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Popular 

Paranoia 





ARE YOU A PARANOIA PERSON? 

If you can answer these sixteen questions, you're a Paranoia Person, 
and Popular Paranoia is for you! If you can't answer these questions, 
don't you think there are things you ought to know? 

Every month, Popular Paranoia gives you something new to worry about! 



C ^ What chemical is the international 
health conspiracy using to destroy our valu- 
able body fat? 

C ^ How many health fascists are there in 
the FDA? 

C B What do Ronald Wilson Reagan, Daniel 
Miguel Ortega, Dwight Eugene Gooden, 
and Johnny Herman Carson have in common 
(and are a menace because of it)? 

C } What device is being used to keep track 
of the whereabouts of American citizens? 

C } Where is the center of communist insur- 
gency in the United States? 



C B The existence of which one of the fifty 
states of the union is a fiction invented by the 
Trilateral Commission for its own nefarious 
purposes? 

C ) What left-leaning organization foiled the 
coup d'etat directly after the assassination of 
John F. Kennedy, leading to decades of crypto- 
communist government in America? 

C } What is the breeding ground for most 
major diseases? 

( } How do they learn so much about you? 

C B By what percentage do students who 
exchange digital watches with multiple part- 
ners increase their chaices of contracting 
bubonic plague? 

C ) What local government-subsidized 
program poses the greatest threat to home 
privacy? 



C ) What is Mexico unleashing on the United 
States for refusing to give them a major league 
baseball franchise? 

C ) What secret FBI surveillance method 
is masquerading under the guise of public 
service? 

C ) Who is their leader? 

C ^ What well-meaining legislation was 
actually a communist-inspired plot to destroy 
the American family? 

( } How are the dentists of America con- 
spiring to destroy the minds of our children? 



AT LAST, A MAGAZINE WITH THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE! 

Aren't you tired of magazines that talk about nothing but good food and friendly neighbors? Z92 That portray playgrounds, 
beaches, and amusement parks as safe, fun entertainment? Z9Z That brainwash your kids into thinking dentists, doctors, and policemen 
care about them? ZtZ That bombard you with advertisements for all kinds of harmful products? That never really tell you what 
you want and need to know? Z9Z Now, at last, there's Popular Paranoia, "the eyes in the back of your head." 



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REGULAR FEATURES 
INCLUDE: 

WHO'S OUT TO GET YOU? 
You're on the hit list of every- 
one from food and drug manu- 
facturers to the President of the 
United States. Learn who to 
watch out for, and why. 

ENTERTAINMENT What you 
do on the weekend could kill 
you! Did you know that students 
who exchange digital watches 
with multiple partners increase 
their chances of contracting 
bubonic plague by 300% ? Find 
out how to protect yourself. 

FOOD You won't be surprised 
to learn that yogurt is the breed- 
ing ground for most major dis- 
eases. We'll examine dented 
cans, unwashed bakery attend- 
ants, lima beans, lard, salad 
bars, and a host of other poten- 
tial hazards. 

SURVEILLANCE Government 
agencies use a veritable army of 
surveillance methods, many of 
them masquerading under the 
guise of public services. We'll 
tell you how traffic helicopters 
follow your daily activities, 
phone taps monitor your conver- 
sations, and cable tv threatens 
your home privacy. 



MEDICINE Your child's teeth are 
only inches away from his brain. 
But have you ever considered 
what happens each time the 
dentist gives him a shot of novo- 
caine? We'll show you why it's 
wrong to trust doctors, medi- 
cines, hospitals, and anything 
else that tries to tamper with 
your body. 

YOUR HOME Learn the best 
protection devices, from auto- 
matic weapons to attack dogs. 
We'll also look into flammable 
upholstery, insect infestations, 
microwave ovens, dark corners, 
radon gas, bats in the attic, and 
rats in the sewage system. 

PERSONAL PROBLEMS So 
you suspect your friends don't 
like you? You think your mother 
is paying them off to spend time 
with you? Are you convinced 
your fly is open? That you'll be 
rushed to the emergency ward 
wearing tattered underwear? 
That you'll commit a terrible 
faux pas in front of an important 
person? Well, it's probably true. 



AND INFORMATIVE 
STORIES LIKE THESE 
EVERY MONTH: 

HOW DO THEY LEARN SO 
MUCH ABOUT YOU? When 
you find your garbage cans 
overturned and the plastic bags 
ripped open, you probably think 
some dog or raccoon has been 
sniffing out a snack. Well, think 
again. Your garbage contains 
personal information ranging 
from your bank and utilities 
account numbers to your con- 
sumer preferences and private 
correspondence. We'll teach you 
how to keep your garbage safe 
from prying eyes, including a 
rundown of alarm systems and 
incineration methods. 

LETHAL CHEMICALS FROM A 
TO Z We ingest dozens of chemi- 
cals daily in our food, air, water, 
and personal products. Fluoride 
mottles our teeth, aspartame 
destroys valuable body fat, fluo- 
rocarbons ravage the ozone 
layer. This handy tear-out guide 
will keep you on the alert. 

AMERICAN GOTHIC A terrify- 
ing tour of the 50 states. Are you 
aware that Ohio is the center of 
communist insurgency in the 
United States? Have you discov- 
ered that Delaware is a fiction 



invented by the Trilateral Com- 
mission for its own nefarious 
purposes? You'll learn the facts 
you need to know to combat 
the powers seeking to over- 
whelm you. 

THE NUMBERS GAME The 
number of letters in your name 
reveals more than you imagine. 
People with 3 letters in their 
name bring good luck, since 
luck comes in threes. Those 
with 6 letters in their first, last, 
and middle names, such as 
Ronald Wilson Reagan, Daniel 
Miguel Ortega, Dwight Eugene 
Gooden, and Johnny Herman 
Carson, are a menace to all 
around them, since 666 is the 
number of the devil. Learn what 
your name reveals in this up- 
coming feature. 

ROOTING OUT QUEEN MUM 
An exclusive, behind-the-scenes 
look at their leader, the fiendish 
Queen Mum. 

THE POWERFUL NFL A stun- 
ning expose of a powerful leftist 
organization. Did you know 
that an NFL game preempted 
the televised announcement of 
a coup d'etat directly after the 
Kennedy assassination? The 



coup was foiled, and decades 
of crypto-communist govern- 
ment ensued. 

INSECT WARFARE Mosquitos 
injected with encephalitis virus, 
killer bees unleashed by vengeful 
Mexicanos, black widow eggs 
hidden in your junk mail. South 
American insectologist Jose 
Santa Fe reveals the secrets of 
insect warfare and tells you how 
to protect yourself. 

THEY'RE ON YOUR TRAIL 
Automatic Teller Machines are 

but one method banks use to 
track and control American citi- 
zens. They've made you depen- 
dent on them. You can break 
free! Find out everything you 
need to know about home safes, 
full cash purchases, printing 
your own checks, more. 

GOODBYE, SONNY The GI Bill 
gave veterans the chance to go 
away to college and buy their 
own homes, without a thought 
to the parents left behind. Edi- 
tor Harold Regan examines the 
ultimate cost of this communist- 
inspired plot. 

HEALTH FASCISTS How many 
health fascists are there in the 
FDA? If you don't know, you 
should be reading Popular 
Paranoia. 




Popular Paranoia is the only magazine that 
lets you know how bad things really are. 
It's informative, thought-provoking, and 
reliable in a world where nothing else 
is. Isn't it time you gave yourself "eyes 
in the back of your head?" Subscribe 
to Popular Paranoia today at our spe- 
cial LOW introductory rate. 

Send $33.00 (cash or stamps only) 
and we'll send you a full year of 
Popular Paranoia. That's 12 hard- 
hitting issues at 25 % savings off 
the newsstand price. If you 
think $33 is a lot of money for a 
magazine subscription, we'd 
like you to know we work 
hard to research, write, and 
produce Popular Paranoia 
and deserve every penny 
we get. 



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