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NUMBER 
8 TWENTY-THREE 


QUR PRICE 


$1.00 


CHEAP 
34080 










OUR FULL-COLOR 
FOLD OUT BONUS 


DON 
MARTIN 


A ///, PRE-GLUED AND PERFORATED FOR 
) xe IMMEDIATE MISUSE AND ABUSE!!! 


SEEDY NBR NEE NE EI 
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It’s been done! 


ITER: AL JAPFEE 


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- SPECIAL 
WIN Eee 
~ ‘TWENTY-THREE 


“Before arguing with your Boss, it may be well to look at both sides: 
His side...and the Outside!”’—Alfred E. Neuman 





WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editor 
JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production 
JERRY De FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editors 


CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS 
the usual gang of idiots 





MAD SPECIAL NUMBER 23—Published by E. C. Publications, Inc., 485 MADison 
Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022. Entire Contents Copyright © 1973, 1974 and 
1977 by E. C. Publications, inc. The names and characters used in all MAD 
fiction and semi-fiction are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a 


living person is a coincidence. ae cant Printed in U.S.A. 


vt 


DEPARTMENTS 


_. (In Order Of Their Appearance) 


DE SADEST STORY EVER TOLD DEPARTMENT 


“A Crockwork Lemon”’ (Movie Satire) ...............00..... 2 
_ SCREEN PLAGUES DEPARTMENT 

The MAD TV Viewers Hate Book ................ccccccc0. 10 
YOU'RE IN THE ARMY—WOW! DEPARTMENT 

Future Enlistment Posters ......0......0.cccccccseeeees 14 
BERG’S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT 

The Lighter Side Of Fun In The Sun «0.0.0.0... 16 

The Lighter Side Of Leisure Time .............000000.00. 68 
DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT 

One Night In A Living Room .........0....0.0..ccccee 21 

Late One Night On A Dark And Scary Street ............ 29 

One Fine Day In The Life of Leonardo Da Vinci ........ 39 

One -Everite WSpain ici. hsciccplince  ataeaeed 67 

One Day With A Wishbone .................ccccccceeeeeees 73 
TIGHTENING THE MONEY BELT DEPARTMENT 

Middle Glass Poverty tai..2. social cient 22 
JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT 

SPY NSP DY. Gc, acco aiee ahd eee 25, 54 
HOT SHOTS DEPARTMENT 

You Know It’s Really Summer When... ............055 26 
TRUE-TO-FORM DEPARTMENT 

Relevant Job Applications .........0.ccccceeceee 30 
STICK EM UP DEPARTMENT 

Don Martin “Sound Effect” Stickers .................. Insert 
BUNK DEALERS DEPARTMENT 

MAD's Summer Camp Owner Of The Year .............. 33 
MISFORTUNE KOOKIE DEPARTMENT 

Don’t You Feel Like A Schmuck?! o.oo... 40 
WISE GUIDE DEPARTMENT 

MAD RAUIOTS 4 gine 5 <i lasnd seh cick eae 44. 
TO TELLY TRUTH DEPARTMENT 

Row Gome-Ondly co Poaceae 46 . 
THERE’S BULL IN THEM BULLETINS DEPARTMENT 

Interpreting The News ........00.0.000.cc0.. hele 49 
LORD OF THE BUNGLE DEPARTMENT 

A MAD Look At Tarzan 0.0.0.0... aes tee 50 
FREAK ENTERPRISE DEPARTMENT 

A “Head Shop Supplies” Catalogue ............0cc. 55 
TRUE-TO-FORM DEPARTMENT 


Tell-Tale Comic Strip Balloons «2.0.0.0... 60 


HOUSE DRESSING DEPARTMENT 


A Modern Faily Taleic Sekai Acie 63 


LIBERAL IN THE FAMILY DEPARTMENT 
Old Standards Rewritten For The Lib Woman ........ 64 | 


IN THE IRE OF THE BEHOLDER DEPARTMENT 


You Never Can Win With a Bigot! oo... c.. anit 
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CORN DEPARTMENT | 
When All Of TV Must Grant Equal Time..................... 76 
MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT ee | 
_“Draw-Out Dramas” By Aragones ..........0.0..c0000. ei 


**Various Places Around The Magazine 


? 
DE SADEST STORY EVER TOLD DEPT. 


Us moral people all hate violence, right? 
Let’s hear it for “Anti-Violence”! Yayyy! 
Stanley Kubrick also hates violence, right? 
Let’s hear it for Stanley Kubrick! Yayyy! 
And let’s hear it for his new movie, which 
shows how horrible violence is! Yay— Uh— 
Hey, wait a minute! If Mr. Kubrick’s new 
movie is so “Anti-Violence,” how come it’s 
jam-packed with the worst, sickening, most 
disgusting violence imaginable? Let’s face 
it, Stanley, baby! Your movie is really... 








_ Hello, blokes! My name 
is Alecch and | ain’t 
no different from other 
lads my age! You could 
consider me to be just 
like the boy next door 


—a 
».). thatis, if you live 


| suppose you’re wondering why 
| dress this way! Well... I’ll 


~ tell you why! My derby shows 


that | have a relationship with 
the past, my jump suit shows 
that | have a relationship with 
the future, and my Crazy false 
eyelash shows that | have a 


‘Cause every Hey, look 
time a band at that 
plays “‘God poor old 
Save The drunk! It’s 
Queen,”’ he rotten what 
thinks the stinkin’ 
they’re system’s 
playing done to 


Let’s give 

Yeah! All him something 
alone and nobody can 
exploited take away 

in this from him! 
cruel ol’ 
world with 

nothing 


relationship with the Make-up 


HIS song! & him! sto call 
Man, who's a screaming faggot! — < 


his own! yatta 


next door to San Quentin! 
ef ef fractures! 


a = ap eacronsacanemes 


dw doosiinz Fieziry, ¥ 
. WUR GORLZ R S’*PRITY... 








Why are you doing 
this to me? All 
l ask foris a 
little kindness! 










Blimey! When you blokes said Gee... 
you’d get me on the STAGE, | does this 
didn’t think you meant THIS!! mean our 
Sees date’s 
Hey, Bilgey Boy, How @ Okay, | off? 
about a knife fight? = Alecch Cees 


o “ee 


To US, || And you'd better | 
this _|j say, “Thank you!”, | 


i ’cause Alecch 






At tw 
“pounds 
but I got § apiece, 
business what do you 


to attend 


to! 





traction, 

you can 
get into 

trouble?!? 


WRITER: STAN HART 


How 


That was about 


great! 
What's 

next, 
Alecch? 


¢ 
* 


v j 


a nice 
little 
gang 






Not bad! 
Read any 


Looks like 


3 
a 
‘e 
pa 
: 


Sweli!! 
I’ll sock 
you—then 
you belt 


we're in 
for some 









With 


ANOTHER 


gang, 
Dimwit, 
you 
dimwit! 













el My Uncle 


Irving 
changed 
dentists! 









Ca 


Alecch, I’m 


~ not sure | 


, understood 


that fight! 
Could you 
explain it? 


Excuse me, missus, but 
may | use your phone? 
4 want to report a 
serious injury... 


It showed that 

violence is a 

normal, every- 
' day occurrence 
in our world! 


Any 


thing else? | 


Oh, dear! Who is 
the poor victim? 


pe EAR SEES 
iy You, lady!! B 





Yeah... 
it also 
showed 
how 
BORING 
we all 
are! 


What’ 
~~ 
ui 





If—if you hit 
me just once 
more, you can’t 
use my phone!! 





and sadism! 


Hey, how about. 
sexual 


s left? 





Not ME, you moron! 


You 


We don’t want to use 
your phone! We’re going 
to violate your wife! 





can’ 


t Please... not 


tonight! | have 
a headache!! 







































































It—it’s horrible! = No, | Alecch, But... MY! ‘Because | haven’t seen Oh, Son, | | 
Horribie! i'll You mean mean we haven't Look how you since you were Six- h you make know! | 
never forget the Alecch’s YOUR been asclose } BIG you’re years-old! What have —i4 me laugh! To ME | 
look on that face sadistic satisfied _| as we should, getting!! you been doing lately? Fke-——-5-y--4N ~—s those é 
-|-as.long as | live! leer?? SMILE! lately... : _- oe ma "mB things Le 
is ra === | Why are you Assaulting women, beating a serious, \\ ., 2° : \ 
at’s okay! so surprised? up people and stealing... Mom! FUNNY! 
: Z 








YIPE!!! ... [I’ve got a lower voice! Sol’m | | Wewill: 
still the Boss! When I say, ‘Beat | say— 
up people!”’ we will beat up people! 


We been thinkin’, Alecch! Why should YOU 
| be the Boss? You ain’t meaner thanus... 


























..+. Or W Yeah, what And when | say ‘‘Kill!’’ we will 
stronger + do you \ kill! And when | say ‘‘Rape!’’. .. 
than have that ms eee 
we don’t? 2 


First you'll get Then you’ll force me to Then you'll Look, kid 
me toletyou —y ! open this wall safe and | sale this Bon never 
in like this— give you all my money! | statue and wrong! Why, 
LM Nt ' hit me over being right 
You think so! Dollook | | Believe : the head is more 
like I’d | me,! . with it... important 
doathing; | know chee | | tome than 
like that? | Aw, not me! |@ life itself! 


Can | use On ME... 
your phone? right? I’m 
| want to too smart 
report a for that! 
violent I'm. wise to 
assault! your tricks! 














Happy, now... ? 


















RETA AOE GM 
Who wouldn’t ber! | | called the Police You think 
Oh, by the way— when | saw you I'd lie to 
| didn’t tell outside! They’re a HOUSE 
you the best part! on their way over! GUEST?!? | 





Vile 
= 





















She's : Ser cI You'll cismecy Why not? 
have done No... | dead! §| I didn’t mean hang for || Hey, ! 
goin’, Al! that, Gouger! | you You killed tokillher!! & this, that F} It’s my 
Police — But you’re Where’s your | brokea |“ || that woman!/ never murdered L) Buster!’ || ain't first 
are \ not!! Take | sense of values?? F deposit & anyone before! }iy-——-—| fair! || offense! 


| want no 
trouble 
from you! 


'm_-keeping \\Q 


—you here 
“for the 
rest of 

your life! 


That’s revolting! 


Cause this 
will be 
the first 
multi-million 
dollar 
movie that 
only runs 
35 minutes! 





What movie?!? That’s a 





Alecch, how’d NO <i: 
you like to be it’s just 
rehabilitated? that | 
LET Se ZZ hate 


You think I’m patente 
worth saving? movies: 


| r mil 


And now, we will force 


in | 





The treatment is simple! We will 
scientifically condition you to hate 
anti-social behavior and unwholesome 
sex! Now, first, we will force you to 
watch six hours of horrible violence! 


Want a Yeah—an’ y’better I'm 


drinkee, 


5S make it a DOUBLE getting 
... yuk, yuk, yuk! SICK!! 
144 DEPRESS 


Where did you get 
such a terrible, 


live TV pick-up from 
a typical New York 
City High School!! 


: you to watch two hours 
of leering, sneering, 
dirty-minded sex... 


LIN\4 





We will even -You won't after SO eae ee — eis . It’s not right! 2 
make you hate Impossible! you see what (A ‘tas ated ad es a ; | It’s inhumanl! _ 
the music of | LOVE it’s background be SS : = : Reet Gs ie 
Ludwig Von!!. music FOR! eee ae as we ae epee Wy : me this way!!! ) 
~~ hcg ree: ili After all, I'm 
only a murderer!! £% 



































Well, Alecch! 







Right! Even ee el Oh So long, Doc! | hope | won't—choke! You gave me 
You're cured! the mention Murder _ Sex OF 2b | you won't forget me! 
Now, any time of the words Sadism 


|| you see or hear 
anti-social 
behavior... 


‘Violence’... 





never sweet Glad to hear place! Well, I’m youin @ stomp on your face—— 
| I’m || that , | act bad person, it! Can we ™ Who gonna punch you the gut—— 
all | isn’t} | again! j now! ™ ask you just [ 


cured!) )icel eee | fine). | one question? 
= 


i Pgs S irecigeces ll I'ma So you’ve taken my ... and then stomp, | 
_folks! | Well 


| are | in the nose, and— 
J you?? | 
eee gS Mneanes) 




















































~ Yecch! Get out, HM Not © It’s fF] I'mgoing to =) . I'm going to YECCH! 5 Gee! This is 
| think Aleccht on YOU!! || - give you the Stop! You __ ram this fist ., || better than & 
stomping | ig beating you don’t know | | right up your—— AAGGGHHI 
on my face Can’t I full Oh, | | once gave me! | | what you’re AN 
Yi # stomach, no! j.3 Seo doing!! ALINE: 



















= ULLP!! > 


| back, even 
for a visit? | 





sheen 










First we’re gonna 
pump your stomach! 
THEN we’re gonna 
_ beat you up!! 


Whatchya 
gonna do 
... beat 
me up?!? 


And get that 
foul YECCH 
all over us? 
No, sir!! 












Hi! Remember The Interesting 
us? We’re Remember authorities - Bo bit of 
those brutal, how we tried to they symbolism 
amoral, wild, used to rehabilitate made there... 
~~~ Sadistic. beat up us, but us don’tcha 
toughs you |< people and Police- think? 
used tohang @@ ruin their men 
around with! instead! 





Can_you ay 5 It’s HIM!! First, Ill 
helpme? |¢ {t's HIM!!.Now | _get something to eat 
I’m hurt can have my revenge! ...and then I'll make 
and I"m First I’ll give him HIS life miserable! 
_ Starving! something to eat... One threatening move 
Se ae and then I’Il make and he gets his dinner 
Of course! *< his life miserable! back . . . all over him! 
















Please don’t mention 
Sex’! It makes me 
feel uncomfortable! 


...and after those What did she say? 
thugs attacked and 
raped my wife, she 
lost her mind! I'll 
never forget the 
last thing she said 


before she died... 





“WHOOOOPIE!!!"" 
After that, 1 was 
stricken with an Oh, yeah?! How 


acute case of you think it~ 
sexual inadequacy! | | makes ME feel?! 

























The old guy. | | Oh...N 








x 


You! i eo sess me ‘You shouldn't 







What’s O! NO! |.| | can’t watch THAT 






















going tricked me! | know what’s movie again! I’ll go ~ I You've Yes, and I’m glad! GLAD,. } \ say things 
on?! I'm ¢ And now—now coming next! — out of my mind! I’m driven do you hear!?! I’m ridding #& 

locked he’s playing Scenes from |” taking the easy way meto = the world of a brutal, 
in here!! | | BEETHOVEN!! “Love Story’! out! I'll kill myself! sadistic, violent person! 


sans 








YECCH! | think he —~ | shouldn’t have | _ 
YECCH! was right! said what | said! | — 


ay,” 
an 
| 


You’re quite an embarrassment 
to the Government, Alecch! The 
people hold US responsible! 
This thing could bankrupt us! 










We’ve got DRY CLEANING 
BILLS from half the 
people in London! Not 
to mention the SMELL... 








Seen eee 


Tell me, Alecch, was all cnmemmaneataaaaes 
that true? Could a person | They could believe it! 
actually become nauseous get that way | 

after being exposed to after only - | See for 
six hours of violence?? TWO hours! yourself... 











SCREEN PLAGUES DEPT. 3 ate 
Hey, gang! Here we go again with another MAD “Hate Book”... 
those little literary gems calculated to help you feel better by letting 


Uf Al Ta 


\} 
3 

\ Z ELEVATiON’ 
% 4 TOOO FEET. 
. : 
» 


; a 
o. zi zs 
‘ aS lee 
foe SE 
; 1% 
- Y kes 
Ane 
a 






quick-lifted in the. store, but turn out to be 
designed for weight-lifters when actually used. 


F 
| 


ee 2 
se i 


DON’T YOU HATE... 





but which are repeated ad nauseum throughout the day. 


ae ie oe SS a 
LEELA ALES IDES Se EEG LG VE 





4\ \ Ve Ly Ss é A 
= 2a yee ating 8 mene — 


DON’T YOUHATE... } 
10 ... two great programs scheduled for exactly the same time, 


while the rest of the month’s TV programming is barfsville. 





. commercials that are bad enough when seen once, 


THE MAD TV VIEW 





DON’T YOU HATE... 
... the idiocy of advertising the wonders of color TV 
on TV, since you can’t see it if you don’t have a color 
TV set ... and it’s a waste of time if you already do. 





- DON’T YOU HATE... : 
.. . discovering that kids eating peanut-butter-and- 
jelly sandwiches were using the TV set before you. - 





DON’T YOUHATE... a kage 
. ...watching the klutzy TV repairman use the “hit-and- 
miss” method of locating the trouble in your EN 25et. 


you blow off steam about your pet hates. This one is designed for 






all you TV Viewers out there, and is called (quite naturally) ... 









eo: 


DON’T YOU HATE... 


. . . parents who yell about the time you waste watching those TV 
Cartoon Shows when all they watch all day long is such uplifting 
and informative programs as Soap Operas and idiotic Game Shows. 






DON’T YOU HATE... 
... when everyone is talking about the greatest show ever 
presented on TV, and you’re the only one that missed it. 


[ox 


BO xX 7 C18 } Ea hap 5 
sina ele 
a 


Sc f 


: Ve 
— ON 


sy, 


A 


PSL 


e 
Oe SUL 


an 


Po") 
es=s* 


& 


CBELRBEOSA 


TCT 


PAA 
PLES 
SY 


sya 


fo 
Eset 
SITY 2 


a-£ 


Ls 


E> 


PT 


(Se hE 
Ne: 


“DON’T YOU HATE... 


... when somebody says, “And now, let’s pause a moment for station 
identification!” and what you get is nine consecutive commercials. 


ERS HATE BOOK 





253s ON NAT Y 


ARTIST & WRITER: 
AL JAFFEE _ 








DON’T YOU HATE... 

. .. TV Sports that are scheduled on all the 
days your Dad is off, which prevents him from 
participating in any real sports with you. 


F C& 

Oe 

I VINVIN/ \/SINIY 
WW aX V 


UAW 


M 
¢ NI 


Soy<>< 


DON’T YOU HATE... 


. .. parents who buy a big new color set for themselves and 
put the old black-and-white set in the playroom for the kids. 


NEW TUBES wot 
FOR SALE CHIE 


AWE 


- 





DON’T YOU HATE... | 
... Self-service tube-testing machines that 
are about as accurate as a $2.00 watch. — 


saved {es 








DON’T YOU HATE... DON’T YOU HATE... 
... getting an important phone call during the final minutes . .. unexpected company just as you're settling down 
of a fascinating mystery you’ve been watching for two hours. to watch a program you’ve waited three weeks to see. 













THE NEXT SCENE |S 
SPONSORED By: 
BAYER CREST GIRLXT 
| PURINA FORD BINT 
TIPARILLO SNERD ZOORT 
COMET BRX CRET 
CLAIROL ZNFT BLIT 
DIAL LORT GLM 
CHARMIN BRRT NK 
AMELS FRND 






<S , 


~ DON’T YOU HATE... DON’T YOU HATE... 





... how they pile on commercials toward the end of a movie because ... talk shows that break for six inane commercials 
they know you aren't likely to tune out after watching this long. just as a guest is about to make a dazzling point. 


ABRIDGED AND 
OTHERWISE 
i] EMASCULATED | 
SO AS NOT TO LOOK 
TOO GOOD WHEN | 
ACOMPARED To Tv'S } 
4) OTHER PROGRAMS | 





ac 


DON’T YOU HATE.. DON’T YOU HATE... Sat 
. .. discovering, after hours of watching, that you can’t make head ... When they show one commercial after another of luscious, 
or tail out of a movie because it’s been so heavily censored for TV. delicious-looking foods . . . and you’re on a Starvation diet. 





7 DON’T YOU HATE... , 
... the distracting nuisance of TV in public places. «ss. people who wave like idiots when they see a TV camera. - 


FS 








Sony ) ; 
Le S&S , 





‘ a pee i 
DON’T YOU HATE... DON’T YOU HATE... 3 
... holding out as long as you can, finally going to the bathroom, and ... having younger children in the family who somehow 
coming back too late to even see the replay of the winning touchdown. manage to remove and misplace every knob on the set. 












* , : Fm “es é 
y Cort 44 (sj NASASS 23 : 


A, 
NOM. 
thas 
<a bath I | rent Ne = 












pe Nee 


DON’T YOU HATE... | DON’T YOU HATE... 


... Settling down for a long weekend of great Championship ... watching a commercial extolling the virtues of a product 
Sports, and the picture tube blows on the very first play. you just bought which is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made. 


ee ee 


\ A 
| SY 





ANDI SAID ANDI SAID ~ 
: : SOW 
: pe - \' 
<S sr ¥ 





DON’T YOU HATE... ‘DON’T YOU HATE... 
. .. that huge bulding that’s suddenly erected ... finding out that those bleeped out words on a show you saw 
right between you and all the TV transmitters. weren’t anywhere near as filthy as the one’s you’d conjured up. 








DON’T YOU HATE...— Ss _ DON’T YOU HATE..: sae 
ve meals prepared by Mothers addicted to Daytime TV. __ «+. people who are never satisfied with the way a set is tuned. 


Me 


YOU’RE IN THE ARMY—WowW! DEPARTMENT 


In an effort to get more young men to volunteer, the Armed Services are 
resorting to new and varied incentive plans..For example, you can sign up 
to serve with your friends (if you have any). Or you can get a written 
guarantee that your Army job will be in the career field of your choice 
(like Cleaning Latrines). And you can wear your hair any way that you 


UTURE ENLIST 


: Y GIVE A WHOLE NEW MEANING 
If You Hate War, Violence, 4) TO “LET IT ALL HANG OUT" 


“} Noise and Bloodshed... x 
© JOIN THE ARMY’S NEW gg lds 








AND LIVE IN THE CO-ED 
BARRACKS AT WILD NEW 
CAMP HANKY-PANKY! 


KE PAPER FLOWER SIGNS © 
MOENTERPIECE FOR ON ARMY EQUIPMENT 
MESS HALL TABLES — Se 


es 
Se 


WRITE LETTERS TO 

oe oe YOUR BATTLE-WEARY 
: SENG LOE Us. qe haute wicca YOU'LL FEEL CLEANER ==—s- WE:_~CDON’T SEPARATE THE MEN FROM 
a) eS - QN COLLEGE CAMPUSES ~ ; THAN EVER BEFORE! THE BOYS... OR THE BOYS FROM THE 
CORRS a _— . (OUR ENLISTEES USE GIRLS! IN FACT, WE HELP PROMOTE 
THE CO-ED SHOWERS ROMANCE WITH CANDLE-LIT FOXHOLES 
5 TO 10 TIMES A DAY!) AND AIRPLANE COCKPITS FOR TWO! 





want (although spit-curls are still frowned upon). The Navy recently 
announced that from now on, all their ships are going to be made “homier.” 
They’re even talking about assigning female personnel to sea duty... 
which should make them ships about as “homey” as they can get! Anyway, 
since this “come-on trend” seems to work, we may soon be seeing these 


MENT POSTER 


-ARTIST: BOB CLARKE WRITERS: D RTOLO & DONALD K. EP 














-BUROPE ON $10 A DAY" |) satura quowsa i 


AND YOU DON'T PAY US...WE PAY YOU! PATRIOTIC DUTY IN THE NEW... 


JOIN THE U.S.ARMY = = Monday-To-Friday 
TRAVEL CLUB | 


SH? 


ShoP he PX f 
for PaiceS | 
= lower Than 


i 
s 


oe 





SK 


WE 3 PAY ALL TRANSPORTATION COSTS 
WwW 


E SUPPLY A NEW TRAVEL WARDROBE ° KEYTOTHE USE OF YOUR 
; } = oe UNIO ATTACHE EXECUTIVE © WN 9-TON* 
So Oe OR Rate ee aves - HOLIDAYS CASE _ LATRINE BUSINESS CAR 


*Based on multiple occupancy, 40 ina : R ; 
b k ith Pe h i 4 : : Yes, in Uncle Sam’s new ‘‘Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5 Army’’ you" 
SESE CS WILT 2 AHCSS TaN S A ey 5 5 don’t have to work any harder or longer than your buddies in 
; : ; pM ; the Business World! And if, one night, you have to stay late 
NOTE: WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SUBSTITUTE SOME EXOTIC ASIAN COUNTRY -to finish up some war, you'll get time-and-a-half for overtime! 


LIKE VIETNAM IF ACCOMMODATIONS IN EUROPEAN COUNTRIES ARE FILLED UP. x = 
‘ ‘ , at Sots *YOUR CHOICE OF M-60 TANK OR M-143 APC CARRIER 


‘ 


Am 1 ever!? | spent . 











a hike in the Yesterday, | went | f{ My God! With 



























| went for. 
my first day at the woods on my second day, sailing, flipped all that, 
pool and got a pain- and | came down with a over, and | had to how can you 
ful sunburn! But... case of Poison Ivy! But swim back through say you’re 
I’m enjoying myself! ... I’mrenjoying myself! polluted water! But, ENJOYING 
: I’m enjoying myself! YOURSELF?! 










How about that!? | went 
prematurely bald, got 
self-conscious as hell, 
saved up a pile of bread 

and bought one of these 

special hair pieces! 


Now, | can dive with it... 
swim with it... kids can 
pull on it... and it won’t 
come off! And now, | can 
get all the chicks | want! 



















Nobody knows, and 
nobody’s gonna 


Hello, 
handsome! 
What’s 









find out that I’m 
wearing one! 










MY HAIR PIECE!! 


I'd BETTER be 
enjoying myself!! | 
















I’m leaving for my 
Hiking Club’s annual 
Hundred Mile Hike 
tomorrow! We plan to 
walk 25 miles a day! 





Daddy, the Polar Bear comes 
‘| from the Arctic! They live 

in below zero weather! So 
how come they can survive 
here in 90° temperatures?? 










Darned if | know! 





Daddy, the Porpoise was 
once a land mammal! How 
come they reversed the 


Evolutionary Process and 
went back to the sea?? 





Oh, it's really nothing... 
once you're used to it! 










Now, let’s see if I’ve got 

everything! Sleeping bag, 
knapsack, canteen, cooking 
utensils, first aid kit... 














Darned if I know! 





Gee, Daddy 
... don’t 
you know 

ANYTHING! 












Hey! | forgot Salt 
Tablets! |’d better 
go down to the 
corner drug store 
and get some! 












SURE | DO! . 
| Know enough 
not to take you 
to the ZOO! 


















Next time, | take you 
to the STOCK EXCHANGE! 


THAT . . . | know about!!! 








Why doyou| | If !don’t 
| wearthat {| | my poor nose 
nose guard stands out > 





‘| -when you like a 


sun bathe? sore thumb! 


' Today, you don’t have 
- to be arich millionaire 
to own a Swimming Pool! 


So you lost! Don’t take it 

so hard! It’s only a game! 

| Besides, it’s not whether 
“| you win or lose that counts! 
It’s how you play the game! 
And you played it very well! 





The burning rays from ol’. Really? Take the’ 

Sol seem to ZERO IN on my nose guard off 
“shnozzle! It always turns forasecond... , it look? 

' beet red, starts to peel, 
and looks absolutely awful! 


~ Okay! 





Soe 1) GE 


With these inexpensive, plastic, aN But you have to be a rich millionaire to feed all 
above-the-ground models, any poor We | the friends and relatives wh 


middle-class shnook can own one! set gets < 


| don’t look at Tennis as Yeah, | guess Good! See you 
a point-scoring competition! you're right! tomorrow! 
To me, it’s just a form of - 
exercise! A mere work-out 
~ to keep me in shape! That’s 
how you should look at it! 


How does 


o come over to use it! 


1 WORN!! 


It stands out like | 
a SORE THUMB! | 






YIPPIE! 


miSS) 





| bought this wild, sexy So why | | AM}! So take the; | Are you I'd die of EMBARRASSMENT!! 
Bikini! It cost me a don’t you It’s under shirt off! NUTS?!? 

fortune .. . and if the wear it? this shirt! 

guys ever saw me in it, 

their eyes would pop! 


| love these outdoor That’s Look at That's not Look at That's not art! Look at THIS J Now, THAT’S 
Art Exhibits! They not art! this lovely art! That's this That's just a ¢ picture! 
bring culture to our That’s seascape! just a lot of beautiful broken-down a 
drab streets! Just justa That's art! | | polluted water! landscape! | |barn and some 
look at this still bunch of That's art! | | scrubby trees! 
life! That’s art! old fruit! a 


When | was a kid, we were Yep! I’ve come a long way since | wonder if we could install an 
poor! And the only way we then! Today, | belong to this OPEN FIRE HYDRANT in this place?! 
could cool off on hot days fancy Country Club! And y’know 
was at an open fire hydrant! something? With all it’s big 
~| But, y’know something? That deal expensive facilities, it’s 
“| was a real FUN THING!! not really such a FUN THING! 



































Okay! | 
willl. Le’me | 
have it! 


Then why did 
you bring 

the football 

along? © 


No, thank 
you! We’re 







Because 
| planned 
to use 
it! 


How about 
a game of 
Football? 





























By the way, how are things 


In fact, lately I’ve been 
between you and your Boss? playing GOLF with him! 
Are they any better? ee 


Cae 


{ Okay, Boss! You’re always 
mentally abusing ME! This 

time, I’m gonna mentally 

abuse YOU! That golf ball 


is your HEAD, and I’m gonna 
knock it to kingdom come!! 


































Will you look at that?!? All 

, Winter long, with the heavy 
coats and jackets, you can’t . 
tell the difference between 

girls and boys from the back! 


You mean you really can’t 
tell the difference between 
that boy and that girl from 

the back! Man, are you dumb! 

It’s so... so obvious!! 


And now that it’s Summer, 

even with the abbreviated 
clothes, you STILL can’t 

tell the difference! 


The BOY is the one 
with the HIGH HEELS!! 












DON MARTIN DEPT. PART ! MARTIN DEPT. PART ! 


ONE NIGHT IN A LIVING ROOM 
Eta Hy 


oR 









y 


FS YANNONOATAAN SANA NAO ETT 


CONIA) 





. cat got your tongue?? 





___| What's the matter, Dear .. 


© 21 


TIGHTENING THE MONEY BELT DEPT. 


You've heard of “Inner City Poverty” 
and “Appalachian Poverty” and “Old 
Age Poverty.” And yet, millions of 
our citizens are being inflicted 


with another kind of poverty. We’re 
referring, of course, to the great 

American Middle Class... working... 

paying bills and taxes...and some- | 

how, just about making it through 

from payday to payday! They know— 

and you know—we all know that... 


MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 


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h whee 
... hiding inside your $30,000 house because ... Sitting all alone at the end of the bar so 
you don’t have the money to pay the paper boy. you won’t have to buy a round for your friends. 


MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 





... having lunch with clients on your Company’s expense account ... and having lunch on your own. 


MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 


pr 
y| 
Shas 


= 
a 





-,,. wearing an old suit from 1948 and ... receiving compliments from your friends on your antique 
45 P 5 A 5 ‘ek 
22 hoping it looks like the new mod style. : furniture ...and you never even knew you owned any antiques. 








MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS 
ig JB serie 











a7 = == tL deg fa | 
... expounding the virtues of your new little economy car to ... getting a moonlighting job at your local gas 
_ your neighbors...when you actually were dying for a Cadillac. station, and hoping none of your neighbors show up. 
MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 





... pouring a Brand-X Scotch into 


an empty fifth of the good stuff. . ... having to return something to the shelf at the Supermarket. 
_ MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 
| I/ ( . , = 
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DY ay! 





a 






ap) 
A, a 


... Spending your vacation just relaxing at home. ... discovering an expensive restaurant is not on the Diners’ Club. 





ee 


Ry 


7, 





... watching the President on TV announcing that the 
recession is over...the same day you were canned. 





“MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 


... having to say “No!” toa girlscout. — 


MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... : MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 











se encouraging your daughter and her fiancee to elope. | ... helping your working wife clean the house on Saturday. - 


MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... _ MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 





... having to wait to read the latest best 
_seller until it comes out in paperback. 


‘MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 





eer spending a quiet evening at home reading your time payment books.. 





... not being able to scream at your kid to geta 
haircut because you can’t spare the three bucks. 


MIDDLE CLASS POVERTY IS... 







SS 


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ntributor to MAD Magazine. ae 








JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART | 


Camese Ca7e mB OO00 CO Om O00 


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t 


HOT SHOTS DEPT. 


You Know IT’S REALLY 


You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 


You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 












< 


-.. the TV Networks start telling you how much better the new . ... you discover you're the only kid‘around who isn’t 







a 


Fall Shows will be than the lousy re-runs you’re watching now. rich enough or under-privileged enough to go to camp. 
You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... Aap You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... — 






Re ae ek 





RRB... 


oe you use up your savings for your own vacation tofeed ... school has been out just long enough for you to glumly 
the relatives who came to visit you on their vacation. — start counting the weeks until the day you have to go back. 
_ You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 





pes 


a ... your Secretary stops taking long weekends off togo oh post season basketball play-off games are almost 
skiing, and starts taking long weekends off to go surfing. over, and the pre-season football games have just begun. 





ARTIST: JACK RICKARD 
ys eri... WRITER: TOM KOCH 


You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 






ae 









ee. 4. 2 ‘ . : = ‘a > XY Sc < >. s ; 
a  . oo ~ ae ’ ie, Lm ee a ~ 0 
... you feel a sudden pang of regret that you ... the season’s first lightning bug appears, setting off th 
didn’t spend $2,000 more and get a convertible. season’s first stampede of kids with jars trying to catch it. 


You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When 





You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 






... you're sent off to visit Grandma and Grandpa for a ... you gladly pay to get into an Annette Funicello Film 
month, and you begin wondering what you did to deserve it. Festival just because the theater is air-conditioned. 





You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 


1 ow 
we 


You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 


x 
# 
FS 









se : 


- 


ie an uneasy tension begins to spread every ... you first notice that sometime during the “Heavy Coat Season,””’ | 
time the ice cream truck is five minutes late. _ the little girl across the street grew up to be a—gulp—big girl. 


You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... You Know I's REALLY SUMMER When... 


\ GL os 
TA 















sae daylight lasts long enough for _. . flowers you planted in April =i ; the time arrives once again 
kids on roller skates to continue start blooming, and you discover you to go to the “Annual Company 
driving you crazy all evening now. youre allergic to all of them. Picnic” and make a fool of yourself. 
You Know It’s REALLY You Know It’s REALLY You Know It’s REALLY 
SUMMER When... SUMMER When... SUMMER When... 






a Ce 


',.. you can’t get a call through ... your next door neighbor returns your ... you suddenly find out how few people 
to the air conditioner repairman. snow shovel and borrows your lawn mower. pay attention to deodorant commercials. 


% 


You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... You Know It’s REALLY SUMMER When... 






5 


RICKAR: 





ae Penn. “ : : nh er ~ : * 
... the Major League Baseball season . ... you feel obligated to drink ... your yearly prediction that girl’s 
_is far enough along for the last-place nine glasses of luke warm Kool-Ade swim suits can’t possibly get any more 


teams to start firing their Managers. on your way home from the bus stop. revealing is proved wrong once again. 


_ LATE ONE 
NIGHT — 
 ONA 
DARK AND 
SCARY 
STREET 


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30 do you know how to play Foo: 





APPLICATION FOR LONGSHOREMAN 


NAME 
ALIAS 
PDD ee 
IS THE ABOVE ADDRESS FAKE __OR REAL_—_ 
YEARS OF EDUCATION: Go lee 


PRESENT WEEKLY SALARY: [] $1001] $125 (1 $150 


PRESENT WEEKLY TAKE HOME PAY (INCLUDING 
OVERTIME AND SIDE DEALS): [7] $2,500 () MORE 


So that we may properly evaluate your knowledge of modern 
freight handling, - please answer the following questions: 


A. FROM WHAT HEIGHT MUST A CRATE OF FINE CHINA BE DROPPED 
IN ORDER TO ASSURE BREAKAGE OF EVERY PIECE? 
B. HOW LONG SHOULD IT TAKE TO UNLOAD 24 RADIOS FROM A SHIP? 
<a SA HOURS A FULL DAY = -———-A WEEK A MONTH 
Cc. HOW LONG SHOULD IT TAKE TO LOAD 24 RADIOS INTO YOUR CAR? 
1 MINUTE ————2 MINUTES ————3 MINUTES 5 MINUTES 
D. WHAT IS THE LONGEST YOU SHOULD LEAVE UNPACKED BOXES OF 
IMPORTED LINEN IN THE RAIN? __-1 HQUR 1 DAY =) WEEK 


How many Color Television Sets do you own? []5 O10 (15 























(If more than 15, or less than 5, please explain: _—_—_—_—_—_——_ 


Although ‘’Public Speaking” is not part of your job, please 
answer the following questions concerning your vocabulary: 


A. THE MOST WORDS | HAVE EVER UTTERED CONSECUTIVELY WITHOUT 
USING ONE PROFANITY IS fa2 Sih eee ee Os 


B. WHICH IS CORRECT: ( “IS YOUSE GUYS, GOIN’ FER A BEER?” 
OR (] “AIN'T YOUSE GUYS GOIN’ FER A BEER?” 


APPLICATION 
PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL PLAYER 


NAME (WHAT THEY 
CALL YO 
mye (WHERE You lay amen 
ace i : Mant YEARS OLD YOU ARE) 
el NY INCHES FROM FLOOR TO TOP OF Your Heany 
MANY POUNDS YOU WEIGH) ie lea 
Fee Me RE TOLE 38 


Since all Professi 
€ssional Football’ 
fei te coved Bin 
ears?), plea 
ue to prove that faye a oa 
A) THERE 
(B) THERE ond yeas es A FOOTBALL TEAM... TRU 
(C) A FOOTBALL FIELD 1S 100 YARno gence CAME... seas 


(D) PLAYBOY MAGAZINE HAS 


yers have been to 
Colle 
= noe you and your Sooke 
vf Mi following questions in 
rains as you have brawn! 


Which of the following products do you us 
e 


[RAZOR BLADES 
LADES > SHAV 
CUNAIL POLISH (EXPLAIN FULLY DEO 


[ You yd IT, AND IF IT PAYS ENOUGH 
though it is not absolutel | 


and can you endorse? 
DORANT CHAIR SPRAY 


DOUGH, I'LL ENDORSE IT! 


y necessary, if 
’ a ( . 
thallt, a vee re Beney atians, 


rer ES 6 tse, a 


Considered the wae or all of th 


NAME 
LOCATION OF PAD 

Can y ag 

intelligible © an entire song so that n 


Citvol da ee ees Ot one single Word is 
CC ae eae im YES OQ NO 


, Tequest a ik : that 
Which of eee Or ara Station fe ye 
of the following music nnouncer) 


C ELECTRIC al instrum 
GUIT Ems 
C] ELECTRIC BONGE 5 CZ) ELECTRIC ORGAN 





can you play well? 
C] ELECTRIC p 
IA 
C ELECTRIC chia 
Cl GARBAGE TRUCK 


CJ PNEUMATIC HAMM 


S . » . 
tarting at the bo ER 2 BOEING 747 


and finall 
Yah Se 
a Nas illion-record seller 


time and pat; 
fe) 
Be pone. devote to your ithe eae 
S LONG AS NEEDED ( Mo. 
oO. ax,) 


Now” Look! Do you have: 


OALL 
€ preceeding j THREE 


you happen ce will be 


Look. only if ba 
e a girl!) 


10:00 P.M. [7 
APPLICATION FOR TV WEATHERMAN 


NAMIE 2 Le 


ADDRESS 
AGE WEIGHT 


BODY TEMPERATURE HUMIDITY 
Since you will be called upon to fill a full five minutes, 


describe the following in 1,000 meaningless words or more: 
“AND NOW, HERE’S THE FORECAST FOR TO- 
CS SS ee eee ey ee 


MORROW:” — 








(Continue on the back of the application) 
Today’s TV News Shows lean toward the light and humorous, 
so please describe the following Weather Items in “fun” terms: 


(A) A TYPHOON THAT KILLED 920 PEOPLE ———_—-——_~ 
(B) A TIDAL WAVE THAT ANNIHILATED TWO FISHING VLLAGES IN 


Ma RS EE BS Rese St 
(Cc) AN EARTHQUAKE THAT CAUSED $780 MILLION IN DAMAGES 


Which of the following scientific methods would you use to 
determine the precipitation probability for the next 24 hours? 
c ASK YOUR AUNT MINNIE IF HER RHEUMATISM IS ACTING UP. 


(0 WET YOUR INDEX FINGER AND HOLD IT UP IN A BREEZE. 
C CALL THE WEATHER BUREAU OR LISTEN TO THE RADIO. 


TV. wan have. a knowledge of geography so that you may talk 
ke «ge at narrect 











PPLI 


WRITER: DICK DE BARTOLO & DON EPSTEIN 





— 


_. APPLICATION FOR TV GAME SHOW M.C. 





NAME 
ADDRESS 
NUMBER OF TEETH 


How long can you keep sm 


NUMBER OF TEETH CAPPED——— 
jling inanely without a break? 
1 HOUR [) 1 WEEK (113 WEEKS [JA FULL TV SEASON 


e: 
Can you keep on laughing inanely even though you hav 
: IL 
OA HEADACHE [1 A NOSEBLEED [(] AN INGROWN TOENA 


Are you willing to kiss a female contestant even a 
SHE’S UGLY (1 SHE HAS ACNE ([] SHE HAS BAD ae 

S SHE HAS A MOUSTACHE (J ALL OF THE PREC 

| cept an Award for Outstanding TV Showman- 

“The Ladies Auxiliary and Peach Pies 

N.J., and keep a straight face? — 


t when giving a starv- 
drum up lots of excitemen - 
ne a prize like “@old-Tipped Shoe Laces 





Can you ac 


ship from | 
‘Committee of Toyota, 





APPLICATION FoR PARKING LOT ATTENDANT 
NAME 


ADDHEsS: 06 eS 


: CSSD a ee 
Bh Rei Sarg eee Ee : 
. } 
What is the fastest you are Cap 
["]30 MPH [60 MPH [490 mp 


What i ; 
C] ais the proper thing to do to a customer who doesn’t tip? 
Ips 
[GIVE iene TETS IN, THEN SLAM IT ON HIS FINGERS 
LOT, EVEN THO ae SIGNAL AS HE DRIVES OUT OF THE 
CUTAKE HIS LICEN KNOW A SPEEDING TRUCK IS COMING! 
a  TIGENSE NUMBER AND REPORT IT AS 4 STOLEN CAR! 
© you have a Driver’s License in good Standing? : 


able of driving in a garage? 
H [| WHAT THE CAR WILL DO 





~ NAME 


today we live in an age of specialization. Every job requires special qualifications! So we 
think it’s about time they started asking realistic, pertinent questions, like on these .. . 







4. TELEPHON 









ernie fe 

-10. Contrary to Popular belief 
be dull and boring. In order 
of humor, Please indicate whj 
hysterical Punchlines’ you ¢ 


Et} _OH, YEAH? THAT SHOWS HO 
so BIG DEAL! HE ALWAYS 
LC “‘HE’S NOT HEAVY, FATHER! 


11. Write down a funny decimal 













W MUCH YoU KNOW!” 
WAS A BIG TIPPER!” 
HE’S MY BROTHER!” 








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Variety of 1. ‘Teacher . 
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PPLICATION FOR FEDERAL, 
COTY, OR STATE EMPLOYEE 








> (If Above line is filled in, you're hired!) 


HEY GANG: THESE ARE THE 
FREE, FULL-COLOR, FOLD-OUT 


ON MARTIN 


SOUND EFFECT 
Srick<t fers 


THAT WE’VE STUCK YOU WITH: 


Now You Know Where YOU Can Stick’Em! 





SSE URe Sno 





ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “EAR-SPLITTER” 





ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “NOISE-MAKER” 





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ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “EAR-SPLITTER” 





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ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “EAR-SPLITTER” 


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ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “SGUND BARRIER-BREAKER™ ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “EAR-SPLITTER” 


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ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “NOISE-MAKER” 





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ANOTHER MAD DON MARTIN “SOUND BARRIER-BREAKER” 





OISE-MAKER” 


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BUNK DEALERS DEPT. 


Hello! I’m Howard Excell! Every so often, MAD Magazine selects famous TV interviewers to 
speak.to important business or professional leaders in various fields. Well, this issue, 
I lose! So join me nowas | interview Mr. Sidney Goldstar, who has just been chosen... 


} MAD’S SUMMER CAMP 
hk OWNER OF THE YEAR 


Hi, there, Howard Not at all! Many 


No... because we Camp owners take our 
|...and welcome Camps have American Campers’ parents the way America took 
to fabulous Camp Indian names! 


the Indians . . . for everything they got! 
Whinniehaha! 


Why’s that? Because Ha-ha! A little inside Camp joke! That 
That's rather an the American Indian 


won't be in print, will it, Howard?!? 
unusual name for} | symbolizes Frontier 


[ Ahh! Who ea Aye 
a Camp, isn’t it, Living and a return I’m afraid Ahh! Who cares?! I’m \@F" 
Mr. Goldstar? to Mother Nature? 5] it will! af, booked for the Season! 


ORT 
agi 


A 

Be 
all 
maa 


| 
caries 


ARTIST: PAUL COKER, JR. 


owner of 
a Summer 
Camp, Mr. 
Goldstar, 


What do 
you do the 
rest of 
the year? | 


¢ Have you seen this It IS a shot 

brochure we send out to all x of the Taj 

# our prospective campers, fa} beautiful! It looks Mahal! Now let 
Howard... telling them like a shot of 


me show you 
about the place? the Taj Mahal! the CAMP! 


Frankly, | hate their guts! But that’s 
what I’ve got Counselors for—to keep 
"em off my back! Personally, | don’t 
| understand kids! I’ve got no patience | 

| you must | | with them! And | have no relationship 
really with them whatsoever! Boy, am | glad 
like kids! this isn’t an all-year ’round job! 


I'm a High 
School 
B Principal! 








This is s the ; 
Camp?!? But /; 
| this place — 
doesn’t look 
at ALL like 
the picture in. 
the brochure! | 





A sea of shining, 
eager faces .. 


of wild adventure 


A without a worry ora 


care in the world! 


Well, here we are 

. back in Camp, 
Howard! This is 
a a Bune 


Eset a the winter 
pouring down from 
the ceiling! . 






. ready 
for a whole Summer 


: Aside from that, 





UMN 
But that’s outright false 
representation!! What 
happens when the Parents 
come up to camp on Visiting 
Day? This must be the big- . 
gest shock of their lives! — 


not, Silly! | 
After all,  SECOND?!? 
But what could look 
more broken-down 
and horrible than 


this... this Camp?! 
/ 


y 




























So let’s hope 


it’s really very it doesn’t at know!? You at the Dining But I’m not sure if he’s it!And | 
comfortable in Ze. want to Hall... Whoops! }\,j taking away the garbage,; | Camp food 
here! Except You mean it’s | {4 know about Watch out for |” | or delivering the Dinner! isthe | 
when it rains! NOT raining?! leaking the Garbage Ha-ha! That’s another biggest 
Zig") So where’s all water—go Truck, Howard! little Camp joke... joke of 
You can say the WATER interview <= them all! 
_ that casoeli a Plumber! - Come! I'll 
show you! 


Who's talking There are some of my Counselors, Howard! ->——————-; Who p pays them!?! 
Why, those about the kids?! Hees ote mater saree oN at "Faha | If they're lucky, 
kids look | mean the “Okay, you Counselors! Get the baggage on | you pay | they'll pick up 
miserable Parents! They're board! Round up the kids! Take roll-call!’ || your || _ tips! But why 
gonna have a ball Lead them in song! Keep them amused! Take| | Counsel- | think about money 
with those brats them to their bunks when we arrive! Help ors, Mr. | when they’re here 
off their backs! Goldstar?| | to have FUN?!? 


them undress! Then, a out at 9:00!! 


Now let’s look 


What do you say 
we drive backto . 
the city and meet 
the new Campers at 
the Bus Terminal! 
The Camp Season 
begins today! - 


_ The CAMPERS! Twenty ;- 
pounds underweight! _ 
Covered with poison 

ivy! You talk about 
shock?!? Boy, I’m 

glad I don’t have 

to go near them! 










































iy Sytt eal 
G4 es ee 


To the Kitchen entrance! 

















ie You said’ | 





























Well, as far as THIS Camp is concerned, it’s 
an old Family Tradition! It was passed down by 


Tell me, Mr. Goldstar .. . why my Father, and my Father’s Father before him! 


hi] “7 Yep! : ES 
do they always serve such SOLA | 
terrible food in Summer Camps? 


dying! 
















































































































rs RE Be 
Well... | From what || | A hungry I've noticed = Inother _No, 
at least WHERE?!? There’s can see, he’s| | bugger, eh? that the kids | | Well, Howard, words, if | if they 
ONE of always gotta be a finishing the} | Well, that here are very we don’t they behave,} | behave, 
the kids freak in the crowd! string, and just shows well-behaved! believe in they get they get to 
here | Hs ay now he’s you what How do you punishment! to see a go to bed 
seems to. Him?! Oh, he’s got sucking on outdoor discipline - Instead, we movie? without any 
enjoy | ja package from home! | | the stamps! life can them? ‘use rewards! | supper! 
the food! | Er—what’s he eating? do for you! Sete em es ¥, 








See 





ae 


; You mean that you 


So your statement is an out- 














Not quite! See, what happened 




























call this excavated it... and-out LIE, Mr. Goldstar! 
7 rotten little paved the bottom | was... my wife accidentally This is NO Man-made lake! 
water-hole ... and filled it drove the station wagon into it a 
beautiful 3 with water?!?___| | a large gopher hole and broke | [ Okay, so sue me! It’s || 
Camp lake! 2 : open a sewer pipe! | a WOMAN-made lake! 






























































SL De ee ee 
/ | Do you think The way | — Besides, At the DIVING end! 
. it’s wise to look at it, | | whatcould); Later oninthe year, 
‘ let the kids 4 happen in || we have Water Contests! ff 


get terrible two feet 
cramps after | 
eating, any- | 


y way, Howard! 


go swimming 
so soon after 
eating? They 
icould get ter- 
Z| rible cramps! 


The kids have to go 
from one end of the 
lake to the other! The 
winners get Red Cross 
WADING Certificates! 

























t 












But with a little 
medication and a 
lot of pain, he’ll 
| be as good as new 
jin a month or two! 

ey eos e 









Don’t feel sorry for him! Look 
at the bright side! The wound 
will take his mind off the most 
boring thing of all around here! 


The. 
poor | 
| kid! | 


| Arts 



















Y-you mean : 7 
Tommy Gink is | 
lost, too?!? 


Okay, send out the 
Camp St. Bernard 
to look for him! 


No...he was 
playing Right |// We can’t! We sent So’s 
Field...and #% out the Camp St. the 


he—he just | Bernard to look for jm St. | 
disappeared! our LEFT Fielder! S% Bernard! | | 


















ep eaginie ous 
she 





y, have Horseback 7 Z 


ee pores 
oe i ask 


And what is | 
Yep! That kid's | ache si > 
cutting himself Te een 
.some leather 

for a wallet! 

This kid’s | 
cutting himself | | 


| cutting | 
some wood... i himself! 


“| The important 
thing, Howard, |” 
is to keep the 
| kids busy...) 
| to take their 
_ minds off how 

_ bored they 
really are! 


He’s 
just | 





AOMOPE NT 

«| We're in luck, You should have seen 

4 Howard! There’s «jm it BEFORE we had it leveled! 

a baseball game y But the kids have fun playing 
in progress on here! Why, last year, we had a 
Camp Whinnie- Center Fielder who was a 
haha Field! potential Major Leaguer! 




















al Hewas 
carried off by 
field?!? Ee ‘an Eagle! 










understand you What happened? |__| I can well imagine yo 






















ot 


Riding here! 
MULE 
i 

) We used to! 


The Horse died! | 
| Good ol’ Dobbin! 
The kids really 


Yep! With a little |. 
ketchup and pickle,| 

he was delicious! | — 
The only meal they | 













Last year! £2 LOVEDthat i_ 
more! 7 mangy nag! ever enjoyed here! 


Vw ee 


aeees 
















this place is 2 
4 not exactly 2 
the height 
of luxury! 4 


What do you 


a week?!? 


rots | g0, you  e%$#I's! 
Snap to it! Look alive 
out there! Close ranks! 
Any of you *&%$#! #$’s 
fall down, you crawl the 
rest of the way on your 
*&¢%$#! hands and knees! 


There’s nothing like the haunting 
romantic sounds of the forest at 
night, eh, Howard? Listen tothe Fs. 


wind in the trees, the crickets 


chirping, the owls hooting, the 


snakes rustling, the terrified 
ey kids whimpering in cold fear.. 


Where do WE sleep, Mr. piesa 


tn 





EXPECT for a 
¥, hundred smackers 







forgive me, 
Howard, | 
sort of got 
carried away 
ever since | 
saw “‘Patton”’! 





| Back at Camp, 
you Ninny! 
If you think 
I’m going to 
hang around 

| this JUNGLE 

‘ forone more 

minute, you 
are NUTS!! 





It costs those kids a 

a hundred a week?! 

For that food?! For 
those leaky cabins?!? | 


that’s not nearly so damp! 


¥ z 
Ga Lee 


Well, fh here we are in the great 
outdoors! This is the life, eh, 
Howard? Sitting around a blazing 
campfire, toasting marshmallows! 


TEE 


Here they 

















come... They look 
Whinnie— more like 
haha’s Napoleon’s 
@ Hikers... Army... 
@ returning si 
from the 





from 
Moscow! E 


| They don’t sleep in those cahios 
every night! Take this group! 
Tonight, they sleep in a place 





















Out in the woods! Shall 
we go along with them on 
their overnight hike? 


They'll shut 
up in a min- 
ute, just as 
soon as they 


get something | 











| hope have what every Camp Dispensary 
the Camp has: 27 bottles of Aspirin, and 
Dispensary 18 bottles of Calamine Lotion! 
is well- 2 SIS EAE a 
stocked | What about | Oh, yes...! 
with <= Medical And one Rectal 
supplies! | [Eauiehseens Thermometer! 


~ We don't stint i in that area! We 









‘| guess a little 
hike won’t hurt us! 





Howard, THEY 
hike! We drive! 





talking with 
hot, gooey 
marshmallows |, 
in your 
ROME 


















"ve “or 
got nothing 
/ for that! 


Ueda 


| broke 
| three toes 
running 
froma 
Mountain 


| sprained 

my back 
Goldstar, | tripping 
andi’m } 





Well... 







how do is my wife Selma, and 
you like these are my two kids! 
it, Howard? | | Every Summer, | love to 






come out here in the 








*) THIS...is | | wilderness, open up the 
\| your BUNK?!? Camp, and rough it! 
s had SY S le One 2 


Besides, Howard... aren’t you} 
exaggerating? Actually, it’s {| 
a healthy, invigorating life 
| for those youngsters! And it ||. 
helps them to become better, | | 
self-reliant adult Americans! 
: Vag 
What IS it, Selma? 


ts 





help you! | - 


Ae aaa a I ie RE RTE ap aa, 
-— That's right! And this 











We can’t 
help you 
either! 


Look, kids, 


all we’ve 
got here is 
Calamine 
Lotion and 

Aspirin! 








Selma, yo 






_[ Pve got poison 


bs ee bee Be 3 ce 2 
u wanna turn the} | Selma, you 
air conditioner up a bit? 


Mr. Goldstar, 






Relax, Howard! You’re getting 
















ivy, and I’ve | can’t stand overwrought! Look, I'll tell you 
got aterrible | it any longer! what! Why don’t you come over to 
headache from | = This isa my Bunk on the other side of the 
worrying | terrible place! Camp, and we'll have a little 
about it! The kids live drink! You'll feel better! 
| in misery! 


ere: 
; YOU, we 
@ can help! | 


» 


I’m leaving! —— O.K., but then I’m leaving! 
NG eri aes 


] ee 


1 J 


Mr. Goldstar, 


| Sidney... 
how can you 


Very simple! 
* could | 


wanna turn You charge 












ee x off the live like the Parents speak to 
Like | always say, it’s | Stereo... this while || a fortune, you for a 
good for the soul to get and start your Campers) | put nothing moment? 
out in God’s country and my Sauna out there | linto the Camp, 
grapple with the elements live the invest in 


Sidney, you gotta | _ 
| do something about} — 
| our kids! They’ve | 
been fighting all 
day! I’m not gonna 
have those brats 
hanging around the {__ 
house and driving fF 
me nuts all summer!| | 










| Bath...? 






way they do? : 
as Q 


Blue Chips— 





£e a Gi 
do 


Camp?!? Are 






















What 














































- you out of your mind?!? Send And I’m. 
you wanna|_ my kids to Camp?!? To live like pigs?!? - Howard 
DO with ¢ Do you know what it’s like out there? Excell, 
them?!? | | The miserable food! The terrible living | and I’ve 
_ —_:=C[:« conditions! The unspeakable filth! Maybe got an 
-|How about|4| YOU don’t love your kids! Maybe YOU upset 
sending wanna send them to an early grave! Not stomach! 
them to ME!! Oh, no! I’m Sidney Goldstar! I’ve So, back 





CAMP?!? got a conscience! I’ve got pride, and— WW to MAD! 


ONE FINE DAY 
IN THE LIFE 
OF LEONARDO 
DA YING 


SS 











: ffi, \ : S ai 
y Wi (Fe a 
mae L ‘Ay ff , ' 
MP i Ay Va |)! 4 
Yip Vie SS) i\ ‘ WG Mm ah MaAnns| 
YY SESS" | A 
AW setae: 


Wien 























Sate Cy: 
Aa a 
CHATS UY & Ze 
FAS 
~ Oa: 
Serre ce en a == — 


Of course! Why didn’t 
I think of it before?! 


O © 








on 
e at A hil Vga 





— 
= NG 





XK 


° Ee a/| g GX 
SF a QZ. 


H/} 
Mia 


UP, 
Sos 
Vig g Y 


2 Bs ee DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... 


MISFORTUNE KOOKIE DEPT. 


It always happens! You plot and you plan and you work to carve out a perfect little 
life for yourself. But no matter how carefully you look before you leap, and save 


Don’t You Feel Li 


- 4 3 2 a wy fone See! % 
Los SN EEE Ve — 





: ae = 
ce 









-.69.<—Yae ase 
DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... 


... preparing for winter with the best snow tires money can buy... 





ay 
=~ 4 





—— beestthees! 








... eating fish to cut down on cholesterol... ...and accumulating enough mercury in your system to kill a whale! 


- 4 af aoe ome aS 






HHS 


DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK ... ——— 
... putting on an expensive exotic perfume... ...and the pers 





for a rainy day, some event—completely beyond your control—brings the whole scheme 
tumbling down. And as you sit there in the rubble and ruin of your best-laid plans— 


ke A Schmuck?! 


ARTIST & WRITER: AL JAFFEE 












DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... 
... obeying your County’s anti-pollution laws... 





DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... ... and at the last minute, an eight-foot giant picks the 
... getting to the theater early to geta good seat... . only empty seat left . . . the one directly in front of you! 


+ 


_ DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... 
. .. doing all you can do to avoid catching acold... 


« 














DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... 





"AIRPORT PARKING! 
ALL CARS muST 


... paying a fortune to fly in order tosave time... ...and spending the time you save in an airport traffic jam! 









sm yg 








DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK .. 
... spending months, training your dog to 
“go” in one special out-of-the-way spot... 





DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... 
... taking perfect care of your teeth for thirty-three years... 


at 2 ee = 


DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK.... 


. .. compressing your garbage into neat little packs... . ..and.the neighbors’ loose stuff ends up all over your lawn! 





. 


wa 


, Te : 
ia Min o a " tke ee 
ape MEN YE lig, EN Me 
UGA ll TL eA 


. .. while your neighbor lets his dog loose to “go” wherever it pleases! 






... and blowing it all on one stupid barroom argument! 





ot 


aA 
LOLA 
peer 


TSE) 
a 
4 Z gi ee 


lia BB 
; fi 
Dig me aS 


ee 














Leas LZ. Ss Se ee : Ce wee : : ae Sy aA SS, 
‘DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... SILL Re \Q. G. RE PER OZR of 


... making sure you’re insured to the hilt... ... and your uninsured Mother-in-Law’s 14-month illness wipes you out! 


(a5 csoror | 





Uy A : O 
Yy, e, : : oe . Ce Ley. 
oS Vee \E | Y EK] 
DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... lem 
... coaching, advising and helping your fellow worker for . me oS cesueSre oer care 
years, because he’s sending his son through college... ... and the kid finally graduates . .. right into your job! 





g = TE 









DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK... 


... moving to the country to escape the sounds of the city... -... without first checking out the sounds of the country! 


~ LAUNDERING | 
INSTRUCTIONS | 


USE PERMANENT | - 

PRESS SETTING | 
: ON WASHING { 
| MACHINE ONLY 





DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE A SCHMUCK ... 
... buying anew garment with a special washing : RES: Page ay Fs Se: 
‘instruction label sewn right into the lining. . . _...and the first moron who launders it completely ignores the label! 








WISE GUIDE DEPT. 


MAD has come up with a device to shake up 
those indifferent and incompetent people 
you too often find yourselves at the mercy 
of. It’s called a “Rattler”. A Rattler is 
not something you use on the Innocent, but 
rather as a Defensive Weapon on people who 
intimidate you: the surly cab driver, the 
wise-guy waiter, the nasty sales clerk .. . 
anyone who has developed an inverted snob- 
bery about his work and views anyone less 
expert as an inferior. If you run into such 
a person, why not try out some of these... 


...FOR SHAKING UP WAITERS AND WAITRESSES 





No... I'd only like HALF a table! I’m not very hungry! 


I’ 







d like an empty plate! I’m on a very strict diet! ‘ 






i How about sitting down and joining me? Then we can 
split the check, and | won’t have to leave a tip! 
‘ees Sigs Sete 








Can you bring me some extra silverware! | have the 
same set at home, and I’m missing a few pieces! 








| I'll have the same thing that | ordered 
a 6 yesterday! | didn’t TOUCH it yesterday! 









I'll have the steak dinner. . with no 
potatoes... no vegetables... and no meat! 






The menu looks good! I'll eat THAT! - | 





a im very intimidated by Waiters! - “ iy ak 
So may | start tipping you NOW? | 7 dei 


a we 


ife Fes a aa E a 


©! Miss, would you be offended }~~~~ 
if | sent out for some food? | — 










Sf fo 


"My compliments to the Chef... for having | ys 
" the nerve to pass this stuff off as food! 





i Hey, this food isn’t half bad... it’s ALL bad! 


... FOR SHAKING UP BARBERS oie : ...FOR SHAKING UP TELEPHONE OPERATORS 


~\"4 Operator, | put a dime in and got backten 
Z dollars in quarters! If you tell me your 
. fH address, I'll send it to you in stamps! 
' gE eee aa 
foe} Operator, I'd like to make a long distance 
call! How far from the phone do I stand? 
Peet ee a TEE 






\ Ngee a 


















know it’s my turn, but | just can’t stop 
reading these three-year-old magazines! 


ee aie pee oe 


Before you touch my hair, can you 
| show me proof that you're Italian? 


I'd like it longer in the back, | 
| ...and thicker on top, please! | 





lt eee 5 
_| Never mind the haircut! Just th 
_| tell me your idiotic opinions! Operator, may eee OnE 
Sa a f) number? This is an emergency! . 
i ] Bee ni “838 
e, do you shave legs? : 
Tell me, do y gs: | Information . ..? Are you . 
Ey: % + ‘ 






really a beautiful blonde? 


f, 






4 o 


ATTLE 


..FOR SHAKING UP SALES HELP : | 


Segre 


2 













































- Does this come with two pair of pants? The TIE, | mean! | 





“Do you have at’s marked down to “FREE”? — 
a LY Pea 42 22 i ee j 


I'd like to see something terribly overpriced! |} 


\'d like to get this exact same suit 
. but in a completely different style! 
| need a complete new wardrobe! 
_| Can you recommend a good store? 


Do you have something much too 
| large for me! | love alterations! 


DOD SR Ss po 3 
How soon can | return this? 


anything th 








To the Penthouse, driver... and don’t stop for any lights! 


4 


| Do you get extra pay for flying dangerous missions? jf 


| Howcould they send a kid up ina crate like this? 


Tyas aE k mM Es 


Twice around the building, driver! We’re in love! 










soe 


ESA ANA LATS 






Wh BS 
ae TAR, 


Would the 4th floor take you out of your way? 


ey Rahs See as a ie. 2 RS 
[Here's a buck! Take me to another building! 
z EES as GST Mo RETNEAS SRR: 
Uh... where’s the Men’s Room in this 
car? | think I'm going to be sick... ~ 



























: ae. ake LN 
... FOR SHAKING UP CAB DRIVERS 


7 

b! I’m in a hurry! 
ea RIESE i FM LP Ze 

74 \s it true that in this State, tipping is illegal? 
4 > ARE ATES, c 
| That’s the second pedestrian you MISSED! 
- Are you sure you haven't been DRINKING? §& 

oe Ra ee 


Stop the cab! That’s not your picture! 
= Drive slowly! I’m looking for a date! [ 


MEP GP BETES DP ett 

Would you mind turning off the meter? 
The ticking gives me a headache! é 
‘Where’s the Men’s Room in this cab? 


| think I’m going to be sick... 


ae 





| Driver, drop me off at the nearest ca 



















TO TELLY TRUTH DEPT. 











ARTIST: JACK RICKARD 









HOW COME ON TV, parents always have lots of time to be © BUT WHEN. YOU want to talk to your old man, he’s always 
with their kids and do things together, and it seems like __ filling out his Income Tax or paying bills or worse, and Mom 
Dad’s never at the office and Mom’s never doing housework, has a headache and always wants to go out for dinner! 








HOW COME ON TV, private-eye heroes always find parking © BUT WHEN YOU drive downtown, it takes you over forty 
places right in front of where they have to go, and they _minutes to finally find a parking place five blocks from 
never take the car keys, and they always leave things like | where you have to go, and if you’re not back in fifteen 
cameras and guns and valuables in the glove compartment, seconds, you find your car’s been stripped and ticketed! 





HOW COME ON TV, when a cowboy or private-eye getsinto © BUTWHEN YOU merely get involved in a friendly argument 
a kicking, gouging and punching fight, he always emerges — withthe neighborhood bully, you end up with two teeth miss- 
-. 46 without a scratch and with all his dazzling teeth intact, ing, a nose-bleed, and a black eye that lasts for a month! 


E ON 


WRITER: PAUL PETER PORGES 


HOW COME ON TV, when a cook prepares a French gour- 
met meal of Duck a l’Orange with stuffed mushroom caps 
and Crépes Suzette, there’s never a dirty dish in sight... 


HOW COME ON TV, when the hero is kept prisoner in the 
bilge of a herring boat for a week and then saves himself 
by swimming through a two-mile oil slick, he always comes 
out with his suit looking like it’s just been dry cleaned, 


HOW COME ON TV, when a patient has the sniffles, the 
TV Doctor jumps on his motorcycle and roars right. over 


in the middle of the night because he’s really concerned, 
























BUT WH EN YOU fix yourself simple snack of kein and os 


eggs, there isn’t a clean dish or pot left in the house 
and the kitchen looks like a hurricane blew through it! 





e 





ese - 
YOU just go up into the attic for ten minutes 
to look for a back copy of The National Geographic, you 
always come down needing a shower and a complete change 
of clothes, and your Mother has mending to do for a week! 


BUT WHEN 





wai 
4 





BUT WHEN YOU run a fever of 1052 his Service tells 
you to come in the next morning because she can’t disturb 
the doctor NOW...and he never makes house calls anyway! 


4 















HOW COME ON TV, commercials for airlines always show §=BUT WHEN YOU travel by air, your plane is cancelled or 
6 hours late, and they always load at the furthest gate! 


carefree, happy people traveling with hardly any luggage, 














= HOW COME ON TV, drunks are always portrayed as charm- BUT WHEN YOU run into a drunk, he’s usually obnoxious, 
he always reeks, and he invariably throws up all over you! 


= ing, cute, elegant people who are fun to watch and listen to, 





7", 2% a a y 4, : 
HOW COME ON TV, underwater shots are always where it’s © BUTWHEN YOU gosnorkeling inthe muddy waters near you 
crystal clear with exotic colored fish, plants and ‘coral, the most exotic item you ever see is an aluminum Cola can. 








HOW COME ON TV, the sexy, gorgeous girl usually talks BUT WHEN YOU make just one sly, witty remark to some 
to the fellow first, and she always invites him up to her _ ugly girl on the street, she immediately screams for the 
apartment for a home-cooked meal...or a drink...or... cops and has you arrested for making a lewd suggestion! - 








a : i 


THERE’S BULL IN THEM BULLETINS DEPT. 
Here we go with another vital MAD Public Service Feature 


... this one designed to instruct you in the tricky art of 


INTERPRETING THE NEWS 


WRITER: GARY ALEXANDER 


WHAT THEY SAY... WHAT IT MEANS... 





... today, a White House a... today, a White House spokesman finally 
spokesman revealed... reyealed what everybody else already knew... 


... first reports had indicated... .-. first reports were all wrong... 


-.. and after a long investigation . . . .-.a Stoolie finally came through... 


. » . Vows to remain on the job... - «everybody wants him off the job.. i 







...arelentless effort will be made to find the killer. . . ... there’s no chance of ever finding the killer... 
... has offered nocomment... .-. is too embarrassed to comment... 


... surveillance has been increased... ... they still haven’t found anything... 


. . . but terms of the contract have not been disclosed... ... the Rank and File will get the short end again... 


... are Calling the blaze suspicious... . -- looks like the Arsonist got away wae 


... has introduced a bill into Congress .-» the Congress will defeat a bill which 
which would effect far-reaching reforms... would have effected far-reaching reforms... 


... faces a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison... .-. Will get 6 months, with a suspended sentence... 


. . . who has his eye on the Gubernatorial contest... . -. Who’s been making deals like crazy for months... 


...and it is alleged by an unidentified source... -.. Somebody’s trying to get somebody into trouble... 


... is leaving his post to devote more time to his family. . . . +. Was fired ee 


...ina surprise statement... .-. in a statement he was warned not to make... 








49 


PHOTO BY: UPi 


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53 


JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART Il 


an 


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) 





FREAK ENTERPRISE DEPT. | 


If you’ve ever visited Greenwich Village or Haight-Asbury or any other large city’s colony of 
“Establishment Drop-Outs,” you’ve undoubtedly browsed through a Head Shop... one of those musty 
little stores piled high with posters and incense that also features strange-looking jewelry 
and strange-looking candles and obscene-looking sculpture. Not much is ever sold, but somehow, 
they all stay in business, and the proprietors all’ claim that their “art objects” are unique 
and hand-made. So then how come every Head Shop from coast to coast sells the exact same things? 
Well, MAD recently solved that mystery when a piece of mail was delivered here instead of to the 
Head Shop next door. And so, to clue you in on where all those identical “unique” items really 
come from, we herewith reprint the damaging little booklet which we received by mistake, namely 


 im-"3 __ American Trash and Trivia Company's _ 


Absolutely No Sales 
To General Public 


HEALTH 


SELECTION OF geinkers * (FOOD i  ownERs 


ITEMS SUPPLIES 


LQ_W_TY_,_,;"=EJ§§B_g 


ARTIST: BOB CLARKE WRITER: TOM KOCH ‘ revit ; 7 SSS 



























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TRUE-TO-FORM DEPT. 
Today, everything is psychologically oriented. Books, movies, plays . . . all probe their 
characters’ innermost thoughts and emotions. Which may be one reason why Syndicated 


TELLTALE COMIC 


ARTIST: BOB CLARKE 


..GO0,,.WAH 
OH... THOSE GOO...GOO.... WA 


SPOTS ON GAA ...GOO,..GLP 
YOUR NOSE 
ARE 
NOTHING 
SERIOUS / 


INSURANCE 


AS FOR YOUR REQUEST 
FOR A RAISE, BUMSTEAD, 
LET ME THINK 

ABOUT IT/ 
































































































































































































































































































































Comic Strips are slowly fading from the American scene. It may be that they lack this 
psychological depth. So why not add a new Freudian dimension to Comic Strips by using 


WRITER: DON EDWING 





12 


‘BRENDA, I JUST 
LOVE YouR 
NEW DRESS! 


i 































































































































































! 


lh 


Li 
tel 
Wie 


| 




















ANA! 


1 FOUND 

























































































































































































































































































TROUBLE / 

























































... AND HERES 
THE HOUSE I 
WAS TELLING 
you AgouT / 





































































































































































































































































































say ! you're 
NEW HERE, 
AREN'T 

















ARCHIE, I 
HAVE TO TALK 
TO YOU... 






































Aa) 


ma) 
Y 


4, “ ! Lut’ ‘ 
i—= 


aN 


Peet etteccy 


NO PRESERVATIVES 
ADDED 

NO ARTIFICIAL 
COLORING 

100% PURE ORGANIC 


NO CYCLAMATES 





63 







The Equal Rights Hymn 


(Sung to the tune of 
“Come Back To Me”) 






_ ballads that treat women as soft, lovely, feminine 
_ creatures. But now Woman’s Lib is changin. 









vy) 


as Burn your bra! 


Cut your hair! 
Right is right! 
Fair is fair! 

Till we get 
Everywhere— 
E-qual-i-ty! 



















Shout it out 






lane The Anti-Chivalry Anthem 
Call you Ms! (Sung to the tune of _- 
Up with ours— a A “Mame”) gf % 


Down with his 
E-qual-i-ty! 





=~ 
G. 






Make those pigs 
Understand 
That we’re taking command 
Everywhere in the land! 
Let ‘em moan— 
They won’town (SS 
You and me! AIT 
f : 

















Who...buys...us...drinks when we go to bars? 
Men! 
Who gives us seats in buses 

Just so we won’t get weary in the feet? 
Who makes those great big fusses 

And takes us by the arm to cross the street? 






Do your bit! 
Quote Friedan! 
Let the grit 

Hit the fan! 


Who...sends...us...bon-bons, perfume and flowers? © - 
Men! 

Who...lets...us...gab on and on for hours? 
Men! 

They claim they’re idolizing us— 

We know they’re patronizing us— 

Deep down they’re all despising us! 

Men! 









When your home’s gone to pot— 

When your marriage is shot— 
~ You will know that you’ve got 
E-qual-i-ty! 









ae before me The Women’s Military March ~ 
eee . | (Sung to the tune of 
i ie b sey “From The Halls Of Montezuma”) 






From each Air Force base and Army camp 
To the Navy and Marines— 

We will fight to wear men’s un-i-forms 
And to use the same Iatrines; 

We will shoot and bomb and bay-o-net— 
‘We will march and kill and die; 

We just hope the battle won’t begin 
Till our hair’s completely dry. 













\\ ge 
is 
Z (y/ 










ITER: FRANK JACOBS _ IDEA: MS. M. PESEK 
TheWardrobe Waltz 


(Sung to the tune of 
' “My Favorite Things”) 











Coats made of beaver and shoulder-strap purses, 

Boots with high heels and a cape that reverses, 

Bright silken scarves and a perfume that clings— 
These were a few of our feminine things; 














Melody For A Maiden Name 


Hair-dos and face-lifts and wigs in resplendance, Saad oe of 
Belts of blue satin and cameo pendants, 
Rich, golden bracelets and emerald rings, 


These were a few of our feminine things; 


If you wonder, 
Why we hate them, . 
Take a look, and then 
You'll find that each one of ™ 
These feminine things 
Is now being used...by men. 








Skryplynzski— : 
| want to be called Ann Skryplynzski; 
All other names | scorn— 

It’s mine since 1 was born, 


QoOc4 







Say it once and feel lib-er-a-ted— 
5 Say it twice and your tongue’s dis-located 
a Vad — Skryplynzski— 

. ‘They’! write-on my tombstone Skryplynzski. 


You see. 
Skryplynzski— \ 7 
I never will part with Skryplynzski; 
I’d rather die of shame JN 
Than use my husband’s name i\\ 
Of Lee. NV "!\|' 
gies SN 
Skryplynzski—_— LY > \ 


























The Christmas Eve Hymn 
(Senior Division) 
(Sung to the tune of 

| “God Bless Ye Merry Gentlemen”’) 





’ Bug off ye merry gentlemen, 
Our Christmas you won’t mar— 
Without.a woman giving birth 
You’d have no Super Star; 
She did the job without your help 
In Bethlehem, back then— 
All which proves, we 
don’t need you lousy men, 
t= Chauvinist men— 
© | All which proves that we don’t need 
you lousy men! 


The Christmas Eve Hymn 
(Junior Division) 


(Sung to the tune of 
“Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’’) 


ws Wa 
e Ll 


You better not fret; >: 
You better not jeer; 
We’re gonna upset 
Tradition this year— s 
Santa’s wife is coming to town!’ 








She’s driving the sleigh; 

She’s running the trip; 

She’s wearing the pants _ 

And cracking the whip— 
Santa’s wife is coming to town! 





She won’t use any rein-deer 
To pull her sleigh, because 
She wants to show that she’s in charge, 
So she’s using Santa Claus! 


So what'll we get 
In’73? | & 
The biggest old bag === 


You ever did see— 
Santa’s wife is coming to town! 





Anthem For A Liberated Marriage 


(Sung to the tune of 
“Tea For Two”) 






























See how we 
Make marriage do— 
It’s me for me 
And you for you, 
Yes, me for me 
And you for you 
Today. 


Separate dinners 
At separate tables, 
And separate TVs 
With separate cables— 
You live in Boston 
While | live in Santa Fe, dear. 


Hear me cheer 
That you’re not here, 
‘Cept once a year 
When you appear 
To honor, dear, 

Our ann-i-ver-sar-y. 


We will live in harmony 

As long as you stay far from me; 
No wonder we 

Are happy as can be. 








es: 


Ballad For A Bride-To-Be 


(Sung to the tune of 
Sd, ea ung to 
Cee, 

I M 


“The Girl That | Marry”) 
















Q 
The man that I’m choosing 
Will have to be 
An expert in household ef-fic-ien-cy; 
The gent whom | adore 
Will cook pot-roast for two while he glo-coats the floor; 
He’ll launder my undies with loving care; 
He’ll serve up the snacks when my Lib group’s there; 
He’s repairing 
What I’m tearing— 
Like this rip in the pants suit I’m wearing; 
A wife I’m abusing 
The man that I’m choosing 
Will be. 











DON MARTIN DEPT. PART IV 


ONE 













NG IN SPAIN 


[alert 





a Ess Ye 


__| Well... how's the Garlic Soup in THIS place? | _ 


Uno el Garlic Soupo, plea 


Berens 7 


oo 
cB 
1, 


% 


ee, Wr i 
tf, My, be, 
1 ty Md, + 


MN, 


I’m ALL FOR leisure time 
... and lots of it! 





Because husbands and wives 
get to see more of each 
other, get to know each 
other better, and get to 


And that’s 
good for my 
business! 


What IS 
your 
business? 


I’m a DIVORCE LAWYER!! 


know other people better! 

















Every night, I’d love 










Why don’t 








you just sit £05500 you learn Then, if a mugger 
around the but I’m the art of comes at me, I’ll 
4 _.| house! Why afraid self-defense? give him a chop 
| don’t you go of the Why don’t you ...and toss him 
| out and DO MUGGERS take Karate over my shoulder 
something?!? out there! lessons?! 


“a 













Yeah!! 
Ain’t that 






Whoopie!! 
Another 
week-end! 


the minute! Golf in the morning, 
a visit to an old Army buddy in 
the afternoon, and a date for 

‘dinner and a show at night! 


Hey, | like that! 


into tomorrow! 


I’ve got Saturday planned down to 

































When do they 
hold these 
Karate classes? 


Forget it! I'd be afraid 
to walk to class! 


Every Tuesday 
and Thursday 























That leaves me 
with only one 
small problem! 


































It says here that never 
before in History has 
there been a civilization 
with more leisure time, 

and the means to enjoy it! 








...and on week-ends, 
we’re at the house on 
Candlewood Lake... 


Let me see... on Monday, | have 
my Painting Class! Tuesday is 
my Mah Jongg game! Wednesday is 
golf! Thursday is P.T.A. meeting! 
Friday is theater night... 


WITH ALL THAT TODO... 
WHO's GOT TIME 
FOR LEISURE?! 







Is that what it says? 
















A HOBBY?!? 
Naw...1 
couldn’t 

do that! 












My God! Are 
you still 
working?!? 


You work harder on your job 
than any ten men I know! And 
in the evenings, week-ends, 
and even on your vacations, 
you take work home with you! 













Why can’t you 
learn to relax! © 
You should take 
up a hobby! 2 


I’m too lazy to 
work on a hobby! 





























~ Holy Good Night! Look at this 















I'll tell you where it goes! You mean, You bet it Well, I'll just have to 
Bank balance! Look at this Shorter working hours, long leisure is} So what take a second job to pay 
Checking Account balance! We. week-ends, holidays, and a time is can you do for all my leisure time! 


are slowly going BROKE! 
Where does all the money go? 


three week vacation each year! expensive!? about it?! 






































Hello, Lady 






























i, Some Lady of But they say I'd like’ Because all of MY 
<<, | Of Leisure! Leisure! Some Mothers who to know “‘married-off’’ daughters 
b What are you free time! I’m marry off who THEY are OFF MARRIAGE! 
%, doing with busier NOW daughters are who 

; all your than I’ve ever have more SAY all 
eG % free time? been in my life! free time these dumb 








than anybody! things?!? 
























Please! We do not 
refer to mentally 
deficient... or 
emotionally dis- 
turbed persons 
as “nuts”! 


| think it’s 
wonderful of 
you to give 
so much of 
your time to 
these nuts! 


I—! AM sorry! | didn’t mean ° 
to use such a cruel, unfeeling 
word! But you still deserve 
praise for volunteering so 
much of your time to them! 


Well, my children are off 
to college or married... 
which leaves me a lot of 
free time! So if | didn’t 




























Hoo-boy, did That partner of mine really It’s impossible to get into 
| havea let me down! He was no help the swing of things and do 
tough day! at all! Then there was the well with all that pressure! 


trouble with the rackets! 
And the courts... you know 
how jammed up they'are...! 


| sweated like a pig today! 


You poor Darling... 


I noticed! 
| wonder how 
that happened? 


Yeah! And did you notice! They're 
_ all doing NEEDLE POINT! It’s 
come back:as a new popular craze! 


| see you've got a ‘‘Hen Party” 
going on in your house! All 
they do is talk, talk, talk! 








| figure 
isa. 








do something like this... 


The way 








a 
And they’ve all come backto| => © 
Mother . sot 


. . to live with her!! 









































The ladies have to have — 
something to THINK about 
while they’re talking! 


Don’t call the - 
.| Repair Man! You 
"| know how much 
4 he charges! I'll 


The TV set 




















So you quit school and 
you won't go to work! 
| tell you, no good 

will come of this! 





ESR Uae er mete ATL NRNS Wo 


erate steremreameememonrperee carer “= 


Welcome home, girls! 
How was your cross- 
country trailer tour? 


What’s with Nick? 
He’s just sitting 
there... staring 
at a blank TV set 

... with tears 
in his eyes! 


He’s hada 


shock..,.a 
shattering, 
traumatic 

experience! 














Remember... 


“THE DEVIL What a 
FINDS WORK FOR dumb 
IDLE HANDS!” cliché! 


We crossed the great plains— 
no traffic! We drove through 
the Western deserts with the 
air conditioner on—no heat! 
We climbed up and down the 
Rockies—no snow! We followed 
the Pacific Palisades—no mist! 












during the week! His life 












Don’t call the Repair. 
Man! This is the age 
of leisure time! This 
is the age of ‘‘Do-It- 
Yourself’! So I'll 
DO IT MYSELF!! 








Boy, Mom! 


For months, he was a happy, Then, suddenly 
enthusiastic, involved man! 
He looked forward to the 


week-ends and certain days 


had joy and real meaning! 





This is also the age 
of highly complicated 
technology! Look at 
all those transistors 
and wires! Don’t call 
the Repair Man... 




























Now... will you get off my back?! My 
friends are waiting for me in my room! 


a Boa” 
: VAN 












Then... you No... we had 
girls hada a ROTTEN 
GREAT TIME! TIME...! 


jobs 
“if! fit 



















WHAT 
happened?? 


The Football. Season ended! 











it HAPPENED!! 













































INTERRUPTIONS .. . 
INTERRUPTIONS . .. AND 
MORE INTERRUPTIONS! 


Sure! It’s easy for YOU 
to say! You workina 
regulated office! But do 

you have any idea what an 
undisciplined housewife 
has to put up with while 
she’s trying to get her 

work done? I'll tell you! 


Yecch! This house is a 
MESS! Don’t you ever 
“i clean up this place?!? 


At 10:30, “The Price Is Right!’’ 
At 11:30, ‘“‘Love Of Life!”’ 
At 12:30, ‘‘Search For Tomorrow!”’ 
At 2:00, “Guiding Light!” 
At 2:30, “Edge Of Night!’ 







What interruptions? | 










WHO CAN WORK UNDER 
THOSE COoNnpITIONS?!? 


esol 
























The beach is close by! You 
can swim, go surfing, scuba 
dive, snorkel, fish, sail, 
play volley ball...doa 
hundred interesting things! 


Is that all 
you’re going 

to do on your 
vacation...? 


Huh...? 
Uh—what 
ELSE 
is there 









| guess you’re right! 






tienen 





Sy 































Ancient Rome was once a mighty 
empire! Then the upper classes 
got too much leisure time! So 
they drank too much, got bombed 
out of their skulls, had orgies, 
and sank into decadence! Which 
is why Rome eventually fell! 


You can 
bet your 
bottom 
dollar 

on it! 










é Enjoy every minute of 
it while it lasts! 


You mean that’s 
what’s going to 
happen to THIS 

civilization?!? 
It’s gonna fall?! 


My gosh}! If that’s 
true, we’d better do 
something about it! 









Like what... ? 





























What are 










Higher pay Do you realize that we’ll Then, the Government 


















you and less soon be working a four-day will actually have worry! 
striking working week, then a three-day to pay us NOT to We'll 
for? week, then a one-day week!? work! And when that still be 
And finally, technology happens, what are plenty 
will take over altogether!? you going to do?? busy... 





ONE DAY WITH A WISHBONE 





Wa 





— 


a 4 
ee 


AN 





IN THE IRE OF THE BEHOLDER DEPT. 


Ever meet a “Bigot’’? Ever try to talk sense to him? If you have, then you 
know it’s a losing proposition. Because no matter what you say, he has an 


YOU NEVER CAN W 


ARTIST: PAUL COKER, JR. 








HU ELLETTT 


Two out and Ferget it! A ‘|wnaaaya expect! All them Coons That big party Lousy penny-pinching 

the bases are Nigger’s comin’ 73 are strong as apes! Comes from at my table Jews! I’ll bet they 

loaded! A hit tv’ bat! They all those years in the jungles! is leaving! | stiff you on the tip! 

now would tie always choke up Ex 
the game! in a tight spot! 


MEME A MEME zoe 
Ben Muncrief 4 We oueKts get 7 of oa , Do you know he |} Them old crumbs should | That car Lousy women drivers! | 
is 75 years |/} them old people! They’re [| still puts in an |/| be forced to retire so the [/ ahead is They’re always 
old today! a drain on Society! eight-hour day |4 youngmencomingup |} | slowing up! screwing up traffic! 
| atthe store!?! [| can have their jobs! : 


Jae 


| think we’re | You’re gonna aska | | He gave me very | | knew he would! Did you hear Big deal! His family’s 
lost! I’d better dumb Mick? They're |__| precise, complete | Give an trishman}| : about Bill? | been in this country 
ask directions so stupid, they . 4 directions on 1 a chance to talk | He was named for 300 years! You can 
in Kelly’s Store | | couldn’t give you | howto getback | | and you’ll never | _| Vice-President bet he got it through 
over there! the right time! au | tothe main road! | | get himtostop! | | of his firm! knowing the right people! 





answer that supports his warped point of view. If you don’t believe it, then 





try reading the following examples which clearly demonstrate exactly why... 


IN WITH A BIGOT! 





WRITER: FRANK JACOBS 





Why shouldn’t they?! They got 


They left | 
| all the money in the world! 


me $20! 





She’s got a flat! Lousy women drivers! 
She’s pulling. off They’re always 
the road to fix it! screwing up tires! 


Yes, but . That’s par for the 


he quit to course! Them WASPs 
become a | don’t have the 
Teacher! | | stomach for business! 





PLENTY! Those 
Italians will 
cheat you any 
chance they get! 


The whole job 
only cost us 
seven dollars— 
including labor! 


| wonder what the 

mechanic’s going 

to charge us for 
fixing the car? 


That don’t surprise 

me! Them Wops are 

too dumb to figure 
out a bill right! 





wl 


Have you met 
that family of 
German refugees 
that moved in 
down the block? 


E 


Those smart-ass 
Krauts, comin’ here 
an’ takin’ all 
the good jobs away 
from us Americans! 


Le’me tell you, I get =,| | understand 
sick from all those ~) he has a big 
| deadbeat foreigners |. job as an 
‘| coming over here and |— © Electrical 
living off Welfare! : Engineer! 





Dumb kids! As if 

anybody’s gonna 

listen to a lot of 
harebrained idiots! 


But they’re 
demonstrating to 
get out the vote 
on Election Day! 


Look at Long-haired creeps! 
those They’ll wreck this 
students country with their 

| demonstrating! screaming and riots! 





THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CORN DEPT. 


Once upon a time, everything said on Television was quickly forgotten. Then, politicians started demanding 
“equal time” to answer their opponents’ TV statements. Before long, anybody with a different opinion about 
anything controversial that was voiced on the tube was getting “free time” to respond. Now, even consumer 
advocates are demanding equal time to answer TV commercials. Where will it all end? Well, most of the so- 


_ WHEN ALL OF 





In Demanding Equal Time To Answer... 


GENERAL HOSPITAL = 


wrt eee 





mur PENN YS \ S mm li Pes 
Oh, what a lovely i So you'll be close to all this new, yj How can | ever repay 
view! But why did modern equipment when we finally | _ Vil you for experimenting 
you have me moved discover which machine will cure S| day and night until 
here to the Kings’ your incurable illness! Now, relax! you found that moving 
And Presidents’ I have the entire hospital staff all my internal organs 
Suite, Dr. Hardly? /& working 24 hours a day on your case! around would cure me? 


Se Gig i Me | 











Gratitude is unnecessary! | | No! Then we get 
Now take these 2 aspirin married! I’ve 
and your incision will be fallen madly in 
fully healed by morning! love with you 
and your case, 
Miss Detwiler! 











































The American Medical Victim’s Association Presents 


_ GENERALLY INEFFICIENT HOSPITAL 


Wait! But I’m Sothe | a Okay, Number| | don’t ‘But that’s somebody 


















































I'm | This is it! So cool only | | Surgeon il. 239471 (Il have any Sorry! | can’t else’s chart! I’m 
=| paying || Around here, i can get take out tonsils, hear you! Don’t Number 239481! 
$97.00 “‘Private”’ his full |. your tonsils Doctor! My| | worry! | have |; <7 — 
a just means $500.00 |<; right after case isa | | all the vital Thanks! Nice iC 
that the split of F I finish a Nose Job! | | data right here |,)| to meet you, W 





fast 18 holes! 4} too! Bye-bye! 


, 


called Entertainment Programs are still going unchallenged, and there must be lots of 









o disagree 
with the viewpoints they present. So MAD figures that the day can’t be far off when the channels will be 
half filled with new TV shows that offer dramatic rebuttals to the favorite themes of current TV shows. 
To give you an idea of what we mean, here are some samples of the kinds of things we'll soon be seeing... 


V MUST GRANT 


There goes another example (== 
A This guy’s 
{4 technique! Hmmm! Strange 


of my brilliant Nose Job 

“) for a woman with perfect 
features to want that 

operation! Of course, it’s 

4 strange for a woman to be 


named Henry Finblatt, too! 


Wie 


ID bracelet 
says HE’s 
Henry 
Finblatt! 
You don’t 





ARTIST: ANGELO TORRES 


Nahhhhhh! 
It’s just a 
coincidence! 
| once had 
three John 
Smiths in 
the same 








Mrs. Finblatt, 
why would your 
husband complain 
of bad tonsils 
when we’ve just 
discovered he 
doesn’t have any? 


WRITER: TOM KOCH 



















Tonsils?!? 
Henry 
come here 
can assure you 
that your wife 





Just one more 


of modern 

medicine’s 
miracles here 
at Generally 

Inefficient 
Hospital! 


In Demanding Equal Time To Answer... 








Raising a big family is such 

| fun, Poopsie! | can’t imagine 
how I ever got along with 

only half as many children 
before | married you and 
took on your litter, too! 








to have one whole room k 


| Likewise, Cuddles! Why, 








remember when | used 


with no children in it! 
| could hardly stand 
the loneliness! 


DY = Pe 
“iv i) 


And just think! 
It’s been two 
whole years 

today since our 

wedding! Here, 
Lambie Pie! Happy 
Anniversary... 


Oh, ecstatic 
delight! Baby 
clothes! That 
means you’re 

expecting 
another!! 


THE BRADY BUNCH 


The Doctor 


says it’s 


quadruplets! | 
| hope that’s 


not over- 
doing it! 





ii Nonsense! 
| Soon there’ll 
be four more 
little mouths } 
to say cute | 
things! I can | 
hardly wait! - 





The Committee For Zero Population Growth Presents 


_ MY THREE INSUFFERABLE M 






















; [ Okay! I'll [+ <=] No chance! Just | Daddy’s much more | | Daddy! Oh Whoo-boy! 
: guess that | | But, Mommy! We | | picking up after | lily-livered than ) You'll You left your It’s really 
—_—— if you slam} | all got picked you brats is Mommy! Maybe bicycles lying gonna 
that door for the School torture enough! \ he’ll shell out for in the drive- take some 
once more,} | Pageant! And 4 Who needs an SS our Pageant way, and | just super- 
I'll split | |} you and Daddy # idiotic Kiddie =: costumes if ruined four new Mm cuteness to 
your skull! will come and— Pageant, too!?! Florence fawns and tires running pull this 
over them! 


But nice things are 
always mixed with the 
bad, Daddy! Torrance 

and Lawrence and | 

were picked for the | 
School Pageant today, | 
and you and Mommy | 
get to come, and... 














you 
getting 
yourselves 


How about 
you getting 
the honor of 
donating 
twenty bucks 
for our 
costumes? 

















te Mw 
4 Two hundred buck’s worth of 


tires, ruined! Then the brats 
hit me for twenty more! | 


don’t know how I'll get the 
| money to pay for this, but— 
+ Happy Anniversary, anyway! 


iby, MON 













You... you 
remembered! 
What’s 
in the 
package? 






















one off! 


The one gift you 
need most to | 
save our marriage F 
... a fifteen 
year supply of 
“The Pill’! 


In Demanding Equal Time To Answer... 


___ OWEN MARSHALL, COUNSELOR AT LAW 


LS SS PUAN nay) 















@ |\’m convinced of your Pish- “posh What's money | 
innocence, Son! Sol when Justice is at stake? 
plan to defend you 7 Besides, those G.M. 
@ instead of accepting |~ executives don’t really 
4 ‘that position as Top need me! They aren’t 
‘if, Legal Advisor to even members of a 
General Motors! ! Minority Group! 










Congratulations! | 
And please, don’t 
thank me! | was 
sure the Jury 
would find you 
innocent! 


Forget it! Seeing Justice 
done is my reward! Now | 
will sleep peacefully... 
just as soon as I’m able 
to get my bed back from 
the Finance Company! 







But it must have 
cost a fortune to 
dig up ail that 
evidence, and I’m 

still flat broke! 












The Alliance Of Wrongly Convicted Prisoners Presents 


_OWEN BIGFEE, COUNSELOR AT LAW 


: ‘| — That's the lam sorry youused | The old lady owns Ee) | just 
| good boy son, Jose! Zee Well, that || numerous legal | up all of Mama’s money | pene too?!?_ [| may decide 
| Police say he ees thief! depends upon factors it | without finding any of | — Sos | tostayon 
| But they do that only numerous depended upon! the fourteen witnesses Si! A fine Tatas _| this case, 
| because he ees Chicano! | | legal factors ! {| Pray, sit down, | who know | am innocent! Lj in Chihuahua where | | even if you 
You weel help my Jose? igh .5.. i ethnic lady... But at least she still 7 — she raises little ~ aren't 
4 os has her Real Estate! dogs of some kind! |) White! 


e 3 <5] | know! But | charged | | y Yaa Ees there nothing | can do now? 
of Mandamus, fourteen |,| the Subpoenas!? |_| up that my Client’s : wy They - Y) happens to Yes! You can appeal! And if 
;| Subpoenas for Witnesses [7 They should be [4 Mother has no money |: A conveect {7% everybody you ever manage to scrape 
-| and my new Deed toa | ‘ delivered to left over for Cab ‘ 4; myson |%| who tries to together $50,000 to 
- Mexican Dog Kennel! | your Witnesses! }/| fare to deliver them! ‘ jj, because cut corners finance it, we can talk about 
‘ 5 f} Yeh y 


he ees onlegal |« it! Meanwhile, 
Chicano! | | expenses! |” stop i oat me ay 





bike \ sf 





ir Demanding Equal Time To Answer... 


LO OES 


Gee, you get here 






















mercer tac 


Adam-12, 































Merely by checking 


























































It’s our job Have back-up units | | Here’s your : 4 
' just 30 seconds to be cruising seal offthe entire | .| money,Sir— {|| How out several hundred | | clear for Q 
after | reported within a biock | | Hollywood area! Also . # along with the | | did you computerized | | another | 
being robbed of of every crime request motor vehicle § recovered pants catch reports on assignment! | 
two dollars by that’s ever check on all blue i pocket lint we _the suspicious blue Andtryto | 
some little guy committed in cars registered found stuck to robbers cars! All strictly make the next 
in a blue car! this city, Sir! to short people! one of the so routine! Glad we one a little 
; stolen bills! fast? could be of help!- tougher, huh? 


The Beleagured League Of Crime Victims Presents | 


_SLOVENLY P'UZZ-UNIT 12 


Se EP 








ne o 















































What do Sy But | did Well, we just got [+ | recognized the We haven’t got time | ll check 
you guys You that last {4 down to your name | , guy who robbed me! for no wild goose out the 
want? | phoned week, and on the list! A lot He just lives three chases! Besides, you refrigerator! 
ain’t ina nobody of calls piled up houses down... and gotta fill out these Could be 
done robbery ever came! while we were on he’s home right now! complaint forms! important! 
nothing! vacation! 


ec SSX 
vo 


nile y he 


SCREEN 


After you finish More like a You sure 
the forms, you'll But I'll have week! We got stock a 


ees ral Vie WB ol CLI gO AK Pin Gl lle, YD, 
Strange how a Fy RO LR 2 SO dN Z Yeah! But at least 


ij guy could get f} People just don’t we can check it 































have to come to take a a gigantic cheap grade 4 robbed of two fy want to get off as another case 
downtown to look whole day off | | warehouse full of corned 4 dollars and |g) involved anymore! |/ successfully closed 
over our mug shots! | | _ for that! of mug shots! beef, fella! then decide It's all part of by the selfless, 
not to press the Law and Order dedicated, heroic 
charges! breakdown! Men in Blue! ~ 






SS 
a ie ; Hy i Neg 
Rl EN, 








HERE WE GO WITH ANOTHER RIDICULOUS 


T VOLATILE 
VSI En IS NON MAD FOLD-IN 
HEAVILY Ft UE Most Americans had begun to take Man’s 
AND PROMI: SES achievements in space travel for granted. 
TO ROCKET TO ‘But recently, growing numbers of citizens 
1URUGRE! | have become vitally interested in another 
! 


INLIMITEL development...in a system that promises 
to set all-time altitude records. To find 
out what this is, fold in page as shown. 


ARTIST & WRITER: AL JAFFEE FOLD THIS SECTION OVER LEFT 


4B FOLD BACK SO “A” MEETS “B” 


ANOTHER 








MAD 





POSTER 

















ts eg 











iS oe 





il 


BA (\) OB RAS 








he 


a 


IEADS 


ae en 





WHAT VOLATILE 
SAE ST 
HEAVILY FUELED 


AND PROMISES 
TO ROCKET TO 
UNLIMITED 
HEIGHTS? FOLD PAGE OVER LIKE THIS! 


ARTIST & WRITER: AL JAFFEE A)4B FOLD BACK SO “A” MEETS “B”