertus non esse mirum, quod palato non
sano poena est et panis, qui sano suavis est, et oculis
aegris odiosa lux, quae puvis amabilis. et iustitia tua
displicet iniquis, nedum vipera et vermiculus, quae
bona creasti, apta inferioribus creaturae tuae partibus,
qiiibus et ipsi iniqui apti sunt, quanto dissimiliores
sunt tibi, apti autem superioribus, quanto similiores
flunt tibi. et quaesivi, quid esset iniquitas, et non
inveni substantiam, sed a summa substantia, te deo,
detortae in infima voluntatis pcrveisitatem proioientis
intima sua et tumesceiitis i'uras.

382

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

thine hand in thy truth. All things are true so far chap.
forth as they have a being ; nor is falsehood anything, ^^
unless while a thing is thought to be, which is not.
And I marked how that all things did agree respec-
tively, not to their places only, but to their seasons
also. And that thou, who only art eternal, didst not
begin to work after innumerable spaces of time spent ;
for that all spaces of times, both those which are
passed already, and those which are to pass hereafter,
should neither go nor come, out by thee, who art still
working and still remaining.

XVI

All Things are good, though to some Things not Jit

And I both found and tried it to be no wonder that chap.
the same bread is lothsome to a distempered palate, ^^^
which is pleasant to a sound one : and that to sore
eyes, that light is offensive, which to the clear is
delightful. And thy justice gives disgust unto the
wicked : so do much more the viper and smallest
vermin, which thou hast created good, and fit enough
to these inferior portions of thy creation, to which
these very wicked are also fit ; and that so much the
more fit, by how much they be unlike thee, but so
much fitter for the superior parts, by how much they
ji become liker thee. And I enquired what iniquity
k should be : but I found it not to be a substance, but .

a swerving merely of the will, crooked quite away ticus x. lo,
from thee, O God, (who art the supreme substance) which A
towards these lower things ; casting away its inward "Jj^"!^^'*^'''
parts, and puffed up outwardly. laiit

S. AVGVSriNI CONFESSIONVM LIBEK Vli

XVII
CAP. Et mirabar_, quod iam te amabam. non pro te phan-

XVII

tasma : et non stabam frui deo meo^ sed rapiebar ad

r"

te decore tuo^moxque diripiebar abs te pondere meo,
et ruebam in ista cum gemitu ; et pondus hoc con-
suetudo carnalis. sed mecuni erat niemoria tui, neque
ullo modo dubitabam esse, cui cohaererem, sed non-
dum me esse, qui cohaererem : quoniam corpus, quod
corrumpitur, adgravat animam, et deprimit terrena
inhabitatio sensum multa cogitantem. fi eramque cer-
tissimus, quod invisibilia tua a constitutione mundi
per ea quae facta sunt intellecta conspiciuntur, semp-
iterna quoque virtus et divinitas tua. quaerens
eniin, unde adprobarem pulchritudinem corporum
sive caelestium sive terrestrium, et quid mihi praesto
esset integre de mutabilibus, iudicanti et dicenti,
'' hoc ita esse debet, illud non ita " : hoc ergo quaerens,
unde iudicarem, cum ita iudicarem, inveneram in-
commutabilem et veram veritatis aeternitatem supra
mentem meam conmutabilem. atque ita gradatim
a corporibus ad sentientem per corpus animam, atque
inde ad eius interiorem vim, cui sensus corporis
384

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

XVII

What thitigy hinder us of God's K7iowledge

And I wondered not a little that I was now come to chap.
love thee, and no phantasm instead of thee : nor did ^^'^^
I delay to enjoy my God, but was ravished to thee
by thine own beauty ; and yet by and by I violently
fell off again, even by mine own weight; rushing
with sorrow enough upon these inferior things. This
weight I spake of was my own fleshly custom. Yet
had I still a remembrance of thee ; nor did I any way
doubt, that there was one to whom I ought to cleave ;
but I thought I was not yet able to cleave unto thee : Wisdom ix.
for that the body which is corrupted, presseth down ^^
the soul, and the earthly tabernacle weigheth down
•>the mind that museth upon many things. And most
certain was I that thy invisible works are clearly seen Rom. \. 20
from the constitution of the world, being understood by
the things that are made ; and also thine eternal power
and Godhead. For studying now, by what reasons
to make good the beauty of corporeal things, either
celestial or terrestrial, and what proof I had at hand
solidly to pass sentence upon these mutable things,
in pronouncing, Tliis ought to be thus, and This must
be so ; plodding, I say, on this, upon what ground
namely I ought to judge, seeing I did thus judge :
I had by this time found the unchangeable and true V
eternity of truth, residing above this changeable mind x
of mine. And thus by degrees passing from bodies ^
to the soul, which makes use of the senses of the \
body to perceive by ; and from thence to its inner \
faculties, unto which the senses of the body are to \
represent their outward objects ; and so forward, as \

I 2 b 385

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

CAP. exteriora nuntiaret, et quousque possunt bestiae, at-
i.vii

que inde rursus ad ratiocinantem potentiam, ad qiiam

refertur iudicandum, quod sumitur a sensibus cor-
poris, quae se quoque in me comperiens mutabilem^
erexit se ad intellegentiam suam, et abduxit cogita-
tionem a consuetudine, subtrahens se contradicent-
ibus turbis phaiitasmatum, ut inveniret, quo lumine
aspargeretur ; cum sine ulla dubitatione clamaret
incommutabile praeferendum esse mutabili, unde
nosset ipsum inconmutabile — quod nisi aliquo modo
nosset^ nullo modo illud mutabili certa praeponeret
— et pervenit ad id, quod est, in ictu trepidant!^
aspectus. tunc vero invisibilia tua per ea quae facta
sunt intelleeta conspexijsed aciem figere non evalui,
et repercussa infi imitate redditus solitis, non mecum
fere bam nisi amantem memoriam et quasi olefacta
desiderantem, quae comedere nondum possem.

XVIII

CAP. Et quaerebam viam conparandi roboris, quod esset
^ ^^^ idoneum ad fruendum te, nee inveniebam^ donee
amplecterer mediatorem dei et hominum, hominem
386

I

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

tar as the irrational creatures are able to go : thence chap.
again I passed on to the reasoning faculties, unto ^^^^
which whatever is received from the senses of the
body is referred to be judged. This also finding
itself to be variable in me, betook itself towards its
own understanding, drawing away my thoughts from
custom, and withdrawing itself from these con-
fused multitudes of phantasies, which contradict
one another ; that so it might find out that light,
which now bedewed it, when without all further
doubting, it cried out, that what was unchangeable
was to be })referred before what was changeable,
by which it had come to know that unchangeable
(which unless by .swiifLmeans or other it had known, \
it could never have had sure ground for the prefer- \
ring of it before the changeable) : thus by a flash of
the twinkling eyesight it came so far as that which is.
And now came I to have a sight of those invisible
things of thee, which are understood by those things
which are made. But I was not able to fix mine eye
long upon them : but my infirmity being beaten back
again, I was turned to my wonted fancies ; carrying
along with me no more but a liking of those new
thoughts in my memory, and an appetite, as it were,
to the meat I had smelt; which as yet I was not able
to eat of.

H XVIII

^K Only Christ is the Way to Salvation

Then set I myself to seek a means of gaining so chap.
much strength, as should be sufficient to enjoy thee ; "^^ ^^^
but 1 could not find it, until I embraced that

387

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP. Christum lesum, qui est super omnia deus benedictus
in saecula, vocantem et dicentem : ego sum via veri-
tatis et vita, et cibum, cui capiendo invalidus eram,
miscentem carni : quoniam verbum caro factum est, ut
infantiae nostrae lactesceret sapientia tua, per quam
I creasti omnia, non enim tenebam deum meum lesum
humilis humileni, nee cuius rei magistra esset eius
infirmitas noveram. verbum enim tuum, aeterna
Veritas, superioribus creaturae tuae partibus super-
erainens, subditos erigit ad se ipsam, in inferioribus
autem aedificavit sibi humilem domum de limo nostro,
per quam subdendos deprimeret a se ipsis et ad se
traiceret, sanans tumorem et nutriens amorem, ne
(iducia sui progrederentur longius, sed potius infirma-
rentur, videntcs ante pedes suos infirmam divinitatem
ex participatione tunicae pelliciae nostrae, et lassi
prosternerentur in earn, ilia autem surgens levaret
eos^

XIX

CAP. Ego vero aliud putabam : tantunioue sentiebnm de f

XIX

domino Christo meo, quantum de excellentis sapien-
tiae viro, cui nullus pos.set aequari, praesertim quia
5588

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK Vll

Mediator betwixt God and man, the Man Jesus chap.

Christ ; who is over all, God blessed for evermore, ^^^^^

then calling unto me, and saying : I am the Way, ^ ^^": ^- ''

the Truth, and the Life: who mingled that Food °™' *** "

which I was unable to take (his own flesh) unto our

flesh. For the Word was made flesh, that by thy John i. h

wisdom, by which thou createdst all things, he might

suckle our infancy. For I, not yet humble enough, did

not apprehend my Lord Jesus Christ, who had made

himself humble ; nor did I yet know what lesson

that infirmity of his would teach us. For thy Word,

the eternal Truth, being so highly exalted above

the highest of thy creatures, reaches up those that

were cast down, unto itself: having here below

built for itself a lowly cottage of our clay, by which

he intended to abate from the height of their own 2 Cor. x. 6

imaginations, those that were to be cast down ; that

so he might bring them about unto himself; allaying

the swelling of their pride, and cherishing of their

love : to the end they might go on no further in the

confidence of themselves, but might find their own

weakness rather; seeing the divinity itself enfeebled

at our feet, by taking our coats of skin upon him : Geu. in. 21

that so being weary at length, they might cast down

themselves upon it, and that rising, might raise up

them together with it

I XIX

What he thought of Christ's Tncarnatioti
But I had before far other thoughts : conceiving chat.
only of my Lord Christ as of a man of excellent ^^^
wisdom, whom no man could be equalled unto ; and

erd especially, for that being so wonderfully
389

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAT. niirabiliter natiis ex virgine (ad exemplum contem-
nendorum temporalium prae adipiscenda immor-
tal itate) divina pro nobis ciira tantam auctoritatem
magisterii meruisse videbatur. quid aiiteDi sacra-
menti haberet verbum caro factum^ lie suspicari
quidem poteram. tantiim cognoveram ex his^ quae
de illo scripta traderentur, quia manducavit et bibit^
dormivit^ ambulavit^ exbilaratus est, contristatus est^
sermocinatus est;, non haesisse carnem illam verbo
tuo nisi cum anima et mente humana. novit hoc
omniS;, qui novit incommutabililatem verbi tui, quam
ego iani noveram, quantum poteram, nee omnino
quicquam inde dubitabam. etenim nunc niovere
membra corporis per voluntatem, nunc non movere ;
nunc aliquo afFectu affici,nimc non affici ; nunc proferre
per signa sapientes sententias, nunc esse in silentio :
propria sunt mutabilitatis animae et mentis, quae si
falsa de illo scripta essent, etiam omnia periclitarentur!
mendacio, neque in illis litteris ulla fidei salus generi
humano remaneret. quia itaque vera scripta sunt,
totum hominem in Christo agnoscebam : non corpus
tantum hominis aut cum corpore sine mente animum,
sed ipsum hominem, non persona veritatis, sed magna
quadam naturae humanae excellentia et perfectiore
participatione sapientiae praeferri ceteris arbitrabar.
Alypiusautem deum carneindutiim ita putabatcredi
a Catholicis, ut praeter deum et carnem non esset in
:^}0

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

born of a Virgin, (giving us an example how to con- chap.
temn the worldly things for the obtaining of immor- ^^^
tality ;) by that divine care of his he seemed to have
deserved so much authority, as to be the master over
us. But what mystery this might carry with it. The
Word was made flesh, I could not so much as imagine.
Thus much I collected out of what is come to us,
being written of him (how that he did eat, and
drink, and sleep, and walk, and rejoiced in spirit,
and was heavy, and preached) : that the flesh did
not cleave unto thy Word, without a human soul
and mind. Everybody knows thus much, that
kiioweth the unchangeableness of thy Word : which
I myself now knew, as well as I could, nor did I at
all make any doubt of it. For, for him to tt\ovc
the limbs of his body by his will, and otherwhiles itot
to move them ; now to be stirred by some afFectioriV
and at another time not to be affected ; now to ^>
deliver wise sentences, and another while to keep
silence : all these be properties of a soul and mind
that are mutable. And should these things be
falsely written of him, all the rest verily would be
in suspicion of being a lie, nor should there be left
at all in those Books any safeness of faith for man-
kind. Because therefore truths are there written, I
there acknowledged a perfect man to be in Christ.
Not the body of a man only, or a sensitive soul
without a rational, but a very man, whom, not for
liis being the form of truth, but for a certain extra- The
ordinary excellency of human nature that was in him, Manichees
I judged worthy to be preferred before all other men. that he w:i^

As for Alypius, he imagined the Catholics to have a form of
believed God to be so clothed with flesh, that *''''*^
besides God and the flesh, there was no soul at all in

Kand that they had preached there was no
391

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP Chri to anima^ mentemque hominis non existimabat

XTX

in eo praedicari. et quoniam bene persuasum tenebat
ea, quae de illo memoriae maiidata sunt^ sine vitali et
rationali creatura non fieri, ad ipsam Christianam fidem
pigrius movebatur. sed postea haereticorum ApoUi-
naristarum hunc errorem esse cognoscens, Catholicae
fidei conlaetatus et contemperatus est. ego autem
aliquanto posterius didicisse me fateor, in eo, quod
verbum caro factum est, quomodo Catholica Veritas a
Photini falsitate dirimatur. improbatio quippe hae-
reticorum facit eminere, quid ecclesia tua sentiat et
quid habeat sana doctrina. oportuit enim et hae-
reses esse, ut probati manifesti fierent inter infirmos.

XX

CAP, Sed tunc, lectis Platonicorum illis libris, posteaquam
inde admonitus quaerere incorpoream veritatem, in-
visibilia tua per ea quae facta sunt intellecta conspexi ;
et repulsus sensi, quid per tenebras aniraae meae
contemplari non sinerer, certus esse te et infinitum
esse, nee tamen per locos finitos infinitosve diffundi,
et vere te esse, qui semper idem ipse esses, ex nulla
parte nulloque motu alter aut aliter, cetera vero ex
te esse omnia, hoc solo firmissimo documento, quia
sunt: certus quidem in istis eram.nimis tamen infirmus
392

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

soul of man in him. And because he was verily chap
persuaded, that those actions which were recorded ^^^
of him could not be performed but by a vital and a
rational creature, he was the slower therefore in
moving towards the Christian faith. But under-
standing afterwards, that this was the error of the
Apollinarian heretics, he was better pleased with
the Catholic faith, and better complied with it. But
something later it was, I confess, ere I learned how
in this sentence. The Word was made flesh, the
Catholic truth could be cleared of the heresy of
Photinus. For, the confuting of the heretics makes
the opinions of the Church more eminent, and the
tenet which the sound doctrine maintaineth. For
there must be also heresies, that they which are i cor. xi. 1 9

Ipproved may be made manifest among the weak.
XX
0/ (livers Booh of the Platonists
luT having read as then these books of the Platonists, chap.
having once gotten the hint from them, and falling ^-^
upon the search of incorporeal truth ; I came to get
a sight of these invisible things of thine, which are
understood by those things which are made : and
being put back again, I p erceived how that the
d arkness of mine own mind was it which so hinderect
m y contemplation : I became certain, that thou werT ^
both infinite, and yet not diffused over finite and
infinite places : and that thou art truly the same that
thou art ever, nor in any part, nor by any motion,
different or otherwise : and tha^. all other things are
from thee, taught so by this one most firm demonstra-
tion, that they are. Of these things I was certain

393

L

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII
CAP ad fruendum te. garriebam plane quasi peritus et, nisi
in Christo, salvatore nostrOj viam tuam quaererem,
non peritus, sed periturus essem. iam enim coeperam
velle videri sapiens, plenus poena mea et non flebam, „
insuper autem inflabar scientia. ubi enim erat ilia ■
aedificans caritas a fundamento humilitatis, quod
est Christus lesus ? aut quando illi libri me docerent
cam? in quos me propterea, priusquam scripturas
tuas considerarem, credo voluisti incurrere, ut inpri-
ineretur memoriae meae, quomodo ex eis affectus
essem, et cum postea in libris tuis mansuefactus j
essem, et curantibus digitis tuis contrectarentur
vulnera mea, discernerem atque distinguerem, quid
interesset inter praesumptionem et confessionem,
inter videntes, quo eundum sit, nee videntes, qua, et
viam ducentem ad beatificam patriam, non tantum
cernendam sed et habitandam. nam si primo Sanctis
tuis litteris informatus essem, et in earum familiaritate
obdulcuisses mihi, et post in ilia volumina incidissem,
fortasse aut abripuissent me a solidnmento pietatis,
aut si in afFectu, quern salubrem inbibcram, perstitis-
sem, putarem etiam ex illis libris eum posse concipi,
si eos solos quisque didicisset

394

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VH

enough, yet t oo weak to comprehend thee. I prated chap.
altogether asl were a skil?ul fellow ; but had I not ' |^^
sought thy way in Christ our Saviour, I had been like |
to prove not skilled but killed. For now, forsooth, I J
began to be desirous to seem wise : full of mine own
punishment, yet could not weep for it, but became
more and more puffed up with my knowledge. For
where was that charity that should build me up from
that foundation of humility which is in Christ Jesus ?
Or when would these books have taught me that ?
Vet upon these, I believe it was thy pleasure that I
should first fall, before I took thy Scriptures into my
consideration ; that I might print in memory, how far
those books wrought upon my affections : and that
when afterwards I should come to be made tractable
by thy Books, thine own fingers undertaking the cure
of me, and my wounds dressed, I might discern at
last and distinguish how main a difference there was
betwixt presumption and confession ; betwixt those
tliat saw whither they were to go, but knew nothing
of the way : and that path which leads unto that
blessed country, not only to be looked upon, but
dwelt in. For had I first been brought up in thy holy
Scriptures, and in the familiar use of them thyself
had grown sweet unto me, and had I fallen upon these
philosophical volumes afterwards ; they might either
have withdrawn me from the solid ground of piety,
or if I had stood fimi in that wholesome disposition
which I had there tasted, I might perchance have
thought, that a man, even out of these Platonic books
might have gotten the same, had he studied them
only.

:\95

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VII

XXI

CAP. Itaque avidissime arripui venerabilem stilum spiritus
tui, et prae ceteris apostolum Paulum. et perierunt
illae quaestiones, in quibus mihi aliquando visus est
adversari sibi^ et non congruere testimoniis legis et
prophetarum textus sermonis eius : et apparuit mihi
una facies eloquiorum castoruni, et exultare cum
tremore didici. et coepi et inveni, quidquid iliac
verum legeram, hac cum conmendatione gratiae
tuae dici : ut qui videt non sic glorietur_, quasi non
acceperit non solum quod videt^ sed etiam ut
videat — quid enim habet quod non accepit ? — et ut
te, qui es semper idem, non solum admoneatur ut
videat, sed etiam sanetur ut teneat ; et qui dc long-
inquo videre non potest, viam tamen ambulet, qua
veniat et videat et teneat :| quia, etsi condclectctur
homo legi dei secundum interiorem hominem, quid
faciet de alia lege in membris suis, rcpngnante legi
mentis suae, et se captivum ducente in lege peccati,
quae est in membris eius ? quoniam iustus es,
domine; nos autem peccavimus, inique fecimus,
inpic gessimus, et gravata est super nos manus tua,
et iuste traditi sunius antiquo peccatori, praeposito
mortis, quia persuasit voluntati nostrae similitudincm
396

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VII

XXI

What he found in the Holy Scfiphires, irhich wa:^
not in the Platonists

Most greedily therefore laid I hold upon that chap.
venerable writing of thy Spirit : and upon the Apostle ^ -^ *
Paul above all the rest. Whereupon those difficulties
quite vanished away, in which he sometimes seemed
to me to contradict himself; and wherein the text of
his discourse seemed not to agree with the testi-
monies of the Law and the Prophets. And there
appeared unto me but one face in that chaste
eloquence ; and I learned to rejoice with trembling. Pa. u. ii
So I began ; and found whatsoever truth I had there
read, to be said here with the praise of thy grace.
So he that sees should not so glory as if he had not i Cor. iv. 7
received, not only that which he doth see, but also
the power to see. For what hath he, which he hath
not received ? So he is put in mind not only to see
thee, who art ever the same, but that he may be
made strong to hold thee : and that he who from afar
off is not able to see his way, may yet walk on that
way, whereby he may at last arrive, and see, and
comprehend. For though a man be delighted with the Kom.vii. •:•:
law of God after the inner man, yet how shall he do
with that other law in his members, which wars
against the law of his mind, and bringeth him into
captivity to the law of sin which is in his members? Rom.vii. 2?
For, thou art righteous, O Lord, but we have sinned Dan. ix. 5
and committed iniquity, and dene wickedly, and thy
hand is grown heavy upon us, and we are justly
delivered over unto that old sinner the president
of death : for he hath wrought our will to become
like his will, whereby he departed from thy truth.

3.97

k

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER YU
CAP. voluntatis suae, qua in veritate tua non stetit. quid
faciet miser homo ? quis eum liberabit de corpore
mortis huius, nisi gratia tua per lesum Christum
dominum nostrum, quem genuisti coaeternum et
creasti in principio viarum tuarum ; in quo princeps
huius mundi non invenit quicquam morte dignum,
et occidit eum ; et evacuatum est chirographum, quod
erat contrarium nol)is ? hoc illae litterae non habent.
non habent illae paginae vultum pietatis illius, lacri-
mas confessionis, sacrificium tuum, spiritum contribu-
latum, cor contritum et humiliatum, populi salutem,
sponsam civitatem, arram spiritus sancti, poculum
pretii nostri. nemo ibi, cantat : Nonne deo subdita
erit anima mea ? ab ipso enim salutare nieum :
etenira ipse deus mens et salutaris meus, susceptor
meus : non movebor amplius. nemo ibi audit vocan-
tem : Venite ad me, qui laboratis. dedignantur ab eo
discere, quoniam raitis est et humilis corde. abscon-
disti enim haec a sapientibus et pnidentibus et
revelasti ea parvulis. et aliud est de silvestri ca-
cumine videre patriam pacis, et iter ad eam non in-
venire, et frustra conariperinvia, circum obsidentibus
et insidiantibus fugitivis desertoribus, cum principe
suo leone et dracone : et aliud tenere viam illuc du»
centem, cura caelestis imperatoris munitam, ubi non
latrocinantur qui caelestem militiam deseruerunt ;
vitant enim eam sicut supplicium. haec mihi
inviscerabantur miris modis, cum minimum
apostolorum tuorum legerem, et con-
sideraveram oj)era tua et expaveram.

ays

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK Vll

What shall wretched man do ? Who shall deliver chap.
him from the body of this death, b'&t only thy grace, ^^^
through Jesus Christ our Lord, whom thou hasT; ^^^- ^^'•
begotten co-eterrial to" thyself, and possessedst in p^.^^ ^...
the beginning of thy ways : in whom the prince of 22
this world found nothing worthy of death, yet killed johu xiv.
he him ; whereby the handwriting was blotted out, 30
which was contrary to me ? None of all this do these Coi. ii. i4
Platonic writings contain. Those leaves can show
nothing of this face of pity, those tears of confession,
that sacrifice of thine, a troubled spirit, a broken Ps. h.
and a contrite heart, the salvation of thy people, the
Spouse, the city, the earnest of the Holy Ghost, the
Cup of our Redemption. No man sings there. Shall
not my soul wait upon God, seeing from him cometh ps. ixii. 1
my salvation ? For he is my God, and my Salvation, ps. ixii. 2
my Defence ; I shall be no more moved. No man
in those books hears him calling : Come unto me all Matt. xi. 28
ye that labour ; Yea, they scorn to learn of him
because he is meek and lowly in heart. For these Matt, xi. 29
thi ngs hast thou hid from the wise and pru dent, and" Matt, xi. 25
1 lalt reveaied them unto babes . For it is one thing
from the woody top of a mountain to see the land of Deut.
peace, and not to find the way thither ; and in vain ^^^"- *^
to travel through ways unpassable, round about beset
with these fugitive spirits, forsakers of their God lying
in ambush with that ring-leader of theirs, the Lion and
the Dragon : and another to keep on the way that
leads thither, which is guarded by the care of our
heavenly General : where there are none that forsook
the heavenly army to exercise robberies ; which they
abhor as much as their very torment. These things
did by wonderful means sink into my v ^y bowels ,
whenas I read that lea st of thy Apostles, and
had consTdered up on thy works and trembled.

BOOK VIII

LIBER OCTAVVS

I

CAP. Deus meus, recorder in gratiarum actione tibi, et
confitear misericordias tuas super me. perfundantur
ossa mea dileetione tiia, et dicant : Domiiie, quis
similis tibi ? dirrupisti vincula mea : sacrificem tibi
sacrificium laudis. quomodo dirrupisti ea, narrabo,
et dicent omnes, qui adorant te, cum audient haec :
Benedictus dominus in caelo et in terra ; magnimi
et mirabile nomen eius. inhaeserant praecordiis
meis verba tua, et undique circumvallabar abs te.
de vita tua aeterna certus eram, quamvis earn
in aenigmate et quasi per speculum videram ; dubi-
tatio tamen omnis de incorruptibili substantia^ quod
ab ilia esset omnis substantia, ablata mihi erat, nee
certior de te, sed stabilior in te esse cupiebam. de
mea vero temporali vita nutabant omnia, et mun-
dandum erat cor a fermento veteri ; et placel)at via,
ipse salvator, etire per eius angustias adhuc pigebat.
et inmisisti in mentem meam, visumque est bonum
in conspectu meo, pergere ad Simplicianum,qui inihi
bonus apparebat servus tuus, et lucebat in eo gratia
40^^

THE EIGHTH BOOK

I

Ho?v being injiamed wilk the Love of Heaven fi/
Things, he goeih to ^'Simplicianus

CiivE me leave, O my God, with thanksgiving to chap.
remember, and to confess unto thee thine own ^
mercies bestowed upon me. Let my bones be filled
with thy love, and let them say unto thee, Who is ps. ixxxvi.
like unto thee, O Lord ? Thou hast broken my ^
bonds in sunder, I will offer unto thee the sacrifice Ps. cxvi,
of thanksgiving. And how thou hast broken them ^^» '^
will 1 now declare ; and all men who worship thee,
when they hear of it shall say : Blessed be the Lord,
both in heaven and in earth, great and wonderful is
his name. Thy words had stuck fast even to the
very roots of my heart, and I was hedged round about Job i. lo
by thee. Of the eternity of thy life I was now
become certain, though I had nO more than seen in i cor. xiii.
a glass as it were darkly. All my former doublings, '2
concerning an incorruptible substance, and that all
other substance should come from that, was now
quite taken away from me ; nor did 1 desire as now
to be made more certain of thee, but to stand firmer
in thee. As for mine own temporal life, all things
were as yet unresolved ; my heart was to be purged i Cor. v. i
from the old leaven. The Way (our Saviour him- johu xiv. c
self) I very well liked of: but it still irked me to
follow him through its straitness. Thou didst put
into my mind, and it seemed good in mine own eyes,
to go unto Simplicianiis, who seemed to me a faithful

403

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII

j

CAP. tua. audieram etiam^ quod a iuventute sua devo- j
tissime tibi viveret ; iam verotunc senuerat ; et longal
aetata in tarn bono studio sectandae viae tuae multa|
expertus^ multa edoetus mihi videbatur : et vere sicj
erat. unde mihi ut proferret volebam conferenti
secum aestus meos, quis esset aptus modus sicj
afFecto, ut ego eram, ad ambulandum in via tua.

Videbam enim plenam ecclesiam, et alius sic ibat,
alius autem sic. mihi autem displicebat^ quod agebam
in saeculo, et oneri mihi erat valdC;, non iam inflam-
mantibus cupiditatibus, ut solebant, spe honoris et
pecuniae ad tolerandam illam servitutem tarn gravem.
iam enim me ilia non delectabant, prae dulcedine tua
et decore domus tuae^ quam dilexi ; sed adhuc tena-
citer alligabar ex femina, nee me prohibebat aposto-
lus coniugarij quanivis exhortaretur ad melius, maxime
volens omnes homines sic esse, ut ipse erat. sed ego
infirmior eligebam moUiorem locum ; et propter hoc
unum volvebar in ceteris, languidus et tabescens curis
marcidis, quod et in aliis rebus, quas nolebam pati,
congruere cogebar vitae coniugali, cui deditus ob-
stringebar. audieram ex ore veritatis esse spadones,
qui se ipsos absciderunt propter regnum caeloium ;

sed^ (jui potest, inquil, capeie, ca])!;!!. vani sunt
401

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

servant of thine, and that thy grace shined in him : chap.

I of whom I had further heard, that from his very ^

! youth he had lived most devoutly towards thee.
He was now grown into years ; and by reason of so
great an age, spent in so good a purpose as follow-
ing thy ways, he seemed to me to have gained ex-
perience of many things, and to have been taught
many things : and verily so he had Out of which
skill of his, I desired him to afford me some direc-

■ tions, (making him acquainted with my troubles)
which should be the readiest way for a man in my
case to walk in thy paths.

: For, the Church I saw to be full, and one went
this way, and another that way. But very unpleasant

I to me it was, that I led the life of a worldling : yea,
a very grievous burden it was, those desires after the

, hopes of honour and profit inflaming me now no longer
as they were wont to do, nor helping me to bear so
heavy a bondage. For in respect of the sweetness
and the beauty of thy house which I loved, those
thoughts delighted me no longer. But very strongly
yet was I enthralled with the love of a woman : nor
had thine Apostle forbidden me to marry, though he i Cor. vii. s
advised me to do better, earnestly wishing that all
men were as himself then was. But I being weak,
made choice of the softer place : and because of this
alone, was languishing I tumbled up and down in
the rest ; yea, I pined away with withering cares,
because in other matters which I was unwilling to
undergo, I was constrained to accommodate myself
to a married life, unto which I stood enthralled.
I had understood from the mouth of Truth itself,
that there were some eunuchs which have made Matt. xix.
themselves so for the kingdom of heaven's sake: '^
but, quoth he, let him receive this saying that is able.

405

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAT. cei'te omnes homilies^ quibus noii inest dei scientia,
iiec de his, quae videntur bona, potuerimt invenire
eum, qui est. at ego lam non eram in ilia vanitate ;
transcenderam earn, et contestante universa creatura,
inveneram te creatorem nostrum, et verbum tuum
apud te deum, tecumque unum deum, per quod
creasti omnia. et est aliud genus inpiorum, qui
cognoscentes deum non sicut deum glorificaverunt
aut gratias egerunt. in hoc quoque incideram, et
dextera tua suscepit me et inde ablatum posuisti, ubi
convalescerem, quia dixisti homini : Ecce pietas est
sapientia, et : Noli velle videri sapiens, quoniam
dicentes se esse sapientes stuiti faeti sunt, et in-
veneram iam bonam margaritam, et venditis omni-
bus, quae haberem, emenda erat, et dubitabam.

II

CAP. Perrexi ergo ad Simpliciaiium, patrem in accipienda
gratia tunc episcopi Ambrosii, et quem vere nt patrem
diligebat. narravi ei circuitus erroris mei. »d>i autem
commemoravi legisse mequosdam libros Platonicorinii,
quos Victorinus, quondam rhetor urbis Romae, quem
Christianum defunctum esse audieram, in Latinam
linguam transtulisset, gratulatus est mihi, quod non
406

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

All those men verily are vain, in whom the know- chap.

ledge of God is not ; and who could not out of \

these things which seem good, find out him that is ^ ^ili!*!™

good indeed. But I was no longer in that vanity;

I was now gotten beyond it ; and by the testimony

of all thy creatures, had I found thee our Creator,

and thy Word God together with thee, and together

one God with thee, by which Word thou createdst all

things. There is yet another kind of wicked men,

who knowing God, did not glorify him as God, Rom. i. 21

neither were thankful : upon these also was I fallen,

but thy right hand sustained me, and delivering me

out of their company, thou placedst me where I

might grow better. For thou hast said unto man :

Behold, the fear of the Lord is wisdom : and. Be not Job xxviii.

desirous to seem wise in thine own eyes, because ^^

they who affirmed themselves to be wise, became ^'™^ '■'■ ^

fools. But I had now found that Pearl of price, Kom. i. 22

which 1 ought to have bought, though I sold all that Matt. xiii. ^

I had But I was yet in a quandary what to do. **

i .. . . "

How I ictnrhius, the j amous Orator, was converted

Into Simplicianus therefore I went, the father at CHAP,
that time of Bishop Ambrose in his receiving of thy ^^
jnrrace ; whom verily Ambrose loved as his own father.
To him I discovered the winding course of my error.
But when I told him that I had read over certain
books of the Platonists, which Victorinus, sometime
rhetoric professor of Rome, (who died a Christian as
I had heard) had translated into Latin, he much
rejoiced over me, for that I had not fallen upon

407

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VllI
CAP. in aliorum philosophorum scripta incidissem, plena
fallaciarum et deceptionum^ secundum elementa
huius mundij in istis autem omnibus modis insinuari
deum et eius verbum. deinde, ut me exhortaretur
ad humilitatem Christi, sapientibus absconditam et
revelatam parvulis, Victorinum ipsum recordatus est,
quenij Romae cum esset, familiarissime no vera t,
deque illo mihi narravit quod non silebo. habet enim
magnam laudem gratiae tuae confitendam tibi, quem-
admodum ille doctissimus senex, et omnium liberalium
doctrinarum peritissimus, quique philosophorum tam
multa legerat et diiudicaverat, doctor tot nobilium
senatorum, qui etiam ob insigne praeclari magisterii,
quod cives huius mundi eximium putant, statuam
Romano foro meruerat et acceperat, usque ad illam
aetatem venerator idolorum, sacrorumque sacrilego-
rum particeps, quibus tunc tota fere Romana nobilitas
inflata, spirabat prodigia iam et omnigenum deum
monstra et Anubem latratorem, quae aliquando

contra Neptunum et Venerem contraque Minervam

tela tenuerant, et a se victis iam Roma supplicabat,
quae iste senex Victorinus tot annos ore terricrepo
defensitaverat, non erubuerit esse puer Christi tui, et
infans fontis tui, subiecto coUo ad humilitatis iugum,
et edomita fronte ad crucis opprobrium.

O domine, domine, qui inclinasti caelos et de-
scendisti, tetigisti montes et fumigaverunt, quibus
408

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

any other philosophers' writings, which use to be chap.
full of fallacies and vain deceits, after the rudi- ^^
raents of this world : whereas in the Platonists, God
and his word are everywhere implied. And the
better to exhort me to Christ's humility, (hidden
from the wise, and revealed to little ones) he men- Matt. xi. 25
tioned Victorinus himself, whom whilst he was at
Rome he had familiarly known : and of him he told
this story, which I will not here conceal. For it
affords matter of much praise of thy grace, which
ought to be confessed unto thee, to hear how this
most learned old man, most skilful in all the liberal
sciences ; one who had read, and weighed so many of
the philosophers ; one that had been master to so
many noble Senators, who also as a mark of high
office nobly filled, had (which worldlings esteem such
an honour) both deserved and obtained a statue in
the Roman Forum ; he remaining even till his old age
a worshipper of idols, and a copartner of such sacri-
legious solemnities, with which almost all the nobility
and people of Rome were inspired, and had portents
on their lips of that monstrous rabble of the galli-
maufry of gods, and of Anubis the Barker, which had
sometime maintained the bucklers against Neptune vcro. Aen.
Venus, and Minerva, whom Rome having once con- viii. 698
quered, now worshipped, all which this old Victorinus
with his thundering eloquence, had so many years
been the champion of: how, I say, he blushed not
to become the child of thy Christ, and an infant at
thy font, submitting his neck to the yoke of humility,
and subduing his forehead to the ignominy of the
Cross.

O Lord, O Lord, which hast bowed the heavens ps. cxiiv. i
and come down, touched the mountains and they

Buoke : by what means didst thou convey
409

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. modis te insinuasti illi pectori ? legebat, sicut ait
Simplicianus, sanctam scripturam, omnesque Chris-
tianas litteras investigabat studiosissime et perscrut-
abatui% et dicebat Simpliciano non palam, sed secretius
et familiarius : "Noverisiammeesse Christianum." et
respondebat ille : '' Non credara nee deputabo te inter
Christianos, nisi in ecclesia Christi videro." ille autem
inridebat dicens : " Ergo parietes faciunt Christianos ? "
et hoc saepe dicebat, iam se esse Christianiim, et
Simplicianus illud saepe respondebat, et saepe ab illo
parietiim inrisio repetebatur. amicos enim suos re-
verebatur offendere, superbos daemonicolas, quorum
ex culmine Babylonicae dignitatis quasi ex cedris
Libani, quas nondum contriverat dominus, graviter
ruituras in se inimicitias arbitrabatur. sed postea-
quam legendo et inhiando hausit firmitatem^timuitque
negari a Christo coram angelis Sanctis, si eum timeret
coram hominibus confiteri, reusque sibi magni criminis
adparuit, erubescendo de sacramentis humilitatis verbi
, tui, et non erubescendo de sacris sacrilegis superborum
daemoniorum, quae imitator superbus acceperat, de-
puduit vanitati et erubuit veritati, subitoque et inopi-
natus ait Simpliciano, ut ipse narrabat : " Eamus in
ecclesiam : Christianus volo fieri." at ille non se
capiens laetitia, perrexit cum eo. ubi autem imbutus
est primis instructionis sacramentis, non multo post
410

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

thyself into that man's breast ? He read, as Shn- chap.
plicianus said, the Holy Scriptures, most studiously ^^
sought after and searched tlirough all the writings
of the Cliristinns, and said unto Simplicianus, (not
openly, but after a private and familar manner)
You shall now understand that I am a Christian.
Simplicianus answered him : I will never believe,
nor will I rank you among the Christians, unless I see
you in the Church of Christ. Whereunto, he smiling
upon him, replied : Is it the walls then that make
Christians.'* And this he often reiterated, that he
was now a Christian : and Simplicianus making the
same answer, the conceit of the walls was as often
returned. For he feared to ofFeud his friends, which
were proud devil-worshippers, from the height of
whose Babylonian dignity, as from the top of the
cedars of Libanus, which the Lord had not yet
brought down, he supposed a storm of ill will would
shower upon him. But when by reading and
earnestness he had gathered strength, and that he
feared to be denied by Christ before his angels, mkc ix. 2
should he now be afraid to confess him before men ;
and that he appeared guilty to himself of a mighty
crime, in being ashamed of the Sacraments of the
humility of thy Word, whereas he had not been
ashamed of the sacrilegious sacrifices of those proud
devils (of which he himself had proudly partaken) ;
he became bold-faced against vanity, and shame-
faced towards the truth : yea, all on the sudden,
when Simplicianus thought nothing of it, he says
unto him, (as himself told me) Come, let us go to
the church, I resolve to be made a Christian. But
he, not able to contain himself for joy, went along
with him : where, so soon as he was instructed in the
first mysteries of religion, he not long after gave in

411

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. nomen dedit^ut per baptisniumregeiieraretur, mirante
Roma, gaudente ecclesia. superbi videbant et iras-
cebantur, dentibus suis stridebant et tabescebant :
servo autem tuo dominus deus erat spes eius, et non
respiciebat in vanitates et insanias mendaces.

Denique ut ventum est ad horam profitendae fidei,
quae verbis certis conceptis retentisque memoriter, de
loco eminentiore, in conspectu populi fidelis, Romae
reddi solet ab eis, qui accessuri sunt ad gratiam tuam,
oblatum esse diceb^t Victorino a presbyteris, ut
secretius redderet, sicut nonnullis, qui verecundia
trepidaturi videbantur, ofFerri mos erat ; ilium autem
maluisse salutem suam in conspectu sanctae multi-
tudinis profiteri. non enim erat salus, quam docebat,
in rhetorica, et tamen earn publice professus erat.
quanto minus ergo vereri debuit mansuetum gregem
tuum, pronuntians verbum tuum, qui non verebatur
in verbis suis turbas insanorum ? itaque ubi ascendit,
ut redderet, omnes sibimet invicem, quisque ut eum
noverat, instrepuerunt nomen strepitu gratulationis.
quis autem ibi non eum noverat ? et sonuit presso
sonitu per ora cunctorum conlaetantium : " Vic-
torinus, Victorinus." cito sonuerunt exultatione,
quia videbant eum, et cito siluerunt intentione, ut
412

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

his name, that he might be regenerated by Baptism : chap.
the city of Rome wondering, and the Church re- ^^
joicing. The proud beheld it, and were enraged,
gnashing upon him with their teeth, and even pining
away with envy at it. But the Lord God was the
hope of his servant, who took no regard to vanities Ps. xxxi:
and lying madness. "

To conclude, when the hour was come wherein
he was to make a profession of his faith, (which in
Rome it was the custom of those that were shortly
to come unto thy grace to do, in a set form of
words gotten by heart, and standing aloft upon a
more eminent place, where they might well be
seen of all the faithful people ;) there was an offer
made, as he said, by the priests unto Victorinus,
that he might make his profession more privately,
as the custom was to offer that courtesy to some
others, who were likely to be bashful and fearful
at the matter: but he chose rather to profess his
salvation in the presence of the holy assembly.
For whereas that was no salvation which he had
taught in rhetoric, and yet had he made public
profession of that : how much less therefore ought
he to dread that meek flock of thine, in the pro-
nouncing of thy word, who in the delivering of his
own words, had not feared the fullest audience of
mad men? So soon therefore as he was mounted
up aloft to make his profession ; every one that knew
him whispered his name one to another with the voice
of congratulation. And who was there that did not
know him ? And there ran a soft whisper through
all the mouths of the rejoicing multitude, Victorinus,
Victorinus. Quickly spake they of him with triumph-
ing, for that they saw him ; and as quickly were they
t again, that they might now hear him. He
413

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. audirent eum. pionuntiavit ille fidem veracem prae-
cJara fiducia, et volebant eum omnes rapere intro in
cor suum. et rapiebant amando et gaudendo : hae
rapientium manus erant.

Ill

CAP. Deus bone^. quid aHtur in homine, ut plus ffaudeat
de salute desperatae animae et de maiore periculo
liberataCj quam si spes ei semper afFuisset aut peri-
eulum minus fuisset ? etenim tu quoque^ misericors
pater, plus gaudes de uno paenitente, quam de nona-
ginta novem iustis, quibus non opus est paenitentia.
et nos cum magna iucunditate audimus, cum audimus
quam exsultantibus pastoris umeris reportetur ovis,
quae erraverat, et drachma referatur in thesauros tuos
conlaetantibus vicinis mulieri, quae invenit : et lacri-
mas excutit gaudium sollemnitatis domus tuae, cum
legitur in domo tua de minore filio tuo, quoniam
mortuus fuerat et revixit, perierat et inventus est.
gaudes quippe in nobis, et in angelis tuis sancta cari-
tate Sanctis, nam tu semper idem, quia ea quae non
semper nee eodem modo sunt eodeni modo semper
nosti omnia.
414.

i

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

pronounced aloud the true faith with an excellent chai*.
boldness, and every man would gladly have plucked ^^
him to them into their very heart : yea_, greedily did
they snatch him in, by loving of him, and rejoicing
for him. These were the hands by which they
snatched him.

Ill

That God and his Angels do rejoice the more, at the
conversion of a greater Sinner

Good God ! what is that which is wrought in man, chap.
that he should more rejoice at the salvation of such ^^^
a soul as was in a desperate condition, and which hath
been delivered out of the greater danger, than if
there had always been conceived good hopes of him, or
whose danger had been lesser } Yea, even thou also
O most merciful Father, dost more rejoice over one laake xr. «
sinner repenting, than over ninety and nine just per-
sons that need no repentance. And with much joyful-
ness do we hearken so often as we hear it, how the lost
sheep is brought home again upon the Shepherd's Luke xr. i
shoulder rejoicing : and that the lost groat is put again
into thy treasury, her friends and neighbours rejoicing
with the woman that had found it. Yea, and the joy
conceived at the solemn service of thy house makes
the tears come out of our eyes, whenas the parable of
thy younger son is read in it, how he was dead, but
made alive again ; he was lost, but found again. For
thou rejoicest both over us, as also over thy Angels,
who continue holy, in holy charity. For thou art ever
the same, because thou knowest after the selfsame
manner, all those things which of themselves neither
continue the same ever, nor after the same manner.

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. Quid ergo agitur in anima, cum amplius delectatur
inventis aut redditis rebus, quas diligit, quam si eas
semper habuisset? contestantur enim et cetera, et J|j
plena sunt omnia testimoniis clamantibus : " ita est."
triumphat victor imperator ; et non vicisset, nisi pug-
navisset : et quanto maius periculum fuit in proelio,
tanto est gaudium maius in triumpho. iactat tem-
pestas navigantes minaturque naufragium; omnes
futura morte pallescunt: tranquillatur caelum et mare,
et exultant nimis, quoniam timuerunt nimis. aeger est
carus, et vena eius malum renuntiat ; omnes, qui eum
salvum cupiunt, aegrotant simul animo : fit ei recte,
et nondum ambulat pristinis viribus, et fit iam tale
gaudium, quale non fuit, cum antea salvus et fortis
ambularet. easque ipsas voluptates humanae vitae
etiam non inopinatis et praeter voluntatem inruenti-
bus, sed institutis et voluntariis molestiis homines
adquirunt. edendi et bibendi voluptas nulla est, nisi
praecedat esuriendi et sitiendi molestia. et ebriosi
quaedam salsiuscula comedunt, quo fiat molestus
ardor, quem dum exstinguit potatio, fit delectatio.
et institutum est, ut iam pactae sponsae non tra-
dantur statim, ne vile luibcat niaritus datam, quam
non suspiraverit sponsus dilatam.
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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

What is that therefore which is wrought in the chap.
soul whenas it is more delighted to have either found ^^^
or regained those things which it loved, than if it had
always possessed them.'' Yea, and other creatures
bear witness hereunto ; and all things are full of testi-
monies still crying out, that so it is. The general
triumpheth when he is a conqueror ; yet had he never
overcome, had he not fought : and how much the
more danger was in the battle, so much the more
rejoicing is there in the triumph. The storm tosses
the passengers, and threatens shipwreck, and every-
l)ody waxes pale at his death approaching : but the
sky clears up, and the sea grows calm again, and they
are as much rejoiced as they were over scared. A
dear friend of ours is sick, and his blood-letting shows
the malignity of his disease : all that wish his good
health are thereupon sick in mind with him. He
proves well again, though not able to walk up and
down so strongly as he was wont to do ; yet there is
so great an expression of joy made, as never had been,
whenas before his sickness he was able to walk per-
fectly, sound, and lustily. Yea, the very pleasures of
our human life do we procure by preceding difficulties :
nor these only which fall upon us unlooked for, and
against our wills, but even purposed by us and desired.
There is no pleasure at all in eating and drinking,
unless the pinching of hunger and thirst go before it.
Drunkards eat certain saltish meats, with purpose to
procure a thirsty hotness in the mouth, which whilst
the drink quenches, the pleasure is procured. The
order also it is, that the spouse already affianced uses
not instantly to be given to her sweetheart : for fear
lest when he is an husband he should less esteem of her
for being so soon obtained, whom whilst he was a wooer
he sighed not after, thinking her too long delayed.
I 2 D 417

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. Hoc in turpi et exsecranda laetitia, hoc in ea, quae
concessa et licita est^ hoc in ipsa sincerissima hones-
tate amicitiae, hoc in eo^ qui mortuus erat et revixit,
perierat et inventus est : ubique maius gaudium /
molestia maiore praeceditur. quid est hoc^ domine
deus meus, cum tu aeternum tibi^ tu ipse sis gaudium,
et quaedam de te circa te semper gaudeant ? quid
est, quod haec rerum pars alternat defectu et pro-
fectu, offensionibus et conciliationibus ? an is est
modus earum, et tantum dedisti eis, cum a summis
caelorum usque ad ima terrarum, ab initio usque in
finem saeculorum, ab angelo usque ad vermiculum,
a motu primo usque ad exti'emura, omnia genera
bonorum et omnia iusta opera tua suis quaeque sedi-
bus locares, et suis quaeque temporibus ageres ? ei
mihi, quara excelsus es in excelsis, et quam pro-
fundus in profundisl et nusquam recedis^ et vix
redimus ad te.

I

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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSiOiNS I500K Mil

This is observable in such joy as is dishonest, and chaf.
to be abhorred; seen also in that joy which is con- ^"^
sented unto, and lawful ; seen likewise in the most
sincere honesty of friendship ; seen lastly, in him
who was dead, and afterwards revived ; who was lost
and is found. The greatest joy is everywhere ushered
in by the greatest painfulness. What means this, O
Lord my God, whereas thou art an everlasting joy
unto thee, even thine own self, and some things The angels
•around thee are ever rejoicing in thee } What means Cpi»pare
this, that this division of things thus alters up and xili. lo
down, with going backwards and forwards, with fall-
ings out, and making friends again ? Is this the
fashion of them, and is this that proportion thou then
assignedst to them ; whenas even from the highest
heavens down to the lowest of the earth, from the
beginning of the world to the last end of it ; from the
angel to the worm ; from the first thing that moveth
even unto the last ; thou didst settle all kinds of
good things, and all thine own just works in their
proper places, and accomplishedst all in their due
seasons ? Alas for me ! how high art thou in the *^
highest things, and how profound in the lowest !
And thou dost nowhere depart from us, and we hardly
return unto thee.

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER Vlll

IV

CAP Age^ domine, fac excita et revoca nos, accende et
rape^ fragra_, dulcesce : amemus, curramus. nonne
multi, ex profundiore tartaro caecitatis quam Victori-
nus, redeunt ad te et acceduiit, et inluminantur re-
cipientes lumen, quod si qui recipiunt, accipiunt a te
potestatem, ut filii tui fiant ? sed si minus noti sunt
populis, minus de illis gaudent etiam qui noverunt
eos. quando enim cum multis gaudetur, et in singulis I
uberius est gaudium ; quia fervefaciunt se et inflain-
mantur ex alterutro. deinde, quod multis noti, I
multis sunt auctoritati ad salutem, et multis praeeunt
secuturis : ideoque multum de illis et qui eos prae-
cesserunt laetantur, quia non de solis laetantur.
absit enim, ut in tabernaculo tuo prae pauperibus
accipiantur personae divitum, aut prae ignobilibus
nobiles; quando potius infirma mundi elegisti, ut
confunderes fortia, et ignobilia liuius mundi elegisti
et contemptibilia, et ea quae non sunt, tamquam sint,
ut ea quae sunt evacuares. et tamen idem ipse
minimus apostolorum tuorum, per cuius linguam tua
ista verba sonuisti, cum Faulus pro consule, per eius
militiam debellata superbia, sub lene iugum Christi
tui missus esset, regis magni provincialis effectus, ipse

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

IV

Why we are more to rejoice in the Conversion of
a great Sinner

Go on, O Lord, and make an end of it, stir us up, and chap.
call us back ; kindle us and pluck us to thee, be frag- ^^
rant, and grow sweet unto us : let us love, let us
run. Do not many a man out of a deeper dungeon
of blindness than Victorinus was in, return unto thee,
and are enlightened with the beams they receive
from thee ; which they that once receive, receive
power also from thee to become thy sons ? who yet Joim i. 12
if they be less known among people, even those that
do know them are less joyful for them : seeing that
when a many rejoice together, the joy of every single
man is fuller ; even for that they warm themselves,
and are inflamed by one another. Again, because
those that are generally known, are authors of salva-
tion to many, and give many example to follow them :
and even therefore those also which have gone before
rejoice much for them, because they rejoice not for
them alone. Far be it from our thoughts, that in thy
Tabernacle the persons of the rich should be accepted
of before the poor, or the noble before the common
people : seeing thou hast chosen the weak things of 1 Cor. l 27
the world, to confound the mighty ; and base things
of the world, and things that are despised hast thou
chosen ; and things which are not, to bring to nought
things that are. And yet even that least of thy
Apostles, by whose tongue thou soundedst out these
words, whenas Paulus the Deputy had his pride beaten
down by the spiritual warfare of that Apostle, and was
set to draw in the easy yoke of Christ, now made a

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VllI
CA V. quoque ex priore Saiilo Pauliis vocari amavit ob tarn
raagnae insigne victoriae. plus enim hostis vincitur
in eo, quern plus tenet et de quo plures tenet, plus
autem superbos tenet nomine nobilitatis, et de his
plures nomine auctoritatis. quanto igitur gratius
cogitabatur Victoriui pectus, quod tarn inexpugnabile
receptaculum diabolus obtinuerat, Victorini lingua,
quo telo grandi et acuto multos peremerat, abun-
dantius exultare oportuit filios tuos, quia rex noster
alligavit fortem, et videbant vasa eius erepta mundari,
et aptari in honcvem tuum, et fieri utilia domino ad
omne opus bonum.

CAP. Sed ubi mihi homo tuus Simplicianus de Victorino
ista narravit, exarsi ad imitandum : ad hoc enim et
ille narraverat. posteaquam vero et illud addidit,
quod imperatoris luliani temporibus, lege data pro-
hibiti sunt Christiani docere litteraturam et oratoriam
— quam legem ille amplexus, loquacem scholam de-
serere maluit quam verbum tuum, quo linguas in-
fantium facis disertas — non mihi fortior quam felicior
422

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

humble subject of the Great King : he also instead chap,
of Saul, which was his name before, desired to be ^^
called Paul afterwards, in testimony of so great a
victory. For the enemy is more overcome by wring-
ing a man from him, of whom he had more hold,
and by whom he hath hold of many others. And
sudh as be proud he hath the surer hold of, by reason
of their title of nobility, and of many more through
them, by reason of their authority. How much more
welcome therefore the heart of Victorinus was es-
teemed, which the Devil had made himself master of,
as of an invincible place of retreat ; and the tongue
of Victorinus, with which as with a mighty and most
keen weapon he had slain many : so much the more
abundantly became it thy sons to rejoice, for that
our King hath bound the strong man, and that they Matt. xu. 2f
saw his vessels taken from him and cleansed, and to 2Tim. ii. 21
be made serviceable for the Lord, unto every good
work.

h

^H IV/iai hindered his Conversion

But so soon as thy man Simplicianus had made an chap.
end of his story of Victorinus, I was all on fire to ^
be imitating of him : yea, this was the end he told
it for. After which when he had subjoined this
relation of himself: how that in the days of the
Emperor Julian, when there was a law made, whereby
the Christians were forbidden to teach the liberal
sciences or oratory, and how he obeying this law,
chose rather to give over his wordy schools than thy
word, by which thou makest eloquent the tongues of

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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. visus est, quia invenit occasionem vacandi tibi. cui

V

rei ego suspirabam, ligatus non ferro alieno, sed mea
ferrea voluntate. velle meum tenebat iiiimicus ; et
inde mihi catenam fecerat et constrinxerat me.
quippe voluntate perversa facta est libido, et dum
servitur libidini, facta est consuetudo, et dum con-
suetudini non resistitur, facta est necessitas. ! quibus
quasi ansulis sibimet innexis — unde catenam appel-
lavi — tenebat me obstrictum dura servitus. voluntas
autem nova, quae mibi esse coeperat, ut te gratis
colere fruique te vellem, deus, sola certa iucunditas,
nondum erat idonea ad superandam priorem vetustate
roboratam. ita duae voluntates meae, una vetus,
alia nova, ilia carnalis, ilia spiritalis, confligebant
inter se, atque discordando dissipabant animam
meam.

Sic intellegebam me ipso experimento id quod
legeram, quomodo caro concupisceret adversus spi-
ritum et spiritus adversus carnem : ego quidem in
utroque, sed magis ego in eo, quod in me appro-
babam, quam in eo, quod in me improbabam. ibi
enim magis iam non ego, quia ex magna parte id
patiebar invitus quam faciebam volens. sed tamen
consuetudo adversus me pugnacior ex me facta erat,
quoniam volens quo nollem perveneram. et quis
lure contradiceret, cum peccantem iusta poena se-
queretur? et non erat iam ilia excusatio, qua videri
424

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

infants : he seemed unto me not to have been more chap.
valiant, than happy in it ; for that by this means he ^
found the opportunity to attend upon thee only.
Which opportunity myself also sighed for, thus
bound as 1 was, not with another man's irons, but v^
with mine own iron will. My willingness was the
enemy master of; by which he made a chain for me,
and had therewith bound me. Because that of a
fro ward will, was a lust made ; and a lust ever
obeyed, became a custom ; and a custom not resisted,
brought on a necessity. By which links as it were
lianging one upon another, for which I have called it
a chain, did a very hard bondage hold me enthralled.
As for that new will which I now began to have
towards the free worshipping and enjoying of thee,
O God, the only assured Sweetness ; it was not /
able as yet to overcome my former wilfulness, now
hardened in me by so long continuance. Thus did
my two wills, one new and tother old, that carnal,
and this spiritual, try masteries within me, and by
their disagreeing wasted out my soul.

Thus came I to understand (myself affording me
the experiment) what I had sometimes read : how
the flesh lusteth against the spirit, and the spirit cjai. v. 17
against the flesh. I myself was in both ; yet of the
two, in that rather which I approved of in myself,
than in that which I disallowed. For in this, I was
now no more ; because much of it I suffered rather
against my will, than did it with my will. And yet

I was custom now by mine own assistance become more
sturdy against me, even because I was come willingly,
whither I would not have come. And who then can .
with any equity speak against it, if just punishment
follows upon the sinner.'* Nor had I now that fair

C3, upon pretence of which I heretofore seemed
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S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER VIII
CAP. mihi solebam propterea me nondum contempto sae-
culo servire tibi^ quia incerta mihi esset perceptio veri-
tatis : iam enim et ipsa certa erat. ego autem adhiic
terra obligatus^, militare tibi recusabam ; et inpedi-
meiitis omnibus sic timebam expediri, quemadmodum
inpediri timendum est.

Ita sarcina saeculi, velut somno assolet, dulcitev
premebar; et cogitatioiies^ quibus meditabar in te,
similes erant conatibus expergisci volentium, qui
tamen superati soporis altitudine remerguntur. et
sicut nemo est, qui dormire semper velit, omniumque
sano iudicio vigilare praestat, difFert taraen plerumque
homo somnum excutere, cum gravis torpor in mem-
bris est, eumque iam displicentem carpit libentius,
quamvis surgendi tempus advenerit: ita certuni
habebam, esse melius, tuae caritati me dedere, quani
meae cupiditati cedere ; sed illud placebat et vince-
bat, hoc libebat et vinciebat. non enim erat quod
tibi responderem dicenti mihi : Surge qui dormis, et
exsurge a mortuis, et inluminabit te Christus ; et
undique ostendenti vera te dicere, non erat omnino,
quid responderem veritate convictus, nisi tantuni
verba lenta et somnolenta : "modo/' ^^ecce modo/*
'' sine paululum." sed '^ modo et modo " non habebat
modum et ^^sine paululum" in longum ibat. frustra
426

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

to myself, not as yet able to forsake the world and ciiAr.
to attend to thy service, for that the knowledge of ^
the truth was hitherto uncertain unto me: seeing
now I stood assured of it. But I being enlisted by
the earth, refused to fight under thy banner. Yea,
as much afraid I was to be freed of what did hinder
my march towards thee, as I ought to have been
afraid of what might hinder it.

Tiius with the baggage of this present world was
I as sweetly overladen, as a man uses to be in a
dream : and those thouglits with which I meditated
upon thee, were like the struggles of such as woukl
,i;et up; who being yet overcome with a deep sleep,
iall again into it. And like as there is no man who
desires to sleep always, (for that in any sober man's
judgment it is much better to keep waking ;) yet ^
does a man oftentimes defer to shake off his drowsi-"^
ness, when he finds a heavy sluggishness all his body
over, and angry at himself for it, yet he willingly
takes another nap, notwithstanding it be high time
for him to be stirring : in like manner assured I
was, that much better it were for me to give up
myself to thy charity, than to give over myself to
mine own sensuality. But notwithstanding that
former course pleased, and convinced my mind, yet
this latter seized my will and held me confined.
Nor had I anything now to answer thee calling to
me : Arise, thou that sleepest, and staiul up from v.\>h. \.
the dead, and Christ shall give thee light : and
whereas thou on all sides sliowedst me, that what
thou saidst was true ; I had nothing at all to answer
for myself, being convinced by that truth ; but cer-
tain lither and drowsy words only : Anon, see, I come
by and by : let me sleep a little while. But my now
and anon had no measure with them, and my little

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S. AVGVSTJNI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
:!AR condelectabatur legi tuae secundum interiorem homi-
nem, cum alia lex in membris meis repugnaret legi
mentis meae, et captivum me duceret in lege peccati,
quae in membris meis erat. lex enim peccati est
violentia consuetudinis, qua traliitur et tenetur etiam
invitus animus, eo merito, quo in eam volens inlabi-
tur. miserum ergo me quis liberaret de corpore
mortis huius, nisi gratia tua per lesum Christum,
dominum nostrum ?

VI

CAP. Et de vinculo quidem desiderii concubitus, quo artis-

VI

simo tenebar, et saecularium negotiorum servitute
quemadmodum exemeris, narrabo et confitebor nomini
tuo, domine, adiutor mens et redemptor mens, age-
bam solita crescente anxitudine, et cotidie suspirabam
tibi ; frequentabam ecclesiam tuam, quantum vacabat
ab eis negotiis, sub quorum pondere gemebam.
mecum erat Alypius, otiosus ab opere iuris peritorum
post assessionem tertiam, expectans, quibus iterum
consilia venderet; sicut ego vendebam dicendi facul-
tatera, si qua docendo praestari potest. Nebridius
autera amicitiae nostrae cesserat, ut omnium nostrum
familiarissimo Verecundo, Mediolanensi et civi et
grammatico, subdoceret, vehementer desideranti et
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ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

while drove out into a mighty length. I in vain chap.

delighted in thy law according to the inner man, ^'

when another law in my members rebelled against Bom. yii. 22

the law of my mind, leading me captive in the law

of sin which was in my members. That law of sin Bom.vii. 23

now is the violence of custom, by which the mind

of man is drawn and holden even against its will ; a-

deserving to be so holden, for that it so willingly

slides into that custom. Wretched I therefore, who

could deliver me from the body of this death ; but

thy grace only, through Jesus Christ our Lord ?

VI

Ponliciamis relates the Life of St. Ajiihony

And the manner how thou deliveredst me out of the chap,
bonds of desire, which I had unto carnal concupi- ^^
scence, (wherewith I was most straitly fettered) and
from the drudgery of worldly business ; will I now
declare and confess unto thy name, O Lord my
Helper and my Redeemer. My wonted unsettled-
ness of mind grew more and more upon me ; and I
daily sent up sighs unto thee. Thy church I re-
sorted frequently unto, as my business (under the
burden of which I groaned) would give me leave.
Alypius was now in company with me ; at leisure
now from his law business, after the third time as
Assessor, expecting other clients whom he might sell
his counsels unto ; as I used to sell the skill of plead-
ing; if any such can be taught. Nebridius had now
so far condescended to our friendly requests, as to
lecture under Verecundus (a very familiar friend to
^^1 of us) a citizen and a grammarian of Milan ; who

B 4^9

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIOW M LIBER Mil
VAV. familiaritatis iure flaoitanti de luiniero nostro fidele

VI

adiutorium, quo indigebat nimis. non itaque Nebri-
dium cupiditas coiimodorum eo traxit — niaiora enim
posset, si vellet, de litteris agere — sed officio benevo-
lentiae petitionem nostram contemnere noluit, amicus
dulcissimus et mitissimus. agebat autem illud pru-
dentissime, cavens innotescere personis secundum
hoc saeculum maioribus, devitaiis in eis omnem in-
quietudinem animi, quern volebat habere h'berum, et
quam multis posset horis feriatum, ad quaerendnm
aliquid vel legendum vel audiendum de sapientia.

Quodam igitur die — non recolo causam, qua erat
absens Nebridius — cum ecce ad nos domum venit
ad me et Alypium Ponticianus quidam, civis noster,
in quantum Afer, praeclare in palatio militans : nescio
quid a nobis volebat, et consedimus, ut conloquere-
mur. et forte supra mensam hisoriam, quae ante nos
erat, adtendit codicem : tulit, aperuit, invenit aposto-
lum Paulum, inopinate sane; putaverat enim aliquid
de libris, quorum professio me conterebat. tum vero
arridens, meque intuens, gratulatorie miratus est, quod
eas et solas prae oculis meis litteras repente con-
perisset. Cliristianus quippe et fidelis erat, et saepe
tibi, deo nostro, prosternebatur in ecclesia crebris et
diuturnis orationibus. cui ego cum indicassem illis
430

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

vehemently requested, and by the right of friend- CHAr,
ship did even challenge such a friendly aid from ^^
our company, as he very much stood in need of.
Nebridius therefore was not drawn to that pains b}^
any desire of profit (for he might have done better
with literature if he had pleased) but being a most
sweet and tractable companion, out of his respects of
courtesy, would not slight the request we made to
him. But he carried it very discreetly, still wary of
being known to those personages whom the world
esteemed great ; declining thereby all breaking oft
the quiet of his own mind, which he resolved to
reserve free to himself, and at leisure as many hours
as might be, for the seeking, or reading, or hearing
something concerning wisdom.

Upon a certain day therefore (I do not now re-
member why Nebridius was absent) behold, there
came home unto me and Alypius, one Ponticianus
a countryman of ours, an African, who had an office
of good in the Emperor's Court. He wanted some-
thing or other from us : and down together we sat,
so that into discourse we fell. It so happened that
upon the table before us, which we used to play
upon, he espied a book lying ; up he took, and
opened it ; and quite besides his expectation, found
it to be St. Paul's Epistles, whereas he rather thought
it had been some of those books which I ware out
myself in teaching of. At which he smiling to him-
self, and looking upon me, in a congratulating manner
as it were, wondered not a little, that he had so un-
expectedly found such a kind of book, and only such
a one lying before me. For he was both a Christian
and faithful too ; and one that often used to pro-
strate himself before thee our God in the Church, in
frequent and long prayers. Whom therefore when

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. me scriptiiris curam maximam inpendere, ortus est
sermo ipso narrante de Antonio Aegyptio monacho,
cuius nomen excellenter clarebat apud servos tuos,
nos autem usque in illam horam latebat. quod ille
ubi eomperit, immoratus est in eo sermone, insinuans
tantum virum ignorantibus, et admirans eandem nos-
tram ignorantiam. stupebamus autem^ audientes tarn
recenti memoria et prope nostris temporibus testatis-
sima niirabiha tua, in fide recta et Catholica ecclesia.
omnes mirabamur, et nos, quia tarn magna erant, et
ille, quia inaudita nobis erant.

Inde sermo eius devolutus est ad monasteriorum
greges, et mores suaveolentiae tuae, et ubera deserta
heremi, quorum nos nihil sciebaraus. et erat monas-
terium Mediolanii, plenum bonis fratribus, extra urbis
moenia, sub Ambrosio nutritore, et iion noveramus.
pertendebat ille et loquebatur adhuc, et nos intent!
tacebamus. unde incidit, ut diceret, nescio quando
se et tres alios contubernales suos, nimiruni apud
Treveros, cum imperator pomeridiano circensiuui
spectaculo teneretur, exisse deambulatum in hortos
muris contiguos ; atqueillic, ut forte combinati spatia-
bantur, unum secum seorsum et alios duos itideni
seorsum pariterque digressos ; sed illos vagabundos
432

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

I had once told, how tliat I bestowed much pains chap
upon those writings ; there began a speech, (himself ^ ^
being the relater) of Anthony the monk of Egypt :
whose name was in most high reputation among thy
servants, though for our part we had not so much
as once heard of him to that hour. Which when
he had discovered, he insisted the more upon that
discourse, hinting the knowledge of so famous a
man unto us, and admiring at that our ignorance of
him. But we stood amazed, on the other side, hear-
ing such wonderful works of thine ; so generally
testified, so fresh in memory, and almost in our
own times, to be done in the true faith and Church
Catholic. We all wondered ; we to hear such great
things reported ; and he, that we had never heard
them.

From this story of Anthony, took he occasion to
discourse of the companies of monasteries, and the
fashions of thine own sweet-smelling savour and the
fruitful desert of the wilderness : of all which we
knew nothing. And there was at that same time a
monastery at Milan, full of good brethren, without
the walls of the city, under Ambrose the nourisher
of it, and yet we knew nothing of it. He went on
with his tale, and we listened to him with great
silence. Hereupon took he occasion to tell, how
himself (I know not at what time) and three other
of his comrades (and it was at Trier, whenas the
Emperor was taken up with seeing of the Circensian
chariot races) one afternoon went out to walk into
the gardens next the city walls ; where as it fell out,
they sorted themselves into two companies, one of
the three keeping with him, and the other two
walking at large also by themselves. But as these

fo were ranging up and down, they stumbled bv
2 E 43:j

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. inmisse in quandam casam, ubi habitabant quidam
servi tui spiritu pauperes, qualium est regnum caelo-
rum, et invenisse ibi codicem, in quo scripta erat vita
Antonii. quam legere coepit unus eorum, et mirari et
accendi, et inter legendum meditari arripere talem
vitam et relicta militia saeciilari servire tibi. erant
autem ex eis, quos dicunt Agentes in Rebus, turn
subito repletus amore saneto, et sobrio pudore iratus
sibi, coniecit oculos in amicum et ait illi : " die,
quaeso te, omnibus istis laboribus nostris quo ambi-
mus pervenire ? quid quaerimus ? cuius rei causa
militamus ? maiorne esse poterit spes nostra in
palatio, quam ut amici imperatoris simus? et ibi
quid non fragile plenumque periculis ? et per quot
pericula pervenitur ad grand ius periciilum ? et
quando istuc erit ? amicus autem dei, si voluero,
ecce nunc fio." dixit hoc, et turbid us parturitions
novae vitae reddidit oculos paginis : et legebat et
mutabatur intus, ubi tu videbas, et exuebatur
mundo mens eius, ut mox apparuit. nanique dum
legit et volvit fluctus cordis sui, infremuit aliquando
et discrevit decrevitque meliora : iamque tuus ait
amico suo : '' ego iam abrupi me ab ilia spe nostra, et
434

ST. AUGLSTINpyS CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

chance upon a certain little house, inhabited by chap
divers of thy servants, poor in spirit, of whom is the ^'^
Kingdom of God : where they found a little book, i^ii't'- v. 3
wherein the life of Anthony was described. One of
them began to read, wonder at it, and to be inflamed
with it ; and even in the very reading to devise with
himself upon the taking such a life upon him, and
by giving over his secular employments, to betake
himself into thy service. And these men were of
those whom they style Agents for the Public Affairs.
Then suddenly being filled with an holy love, and
a sober shamefastness, even angry at himself again,
he cast his eyes upon his friend, saying : Tell me,
I entreat thee, what preferment is that unto
which all these labours of ours aspire ? What aim
we at ? What is it we serve the State for } Can
our hopes in Court rise higher than to be the
Emperor's friends ? In which place what is there
not brittle and full of perils ? And by how^ many
dangers amve we at last unto one danger greater
than all the rest ? And how long shall we be in
getting thus high ? Whereas if I be desirous to
become the friend of God, lo, I am even now made
it. Thus he said : and all in pain in the travail of
newness of life, he turned his eyes again upon the
book : and he read on, and was inwardly changed
where thou didst discern him, and his mind was
quite dispossessed of worldly cares, as presently after
it appeared. For as he read forward, and rolled up
and down those waves of his heart, he made expres-
sion of some indignation at himself, felt an inward
conflict, and resolved finall}^ of much better courses.
And thus now become wholly thine, he saith unto his
friend : Even now have I broke loose from those

tl)itious hopes of ours, and am fully resolved to
435
I

S. AVGVSriNl CONFESSIONVM LIBER Mil
CAT. deo servire statui ; et hoc ex hac hora, in hoc loco
aggredior. te si piget imitari, noli adversari." re-
spondit ille, adhaerere se socium tantae mercedis
tantaeque militiae. et ambo^, iam tiii^ aedificabant
turrem siimptu idoneo, relinquendi omnia sua et
sequendi te. turn Ponticianus et qui cum eo per
alias horti partes deambulabant^ quaerentes eos de-
venerunt in eundem locum, et invenientes admonue-
runt, ut redirent, quod iam declinasset dies, at illi
narrato placito et proposito suo, quoque modo in eis
talis voluntas orta est atque firmata_, petiverunt, ne
sibi molesti essent, si adiungi recusarent. isti autem
nihil mutati a pristinis^ fleverunt se tamen, ut dice-
bat, atque illis pie congratulati sunt et conmendave-
nmt se orationibus eorum, et trahentes cor in terra
abierunt in palatium ; illi autem affigentes cor caelo
manserunt in casa ; et habebant ambo sponsas : qiia(
posteaquam hoc audierunt, dicaverunt etiam ipsaj
virginitatem tibi.

4JJ6

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

serve God only ; and this, from this hour forward, in chap.
this very place, will I enter upon : as for thee, if it ^^
irks thee to imitate me, yet do not offer to dissuade
me. Whereunto the other answered, that he also
would closely stick unto him, as his partner in so
ample a reward, and his fellow in so honourable a
service. Thus both of them now become thine, x^'
reared up a spiritual tower, with that treasure as is x/
only able to do it, of forsaking all and following thee.
Ponticianus then, and the other that was with him,
that had walked over other parts of the garden in
search of them, came in the very nick into the same
place, where they were; and having there found them,
put them in mind of going homewards, for that it
began to groAv something late. But they discovering
their resolution and pur})ose unto them, and by what
means that will began, and came to be settled in
them ; humbly desired they would not be trouble-
some to them, if so be they refused to join them-
selves unto them. But Ponticianus and his friend
no whit altered from their old wont, did yet bewail
themselves with tears, as he affirmed, piously con-
gratulating with them, and recommended themselves
to their prayers ; and turning their hearts towards
earthly things, returned into the Court. But the
other two setting their affections upon heavenly,
remained in that cottage. And both of them were
contracted to sweethearts ; who having once heard
of this business, dedicated also their own virginity
unto God,

4S7

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONViM LIBER VIII

VII

' :^^- Narrabat haec Poiiticiamis. tii autenij domine^
inter verba eius retoiquebas me ad me ipsum,
aiiferens me a dorso iiieo, ubi me posueram^ dum
nollem me adtendere ; et constituebas me ante faciem
meam^ ut viderem, quam turpis essem, qiiam dis-
tortus et sordidus, maculosus et ulcerosus. et vide-
bam et horrebam, et quo a me fugerem non erat. et
si conabar a me avertere aspectum, narrabat ille
quod narrabat ; et tu me rursus opponebas mihi, et
inpingebas me in oeulos meos, ut invenirem iniqui-
tatem et odissem. noveram eam, sed dissimulabani
et cohibebam et obliviscebar.

I'unc vero quanto ardentius amabam illos, de
quibus audiebam salubres aft'ectus^ quod se totos tibi
sanandos dederant^ tan to exsecrabilius me conpara-
tum eis oderam : quoniam multi mei anni mecum
effluxerant — forte duodecim anni — ex quo, ab unde-
vicensimo anno aetatis meae, lecto Ciceronis Hor-
tensio_, excitatus eram studio sapientiae^ et differebam
contempta felicitate terrena ad earn investigandani
vacare, cuius non inventio^ sed vel sola inquisitio, iani
praeponenda erat etiam inventis thesauris regnis-
\ que gentium, et ad nutum circumfluentibus corporis
438

ST. ALGUSriNES CONFESSIONS BOOK VlII

VII

Ue iLds out of Love willi himselj' upon this Story

This was Ponticianiis his story. But thou, O Lord, chap.
all the while that he was speaking, didst turn me ^^^
back to reflect upon myself; taking me from be-
hind my back, wliere I had heretofore placed my-
self, whenas I had no list to observe mine own self:
and thoa now settedst me before mine own face, that
[ might discern how filthy, and how crooked, and
sordid, and bespotted, and ulcerous I was. And I
beheld and abhorred myself, nor could I find any
place whither to flee from myself. And if I went
about to turn mine eyes from off myself, he went on
telling his tale ; and thou thereupon opposedst my-
self unto myself, and thrustedst me ever and anon
into mine own eyes, to make me find at last mine
own iniquity, and to loathe it. I had heretofore
taken notice of it; but I had again dissembled it,
winked at it, and forgotten it.

But at this time, how much the more ardently
I loved those two whose wholesome purposes I heard
tell of, even for that they had resigned up themselves
unto thee to be cured : so much the more detestably
did I hate myself in comparison of them. Because I
had already lost so many years, (twelve or thereabouts)
since that nineteenth of mine age, when upon the
reading of Cicero's Hortensius, I was first stirred up
to the study of wisdom : and still I was deferring
to despise all earthly felicity, and to search out that,
whose not finding alone, but the bare seeking, ought
to have been preferred before all the treasures and
kingdoms of this world already found, and before

439

k

S. AVGVSTINI CONFPISSIONVM LIBER Mil
CAP voluptatibus. at ego adulescens miser valde^ miserior
in exordio ipsius adulescentiae, etiam petieram a te
castitatem et dixeram : "da mihi castitatem et coii-
tinentiam, sed noli modo." timebam enim^ ne nie
cito exaudires et cito sanares a morbo concupi-
scentiae, qiiem malebani expleri quam exstingui.
et ieram per vias pravas superstitione sacrilega ; non
quidem certiis in ea, sed quasi praeponens earn
ceteris, quae non pie quaerebam, sed inimice oppug-
nabam.

Et putaveram me propterea differre de die in diem —
contempta spe saeculi te solum sequi, quia non mihi
apparebat cerium aliquid, quo dirigerem cursum
meura. et venerat dies, quo nudarer mihi et incre-
paret in me conscientia mea ; " ubi est lingua mea ?
nempe tu dicebas^ propter incertum verum nolle te
abicere sarcinam vanitatis. ecce iam certum est, et
ilia te adhuc premitj; umerisque liberioribus pinnas
recipiunt, qui neque ita in quaerendo adtriti sunt nee
decennio et amplius ista meditati." itarodebarintns
et confundebar pudore horribili vehementer, cum
Ponticianus talia loqueretur. terminato autem ser-
mone et causa, qua venerat, abiit ille, et ego ad me,
quae non in me dixi ? quibus sententiarum verberibus
440

S'J\ AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

all the pleasures of the body, though to be com- chap.
manded for a nod. But I, wretched young fellow ^^^^
that I was, more wretched even in the very entrance
into my youth, had even then begged chastity at thy
hands, and said : Give me chastity and continency,
but do not give it yet. For I was afraid that thou
wouldst hear me too soon, and too soon deliver me
from my disease of incontinency ; which my desire
was, rather to have satisfied than extinguished.
Yea, I had wandered with a sacrilegious superstition
through most wicked ways of Manicheisni : not yet
sure that' it was right, but preferring that, as it were,
before those others which I did not so much seek after
religiously, as oppose maliciously.

And this was the reason, as I think, why I deferred^
from day to day to contemn all hopes in this world,
;ind to follow thee only, for that there did not appear
any certain end, which I was to direct my course
unto. But now was the day come wherein I was to
be set naked before myself, and when mine own
conscience was to rebuke me : Where is thy tongue ?
Surely thou wert wont to say, how that for an un-
certain truth thou wouldst not yet cast off' the baggage
of vanity. See, certainty hath appeared now, and
yet does that burden still overload thee : whereas
behold, others have gotten wings to free their
shoulders by flying from under it ; others, I say, who
neither have so much worn out themselves with
seeking after that certainty, nor yet spent ten whole
years and more, in thinking how to do it. Thus felt
I a corrosive within, yea most vehemently confounded
I was with a horrible shame, whenas Ponticianus was
a telling that story. And he having done both his
tale and the business he came for, went his way,
id I into myself. What said I not within myself!

441

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. non flagellavi animam meam, iit sequeretur me
conantem post te ire ? et renitebatur, recusabat et
lion se execusabat. coiisumpta erant et convicta
arguiiienta omnia : remanserat muta trepidatio, et
quasi mortem formidabat restringi a fluxu consuetu-
dinis, quo tabescebat in mortem.

VII 1

CAP. TuM in ilia grandi rixa interioris domus meae. quam

VIII

fortiter excitaveram cum anima mea in eubieulo
nostro, corde meo, tam vultu quam mente turbatus
invado Alypium^ exclamo : '' quid patimur ? quid est
1 hoc, quod audisti ? surgunt indocti et caelum ra-
I piunt, et nos cum doctrinis nostris ecce ubi voluta-
mur in carne et sanguine ! an quia praecesserunt,
pudet sequi, et non pudet nee saltem sequi ? " dixi
nescio qua talia, et abripuit me ab illo aestus mens,
cum taceret attonitus me intuens. neque enim solita
sonabam. plus loquebantur aniniuni meuni frons,
genae, oculi, color, modus vocis, quam verba, quae
442

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIU

With what scourges of condemning sentences lashed chap.
I not mine own soiil^ to make it follow me, endeavour- ^^^
ing now to go after thee ! And it drew back : it
refused, but gave no reason to excuse its refusal by.
All its arguments were already spent and confuted,
there remained a silent trembling ; and it feared,
like the death, to be restrained from the sore of
custom, which made it pine away even to the very
death.

VIII

IVhat he did in Ike Garden

In the midst then of all this vast tempest of my inner chap.
house, which I had so stoutly raised up against mine ^nr
own soul, in our chamber, my heart ; all over troubled
both in mind and countenance, upon Alypius I set,
crying out : What ails us ? What is this, that tliou
heardest ? The unlearned start up and take heaven
by violence, and we with all our learning, see how we
wallow us in flesh and blood ! Because others are
gone before, is it a shame for us to come after ? Is
it not a shame not even to go after them ? Some
such words as these I then uttered : and in that
heat away I flung from him, while with silence and
astonishment he looked upon me. For my speeches
sounded not now in the key they were Avont to
do : yea, my forehead, my cheeks, my eyes, my
colour, and the accent of my voice, spake out my
mind more emphatically than the words did which I

448

^

S. AVXn STINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIll
CAV. promebam. hortiilus quidain erat liospitii nostri, quo
iios utebamur sicut tota domo : nam hospes ibi nou
habitabat, dominus domus. illuc me abstulerat
tumultus pectoris, ubi nemo impediret ardentem
Jitem^ quam mecum aggressus eram, donee exiret,
qua tu sciebas, ego autem non : sed tantum insanie-
bam salubriter et moriebar vitaliter, gnarus, quid
mali essem, et ignarus, quid boni post paululum
futurus essem. abscessi ergo in hortum et Alypius
pedem post pedem. neque enim secretum meum non
erat, ubi ille aderat. et quando me sic affectum
desereret ? sedimus quantum potuimus remoti ab
aedibus. ego fremebam spiritu^ indignans indigna-
tione turbulentissima, quod non irem in placitum et
pactum tecum, deus meus, in quod eundum esse
omnia ossa niea clamabant et in caelum tollebant
laudibus : et non illuc ibatur navibus aut quadrigis
aut pedibus, quantum saltem de domo in eum locum
ieram, ubi sedebamus. nam non solum ivv, vvvum
etiam pervenire illuc, nihil erat aliud quam vclle ire,
sed velle fortiter et integre, non semisauciam hac
atque hac versare ct iactare voluntatem, parte adsur-
gente cum alia parte cadente luctantem.

Denique tam multa faciebam corpore in ipsis cunc
tationis aestibus, quae aliquando volunt homines et
non valent, si aut ipsa membra non habeant aut ea
vel conligata vinculis vel resoluta languore vel qiio-
444

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

uttered. A garden there was belonging to our chap
lodging, which we had the liberty of, as well as of ^^^^^
any other part of the house ; for the master of the
house, our host, lived not there. Thither had the
tempest within my breast now hurried me, where no
man might come to non-suit that fiery action which I
had entered against myself, until it came to a good
issue ; but which way, God thou knewest, I did not.
Only I was for the time most soberly mad, and dying,
to live : sensible enough what piece of misery for the
j^resent I now was, but utterly ignorant how good I
sliortly was to grow. Into that garden went I, and
Vlypius followed me foot by foot : for I was no less
secret when he was near ; and how could he forsake
me, in such a state ? Down we sat us, as far from the
house as possibly we could. I fretted in the spirit,
angry at myself with a most tempestuous indignation,
for that I went not into thy will and covenant, my God ,
which all my bones cried out upon me to do, extolling
it to the very skies. That way we go not in ships, or
chariots, or upon our own legs, no not so small a part
of the way to it, as I had come from the liouse into
that })lace, where we were now sitting. For, not to
go towards only, but to arrive fully at that place,
required no more but the will to go to it, but yet /
to will it resolutely and thoroughly ;• not to stagger
and tumble down an half wounded will, now on
this side, and anon on that side ; setting the part
advancing itself to struggle with another j)art that
is falling.

Finally, in these vehement passions of my dtlay,
many of tiiose things performed I with my body,
whicii men sometimes would do, but cannot ; if
either they have not the limbs to do them withal ;
>r if those limbs l)e bound with cords, weakened

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S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. quo modo impedita sint. si vulsi capillum^ sipercussi
frontem^ si consertis digitis amplexatus sum genu^
quia voluij feci, potui autem velle et non facere, si
mobilitas membrorum non obsequeretur. tarn multa
ergo fecij ubi non hoc erat velle quod posse : et non
faciebam^ quod et incomparabili affectu amplius mihi
placebat, et mox^ ut vellem, possem, quia mox^ ut
vellem^ utique vellem. ibi enim facultas ea^ quae
voluntas^ et ipsum velle iam facere erat ; et tamen
non fiebat^ faciliusque obtemperabat corpus tenuissi-
mae voluntati animae, ut ad nutum membra move-
rentur, quam ipsa sibi anima ad voluntatem suam
magnam in sola voluntate perficiendam.

i

IX

CAi'. Vnde hoc monstrum ? et quare istuc? lueeat
misericordia tua, et interrogem, si forte mihi re-
spondere possint latebrae poenaruni liominum et 1
tenebrosissimae contritiones filiorum Adam, unde f
hoc monstrum ? et quare istuc ? imperat animus |
corpori, et paretur statim : imperat animus sibi, et '
resistitur. imperat animus, ut movent ur mnnus^ et
446

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

with infirmity, or be any other ways hindered. If I chap.
tare myself by the hair, beat my forehead, if locking ^^^^
my fingers one within another I beclasped my knee ;
all tliis I did because I would. But I might have
willed it, and yet not have done it, if so be the
motion of my limbs had not been pliable enough to
liave performed it. So many things therefore I now
did, at such time as the will was not all at one with
the power ; and something on the other side I then
did not, which did incomparably more affect me with
pleasure, which yet so soon as I had the will to do, I
had the power also ; because so soon as ever I willed,
I willed it thoroughly : for at such a time the power
is all one with the will ; and the Avilling is now the
doing : and yet was not the thing done, and more
easily did my body obey the weakest willing of my
mind in the moving of its limbs at her beck, than my
mind had obeyed itself in carrying out this great will
that could be done in the will alone.

^H IVkj/ the Mind is so slow to Goodness

^Bthence now is this portent, and to what purpose .f* oiiAV.
Let thy mercy enlighten me that I may put this '^
question : if so be those concealed anguishes which
men feel, and those most undiscoverable pangs of
contrition of the sons of Adam, may perhaps afford
me a right answer. Whence is this portent, and to
what end } The mind commands the body, and is a 'v
presently obeyed : the mind commands itself, and is J \
tsisted. The mind gives the word commanding the

44.;

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. tanta est facilitas, ut vix a servitio discernatur

IX

imperium : et animus animus est, manus autem
corpus est. imperat animus, ut velit animus, nee
alter est nee facit tamen. unde hoc monstrum ? et
quare istuc ? imperat, inquam, ut velit, qui non
imperaret, nisi vellet, et non facit quod imperat. sed
non ex toto vult : non ergo ex toto imperat. nam in
tantum imperat, in quantum vult, et in tantum non
fit quod imperat, in quantum non vult, quoniam
voluntas imperat, ut sit voluntas, nee alia, sed ipsa,
non itaque plena imperat ; ideo non est, quod
imperat. nam si plena esset, nee imperaret, ut esset,
quia iam esset. non igitur monstrum partim velle,
partim nolle, sed aegritudo animi est, quia non totus
assurgit veritate sublevatus, consuetudine praegrava-
tus. et ideo sunt duae voluntates, quia una earum
tota non est, et hoe adest alteri, quod deest alteri.

(\v. Pereant a facie tua, deus, siciiti pereunt, vaniloqui
et mentis seductores, qui cum duas voluntates in

deliberando animadverterint, duas naluras duariiin
448

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

hand to be moved ; and such readiness there is, that chap
the command is scarcely to be discerned from the ^^
execution. Yet the mind is mind, whereas the hand
is body. The mind commands mind to will ; it is the
same, and yet it does not. Whence is this portent,
I / and to what purpose ? 1 say it commands that itself
would M'ill a thing ; which never would give the
I command, unless it willed it : yet it does not that,
\ which is commanded. But it willeth not entirely:
\tlierefore doth it neither command entirely. For so
far forth it commandeth, as it willeth : and, so far
forth is not the thing done which is commanded, as
it willeth it not, because the will commandeth that
there be a will ; not another will but the same. But
it doth not command fully, therefore is not the thing
done, which it commanded. For were the willing
full, it would never command it to be, because it
would already be. 'Tis therefore no portent partly
to will, and partly to nill ; only an infirmity of our
soul it is, that it being overloaded with ill custom,
cannot entirely rise up together, though supjjorted
by verity. Hence is it that there be two wills, for
that one of them is not entire : and the one is supplied
with that, wherein the other lacks.

h

1^^ 'J hi' 11 ill oj Man is various

Let them perish out of thy sight, O God, (and they chap.
do perish, those vain babblers, and seducers of the ^
soul) who because they have observed that there

ftwo wills in the act of deliberating, affirm
I tl F 449

S. AVGVSTINl CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAr. mentium esse asseverant^ unam bonam, alteram
malam. ipsi vere mali sunt, cum ista mala sentiunt,
et idem ipsi boni erunt^ si vera senserint verisque
consenserint, ut dicat eis apostolus tuus : fuistis
aliquando tenebrae, nunc autem lux in domino, illi
enim dum volunt esse lux non in domino, sed in se
ipsiSj putando animae naturam hoe esse, quod deus
est, ita facti sunt densiores tenebrae, quoniam
longius a te recesserunt horrenda arrogantia, a te,
verolumine inluminante omnem hominem venientem
in hunc mundum. adtendite, quid dicatis, et eru-
bescite : et accedite ad eum et inluminamini, et vultus
vestri non erubescent, ego cum deliberabam, ut ser-
virem domino deo meo, sicut din disposueram, ego
eram, qui volebara, ego, qui nolebam ; ego eram. nee
plene volebam nee plene nolebam. ideo mecum
contendebam et dissipabar a me ipso, et ipsa dissi-
patio me invito quidem fiebat, nee tamen ostendebat
naturam mentis alienae, sed poenam meae. et idto
non iam ego operabar illam, sed quod habitat in me
peccatum, de supplicio liberioris peccati, quia eram
filius Adam.

Nam si tot sunt contrariae naturae, quot volun-
tates sibi resistant, non iam duae, sed plures erunl.
si deliberet quisquam, utrum ad conventiculum
eorum pergat an ad theatrum, clamant isti : " ecce
duae naturae, una bona hac ducit, altera mala iliac
450

]

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

thereupon, that there are two kinds of natures, of CHAi\
two kinds of souls, one good and the other bad. ^
Themselves are truly bad, whenas they believe these
bad opinions : and the same men shall become good,
if they shall come to believe true opinions, and
shall consent unto the true, that thy Apostle may
say unto them, Ye were sometime darkness, but ] pii. v. 8
now are ye light in the Lord. But these fellows
would be light indeed, not in the Lord, but in them-
selves ; imagining the nature of the soul to be the
same that God is. Thus are they made more gross
darkness ; for that they went back farther from thee,
through a horrid arrogancy : from thee the true
Light that lighteth every man that cometh into this John i. »
world. Take heed what you say. and blush for
shame: draw near unto him and be enlightened, rs.xxxiv. 6
and your faces shall not be ashamed. Myself when
sometime I deliberated upon serving of the Lord my
God, (as I long had purposed) it was myself who
willed it, and myself who nilled it ; it was I myself
I neither willed entirely, nor yet nilled entirely.
Therefore was I at strife with myself, and distracted
by mine own self. Which distracting befell me
much against my mind, nor yet shewed ic forth the
nature of another man's mind, but the punishment
of mine own. I therefore myself was not the causer
of it, but the sin that dwells in me : from the punish-
ment of that more voluntary sin, because I was a son
of Adam.

For if there be so many contrary natures in man,
as there be wills resisting one another ; there shall
not now be two natures alone, but many. Supj)ose
a man should deliberate with himself whether he
should go to their conventicle, or go to see a play ;
presently they cry oUt: Behold, here are two natures ;

451

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP reducit. nam unde ista cunctatio sibimet adversan-

X

tium voluntatum ? " ego autem dico ambas malas,
et quae ad illos ducit et quae ad theatrum reducit.
sed non credunt nisi bonam esse, qua itur ad eos.
quid ? si ergo quisquam noster deliberet, et secuni
altercantibus duabus voluntatibus fluctuet, utrum ad
theatrum pergat an ad ecclesiam nostram, nonne et
isti quid respondeant fluctuabunt? aut enim fate-
buntur, quod nolunt, bona voluntate pergi in eccle-
siam nostram, sicut in earn pergunt qui sacramentis
eius imbuti sunt atque detinentur, aut duas malas
naturas et duas malas nientes in unq Iiomine con-
fligere putabunt, et non erit verum quod solent
dicere, unam bonam, alteram malam ; aut convert-
en tur ad verum et non negabunt, cum quisque
deliberate animam unam diversis voluntatibus
aestuare.

lam ergo non dicant, cum duas voluntates in
homine uuo adversari sibi sentiunt, duas contrarias
mentes, de duabus contrariis substantiis, et de duobus
contrariis principiis contendere, unam bonam, alteram
malam. nam tu, deus verax, improbas eos et re-
darguis atque convincis eos, sicut in utraque mala
volunlate, cum quisque deliberat, utrum hominem
veneno interimat an ferro, utrum fundum alienuni
452

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

one good, which draws this way ; and another bad, chap.
which draws back that way. Else whence is this ^
mammering of the wills thus thwarting one another ?
But I answer, that both these wills be bad : that as
ill, which draws to their conventicle, as that which
draws back unto the theatre. But they will not
believe that will to be other than good, which brings
men to them. Suppose then one of us should de-
liberate, and through the dispute of his two wills
should be in a quandary, whether he should go see a
play, or come to our church : will not they be as
much in a quandary what to answer? For either
must they confess, (which they will never grant)
that the will which leads to our church is good,
as it is in them which go to their church, who
are partakers of her sacraments, and detained in
her obedience ; or else must they suppose that
there be two evil natures, and two evil souls in
one man, which combat one another ; and it will
not be true which they are wont to affirm, that
there is one good, and the other bad ; or must
they be converted to the truth, and no more
deny, that in the acts of one man's deliberation
there is one soul distracted between two contrary
wills.

Let them no more say, therefore, that whenas they
perceive two wills to be contrary one to another in
one man, that there be two contrary souls, made
of two contrary substances, from two contrary prin-
ciples, one good, and the other bad, contending one
with another. For thou, O true God, dost disprove,
check, and convince them; like as when both wills
being bad, a man deliberates with himself, whether
he should kill a man by poison or by the sword ?
Whether he should take in this piece, or that, of

153

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. ilium an ilium invadat,, quando utrumque non potest,
utrum emat voluptatem luxuria an pecuniam servet
avaritia, utrum ad circum pergat an ad theatrum, si
uno die utrumque exhibeatur; addo etiam tertiuni,
an ad furtum de domo aliena, si subest occasio ;
addo et quartum, an ad conmittendum adulterium, si
et inde simul facultas aperitur, si omnia concurrant
in unum articulum temporis, pariterque cupiuntur
omnia, quae simul agi nequeunt: discerpunt enim
animum sibimet adversantibus quattuor voluntatibus
vel etiam pluribus, in tanta copia rerum, quae appe-
tuntur: nee tamen tantam multitudinem diversarum
substantiarum solent dicere. ita et in bonis volun-
tatibus. nam quaero ab eis, utrum bonum sit
delectari leetione af)ostoli, et utrum bonum sit de-
lectari psalmo sobrio, et utrum bonum sit evangelium
disserere. respondebunt ad singula: "bonum,"
quid? si ergo pariter delectent omnia siinulque uno
tempore, nonne diversae voluntates distend unt ror
hominis, dum deliberatur, quid potissimum arripia-
mus ? et omnes bonae sunt et certant secum, donee
eligatur unum, quo feriatur tota voluntas una, quae
in plures dividebatur. ita etiam, cum aeternitas
delectat superius et temporalis boni voluptas retentat
inferius, eadem anima est non tota voluntate illud
454

t/

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

another man's ground, whenas he cannot do both ? CHAr,
Whether he should purchase pleasure with prodi- ^
gality, or keep close his money by covetousness ?
Whetlier he should go to the chariot race, or to the
theatre, if they were both to be seen upon one day?
J add also a third instance; whether he should rob
another man's house, had he the opportunity : and
a fourth I add, or whether he should commit adultery
if the means is opened from that side also at the same
time; if all these concurred in the same instant of time,
and if all these acts be equally desired, which cannot
possibly be all at one time acted. For verily they
tear in sunder the soul amongst four different wills,
clean contraiy to one another, perchance among
more than four : in such variety of things which are
desirable, yet use they not to affirm that there is
any such multitude of divers substances. Thus also
is it in such wills as are good. For I demand of
them, whether it be a good thing to be delighted in
reading of the Apostle ? And whether it be a good
mind to be delighted in a sober Psalm ? and, whether
it be a good act to discourse upon the Gospel ^ They
will answer to each of these, that it is good. What
now if all these equally delight us, and all together
at the same time? Do not divers wills then rack
the mind, whenas a man is deliberating which of
all these we should chiefly take ? Yet are all these
wills good, although they all contend with one
another ; till such time as one of them be made
choice of, whereby the whole will is set at rest and
united, which was before divided into many. Thus
also, when eternity delights the superior parts, and
the pleasure of some tempoial good holds fast the
inferior ; it is but one and the same soul which willetli
not this or that with an entire will ; and is therefore

45.')

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. aut hoc volens ; et ideo discerpitur gravi molestia,
dum illud veritate praeponit^ hoc familiaritate non
ponit.

XI

CAP. Sic aegrotabam et exci'uciabar_, accusans memet ipsum
solito acerbius nimis, ac volvens et versans me in
vinculo meo, donee abrumperetur totum, quo iam
exiguo tenebar. sed tenebar tameu. et instabas
tamen in occultis meiSj domine, severa misericord i a
flagella ingeminans timoris et pudoris, ne rursus ees-
sarem et non abrumperetur id ipsum exiguum el
tenue, quod remanserat, et revalesceret iterum, et
me robustius alligaret. dicebam enim apud me
intus : '' ecce modo fiat, modo fiat/' et cum verbo
iam ibam in placitum. iam paene faciebam, et non
faciebam ; nee relabebar tamen in pristina, sed de
proximo stabam et respirabam. et item conabar, et
paulo minus ibi eram et paulo minus, iam iamquo
adtingebam et tenebam : et non ibi eram nee
adtingebam nee tenebam, haesitans mori morti et
vitae vivere ; plusque in me valebat deterius inolituni.
quam melius insolitum ; punctumque ipsum tempoi is,
quo alind futurus eram, (juanto propius admovebatur,

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

torn in sunder with grievous perplexity, because chap.
truth makes it put this first, while habit suffers it not ^
to put that away.

XI

The. Combat in him hehvixt the Spirit and the Flesh
Tuts soul-sick 1 was, and in this manner tormented ; chap.
accusing myself much more eagerly than I was wont, "
turning and winding myself in my chain, till that
which held me might be utterly broken ; which
though but little, yet held it me fast enough not-
withstanding. And thou, O Lord, pressedst upon
me in my inward parts, by a most severe mercy
redoubling my lashes of fear and shame, lest I should

Igive way again, and lest that small and tender tie,
which now only was left, should not break off but
recover strength again, and hamper me again the
faster. For I said within myself: Behold, let it be
done now, let it be done now. And no sooner had
I said the word, but that I began to put on tlie
resolution. Now I even almost did it, yet indeed I
did it not : yet notwithstanding, fell I not quite back
to my old wont, but stood in the degree next to it,
to fetch new breath. Yea, I set upon it again, and
I wanted but very little of getting up to it, and
within a very little, even by and by obtained I to
touch and lay hold of it ; and yet could I not get up
to it, nor come to touch, or lay full hold of it, still
fearing to die unto death, and to live unto life :
and the worse which I had been anciently inured
unto, prevailed more with me than the better, to
which I was unused: yea, the very instant of time

I wherein I was to become something else, the nearer it
\ 457

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSION VM LIBER VIII

CAP. tanto ampliorem incutiebat horrorem ; sed non
XI ^ .

recutiebat retro nee avertebat, sed suspendebat.

Retinebant nugae nugarum et vanitates vanit.i-
tum, antiquae amicae meae^ et succiitiebant vestem
nieam carneam et submurmurabant : " dimittisne
nos?" et ^*a momento isto non erimiis tecum ultra
in aeternum" et "a momento isto non tibi licebit
hoc et illud ultra in aeternum." et quae suggere-
bant in eo, quod dixi "hoc et illud," quae suggere-
bant, deus meus,^ avertat ab anima servi tui
misericordia tua! quas sordes suggerebant^ quae
dedecora ! et audiebam eas iam longe minus quam
dimidius, non tamquam libere contradicentes eundo
in obviam, sed velut a dorso mussitantes et disce-
dentem quasi furtim vellicantes, ut respicerem.
retardabant tamen cunctantem me abripere atque
excutere ab eis et transilire quo vocabar, cum
diceret milii consuetndo violenta : " putasne sine
istrs poteris ?"

Sed iam tepidissime hoc dicebat. aperiebatur enim
ab ea parte, qua intend eram faciem et quo transire
trepidabam, casta dignitas continentiae, serena et non
dissolute hilaris, honeste blandiens, ut venirem neque
dubitarem, et extendens ad me suscipiendinu et
amplectendum pias maniis, pleiias gregibns bononnn
458

ST. AUGUSIINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

approaclied to me, the greater horror did it strike chap.
into me. But for all this did it not strike me utterly ^^
back, nor turned me quite off, but kept me in suspense
only.

The very toys of all toys, and vanities of vanities,
(those ancient favourites of mine) were they which so
fast withheld me : they plucked softly at this fleshly
garment, and spake softly in mine ears : Canst thou
thus part with us ? And shall we no more accom-
pany thee from this time for ever ? And from this
time forth shall it no more be lawful for thee to do
this or that for ever ? And what were those things
which they suggested to me in that phrase this or
that, as I said, what were those which they suggested,

my God ? Such, as let thy mercy utterly turn
away from the soul of thy servant. Oh what im-
purities, oh what most shameful things did they
suggest ! And now I much less than half heard
them, nor now so freely contradicting me face to
face ; but muttering as it were softly behind my back,
and giving me a privy pluck as I went from them that

1 might look once more back : yet for all this as I
hesitated they did hold me back from snatching
away myself, and shaking them off, and leaping from
them to the place I was called unto; for violent
custom thus rowned me in the ear : Thinkest thou
to be ever able to live without all that ?

But by this time it spake very faintly. For on
that side which I set my face towards, and whither I
trembled to go, was that chaste dignity of Continency
discovered ; cheerful was she, but not dissolutely
pleasant, honestly coaxing me to come to her, and
doubt nothing : yea stretching forth those devout
hands of hers, so full of the multitudes of good
examples, both to receive and to embrace me. There

459

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER Vlll
CAP. exemplorum. ibi tot pueri et puellae, ibi iuventus
multa, et omnis aetas, et graves viduae et virgines
anus, et in omnibus ipsa continentia, nequaquani
sterilis, sed fecunda mater filiorum, gaudiorum de
marito te, domine. et inridebat me inrisione horta-
toria, quasi diceret: "tu non poteris, quod isti, quod
istae ? an vero isti et istae in se ipsis possunt ae non
in domino deo suo ? dominus deus eorum me dedit eis.
quid in te stas et non in te stas ? proice te in eum,
noli metuere ; non se subtrahet^ at cadas : proice te
secuius, excipiet et sanabit te. " et erubescebam
nimiSj quia illarum nugarum murmura adhuc audie- %
bam^ et cunctabundus pendebam. et rursus illa^ ^
quasi diceret: ^'obsurdesce adversus inmunda ilia
membra tua, ut mortificentur. narrant tibi delecta-
tiones, sed non sicut lex domini dei tui." ista con-
troversia in corde meo non nisi de me ipso adversus
me ipsum. at Alypius affixus lateri meo iniisitati
motus mei exitum tacitus opperiebatur.

460

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VTII

were in company with her very many both young men CHAP,
and maidens, a multitude of youth and of all ages : ^^
both grave widows and ancient virgins, and Continence
herself in every one of them, not barren at all, but
a fruitful mother of children, her joys, by thee her ps. cxiii. o
husband, O Lord. And she was pleasant with me
with a kind of exhorting quip, as if she should have
said : Canst not thou perform what these of both
sexes have performed ? Or can any of these perform
thus much of themselves, not rather by the Lord
their God? The Lord their God gave me unto
them. Why standest thou on thyself, and on thy-
self standest not ? Cast thyself upon him ; fear
not, he will not slip away and make thee fall. Cast
thyself boldly upon him, he will receive thee, and he
will heal thee. I blushed all this while to myself
very much, for that I yet heard the muttering of
those toys, and that I yet hung in suspense. Where-
upon she seemed to say again : Stop thine ears
against those unclean members of thine, that they Col. iii. 5
may be mortified. They tell thee of delights in-
deed, but not such as the law of the Lord thy God
tells thee of. This was the controversy I felt in my
heart, about nothing but myselt, against myself. But
Alypius sitting by my side, in silence expected the
issue of my unaccustomed agitation.

461

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSlONViVl LIBER VIII

XII

TAP. Vbi vero a fundo arcano alta consideratio traxit et -
^n ...

congessit totam miseriam meam in conspectu cordis

mei, oborta est procella in gens, ferens ingentem im-
brem lacrimarum. et ut totum effunderem cum vocibus
suis, surrexi ab Alypio — solitudo mihi ad negotiuni
flendi aptior suggerebatur — et secessi remotius, qiianijj
ut posset mihi onerosa esse etiam eius praesentia. sic ^
tunc eram, et ille sensit : nescio quid enim, puto^
dixeram, in quo apparebat sonus vocis meae iam fletu
gravidus, et sic surrexeram. mansit ergo ille ubi
sedebamus nimie stupens. ego sub quadam fici
arbore stravi me nescio quomodo, et diniisi habenas
lacrimis, et proruperunt flumina oculorum meorum,
acceptabile sacrificium tuum, et non quidem his ver-
bis, sed in hac sententia multa dixi tibi : " et tu,
domine, usquequo.^ usquequo, domine, irasceris in
finem .'' ne memor fueris iniquitaluin nostraruin aiiti-
quarum." sentiebam enim eis me teneri. iactabani
voces miserabiles : '^quamdiu, quamdiu 'eras et
eras ' ? quare non modo ? quare non hac hora finis
turpitudinis meae ^ "

Dicebam haec, et flebam, amarissima contritione
cordis mei. et ecce audio vocem de vicina domocum
4f)2

T. ALGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

J

XII

How he was converted hy a voice

So soon therefore as a deep consideration even from chap.
the secret bottom of my soul^ had drawn together and ^^^
hiid all my misery upon one heap before the eyes of
my heart; there rose up a mighty storm, bringing as
mighty a shower of tears with it ; which that I might
pour forth with such expressions as suited best with
them^ I rose from Alypius : for I conceived that soli-
tariness was more fit for a business of weeping. So far
off then I went, as that even his presence might not
be troublesome unto me. Thus disposed was I at that
time, and he perceived of it ; sometliing I believe I
had said before, which discovered the sound of my
voice to be big with weeping, and in that case I rose
from him. He thereupon stayed alone where we sat
together, most extremely astonished. I flung down
myself I know not how, under a certain fig tree,
giving all liberty to my tears : whereupon the floods
of mine eyes gushed out, an acceptable sacrifice to
thee, O Lord. And though not perchance in these
very words, yet much to this purpose said I unto
thee : And thou, O Lord, how long, how long. Lord, Ps. vi. 3
wilt thou be angry, for ever ? Remember not our Ps. ixxix.
former iniquities : (for I found myself to be still en- ^
thralled by them). Yea, I sent up these miserable
exclamations. How long? how long still 'Ho-nior-
row," and "^ to-morrow " .'' Why not now } Wherefore
even this very hour is there not an end put to my
uncleanness }

Thus much I uttered, weeping, in the most bitter
contrition of my heart : whenas behold I heard a

4f).S

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM LIBER VIII
CAP. cantu dicciitis, et crebro repetentis, quasi piieri an
puellae, nescio : " tolle lege, tolle lege." statimque
mutato vultu intentissimus cogitare coepi, utrumnam
solerent pueri in aliquo genere ludendi cantitare tale
aliquid, nee occurrebat omnino audisse me uspiam :
repressoque impetu lacrimarum surrexi, nihil aliud
interpretans divinitus mihi iuberi, nisi ut aperireni
codicem et legerem quod primum cai)ut invenisseni.|
audieram enim de Antonio, quod ex evangelica lee-
tione, cui forte supervenerat, admonitus fuerit, tani-
qnam sibi diceretur quod legebatur : vade, vende
omnia;, quae habes, da pauperibus et habebis thesau-
rum in caelis ; et veni, sequere me : et tali oraculo
confestim ad te esse conversum. itaque concitus""
redii in eum locum, ubi sedebat Alypius : ibi enim
posueram codicem apostoli, eum inde surrexeram.
arripui, aperui et legi in silentio capitulum, quo pri-
mum coniecti sunt oculi mei : /non in comissationibus
et ebrietatibus, non in cubilibus et inpudicitiis, non
in contentione et aemulatione, sed induite dominum
lesum Christum, et carnis providentiam ne feceritis
in concupiscentiis. nee ultra volui legere, nee opus
erat. statim quippe cum fine huiusce sententiac,
quasi luce sccuritatis infusa cordi meo, omnes dubita-
tionis tenebrae diffugerunt.

Turn Interiecto aut digitoaut nescio quo alio signo,
codicem clausi, et tranquillo iam vultu indicavi Alypio.
46i

ST. AUGUSTINpyS CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

voice from some neighbom^'s house, as it had been chap
of a boy or girl, 1 know not whether, in a singing ^^^
tune saying, and often repeating: Take up and read.
Take up and read. Instantly changing my counte-
nance tliereupon, I began very heedfully to bethink
myself, whether children were wont in any kind of
playing to sing any such words : nor could I remem-
ber myself ever to have heard the like Whereupon
refraining the violent torrent of my tears, up I gat
me ; interpreting it no other way, but that I was
from God himself commanded to open the book, and
to read that chapter which I should first light upon.
For I had heard of Anthony, that by hearing of the
Gospel which he once chanced to come in upon, he
took himself to be admonished, as if what was read,
had purposely been spoken unto him : Go, and sell Matt, xix,
that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt ^^
have treasure in heaven, and come and follow me :
and by such a miracle that he was presently converted
unto thee. Hastily therefore went I again to that
place where Alypius was sitting ; for there had I laid
the Apostle's book whenas I rose from thence. I
snatched it up, I opened it, and in silence I read that
chapter which I had first cast mine eyes upon : Not
in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and Rom. xiil.
wantonness, not in strife and envying : but put ye on ^^

Bthe Lord Jesus Christ ; and make not provision for
the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof. No further would
I read ; nor needed I. For instantly even with the
end of this sentence, by a light as it were of con-
fidence now darted into my heart, all the darkness ^
of doubting vanished away.

Shutting up the book thereupon, and putting my

finger between, or I know not what other mark, with

a well-quieted countenance I discovered all this unto

I 2 u 465

I

S. AVGVSTINI CONFESSIONVM IJBER VIII

CAV. at ille quid in se ageretur — quod ego nesciebam —

sicindicavit. petit videre quid legissem : ostendi, et

adtendit etiam ultra quam ego legerani^ et ignora-

bam quid sequeretur. sequebatur autem : infirmuin

vero in fide recipite. quod ille ad se rettulit mihi-

qiie apeiuit. sed tali admonitione firmatus est,

placitoque ac proposito bono (et congruentissimosuis'

moribus, quibus a me in melius iam olim valde

longeque distabat), sine ulla turbulenta cunctatione

coniunctus est. inde ad matrem ingredimur, indica-

mus : gaudet. narramus, quemadmodum gestum sit :

exultat et triumphat, et benedicebat tibi, qui potens

es ultra quam petimus aut intellegimus facere, quia

tanto amplius sibi a te concessum de me videbat,

quam petere solebat miserabilibus flebilibusque gemi-

tibus. convertisti enim me ad te, ut nee uxorem

quaererem nee aliquam spem saeculi huius, s!aiis

in ea regula fidei, in qua me ante tot annos ei

revelaveras : et convertisti luctum eius

in gaudium, multo uberius, quam

voluerat, et multo earius atqiie

castius, quam de nepot-

ibus carnis meae

requirebat.

466

ST. AUGUSTINE'S CONFESSIONS BOOK VIII

Alypius. And he again in this manner revealed unto chap.
me what also was wrought in his heart, which I verily -^^^
knew nothing of. He requested to see what I had
read : I shewed him the place ; and he looked further
than I had read, nor knew I what followed. This
followed : Him that is weak in faith, receive : which Kom. xIt
he applied to himself, and shewed it to me. And hy
this admonition was he strengthened, and unto that
i>ood resolution and purpose (which was most agree-
able to his disposition, wherein he did always very
far differ from me, to the better) without all turbulent
delaying did he now apply himself. From thence
went we into the house unto my mother : we discover
ourselves, she rejoices for it ; we declare in order
how everything was done ; she leaps for joy, and
triumpheth, and blessed thee, who art able to do
above that which we ask or think ; for that she per-
ceived thee to have given her so much more con-
cerning me, than she was wont to beg by her pitiful
and most doleful groanings. For so thou convertedst
me unto thyself, as that I sought now no more after
a wife, nor any other hopes in this world : standing
thus upon the same rule of faith, in which thou
hadst shewed me unto her in a vision, so many years
before, 'i'hus didst thou convert her mourn-
iug into rejoicing, and that much more
plentifully than she had desired, and
with a nnich dearer and a
chaster joy, than she erst re-
quired from any grand-
children of my body.

46:

INDEX

ACAUKMICS, '2A')

Adeodalus, Z-Jo

Aeneas, 39

Ag'ens in Kebus, 43 i

All is g:ood, a 7 5

Alypius, 291, 297, 301, 3u5, 391,

429, 461
Ambition, 289

Ambrose, 255, 257, 267, 273, 4ii7
Anthony, the monk of K^ypt. 4 33
ApoUiuaristae, 392
Aristotle, 197
Assessor, 305
Astrology, 153
Athenian literature, r.?!
Aug:nstiue :

childhood, *_'.")

sclioDl, 2 7

studies of (ireek and Latin
39, 43

theft. 5 7

youthful sins, 65

i leaves school at sixteen, 71
robs a pear-tree, 77
yoes to Carthage, 99
studies law and rhetoric, 107
reads Cicero, 109
joins the Manichees, 115
life from nineteen to twenty-
eight years of age, 147
his mistress, 149
^^L studies astrology, 153

Ik

Augustine (continued) :
his friend, 159
ifoes to Carthage again, 169
writes " De Pnlchro," 185
reads Aristotle, 197
meets FauBtus, 211
teaches rhetoric at ('artliage,

231
goes to Kome, 235
his fever, 239

teaches rhetoric at Rome, 253
goes to Milan to teach, 255
his progress towards faith,

265
seeks a wife, 321
his son, 325

changes his mistress, 325
reads iu the I'latonists, 365
goes to Simplicianus, 403
crifiis in the garden, 443, 45 7

Bkauty, 179, 183
Beggar, story of, 287
Bishop's answiT about the dream
141

Carthage :

life at, 99, 169, 211, 231
disorders amongst scholars, 283

Categories, the Ten, 197

Cicero, 109, 227

Comes largitionum Italicarum, 3u4

4(jy

INDEX

C'onsiliarius, 306

Corporeal and spiritual, 191, ins

" I)E PULCHRO ET APTO," 18')
Dido, 39

Dream of AiiL:iHriiic"< moilifi-. 137
Duality, 191

Eclipses foretold, 213, l'17
Epicurus, 82 7
Equinox, 217
Eversores, 108
Evil, source of, 121
a substance, 247

Father of Augustine, 71, 7S
Faustus, a Maniciiean, 211, 219.

223
Finiiiuns, 353
i'ood, Manidieau view of, 14 7

offered at the saints' oratories,
269
Freewill, 341
Friend's death, 159, 165

Gamks, Circensian, 293

Garden, the crisis in a. 443

Gladiators, 297

Greek language, 39, 43

(;rief for the dead, 161, lf.3. Ifi7

•11 " DROPT iu pronunciation, o.'r

Uk-rins, 185

Hipitocrates, 155

Homer, 43, 47

Horoscopes, folly of, 355

" Hortensins" .ii riccro, Kiy

IdOLATRV, 369
Infancy, 15, 21

470

.Ici-rAN, Emperor. 4 23
Juno, 51
Jupiter, 4 7

Law, study of, 107
l.earnino- by compulsion, 37
Letter and spirit, 27 7
Love, 183

Madaliia, 71

Manichees, 115, 136, 211, 245, 2S1,
259, 339, 341, 451

Marriage, 317

Medea, 119

Milan, 255

Mistress, his, 149, 325

Monasrtery at Milan, 433 |

Mother of Augur^tiue, 73 J

her dream, 137 |

wishes to accompany him to

IJome, 237
her kindly cotmtry ways, 2i;'J
seeks a wife for her son, 321

Mythology, 47, 49

KebrIDIUS, 157, 201. 3U9. 339, 42i
OVERTURNERS, the, lo9

Paul and Saul, 421
Paul's Epistles, 431
I'lar-tree robbed, 7 7

why he did it, 91
Philosophy, 111
Photiuus, 393
Platonists, 365. 3 93
Ponticianns, 431

KiiKTOKic learher at < 'uriluii.;e, 23 !
lloraaniauus. ."iT.
Rome, 233, 23"-. 24;;

INDEX

.fiT. Cyprian, chapel i^i'. •.
-?aiil aiul Paul. 423
Rchooldayu, 27
Seneca, 227
Slmpliolainis. 4u3. -411
Sinfulne:ss iu inl'aiifv, 21
Solomon, 121
^iolstice, 217
Son, Augustine's, ?,'2')
Speak, leaniiufT to. 2 5. 4,';
Stage -plays, 101
Svmmaelnis. 255

Tkars, the niotlicr
Terence, 49
Tliagaste, 71, I6y

1 \:

Tlieft in childhood, 5 7, 77
'I'liiovery detecttd^ ^yi
Three and seven, 23]
Time's en re, 169
Trees' consciousness, in;
Trier, 433

IMty, 191

Vkuf.cundus, 429

Verse-writing-, 1 25

Victorinus, conrersion of, 4o7, 41 S

Vindicianns, 851

Viroil. 45

Wizard, 151

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