ARE YOU A PARANOIA PERSON?
If you can answer these sixteen questions, you're a Paranoia Person,
and Popular Paranoia is for you! If you can't answer these questions,
don't you think there are things you ought to know?
Every month, Popular Paranoia gives you something new to worry about!
C ^ What chemical is the international
health conspiracy using to destroy our valu-
able body fat?
C ^ How many health fascists are there in
C B What do Ronald Wilson Reagan, Daniel
Miguel Ortega, Dwight Eugene Gooden,
and Johnny Herman Carson have in common
(and are a menace because of it)?
C } What device is being used to keep track
of the whereabouts of American citizens?
C } Where is the center of communist insur-
gency in the United States?
C B The existence of which one of the fifty
states of the union is a fiction invented by the
Trilateral Commission for its own nefarious
C ) What left-leaning organization foiled the
coup d'etat directly after the assassination of
John F. Kennedy, leading to decades of crypto-
communist government in America?
C } What is the breeding ground for most
( } How do they learn so much about you?
C B By what percentage do students who
exchange digital watches with multiple part-
ners increase their chaices of contracting
C ) What local government-subsidized
program poses the greatest threat to home
C ) What is Mexico unleashing on the United
States for refusing to give them a major league
C ) What secret FBI surveillance method
is masquerading under the guise of public
C ) Who is their leader?
C ^ What well-meaining legislation was
actually a communist-inspired plot to destroy
the American family?
( } How are the dentists of America con-
spiring to destroy the minds of our children?
AT LAST, A MAGAZINE WITH THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE!
Aren't you tired of magazines that talk about nothing but good food and friendly neighbors? Z92 That portray playgrounds,
beaches, and amusement parks as safe, fun entertainment? Z9Z That brainwash your kids into thinking dentists, doctors, and policemen
care about them? ZtZ That bombard you with advertisements for all kinds of harmful products? That never really tell you what
you want and need to know? Z9Z Now, at last, there's Popular Paranoia, "the eyes in the back of your head."
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PARANOIA git£j ou
WHO'S OUT TO GET YOU?
You're on the hit list of every-
one from food and drug manu-
facturers to the President of the
United States. Learn who to
watch out for, and why.
ENTERTAINMENT What you
do on the weekend could kill
you! Did you know that students
who exchange digital watches
with multiple partners increase
their chances of contracting
bubonic plague by 300% ? Find
out how to protect yourself.
FOOD You won't be surprised
to learn that yogurt is the breed-
ing ground for most major dis-
eases. We'll examine dented
cans, unwashed bakery attend-
ants, lima beans, lard, salad
bars, and a host of other poten-
agencies use a veritable army of
surveillance methods, many of
them masquerading under the
guise of public services. We'll
tell you how traffic helicopters
follow your daily activities,
phone taps monitor your conver-
sations, and cable tv threatens
your home privacy.
MEDICINE Your child's teeth are
only inches away from his brain.
But have you ever considered
what happens each time the
dentist gives him a shot of novo-
caine? We'll show you why it's
wrong to trust doctors, medi-
cines, hospitals, and anything
else that tries to tamper with
YOUR HOME Learn the best
protection devices, from auto-
matic weapons to attack dogs.
We'll also look into flammable
upholstery, insect infestations,
microwave ovens, dark corners,
radon gas, bats in the attic, and
rats in the sewage system.
PERSONAL PROBLEMS So
you suspect your friends don't
like you? You think your mother
is paying them off to spend time
with you? Are you convinced
your fly is open? That you'll be
rushed to the emergency ward
wearing tattered underwear?
That you'll commit a terrible
faux pas in front of an important
person? Well, it's probably true.
STORIES LIKE THESE
HOW DO THEY LEARN SO
MUCH ABOUT YOU? When
you find your garbage cans
overturned and the plastic bags
ripped open, you probably think
some dog or raccoon has been
sniffing out a snack. Well, think
again. Your garbage contains
personal information ranging
from your bank and utilities
account numbers to your con-
sumer preferences and private
correspondence. We'll teach you
how to keep your garbage safe
from prying eyes, including a
rundown of alarm systems and
LETHAL CHEMICALS FROM A
TO Z We ingest dozens of chemi-
cals daily in our food, air, water,
and personal products. Fluoride
mottles our teeth, aspartame
destroys valuable body fat, fluo-
rocarbons ravage the ozone
layer. This handy tear-out guide
will keep you on the alert.
AMERICAN GOTHIC A terrify-
ing tour of the 50 states. Are you
aware that Ohio is the center of
communist insurgency in the
United States? Have you discov-
ered that Delaware is a fiction
invented by the Trilateral Com-
mission for its own nefarious
purposes? You'll learn the facts
you need to know to combat
the powers seeking to over-
THE NUMBERS GAME The
number of letters in your name
reveals more than you imagine.
People with 3 letters in their
name bring good luck, since
luck comes in threes. Those
with 6 letters in their first, last,
and middle names, such as
Ronald Wilson Reagan, Daniel
Miguel Ortega, Dwight Eugene
Gooden, and Johnny Herman
Carson, are a menace to all
around them, since 666 is the
number of the devil. Learn what
your name reveals in this up-
ROOTING OUT QUEEN MUM
An exclusive, behind-the-scenes
look at their leader, the fiendish
THE POWERFUL NFL A stun-
ning expose of a powerful leftist
organization. Did you know
that an NFL game preempted
the televised announcement of
a coup d'etat directly after the
Kennedy assassination? The
coup was foiled, and decades
of crypto-communist govern-
INSECT WARFARE Mosquitos
injected with encephalitis virus,
killer bees unleashed by vengeful
Mexicanos, black widow eggs
hidden in your junk mail. South
American insectologist Jose
Santa Fe reveals the secrets of
insect warfare and tells you how
to protect yourself.
THEY'RE ON YOUR TRAIL
Automatic Teller Machines are
but one method banks use to
track and control American citi-
zens. They've made you depen-
dent on them. You can break
free! Find out everything you
need to know about home safes,
full cash purchases, printing
your own checks, more.
GOODBYE, SONNY The GI Bill
gave veterans the chance to go
away to college and buy their
own homes, without a thought
to the parents left behind. Edi-
tor Harold Regan examines the
ultimate cost of this communist-
HEALTH FASCISTS How many
health fascists are there in the
FDA? If you don't know, you
should be reading Popular
Popular Paranoia is the only magazine that
lets you know how bad things really are.
It's informative, thought-provoking, and
reliable in a world where nothing else
is. Isn't it time you gave yourself "eyes
in the back of your head?" Subscribe
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